Hidden Truths
by Patient Harmony
Summary: Lovino is angry, violent and hateful. Lovino is sad, broken and afraid. Which is the true Lovino? Will anyone find out before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

**I decided to be a bit spontaneous, and only a few people know I've been working on this project. I warn you, this is most likely going to be my most depressing story, because of its themes. Check the bottom AN for the warnings.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 1**

Romulus Vargas was busy preparing breakfast. He checked the time, seeing that it was time for his sons to wake up.

Soon enough, he could hear movement from the upper floor, and knew that they were up and about. Well, at least two of them were definitely. He needed to go check to see if the third was. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was ten minutes. If he was still sleeping…

He pushed the breakfast aside and made his way upstairs. He smiled at Marcello as he passed and ruffled Feliciano's hair, but when he reached the upper landing he frowned. Lovino's clock radio was still on.

Feeling his anger rising, Romulus stormed towards Lovino's room. Why did that boy have to be so lazy?

He threw the door open, seeing that Lovino was indeed still lying in bed.

"Lovino!" he snarled. "Can't you hear your alarm? Get up!"

"Fine, fine," Lovino groaned, pushing himself upwards.

It always struck Romulus as odd that Lovino would be on his stomach every time he came to wake him.

"Honestly," Romulus huffed. "Feli and Cello never take this long to get up."

It looked as though Lovino was trying to drop back onto the bed, but miraculously managed to keep himself up. How many times had Romulus told him to go to bed by ten? Perhaps if he listened for a change, he would be able to get up on time.

"Get dressed and come down for breakfast," Romulus said.

He closed the door and walked away, and if Lovino wasn't down within the next fifteen minutes, he would need to come drag him down. Honestly, what was wrong with that boy?

Feliciano and Marcello were angels. They were bright, cheerful and friendly. And they were both immensely talented. Feliciano was a great artist, and Marcello was part of the school's swimming team. Both of them were quite busy with extracurricular activities.

And then there was Lovino. A rude, grouchy, irresponsible slacker. While the other two spent their time after school participating in clubs, Lovino spent _his_ in detention. He was always getting into fights, talking back to the teachers, barely ever doing his homework… Romulus didn't know what went wrong with that boy.

When he returned to the kitchen, he saw that Feliciano and Marcello had already helped themselves. He smiled, before he went to prepare coffee, only to see that it had already been done.

"Now who brewed the coffee?" he asked, a smile on his face.

"It was me, papa," Marcello said, raising his hand.

Romulus chuckled and ruffled his son's hair, before he poured each of them a cup of coffee.

It was about ten minutes before he could hear Lovino stomping down the stairs, and he sighed. Why did he insist on being so noisy?

Lovino swaggered into the kitchen, and without saying a word to any of them, proceeded to get himself some breakfast.

"Ve, buongiorno, fratello," Feliciano greeted.

Lovino said nothing, merely grunted. Romulus narrowed his eyes as the other went towards the counter to eat his breakfast, turning his back to them all. Romulus would have scolded Lovino for his rudeness, but he was getting used to it. And at least he didn't insult Feliciano.

Lovino stayed out of the conversation that followed, as Romulus and the others discussed their plans for the day. Eventually Lovino went upstairs again, but Romulus didn't particularly care. He knew that Lovino always immediately went to brush his teeth after breakfast. There was at least _something_ he managed to do right with that boy.

When the time came for the bus to arrive, Romulus bid each of his sons goodbye as they rushed out of the door. However, when Lovino tried to pass, Romulus grabbed him on the upper arm.

"Don't get into trouble today," Romulus said.

"You act as though I do it every day," Lovino spat.

Romulus narrowed his eyes, but released Lovino. It was _almost_ every day, and Romulus was really getting tired of it.

He sighed, before he started preparing for his own day, trying not to imagine the headache that Lovino would cause _this_ time.

…

Feliks nervously sat in the office. It was his first day at a new school, and he was afraid. He didn't like having to move, having to start over. And he was worried about the other students.

Wearing jeans and a long-sleeved red shirt, Feliks hoped that he would make a good first impression. To be honest, the clothes felt uncomfortable. He was used to wearing skirts, not trousers. And the shirt's sleeves seemed almost too tight.

He jumped when the door opened, and a brunet boy appeared. He had a bright smile on his face, and Feliks wondered if this was the student that they sent to bring him to his class.

"Oh, Feliciano," the secretary said, a fond smile on her face. "Did Mr Hedervary send you?"

The boy, Feliciano, nodded.

"Si," he said. "He wanted me to get the new kid."

Feliciano's eyes wandered over to Feliks, and the Pole swallowed nervously.

"H-hi," he said. "I-I'm Feliks."

Feliciano bounded over to him and pulled him up, before wrapping him in a hug. Feliks's eyes widened at the other's actions.

"Ve, it's nice to meet you," Feliciano said. "I'm Feliciano. Let's go."

Feliks barely had time to grab his bookbag before Feliciano dragged him out of the office. The other, whom Feliks was starting to assume was Italian, kept excitedly chattering about the school, the teachers, the students, the afterschool activities, the food in the cafeteria…

Feliks was actually relieved when they stopped in front of a classroom. Feliciano seemed friendly, but a little extreme. Feliks didn't know if he would ever be able to feel comfortable around him.

The two entered the class, and a brunet man looked up from the paper on his desk. The man smiled, and Feliks assumed that this was his homeroom teacher.

"You must be Feliks," the man said. "I'm Mr Daniel Hedervary. You can sit anywhere you like."

Feliks had to hold in his panic when he heard that. He looked around for an empty desk, and when he found one, he immediately made his way towards it. The other students gave him curious looks, but no one appeared to be curious enough to try to find out more about him.

At least, that was what he assumed. The moment he sat down, he was approached by a brunette girl, who was smiling warmly.

"Hello," she said. "I'm Elizaveta, but you can call me Liz, if you want. Mr Hedervary is my dad."

Feliks glanced towards the homeroom teacher. Now that she mentioned it, he could see a resemblance between the two of them. He turned his attention back to Elizaveta and gave a shy smile.

"Like, hi," he said. "I'm Feliks. I'm Polish."

"And I'm Hungarian," Elizaveta said, her smile widening. "Our countries are friends, so we can be friends too."

Feliks's smile widened. He was glad that she wanted to be his friend, though he was still a bit on edge. He didn't know her yet, and wondered if she would really want to be his friend after learning a bit more about him.

"I hope so," he said.

…

Sadiq Adnan was walking through the class with his clipboard. As the gym teacher, his assessments were a bit different from the other teachers', but he still had to assess them. Giving them some basic cardio exercises was one way.

Most of the students were in groups, but there was one in particular that _wasn't_. In fact, he wasn't even making an effort, merely sat there looking bored.

"Vargas, get up and move already!" he exclaimed.

There were a few snickers, but Lovino Vargas merely shot him a bored look before he stood. Sadiq sighed when Lovino finally did something, though it was half-hearted. None of the Vargas brothers were particularly athletic, but Feliciano and Marcello at least tried to make an effort. Lovino looked as though he couldn't care less.

Then there was the fact that Lovino insisted on wearing a tracksuit to class. There wasn't a particular outfit reserved for gym, but at least the others wore short-sleeved shirts and shorts. But Sadiq wasn't allowed to say anything about it to Lovino, except perhaps to suggest wearing something more comfortable.

Sadiq's eyes went to the new student, who was also wearing a long-sleeved top, but at least he was wearing shorts. And at least he had a good excuse.

After a few minutes of examining the students, he turned back to Lovino's direction, and saw him raising a fist towards the German boy, Gilbert Beilschmidt. Sadiq blew his whistle before he stalked closer.

"Vargas, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he shouted.

Lovino jumped in surprise, before backing away. He glared at the teacher before storming off to another corner. Sadiq sighed, before turning to the other three standing nearby. Gilbert and his two friends, Antonio and Francis.

"What happened?" Sadiq asked.

"We were just trying to show him the correct form," Francis said.

Sadiq sighed. Ungrateful brat. He looked towards him and saw him busy with the jump ropes. He then turned his attention to the new student and approached him.

"You holding up okay?" he asked.

Feliks looked towards him and nodded.

"If you want, I could let you go early to lunch," Sadiq offered.

"Like, I don't really eat lunch," Feliks said. "I need to go to the library to get my textbooks."

Sadiq nodded his head in understanding.

"It's on the top floor," he said. "But otherwise, how's everyone treating you?"

Feliks shrugged.

"Like, I can't complain yet," he said.

"That's good to hear," Sadiq said. "If any of these idiots give you a problem, let me know immediately, okay?"

His thoughts immediately went to Lovino. Personally, he hoped that Feliks and Lovino stayed far away from each other.

…

Feliks was lost.

He had gone to the top floor, like the gym teacher said, but he had completely lost his way. It didn't help that they didn't label anything, with the exception of the restrooms. And since the bell for lunch had already rung a few minutes ago, there was no one around that he could ask to help him.

He perked up when he heard footsteps nearby, and he realised that they were coming from the stairwell. He made his way to the top of the stairs to see a familiar head of brown hair coming up.

"Hey, Feliciano," Feliks called out.

The other jumped in surprise, before fixing a glare on him. Feliks couldn't help but shrink back when he saw that glare, and realised that he made a terrible mistake. This wasn't Feliciano. He looked a lot like him, but the two appeared to be polar opposites. A brother, perhaps? But Feliks needed his help.

"Sorry," Feliks said. "Like, I'm new here, and I like need to get my textbooks at the library, but like, I'm totally lost, and I was like wondering if you could help me."

He wanted to kick himself when he realised that his verbal tic slipped through worse than usual in his nervousness.

The other looked as though he was trying to process his words, and his expression smoothed over to a more neutral expression. He wasn't smiling or anything, but he didn't exactly look as though he was angry anymore.

"I guess I can show you," he said, finishing his voyage up the stairs.

Feliks fell into step next to him, looking at his face. There was something about those eyes…

"So, like, I'm Feliks," he said. "Um, what's your name?"

The Italian looked towards him, and though he wasn't exactly glaring, Feliks couldn't help but shrink back.

"You know my brother's name but you haven't heard of _me_ yet?" the other asked. "Usually people would talk about us in the same breath. It's annoying."

Feliks frowned.

"Like, Feliciano was the one that showed me to homeroom this morning," he said. "And he didn't say anything about a brother. He was too busy talking about…"

"Everything else," the other said. "Yeah, he never shuts up."

"So… Your name?"

The other was silent for a moment.

"Lovino," he said at last. "We're here."

Feliks looked ahead, and when Lovino opened the door, he could definitely see that it was a large room filled with books.

"Like, they should totally label these rooms," Feliks huffed.

"Some asshole stole everything last week," Lovino said, bristling slightly. "And besides, no one really comes here, so I doubt most people even know that there _is_ a library."

Feliks chuckled, and the other looked surprised, but said nothing. Feliks brushed past him and went to find the librarian, but first he turned back.

"Like, thanks for the help," Feliks said.

Lovino simply grunted, and Feliks turned away again. He was right in his initial assumption. Lovino and Feliciano _were_ polar opposites. But he wasn't sure which one he liked more.

He went up to the librarian and explained that he was the new student, and she immediately gave him a pile of books that were assigned to him. He grunted slightly, before settling them down and packing them in his bag.

When he was finished, he realised that there was still some time before he needed to go to class, so he started to wander around the library, wanting to see what they had. About ten minutes before the bell would ring again, he decided that he would get an early start and went off to class.

Except he didn't know _where_ the class was.

He looked around frantically, before he spotted a familiar face. He ran up to Elizaveta, and she stopped when she saw him coming.

"Hi," she said. "Where were you? I was looking for you in the cafeteria, but couldn't find you."

"Like, I had to get to the library to get my books," he said. "Which way is Ms Braginskaya's class?"

Elizaveta smiled.

"Oh, that's actually my next class too," she said. "Come on, I'll show you."

He smiled in relief, and dutifully followed her.

"So, Liz, can I ask you something?" he asked.

"Sure," she said.

"Like, what do you know about Lovino? Feliciano's brother?"

Elizaveta came to a stop, and she spun around to face him, looking angry.

"What did he do to you?" she demanded.

"N-nothing," he stuttered, raising his hands defensively. "Like, I was just curious."

She seemed to calm down, and sighed.

"Lovino Vargas is a bad egg," she said. "You'd be better off staying away from him."

"Like, is he that bad?" he asked.

She nodded.

"He's always getting into fights," she said. "He's always angry, and always violent. And arrogant too. He spends his lunch breaks on the roof, smoking. And his arms are covered in tattoos, or at least that's what I heard. And he's such a jerk! Every time someone tries to be nice to him, he yells at them. Sometimes he hits them. Honestly, I feel sorry for Feliciano and Marcello."

"Marcello?" Feliks repeated.

"The third Vargas brother. He's a year younger than us, and a real sweetheart. Makes you wonder where Lovino went wrong."

"Well… He was nice enough to show me the library," Feliks said feebly.

"I'm surprised a slacker like him even knows there _is_ a library."

Feliks sighed. It was clear that Elizaveta didn't have a high opinion of Lovino. But, there _was_ something that drew Feliks's attention to him. And he wasn't bad to look at.

Feliks blushed when he realised where his thoughts were heading. No! He couldn't think like that. He could _never_ think like that. Never again.

…

It was the last period, and Feliks was feeling nervous. He was feeling as though everything was getting too close, surrounding him in a space that he could not escape from. He knew what this was. He had been getting them for weeks now.

An anxiety attack.

He needed to get to a safe area. An area without voices, since the teacher allowed them to chat with each other quietly as they did their work. The voices were too loud, and reminded him too much of other voices.

Eventually he couldn't take it anymore, and he raised his hand. Thankfully, the teacher noticed him and nodded.

"May I please go to the bathroom?" he asked.

She nodded again, and Feliks immediately rushed out of the room. He had almost lasted the entire day. He was getting better, but he still had a long way to go.

Deciding that he could go to the bathroom to splash some water on his face, he made his way there, trying to calm himself. But all efforts to calm himself immediately abandoned him when he reached the bathroom.

Hanging from the frame of one of the stalls was someone with brown hair. Feliks only noted the situation, before he rushed forward. It looked as though the other boy was still struggling for breath. He was still alive.

Feliks didn't know what to do for a moment, before he grabbed the small metal bin that was close by. He stood on it and started working on the knot. It looked like a jump rope.

"N-no…" the other gasped.

Feliks didn't listen, and he sighed in relief when the knot became undone. He quickly grabbed the other, trying to prevent a nasty fall, but only managed to take himself down too.

He felt feeble fists pounding against his chest, and he looked towards the boy he just saved.

"You bastard! Why did you do that? You should have just let me die!"

Feliks gasped when he recognised Lovino. He absentmindedly pulled the other into a hug, and he could feel Lovino trying to push him away, before he went lax in his hold, sobbing against Feliks's chest.

He now knew what he had seen in Lovino's eyes.

**I didn't want to say this earlier due to the summary, but here are the trigger warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, bullying, self-harm, self-loathing.**

**Next chapter will be the same as this chapter, except everything is from Lovino's POV. So, the trigger warnings are really more applicable starting next chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to Chireain, CrazyRedmanelion, Alllans, Cardfighter by Maple and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 2**

Lovino's alarm went off, and he groaned. His eyes refused to open, and when he _could_ get them open, they only wanted to close again. He was just so tired.

He didn't know how long he lay there, but soon he could hear footsteps approaching. Their weight and speed told him that they belonged to his father, and that he was not happy. But then again, what else was new where Lovino was concerned?

"Lovino!" his father snarled, throwing the door open. "Can't you hear your alarm? Get up!"

"Fine, fine," Lovino groaned, pushing himself upwards.

He was usually on his stomach when he woke up in the mornings, and so he was able to avoid his father's angry gaze.

"Honestly," Romulus huffed. "Feli and Cello never take this long to get up."

Lovino flinched. There it was, and he wasn't even out of bed yet. A comparison to his two younger brothers. And the painful reminder that he was the unloved one. Romulus always referred to the younger two by shortened versions of their names, while he always used Lovino's full name when speaking to or about him.

Well, he didn't like being called 'Lovi', but that was beside the point. At least Marcello and Feliciano would occasionally forget it. Romulus _never_ even attempted to call him that.

"Get dressed and come down for breakfast," Romulus said.

Lovino sighed in relief when he heard his father walk away. This always happened when he wasn't up within ten minutes of his alarm going off. He reached for the infernal device and shut it off. At least it was one of those clock radios. He didn't want to know how annoyed his father would have been if it had been one of those traditional alarms that screeched until they were silenced.

Lovino forced himself out of the bed, but he didn't immediately get dressed. He reached for his bedside cabinet and opened the drawer. There weren't too many things inside, but there was one thing that he needed. His hand found it with practiced ease.

It was a pocket knife that his uncle had gifted him two years ago. It made things a lot easier.

Lovino pulled off his shirt, pausing when he saw the angry red lines that criss-crossed all over his arms, shoulders, chest and stomach. Some of the lines were pink and others white, but it was always the red ones that caught his eye.

He was about to add another one. Or two. Or five.

Lovino found a spot on his stomach and gritted his teeth, swiping the blade. He felt the familiar sting, and already he could feel some relief. He watched the wound for a moment, waiting to see if it would bleed and how much. Sometimes, when he wasn't _that_ serious about it, the cut wouldn't bleed at all, but would still leave an angry mark.

He watched the blood bead around the line for a while before he grabbed one of the tissues he kept in the drawer and pressed it against the new cut. Luckily, he wasn't much of a bleeder, so half a minute with some pressure was enough to stop the bleeding. He didn't want to have another stain on his shirt.

He didn't want his father to call him out on another 'fight'.

He glanced towards the book he kept on his desk. Thankfully, no one else had read it, which was a miracle in his family. He hesitated for a moment, before deciding against it. The words weren't worthy of the book.

He quickly got dressed and combed his hair, before he made his way to the stairs. He paused on the landing, eyes falling on his mother's photo. He wondered, not for the first time, what life would have been like with her still around. He knew that she wouldn't have compared him to his brothers. She would have loved him for who he was. She would have believed him.

He tore his gaze away, before he continued on his path downstairs, making his way to the kitchen. He ignored his brothers' and father's conversation, only grunting an acknowledgement when Feliciano greeted him.

Wow. His father didn't scold him. He must have been tired.

When Lovino was finished with his breakfast, he immediately made his way upstairs to brush his teeth. Once he was finished, he did what he always did: stare at himself in the mirror while questioning why he was still there.

He fetched his bag and went downstairs again, just in time to go for the bus. His father said goodbye to his brothers, but grabbed him as he tried to push past him.

"Don't get into trouble today," Romulus said.

"You act as though I do it every day," Lovino spat.

He was tired of explaining each time that he didn't _try_ to get into trouble. And that 90% of the time, he was completely innocent. It was unfair. He was everyone's scapegoat. Even people he'd never met. No matter what happened, it would _always_ be his fault. It was really tiresome.

As soon as he entered the bus, he sat on the empty seat in the front. His brothers sat further back, where the popular students were. And he was just hoping that he would be ignored.

Unfortunately, no such luck.

"Well, well," a familiar voice said. "Look what the cat dragged in."

"Man, you look like shit," a second voice said.

"No, he always looks like that," a third voice said.

Lovino didn't have to look to know who were hassling him. Francis, Gilbert and Antonio. The three that he could say for a fact were his bullies. Everyone hated him, but these three actually went out of their way to torment him.

Lovino tried to ignore them as best he could, but when Gilbert grabbed that errant hair, that was when he lost it.

"Fuck off, you bastards!" he shouted.

"Vargas!" the driver snapped, turning around. They were currently at a stop sign, so he could give Lovino his full attention. "I will not have that kind of language on my bus! And if you really want to fight, I have no problem with letting you _walk_ to school!"

Lovino flinched, and some of the other students laughed, while others scoffed. He didn't need to know how disgusted they were with him. It was completely normal.

And he knew that either Feliciano or Marcello would tell their father, and he would be yelled at again. He wasn't trying to fight. He just wanted to be left alone.

Having succeeded in their mission, the other three left him alone, snickering at the scolding Lovino received. The Italian looked out the window, trying to prevent the tears stinging his eyes from falling. He refused to show those assholes how much they hurt him.

He just wished that he could go _one_ day without anyone hassling him. Just once, he didn't want to feel like the scum of the earth.

"You know, I feel sorry for Feli," Antonio's voice said from behind him. "To have someone like _him_ for a twin."

"I know," Gilbert snickered. "His parents should have thrown him in the trash as soon as he was born."

Those words stung. Lovino bit his lip, trying to hold in the tears. His right hand absently made its way to his left arm. He pressed his hand into the sleeve, feeling the warm skin of his arm. Finding one of the cuts, he pressed a nail into it. He managed to hold in the hiss of pain, and he focused only on the pain, until the tears no longer threatened him. Only when he thought it was safe did he remove his hand, checking the nail to see if there was any blood.

When the bus stopped, he couldn't get off of it fast enough.

He didn't immediately make his way to his class, but instead made his way to the bathroom. He locked himself in one of the stalls and focused on his breathing. He didn't want anyone to see what they did to him. He refused to grant them that victory.

Only when the bell rang did he make his way to homeroom, ignoring the teacher who threatened him to arrive sooner. Luckily, he wasn't in the same class as Feliciano. He could escape his twin's perfection for a little while.

He ignored all of the glares the others sent him. He was used to them, after all.

It was sad to know exactly how much he was used to.

…

It was gym class, and Lovino was merely sitting on the side lines, watching the others as they did random exercises. There wasn't really a specific task they had to do. And if _he_ did nothing, then the others couldn't do anything to him. They wouldn't do anything that would make it look as though they were slacking off, like Lovino was.

"Vargas, get up and move already!" Mr Adnan exclaimed.

Lovino glanced towards the teacher, trying to convey his disappointment. He sighed, standing up and starting with simply jogging in place. He saw the teacher turn away, and he stopped.

"You don't seem to get the idea of gym class, do you?"

Lovino bristled when he heard that voice, and he turned around to see his three tormentors approaching, smirks on their faces.

"Why don't you just leave me the fuck alone?" Lovino growled.

"Language," Francis chided, a mocking smile on his face. "You don't want to _walk_ back home, do you?"

Lovino growled, and he turned away. However, a hand on his shoulder forced him to turn back to the other three.

"You know, I was wondering," Gilbert said. "You're always covering your arms. We want to see those tattoos."

Lovino felt himself panic as they grabbed his sleeves. He knew about the rumours that he was using his shirts to cover tattoos, and he was fine with it. He wasn't breaking any rules. But if _they_ saw what he was _actually_ covering up…

He pulled himself away, and raised his fist in warning. A whistle made him jump in surprise.

"Vargas, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Mr Adnan shouted.

Lovino backed away. He glared at the teacher, before storming away. It was typical. No matter what others did to him, _he_ was always the one that got into trouble for simply trying to defend himself. Everyone was always blind to what was happening to him, and only saw what _he_ was doing, and never what was being done to _him_. And no matter how many times he tried to explain himself, _he_ was always the monster.

He stalked over towards where the jump ropes were gathered, and he paused. Seeing those ropes right now…

He had been thinking about it long and hard. The only uncertainty that remained was _how_. All he knew was, he was ready. He was just so _tired._ Tired of _everything_. And seeing those ropes now, he knew that he had his method. And as for place…

He would go check if the bathrooms were suitable later.

At the end of the period, he snuck one of the ropes underneath his clothes and went to change. He always made sure to get changed in one of the locker room's toilet cubicles. No one would see it there. Just like no one saw his scars.

…

Lovino had already checked out the bathroom, and was on his way to the library. He could have done it right then and there, but with it being lunch, there were still many people that could walk in. He needed to find a better time. Like the period directly after break, or perhaps the last period. The teachers never allowed students to go to the bathroom during those periods, so no one would interrupt him.

"Hey, Feliciano!"

Lovino jumped in surprise, before looking up. To his surprise, the boy was looking at _him_, and not his brother. Lovino didn't recognise him, but as much as he hated to be compared to his brothers, he hated being mistaken for one of them, so he fixed a glare on his face. The other flinched.

"Sorry," he said. "Like, I'm new here, and I like need to get my textbooks at the library, but like, I'm totally lost, and I was like wondering if you could help me."

It took Lovino a while to figure out what it was that the other was actually trying to say. But his expression turned neutral. It was just that he didn't know about the differences between them yet.

"I guess I can show you," Lovino said, finishing his trip up the stairs.

The other boy fell into step with him, and Lovino felt it a bit odd. He also tried to pretend that he didn't notice the other looking at him.

"So, like, I'm Feliks," he said. "Um, what's your name?"

Lovino glanced towards Feliks, surprised that he had _no_ idea yet. He should have at least heard _something_.

"You know my brother's name but you haven't heard of _me_ yet?" he asked. "Usually people would talk about us in the same breath. It's annoying."

Feliks frowned.

"Like, Feliciano was the one that showed me to homeroom this morning," he said. "And he didn't say anything about a brother. He was too busy talking about…"

"Everything else," Lovino said. "Yeah, he never shuts up."

"So… Your name?"

He was silent for a moment.

"Lovino," he said at last. "We're here."

Lovino opened the door, revealing the library. Lovino liked the library. It was his haven. He had grown tired of everyone giving him hell during the day, particularly during the breaks and lunchtime. And when he realised that everyone else seemed to avoid the library, well… At first, he only hid there, but eventually he started immersing himself in the books. They offered a brief escape. And the librarian was probably the only teacher in the school that didn't think that he was the devil's spawn. Sure, he had to go without lunch, but he could live with it.

"Like, they should totally label these rooms," Feliks huffed.

"Some asshole stole everything last week," Lovino said, bristling slightly. "And besides, no one really comes here, so I doubt most people even know that there _is_ a library."

Lovino didn't add that _he_ was the one accused of the crime. He was framed! But no, the fault went to him, since it was something 'that he would do'.

To Lovino's surprise, Feliks chuckled. Feliks brushed past him and turned back.

"Like, thanks for the help," Feliks said.

Lovino merely grunted, not sure what to say. He wasn't going to say that he was on his way there anyway. He didn't want the other to spread the word. He waited a while until Feliks was preoccupied before going to his corner. He had Sartre to finish.

…

As Lovino went back towards his next class, someone bumped into him. The other started to apologise, until he saw who it was.

"Oh, it's you," he spat. "You know, you should apologise."

"Why?" Lovino asked. "_You_ bumped into _me_."

The other sneered.

"It's always about you, isn't it?" he said. "You know, if you were actually _nice_, then people might _like_ you."

Lovino scoffed, pushing past the ignorant asshole. He'd tried being nice. And it only resulted in him being used and abused.

"Why don't you just kill yourself?" the other called after him. "Do everyone a favour."

Lovino gritted his teeth, hearing the snickers around him. He wouldn't show them how much his words hurt.

'Don't worry,' Lovino thought. 'I will.'

…

When the bell rang to signal the last period, Lovino slipped into the bathroom while the others were going off to class. He made his way to one of the stalls and locked himself inside.

He took a deep breath, ignoring the stench, before turning his attention to the stall's door. It was one of those that didn't go all the way up to the ceiling, and had a beam across the threshold. He had already tested it to see if it could support his weight. Now, all that was left was to actually do it.

He waited until he was sure that everyone was in class, before pulling the metal trash bin closer, opening the door in the process. He removed the jump rope he took earlier and, standing on the bin, started to tie it to the beam, before tying a noose, or as close as he could get. He swallowed thickly, before tying the noose around his neck.

Closing his eyes, he kicked the bin away.

His natural instinct was to pry the rope away from his neck, but he tried to keep his hands still. He didn't know how successful he was. All that he was aware of for a long time were the offensive cord around his neck, and the painful sensation in his chest.

And then… hands. Hands trying to undo the knot. Lovino's eyes snapped open.

"N-no," he gasped.

The other didn't listen, and after a while the pressure was released. Lovino was grabbed, and both he and his 'rescuer' tumbled to the ground. It was painful, but he'd experienced worse.

Lovino started pounding his fists against the chest of his 'rescuer', and he noticed that it was the new boy, Feliks.

"You bastard!" Lovino shouted "Why did you do that? You should have just let me die!"

Feliks gasped, and the next thing Lovino knew, he was wrapped in the other's arms. He tried pushing the other away, but soon enough he lost his strength, and he simply started crying into Feliks's chest.

He failed. Like everything else in his life, he failed. He couldn't even kill himself. And even though Feliks 'saved' him, he knew that it was only a matter of time before the other would regret his choice. He would wish him dead, like so many other people.

The words of the day echoed through his head, but there was one statement that seemed to pierce through all the others.

"I don't want you to die," Feliks whispered to him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to Alllans for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 3**

Lovino didn't know how long he and Feliks remained like that. It was embarrassing to cry in a stranger's chest, but he never cared about what other people thought about him. No, that wasn't completely true. He didn't care about the lies they thought about him. But Feliks was seeing the truth. The truth he hadn't allowed anyone to see for a long time. He felt vulnerable. And even though being wrapped in someone else's warmth for a change felt nice, he didn't feel comfortable.

He sniffed and pulled away. Feliks gave him a small smile.

"Better?" he asked.

Lovino huffed, looking away.

"Don't you have business to take care of?" he asked. "They'll get suspicious if you take too long."

"And what about you?" Feliks asked.

Lovino shrugged.

"This isn't the first time I missed class," he said.

Feliks sighed.

"Like, it's okay," he said. "I came here because I was starting to have a panic attack. Like, the teachers totally understand."

Lovino frowned. Why would Feliks admit to something like that so freely?

"…Don't tell anyone about what happened," he said.

"…Are you really like intent on maintaining your image?" Feliks asked.

"I'm not maintaining anything."

Lovino didn't elaborate. He was still uncomfortable with being so close to someone.

"…I see," Feliks said. "Okay then."

He stood, and Lovino looked towards him. Feliks smiled.

"Can I like trust you?" Feliks asked. "Because I totally don't want my parents getting a call about me having a like huge panic attack."

Lovino knew what Feliks was asking him. He wanted to know if he would try to continue what he started. Lovino huffed.

"Why do you even bother?" Lovino asked. "Give or take a few weeks, you'll be wishing me dead too."

He hadn't meant to say it, and it was clear that Feliks hadn't expected it. Feliks averted his eyes.

"Like, what about Feliciano?" Feliks asked. "Or… What was the other's name? Marco?"

"Marcello," Lovino corrected.

"And how would they feel about it? Do you think they want you dead?"

"I doubt they'd even notice."

Feliks stared at him sadly, and Lovino pointedly looked away.

"…I hope I see you tomorrow," Feliks said.

Lovino watched him leave, and he slumped against the wall. It was the first person in years who decided to be nice to him, with the exception of his brothers. And he had probably chased him away. But he didn't care! He barely knew the kid, and if he hadn't been the new kid, then he would have let Lovino hang. And he would have been hailed as a hero.

Feliks would probably be telling everyone that Lovino had tried to commit suicide. And Lovino's grief would only increase. He would listen to more people calling him a failure for not being able to do the one thing they all wanted him to do.

He couldn't go to class. He didn't want to have to explain himself. And he didn't want to have anyone glaring at him, whether it was the teacher or his classmates.

There was only one place he could go to. And he didn't even want to go there. He didn't want to have to explain why he was crying. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. And the gates were locked.

He needed to wait until the school day officially ended before he got out. And then he would have to wait until he could be sure that no one would see him. About fifteen minutes was fine.

…

Feliks made his way over to his mother's car. She smiled when she saw him, and he returned the smile.

"Hi," she greeted when he opened the door. "How was the first day? Did you make any friends?"

"Maybe," he replied.

"And were the others nice to you?"

He paused. He thought about Lovino. Well, he was nice enough to show him to the library. But the rumours about him… And his reaction when Feliks saved him…

_Why do you even bother? Give or take a few weeks, you'll be wishing me dead too._

Feliks swallowed nervously. The Lovino he saw and the Lovino he heard about… they seemed like two different people.

"Feliks?" his mother asked worriedly, snapping him to reality.

"Like, everyone was nice to me," he said.

She sighed.

"I thought we agreed to be honest with each other," she said.

"Like, I am," he said. "Everyone was nice to _me_. It's just… I saw a guy who needs a friend, but it doesn't look like he wants one."

"What do you mean?"

"He… He's in a bad place. I want to help him out, if he'll let me."

She sighed, before starting the car.

"It might be difficult," she said. "Sometimes, people don't want to be helped until it's too late."

Feliks pursed his lips. He knew what it was like. He also knew that there were many reasons. Feeling too proud. Feeling ashamed. Not thinking that they were worth help.

From his conversation with Lovino, it seemed as though he felt that he wasn't worth help. But Feliks had every intention of showing him that it wasn't the truth. He just needed to get close to Lovino.

…

Lovino waited fifteen minutes before he left the bathroom. The janitor had already started his rounds, and Lovino decided that it was a good time to leave.

Of course, the bus was long gone as well, but that was fine. He had no intention of being trapped in that box again that day. He also didn't want to be harassed by those three assholes. And he could use the walk.

The fact that they lived forty-five minutes away from the school actually worked to his advantage. He had a lot of steam to blow off.

As he was walking, he couldn't help but think about the incident. He had failed at suicide. Just like everything else. But he had hoped that this would be the one thing he could do. And it would be the one good thing that he could do for the rest of the world.

Out of all the times, why did someone need to go to _that_ bathroom at _that_ time? And it just so happened to be the person who's known him for the least amount of time, and thus the only person who would think to stop him. Part of him wanted to be angry at Feliks for stopping him, and the other wanted to continue crying into the chest of the first person to ever tell him that he didn't want him to die.

But that would change soon. Lovino knew from experience. Feliks would see that his brother was a lot better than Lovino and decide that he wanted to be friends with Feliciano instead. Or perhaps even Marcello, even though it was rare for kids of different grades to befriend each other at that school. And even if Feliks didn't decide to go with Feliciano, he would get sick of Lovino soon enough and decide that it would be in his best interests to push him away. Like many others.

Like Antonio once, and Francis, and now both of them were among is bullies.

Lovino knew that it was his fault that they had come to hate him. He knew that it was his very existence that filled people with so much hatred towards him. And he wasn't going to try to convince anyone otherwise. It never worked out. And he was tired of trying to convince everyone that he wasn't the scum of the earth. He had stopped believing that he wasn't a long time ago. He had tried keeping his distance so as to not give anyone a reason to be angry with him, but like everything else, he failed that too.

Lovino had accepted a long time ago that he was destined to be alone. He wasn't destined for friendship, and he especially wasn't destined for love. But even if he accepted it, it didn't stop the thought from being painful. He could feel his chest constricting, and his eyes stung with tears, but he refused to let them fall. He desperately blinked them away, and started steering his thoughts in a different direction.

He had failed suicide, just like he failed everything else. But unlike the other things, he was going to continue trying. Because he hated the fact that his entire purpose in life was to be hated. And if he could only die, then he would make his family happy as well.

He came to a sudden stop, turning to the right. It was a small cemetery, and it wasn't his destination, but he turned into it anyway. He walked the familiar path, until he arrived in front of a familiar headstone. He couldn't help the small, sad smile that painted itself on his face.

"Hi Mama," he said. "I don't know if you know, but… I almost joined you today. That is, if we're even destined for the same place. I don't think I deserve it. They'll kick me out. And I'm sure that, after what I did, you wouldn't want me there anyway."

Lovino sat down in front of the headstone, and he reached out to touch its warm surface, baked by the sun.

"But even if you don't want me there, I still want to see you one more time," Lovino said. "I miss you. And I'm sorry."

He saw that the hand touching the headstone was trembling. He knew that it wasn't due to his emotions. It always happened whenever he came to speak to his mother. It was the reason why his mother was dead. He clenched his hand into a fist and brought the fist to his lap.

"I guess you chose the right name for me," Lovino said bitterly. "But you should have kept it the way it was. I ruin everything."

He ruined his family. And he was still ruining it. Every day he was alive, he ruined things for his family. Even though his father hated him and his brothers kept their distance, he still loved them. He hated the fact that his existence was upsetting them. He knew that their lives would have been infinitely better if he had never been born.

He didn't know how long he'd been there, but eventually he decided to leave. He looked back one last time, before continuing on his way home, already anticipating the shitstorm that was waiting for him.

He was right.

"What the hell, Lovino?!"

His father hadn't wasted a second before he yelled at him. Lovino hadn't even had the chance to step into the house, only to open the door. His father stormed towards him, and Lovino closed the door before his father could feel embarrassed to have anyone else seeing this.

"The school called me," Romulus said. "You skipped the last period. What were you doing?"

"I was in the bathroom," Lovino said flatly. "Indigestion. There's a witness, if you don't believe me."

His father deflated just a little bit, but he still looked furious.

"And now?" he demanded. "Where were you? Why weren't you on the bus?"

"I went to visit Mama," Lovino said, averting his eyes.

That got his father to deflate a little more. He took a deep breath, before he stalked off.

"Go to your room and do your homework," Romulus said.

Lovino sighed in relief. It had gone better than anticipated. He knew that mentioning going to his mother's grave managed to calm Romulus down from whatever rage he was in. And Romulus knew that Lovino would never lie about it.

With the crisis averted, Lovino made his way towards his room. He didn't immediately start with his homework, and instead grabbed the book that he kept on the desk. He opened it to the page that he was busy with, and started writing.

_Man, you look like shit.  
No, he always looks like that._

_You know, I feel sorry for Feli, to have someone like him for a twin.  
I know. His parents should have thrown him in the trash as soon as he was born._

_Why don't you just kill yourself? Do everyone a favour._

He'd always had a talent for remembering words. Words he'd read, and words he'd heard. The only way to get the words he'd heard out of his mind was to write them down. When his mother was alive, she was the one that suggested writing them down, and then burning the paper. But when she died, there was no one there to burn the paper for him. And instead of papers, it's become three books.

He supposed that it was unhealthy, but having them haunt his thoughts would be far less healthy than writing them down. And he supposed that a secret part of him was hoping that one of his family members would find it. Would see how many scars he had to bear. And if he actually succeeded in killing himself, they would have been the perfect suicide notes.

He sighed, before he went back to his bedside drawer. He needed to feel the blade in his skin to feel better.

…

Romulus was in his office, slumped behind the desk. He was worried about Lovino. He knew that the other only went to visit Chiara's grave when something was bothering him.

Lovino didn't know that he knew, and Romulus wasn't going to mention it to him. He was trying very hard not to push his son away. And he knew that Lovino wouldn't be too happy to hear that Romulus knew that about him.

He could still remember how it had been after his wife's death. Lovino had grown more aggressive, and more withdrawn. That was when the fights started. And then one day, Lovino disappeared. Romulus had gone looking for him, fear and worry fuelling him. He finally had the idea to search in the cemetery, and sure enough, he found Lovino next to his wife's grave, hugging the headstone. Fear and worry were replaced by anger and relief, and as he had stalked closer towards Lovino, he started to hear what the other was saying to the headstone. And fear and sorrow replaced anger and relief.

"_Please, take me with you! I don't want to stay here. I want to be dead too. I want to be with you. Please, Mama, I'm sorry!"_

It was heart-breaking to hear a six-year-old begging for death like that. And Romulus couldn't help but think that he was partially to blame for Lovino's words. Because these weren't the words that belonged to a child that couldn't understand why his mother wasn't coming home. These were the words of someone that genuinely wanted to die. Lovino understood everything that it entailed, and he begged for death.

Romulus had never felt so guilty in his life. His son was in pain, and he ignored it in favour of his own.

It wasn't very easy to convince Lovino to come home, but he managed it. Neither of them spoke about what had happened in the cemetery, and the two of them had grown more distant. And then the trouble started. Teachers calling him in because of Lovino's bad behaviour. Lovino picking fights. At first, he tried to justify his behaviour by saying that he was still traumatised by his mother's death, but as the years went by and Lovino's behaviour worsened, he knew that he couldn't use that excuse anymore.

He just didn't know what to do with that boy.

…

Lovino's homework was decided by the throw of a die. He already knew that he wouldn't do everything, and he wanted to have at least _something _done. Though, he didn't know why he even bothered. If he didn't do it, then he'd get scolded, and if he did it, then everything would be wrong and he would be called stupid to boot.

He honestly didn't know why he even tried.

He knew that he needed to make another attempt soon. His patience with everything was waning. And the scars on his heart were too painful to bear. He only had to think of a way to end it.

His hand automatically made its way to his neck. He winced when he felt how tender the skin was. Well, hanging was out. He needed to think of another way.

Well, slitting his wrists was his last resort. Considering how fast he stopped bleeding, he doubted that this would be a good method for him. Perhaps he could jump in the nearby river. Or from the school building. Or he could swallow a bottle of pills. And hopefully, he wouldn't fail this time.

…

When Feliks entered his English Literature class, his eyes immediately fell on Lovino. He already managed to deduce that Lovino wasn't in his homeroom, and this was probably the first class he shared with Lovino. Or, at least the first where he noticed Lovino.

Feliks swallowed his nerve, before he went to sit down next to Lovino.

"Like, hi," he greeted.

Lovino tensed, before he turned towards Feliks. The Pole tried not to flinch when he saw the glare on the other's face.

"What do you want, bastard?" Lovino snarled.

Feliks nervously licked his lips.

"Like, I thought I'd sit here, unless someone else already does?" he said, before the statement turned into a question.

"Why?" Lovino demanded.

"Like, why not? So, does anyone sit here?"

Lovino snorted, and the silent message was clear, as though it was being shouted. _No, no one sits next to me._

Feliks was determined to become Lovino's friend. Even if the other didn't want it. Because Feliks could see that Lovino needed help, and he wasn't going to have a repeat of the previous day's events.

Normally, Feliks would have shied away from someone as hostile as Lovino, but he felt that the hostility towards him was warranted. After all, Feliks had caught Lovino in a very vulnerable position. He just hoped that he wasn't in that same position again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to Alllans and Related to Moon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 4**

Feliks was starting to get frantic. It was lunch break, and he was looking for Lovino. He had searched through all the boys' bathrooms (if Lovino was in one of the girls' bathrooms, then Feliks would have known about it), and he remembered Elizaveta saying that Lovino liked to go to the roof, but the access was locked. He didn't know what else to do.

"_No one really comes here, so I doubt most people even know that there _is_ a library."_

Lovino's words the previous day hit him like a flash. If Lovino was such a delinquent, and he was under the impression that most people wouldn't know about the library, then how did _Lovino_ know?

He rushed towards the library, and once he arrived, he started searching around. He finally found his quarry in the back, his nose buried in a book. Feliks sighed in relief, and Lovino, startled, whipped his head up.

"What the hell?!" Lovino exclaimed somewhat quietly. "What the hell are you doing here? Are you stalking me or something?"

"Or something," Feliks said, sticking his tongue out playfully.

Lovino's eyes narrowed, and it was clear to Feliks that he didn't find it particularly funny. He sighed, before he sat down across from Lovino, who tensed at the action.

"Like, I'm worried about you," he said.

"Don't be," Lovino said. "I was trying to do the world a favour, for once, and you ruined it."

Feliks looked at Lovino sadly.

"Like, don't say that about yourself," Feliks said.

"Why not?" Lovino challenged.

Feliks took note of Lovino's attire. He was wearing a turtleneck shirt, and he wondered if the rope had left a mark. He bit his lip.

"Like, you look like you need a friend," Feliks said. "Why don't you want _me_ to be it?"

Lovino laughed sardonically.

"Like I haven't heard that one before," Lovino said. "Look, if you want to be friends with my brother, then you don't have to go through me."

"Who said that I wanted to be friends with your brother?" Feliks asked.

"Because _everyone_ wants to be friends with them."

Feliks looked at Lovino with a pained expression. Lovino scoffed.

"I don't need or want your pity," he said. "Just leave me alone, okay?"

"Like, it's not pity," Feliks said. "It's empathy."

"You don't understand the meaning of the word, do you?"

Feliks bit his lip.

"I guess I can understand why you're like this," he muttered. "I mean, I saw yours, so… I should show you mine."

Lovino looked confused as Feliks rolled up his sleeve, before he revealed the marred forearm. Lovino's eyes widened.

"What the…?" he whispered.

"Like, I know what it's like to feel that you need to die to make everyone else happy," Feliks said. "And I guess I'm the last person to tell you that you shouldn't try to kill yourself. Like, I tried it too."

Feliks also revealed the other arm, which had the same mark. It was still relatively recent, and was still an angry red.

They were silent for a long moment. Lovino's eyes were fixated on Feliks's arms, and the Pole bit his lip. He had every urge to pull his arms away, but Lovino needed to see this as well.

"Why?" Lovino asked at last.

Feliks sighed in relief. The tone was a lot less hostile than it used to be.

"Why did I try to kill myself, or why am I showing you?" Feliks asked.

"…Both, I guess," Lovino responded.

"Right. Like… How do I explain? Why am I showing you? Um, you see… Like, I know what you're going through. Well, like, not exactly the things, but I know how you feel. And, like, you need to see that you're not alone."

Lovino scoffed.

"And…" Feliks continued, ignoring Lovino's disbelief, "like, why I did that… The others at my old school were, like… not merciful. Because I… I like to wear girls' clothes and… like, because I'm gay."

Lovino arched an eyebrow, and Feliks bowed his head. He had no intention of letting anyone know about any of this, but…

"You shouldn't let that Hungarian psycho hear about it," Lovino said at last.

"L-Liz?" Feliks asked in alarm. "But, she was like…"

"She's not homophobic," Lovino said. "The opposite, actually. You'll find yourself being stalked by her while she's trying to get a photo of you with some bulky guy to satisfy her perverted fantasies."

Feliks froze. That… actually sounded scarier than the alternative.

"And… Like, what about you?" Feliks asked.

"My dad always said that it doesn't matter what you're into, as long as you're happy," Lovino said. "And I personally never thought about things like that. Why should I care about if you like guys or girls?"

Feliks sighed in relief. He had been worried, but it would seem as though Lovino wouldn't bully him about it.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Lovino shrugged, before he turned his attention back to his book. Feliks licked his lips. He wanted to make sure that Lovino got the message.

Still, he wasn't as angry as he had been earlier, so Feliks decided to continue.

"So, like, I know those rumours about you smoking on the roof aren't true," Feliks said.

"And how do you know_ that_?" Lovino asked, an eyebrow arched.

"Because, like, the access doors are closed."

"Congratulations. You're the first one to check the fucking facts."

"And… I'm going to guess that you don't have tattoos on your arms."

Lovino looked annoyed, and his arms were folded against his chest. He was neither confirming nor denying Feliks's claims, and he wasn't going to allow Feliks to check.

"Okay…" Feliks said.

"Why are you even still here?" Lovino asked.

"Because, like, I want to be your friend."

"No. You think you found someone you can share your pain with. And I won't tell anyone about anything that you told me – not that anyone would even believe me. But I've got my own fucking problems."

Feliks narrowed his eyes.

"Like, why are you so against having friends?" Feliks asked.

"Because everyone who's ever wanted to be my 'friend' only used me to get to my brother," Lovino spat. "As soon as they realised that they don't have to be nice to me to be Feliciano's friend, they dropped me like a hot potato. And some of them thought that I would be exactly like Feliciano, only to find out that I'm not, and they wanted nothing more to do with me."

Feliks felt his annoyance disappear. Lovino scoffed, grabbing his book.

"I'm not going to get anything done with you bothering me," Lovino said as he stood.

"Wait," Feliks said, "what if I can prove I'm nothing like the rest?"

"And how do you plan to fucking do that?"

"Give me a chance, and I'll show you."

Lovino shook his head.

"Why do you even want to waste your fucking time?" he whispered.

"It's _my_ time," Feliks insisted. "I'll decide if I'm wasting it or not."

Lovino stared at him for a long moment before he sat down again. Feliks sighed in relief.

"You can like test me, if you want," Feliks continued.

"I've just got one thing in mind for now," Lovino said.

"And, like, that is?"

"Don't tell anyone where I am during lunch."

Feliks frowned, but nodded his head.

"So, what are you reading?" he asked.

"_The Shining_," Lovino said, grabbing the book again.

"What's it about?"

"…Are you seriously trying to tell me that you've never heard of the movie?"

"There's a movie about it?"

Lovino groaned, and Feliks listened as the Italian explained what the book was about. Feliks nodded along, but instead he was focusing on Lovino. There was a soft look in the other's eyes as he explained, and all of his hostility had disappeared. Feliks wanted to see Lovino like this more often.

However, it wasn't too long before the bell rang, and Lovino froze slightly as he stopped.

"You may want to get away from me now," Lovino said.

"Why?" Feliks asked.

"Because you don't want any of those bastards seeing you with me."

Feliks was confused, but when he saw Lovino narrow his eyes, he knew that he needed to do as he was told. He made his way towards the entrance, and turning back, saw Lovino at a much slower pace.

As Feliks made his way towards his classroom, he would constantly turn back to look at Lovino. He could see Lovino looking at him in annoyance each time, and he would motion to him to turn around.

It was at one such time that he saw it. Lovino was stopped by three others. He remembered seeing them in some of his classes, and they seemed nice. Not now.

They said something to Lovino, but Feliks was too far away to hear. And it was obvious to him that Lovino was trying to get away, but the three of them wouldn't allow it. This was a scene that Feliks had seen many times.

_Because you don't want any of those bastards seeing you with me._

Feliks's eyes widened in realisation. It would also explain why Lovino had asked him to keep quiet about being in the library. Lovino didn't want his bullies to know where he was hiding, nor did he want Feliks to get into trouble for simply being near him.

"Hey!" an excited voice said, startling Feliks from his thoughts. "I was looking for you."

He turned to see Elizaveta, and he gave a shaky smile to the Hungarian.

"Like, I don't really like to eat lunch," he said.

There was a shout from behind him, and Feliks turned to see that the situation with Lovino had only worsened. Elizaveta clicked her tongue.

"Honestly," she muttered. "Can't he just leave them alone?"

Feliks wanted to protest that it was the other way around. That Lovino was the one that needed to be left alone by _them_. But Elizaveta grabbed his wrist and started dragging him off.

"Come on, we're going to be late," she said.

Feliks looked back towards Lovino one more time, and he saw that a crowd had gathered, but one of the teachers had come to interfere. His heart ached when he realised that Lovino was the one that would be blamed for this.

…

Lovino had been on his way to class when those three came into sight. He came to an immediate stop, frowning.

"There you are," Gilbert said. "You know, we've been looking for you up on the roof, but you locked the door behind you."

"Fuck off," Lovino muttered, before trying to storm past them.

"I don't think so, Lovi," Antonio said, grabbing a hold of his arm and holding him back.

"Get away!" Lovino growled, but Francis grabbed his other arm.

"Not until you apologise," Gilbert said.

"What the fuck for?"

"Well, the language, first of all. And then you need to apologise for existing."

Lovino snarled, before he headbutted the one that was nearest, which was Francis. The French boy let out a shout of surprise and pain, and Lovino wrenched his arm from Antonio's grip, but before he could go anywhere, Gilbert grabbed him and threw him against the wall. Lovino grunted in pain when Gilbert punched him in the stomach.

"And now you need to apologise to Franny for hurting him," Gilbert hissed.

"Go to hell," Lovino spat.

"That's where _you_ belong," Francis said, before he slapped Lovino across the cheek.

Lovino hissed in pain, but he refused to show them any tears. He knew that that was what they wanted, and it was something he wasn't willing to give them. His eyes darted around, seeing the growing audience. Some of them were looking at him with satisfied expressions, others were shaking their heads in disappointment at _him_. As though _he_ was the one that wanted this.

He was pulled back to the current situation when Antonio decided to punch him in the solar plexus, and he wanted to double over in pain, but Francis and Gilbert held him up.

"Come on now," Francis said. "Apologise!"

Lovino glared at them and tried to lash out, but he was still winded, and his punch had no power. Not like the punch Gilbert threw at his throat next.

"Alright, that's enough!"

The crowd cleared as Mr Zwingli, the Economics teacher, decided to break them up. Instead of feeling relieved, Lovino glared at the teacher. Because no matter how much of the assault against Lovino he saw, Lovino would still be the one that received all the blame.

Once their grip on him loosened, Lovino took the chance to yank himself free and ran away, pushing those in his path out of his way as he ran towards the nearest bathroom.

"Vargas, get back here!" Mr Zwingli shouted.

Lovino ignored him as he made his way to the bathroom. He entered one of the cubicles and closed the door behind him, before rolling up his sleeve. He didn't have anything to cut himself with, but he could _still_ do something. He brought his wrist up to his mouth and bit hard.

It was ironic that the best way for him to keep in his tears was to inflict pain upon himself.

Every time he felt a wave of tears threatening him, he bit harder into his skin. He could taste blood, and knew that he was biting on one of the more recent cuts, which he had just caused to bleed again. But that didn't matter. He was looking for pain.

It took a long while before he determined that he wouldn't be crying, and he released his arm. He idly looked down, seeing a bit of blood, and also seeing the deep indentations left by his teeth. None of these broke the skin, but some looked as though they were close.

The period was already well underway, and he knew that there was no way that he would be able to go to class now. He also couldn't go to the nurse's office. By now, Francis would have been sent there, and he would be able to pretend that he was the victim. That Lovino was the one that started the encounter.

His mind flashed back to Feliks, and he couldn't help but feel a hint of bitterness. If the other hadn't stopped him the previous day, then this wouldn't have happened. He would have been dead, and he didn't have to continue suffering like this.

A part of him was also bitter about the fact that Feliks said he wanted to be his friend, yet he was nowhere to be seen while Lovino was framed for yet another 'fight'. But another part was relieved. Lovino realised that Feliks was a victim as much as he was. He'd already survived his encounter with the evil that was bullying. And Lovino didn't want him to be exposed to it again. Not while he was still healing.

He leaned back, trying to calm his nerves. He idly looked down towards the bite mark, seeing the bruise that had already started forming around the indentations. He hated the fact that those bastards made him do this to himself. And he hated himself for being unable to resolve this in a better manner.

He checked his watch, and determining that he still had a few minutes before the bell would ring, he made his way out of the cubicle and towards the mirror. He didn't look too different from normal, and satisfied that he would be able to fool everyone, he waited for the bell to ring before he stalked out of the room.

…

Feliks was nervous as he made his way to the next class. It didn't take him long to figure out that Lovino was supposed to be in the previous class, but he never showed up. He ignored the snickers from the others, and the teacher's disgusted look. He was too worried.

What if Lovino decided to try again?

Just before entering the class he laid those thoughts to rest. Lovino was coming from the opposite direction. Feliks rushed to join him.

"Like, where were you?" he hissed. "I was worried about you."

"What does it matter?" Lovino asked, as he made his way to the back of the class.

Feliks frowned, immediately sitting down next to Lovino. The Italian arched an eyebrow when he saw this.

"Like, I know what really happened," Feliks said. "And I know it's not your fault. And, like, I'm totally sorry I didn't come help, it's just…"

"Forget it," Lovino said. "I know. You didn't want to ruin your reputation before it had a chance to form."

Feliks flinched a bit at that.

"Like, that's not the thing at all," he said. "It's just… I was in your position, and… like, it brought back bad memories."

Lovino sighed, and Feliks was pleased to see that he seemed to soften his expression a bit.

"Feliks!" a familiar voice hissed in alarm.

Feliks turned to see Elizaveta standing there, looking between him and Lovino. She then fixed her gaze on him and forced a smile on her face.

"Um, Feliks, why don't you sit next to me?" she asked.

Feliks shook his head, and Lovino sighed.

"You're just ruining things for yourself," Lovino muttered.

Elizaveta looked as though she wanted to drag Feliks away, but he also realised that she didn't want to do that since it would put _her_ in a bad light. So instead, she sat down in the middle of the class. Close to where Feliciano was.

The teacher soon called the class to order, and Feliks couldn't help but notice the expression on the teacher's face when he looked over towards them.

"Alright class," he said. "As you know, we're all from different corners of the world. So, we're going to do a project. You and your partner will research the historical relations between your two native countries and deliver a report in two weeks' time."

Feliks perked up, before looking towards Lovino, who didn't seem to be thrilled by the idea.

**So, I made Lovino a bookworm. There are a few reasons for this decision, such as him being shown as a fan of the Chivalric Romances in canon, and it's also canon that he's read **_**Don Quixote**_**. There's another reason that should come into play a **_**lot**_** later.**

**Also, I'm not sure whether I want romance between Feliks and Lovino, or if it should just remain a (attempted) friendship. The way I'm currently writing leans more towards friendship, but we'll see what the future brings.**

**Well, consider this my birthday gift to you.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to RandomFan, Chireain, Alllans, Eternal Nexus Warrior and MonalisaRomano17 for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 5**

"Alright, so, like, should we start on the project tomorrow?" Feliks asked.

"What makes you think that I'm going to be working with you?" Lovino asked.

"Do you have anyone else in mind?"

Lovino didn't answer. In truth, he couldn't figure out why anyone would want to do a project with him. No one ever wanted to be in a group with Lovino. Sometimes, his assigned partner would tell him that he didn't have to bother with anything and that his partner would do everything. They said that they didn't want to fail. And other times, the person would outright ask if he could have another partner. But that was only when they were assigned partners. When they were allowed to choose their own partners, then Lovino was always the one left behind. Even if the class was made up of an even number, there would always be a group with one extra member because that person didn't want to be in a group with Lovino. But sometimes, if they were in the same class, Feliciano would volunteer to be with Lovino. But the elder twin could always tell that it wasn't really by choice. Feliciano would already be with someone else, but in the rare instances when he would pay attention to his brother, he would see that he was alone and offer to be with him.

Lovino hated it when Feliciano did it. If they did poorly, then Lovino was the one that got blamed for bringing his brother down, even though they did an equal amount of work, and everyone who had been in a group with Feliciano knew that he would try to delay the work for as long as possible.

"Okay then," Feliks said. "Should we go to my house or yours?"

"Yours would be better," Lovino said.

He didn't really want to have to see his father being painfully nice to someone because he was a guest. Especially since that same kindness couldn't be extended to his own son. He also wanted to limit the amount of time Feliks spent around Feliciano. Because a part of him _wanted_ the companionship, but he knew that his new 'friend' would abandon him for Feliciano. They always did.

"Okay then," Feliks said. "I'll like tell my parents, and you can have enough time to tell yours that you wouldn't be coming home immediately."

Lovino shrugged. He wasn't always home at the same time that Feliciano and Marcello were. He would sometimes prefer to walk instead of riding the bus. But he would need to be careful. The terrible trio would sometimes choose not to ride the bus either, and they would have no reason to pull any punches. Literally. Away from the school's faculty, they had no reason to continue pretending to be 'model students', and they would often torment Lovino. And Lovino would be the one to get into trouble with his father when he saw the injuries and assumed that Lovino got in a fight.

However, having Feliks as an alibi would certainly help his case. And for once, Feliciano could be useful and confirm that they had a group assignment. Feliciano would probably need to work with his partner anyway.

Perhaps this could be good. It could help avoid any unnecessary shouting. Because Lovino was honestly getting tired of being yelled at for things that weren't even his fault.

"So, why can't we start today?" Lovino asked.

Feliks flinched, before averting his eyes.

"Um…" he muttered. "I… I like have an… appointment."

He nervously rubbed his arms, and Lovino understood. Feliks had an appointment with a therapist. And naturally, he was unable to say it out loud.

"Sorry," Lovino said gently.

Feliks gave a small smile, and he seemed to perk up a little.

"Like, don't worry about it," he said. "So, tomorrow. I'll like ask my mom to pick us up after school. Just tell your parents that you like won't be coming."

Lovino nodded his head, trying to ignore the pang of pain when Feliks mentioned 'parents'. Plural. It had been years, but Lovino still carried the guilt and pain from his mother's death.

…

After school, Lovino made his way to the bus, along with his brothers. As long as no one told his father that he had skipped a class, or that he had been in a 'fight', then everything would be okay. He wouldn't have to listen to another chewing-out.

He noticed that the terrible trio weren't on the bus, and he relaxed somewhat. He could still feel their various punches. The one against his throat was especially torturous, since he was a little bruised from his… attempt the previous day.

It was unfair. Lovino was the victim, and yet _he_ was the one that got all the blame. _He_ was the one that everyone hated. Did he do something in a previous life that earned him this punishment? Was this life the hell that another life deserved? Because if that was the case, then he didn't know why he had to suffer for something that he couldn't even remember.

The ride was silent, and soon enough, they arrived home. But Lovino wasn't given a chance to relax.

"Lovino!"

He flinched, hearing the angry sound of his father's voice. Something that he was too familiar with. And soon enough, their father came into view.

Feliciano and Marcello, the traitorous cowards, quickly fled. They didn't want to be near when their father yelled at Lovino. Probably because he was always nice and friendly to _them_. Seeing their father anything but must have been scary.

"The school called me again," he said, crossing his arms. "You skipped another class."

"Stomach problems," Lovino said, subconsciously placing his hand there. "So sue me."

Romulus narrowed his eyes.

"You seem fine _now_," he said.

"After yesterday, I took some medication with me," Lovino lied.

If anything, he was a good liar. People would believe the lies that others told about him, so they would believe the lies that Lovino told.

Still, his father narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Lovino decided that he would need to change the topic.

"We have a group project to do," Lovino said. "I'm going to my partner's house tomorrow to work on it."

"Since when do _you_ make an effort with a project?" Romulus asked, though there was a hint of relief in his voice. "What's the project?"

"We have to do research on the history between our two native countries. So, I have to look up the history of Italian-Polish relations."

"Poland, huh?" Romulus asked, a wistful smile on his face. "Fine. Just don't make your partner do everything."

Lovino grunted, before he went up the stairs. He came out relatively unscathed. There was the subtle jab at his 'laziness', but all things considered, it went fine.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder why his father said nothing about the 'fight' he got into. Did the school not inform him? Hopefully, Feliciano and Marcello knew nothing about it.

…

Vash Zwingli sighed, grading papers. This was all the teachers could do, wasn't it? Grading papers. And then the children had the audacity to complain about the amount of work _they_ got, and challenge the teachers that they had no idea what their workload could be.

They didn't have a clue.

He paused when he came across the paper of Lovino Vargas. He could already tell that it was a half-hearted attempt. But instead of the usual annoyance, he couldn't help but think a bit about the Italian boy.

He had seen the punch thrown at the boy's throat. No matter the circumstances, there should have been no reason why Gilbert Beilschmidt should have gone for such a delicate area. And then there was the look that Vargas had thrown him… It wasn't a glare of anger. It was a glare of hurt, humiliation, pain and betrayal.

There were also other emotions. One looked a lot like surrender. And then, when he saw him in the hallways after school, Lovino's eyes looked _dead_. As though he had given up on all hope of living.

He realised that he would have to keep a close eye on that boy. Lately, there was something wrong with him. Something on a deeper level. And frankly, it terrified the teacher.

He hadn't reported the fight he'd seen, purely because of the disturbing emotions he'd seen in Vargas's eyes. He didn't know the full story. And Beilschmidt and his friends said something about Vargas insulting them and they lost their temper, but Vash had seen the smiles on their faces. They had _enjoyed_ their assault.

He didn't usually get involved in the students' issues, but he had a feeling that he would need to see what was going on there. And if possible, he would need to intervene in the most appropriate way.

…

Feliks fidgeted nervously. It wasn't his first time at the therapist's office, but it didn't change the fact that he was nervous. He was forced to speak about things that he felt uncomfortable with. Though thankfully, Dr Williams was very nice, and allowed him to take his time.

He jumped when he was called in, and he nervously made his way to the office. Dr Williams looked up when he entered and smiled.

"Hi Feliks," the doctor greeted. "How are you?"

Feliks nodded his head, sitting down across from the doctor. He frowned in concern.

"Is there something bothering you?" he asked. "Wait… you started a new school, right? How has it been for you? Did you make any friends yet?"

Feliks nervously licked his lips.

"Like, it was fine," Feliks said. "Everyone was nice, and… Um, there are a few people that approached me, but… Um, you see… there's like someone that I think I _need_ to be friends with."

The therapist frowned, leaning back slightly.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Feliks hesitated for a moment, before he sighed.

"I… I walked in on him attempting suicide," he said.

Dr Williams's eyes widened, and he leaned forward.

"Could you tell me exactly what happened?" he asked.

Feliks nodded his head.

"Like, I was feeling a bit of a panic attack, so I asked if I could like go to the bathroom," he recounted. "When I walked in… I saw a guy hanging in one of the cubicles. Well, like, the door, and the area on top… I managed to get him down, but… He really wanted to die."

Dr Williams sighed, massaging his temples.

"You did the right thing," he said. "Have you told anyone?"

Feliks shook his head.

"He's not very popular," he said. "In fact, it almost looks as though everyone hates him. Even the teachers. I don't want to make things harder for him. But… Like, I really think that he needs a friend."

"Well…" Dr Williams started. "Without speaking to him myself, I won't be able to tell what he needs. If you can convince him to come see me, I might help him."

Feliks shook his head.

"Like, he's stubborn," he said. "He won't ask for help."

"That just means he really needs my help," Dr Williams sighed. "Those that truly require help are afraid to reach out. They're afraid of bearing their souls, or being seen as weak, or having others believe that they're only after attention. And usually, they won't get help until it's far too late. He's already attempted suicide, and if he doesn't get the help he sorely needs, then he might attempt it again. And next time, he might succeed."

"Like, I'm totally afraid of that too."

"However, your approach might work. He needs to see that he's not alone. That there are those willing to help him. You'll be surprised how much a single kind word can do."

Feliks thought back to the bathroom, after he saved Lovino. He had been so resistant at first, but then had clung to him. He was seeking the comfort that Feliks provided.

"Like, I think I know what you mean," Feliks said.

"However," Dr Williams said, looking serious. "You need to be careful not to force him. You would only end up pushing him away."

"Okay," Feliks said, nodding his head. "Like, we have a group project to do together."

"Good. That way, you can get to know him a little better, and you have the project to act as a barrier, should he start to feel uncomfortable. You should also be careful not to let him think that the only reason why you're interested in being his friend is because you feel sorry for him."

"Like, he already told me that he doesn't want my pity, and I told him that it's not pity. I also told him about… About my own attempt. He calmed down after that."

"Calmed down?"

"He's… He's a bit prickly."

Matthew nodded his head.

"I see," he said. "Is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"Like, I know he has two brothers," Feliks said.

"And what's his relationship with them?"

Feliks shrugged.

"I'm not really sure," he admitted. "But… He also seemed to think that I wanted to use him to make friends with his brothers."

"…If you're at his house for the project, I want you to look at the interaction between him and his brothers," Dr Williams said. "See if you can see what the nature of their relationship is. And if possible, you should go to his brothers to help him."

"I'll try."

Dr Williams nodded.

"So, is that all that was bothering you?" he asked.

"Tak, I guess," Feliks said. "Everything else at my school is going well."

"I'm glad to hear that."

…

Lovino sighed, closing the book. He'd already written down the day's verbal abuse, and so he could continue with something else.

He booted up his laptop, before he started to look for information on the historical relations of Italy and Poland. It would help to have at least a basic idea of what to look for. Taking his notebook, he started jotting down notes, specifically looking for dates and events that could prove useful. He would start searching for more information in the library the following day.

There was a knock on his door, and he groaned, before the door opened to reveal Feliciano, smiling brightly.

"Lovino, do you want to come watch a movie with us?" Feliciano asked.

"No thanks," Lovino said, turning away.

"But… it's _Macbeth_."

Lovino paused. He usually liked to watch the adaptations of Shakespeare's plays. _Macbeth_ was one of his favourites. However…

"I'm not in the mood," he said, continuing to look for more information.

He could almost imagine Feliciano's pout, and after a few seconds he heard his door close. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. This was probably one of the few times when Feliciano was considerate about him, and his interests.

Lovino glanced towards the bookshelf, which was packed with books, mostly classics. He approached the shelf and searched for the book that held the complete collection of Shakespeare.

He was proud of his book collection, not only because of the contents, but because _he_ bought each and every one of them. Ever since he was a kid, he preferred to spend his allowance on a book. He'd always liked the escape that they offered.

As he was searching, he came across a book of fairy tales. This book was thick, holding about fifty tales. This book was precious to him, as his mother always read these tales to him, and she in fact taught him how to read with this book. Soon enough, they would read together.

Lovino felt a pang at the reminder of his mother, and decided to abandon his search for the book. He found himself suddenly not in the mood. Not for anything.

He went to his bed and lay down. He curled up in a ball, trying to ignore the ache in his chest as he closed his eyes.

…

"Feliciano, go fetch Lovino," Romulus said.

Feliciano nodded, going up to his brother's room. It was time for dinner, and apparently Lovino didn't hear their father calling them. Feliciano knocked on the door before opening it.

The room was dark, and he could see a lump on the bed. His brother was sleeping. Well, he would need to wake him up if he wanted him to get something to eat.

As he approached, he realised that Lovino's sleep wasn't peaceful. His breathing was erratic, and he kept mumbling something. Feliciano reached out a hand when he heard something in particular.

"I'm sorry, Mama," Lovino muttered.

Feliciano was startled. Lovino was dreaming about their mother? Well, it wasn't too surprising, actually. Lovino had always been closer to her than Feliciano or Marcello were. And when she died, Lovino was devastated. To make matters worse, Lovino was in the car with her when the accident happened.

Feliciano swallowed thickly. He was caught between letting Lovino dream about their mother, and waking him up from the bad dream. He bit his lip, before he shook his brother awake.

"Lovino," Feliciano whispered. "Ve, it's dinner time."

Lovino's eyes snapped open, and Feliciano stepped back. That was when he realised that his brother was crying. Lovino averted his gaze, probably trying to hide the tears.

"I'm not hungry," he said. "I'll just take a shower and go to bed."

"Oh, okay," Feliciano said, before he left the room.

In truth, Feliciano was nervous around his twin brother. There was something about Lovino that put him on edge. It didn't help that Lovino was always brushing him off, especially when he tried to hug him. There were a few times when Lovino had hit him when Feliciano hugged him. But lately… it was as though Lovino's fire had been extinguished.

Feliciano told their father that Lovino wouldn't be joining them, and Romulus sighed in annoyance, before scooping Lovino's food back into the pot.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 6**

When Lovino awoke the next morning, it was with a massive headache. He groaned, the alarm clock not doing him any favours. He pushed himself up and shut off the alarm, before closing his eyes again, trying to stave off the headache. It took a few minutes before he climbed out of bed. He could hear the footsteps of his father approaching. Well, there wasn't a reason for him to have a problem.

The door was flung open, and Lovino glanced towards it.

"Looks like you managed to get out of bed this time," Romulus said.

"Do we still have aspirin?" Lovino asked, hand climbing to his head.

Romulus sighed, before he turned and left. Lovino was looking around for something to wear when his father returned, carrying a glass of water and a single pill.

"Only one," Romulus said firmly.

Lovino nodded, before accepting the pill and water and drank it down. Romulus sighed.

"Get dressed," he said, before leaving.

Lovino knew that his father assumed that he had abused some sort of substance, but he didn't care at the moment. Headaches were becoming more frequent, and he was actually getting a little worried about it.

He quickly got ready, and went down to the kitchen. He could once again hear his brothers speaking happily about things that neither concerned nor interested him. He plated up some of the breakfast before sitting at the table.

"Well, looks like it's going to rain," Romulus said. "Lovino is joining us at the table."

Lovino shot his father a look that conveyed his lack of amusement, and Romulus just smirked at the look. Feliciano giggled at their father's joke, while Marcello was busy swallowing and couldn't give a response.

As usual, Lovino stayed out of the conversation that followed. He didn't really have a contribution, and he would much rather finish his breakfast and do some final preparations before the bus arrived.

He found that he didn't have enough of an appetite for food, so he only ended up eating about half of his breakfast before he had to push it aside. He quickly stood up to leave.

"Didn't I teach you not to throw food away?" Romulus asked in annoyance.

"I'm not that hungry," Lovino said.

He quickly left before his father could say anything else to him. He wasn't hungry, and there was nothing that he could do about it. If he forced himself to eat, then he would only end up making himself sick. There was also the risk of the terrible trio punching him in the stomach. It had happened before that they punched him, and he had ended up getting sick because they punched him with a full stomach. And then they beat him further for getting sick. It was one of the reasons why he no longer ate lunch.

The bus arrived on schedule, and the three brothers were on their way out the front door. Marcello and Feliciano each received a 'have a nice day', while Lovino received a warning to not skip another class. It wasn't as though the one from the previous day was planned.

Lovino sat at his usual seat in the front of the bus, listening to his brothers' excited chattering with their friends. In spite of himself, he couldn't help but think back to Feliks the previous day.

Was the blond serious about wanting to be his friend? He couldn't think of any reason _why_, though. Except that Feliks had seen him trying to commit suicide, and was doing this as some form of charity. There was also the fact that Feliks himself had attempted suicide at some point.

He sensed someone sit down in the seat beside him, and he immediately pushed himself closer to the window, looking out. The one sitting next to him was one of three possibilities, and he didn't want to deal with any one of them.

"You know, you're lucky that you didn't break my nose."

Francis.

Lovino didn't respond. He hoped that, if he ignored him, then he would go away. But that approach had never helped him in the past. Still, there was a first time for everything.

"I deserve an apology," Francis said.

Lovino curled his fists. Even if he _did_ hurt Francis – not really intentional, but instinctual – there was the fact that Francis and his friends had threatened Lovino. _They _had hurt Lovino as well, far more than Lovino could have possibly hurt Francis.

"Looks like he's trying to give us the silent treatment," Antonio said.

"Either that, or he's just too stupid to say something," Gilbert said.

"That sounds right as well," Francis said, and Lovino could hear the smirk in his voice. "He's too _stupid_ to say something."

Lovino gritted his teeth. He was determined not to give them a reaction. He wasn't about to be yelled at by the driver again.

"Seriously, I feel sorry for Feli, having to deal with a brother like you," Gilbert said. "At least _I_ have an awesome brother. But poor Feli and Marcello have _you_. When's the last time you were nice to them?"

"Forget it," Antonio said. "He doesn't know how to be nice. His mama never taught him."

Lovino bit the inside of his cheek as he tried not to rise to the bait. He also clenched his fists to the point where he was sure the nails would be digging into the flesh. Antonio _knew_ that any mention to his mother was a sore spot for him. Antonio had been his 'friend' when she died, and so knew how much Lovino loved her.

"You know, you need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around you," Francis sneered. "There are other people in the world. You can't always be expecting people to treat you like a prince."

That was rich, coming from the arrogant snob.

They kept taunting him until they reached the school. Lovino took a deep breath in relief. It was over.

"Don't think that this is over," Francis said darkly. "I still need to repay you for my nose."

"I think the punches your friends threw more than makes up for it," Lovino snapped.

He hissed in pain when Francis grabbed the back of his head, pulling the hair. He could actually feel as a few of them were torn out of his scalp.

"The difference between you and I is that_ I_ actually have people that care about me," Francis whispered into his ear. "What do _you_ have?"

Lovino gritted his teeth, and Francis thrust his head towards the window. Lovino sucked in a breath of pain, but thankfully Francis was moving away, leaving the bus. Lovino waited until he was the last one before he got off, ignoring the bus driver who gave him a dark look.

…

Feliks found Lovino in the library, surrounded by many more books. The Italian had a notebook open in front of him, and he kept checking it before leafing through another book. He would also jot down something on another page on occasion.

"Hey," Feliks greeted. "And all these?"

"Research," Lovino said.

Feliks checked again. They were history books, and Feliks frowned as he brought one of them closer.

"The history of relations between our countries stretches back to the Middle Ages," Lovino said. "Around the fifteenth century. Like most, if not all of Europe, Poland was influenced by the Renaissance. And in the sixteenth century, the king of Poland married a member of a powerful Italian family, Bona Sforza, who brought some more Italian influence into Polish culture. For some strange reason, it doesn't look like you had salads or vegetables as part of your cuisine until she came along."

Feliks could only stare at all of the books, and especially the notes that Lovino jotted down.

"Like, you're making me feel bad," Feliks said. "You've been working so hard, and I haven't done anything yet."

"If you want to help," Lovino said, not looking up from his book, "take one of these and write down any keywords you find useful, and also write down the pages."

Feliks nodded his head, grabbing the nearest book and starting to make the notes that Lovino suggested. The two worked in silence, and Feliks was starting to think that, perhaps, Lovino didn't mind being his project partner.

Then again, there was also the possibility that Lovino was trying to finish as swiftly as possible in order to get rid of Feliks sooner.

The Pole decided to think positively.

"So, did you tell your parents that you'd be coming to my house?" Feliks asked.

Lovino tensed a bit, before he nodded his head.

"Si," he said. "Feliciano and Marcello have club activities, so they'll be staying after school."

"What clubs are they in?" Feliks asked.

"Art for Feliciano, and swimming for Marcello."

"And what about you?"

"I'm not in any clubs."

"Really? But, what are you interested in?"

Lovino paused, and Feliks's stomach dropped when he realised that Lovino was trying very hard to think of something.

"Like, I know you like books," Feliks said. "Isn't there a book club?"

"Not at _this_ school," Lovino said, but Feliks could see that he relaxed a bit after Feliks pointed out his love of books.

"Why don't you totally start one?"

Lovino chuckled wryly.

"No one would believe that I would start a book club," Lovino said. "And besides, no one would want to come to a club that _I_ started."

Feliks bit his lip at the self-deprecation that Lovino inflicted on himself. But then again, Feliks had been the same a few weeks ago. He just needed to show Lovino that what he said about himself wasn't true.

Feliks could think of nothing more to say, and the two of them continued their search for information in silence. After what seemed like an eternity, the librarian came by, most likely doing some rounds.

"Doth mine eyes deceive me?" she asked, her eyes widening. "Someone else is here."

Feliks gave her a nervous smile, and Lovino rolled his eyes.

"We're working on a project," he explained, not looking up.

"I can see that," she said. "What's surprising is that _you_, Lovino, are working _with_ someone. And that someone is actually using the library." She then turned to Feliks. "You haven't gotten a library card yet, have you?"

Feliks shook his head, and the woman beckoned him closer.

"Come with me," she said. "We can sort this out, and it would be nice to have someone other than Lovino having a card."

Feliks followed her to the front, and she took a ledger and a piece of project board out.

"Like, is Lovino the only one that uses the library?" Feliks asked.

The woman looked sad as she nodded her head.

"Unfortunately," she said. "Not a lot of students at this school are interested in books. They would much rather play games on their cell phones. And when they have a project, they prefer to look on the internet. This is what makes it the perfect place for Lovino."

Feliks looked back in the direction where Lovino was still working, before turning back to the woman.

"So, like, you know he's bullied?" he asked.

"You need to work on your speech," she sighed. "Saying 'like' as often as you do is not proper English. But, yes, I'm aware of his situation. It's painfully obvious to anyone that actually tries to look."

"Well… Why doesn't anyone _try_ to look?"

"Because people only see what they want to see. It's much easier for them to accept that Lovino is a delinquent who gets into fights than it is to accept that he's a shy individual who just wants to be left alone. People won't see what's right in front of them until they're forced to confront the truth in the most painful way possible."

Feliks thought back to what happened two days ago. It was the second time he'd interacted with Lovino, and he saw how much pain he was in. He wondered, if he hadn't seen that sight, would he have believed Elizaveta's words about him?

Thinking back to what he thought when he first heard Elizaveta's words about Lovino, Feliks realised with shame that he would have believed her. He _did_ believe her, at least for a while. But that didn't change the fact that he had been one of the ignorant idiots that believed the worst of Lovino.

He was silent as the librarian continued with her task, before finally handing him a card. It was made of the same project board that he'd seen earlier, and had his name and grade. There was another card that she'd folded as an envelope, and she also had his information on the system.

"Put it to good use," she said, smiling sadly.

"Thanks," he said, before he turned to return to Lovino.

The Italian was still hard at work, and Feliks quietly sat down across from him. They worked in silence until Lovino closed his notebook, surprising Feliks.

"We need to get going," Lovino said. "The bell rings in five minutes. We also need to check out a few of these books if we're going to work today."

Feliks nodded his head, and he took the book that he had been working on and followed Lovino to check the book out.

"So, what's your last period?" Feliks asked.

"Math," Lovino said.

"Aw, I have chemistry."

Lovino sighed.

"Where should I meet you then?" he asked.

"Like, you can meet me at the gate," Feliks said, ignoring the librarian's look at his verbal tic. "And then I can take you to my mom's car."

Lovino nodded his head in understanding. After checking out their books, the two started to make their way out of the library, but Lovino hung back.

"Like, what's wrong?" Feliks asked.

Lovino frowned, but didn't answer. Feliks realised that he was doing the same thing as the previous day and gave Feliks a head start so as not to be seen with him.

"Like, if you walk with me, then they might not bother you," Feliks suggested.

Lovino paused, before he shook his head. Feliks sighed.

"Like, you missed a class, didn't you?" Feliks asked. "They hurt you, and I'm giving you a chance to avoid getting hurt again. Besides, everyone in our history class would know that we're partners. And, like, I'm the new kid. They would say that I don't know better yet."

Feliks was proud by the amused snort that Lovino gave, before he sighed.

"Fine," he said. "But don't say that I didn't warn you."

Feliks beamed, and the two of them made their way to their economics class.

…

"Alright," Mr Zwingli said. "Do you understand the production cycle _now_?"

Lovino honestly couldn't say that he did, but he knew by now that the teacher wouldn't expect anything else. He sighed in relief when the bell rang, and like the others, he started packing his bag.

"Vargas, I want you to stay behind," Mr Zwingli said.

Lovino froze, hearing several snickers and other mocking sounds. Even though his brother was also in this class, it was clear to everyone that the teacher wanted to see Lovino.

Feliks threw him a worried look from where he was sitting next to Elizaveta, but Lovino ignored him. It wasn't the first time a teacher had called him back for his 'behaviour', and he knew that it was about the 'fight' that the teacher had witnessed the previous day.

Though the others wanted to linger to hear what kind of trouble Lovino was in _this_ time, one look from Mr Zwingli had all of them running for the door. When they were alone, the teacher closed the door before standing in front of his desk.

"What happened yesterday?" Mr Zwingli asked.

Lovino knew it.

"Didn't those three already tell you?" Lovino asked.

"I want to hear your side of the story."

Lovino was struck silent. Never in his life had _anyone_ wanted to hear _his_ side of events. They always accepted the words of the others. They never even gave Lovino a chance to defend himself.

Only one word came to mind.

"Why?" he asked quietly.

Mr Zwingli arched an eyebrow.

"We need to know each side of the story if we want the truth," Mr Zwingli said.

"Since when?" Lovino demanded, in spite of himself. "Since when do you care about…?"

He bit his tongue, but the damage was done. Mr Zwingli narrowed his eyes, and Lovino couldn't help but wonder how much detention he would have now. Without realising it, his hands had started trembling, but he did take notice of the fact that the teacher turned his attention to his hands.

"Vargas, I couldn't help but notice that a lot of the fights you land in happen to involve Beilschmidt, Carriedo and Bonnefoy," Mr Zwingli said. "What exactly is your problem with them? Or their problem with you?"

He knew what Antonio's problem with him was. He also knew Francis's problem with him. The thing was, he couldn't figure out what he had done to Gilbert to make him hate him. To make him bully him.

After a long moment of silence, the teacher sighed.

"Vargas, I just want to know your side of the story, and then you can go," Mr Zwingli said.

"What does it matter?" Lovino muttered. "None of you ever believe me."

"Try me."

"…I was just trying to get to class. I was just trying to get away."

He'd said things like this a hundred times. And a hundred times, he was told that that wasn't what everyone else said. That it was his word against many. And he learned a long time ago that his words meant nothing.

He folded his arms, and that was when he noticed that his arms were shaking. He pressed them tightly against his chest, willing them to stop.

Mr Zwingli sighed, before he got a paper pad on his desk. He wrote a few things before tearing the first page off and handing it to Lovino.

"Class is already underway," the teacher said. "Show that to your next teacher if you want to avoid trouble."

Regardless of the signature, Lovino would still get in trouble.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to Lalahona for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 7**

Feliks tried to focus on his class, but he couldn't help but think about Lovino. He hoped that the other wasn't in some kind of trouble, like the other students seemed to think he was. Even Feliciano, Lovino's own brother, seemed to think that Lovino was getting scolded at that moment, but instead of enjoying it like the others, Feliciano just looked worried.

That was another thing that made Feliks furious. The other students seemed to enjoy the idea of Lovino being in trouble. He was just glad that Lovino wasn't around to hear some of the things they said.

"Feliks, can I have a word with you?"

He turned to see Elizaveta, sitting next to him. She had a concerned look on her face, and Feliks felt his worry grow.

"Like, what's wrong?" he asked.

"It's about Lovino Vargas," she said. "You shouldn't get close to him."

Feliks felt his worry grow into anger, but he kept it under control. There wasn't much of it yet, after all.

"And, like, why not?" he asked. "Because of bogus rumours?"

She blinked in surprise, before she sighed.

"Look, I've known him a lot longer than you," she said. "And I've seen how he is. Trust me when I tell you that he's a bad influence. He's a bully towards anyone that tries to be his friend, as well as his brothers. I'm only looking out for you."

Feliks shook his head. He knew that Elizaveta didn't know what she was talking about. Lovino was the one that was bullied. And if he was a bit hostile, it's because he wasn't used to people being nice to him. Feliks had seen as much.

_Give or take a few weeks, you'd be wishing me dead too._

"I also think that you should ask for a different history partner," Elizaveta continued. "Lovino will just let you do all the work. Honestly, it's not worth it."

Now Feliks knew for a fact that she didn't know what she was talking about. So far, Lovino was the one that did all the work. He'd started before the scheduled time. They were supposed to start that afternoon at Feliks's house, but Lovino had already created the outline of the project, and had already identified several sources. Feliks was actually worried that _he _would be the one holding Lovino back.

"Like, did _you_ ever actually try to get to know him?" Feliks asked.

"Of course I…" she started.

"If you did, then you would know that the rumours are just that: rumours, and lies."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I have eyes. I can see."

Feliks turned away from Elizaveta, silently telling her that he no longer wanted to discuss this. He felt horrible that everyone seemed to think poorly of Lovino. And none of them seemed to know him. They also didn't seem interested in getting to know him.

Feliks felt saddened when he thought that everyone believed the lies told about Lovino, and Lovino had to live with the knowledge that they believed the lies. That certainly explained why Lovino didn't seem to even be trying. Because he must have tried before, and he could have seen that it wasn't working. He must have given up.

He looked around the class, eyes falling on the one person that might be able to listen to him about Lovino: Feliciano. He wanted to see how much Lovino's twin knew. And perhaps, with Feliciano's help, he could show Lovino that there were people that cared for him.

…

Lovino arrived at the gate, and he waited for Feliks. Of course, the other students in his previous class had told the teacher that Mr Zwingli had held him back. He found it interesting how everyone automatically thought that he was in trouble.

If either of his brothers were held back, then everyone would ask them if everything was alright. They would be _concerned_. That was not the case with Lovino. No, they _enjoyed_ the possibility of him being in trouble.

"Like, sorry for making you wait."

Lovino turned around to see Feliks approaching. The smaller male smiled when he reached Lovino, before he looked around.

"Like, there's my mom," Feliks said, grabbing Lovino's arm.

Lovino allowed Feliks to drag him towards a dark purple car. Feliks released him, and Lovino could see the woman waiting inside. Feliks made his way to the backseat, opening it. He turned back to Lovino, and he realised that it was an invitation. As Lovino drew closer, Feliks sat in the back, sliding along the seat to allow him space. He hesitantly followed him.

"You must be Lovino," Feliks's mom greeted. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, senora," Lovino greeted politely.

"Feel free to call me Felicja. There's no need for formalities."

"I'd feel more comfortable just calling you Senora Felicja, then."

Felicja chuckled, before she started the car. It was strange for Lovino. He couldn't recall a time when an adult actually laughed at something he said. Or laughed at all in his presence. He was usually met with scowls, and with scoffs of disgust, and comments about him being rude.

Lovino didn't really pay attention as the mother and son conversed. He decided that it would be best for him to stay out of it. Instead, he looked at the scenery out of the window, trying to get his mind off the conversation he'd had with Mr Zwingli.

Since when did any of the teachers care?

He learned that Feliks didn't live far from the school, about three minutes driving. Feliks could easily walk, but Felicja was kind enough to pick him up.

"Like, dzięke, mama," Feliks said as he got out of the car.

Lovino was confused that Felicja wasn't making a move to shut off the car, but followed Feliks out. Felicja waved at them, before backing out of the driveway.

"Why isn't she staying?" Lovino asked.

"Like, she still has work to do," Feliks explained. "She works during her lunch hour so she could take the time off to pick me up from school."

"If that's the case, why don't you take the bus? Or walk?"

Feliks winced.

"…A lot of my bullies attacked me on the bus, or cornered me when I walked home," Feliks explained.

Lovino nodded his head, leaving the subject there. Being bullied himself, he knew that the bus and the streets were dangerous places. Feliks's parents were forced to see that their son was in danger, and they were taking precautions. But Lovino knew that his father wouldn't care enough about him if he learned of Lovino's own attempt. He would just be disappointed that Lovino failed.

With those heavy thoughts, he followed Feliks to the front door, avoiding the blond's eyes. Feliks led him inside, and Lovino looked around at the living room.

"Like, are you hungry?" Feliks asked. "Thirsty?"

"No, thank you," Lovino said quietly.

Feliks frowned, before he disappeared. Lovino looked at the furniture, trying to figure out where to sit. Not that he felt worthy of sitting there. He didn't want to make a mess of their living room, which would inevitably happen with his presence.

"Like, you can sit wherever you want."

Lovino jumped in surprise, before he spun around to see Feliks standing behind him, holding two glasses of some sort of soft drink. Lovino stared at the glasses blankly as Feliks pushed one of them towards him.

"Like, I know you said that you don't want anything, but I got you something to drink, at least," Feliks said.

Lovino hesitantly accepted the glass, and Feliks smiled.

"Like, why don't you sit down?" Feliks asked.

Lovino looked towards the furniture, before choosing the armchair. Feliks sat down on the loveseat across from him.

"Like, do you want to start immediately, or do you want to relax first?" Feliks asked.

"We should finish this as soon as possible, so that I can get away sooner," Lovino responded.

He saw the look of hurt on Feliks's face, and Lovino knew that he sounded harsh. It came out completely wrong. He understood that Feliks would interpret it as Lovino wanting to leave his presence, while in fact, Lovino wanted to remove his presence from Feliks. It was best for the Pole. He didn't need Lovino around to drag him down.

And he didn't want Feliks to hate him too.

He knew that it was inevitable. Feliks would hate him, just like everyone else. It was just a matter of time. He already knew what Feliks would say when that day came: 'I should have let you hang'.

"O-okay then," Feliks said, removing the book he checked out of the library from his bag. "So, like, should we write or type it?"

"The school prefers if everything is written," Lovino said. "Something about knowing that you actually did the work, and that you didn't just copy and paste it, or that you didn't get your parents to do it for you."

"Oh. Well, then, like I totally understand why they want us to write it. But… Like, I don't have a nice handwriting."

"I'll write. Just help me find everything, alright?"

Feliks nodded, and the two of them went to work, with Feliks rifling through Lovino's notebook, searching for all the pages Lovino had marked as important in the two books they had at their disposal. Lovino had already mapped out a timeline, but they needed citations and references. The two worked in silence for a long time, until Feliks leaned backwards, stretching and groaning.

"Like, my back is totally starting to hurt," he said.

"Then go stretch your legs or something," Lovino said.

"…Don't you want to take a break? Oh! Like, why don't we listen to music?"

"If it's any of that pop crap I'm going to have to get your ears tested."

Feliks deflated slightly, but then he cocked his head to the side.

"So, like, what type of music do you listen to?" Feliks asked.

"Something that's easy to ignore," Lovino said.

"Huh? Then what's the point?"

Lovino didn't answer. It was the normal response for the few times when someone asked him about his taste in music. He only played music as a source of background noise, and it was usually when he was working or reading. He feared that if he remained in silence, his mind would fill the gap with the sound of the others' voices, telling him to die. The terrible trio's voices were the ones he heard the most.

Feliks pursed his lips.

"So, like, Elizaveta told me something earlier," he said. "She said that you bully anyone that tries to be your friends."

The words were like a punch to the gut. Lovino curled in on himself, avoiding Feliks's eyes as he searched for the next citation.

"…Like, that's a lie, isn't it?" Feliks asked.

Lovino shrugged. He honestly didn't know. The people that wanted to be his friend thought that it was an invitation for them to do whatever they wanted. That they could touch him when he didn't want to be touched. That they could say whatever they wanted and call it a joke. That they could give him nicknames when he neither wanted nor accepted them. And then they got upset that Lovino didn't like it.

"…And what about your brothers?" Feliks asked.

"Can we stop talking about this and get back to work?" Lovino demanded.

Feliks quickly nodded, and Lovino felt that he had messed up again. This had happened in the past, after all.

They continued working in silence, until they heard a car. Lovino looked up, and soon enough he heard the front door opening.

He listened for a while longer, and soon Felicja made her way to the living room. She smiled at the two teens.

"How's it going?" she asked. "Are you making progress?"

"Tak," Feliks said. "I'm almost finished with all of these citations. Like, I might need another book."

"That's good. I think. Oh, Lovino, would you like something to eat or drink?"

"No thank you," Lovino said, before checking his watch. "Actually, I think I should head back home."

"Okay then. Come on, I'll drop you off."

"No, you don't have to," Lovino quickly said. "I'll walk."

Felicja smiled.

"It's not a problem," she said. "I'm glad to take you."

"Oh, but we should decide when we'll work again," Feliks said. "Well, like, I know we'll probably work on it during lunch. But I have therapy tomorrow afternoon, so, like, Friday at your house?"

Lovino caught the surprised look that Felicja sent Feliks, probably since he mentioned his therapy session, and Lovino was also surprised that Feliks would freely admit it. But he shook his head at the last part.

"I don't think my house would work," Lovino said.

"Why?" Feliks asked. "Like, will your parents have a problem or something?"

"You're not registered for the bus," Lovino explained. "And I highly doubt you would walk that distance."

"Then instead of dropping you off here, I'll drop you off _there_," Felicja offered. "It's really not a problem."

Lovino looked towards Felicja, seeing that she had a stubborn streak that her son probably inherited from her. Lovino sighed in resignation.

"Alright then," he said.

He quickly packed up his things, before saying goodbye to Feliks. He followed Felicja to her car, and she started to drive back to the school so that Lovino could show her the way from there.

"I'm surprised that Feliks was so open about his therapy to you," Felicja said. "He's normally very shy."

"That's not the impression that I got," Lovino said.

"He's comfortable around you. That's good. Did he tell you that he was bullied at his old school?"

Lovino nodded his head.

"He also told me that… he tried to kill himself," Lovino said.

"Tak," Felicja sighed. "Feliks told me a bit about you. He said that he saw that you are suffering just like he did."

Lovino tensed. Exactly how much did Feliks tell her? He could feel his guard being raised, ready to push her away.

"I hope you realise that you're not alone," Felicja said. "You have family, and Feliks wants to be your friend. If life starts being too difficult, then you have people to support you. You don't have to suffer on your own."

Lovino said nothing, knowing that there was nothing that he could say. She was wrong. His family wouldn't help him. His father didn't care, Feliciano was clueless and hopeless, and Marcello was afraid of him. He couldn't tell them anything. Feliciano would most likely be the only one trying to help, but his efforts would just make things worse. And he would also announce his weakness to the entire school, making things worse. Just like when he told the others what Lovino's name meant.

Once they reached the school, Lovino started giving her directions. After a few minutes, she frowned.

"This is quite a distance," she said. "And you wanted to _walk_?"

Lovino shrugged.

"It's a good way to relieve stress," he said.

Felicja clicked her tongue, and Lovino could tell that she wasn't impressed. Though, he could tell that it wasn't _him_ that she was annoyed with. It was strange, having someone annoyed about something that he said, but to not have it directed at him.

Eventually, Lovino indicated his house, and she parked in the driveway. He grabbed his bag, but Felicja quickly stopped him.

"Just one more thing," Felicja said. "Feliks isn't one to make friends easily. He doesn't trust easily. Especially not after everything at his previous school. Feliks believes that you need him to be your friend, but he's also hoping that you would be his. So, please, don't hurt my son."

Lovino nodded his head, unable to get his voice to work. Of course, it made sense now. Feliks was desperate for friendship, and he saw Lovino trying the same thing he tried to do, and he figured that, since they had something in common, they could be friends. But Lovino was the last person that had any right to be anyone's emotional crutch. Feliciano would be better suited for something like that.

"Thanks for the lift," he said, before opening the door.

It wasn't until he'd unlocked the front door that Felicja's car started. He realised that she was waiting to make sure that he went inside. He didn't know what to think of that. When he stepped inside the house, it was silent.

Knowing that it probably wouldn't last, he started to make his way to his room. He was about halfway up the stairs when he heard his father's voice.

"Who was that?" he demanded.

Lovino stopped and turned around.

"I told you that I was working on a group project," he said. "That was the other guy's mother, dropping me off."

"That's very kind of her," Romulus said. "I hope you thanked her."

"Si, I did. We're also working on the project here on Friday."

"Oh, I like how you _tell_ me that you will, instead of asking my permission." Romulus sighed. "But at least now I can make sure that you _actually_ do your work."

Lovino narrowed his eyes, and he started going up the stairs again, when he was stopped again.

"Feli said that you were held back by a teacher," Romulus said. "Care to explain what that was about?"

"It's nothing," Lovino snapped, before he rushed up the stairs.

He knew that Feliciano would tell their father. It was what he always did. It was why Lovino knew that his twin brother couldn't be trusted. Feliciano and his mouth always made things difficult for Lovino.

As he made his way to his room, he almost bumped into Marcello, who exited his own room. The youngest brother jumped in surprise and plastered a nervous smile on his face.

"Ciao, Lovi," Marcello said.

"Don't call me Lovi," Lovino snapped, before reaching his room and slamming the door shut.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 8**

_Lovino swallowed nervously as he approached his father. The nine-year-old was always worried about speaking to him. The older Italian was never patient with him, and Lovino always remembered those harsh words._

"_P-padre, can I ask you something?" Lovino asked._

_Romulus turned to him, his face lacking the smile it would have for Feliciano and Marcello, but there wasn't a frown. His eyebrow was just arched in curiosity._

"_What is it?" Romulus asked._

"_Well… There's a kid in my class," Lovino said. "All of the other kids are mean to him. He's a bit cranky, but I think he's just lonely. I want to be his friend. Do you think that's a good idea?"_

_Romulus stared at him for a moment before he sighed._

"_This isn't something I'd expect from you," he said. "This is something I'd expect from Feli or Cello. It's nice, but… I don't think it's a good idea."_

_Lovino felt his heart drop._

"_Why not?" he asked._

"_Well… You said that everyone is mean to him and that he's cranky," Romulus said. "That must mean that he has a rotten personality. Someone like that would only hurt his friends. You're better off staying away. That type of person isn't worth your friendship."_

_Lovino felt his heart clench in his chest, but he lowered his head and nodded. He then turned around and tried not to run to his room._

_A rotten personality… Someone like that would only hurt his friends… Not worthy of friendship…_

_Lovino wondered what his father would say if he had told him that _Lovino_ was the boy._

…

Lovino woke up, tears staining his face. It was still dark, and a glance to the alarm clock revealed that it wouldn't be time to get up for a few more hours.

Lovino curled up into a ball, the horrible memory playing through his mind again. His father basically told him that he wasn't worthy of friendship. His body shook with sobs as his father's words echoed through his mind.

He sniffed, before turning on the lamp. He quickly opened the cabinet and withdrew the knife, before rolling up his sleeve. He took a deep breath before he dragged the knife along his skin. Again. And again. He also changed arms and made the same number of cuts. But it wasn't enough.

He pulled the nightshirt down a little, and his shoulders met the same fate. And then his chest. And his stomach. And then his thighs. Then his shins. He continued to cut himself until he stopped crying, and numbness replaced the pain.

He stared ahead of him for a moment, too numb and tired to do anything else. Finally, he managed to snap himself out of his stupor and started cleaning the new wounds. When everything was done, he turned the light off and climbed back under the covers.

As he waited for sleep to reclaim him, he thought of Feliks. The idiot who decided that he wanted to try to be Lovino's friend. Because he pitied Lovino. Because he thought that Lovino was the same as him. Because he was looking for an emotional crutch.

Lovino knew that Feliks went to the wrong person.

…

Lovino jumped awake the next morning when his father threw the door open. It was only then that he realised that the alarm was going wild.

"Wake up, Lovino!" Romulus snapped. "You're old enough that I shouldn't have to do this every morning!"

Lovino groaned, before he lifted himself up. He bit back a hiss of pain as the new cuts stung along his body. He'd been in a really bad shape the last time he woke up.

He was still tired after waking up in the middle of the night, and getting ready took longer than usual. He jumped when his father came back to fetch him.

"Are you ready now, or do you need me to dress you too?" Romulus asked sarcastically.

Lovino shot his father a look.

"You can glare at me all you want," Romulus said. "You need to work on your laziness at some point."

Lovino hadn't tried to glare at him. He had been trying to convey how much pain that statement caused. Yet another thing he failed at.

Romulus left, and Lovino tried to hurry, gathering everything together before going down the stairs and towards the kitchen. He said nothing, simply getting breakfast and eating it as fast as he could. He didn't notice that he ate less than normal. He wasn't hungry.

He had to go back upstairs to brush his teeth, and he made it just in time before the bus arrived. Lovino grabbed his bag, and made his way towards the door. His shoulder was grabbed by his father, and he flinched before snapping his head back to him.

"I don't want to get another call from your school," Romulus said. "I also don't want to hear that you were held back for anything."

Lovino could see the annoyance in his father's eyes, and he shrugged the other's hand off, before rushing out of the door, heading towards the bus. He made it just in time before the driver shut the door.

Lovino glanced around the bus, finally finding an empty seat. He sat down in it, before shutting out the rest of the bus by looking out of the window. There were only three people that would take interest in him, and he didn't want that to happen.

He could feel someone sitting down next to him, and he closed his eyes, mentally preparing himself for what was coming. There was also the threat made the previous day, and Lovino expected the threat to be acted out on soon enough.

"I saw you with that new guy," Antonio's voice said.

Lovino opened his eyes, but he didn't look at Antonio. He was preparing for the true attack.

"I can't believe that you would do that to anyone again," Antonio growled. "He seems nice. You should leave him alone."

Lovino clenched his fist, biting back the retort. _He_ wasn't the one to approach Feliks. The other was clinging onto Lovino, despite Lovino informing him beforehand that it wasn't a wise decision. Lovino didn't want Feliks's company, and Feliks would be better off without him.

Antonio clicked his tongue, and Lovino kept waiting for the Spaniard to continue his assault.

"Look at me," Antonio growled.

Lovino once again refused, and a few moments later he gasped as Antonio grabbed hold of the errant curl on the right side of his head. A curl Antonio _knew_ to be sensitive. Antonio tugged harshly, forcing Lovino to face him. The Italian tried hard not to show any tears, but with it being a natural instinct to having something so sensitive being attacked, he knew that it couldn't be helped. Antonio's angry face came into view, before grabbing Lovino's jaw with his other hand, thankfully releasing Lovino's curl.

"Listen carefully," Antonio hissed harshly. "You're a selfish bastard that needs to figure out that the world doesn't revolve around you. You're taking advantage of that poor kid, and I'm not going to let that happen. Neither will Gilbert or Francis. So, get it in your thick head: stay away. You're better off away from society where you can't poison anyone anymore."

Lovino managed to wrench himself free, and he tried to put as much distance between him and Antonio as the seat allowed. Instinctively, he kicked out at Antonio, who yelped in pain, before tackling Lovino, wrapping his hands around Lovino's throat.

"You shouldn't have done that," Antonio hissed.

"Hey, what's going on back there?" the driver asked.

Antonio narrowed his eyes, before releasing Lovino's throat. Lovino took a grateful breath, before he curled up against the window.

He hated that this happened to him. Everyone could see what was happening. No one would help. No one would tell the driver about what Antonio was doing to him. And the driver wouldn't pursue the issue. Not unless Lovino actually spoke.

Antonio's words kept echoing in Lovino's mind, and he wished that he could write them down. Write them down, get them out of his head. He also needed to get to the bathroom. He wouldn't show Antonio what he did to him. He would escape before Antonio gained a new weapon.

And as everyone finally filed out of the bus, he wished for them to move faster.

…

When Feliks entered the class, his eyes immediately searched for Feliciano. He found him easily enough, speaking with a group of friends. The twins were as different as night and day.

Feliks approached the bubbly Italian, who didn't immediately notice him. Feliks nervously looked around. There were too many people around. He needed to get Feliciano alone.

"Hey, Feliciano," Feliks called out.

Feliciano whipped his head towards him, and the already-present smile widened.

"Ve, ciao Feliks," Feliciano greeted. "Would you like to join us?"

Feliks quickly shook his head.

"Nie," he said. "Like, I need to talk to you. Um, like, alone, preferably."

Feliciano cocked his head to the side, but thankfully caught the message. They still had some time before the bell would ring. Feliks hoped that it was enough time to ask all he wanted to ask.

They stepped out of the classroom, going to the stairwell and standing out of sight. Feliciano had a curious frown on his face.

"Ve, what's going on?" Feliciano asked.

"Like, I wanted to ask you about… Lovino," Feliks said.

Feliciano's face lit up.

"Oh, is that all?" Feliciano asked. "Ve, what do you want to know?"

"…What's he like at home?" Feliks asked.

Feliciano placed a finger on his chin, thinking about the matter.

"Ve, he mostly keeps to his room," Feliciano said. "Mostly sleeping these days, actually. And Lovi isn't too easy to wake up. He can sleep through almost anything."

Feliciano said it innocently enough, but Feliks knew better. Before he'd attempted suicide, he had grown very tired. He would often sleep. And it became harder to wake up. Dr Williams explained that a change in sleeping patterns was often a symptom of depression, and it could go both ways. Lovino was sleeping more, because life exhausted him.

"What about your parents?" Feliks asked. "How's his relationship with them?"

Feliciano's smile fell, and there was a surprised look in his eyes.

"He hasn't told you?" he asked.

"Like, told me what?" Feliks asked.

Feliciano's expression turned sad.

"Our mama died a long time ago," Feliciano said. "Car accident. It's been almost ten years, actually. Next week's the anniversary."

Feliks took the news like a blow to the gut. He had been referring to Lovino's parents in the plural, when one of them was dead. It made him feel horrible, and made him feel like a jerk.

"Ve, Lovi was closer to Mama than Cello or I were," Feliciano said. "And he was in the car with her. He's still sad about it. And Papa… Lovi and Papa are always fighting. Mostly about Lovi getting in trouble all the time."

"And… what about _you_?" Feliks asked. "And Marcello?"

Feliciano winced, before he looked a bit nervous.

"…Ve, don't tell Lovi I told you any of this," Feliciano said. "He's… He doesn't like it when we hug him. He doesn't like it when we call him 'Lovi'. He also doesn't want to spend any time with us. To be honest… I'm a bit nervous around him. Especially lately. I don't know. Ve, it's like something's changed in him. And I'm scared of it."

Feliks bit his lip. He didn't know Lovino long or well enough to know what the change could have been, but if it scared Feliciano, then it couldn't be anything good.

But as for the reluctance to accept a hug… Feliks remembered when he found Lovino in the bathroom. How he was first reluctant to receive the hug, then accepted it as he cried, but when he had stopped crying he pulled away again. Feliks would have to ask Dr Williams about it.

"Like, does he bully you?" Feliks asked.

Feliciano gained a confused expression again.

"Ve, what makes you think _that_?" Feliciano asked. "No… Lovino's a bit rough around the edges, but he's not bullying me. He only gets mad at me if I hug him, especially from behind. Strange, huh? Oh, but there was a time when I kind of understood why he'd be angry. He broke his arm in the accident, and I didn't really understand it until Papa explained that every time I hugged Lovi I hurt his arm. Ve, I felt so bad. Oh, and he also gets mad if I call him Lovi to his face. I don't understand why he doesn't like that…"

Feliks was starting to relax a bit. Given how talkative Feliciano was, he was giving him a lot of information.

Before Feliks could ask anything else, the bell rung. Feliciano pouted, as though he was eager to speak to Feliks, but shook his head.

"Ve, we should get back to class," Feliciano said. "Grazie."

Feliks cocked his head. He knew that particular word.

"Why are you thanking me?" Feliks asked.

"Ve, for trying to be my brother's friend," Feliciano said. "Good luck."

Feliks felt that it was a little sad that Lovino's own twin would want to wish him luck for attempting to befriend his brother.

…

Feliks was on his way to the library when he was accosted by three figures. He'd seen them in some of his classes, but that wasn't what made him nervous. It was also because he'd seen these three tormenting Lovino.

"Hey, you're the new guy, right?" the German of the group asked. "Feliks or something."

"Tak," Feliks said, nodding his head for good measure. "And, like, who are you three?"

"I'm Gilbert, and these are my friends Antonio and Francis."

"We came to talk to you about something urgent," Francis, the blond, said. "It's concerning your association with Lovino."

Feliks narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Antonio raised his hands placatingly.

"Hey, we just want to tell you that it's seriously a bad idea," Antonio said. "Lovino is just using you to feel good about himself. Trust us."

"Tony and Franny both tried being his friends in the past," Gilbert said. "He did nothing but insult and belittle them, and he would sometimes even resort to violence. And _then_ he would play the victim card."

"He's a psychopath," Francis said. "I shudder to think what he would do to his wife one day. He'll be one of those husbands that beat their wives over the most trivial matter."

Feliks wanted to come to Lovino's aid, but he was also afraid of becoming a new target. So, he decided to take a safer approach.

"Well, like, I'm partnered with him for the history project," Feliks said. "Like, I _have_ to spend time with him."

"Just keep in mind what we've told you," Antonio said. "We're doing this to help you."

The three of them then turned to leave, and Feliks sighed in relief. Did they _honestly_ expect that he would believe them? He _saw _them attacking Lovino. And considering the number of false rumours that existed about Lovino, he didn't find it hard to believe that anyone would want to _lie_ about him.

As a precaution, Feliks took the long way to the library. He didn't want any of them to realise where he was going. He didn't want them to learn about Lovino's hiding place. He had no intention of betraying Lovino.

He was a bit tired when he arrived at the library, and he quickly returned the book he checked out the previous day, having obtained all the necessary information, before going towards the corner he was beginning to realise was Lovino's preferred place.

Lovino was furiously making notes, and he didn't even spare Feliks a glance. Feliks sat down across from Lovino.

"Like, sorry I'm late," Feliks said. "I ran into Gilbert and his friends."

Lovino's hand stopped writing, and Feliks could see that he had tensed. Still, Lovino didn't look at him.

"What did they say?" he asked, his voice flat.

Feliks frowned.

"Like, did something happen?" he asked. "You seem… different."

"I'm fine," Lovino snapped. "What did those three assholes tell you?"

"…They tried to tell me to stay away from you," Feliks said quietly.

Lovino scoffed, but it didn't look as though he was too surprised.

"The Spanish bastard pretty much said the same thing on the bus this morning," Lovino said. "And they're right. You _should_ stay away from me, if you know what's good for you."

Feliks narrowed his eyes. He didn't usually get angry, but he was starting to get annoyed with Lovino, and his insistence on pushing him away.

"Give me one good reason why I should stay away from you," Feliks said.

Lovino bit his lip, and Feliks sighed.

"…At my old school, all of my friends decided that I totally wasn't worth it," Feliks said. "Like, they told me to my face that they didn't want to be associated with me anymore. That they, like, can't afford to become a target. They like totally left me alone for the wolves. And, like, you're telling me that I should stay away from you. _Why_?"

Lovino's jaw tensed.

"You're doing this because you _think_ I need it," Lovino said. "And because you're desperate for friends of your own. But you should have gone to my brother, because I'm the last person on the fucking planet that you want to associate with. You don't really _want_ to be my friend. You just convinced yourself that it's what _I_ need, and you're doing it to make yourself feel better. But I'm no one's emotional crutch. We have a project to do. And when we're finished, you should do the smart thing and leave me alone."

Feliks still felt angry, but it wasn't entirely directed at Lovino. It was directed at everyone who put those ideas in his head.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks to for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 9**

Lovino sighed, walking out of the school's gate. He felt bad about what he told Feliks, but he knew that it was necessary. Feliks hadn't known him long yet, so he didn't feel attached to him yet. It was best to end it as soon as possible. He knew that Feliks would end up hating him, but the sooner he pushed him away, the _less_ Feliks would end up hating him in the end. He wouldn't develop a grudge, like Antonio and Francis did.

He and Feliks had continued to work in silence, not exchanging a word for the rest of their lunch break. And Lovino knew that he was to blame. It was strange. He was used to people hating him, or being scared of him. But it never bothered him this much before.

It was bad enough that he decided that it would be better to walk. He needed to get rid of his stress, and walking for forty-five minutes would be one way to do so.

He'd only walked about two blocks when he was suddenly pulled back, dragged into an alley. He wrenched himself free, but he lost his footing, with his ankle going sideways. He yelped in pain as he fell to the ground, and the three snickered in amusement.

"Clumsy old Lovi," Gilbert said.

Lovino tried to stand, but a hiss of pain was drawn from his mouth as he was forced to conclude that his ankle was sprained.

At the worst possible time.

"Boys, let's remind Lovi where his place is," Gilbert said.

…

Feliks was waiting to be called into Dr Williams's office, and he was trying to figure out what to tell the therapist.

He knew that Lovino didn't mean what he said, but still, it _hurt_. He had to hold his tongue, though. He wasn't that good with figuring out other people, and what they might be feeling, unless it was something that Feliks had personal experience with. He knew that he needed to speak to Dr Williams before he said anything to Lovino.

He took a deep breath when he was called in, and nervously made his way towards the office. As soon as he sat down, he saw Matthew's face grow concerned.

"What happened?" Matthew asked.

Feliks bit his lip, before he shook his head.

"Like, it's Lovino," Feliks said.

"The boy you want to befriend," Matthew said, nodding his head. "What happened?"

"Like, he told me that I should stay away from him if I knew what's good for me," Feliks said. "And… He said he's no one's emotional crutch. He told me that I should have gone to his brother. That he's the last person on the planet that I would want to associate with. And that I don't really _want_ to be his friend. Also… some of the others – like, the boys I saw bullying him – told me to stay away from him, and that _I_ would be the one that's hurt. And, like, Lovino let slip that they said something to him too."

Matthew sighed, shaking his head.

"It sounds like he has a classic case of low self-esteem and self-worth," Matthew said. "As for the things he said… I think you caught him on a bad day. You remember what you were like. Some days were better, some were worse."

Feliks nodded his head.

"Like, I wanted to ask you about a few things," Feliks said. "Like, I spoke to his brother. He told me some things. Like, Lovino doesn't like it if his brother hugs him. And, like, when I found him after he tried to kill himself, he tried to push me away first, then he let me hug him, and when he was done crying he pulled away. Like, do you know what it could like mean?"

"He's afraid of reaching out," Matthew said. "He must be so unused to being comforted that it's a strange concept for him. But when he needed it and it was provided, he clung to it in desperation."

"Like, Feliciano also said that Lovino especially hates it if he's hugged from behind."

"…You said he's bullied, right? If it's physical, then it's not too hard to imagine that he was held back by one of the bullies while the others assaulted him. He's associating the hug from behind with his attacks, and it causes him to lash out."

"Like, I also heard that his mother died," Feliks said. "Almost ten years ago. And, like, it's the anniversary next week. It was a car accident, and Lovino was in the car with her. He was closer to her than the other two brothers, and he like fights with his dad the whole time."

Matthew nodded, as though he understood what it all meant.

"There's a strong possibility that he's suffering from survivor's guilt," Matthew said. "The fact that the anniversary is approaching means that Lovino would become more difficult to deal with. You just need to have patience with him. The same way your parents were patient with you when you came out of the hospital."

Feliks blushed in embarrassment. He could remember it well. How he would sometimes throw what could be considered temper tantrums. How he blamed his parents for not letting him die. The same way Lovino was probably blaming Feliks right now.

"Like, everyone's telling me that Lovino bullies everyone that tried to be his friend," Feliks said. "But I don't think it's true. The only time he's harsh with me is when he's telling me to stay away. He said that he was the last person on the planet that anyone would want anything to do with."

Matthew pursed his lips.

"In that case," he said, "I think that he feels that he doesn't deserve your friendship. Everyone's told him that he was the reason why his former friendships failed. However, without knowing his personal experiences, I can't really say for sure."

"I just wish that I could show them all how wrong they are," Feliks said.

"Unfortunately, it's never as simple as that. But know that this is a very brave thing you're doing. Someone who's suffered an emotional wound won't open their hearts easily. All you need is patience. I wonder if some of his friendships failed due to a lack of patience."

"And, like, there's something else I know isn't true about him. Like, everyone's telling me about how lazy he is, and that I shouldn't have picked him to be my history partner. But, like, he's done _way_ more than I did. Like, I'm totally worried that he'd think _I'm_ lazy."

Matthew smiled.

"Is he putting you through your paces?" he asked.

"Tak," Feliks said. "Also, he's not being bossy. Like, he took the lead, but he doesn't order me around. Like, he reads faster than me, and it like looks like he can write faster than me too. Also, he totally has a better handwriting than mine."

"It seems he's used to working alone. But if that's the case, how could anyone believe he's lazy? Unless he decided that it's not worth the effort. It's unfortunately one of the symptoms of depression: a decline in work performance."

"Oh, and, like, Feliciano told me that he's been sleeping more than usual lately."

"That's another symptom: a change in sleeping patterns. Do you know anything about his eating habits?"

"Like, I know he doesn't eat lunch. I don't know about breakfast and dinner."

"Alright… Tell me, when's the next time you're working on the project?"

"Like, we're supposed to go to his house tomorrow."

"Alright. Then I want you to pay close attention to how he is at home. I also want you to give him this."

Matthew rifled through one of his drawers for a moment, before handing a piece of paper over to Feliks. A brief glance told him that it was a questionnaire, and that it appeared to be about determining if someone was suffering from depression.

"Based on what you've told me, I've no doubt that your friend might be depressed," Matthew said. "But perhaps, when he sees something like this telling him, he might be motivated to seek out proper help. After all, no matter how much you try to be his friend, there's only so much you can do."

Feliks nodded his head. He understood very well, given that he had been in the same position. In fact, he was _still_ getting help for his own depression. He knew that it wasn't as simple as just making friends.

"Alright," Matthew said. "If there's nothing else, then why don't you tell me how _you're_ doing?"

…

Lovino was limping home, feeling as though his ankle was on fire. But that wasn't all. His torso and arms felt bruised, and he had been lucky to avoid any strikes to his face. The back of his head hadn't been so lucky. Perhaps, since he didn't have any evidence on his face, his father wouldn't assume that he had gotten into a fight.

He sighed in relief when he saw the front door, and quickly took out his key. As soon as he stepped inside, he realised that his father wasn't home. He couldn't help the small smile that spread across his face.

As he ascended to his room, he thought of taking a bath. A nice, hot bath to soak his sore body. It sounded nice. It would be relaxing, and it would help drive some of the pain away.

He quickly went to his room to grab some fresh clothes, as well as a bottle he kept hidden in his bedside cabinet. It was probably the least suspicious thing he kept there, and was something he didn't use to hurt himself. It was a bottle of bubble bath; specifically, it was formulated to help relieve sore and tense muscles. He kept it there to use for emergencies, such as this.

As he grabbed the bottle, his eyes lingered on the knife he kept there. He hesitated for a moment, before deciding that he had enough pain to distract him for now. He _did_, however, write down all of the verbal abuse he'd suffered from during the day, before heading to the bathroom.

While undressing, he couldn't help but stare at the new bruises. There was also some blood around the places where he had been struck which overlapped with one of his newer cuts. And when he saw how swollen his ankle was, he winced. He would need to treat that as soon as possible. It was starting to look a bit purple as well.

Lovino lay down in the tub, staring at the ceiling. The warm water wrapped around him, like a hug he would never receive. Like the hug he received from Feliks.

Tears stung his eyes as he once again thought about the Pole, but he knew that he needed to keep Feliks away from him. Feliks was wasting his time with trash like him. He could do better. _Should_ do better.

He also thought of Feliciano. The idiot still tried to give him hugs, no matter how often Lovino would push him away. Why did the hug from Feliks feel different than the hugs from Feliciano? Could it be because Feliks was actually _trying_ to comfort him?

And Feliciano's hugs… Lovino felt insanely nervous whenever it happened. Whenever Feliciano wrapped his arms around him, he imagined Francis, Gilbert or Antonio, holding him motionless while the other two allowed their fists to collide with his torso. And Feliciano was the only one that tried to hug him. No one else did.

As Lovino thought about his sad existence, he wondered what would happen if he decided to drown himself, then and there. Would his father or one of his brothers find him? How would they feel? His father would probably be mad at Lovino for traumatising his sons, but Lovino wouldn't be able to care. He would be free. He might be able to see his mother again, if that were possible. If it was simply a place where departed souls went, he might be able to join her. But if heaven and hell existed, then he knew that he wouldn't be joining his mother in heaven, for he would be on his way to hell. Would it be Dante's hell, or Sartre's hell? According to Dante, he would be turned into a tree, unable to utter a sound unless the harpies tore his limbs. And according to Sartre, hell was other people. In other words, it was Lovino's life.

He hoped that Dante was the one that was correct.

Lovino closed his eyes, before he sank underneath the surface. His mouth was closed, and he quickly moved to cross his arms across his chest, before he opened his mouth.

Water immediately poured down his throat, and he tried his best not to swallow. He needed to get the water into his lungs. He also gripped his arms tight, trying to stop himself from pushing upwards. Out of the water. The bath was slippery, and there was no way he would be able to breech the surface without using his hands.

His lungs started burning, and he had to fight to hold his body down. His mind and his body weren't on the same page, and he needed to make sure that his mind won.

But then, fresh air entered his lungs.

Lovino was coughing and sputtering, and it took him a few moments to realise what had happened. His eyes had been closed, so he didn't notice that he was losing consciousness. That his hands had moved to the grips on the side of the tub. And he didn't realise that he was pulling himself up until he wasn't drowning anymore.

When he realised that his body had moved on its own, he bit back a scream of frustration. His mind and heart wanted to die, but his body refused. His body was a traitor.

He was thinking about trying again, before he heard the front door open. He froze, before his eyes travelled across the room. He had caused quite a splash. If he attempted again, then the others would hear. They would try to stop him. They would be so cruel.

Lovino leaned back against the back of the tub, his heart thundering in his chest. He had failed yet again, but this time, he knew that he had been close. He should try drowning again, but he needed to do it in a way that his body wouldn't interfere.

He jumped when someone knocked on the door.

"Lovino, are you in there?" his father asked.

"Si," Lovino said. "I'm just taking a bath."

"It's early."

"Best to do it when I have the time."

"Alright. Don't take too long, and clean the tub when you're done."

Lovino waited for his father to walk away, and he sighed in relief. It was one of the few times they spoke without biting words. Without Romulus yelling at Lovino.

As he decided to do what one was actually supposed to do in a bathtub, he couldn't help but wonder if the reason why he failed was because he didn't put a lot of thought into it. He was too spontaneous. But then again, wasn't death usually spontaneous?

'Not if you _want_ to die,' Lovino thought to himself.

Perhaps he should put more thought into it. Perhaps his poor planning was the reason why he couldn't escape from the hell that was his life. Perhaps, he needed to show the universe that he was serious about death by making better plans.

Then again, when did Lovino's plans ever work?

…

Feliciano was biting the back of the pen as he stared at the equations in front of him.

"Do you need help?" Romulus asked, passing by.

"No, I'll manage," Feliciano said, smiling at his father.

"Well, at least _you_ actually try to do this. Unlike your brother."

Feliciano frowned, before turning to his father.

"Papa, why are you so hard on Lovi?" Feliciano asked.

Romulus sighed, before ruffling Feliciano's hair.

"He doesn't give me any other choice," he said. "I just want to do what's best for him, but he throws it all in my face. I just don't know where I went wrong with him. You and Cello turned out wonderful."

Feliciano frowned, instead of beaming at the praise as he normally would have. Something about what his father said bothered him, but he wasn't sure what it was. After thinking about it for a while, he decided to turn his attention back to his homework.

He always did his homework in the dining room, in the hopes that Lovino would one day decide to join him. But Lovino kept to his room. Still, Feliciano held out that hope. It was one of the only ways he could think of to spend some time with his brother.

…

Lovino tried to do his homework, but his focus was worse than usual. He tried to roll the die, but he kept rolling and rolling, trying to find a subject that he might be willing to do. Eventually, he gave up, and he limped towards the bookshelf.

He'd already read all of the books, but perhaps he could revisit one of them. His eyes skimmed over the books, most of them he knew without looking at the titles. Some he had to double check, though.

He finally settled on _The Hobbit_, and he moved back towards his bed. However, he could only read a few pages before frustration set in. He was struggling to focus. He had to repeat the same sentence three times because he forgot what he was reading.

He set the book down, tears stinging his eyes. His eyes automatically trailed to where his knife was stored. His body wasn't in as much pain as it had been earlier. And he needed something to work out his current frustrations.

**I think I failed epically with the attempted drowning scene. Lovino isn't thinking clearly, and acted on impulse.**

**Oh yeah, I've been meaning to speak about the way the school works. I know from personal experience that schools in different countries would often be different from each other, and I'm also trying to keep the country ambiguous. Lovino and Feliciano are in eleventh grade, while Marcello is in tenth. All three have been in the school for a few years. I've based this on the South African school system, which loses middle school and has primary/elementary school grade 1-7, and high school grade 8-12. To account for them being sixteen instead of seventeen in eleventh grade, I've based the school year on the northern hemisphere's, which starts around September, instead of the southern hemisphere's which starts in January/February. The month is also ambiguous, but it's before the twins' birthday. In terms of season, I'd say it's either spring or autumn.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks to Gyalx81 for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 10**

Lovino awoke, noticing that his alarm wasn't blaring. He quickly checked the time, and groaned when he saw that it was still twenty minutes before he was supposed to wake up.

His body was in pain. From his head, down to his feet. The left one – the side of the ankle that he had sprained – was particularly painful. He'd already rubbed it with the necessary creams and wrapped it in a bandage. It felt better than it had the previous day, but it was still a problem. He knew that he wouldn't be able to hide his limp, and the last thing he wanted at this point in time was to be accused of fighting.

It wasn't a fight if he was the punching bag.

He knew that he would be slow this morning, and so decided that an early start would be the only cure. He pushed himself up, wincing at the creak the mattress made when he stood.

He first decided to tend to his ankle. He carefully unwrapped the bandage, sighing in relief when he saw that the swelling had gone down, and that it wasn't purple anymore. There was a bit of a blue tint, but that was alright. He took anti-inflammatory gel and started rubbing it on the area, flinching a bit at the cold temperature.

He could hear his father downstairs, and he knew that he needed to move quietly. The only thing worse than his father coming to get him when he was oversleeping was when his father investigated when he was awake too early.

When the ankle was securely wrapped in the bandage again, he removed his shirt, tending to the cuts and the bruises. He shook his head, trying to stave off the headache. When he put ointment on everything, he paused for a moment to pop any kinks out of his back, before he tended to the wounds on his legs. By the time he was finished, the alarm went off, causing him to jump in surprise.

He quickly snuffed out the sound, before he started getting ready. Ten minutes later, he heard his father's footsteps, but they stopped not far from his room. He had to be quiet earlier, but now he tried being loud. He wasn't giving his father a reason to come to his room.

He sighed in relief when he heard the footsteps departing, and he tried to rush through the rest of his morning routine.

Just as he was about to leave his room to go down to breakfast, he remembered that Feliks would be coming to his home this afternoon. He figured that it would be best to work in his room. He quickly checked to make sure that it was clean. He couldn't see any problems, asides from the bed that needed to be made. His eyes then fell on the desk.

He knew that Feliks would have a problem with the book, and he quickly moved to place it with the previous two volumes. When he was satisfied that the books were in a safe location, he went down for breakfast.

…

The moment Feliks walked into his English Literature class, he immediately knew that something was wrong. Lovino was already there, but he was staring listlessly at the table in front of him. Feliks frowned, rushing over and sitting down next to him.

"Like, what's wrong?" Feliks asked.

Lovino flinched, before he shook his head. Feliks frowned, before he reached out to touch Lovino's arm. Before he could do it, Lovino slapped his hand away, a dark look on his face.

"Don't touch me," he said lowly.

Feliks frowned. Lovino didn't sound angry or anything. In fact, he kind of reminded him of a dog at that moment; baring his teeth, but trying to shrink away. Lovino was scared, but trying to make it clear that instead of flight, he would fight.

Feliks could also see that Lovino's eyes were bloodshot, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He couldn't sleep, it would seem. But there was something else. The moment Lovino shifted, he grimaced in pain, though he tried to hide it.

"Like, what happened?" Feliks asked, replacing his worry with a more commanding tone.

Lovino shook his head, and Feliks could hear a snicker from somewhere else in the room. He turned towards the sound of the laughter, seeing the three that had told him to stay away from Lovino were laughing together. They weren't looking in their direction, but the way Lovino shrank back beside him told Feliks everything he needed to know.

"Like, they hurt you, didn't they?" Feliks asked gently.

Lovino gave him a suspicious look, before averting his eyes.

"Did they say something?" Feliks asked.

"It's none of your business," Lovino said.

Feliks couldn't help but notice how his voice sounded hoarse.

"Like, there's something else, isn't there?" Feliks asked.

Lovino turned away, and Feliks sighed. He remembered his therapist telling him that he needed to be patient with Lovino if he wanted to be his friend, and he was trying. But Lovino didn't want him near him. Feliks never thought that something like that would be so painful.

"…Are we still fine to work on the project this afternoon?" Feliks asked.

Lovino nodded his head.

"We need to get it done," he said. "If we can get all of the citations and everything today, then I can work on writing it this weekend, and we don't have to work on it at all next week."

Feliks felt his heart drop. Lovino wanted to finish the project soon, and then they wouldn't have to work together the following week. Lovino was telling him that they would be spending less time together.

"Like, we can't already be close to finished," Feliks said.

"There isn't _that_ much," Lovino said. "And I want to get it done as soon as possible."

"Why? Why do you want to finish it so fast? We still have all of next week."

Lovino shook his head, and Feliks didn't miss the sadness in the other's eyes. Feliks understood.

"Like, you're still thinking about it, aren't you?" Feliks whispered.

Lovino shot him a look, but there was no anger. Feliks closed his eyes, biting his lip. It wasn't working.

Feliks leaned down, removing something from his bag. He slid the paper over to Lovino, who shot him a confused look.

"Like, you need to fill it in," Feliks said.

Lovino scanned the paper and handed it back to Feliks.

"I don't need it," he said. "I already know what the results would be."

Feliks pushed the paper back.

"Like, I still think you need to do it," Feliks said. "I did it too. And that was _after_… I…"

Lovino turned to look at him again, but at that moment, the teacher called the class to order. Feliks couldn't help the small smile when he noticed that Lovino put the paper in his bag.

The teacher handed out the papers that they had been working on, and Feliks couldn't help but feel nervous, even though he had arrived after the assignment had been given, and the teacher gave him an exemption. Still, he wanted to do it, though he didn't know what to write about.

He couldn't help but glance towards Lovino's paper, and was shocked to see the low score. Lovino, on the other hand, simply stared at it blankly, before putting it in his bag.

"Now, I want you to have your parents sign it and return it next week," the teacher said. "Next, we'll be moving on to…"

Feliks tuned the teacher out, too focused on Lovino. There was no missing the sorrow in the other's eyes, and Feliks once again couldn't understand why no one else noticed it.

It wasn't until the class was nearing its end that Feliks started to focus again, just in time for the teacher to give a new assignment.

"Alright, so we know what some of the great authors considered to be hell," she said. "With Dante's _Inferno_ being the most famous example. Now, I want each of you to write a speculative essay about what you believe hell to be. 200 to 300 words, please."

Feliks shuddered. It was a gloomy topic, but when he turned to Lovino again, he noticed that the other had a strange look on his face, and Feliks understood.

Lovino knew perfectly well how to describe his definition of hell.

…

At lunchtime, they were working in silence in the library once again. Feliks kept watching Lovino as he wrote, and he noticed something.

"Like, weren't you writing with your right hand yesterday?" Feliks asked.

Lovino paused in his writing, and he looked at Feliks with an eyebrow raised.

"You actually noticed something like that?" Lovino asked.

Feliks nodded his head, and Lovino squirmed a bit, feeling uncomfortable.

"…Si," Lovino said. "I can write with both hands."

Feliks widened his eyes.

"Like, that's totally cool!" he said.

Lovino scoffed, shaking his head.

"It's not like it could be useful," Lovino said. "Unless I break an arm or something."

"But, it's still totally cool!" Feliks insisted. "Like, not a lot of people can do it."

Lovino's face flushed red, and he pointedly avoided looking at Feliks. The blond realised that Lovino was embarrassed, and he wondered how long ago it had been since someone paid him a compliment.

They fell into a lull again, and Feliks was desperately looking for something to break it. He looked around, but there was nothing other than books. Remembering the look Lovino had when he described the plot of one book, Feliks had an idea.

"So, like, what's your favourite book?" Feliks asked.

Lovino stopped writing again, and he slowly looked up at Feliks, who was looking at him with an innocent expression.

"What?" Lovino asked, as though he hadn't heard the question.

"Like, what's your favourite book?" Feliks repeated.

There was silence for a long moment, and Feliks had the impression that Lovino was judging him as he stared at him. It couldn't have been a difficult question, right? Or, perhaps no one ever asked that question of him before.

"Why do you want to know?" Lovino asked at last.

"Like, is it so wrong to want to get to know you?" Feliks asked.

Lovino kept staring at him for a long time, and Feliks pouted.

"Like, it's not so bad, is it?" he asked.

"I'm still trying to figure out why the hell you'd want to know _that_," Lovino said.

"Please?"

Lovino stared for a moment longer, before he sighed, averting his eyes.

"…It's a copy of Shakespeare's complete works," he said. "I got it cheap, which is impressive, seeing as it's over a thousand pages."

Feliks's jaw dropped.

"And you like read all of that?" he asked.

Lovino nodded.

"So, like, about Shakespeare…" Feliks started. "Which one's your favourite? I like totally love _Romeo and Juliet_."

"Figures," Lovino snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, like, what's that supposed to mean?"

"That play is so overrated and overdone that it's lost all its appeal."

"But, like, if it's overdone, doesn't it just emphasise how good it is?"

"Perhaps… But a bit of moderation would be nice."

"So… Like, what's _your _favourite?"

Lovino was staring at Feliks, and eventually sighed again.

"…_A Midsummer Night's Dream_," he said.

Feliks widened his eyes. He'd heard of it, but he didn't really know it.

"Like, what is it about?" he asked.

Lovino sputtered, and he had a look that clearly said that he thought the question to be blasphemous.

"How can you not know it?!" he demanded.

"Like, I usually don't spend so much time in libraries," Feliks admitted. "But, like, I'm starting to think that I should have."

Lovino groaned, before he started to summarise the plot of the play. Feliks could see the same light return to Lovino's eyes, and he couldn't help but smile, pretending that it was because of the story, which turned out to be a comedy. Lovino looked so different now. It was hard to believe that this was the same boy that had intimidated Feliks the first day.

Eventually, Lovino came to the end, and Feliks blinked a bit in surprise.

"Wow," he said. "Like, I should read it someday. Or watch it."

"There's an adaptation or two," Lovino said, his face turning a bit pink. "Come on, we need to focus on the work."

They had barely started again when the bell rang. Lovino scowled a bit, but the two of them quickly moved to clean up the area. It was as they were leaving that Feliks noticed something new.

"Like, why are you limping?" Feliks asked.

"Sprained ankle," Lovino said quickly. Too quickly.

Feliks narrowed his eyes.

"Like, don't lie to me," he said.

"I'm not," he said.

"Then how did it get sprained?"

Lovino didn't answer, and Feliks started to get suspicious.

"Like, it was those three, wasn't it?" Feliks asked.

Lovino tensed, and Feliks knew that his suspicions were confirmed.

"Like, did they hurt you anywhere else?" Feliks asked.

"What does it matter?" Lovino asked, a note of sorrow in his voice.

"Like, you can't let them keep getting away with it."

"And asides from you, who's going to believe me? There's _nothing_ I can do, because they're the golden boys always harassed by _me_."

Feliks flinched, but he understood. If Lovino had gone to teachers, and they had dismissed him, then he wasn't likely to go to anyone else again.

The two arrived at their history class and immediately took their seats, just in time for the second bell. Feliks glanced nervously at Lovino, who looked a bit pale, and who was biting his lip. He figured that walking with a sprained ankle must have been truly painful.

There was no more time to interrogate Lovino, as class was starting. Feliks only hoped that nothing worse happened to his potential friend.

…

Lovino limped his way to Mr Adnan. Just his luck, it was a day where they had gym the last period. Well, he had an excuse, as long as the Turkish teacher believed him.

Mr Adnan saw his approach, and raised an eyebrow.

"And what is it _now_, Vargas?" Sadiq asked.

Lovino had to bite in a flinch. He knew that the teacher never referred to his brothers by their surname. It was only him.

"I can't participate today," Lovino said. "I sprained my ankle."

"Oh, really?" Sadiq sneered. "And _where_ is your doctor's note? Or a note from your father? How am I supposed to believe that you're not just trying to pull a fast one?"

Lovino sighed, before he sat down. He went through the whole process of removing his shoe, sock and bandage, before revealing the slightly blue and swollen appendage. Sadiq glanced at it for a moment before he sighed.

"Bench," he said.

Lovino nodded, grabbing his things and limping towards the bench. Once he was seated, he started reapplying the bandage, followed by the sock and shoe. By the time he was finished, the others entered, having been changing while he went through this whole exercise.

His eyes immediately found Feliks, and he felt a bit guilty for lying to the other earlier. His favourite book was not his collection of Shakespeare, but the fairy tale collection he had received from his mother. He didn't want to tell Feliks that. Firstly, it was something personal, and there was no reason for him to tell Feliks about that book. Secondly, anyone who found out about that book had teased him about it.

While Feliks might not be inclined to tease him at present, Lovino knew that it was only a matter of time before Feliks decided that Lovino wasn't worth it. That there were better people to make friends with. And he would also taunt Lovino with the book's knowledge.

Just like Antonio had done.

Lovino realised that the terrible trio were wandering over towards him, and he glared at them. They only smirked. It was the chaotic time before the class would officially start, and they wouldn't immediately be noticed.

"Lazy Lovino decided that he's too important for gym class," Gilbert sneered.

"Just leave me alone," Lovino muttered.

"And if we don't?" Francis asked. "What are you going to do?"

"Careful," Antonio said. "The teacher is right there."

Lovino looked away, trying to ignore them. They snickered, and Lovino knew that they were going to launch another attack soon.

"Looks like your new friend isn't interested in helping you out," Gilbert said, glancing backwards.

Lovino clenched his fists. He knew the real reason why Feliks wasn't doing anything to stop it, but it was still painful. And he knew that the trio was trying to show both him and Feliks that they should stay far away from each other.

They were trying to provoke him into attacking them, and Feliks, along with the rest of the class, would see. And a week ago, Lovino would have done it. But lately, he was just so tired.

They frowned, noticing that he wasn't acting as he normally would, but before they could do anything else, Mr Adnan called the class towards him. Lovino sighed in relief when they were gone.

He watched as the rest of the class continued with the exercises set out for them, and he felt the ghost of tears. He could see his brother and his friends. Everyone loved Feliciano, and hated Lovino. He should have been used to it by now. But still, it was his painful reality.

Marcello was also popular, but since he was a year younger, they might as well have been in different worlds. The people that loved Marcello generally left him alone. It was a small mercy, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

Lovino was the black sheep of the family, as everyone – extended family included – loved to remind him. And no one wanted the black sheep. They were useless for wool.

They were only good to be slaughtered.

_**A Midsummer Night's Dream**_** is probably my favourite Shakespeare play. Both my sister and I did **_**Romeo and Juliet**_** in matric (final year of high school), and we've seen so many adaptations of it that it's lost its appeal. I remember talking to my English teacher a while back (we ran into each other in a boutique), and she told me that they were doing **_**Macbeth**_** that year, which is actually the play that I wanted to do. My sister had a look of utter betrayal when I told her what the teacher told me. **

**Speaking of **_**Macbeth**_**, there was also the one assignment that we had to do which was a demonstration/dramatization, and for some bizarre reason, no one wanted to be in a group with me (I say bizarre because I was easily one of the top three achievers in English for my year – you'd think they'd want to go for an easy high score). So, I worked alone, and I decided to do **_**Macbeth**_**, Act 4 Scene 1. Yes, I played all three witches. I stopped just before Macbeth's arrival. I learned all of that in one weekend. And the teacher called one of the **_**other**_** English teachers so that I could perform it **_**again**_**. So, like I said, for some reason no one wanted to work with me on that assignment. And just to be clear that it wasn't because of my ultimate choice, I chose to go for Shakespeare **_**after**_** I was left alone without even a single person wanting to partner up with me. This was ninth grade, btw – in South Africa, especially for First Additional Language, having someone of that age **_**want**_** anything to do with Shakespeare is a rarity.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks to Quanta and MonalisaRomano17 for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 11**

When the bell rang, signifying the end of the school day, Feliks went along with the others to get changed out of his gym clothes. He looked over towards Lovino, hoping that the other remembered that his mother would be picking them up. He hoped that Lovino didn't forget their arrangement or anything.

When Feliks emerged from the locker room, a bit later than the other boys, he saw that Lovino was waiting for him outside. The Italian had been sitting on the ground, and carefully, painfully, rose to his feet.

"Like, do you need some help?" Feliks asked.

"I'm fine," Lovino said. "Come on. Your mother's probably waiting for us."

Feliks nodded his head, and he walked with Lovino to the school's entrance. He couldn't help but notice that Lovino was trying to hide his limp, and there was a particularly harsh scowl on his face, which Feliks assumed was due to the pain he was in. And Feliks also saw the expressions on the faces of the surrounding students. They were giving Lovino disgusted looks while they gave Feliks sympathetic looks. It made him feel even sorrier for Lovino.

Finding his mother's car was very simple. She was where she was every afternoon. She smiled when she saw the two of them, though her eyes strayed to Lovino. Feliks glanced towards him to see that Lovino's scowl was gone, and he had given a small smile to Felicja, but Feliks knew that his mother could see that something was wrong with Lovino, and she was worried.

The two climbed into the car, and Felicja turned a questioning look to Feliks, who only shook his head. He didn't feel that it was right to tell his mother what the problem was with Lovino with the Italian present, and he also didn't want to go into detail about the little that he knew.

The drive was silent, broken only by the times when Lovino had to explain the route, since Felicja had only driven it once and it had been two days ago. It would take some getting used to. It was also a long way away, so it wasn't the simplest thing for Felicja to remember at this time.

They finally arrived at Lovino's house, and it was clear to Feliks that it was a place they had lived in a long time. Feliks's house still had the new house vibe, while Lovino's had time to adjust to its occupants, and it was clear that they had a lot of history in this house.

"Call me when you're finished," Felicja said to Feliks. "Have fun, boys."

"Dziękę," Feliks said, waving to his mother.

Felicja's glance slid to Lovino again, who had his back to her and was on his way to the door, and Feliks knew that he would have to tell her _something_ about what was going on. Perhaps she had advice for him.

Feliks quickly caught up to Lovino, who quietly unlocked the door. Lovino opened the door and hesitated, as though he was listening for something.

"My father's home," Lovino said quietly.

Feliks wanted to ask why that was a problem, before he remembered Feliciano saying that Lovino and his father were always fighting. Feliks also wondered if it could be worse than just fighting.

Lovino led him inside, and Feliks followed after. The interior was a lot like the exterior: proof that the place was well lived-in. Lovino started walking up the stairs, and Feliks started to follow.

"Aren't you going to offer your friend something to eat or drink?" a voice asked.

Feliks jumped, before whirling around. He saw someone that clearly resembled the Italian twins, except a lot more muscular. The man had his attention fixed on Lovino, a look of disapproval on his face, before he shifted his attention to Feliks. This time, he smiled.

"I don't think I've ever seen you before," Lovino's father said.

"Um, yeah, I just moved here," Feliks said. "I'm Feliks, sir."

The man's smile widened.

"You can call me Rome, if you want," he said. "It doesn't look like Lovino's going to offer anything to you, so would you like something to drink? A snack?"

"Um, no, I'm fine, thank you," Feliks said.

Lovino looked backwards, and Feliks could see that there was a flash of something cold in the eyes of the two Italians when they locked, before Lovino continued upwards. His father sighed.

"Sorry about him," he said. "I don't know what went wrong, to be honest. If you want something, just let me know."

Feliks nodded, his mouth going dry. The fact that Lovino's father would say something like that in front of his son was a bit concerning. It made him realise that the problem wasn't just with the kids at school.

Feliks followed after Lovino, and the moment he entered Lovino's room he found himself frozen again. The room… The walls were painted a light blue, but the paint was clearly old. The carpet was also a bit on the old side, but not really worn. The desk and bed seemed normal, but it was the walls that disturbed Feliks. They lacked personal effects – no posters, no photos, no shelves… Actually, the entire room seemed to lack a personal influence from Lovino. The only exception was the bookshelf, which was stocked with books that looked as though they had been used, but taken care of.

"What?" Lovino asked, obviously noticing the look on Feliks's face.

Feliks shook his head. He didn't know how to bring up the subject. Instead, he closed the door.

"…Um, Lovino?" Feliks started. "Like, your dad… does he… hurt you or anything?"

Lovino looked at him with confusion before realisation hit, and he snorted.

"Please," he said. "My father doesn't touch me to hug me. He doesn't beat me."

"And… what about his words?" Feliks asked.

Lovino gave him an annoyed glare, and Feliks knew that he needed to drop the subject fast. He then looked around the room.

"Like, why don't you decorate this place a bit?" Feliks asked.

"I don't see what the point is," Lovino said.

It was then that Feliks saw the picture frame resting on the bedside cabinet. Lovino was busy taking things out of his bag, and so Feliks went closer. He saw that it was a photo of a boy that looked a lot like the Italian brothers being held by a woman that had a strong resemblance to the boy.

"Is this your mother?" Feliks asked.

Lovino froze, before he looked up. He hesitated for a bit before he nodded.

"Si," he said. "She… She died a week after the picture was taken. It's the last photo I have of her."

Feliks nodded his head.

"And… who's the boy with her?" he asked. "Is it Feliciano or Marcello?"

"That's _me_," Lovino said firmly.

Feliks whipped his head towards Lovino, before he turned back to the photo. The boy looked… happy. It was probably the reason why Feliks hadn't recognised the child as Lovino. They were worlds apart.

"…I don't want to talk about it," Lovino said. "Please, just let it go."

Feliks felt a pang in his heart when he heard the broken note in Lovino's voice. There was some deep-seated pain. Feliks couldn't help but wonder if Lovino considered the time this photo was taken as the last time he felt genuinely happy. Again, he couldn't help but wonder how no one else noticed this.

"Let's just start working on the project," Lovino said.

Feliks nodded his head, taking a seat on the bed. Only to yelp in surprise, quickly jumping up. Lovino stared at him for a moment.

"Oh, I forgot to mention that some of the mattress's springs broke," Lovino said.

"Like, why don't you get it replaced?!" Feliks demanded.

Lovino just shrugged.

"I'm used to it by now," he said.

"…Like, does your dad know?" Feliks asked, a bit worried.

"No. And I'm not going to bother him with something like this. It's really not an issue."

"But, like, doesn't your back hurt?"

"Like I said, I'm used to it."

Feliks wasn't so sure about it.

…

Romulus was in the kitchen, preparing snacks. Even though Feliks had said that he didn't want anything, he was still going to take them snacks. He knew that he couldn't count on Lovino to be a good host.

As he went to get something from the fridge, he replayed the scene from earlier in his mind, and he froze. He was pretty sure he'd insulted his son in front of his friend, with Lovino there. However, neither of them said anything, so maybe it was just his imagination. He shook his head, before he heard the bus arrive outside.

Feliciano was also bringing a friend to work on a project. He and Marcello were riding the bus. Now that he thought about it, why didn't Lovino tell his friend to ride the bus? Did they demand that one of Feliks's parents drop them off?

If so, he hoped that Lovino didn't embarrass him. He hoped that Lovino at least had the decency to thank whoever it was for dropping them off.

Romulus smiled when he heard Feliciano chattering as he entered. Marcello was right behind. At least he knew that Feliciano would think to ask his guest if he would like a snack, and Marcello would help himself. Romulus would just have to take them up to Lovino and _his_ guest.

Taking a tray with snacks and two glasses of drinks, Romulus made his way up to the room.

…

"So, like, do you think we should add pictures or something?" Feliks asked.

"We can, if you want," Lovino said. "It might make things a bit more interesting."

Lovino had opted to sit on the bed while Feliks sat on the desk. They were each working on the project, writing down their share of the notes. Lovino had chosen the bed due to the fact that he knew where all the delicate areas were. He knew how to sit on the bed without dropping down.

They looked up when the door opened, and Lovino frowned.

"Knock!" he shouted.

"Is that really how you speak to your father?" Romulus scolded, coming into sight.

Lovino shrank back a bit, seeing that it was his father and not one of his brothers. Romulus turned his gaze to Feliks and smiled.

"I know you said you didn't want anything, but I still fixed you guys something," Romulus said.

Feliks looked surprised, but nodded his head. He quickly went to get the tray, and Romulus flashed him another smile, before leaving. Feliks placed the tray on the desk before turning to Lovino.

"…I don't agree with the way he treats you," Feliks said.

"You're the first," Lovino said.

The two lapsed into silence as they continued with their project.

"So, like, why did he say I could call him Rome?" Feliks asked.

"His name is Romulus," Lovino said. "His parents were obsessed with Ancient Rome. In the myths, Romulus was one of the founders, along with his twin brother Remus."

"So, like, does your dad also have a twin?"

"He used to. Remus died a few days after being born."

"Oh… Sorry about that."

"Why? My dad can't remember anything like that. And it's not like we knew the guy."

"Still… So, like, how are we going to put it all together?"

"I could rewrite everything, if you want," Lovino said. "I think I have the better handwriting between the two of us."

Feliks smiled sheepishly.

"Like, thanks, Vino," Feliks said.

Lovino paused, before he looked back up at Feliks, the conversation not having been so serious that he needed to look up.

"What did you call me?" Lovino asked.

Feliks winced.

"Like, since you don't like 'Lovi', I thought 'Vino' would be a better nickname," Feliks said. "Do you hate it?"

Lovino was silent for a moment.

"You're calling me 'wine'," Lovino said.

"But do you hate it?" Feliks asked.

Lovino was silent for a moment as he processed the request.

"No," he said at last.

"Then I'm calling you Vino," Feliks said, smiling in victory.

Lovino couldn't understand why Feliks wanted to call him by a nickname, or why Feliks asked whether or not Lovino hated it. Of course, Feliks wasn't the first person to have given him a nickname, but he _was_ the first person to ask Lovino about his opinion. And Lovino could tell that Feliks's nickname for him wasn't mocking in any way. He also couldn't understand why Feliks seemed so pleased about it.

There was a timid knock, and the two looked up to see the door open again. This time, it was Marcello, who nervously poked his head in.

"Ciao, fratello," Marcello said. "Um, could I borrow your phone charger? Mine broke."

Lovino stood up, before he bent down next to the bed to grab his charger. He handed it over to Marcello, who gave a small smile.

"Grazie," Marcello said, before rushing away.

Lovino closed the door, before he sighed. He made his way back to the bed, and Feliks was looking between the door and Lovino. The Italian groaned.

"…He's afraid of me," he explained. "I don't remember what I did to make him scared of me, but… it happened."

"Have you tried talking about it?" Feliks asked.

"I already know that it won't do anything."

"You won't know unless you tried."

Lovino shook his head, and Feliks sighed.

"So, like, what are we going to do about the pictures?" Feliks asked.

"Do you have a laptop at home?" Lovino asked.

"Tak, why?"

"You can look them up and start putting them all together. I'll work on the writing. If all goes to plan, we should finalise it on Monday."

"Like, why do you want to finish it as soon as possible? I mean… We still have time."

"You sound exactly like Feliciano," Lovino sighed. "I want to make sure we have everything done. I don't want to give them another…"

Lovino stopped, biting his lip. He almost told Feliks that he didn't want to give them another reason to call him lazy, or stupid. Feliks looked at him imploringly.

"Another what?" he prompted.

"Forget it," Lovino said, shaking his head. "Let's just get this done."

It scared him how comfortable he was starting to get around Feliks. It would make the inevitable betrayal even worse. Lovino had to end it before Feliks did. But he didn't want to.

…

When it was around five o'clock, Romulus went up to Lovino's room to check on them again.

"So, Feliks, would you like to join us for dinner?" Romulus asked.

"No thanks," Feliks said, glancing towards Lovino. "I think I should call my mother to come pick me up now."

Romulus nodded his head, but he didn't miss the look that Feliks had given Lovino. He knew that he should probably scold his son later, but honestly, he was getting tired of it.

"Alright," he said. "Why don't you come down while you wait?"

"Sure," Feliks said, smiling nervously. "I think I'll do that."

Romulus turned his gaze to Lovino then.

"Go with him," he said firmly, before he closed the door.

He made his way to the living room, where Feliciano was working with his own project partner. Kiku, Romulus thought. A quiet boy from Japan. Seeing him and Feliciano together created a shocking contrast, but Romulus just thought that it was proof that Feliciano could make friends with just about anyone.

"How's the project going?" Romulus asked, ruffling Feliciano's hair.

"A bit slow," Kiku sighed.

"Ve, do you know how Lovi and Feliks are doing?" Feliciano asked.

"Not really," Romulus admitted. "It at least looked as though Lovino was working, though. So it looks like Feliks might be a good influence on him."

Kiku looked a bit uncomfortable, but Feliciano beamed happily.

"I'm glad to hear that," Feliciano said. "Ve, Feliks seems nice. Just a little shy."

Romulus blinked a bit in surprise, but before he could ask further, he heard the two teens coming down the stairs. Hearing that Feliks was shy made Romulus wonder if Lovino didn't perhaps bully him into being his partner. If that was the case, then he knew that he would have to have a little chat with his eldest son.

Lovino and Feliks entered the living room, and Lovino came to a sudden stop, his eyes focused on Kiku. The Japanese boy looked nervous, but he gave a courteous bow. Romulus frowned at his son's attitude.

"Hello, Lovino," Kiku greeted. "And Feliks, right? I don't think we've met yet. I'm Kiku."

"Hi," Feliks greeted shyly.

The two of them sat down with Feliciano and Kiku, and Romulus watched them intently. Eventually they heard a car pull up, and Feliks jumped to his feet.

"Oh, like, that's my mom," Feliks said. "Bye Vino!"

"Go with him," Romulus said darkly.

Lovino signed, before he followed after Feliks. Romulus moved closer, seeing an attractive woman hugging Feliks. She bid Lovino goodbye, before leaving with her son. Lovino turned around to face Romulus, and his eyes narrowed.

"What are you going to yell at me for _now_?" Lovino demanded.

"Don't assume that I'm going to yell at you," Romulus said.

Lovino clicked his tongue, before going up past Romulus. Romulus turned to him.

"I better not find out you bullied him into being your partner," Romulus said.

Lovino turned back to him in annoyance.

"You really don't know anything," he said lowly, before rushing up the stairs.

…

Lovino sighed as he finished writing down the day's verbal abuse. His father had been particularly harsh that day.

He rubbed his arms, before going to retrieve the knife. He rolled up both sleeves, and carefully made three cuts on his left arm. He stared at them for a moment, before he started to transfer the knife to the other hand. However, it was at that moment that the door opened.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks to MonalisaRomano17 for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 12**

Marcello was standing in the doorway of his brother's room, staring at the scene in front of him. He was trying to process what he was seeing.

Lovino had his sleeve rolled up, a knife in his hand, and he was pretty sure that he could see red lines on his brother's arm. Lovino also appeared shocked, before his face twisted in anger.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Lovino shouted. "Get out! OUT!"

Marcello quickly shut the door, and the realisation of what he'd seen hit. But it was at that moment that he heard his father's footsteps approaching, running from downstairs.

"What's going on?" Romulus demanded.

Marcello was about to answer, but then he remembered how angry Lovino had looked. And how afraid. No matter what, Marcello couldn't tell their father about what he'd seen. But he also didn't want to have Romulus angry at Lovino. Marcello scrambled for an excuse, and there was only one thing he could think of. He blushed at what he was about to say, but knew that it was necessary.

"I… I didn't knock on Lovino's door," Marcello said. "And I… Kind of caught him with his pants down."

He knew that it was the only explanation that his father would accept. Still, it was pretty awkward to say it. Hopefully, the awkwardness of his words hid the fact that he was lying to his father.

Romulus paused, blinking a few times in an effort to process his son's words. He sighed, before knocking on Lovino's door.

"Hang a sock," Romulus said, before walking away.

Marcello sighed in relief, but jumped when Lovino's door opened. A flustered Lovino was on the other side.

"Get in, now," he hissed.

Marcello nodded and quickly went in, before Lovino shut the door. The older Italian pinched the bridge of his nose before turning to his younger brother.

"What the hell possessed you to tell him _that_?" he demanded.

"I didn't want to get you in trouble, fratello," Marcello admitted.

"And painting me like a pervert or something is a good way to do that? Feliks just left. What the hell do you think Padre could be thinking now?"

Marcello understood why Lovino was mad. He winced, averting his eyes. They fell on Lovino's arms, and he remembered what he _really_ saw.

"Lovi…" he started.

"Don't call me that," Lovino snapped.

Marcello took a deep breath, trying to steel his nerves.

"Fratello…" he said. "Your arm…"

Lovino gripped his arm, glaring at Marcello.

"Why?" Marcello asked. "I thought it was only depressed people that do that."

Lovino didn't answer, and instead simply stared at Marcello. It was in that silence that Marcello got his answer.

"…How long?" Marcello asked.

"What does it matter?" Lovino asked. "You can leave now."

Marcello winced, before he reached into his jean's pocket.

"I actually came to return your charger," Marcello said. "I'm going to buy a new one tomorrow."

Lovino stared at it for a moment before he shook his head.

"Keep it," he said. "I'm not going to use my phone anytime soon."

Marcello put the cable back in his pocket, biting his lip.

"Why didn't you tell any of us that you were hurting?" Marcello asked. "We could have helped."

Lovino snorted in disbelief, and Marcello flinched a bit at the action.

"Oh really?" Lovino asked. "Because I'm pretty sure that _this_ is the longest conversation we've ever had. It's a bit hard to have a meaningful conversation with someone who wants to run away whenever he's around me."

Marcello's stomach sank when he realised that Lovino was right. He was always nervous around his eldest brother, and tried to get away. And he wondered – for the first time – how much that must have hurt Lovino.

"What about Feli and Papa?" Marcello asked.

"You think I'm going to talk about something like this to someone who's always _happy_?" Lovino asked. "He's going to suggest a way to 'make me feel better' that would only make things worse. Not to mention, Feli can't keep something to himself to save his life. And you're not deaf. You hear how Padre yells at me, even if you run away before that happens."

Marcello flinched again, and he understood. Lovino had to suffer in silence, because no one in the house would have been able to help him. Marcello tried to avoid him, Feliciano wouldn't understand how deeply his sorrow went, and their father was always so harsh with Lovino.

Lovino pursed his lips, before he turned away.

"I think we're finished here," he said. "Time for you to leave. Now."

This wasn't the first time that Marcello had been dismissed. But it was the worst. Because he realised that this was the first time that Lovino had really dismissed him.

"Fratello, just promise me that you're not thinking of killing yourself," Marcello said.

Lovino said nothing again, and Marcello experienced a new kind of fear. Lovino wasn't serious about it, was he? No. He neither confirmed nor denied Marcello's fear, and that made the fear grow.

And he realised that he knew little of why Lovino would feel the way he felt. He knew little of his brother.

…

Lovino was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. A part of him wanted to sleep, but another part was too afraid to.

His youngest brother knew what he was doing to himself. How long before his father knew? And what would happen?

He shuddered, recalling an event that happened not long after his mother's death. The words spoken to Lovino out of anger. And his father was the one to utter them.

The first words that made Lovino want to die.

He'd seen the disappointment on the man's face many times before. Imagined he'd seen after the accident, when his mother died but he survived. And the sarcastic words. He could already imagine them. How Lovino was a failure. How he couldn't fulfil his father's deepest wish. How he was selfish. How he didn't know where he went wrong with him.

Lovino's throat started to hurt as he desperately tried to hold back the tears. It wasn't fair. His brothers were loved, while he was hated. By their peers, by their teachers, by their father. Why? What did Lovino _do _to earn this hell?

He recalled the assignment for English Literature, and he stood from his bed. He knew that he wouldn't be able to write a masterpiece or something, but along the subject of hell, he should write while the thoughts were still fresh. He made his way to his desk, pulling an exam pad closer. He wrote his name, class and the date at the top, before he started writing.

_My idea of hell._

_When most people think of hell, they think of fire and brimstone. They think of being trapped in chains while demons torture them for all eternity. But that's not my idea of hell. In fact, these things would be better than my hell._

_Juan Paul Sartre said in his play 'No Exit' that hell is other people. There are a lot of grey areas in that statement, so perhaps I should clarify:_

_Hell is being told that you should be more like someone else by the exact same people who tell everyone else that they should be themselves. To have everything about your personality being hated, and to have no redeemable qualities. To have the only person that liked you die._

_Hell is being told that you were supposed to die in an accident that you had been in. To be told that your parents should have thrown you in the trash the moment you were born. To be told that you should kill yourself, or that you should die._

_Hell is having nothing that you're good at, and being stuck in a family with talented, perfect people. It's to have a disappointed look directed at you all the time, but you don't know what to do to make people proud of you._

_I don't believe hell is part of the afterlife. I believe that hell is another life, and you're stuck in a position that you want to escape, but can't. And the worst part is, you don't even remember why you're going through hell. Hell is wanting to die, but someone always stops you._

_Sartre's version of hell is the closest to true hell. No escape, and hell is other people. But it's another life, where you were dealt a cruel hand. It's my life._

Lovino debated on whether or not to add the last three words, but decided to do so. He would fail this anyway. And perhaps, if he succeeded, at least one teacher would know _why_. Not that she would care. She would probably just give it another low grade.

His eyes trailed to his bag, and he felt a cold terror creep up on him. He knew that he needed to give the paper to his father to sign. And he knew that his father would explode.

…Well, he might as well get it over with now. He learned a long time ago that delaying the inevitable with his father only ended up making things worse. He wanted nothing more than to avoid the storm that would hit, but that was the thing with storms. They could be protected against, but they could not be stopped.

He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for the storm, and made his way to his father's study. He hesitated at the door, before knocking.

"Si?" his father prompted.

Lovino knew that Romulus thought that it was one of the other two at the door. But he would be disappointed soon. He opened the door, and he could see the light disappear from his father's eyes.

Neither of them said anything as Lovino walked the short distance to his father's desk, and he held out the paper.

"I need you to sign this," Lovino muttered.

Romulus glanced at it, and Lovino knew the moment his father noticed his grade, as his face twisted in rage.

"What the hell, Lovino?!" Romulus snapped, slamming his hand on the desk and rising from his seat. "Did you even _try_?! Why do I even pay for your education if you can't bring back anything better than _this_?!"

Lovino kept his gaze trained on the desk, not looking at his father. Of course, this wasn't the first time he'd heard something like this, but every time, it was almost as though it became more painful. If his brothers did poorly – rarely happened, but occasionally happened in science, maths, or anything left-brain oriented – then Romulus would be gentle. He would ask them what was wrong, and he would comfort them. Lovino wasn't so lucky.

He listened as his father clicked his tongue in disgust, before he sat back down and signed the paper. He then gave it to Lovino.

"Don't let it happen again," Romulus said.

Lovino said nothing as he left his father's study, going back up the stairs. He knew that it would happen again, unless he managed to succeed. He just needed to plan it out this time.

As he reached the next floor, he saw Marcello standing nearby, looking at him with a sad expression. Lovino said nothing, going in the opposite direction, towards his room.

"Fratello…" Marcello said weakly.

"Don't pretend that anything's changed," Lovino hissed. "Because nothing has, and nothing will."

Lovino made his way to his room, and after making a few more cuts, he decided to go to bed.

…

_Lovino was being led out of the principal's office, his face and body a bit bruised, but he was satisfied. The other guy was in a worse state. That was what he got for picking on Lovino's fratellino. What made this especially satisfactory was the fact that he was two years older than Lovino. What was he doing, picking on a kid three years younger?_

"_I can't believe you did that," his father growled. "Did it _ever_ occur to you that this could affect the entire family?"_

_Lovino didn't care, for once. He was just glad that he could protect his younger brother from a bully._

_However, when he saw Marcello… The youngest Italian brother hid behind Feliciano. As though he was afraid of Lovino. And Feliciano just had this sad expression on his face._

_He thought he was helping his brother… But he failed. And he only ended up scaring him. Scaring him for years to come._

Lovino awoke with a start. Why did he keep having dreams of the past? Was it because he wanted to die? Or was it because he _failed _at dying twice now. Was some sort of higher power sending him these dreams to motivate him to try again, and to do it right?

Or… Was it because Marcello now knew about Lovino's secret shame? The weakness he had tried to hide. The fact that he was too weak to handle the hell he was placed in. He also lied to Feliks that he didn't know what he had done to earn Marcello's fear. But he didn't want to talk about it, and so he tried to play it off.

He tried to think back to the conversation he'd had with Marcello. It was _honestly _the longest conversation they'd had in _years_. What did Marcello think? He was pretty sure he'd seen disgust at one point. And then Marcello wanted him to _talk_ about this with Feliciano and their father?

He wasn't being mean when he said that Feliciano couldn't keep a secret to save his life. Or, more specifically, save Lovino's life. Feliciano was the reason why the terrible trio knew the meaning of Lovino's name. Feliciano was the reason why Lovino's own name could be used as a weapon against him.

_I ruin…_

Why did his parents curse him with that name? Did they know that he was doomed to be a failure? That he would be the reason for his mother's death? That he would be a constant reminder to his father of the love he had lost?

_I ruin…_

Lovino bit his lip, curling into a ball and gripping his head. He sobbed, and the tears started to fall. Why? Why wasn't _he_ the one that died that day?

A week. It was a week until the anniversary. Actually… A glance towards his alarm clock revealed that it was _less_ than a week now. Perhaps… Perhaps he should try to die on the anniversary of the day he should have.

Once his tears stopped, he felt nothing except exhaustion. At least the following day was a Saturday. He didn't have to worry about waking up early, or being yelled at for not standing up early enough by his father. He could relax a little.

But only a little. He still had a project to finish. For Feliks's sake. Just because the Pole had been an idiot to choose Lovino as his partner didn't mean that Lovino would leave him with nothing for the project. He probably owed it to Feliks to help him.

He was the first person in a long time, other than Feliciano, who wanted to be his project partner. He deserved to have _something_, after all.

He would finish the project during the weekend, and then he would remove himself from Feliks's life, before he removed himself from _life_.

…

Marcello was hurrying through his preparations the next morning. He would be going to the mall with his friends. It was currently eight-thirty, and at nine o'clock sharp, one of his friends' parents would be picking him up.

On his way to the bathroom he passed Lovino's room. He stopped, remembering everything he'd seen and heard late the previous afternoon. Lovino hadn't even joined them for dinner again. He had been asleep, or so Feliciano claimed.

Lovino was suffering from depression, but how serious was it? He wasn't… He wasn't thinking about killing himself, was he?

Marcello shuddered. He wanted to help his brother, but he had no idea what to do. And he didn't know who to ask for advice.

He continued with his preparations, and at nine o'clock sharp he heard a car pulling into the driveway. Knowing who it was, and knowing that he shouldn't keep the man waiting, he quickly bid his father goodbye before going towards the car, slipping into the backseat.

"Ciao," he greeted everyone.

There was a round of greetings among everyone. His friends Henri, Camille and Lili. And then there was Lili's father.

"Good morning Mr Zwingli," he greeted.

It was a bit strange, being the friend of the daughter of one of his teachers. And it was always strange to see the strict teacher outside of school. Vash Zwingli just nodded, before he started to drive off.

A few minutes later had them in the mall's parking lot, with Vash telling Lili to call him when she's ready for him to pick them up. But while they were getting out, Vash suddenly spoke again.

"Marcello, could I speak to you for a moment?" he asked.

Marcello froze, mostly out of confusion, but nodded his head. The others went ahead, and Vash sighed.

"Tell me, how is your brother?" Vash asked.

Marcello frowned a bit. He couldn't be speaking about…

"Do you mean Lovino, or Feliciano?" Marcello asked, just to make sure.

"Lovino," Vash said. "I noticed that there seems to be something wrong with him lately."

Marcello's eyes widened. Perhaps he had someone that he could ask for advice after all.

"Well…" he said. "Um… I walked in on Lovino… doing something yesterday."

"What was it?" Vash asked.

"He… He was cutting."

Vash sighed in frustration.

"Have you told anyone else?" he asked.

"N-no," Marcello admitted. "He won't let me go to my father, and he's… I feel so guilty. Lovino's been hurting and… I've been avoiding him. I hurt him too."

Vash took a deep breath.

"I think you need to work on gaining his trust first," Vash said. "If he doesn't trust you, then he's not going to accept your help."

Marcello nodded, understanding what the teacher was saying.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks to Carina Sicily for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 13**

The weekend passed as it normally did, with only a few minor differences. Marcello was no longer trying to get away from Lovino whenever they were near each other, but now the roles have switched. Lovino didn't want to be near Marcello. He didn't want to be asked any more questions. He didn't want to look at the eyes full of pity anymore.

When the bus arrived on Monday morning, the three brothers stepped inside, as usual. Lovino went to the first empty seat he could find at the front, as usual. And he could sense someone sitting down next to him, as usual.

However, it wasn't one of the usual seatmates.

Lovino was confused by the lack of taunting, and turned to face the one sitting next to him. Marcello gave a small smile when he turned to him. Lovino's eyes widened in confusion.

"What the…?" he asked. "Why aren't you with your friends?"

Marcello shrugged.

"I decided to sit with my fratello today," Marcello said. "Is that a crime?"

"You…" Lovino sputtered, too surprised to be angry. "You should go back to them. They're waiting."

Marcello shook his head.

"I'm sitting with _you_ today, fratello," he said firmly.

Lovino knew that Marcello was feeling sorry for him, but would Marcello _seriously_ jeopardise his reputation by hanging out with his unlikeable older brother? Then again, the entire school already _knew_ that they were brothers. But it was clear that everyone thought that Lovino was a bully towards his brothers. He… honestly didn't know whether or not that was true. He just knew that Marcello was risking something by being next to Lovino.

Lovino turned away, determined not to give Marcello any satisfaction. He didn't want to be pitied. He didn't deserve it, and besides, it was too late for any of them to pretend that they were a family, even if they _were_ related by blood.

"Marcello, you shouldn't let Lovi bully you into sitting next to him," a familiar voice said.

Lovino tensed when he heard Francis's voice. He knew that Francis's younger sister was friends with Marcello. Suddenly, he was worried by just how much the Frenchman had corrupted his younger brother.

"And then he's being so rude too," Antonio's voice chimed in.

"Lovino didn't force me to sit next to him," Marcello said. "_I _wanted to."

"Really?" Gilbert's voice added. "And then he's still rude. Hey, how can you be so unawesome to leave your brother like that? I know that _I_ wouldn't act like that if _my_ awesome little brother came to sit next to me."

Lovino clenched his fist. He knew that they would convince Marcello that he wasn't worth his time, and he would go sit with his friends. And they would take Marcello's place. And he would be tormented. He already knew that the whole bus was looking. They weren't speaking quietly. And everyone saw further proof that Lovino was a bad big brother.

But Marcello remained firm in his decision, and when the driver barked at the trio to take their seats, the crisis was completely averted.

Almost.

"Lovino, why do you allow Francis to call you 'Lovi' but we can't?" Marcello asked.

Lovino gritted his teeth.

"I don't _let_ them," he said. "And they're the reasons why I don't like _you_ calling me it."

Marcello was silent, and Lovino closed his eyes. He said more than he should have again. But could anyone blame him? He wasn't used to anyone being interested in him for a good reason.

…

Marcello was sitting in homeroom, silently mulling over the things that had happened that morning. He had to admit that he didn't like the way those three had spoken to his brother. There was just something about it that made him feel protective of Lovino.

And that statement about Lovino 'forcing' Marcello to sit next to him made him want to raise his hackles. There was just something _wrong_ there.

He'd spoken to Francis a few times – being friends with the elder boy's sister made it inevitable – but he'd never felt dislike towards the blond before. And he couldn't quite understand what the cause of the feeling was.

He also couldn't help but think about the trio and Lovino. Now that he thought about it, almost all of Lovino's fights that he had witnessed seemed to involve those three.

Then there was Lovino's statement about them being the reason why they couldn't call Lovino 'Lovi'.

His instincts were screaming at him, but he couldn't figure out what they were trying to say.

…

Feliks was sitting in class, copying the notes on the blackboard. He was also sharing this class with Lovino, but he wasn't sitting next to the Italian because they hadn't met yet when Feliks first had this class. So, he was sitting next to Elizaveta, with two of her other friends sitting in front of them.

"Hey, Feliks," Elizaveta whispered, prompting Feliks to turn to her. "How's that history project going? Lovino's not dumping everything on you, is he?"

He could hear one of Elizaveta's friends scoff, and decided to ignore her.

"Like, we're almost finished," Feliks said.

"What?" Elizaveta asked, her jaw dropping. "How did you get Lazy Lovino to actually do the work?"

Feliks felt a bit annoyed again.

"Oh, it's simple," he said. "I asked him to be my partner."

The other two girls turned around to face him.

"You're not serious?" the platinum blonde asked. "You _actually_ managed to get him to work?"

"That's amazing," the dark blonde said. "I've been paired up with him too, and let me tell you… It's hell."

Feliks narrowed his eyes.

"Like, you have no idea what you're talking about," he muttered, turning back to his work.

The three girls were silent for a moment, but Feliks could still feel their eyes trained on him.

"Feliks, be honest," Elizaveta said. "Is Lovino bullying you?"

"Like, _no_," he hissed. "He's also the only one not trying to manipulate me, so why don't you leave me alone now?"

He wondered if it was too late to request a different seat. Because honestly, the number of people trying to discourage him from pursuing a friendship with Lovino was getting higher and higher.

…

Marcello stepped out of class, looking around. He gave a small smile when he saw Lovino stepping out from a classroom, and he started following after his brother. He'd told his friends that he was worried about his brother, so they wouldn't be bothering him. He just neglected to tell them _which_ brother he was concerned about.

He could see that new boy – Feliks – hanging around Lovino, which he felt was a good thing. Lovino needed a friend, and he was confused why none of Lovino's previous friendships lasted. Didn't he used to be friends with Antonio? Or Francis?

Marcello moved closer, in the hopes of listening to their conversation. He breathed a sigh of relief when he was finally able to hear them.

"So, like, my mom asked me to invite you for dinner this Friday," Feliks said. "Like, do you think your dad would mind?"

Of course their father wouldn't, but Lovino didn't say anything. At all. Feliks frowned in confusion.

"Like, what's wrong?" Feliks asked.

Lovino was silent for a moment, or he spoke so low that Marcello couldn't hear him. He moved a little bit closer, almost being right behind his brother.

"…The project is almost finished," Lovino said. "And you've only been here for a week. If you want to save any reputation you might build, I suggest you do it now, before it's too late."

Marcello's eyes widened, and Feliks's narrowed.

"Like, I do _not_ care about reputation," he hissed. "Like, I _want_ to be _your_ friend. And no matter what you say, you _are_ worth it."

Marcello felt as though he was slapped in the face, and the words weren't even directed at him. Lovino felt he wasn't _worth_ friendship? How could Lovino even _think_ that? Was it because his previous friendships failed?

The two older boys had to separate after a while, and Marcello figured that they had different classes. He continued to follow his brother, but then something else occurred.

Francis, Antonio and Gilbert approached Lovino.

He remembered the encounter on the bus, and his instincts screamed at him that something bad was about to happen. He subconsciously started to tense when he saw Gilbert overtake Lovino, before turning around. Lovino came to a sudden stop, and Francis and Antonio grabbed his arms.

"Hey there, Lovi," Gilbert sneered. "You know, you're seriously pathetic. You keep getting innocent kids involved in your shit."

"You're a coward," Antonio spat. "Hiding behind poor Feliks and Marcello."

Marcello waited for the biting remark that was a trademark of Lovino's, but it never came. His brother was tensed, but he didn't say anything. Gilbert clicked his tongue in disgust.

Before punching Lovino in the face.

Marcello gasped, and he looked around. There were a few kids that stopped to look, but others were more focused on getting to class. No one was making an effort to stop any of this.

"You think you're so awesome, don't you?" Gilbert sneered. "Say something!"

Lovino did nothing. He didn't shake his head, and he didn't nod. This wasn't the first fight that Marcello had seen that Lovino was involved in, but… Well, this one was completely different. He'd seen Lovino argue back. He'd seen him…

He'd seen him defending himself.

Marcello shuddered. This was entirely unprovoked, and…

"That's enough!"

Marcello jumped when he heard that voice. He turned to see Mr Kohler, one of the science teachers, approaching them. He turned a glare on everyone.

"Get to class, _now_," he shouted.

Almost all of the spectators scrambled away. Marcello remained, however, and he saw as Francis and Antonio released his brother and started to move away.

"You four," Mr Kohler said, "I expect to see all of you this afternoon for detention."

"What?" Antonio asked. "But sir, we didn't…"

"I don't want to hear _anything_ from you! All four of you will be sitting for detention, and that's final."

He turned away, indicating that it _was_ final. He started walking, and Francis shoved Lovino against the wall.

"Look what you did," Francis said. "Thanks to you, _we_ have detention."

"It's fine," Antonio said, smiling coldly. "We'll continue this discussion this afternoon. Until later, Lovi."

They smirked nastily, before heading to class. Almost everyone was gone now. Lovino remained standing there for a while longer, his fists clenched.

"Fratello…" Marcello called out.

Lovino's head snapped in his direction, and Marcello could see that the older was trying to blink back tears. The angry expression on his face did little to hide his pain.

"How long have you been here?" Lovino asked. "How much did you see?"

Marcello didn't immediately answer, too focused on Lovino's cheek. He could see it turning red, with a hint of purple. It was going to bruise. And Lovino wouldn't be able to hide it from anyone.

"I saw everything," Marcello whispered. "I could… I could go to Mr Kohler and…"

Lovino shook his head.

"It's not going to do anything," he said. "Get to class, before you get into trouble."

"But… Lovino, you did _nothing_ wrong!" Marcello pleaded.

"I did _something_ wrong. Maybe not in this life, but I did _something_ wrong."

Lovino started to walk away, and that was when Marcello noticed that his brother was walking with a limp. He wanted to ask him about it, but he couldn't find the words.

Marcello noticed that Lovino wasn't on his way to class.

He bit his lip, before rushing off to find Mr Kohler. He had to explain. Lovino was the victim here! He was…

He was bullied.

The realisation slammed into Marcello like a lion pouncing on a zebra. That explained the uneasy feeling he'd had all day. Lovino was being bullied. But for how long? And why was Marcello only realising it _now_?

Feeling disgusted with himself, Marcello rushed to catch up to Mr Kohler. He needed to explain the situation. He needed to try to make this right. Lovino didn't deserve that detention at all. He did literally _nothing_!

He finally saw the familiar spiky hair, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Mr Kohler!" he called out.

The teacher turned around and waited for him, and Marcello took a moment to catch his breath before he started explaining.

"Lovino shouldn't have that detention," Marcello said. "He didn't do anything. It was those other three…"

"I have eyes, Marcello," Mr Kohler said. "I know you want to protect your brother, but he was caught up in a fight. I have to punish him for that. He needs to learn that he can't act like that."

Marcello shook his head.

"No," he said. "Lovino didn't…"

Mr Kohler placed his hand on Marcello's shoulder, and he stilled.

"Look, I know that you want to believe the best of your family members," the Dane said, "but Lovino's always been a problem child. And you shouldn't let him be a bad influence on you. Now, get to class."

Marcello was left staring as the teacher walked away.

_It's not going to do anything._

Mr Kohler wasn't even willing to listen. He said that he had eyes – that he had witnessed everything. But he _didn't_ witness everything. He didn't witness _anything. _He only assumed that Lovino was fighting, but… Lovino didn't do _anything_.

He didn't even defend himself.

Marcello recalled what he'd said to his brother, after finding out that he was hurting himself. That Lovino should promise that he wasn't planning on killing himself. Lovino said nothing. It couldn't be…

Tears dripped down Marcello's face, and he hastily wiped them off. He was to blame. He knew he was. He didn't notice that his brother was in pain, and had avoided him. Made it worse.

Marcello rushed off to find the one teacher that might have been willing to help. By now, he was late for class, but he couldn't find it within himself to care. His brother needed his help, and for the first time in his life, Marcello was going to provide it.

He stopped in front of Mr Zwingli's class, before he knocked. He opened the door, only barely, and immediately focused his gaze on the teacher.

"Sir, could I have a word with you?" he asked.

He knew that under normal circumstances he would have been chased away, but the Swiss teacher seemed to realise that something was wrong. It might have had something to do with their conversation on Saturday. Mr Zwingli nodded his head and exited the class.

"I'm right here," he told his students. "So there is no need for you to go back in time to a primitive civilisation."

Marcello waited impatiently for the teacher to close the door.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently. "Why aren't you in class?"

"Lovino has detention," Marcello said. "But he didn't do _anything_ wrong. At all. He didn't even _say_ anything. He just… They're bullying him, Mr Zwingli."

Vash Zwingli sighed, closing his eyes.

"I was afraid of that," he said. "You said he has detention?"

"Si," Marcello said. "With those three. Gilbert, Antonio and Francis."

"Who's the one that assigned the detention?"

"Mr Kohler."

"Alright… I don't know if I would be able to convince Mr Kohler to release Lovino from his detention, but I could ask that he sits detention with _me_. That would at least keep him away from those other three, and I can drop him off afterwards."

Marcello nodded, smiling in relief. While it didn't change the fact that Lovino still had to sit detention for something that he didn't do, he at least wouldn't be with _those_ three. And he would get a lift out of it.

"I'll sign a note for you," Mr Zwingli said, "and then I want you to get to class."

Marcello had never been late to class in his life, and so he thanked the teacher for his generosity.

…

"Like, that's so unfair!" Feliks exclaimed.

Feliks had heard about the 'fight' that Lovino had been a part of, and tried to wheedle more information out of Lovino. He wanted to do it in gym class, but Lovino had kept himself distant from everyone. He'd used his sprained ankle as an excuse.

They were now in the library for lunch break, finishing up their project.

"That's how things normally are," Lovino said. "At least for me. Still, at least those three bastards didn't get away with it this time."

"Still…" Feliks said. "Like, didn't you try to explain what happened?"

"It wouldn't have made a difference at all."

Feliks scowled.

"Like, I'm starting to think that my parents enrolled me in the wrong school," he said.

"And how does everyone treat _you_?" Lovino asked.

"Well… Like, they keep telling me to stay away from you, but other than that…"

"Listen to them. They're right."

Feliks narrowed his eyes.

"Why do you _insist _on everyone seeing you as the bad guy?" Feliks demanded. "Like, you're totally not. You're their _victim_! And everyone else in this school is too stupid to see that! Like, how couldn't they see the things I see?"

"And what _do_ you see?" Lovino asked.

Feliks pursed his lips.

"Like, I see a guy who's been hurt for years," Feliks said. "I see a guy that enjoys reading. A guy that can read _super_ fast. A guy who can write with both hands – which is totally cool. A guy who loved his mother, and whose heart was broken when she died. A guy whose heart is still breaking every day. Like, I see someone who doesn't realise how valuable his life is, and wants to end it. And I can see someone I can call a friend."

Lovino shook his head.

"That person doesn't exist," he said. "My life isn't valuable, and I can't be called a friend."

**Elizaveta's two friends are Belarus and Belgium, in case you're wondering.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks to apurehetalian, schwalzy, Gyalx81 and Carina Sicily for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 14**

Feliks sighed when he climbed in the front seat of his mother's car.

"Rough day?" she asked.

"…Like, how do you convince someone that their life isn't worthless?" Feliks asked.

He had been the one who had to be convinced, and he had no idea how difficult it was. He really needed to remember to buy his parents a gift for their troubles.

"…Are you talking about yourself, or Lovino?" Felicja asked.

Feliks had given his parents a rough idea of what the situation with Lovino was like. He didn't go into too much detail, but he did stress the point that Lovino was suicidal.

"Lovino," Feliks sighed.

"…I'm not sure," Felicja admitted. "I guess… Show him that you value his company. Did you remember to invite him?"

"He said he'll think about it," Feliks said.

Felicja pursed her lips.

"We're out of tea at work, so I'm going to stop by the store on my way back," she said. "Do you want something? Something that would last a few hours?"

Feliks shook his head. In all honesty, he just wanted to find a way to help his potential friend.

…

After school, Lovino made his way to Mr Kohler's class. As the one that assigned the detention, he would be the one that decided where he would go. Most likely, Mr Kohler would be the one to keep an eye on them.

His detentions usually consisted of cleaning the chemistry lab, a job that Lovino particularly hated. It was even worse because those three would be there. And he knew that they would find a way to retaliate afterwards.

He tensed when he saw them approaching from the opposite direction, their faces displaying that he was right in his suspicion, and that he could expect retaliation. However, the moment he stepped foot in the class, the unexpected happened.

What was Mr Zwingli doing there?

The moment they saw him, the two teachers nodded to each other, and Vash approached him.

"Come on, Vargas," the economics teacher said. "You'll be spending your detention with me."

Lovino looked towards the trio, who looked incredulously at them. Realising that he was the only one that would be joining the Swiss teacher, he immediately turned around and started following him. After a few classrooms Mr Zwingli stopped, turning to him.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Lovino just blinked in confusion. The teacher notorious for being aloof was asking him if he was alright?

"Why do you ask that?" he asked.

"Your steps are uneven, and I can see you placing more weight on your right leg than your left," the teacher explained.

Lovino tried to shift his weight to bring equal weight, but hissed in pain, shifting again to the right.

"It's just a sprain," Lovino said.

"Has anyone looked at it?" he asked.

Lovino shook his head. The teacher sighed.

"…I have some first-aid training," he said. "I could take a look at it in my class, if you'd like," he said.

Lovino frowned.

"Why?" he asked.

Vash shrugged, before he started walking again. Lovino noticed that he was moving slower, and he realised that it was to accommodate him. Still, why would this teacher suddenly be so nice to him? Especially since he was one of the strictest teachers in the school.

Lovino then had two revelations: the first was that Vash had seen the encounter with the trio from the week before. The one which his father hadn't heard of. The one after which Vash had asked him for his version of the story. The second revelation was that Marcello was friends with Mr Zwingli's daughter. And considering how persistent his youngest brother was being, it wasn't too hard to imagine that he would go to this teacher for help.

This was… this was too much. Lovino wasn't used to so many people being worried about him. No… It wasn't worry. Feliks had witnessed Lovino trying to kill himself. Mr Zwingli had seen Lovino being hurt by other students. And Marcello had walked in on Lovino harming himself. They weren't worried about _him_. They were doing what everyone was led to believe decent human beings were supposed to do when they saw something like this.

It wasn't because they were worried about him, or that they cared about him. It was because they were convinced that it was what they _had_ to do. They would have done it with anyone else.

…They were on the nicer spectrum, but there were still many others that would have egged Lovino on to continue harming himself. That would have laughed. That would have…

"What's bothering you?" Mr Zwingli asked, pulling him from his thoughts.

Lovino shook his head. Seriously, since when did this teacher express concern over _any_ of the students, with the exception of his daughter?

"Nothing," he said.

He realised that they had arrived at the economics classroom, and that he had been so deep in his thoughts that he hadn't realised they arrived. He averted his eyes to hide his embarrassment, before entering the classroom.

"First, let me take a look at that foot of yours," Mr Zwingli said.

Lovino shook his head, but the teacher only stared at him firmly, his eyes narrowing slightly. Lovino sighed in defeat, before sitting down on one of the desks, as Mr Zwingli indicated he should do.

He bit his lip as the teacher delicately removed his shoe, sock and bandage, before examining the foot.

"When did this happen?" Mr Zwingli asked.

"Thursday," Lovino said.

"Have you put any ointment on it?"

"Si. Anti-inflammatory creams, muscle relief…"

"A cold compress?"

"No."

"…There's a lot of bruising and swelling. Have you been taking it easy?"

Lovino was silent, and the teacher looked up.

"I sprained it on my way home from school," Lovino said. "I had to walk on it for at least half an hour."

"Why didn't you call your father to pick you up?" Mr Zwingli asked.

"Because he wouldn't have."

He didn't mean to say it, but it was the truth. His father wouldn't have gone to pick him up. He'd said before that if Lovino wasn't in the bus, then he wouldn't go to fetch him.

Mr Zwingli wrapped the bandage around his foot again, before he sighed.

"I'll take you home when your detention is over," he said.

"But…" Lovino started.

"No. You need to stay off that foot as much as possible. I'm amazed by your endurance, to be honest. From the looks of things, you would need to walk on crutches."

"No. No crutches. I can't…"

His mind flashed back to when he was younger. His leg had been broken when Francis pushed him down the stairs. He was around eight years old. He had been unable to defend himself while he had the crutches. And they had made things insanely difficult for him.

He didn't want to repeat that time.

"Alright then," Vash sighed. "Anyway, take your seat."

Lovino got off of the table and sat down on the chair. He frowned in confusion when Mr Zwingli placed a copy of _War and Peace_ in front of him.

"Your detention is to read that for the next hour," Mr Zwingli said, sitting down at his desk.

Lovino was a bit confused. Never before had he been instructed to read a novel during detention. However, once the confusion abated, he had to hold in his smirk. He'd actually already read _War and Peace_ – it was one of the titles on his bookshelf at home. And he could think of worse punishments for detention.

So he opened the book to the first page, and started reading.

…

Romulus sighed as he placed a bottle of aspirin in the basket. He'd noticed that their supply had been running low – most likely due to Lovino – and knew that he needed to buy another bottle soon. And since he was already going for groceries, he figured that it was a good time to do it.

As he entered the aisle for the coffees, he saw a woman next to the boxes of tea, browsing. That would have been the end of it, but he couldn't help but think that she looked familiar. Green eyes, blond hair…

His eyes widened as it clicked.

"Excuse me," he said as he approached her. "By any chance, are you Feliks's mother?"

She blinked at him in confusion, before her eyes widened in realisation.

"You're Lovino's father, aren't you?" she asked.

Romulus nodded, mentally preparing to apologise for his son. She smiled.

"Lovino's such a sweet boy," she said. "So considerate."

…He wasn't expecting her to say _that_.

"Huh?" he questioned.

She shrugged.

"The other day, when he was working on their project at our place, he actually said he'd _walk_ home, so as not to bother me," she said. "And it's such a long way too. But I insisted on driving him back."

"Oh… Thank you," he said.

Did someone just call Lovino 'sweet' and 'considerate'?

She checked her watch, before wincing.

"I actually have to go back to work now," she said, grabbing two boxes of tea. "I hope we can chat again soon. And… Mr Vargas?"

He looked towards her, surprised by the formal way in which she spoke.

"Don't be too hard on Lovino," she said. "From what my son told me, he's having a hard time at school. He just needs to know you're on his side."

He widened his eyes. Did she know something that he didn't?

The school had called him earlier, informing him of the fight Lovino had been a part of, as well as the detention he had received. He was preparing to lecture his son – again – but this woman's words made him pause.

What exactly did she mean?

She was already gone before he could ask for further clarification.

…

"Vargas," Mr Zwingli called.

Lovino jumped in surprise, wrapped up in the story. Mr Zwingli glanced towards the book, but said nothing.

"Detention's over," he said. "You can give the book back to me, and I'll be sure to return it to the library. You wait here."

Lovino handed over the book, but he was confused about the order to wait there. Only when the teacher left the room did he remember that Mr Zwingli told him that he would drop him off.

Feeling uncomfortable, Lovino stood, and only a few steps later did he stop, leaning against the nearest desk. He'd stepped a bit less-than-delicately, and after sitting still for an hour, his sprained ankle wasn't happy about the sudden movement. Especially at the speed in which he was trying to escape.

He weighed his options, trying to determine if it would really be so bad to be dropped off by a teacher. Well, as long as Mr Zwingli had no desire to speak to his father…

He sat down on the nearest desk and started massaging his injured ankle. He could tell that the swelling was getting worse.

He knew that he should have taken better care of his ankle, and had even postponed a shopping trip that he had planned. He wanted to go to the bookstore, and he wanted to get some more ointment and bandages, but he decided against it. Especially when he realised that he wouldn't have had time to properly enjoy his new book.

Only a few more days…

He was still massaging his swollen ankle when Mr Zwingli returned. The teacher said nothing, but it was clear to Lovino that he _wanted_ to say something. Not in the mood to listen to anything right now, he grabbed his bag.

"When are we leaving?" he asked.

Mr Zwingli grabbed his things, before gesturing to Lovino to follow him. Lovino did so. Painfully. He was glad that Mr Zwingli was minding his speed, but he still didn't believe that the teacher's worry for him was sincere.

The ride to his house was silent, and Lovino was preparing himself for the scolding he would receive. Was his father going to ground him again? It wouldn't matter.

As soon as Mr Zwingli pulled into the driveway, Lovino said his first words to the teacher since they left the school.

"Thank you for the ride back," he said gently, avoiding the teacher's eyes.

Mr Zwingli turned to him in surprise, but Lovino quickly grabbed his bag and opened the door.

"Non sei solo," Mr Zwingli said.

Lovino froze, before turning back to the teacher.

"What?" he asked.

"I can speak Italian too," Mr Zwingli sighed. "If you have any trouble, just… come to me, alright?"

Lovino blinked a few times, but didn't say anything else. He climbed out of the car and started limping to the front door.

_You are not alone._

'Since when?' Lovino wondered.

Ever since his mother died, Lovino was alone. He was forced to deal with _everything_ alone. And it wasn't due to a lack of trying to find someone to help him. But his brothers couldn't help him – one was afraid of him, and the other couldn't understand what he tried to tell him – and his father didn't believe him. Neither did the teachers, and the students all hated him. There were those that had tried to get close to him, but… Some of them only got close to him in order to get close to his brother. And some had grown disgusted with him. And some…

Some had only gotten close to him in order to hurt him.

Now…

There was a new student who had seen Lovino at his most vulnerable, and who tried to intrude in his life after escaping the hell that Lovino was still going through. An idiot who was too stupid to realise that if he didn't step away from Lovino, he would only be dragged through the same hell again. And he would still end up hating Lovino for leading him back to perdition. His brother – the same one who had been afraid of him – who suddenly decided to get close to him. Who _for the first time_ knew the hell that Lovino was going through, and was foolishly under the impression that _he _could drag him out. And now the teacher who made it a point to stay out of students' business offered himself up as a pillar of support?

This wasn't right. None of it was genuine. Why did he have to go for _ten years_ without anyone by his side, and when he finally gained the courage to end his life, they were trying to interfere?

…Of course, it was the universe's way of telling him that he wasn't allowed to be happy. Nothing would ever change. He wasn't even allowed to escape his suffering through death.

Lovino reached the front door, and taking a deep breath, he opened it.

…There was silence on the other side. He wondered if his father was there. He cautiously took a few steps inside, before closing the door.

As if on cue, he could hear the familiar footsteps, and he winced.

"You got into a fight, and got detention," his father said, his voice cold. "_Again_. Who dropped you off?"

"Mr Zwingli," he said. "He offered."

Romulus sighed.

"I need to remember to thank him," he said. "And apologise for the trouble."

Lovino had to hold in a flinch. If someone else drove Feliciano or Marcello somewhere, then it was just a 'thank you'. No 'sorry for the trouble'. Lovino was the only one he should apologise for.

He expected more screaming, and he expected more harsh words. Instead, what his father told him next surprised him.

"I met Feliks's mother in the store," Romulus said. "She called you 'sweet' and 'considerate'."

Lovino's jaw dropped, and he rounded on his father. Romulus had a blank expression on his face.

"Why is she the only one that's ever said that about you?" Romulus asked. "Why can't you be like that for everyone else?"

Lovino flinched. He should have expected his father to say something like that. But he knew the reasons. She didn't spend enough time with him, and she was nice to him.

Romulus stared at Lovino for a moment before he sighed.

"If you still have homework to do, do it now," he said, before walking away.

Lovino stared after his father in mild shock. He was surprised that he didn't get more of a scolding, but he supposed that Felicja's words had surprised Romulus just as much as Lovino. He was too shocked to say anything more.

Lovino started to climb the stairs, and once he reached the top, he saw that Marcello was waiting for him.

"I tried to explain that you were innocent," Marcello said weakly. "Papa wouldn't listen."

"He never does," Lovino said, walking past his brother. "It would be better if you stop wasting your time. Nothing has ever changed, and nothing will."

…

Marcello entered his room, closing the door behind him. He remembered the conversation he'd had with his father when he returned from school. He tried to explain that Lovino didn't do anything wrong, but his father dismissed him, saying that it was nice that he was trying to protect his brother, but Lovino had to learn to stop being the way he was.

It was the way he said it that made Marcello stop pursuing his argument. It was as though Romulus didn't care to even _listen_ about what was going through his eldest son's mind. He wouldn't even listen to his youngest son's explanation about what was actually _happening_.

Marcello had always hoped to one day be the type of man his father was. A strong, caring figure. In his mind, he could see a marble statue. But the marble was crumbling. Marcello didn't think he wanted to be like his father anymore.

How could he have been so _blind_?

And Lovino… What exactly did he mean when he said that Marcello had to stop wasting his time? Did he think… that _he_ was a waste of time?

_Nothing has ever changed, and nothing will._


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks to apurehetalian for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 15**

Lovino groaned as the alarm went off. He was still too tired, and his right cheek, where Gilbert had punched him the previous day, was tender. He'd already checked before going to bed, and there was a nasty bruise forming, along with swelling. His head also hurt.

He sat up, before looking towards the desk. He'd only spent an hour on his homework the previous day, and he knew that he would get into trouble for that. Or not. The teachers no longer cared, and came to expect it. Every now and again he would get scolded, but he knew they were starting to give up on him.

Well, it wouldn't matter for much longer anyway.

Lovino stood up, and immediately had to grab onto something for support. He was extremely dizzy, and he took a moment to shake off the dizziness before he started to stumble towards the dresser.

He had once again gone to bed early the previous day, and the last time he had eaten had been during breakfast. He wondered if that could be the reason. But it was strange. It wasn't the first time he had gone to bed without eating dinner, with breakfast being the only thing he'd eaten throughout an entire day.

It was slow work, but he was already dressed by the time his father stormed up. That was when he realised that he hadn't turned off the alarm, and he quickly moved to do so.

Before having to wait as another bout of dizziness assaulted him.

He was in that position when his father finally arrived, and he quickly straightened himself.

"Glad to see you're at least dressed," Romulus said.

Romulus left like that, and Lovino relaxed. He did his final check, before going down for breakfast. Once again, he didn't eat very much, not having the appetite for food. When that was done, he went to brush his teeth.

He lingered for a moment afterwards, checking the medicine cabinet. Assuring himself of the contents, he grabbed the bottle of aspirin and swallowed two. He was in pain, and needed a quick remedy. When that was done, he waited for the bus, hoping that the thing would never come.

…

Antonio looked towards Lovino's seat, an annoyed frown on his face. Marcello was once again sitting next to him. He felt disgusted that Lovino would use his brother like that. After all, everyone knew that Lovino didn't like having his brothers near him.

He smiled when Gilbert sat down next to him, Francis on the other side.

"So, check out my awesome boots," Gilbert said. "I was waiting for a special occasion."

Antonio looked at the heavy boots, and he had to admit that they looked cool.

"So, what's so special of this occasion?" Francis asked, also looking at the boots.

"Punishment," Gilbert said simply.

"Could you be more specific, amigo?" Antonio asked.

"Lovi made us clean the science lab yesterday. He needs to be punished."

"Ah, so it's for Lovino," Francis said, nodding. "Why didn't you just say so?"

Antonio looked over towards the Italian and frowned. Lovino was still ignoring his younger brother. Marcello had friends, but now he was forced to sit next to his ungrateful brother that couldn't even _look_ at him.

It was typical of Lovino. He manipulated those that tried to care for him. He pushed their friendship away, and then complained about being lonely. It was disgusting.

"What exactly did you have in mind?" Antonio asked.

…

"Like, are you okay?" Feliks asked.

Lovino shrugged, but he didn't answer. He could see that Feliks was eyeing the bruise on his cheek. _Everyone_ was eyeing it. And whispering about it. And smirking about it.

But what did he care about what they thought? Lovino knew the truth. And he was the only one that would acknowledge it as truth.

Well, it would seem that Marcello was insisting on getting 'justice', but since when was that something for Lovino? It's been going on for ten years. Longer, actually. And that Friday marked the anniversary of when his life officially became hell.

That reminded him…

He still hadn't handed in his paper. Sure, it was still early, but he wanted to finish everything he still had to do as soon as possible. He supposed that he wanted someone to understand. And he needed to have an explanation ready in case there was someone that _wanted_ him to live.

Like Feliks.

It was still early, and Lovino knew that Feliks would change his mind eventually. They all did. That was why Lovino wanted to nip whatever relationship they might have had in the bud. He'd hurt too many people. Feliks was the first person in a long time to express concern for him, but he deserved better.

He also didn't want Feliks to eventually come to hate him, like the others. Lovino wasn't destined to have any companions. He wasn't destined for compassion. He should have died in that accident, instead of his mother. She at least had people that cared when she died. Lovino…

He knew that there would be a celebration.

His eyes widened when he felt his shoulder twitch. It was a small twitch, but it was there. He needed to find a way to relax, soon. Trembling was one thing, but twitching…

Lovino tuned out the teacher to focus on something else. A story he'd read once, but with his own twists. Something that _he_ would have preferred to happen instead. He focused on that story, and even when the teacher handed out a poem for them to discuss, he kept his focus purely on what was going on inside his mind.

He snapped out of his self-induced trance when the bell rang, and like the others, he quickly packed up. But he also took something out. The assignment. When everyone was scrambling for the exit, he made his way to the teacher.

"What is it now, Vargas?" she asked tiredly.

"I'm handing in my assignment early," Lovino said, placing it on the desk. "My idea of hell."

She glanced at it and sighed.

"Why are you handing it in _early_?" she asked.

"What's done is done," he said, before he walked out of the class.

English Literature – or literature in general – was a subject that he was _supposed_ to like. But it was hard to like a subject when the teacher didn't like you. And when the teacher only accepted memorisations of her own interpretations of a text. And when the teacher chose simple things without substance as the required reading.

Lovino shook his head as he made his way to the next class.

…

Lovino was on his way to the library. Lunch break had only just begun, and he hoped to get to his sanctuary.

He had the strangest feeling that something bad was going to happen. Whenever he had a class with one of the terrible trio, he noticed that they would often look at him. But it wasn't an ordinary look. It was a look of anticipation. They were planning on doing something to him, and he didn't want to find out what it was.

He was on the last stairwell when it happened. He felt someone yank on his schoolbag, causing him to lose his balance. The person managed to step out of the way, so Lovino fell and rolled to the landing below. He hissed in pain, his head having been hit, as well as his injured ankle being jarred horribly. He was worried that he might have ended up spraining it again.

"You _really_ need to work on your clumsiness," a familiar voice taunted.

Lovino's blood turned cold as he looked up at Antonio, who was casually coming downstairs. From behind him and from down the stairs, Gilbert and Francis closed in.

He was trapped.

He immediately tried to push himself to his feet, but Gilbert kicked him in the back, sending him down again. He grunted in pain, subconsciously placing both hands on either side of his head.

"We need to repay you for making us sit detention yesterday," Gilbert said. "We had to clean the science lab. What did Mr Zwingli make you do? Count his money?"

"I'm sure he needs to check to make sure he hasn't been robbed," Francis sneered.

"Nein, Mr Zwingli would have checked anyway," Gilbert said.

Lovino had had some time to recover, and was preparing to make a run for it. His hands were placed more firmly on the ground, and he was tensing to push himself up.

"You've also been unfair to Marcello," Antonio said. "He has his own friends. He's not like you. If you're going to force him to sit next to you on the bus, then the least you could do is _look_ at him."

Lovino gritted his teeth. How dare they reprimand him about his younger brother, as though they had _any_ idea about what was going on.

Just as he was about to launch himself to his feet, he was pinned down again by Francis and Antonio. He tried to struggle, careful not to make a noise. He didn't want to have to be scolded about getting into a 'fight'. He just needed to get away.

They even held his arms down, and his hands clenched into fists as he tried to break free.

"Which side do you think?" Gilbert asked.

"I think the right side would be perfect," Francis said.

Lovino didn't know what they were referring to, but he knew that if he didn't break free soon, he would find out. And he didn't want to find out. Gilbert raised his foot, and Lovino eyed the boot he was wearing warily. Suddenly, he had an idea about what they were planning.

He could do nothing as Gilbert stomped onto his right wrist. He let out a cry of pain, sure that he could feel something crack. Gilbert did it again, and this time Lovino screamed. He could _definitely_ feel something break.

"What the hell is going on here?!"

Gilbert's eyes widened, and he darted away. Francis and Antonio scrambled to their feet, but Lovino didn't follow. He was cradling his injured wrist, trying to move the fingers, but every attempt sent a spike of pain down his arm without being able to move the fingers. He realised that his wrist was broken.

"M-Mr Zwingli," Antonio stuttered. "We were just…"

"You three," Mr Zwingli said, "detention."

"What?!" Gilbert demanded. "But… he started it!"

"I don't want to hear any excuses. I'll see the three of you this afternoon. Now, go to the cafeteria."

Gilbert clicked his tongue, and he sent Lovino one last kick to the torso before he and the others stalked off. Lovino groaned in pain, before he started to push himself to his feet.

"Marcello," Mr Zwingli said, "help your brother to the nurse's office."

Lovino froze. Marcello was nearby.

"Si," Marcello said quietly. "Grazie."

Marcello held out his hand, but Lovino refused his help. It was painful, but he managed to force himself to his feet.

"I'll be fine," he lied. "Go to lunch."

"Fratello, I know that you're _not_ fine," Marcello insisted. "I can tell by the way you're standing. Please, just come on."

Lovino stared at his youngest brother for a moment before he relented. He knew that he should probably get his wrist treated as soon as possible. And so, he allowed Marcello to lead him to the nurse's office.

They were about halfway there when he felt it again. It was a twitch at his shoulder, and he tried to get his mind off of it, but the next twitch was worse. And then there was a twitch at his elbow. He bit his lip when his injured wrist twitched as well. And the same happened on the other side. His shoulder, elbow, wrist, fingers…

"Are you okay?" Marcello asked, noticing that something was wrong.

"I'm fine," Lovino lied.

"Why are you shaking?"

Lovino didn't know how to answer that, and before he could think of another lie, he felt his knee jerk as well. His eyes widened. It was bad enough if it was just his arms. If his legs also joined…

"I need to get to the bathroom," Lovino said, breaking away as quickly as his sprained ankle would allow and walking ahead.

"Wait!" Marcello said, moving faster as well.

And then there was a particularly violent jerk of the knee that had Lovino crashing to the ground.

"Lovino!" Marcello cried out, startled.

Lovino's eyes widened when his entire body started to twitch and jerk. He didn't want anyone to see this, especially not Marcello. In an effort to control the spasmic behaviour of his joints, he curled up in a ball.

"What's going on?" Marcello asked, kneeling down next to him. Lovino could hear the concern in his voice. "Lovino… This is… Help!"

"No," Lovino grunted. "No one else. Please. I can't…"

"Lovino… Did this happen before?"

Tears burned the corners of Lovino's eyes as he nodded his head.

"Fratello…" Marcello said sadly. "Why didn't you say anything? This…"

"Because…" Lovino gasped. "This is… what killed Mama."

Lovino could remember it clearly. He'd told his mother about these attacks. She saw a mild one. She made an appointment at the hospital for tests. The other vehicle colliding with the driver's side. Lovino waking up to hear that his mother was dead. The funeral. His father…

All of it was caused by the erratic movement of his limbs. Something that he knew wasn't normal. Something that didn't happen too often anymore, and especially not as bad as at that moment. Something that was causing him great pain at the moment.

He just lay in the hallway for a while, afraid for when someone would come by. Someone who would kick him when he was down. He didn't even know if Marcello was still there.

He didn't know how long it took, but eventually it calmed. He didn't realise that he had been crying until he no longer had something else to distract him. He was startled when a gentle hand was placed on his arm.

"Are you feeling better now?" Marcello asked gently.

Lovino swallowed, before nodding his head. Marcello stood up, having sat down when it was clear that this would take a while. He then started to help Lovino up, but the older hissed in pain.

"Don't," he gasped. "I can do it myself."

Marcello pulled away, and Lovino managed to rise to his feet. He started limping towards the nurse's office, wiping away his tears.

"Don't tell anyone about this," Lovino said. "Especially not padre."

"Why not?" Marcello asked. "Lovino… You had a _seizure_. You need to get help for this."

"Didn't you hear? This is what killed Mama. It's my fault."

"How did this kill Mama? And no matter what your answer is, it is _not_ your fault."

Lovino didn't answer. Marcello was wrong. It _was_ Lovino's fault.

The nurse looked annoyed the moment she saw Lovino. She had seen his injuries over the years. And she, like everyone else, believed that he was the one that got into fights. That _he_ was the one that wanted this. And that _he_ was the irresponsible one.

The nurse merely glanced at his wrist before claiming that it was sprained, and gave him a compress for it. Lovino didn't argue. She would get huffy and ask him if _he_ had spent years in medical school, only to become a nurse at a high school instead of a hospital like she wanted.

It wasn't worth it, and Lovino wasn't going to make that mistake again.

Marcello at least argued on his behalf that he needed to rest a bit, and she grudgingly agreed. Lovino gratefully climbed on the bed and closed his eyes.

"Go back to lunch," he told Marcello.

"But…" Marcello began.

"Why were you there, anyway?"

"…I saw them going after you. I knew something bad was going to happen, so I called Mr Zwingli."

Lovino didn't say anything. The road to hell was paved with good intentions. Because getting them into trouble for something they did to Lovino would result in them blaming Lovino and taking it out on him. Like earlier.

They would retaliate again. And Lovino was nervous about what they would do _this_ time.

…

Feliks was growing worried. Lovino was late. He should have been in the library by now.

The librarian made her rounds, and she seemed worried about Lovino as well. Feliks tried to read to ease his nerves – he had to do _something_ in the library – but the longer the break dragged on without Lovino, the more apprehensive Feliks became.

He thought about those three that seemed determined to give Lovino hell, and he worried that they had gotten to him. That they had done something to him. And when the bell rang and Lovino still hadn't come, he was sure that he was right.

As he made his way to class, he listened closely for any conversations pertaining to Lovino and what might have happened, but it didn't seem as though anyone had heard of it, otherwise the news would have reached him by now.

He was almost at his class when he felt someone tug on his arm. He spun around, and was surprised to see one of Lovino's brothers. The shape of the curl and the colour of the eyes told him that this was Marcello.

The brothers looked too much alike.

"You're Feliks, right?" Marcello asked. "Lovino's friend?"

"Tak," Feliks said, taking a step closer to the younger boy. "Did something happen?"

Marcello nodded his head, before he leaned closer.

"Lovino's in the nurse's office," he whispered. "Those three… they really hurt him. The nurse said his wrist is sprained."

Feliks felt a jolt of worry. The nurse's office. But he realised something else.

Marcello knew about what was happening to Lovino.

**I tried to write a chorea attack, but I couldn't do a lot of research, especially when it became clear that there are many different types and I'm not someone who can do a lot of research when it comes to biology (or anything that falls under the umbrella of natural science – I'm right-brained, not left-brained). Most of the time, I use personal experiences for things like this. Alright, so when I was in the ninth grade I started experiencing this jerking movement with my arms that couldn't be controlled. The first time it happened, it lasted four hours and it was bad enough that the school called my mom to pick me up. It happened several times after that, and eventually we went to a neurologist to see if I'm epileptic, only to discover that my brain can't handle stress and this was one of the ways my brain programmed itself to release excess stress. Insomnia and lack of breath are other methods. The times Lovino remarked on the trembling of his arms, he was usually in an emotional state – in other words, slightly stressed. From what I understand, chorea is a bit more extreme than what I suffer from, and it specifically mentioned the arms and legs suffering from involuntary muscle movement. To anyone with no idea about what's going on, it **_**could**_** look like a seizure. Also, stress has a bad habit of affecting your physical condition, so high-strung emotions could trigger a response like this.**

**As you can tell from the above note, I took a few creative liberties, and I apologise to anyone that actually knows about this stuff. But like I said, I combined the information I found with my own experience with involuntary muscle movement. And yes, it can be quite painful. Whenever someone asks if my condition hurts, I just tell them to repeatedly shrug for five minutes. Some of the children I work with can't even manage thirty seconds. The speed of the jerks depends on how stressed I am at that moment. And the same can be said of Lovino.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks to SparklyMagix and Carina Sicily for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 16**

Feliks pulled Marcello further aside, wanting to speak privately with him.

"So… You know that he's being bullied?" Feliks asked, just to make sure.

Marcello nodded his head.

"And you know too," he said. "But Lovino doesn't want my help."

Feliks nodded in understanding. Of course, he didn't know what type of help Marcello was trying to provide. But at least he was aware and was _trying_ to help.

"I… I'm worried about Lovino," Marcello admitted. "When I was taking him to the nurse's office… I think he had a seizure or something."

Feliks felt a cold weight settle in his stomach. A seizure? Did Lovino have a condition or something that would cause seizures?

Was that one of the reasons why they bullied him?

"Like, what do you mean with 'seizure'?" Feliks asked.

"He kept… He kept jerking and he wouldn't stop," Marcello tried to explain. "He couldn't even walk. And he doesn't want me to tell anyone, but… Please, you're always together. Please, keep an eye on him at school."

Feliks nodded. He was planning on doing it anyway.

It was nice to finally have an ally when it came to Lovino. Should Feliks tell him about the state he had found Lovino in the previous week?

No, better not. He didn't want to betray the small amount of trust that Lovino had placed in him.

The two parted ways, and Feliks only barely made it in time for class. And as usual, he had to listen to a few disparaging remarks about Lovino not being in class, before he decided to interfere by saying that Lovino was in the nurse's office and that he was sick.

They quieted down after that, but no concern was shown for the Italian.

…

Lovino was surprised to realise that he had fallen asleep, and he would have continued sleeping, had the nurse not shaken him awake.

"Come on," she said. "School's over."

Lovino sat up, wincing at the new injuries. And as he placed his feet on the ground, he realised that he would most likely have to walk home. With an injured ankle. _Again_.

Well, he _was_ planning on going to get more bandages. It might have only been a short time left, but with the way the terrible trio were going on, he knew that he would need to have some more.

It was just going to be a _huge_ chore.

As Lovino predicted, the bus was long gone by the time he arrived at the gate. He was just worried that the terrible trio would be hanging around. But then he remembered that they had detention, and he felt a bit better when he realised that he would be safe that afternoon.

He walked a different route this time in order to reach the shopping district. He also had to walk slowly so as not to further aggravate his ankle, but he knew that the amount of walking that he was doing was going to ruin the foot.

He sighed in relief when he reached the small pharmacy, and he quickly started looking for the things he needed. Bandages, ointment, anti-inflammatory cream, and a small pack of painkillers, along with a bottle of water.

As he approached the counter, two other people entered. Lovino knew that something was about to happen based on the fact that the two were masked.

"Freeze!" one shouted, waving a gun around at everyone. "Everyone, get down!"

There weren't many people in the pharmacy, but Lovino could hear their frantic cries. He, on the other hand, remained where he was.

"Didn't you hear me, kid?" the man said, walking up to him with the gun aimed at his head. "Get down."

Lovino stared at the gun. He knew that he shouldn't feel too excited – this was too spontaneous, after all. But it was an opportunity that he just couldn't resist.

And so Lovino pressed himself closer to the gun.

"Be my guest," he said.

The man's eyes widened behind the mask. It was an interesting shade. Clearly, he did _not_ expect this response.

"Are you insane?" the man demanded. "Do you _want_ to die?"

"Yes," Lovino said simply.

A part of him was amused to see the shock on what little he could see of the man's face. Clearly, this was not how the man was planning for this to go. The gun was actually trembling a bit where it was resting against Lovino's forehead.

And then, the man pulled away.

"Fuck this," he said. "Come on! Let's get out of here!"

The robber's companion had seen the scene, and he also threw one look at Lovino before following his partner out of the pharmacy. Lovino sighed. So, it was the third time he failed. Actually… Did failing an attempted suicide-by-proxy count as a failed suicide attempt?

He shook his head, before turning back to the counter. He placed his items on the counter, and it was only when he was pulling out his wallet that he realised that the cashier didn't ring any of it up.

Lovino looked up, and he idly realised that the cashier was also the owner. Well, it was a small place, after all.

"Keep the money," the man said.

"What?" Lovino asked, not understanding what was happening.

The items were placed in a bag, but no amount was displayed on the screen.

"Kid, do you realise how much damage a robbery would have caused me?" the man asked. "Even if your way was a bit… questionable and worrisome, you _did_ save me a lot of money. So, you don't have to pay for any of this."

Lovino simply stared at the man in surprise. What was…?

"But I've got to ask you something," the man said. "Are you_ serious_ about what you told that guy?"

Lovino averted his eyes. He didn't want to have to answer to a near-stranger. The man sighed, before he ducked down. He returned and placed something else in the bag.

"It's mild," he said. "But at least you wouldn't need a prescription for it."

He held the bag out for Lovino, who hesitated before he took it. The man nodded his head.

"Thank you again," the man said.

Lovino was still confused, but he nodded before leaving. He walked for a bit until he could find a bench, before sitting down. He reached into the bag, finding the bottle of water with ease, but the painkillers were harder to find. He then noticed what the man had placed in the bag.

It was an antidepressant.

…

Feliks felt a bit nervous when he entered the psychiatrist's office. No matter how many times he went, he remained nervous. It was probably because he was supposed to talk about things that he wouldn't normally talk about with other people.

Matthew smiled when he saw Feliks, and he tried to smile back.

"And how are you feeling today, Feliks?" he asked.

"I'm okay," Feliks said, absently nodding his head.

"Any new developments with Lovino?"

Feliks flinched, before averting his gaze.

"…Like, he's pushing me away," he said. "More than usual. And… Yesterday, he got into detention because of the bullies. They attacked him again today. He ended up in the nurse's office, and apparently the wrist is sprained. Like, he didn't even come to the library, but his brother told me about what happened. And… he told me that on the way, Lovino totally had a seizure or something."

Matthew's eyes widened, and he straightened in his seat.

"A seizure?" he repeated. "Are you sure?"

Feliks shrugged.

"Like I said, his brother told me. So, like, I'm not sure myself."

Matthew sighed, removing his glasses.

"…Something like this could seriously complicate things," he said. "That means that there's some kind of neurological disorder, which could influence his depression. Asides from emotional causes, depression is the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain. A neurological disorder _would_ have an influence on the chemical balance of his brain. He needs to see a doctor for that."

"The problem is, he told his brother not to tell anyone," Feliks said. "And if I like reveal that I know…"

"Then he would feel betrayed, which would only push him further away," Matthew nodded. "…He's a tricky one. We need to find a way for me to speak to him personally."

"I don't know… he's really stubborn. But… Like, at least one of his brothers knows that he's being bullied, and he wants to help."

Matthew nodded his head.

"As long as he receives the support he needs," he said. "But… I have to say, I'm impressed. Most of what's bothering you these days is the concern you feel for your friend. Is everything alright with _you_ at school?"

Feliks nodded his head.

"Like, except for everyone trying to tell me to stay away from Lovino," he said. "Oh, and our project is finished. Like, I've never finished a project so early before. And, like, I feel confident that I'm going to get a good grade for the first time in a long time. And it's totally all because of Lovino."

"Did you tell him this?" Matthew asked.

"No… not yet."

"Tell him. Something like this would greatly influence his confidence. And if you keep raising his confidence, then he'll subconsciously want to be around you, which would make your mission to befriend him a lot easier. Have you given him any compliments recently?"

"Like, I told him how awesome it is that he can write with both hands."

"Oh, so he's ambidextrous. Yes, that _is_ something that could boost his self-esteem."

"Like, I also noticed that he likes talking about books. And he really gets into it. I've been trying to keep him busy like that. I know that he likes Shakespeare's plays, and that his favourite is _A Midsummer Night's Dream_."

Matthew smiled.

"I actually know about something that could play to your advantage," he said. "There's going to be a production of that play starting next month. If you want, I could get you tickets. Or I could speak to your parents about the tickets. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable."

Feliks's face lit up.

"Like, that would be totally fabulous!" he exclaimed.

…

Lovino arrived home, his entire body in pain. He just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again.

Soon. Very soon.

He climbed up the stairs, and he could hear his father downstairs, before he arrived at the foot of the stairs.

"Why didn't you go with the bus?" Romulus demanded.

"I had some shopping to do," Lovino said. "Is there a problem?"

Romulus sighed, before walking away. Lovino made his way to his room, but before he reached it, Marcello walked out of his own room.

"How are you feeling?" Marcello asked.

"Like shit," Lovino simply said.

"Do you need something?"

"Sleep."

Marcello averted his eyes, but nodded his head.

"Fratello, about what happened…" he started.

"I don't want to talk about it," Lovino snapped, heading towards his room.

"…Are you sure it's sprained?" Marcello asked.

"I don't even care at this point. I just want to sleep."

He shut the door behind him, stalking towards his bed. He painfully pulled off his clothes, before slipping under the covers. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but he couldn't stop himself from running through the events of the day. He particularly thought about the attack by the trio.

This wasn't something that just happened. They planned it. They planned to injure his hand, but were they aware of how much damage they were causing?

…It didn't matter. They wouldn't have cared. In fact, if they knew that they had broken bone, then they would have celebrated.

But there was still the matter of their retaliation. They had received detention because of Lovino, and like earlier, they would retaliate, and Lovino was honestly terrified of what they would do to him.

He just needed to hold out until Friday. The anniversary of his mother's death. This time, he had a better plan. This time, he wouldn't fail.

After a few minutes, he realised that the wrist wasn't going to allow him to rest, and he pulled the bag closer. He froze when he saw the antidepressants, before removing something else he'd bought.

It was a wrist guard, and he could only hope that it was strong enough to act as a splint. There was no way he would tell his father about what had happened to his wrist. He would be yelled at for the injury, and his father would scold him for wasting his money on the doctor's visit to receive a cast. He would still take him to get the cast, but he would make it clear that he wouldn't be happy.

Lovino didn't want to be in that position again.

He removed the painkillers he'd bought, along with the bottle of water, and drank again. He didn't really care about the fact that he'd already had two pills less than four hours ago. And there was no way that a double dose would have been able to do much damage. But wouldn't it have been ironic if he killed himself by accident?

…

Marcello was on his computer, eyes scanning through the search results. His eyes automatically went up to read the search query.

_How to help someone with depression._

One of the things they said was to get the person professional help, but he knew that Lovino wouldn't be willing to listen. And then there was the additional problem of getting their father to agree, and convincing him that help was necessary.

Something else they recommended was to spend time with the person, if only to show them that they weren't alone. But how could Marcello do that if Lovino pushed him away?

He saw the look in Lovino's eyes. On one hand, it looked as though he was desperately wishing to cry. On the other, it looked like glass. Almost empty.

It scared him.

He also knew that Lovino had been right. He _was_ afraid of him, and he couldn't even remember why. But he knew that it hurt his brother. And considering everything he'd learned about Lovino lately, he felt horrible for hurting him.

He hadn't been there for his brother. Maybe, if he had gone to Lovino… If he hadn't run away from him, then Lovino wouldn't be feeling the way he was feeling. He wouldn't be cutting himself. He would talk to Marcello about it.

He vaguely remembered being on the ground, and someone standing protectively over him. If not for the curl, he wouldn't have any clue about who it might have been: Lovino. Lovino was standing protectively in front of him.

He remembered that Lovino had kept the bullies away when they were little, but what changed? Lovino didn't become a bully, and…

His stomach sank when he realised that it was because _he_ was the one that made it change. Because he grew afraid of his brother. The brother that tried to protect him.

"What have I done?" he whispered.

He wanted to ask for help. He wanted to tell someone about what Lovino was going through. And he knew that he _needed_ to tell his father about the seizure he'd seen. But he didn't want to betray Lovino's trust. Not after realising in what ways he'd already betrayed his brother.

…

_Lovino was sitting in the backseat of the car, fiddling with the seatbelt. He looked at his fingers, which were trembling slightly._

"_Mama, will it hurt?" Lovino asked._

"_No, my little kitten," his mother said soothingly. "It's just a series of tests. There will be no pain involved, and I promise, if they _do_ hurt you, they have _me_ to deal with."_

_Lovino smiled, despite himself. She was right. There was nothing his Mama couldn't do. And no one that was brave when they faced her anger._

"_There's even a surprise waiting for you when it's over," she said._

"_A surprise?" Lovino asked excitedly. "What is it?"_

_She shook her head._

"_If I told you, then it wouldn't be a surprise," she said._

_Lovino pouted. He hated it if she used logic against him._

"_Well… could you give me a clue?" he asked._

_Chiara chuckled._

"_It's something with long ears and sharp teeth," she said._

_Lovino crossed his arms, pout still in place. His mother _always _did this. But if she added the part about sharp teeth, then it meant that it must have been a really great surprise. Like that book._

_He noticed his mother's head whip to the side, and not even a second later, confusion. A sound like thunder. Pain bursting in his left arm, head and right leg. And everything growing dark._

Lovino awoke, gasping for breath. He was covered in sweat, and started to tremble. Tears streamed down his face, and a sob broke free through his lips. He remembered that time clearly. It was the moment when his happiness died, and his hell began.

A truck collided with the side of the car. Lovino's arm and leg were broken, and he received a concussion. But that wasn't the worst part. When he woke up, his father told him that his mother had died. The only person that loved him had died, but _he_ had survived.

He knew that everyone wanted it to be the other way around.

_It should have been you!_

Lovino curled up in a ball and cried. His body shook with sobs. It wasn't the first time he dreamed about that day, and every time, he was left wondering why he survived, only to live through this hell. He knew that it should have been _him_ that died in the accident, not his mother. Chiara was missed. Lovino wouldn't have been. And his father would have been happy.

He never _did_ find out what Chiara's surprise for him was.

**You get a few homeopathic antidepressants that wouldn't need a prescription. That's what Lovino was given. It might not be very potent, but it helps a little.**

**In Afrikaans, if a child is asking you about information on a surprise, we say 'it's something with long ears', and occasionally we add 'and sharp teeth'. This is how we say that if they want to know what the surprise is, they would have to wait.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks to and apurehetalian for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 17**

Lovino tiredly opened his eyes when he heard the alarm go off. He was getting tired of waking up like this. He was also tired of being tired.

He waited for a short time before he got up, silencing the alarm. He didn't want to deal with his father at the moment. He didn't want to deal with his father at all for the next few days. For the rest of his life.

Lovino got changed, and when he was finished, he sat down on the bed again. He closed his eyes, feeling a bit dizzy, and he wondered if it was because he was eating less lately. Most days, his only meal was breakfast, and even then, he didn't eat a lot.

He wouldn't have long to live, so he didn't particularly care.

When he heard his father's approach, he stood up and left the room. He didn't even look in his father's direction as the older Italian came to a stop, before turning around to return to the kitchen. Lovino closed his eyes and sighed. His father wouldn't even give him a biting remark.

He ate his breakfast quickly, his back turned towards his family. He only heard Feliciano's and his father's voices. Marcello was oddly quiet. He was almost sure that he could feel his youngest brother's eyes on his back.

Marcello joined him again on the bus, and once again, Lovino didn't acknowledge his brother. Though he did flinch in surprise when Marcello leaned his head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, fratello," Marcello said.

Lovino didn't know what Marcello was apologising for, and he didn't ask. He kept his eyes outside the window, keeping his injured wrist close to his body. He'd pulled down the sleeve to hide the fact that he was wearing a wrist guard, and thus to hide the fact that the wrist was injured.

"Fratello, you need to make sure that Feliks is with you at all times," Marcello said in a low voice. "I'm worried that they might attack you again if you're alone."

"Si," Lovino said quietly. "They will. They're angry. They'll blame me for the detention of yesterday."

Marcello was silent for a moment.

"That's my fault, isn't it?" he asked.

Lovino didn't answer, and the rest of the bus ride was done in silence between the two brothers.

…

Lovino didn't pay much attention in class, only listening occasionally. He took note of a mathematics test on Friday, but he didn't particularly care about it. He would die on Friday, and the result of the test wouldn't matter.

Everything went by in a blur, and before he realised it, lunch had arrived. He flinched when Feliks grabbed his arm.

"Like, are you okay?" Feliks asked. "You look pale."

"I'm just tired," Lovino sighed.

Feliks lowered his gaze, before looking up at Lovino again.

"Like, if there's anything that bothers you, _please_, tell me," Feliks said. "Anyway, we should probably get going."

Lovino stared at Feliks for a moment before he sighed. Feliks hadn't let him out of his sight today, and he wondered if Marcello said anything to him.

Lovino said nothing as he started making his way to the library, Feliks following behind him. It wasn't long before Feliks walked beside him, and he noticed the frown on his face.

"Like, your limp got _worse_," Feliks said.

"Shit," Lovino muttered, trying to adjust the way he was walking to hide the limp. However, this only brought on more pain, and his face twisted to reflect the increased pain.

"Like, I think you need crutches," Feliks said, his tone growing more worried.

"I'll be fine," Lovino snapped. "Please, just leave me alone."

Feliks stepped out in front of Lovino, forcing the Italian to stop.

"Vino, I'm totally worried about you," he said. "Please, talk to me if something is wrong. Don't push me away."

"I'm doing it for your own good!" Lovino snapped. "Please… just leave me alone. Go save your reputation. Everyone would be happy when they stop seeing you with me."

"Not everyone," Feliks said. "Feliciano and Marcello won't be."

Lovino shook his head, and the next breath he took sounded more like a sob. He closed his eyes, feeling the tears sting his eyes.

"Please," Lovino whispered. "You'll just get hurt. Please…"

He felt Feliks place his hand on his arm, and he flinched at the contact.

"Vino, you're forgetting something important," Feliks said gently. "I _know_ how you feel. I've been there too, remember? I know what it feels like to feel that everyone would be better without having you around. But I'm telling you what _I_ forgot: People are there for you. For someone, you're the most precious person in their lives. Don't take yourself away from them."

Lovino just shook his head, and Feliks pulled him into a hug. He didn't hug back, but he didn't push the other male away. He could feel Feliks rub circles on his back, and he felt that this was just cruel. Days before he was going to join his mother in the afterlife, and life tried to give him someone that treated him like a friend. All his life, he had to be without a companion, or a companion that was only using him, and now he was given someone like Feliks, who knew more about him than anyone else ever knew, and who still _insisted_ on being with Lovino. It was unfair. It was unfair to Feliks. Lovino could tell that he was putting his heart into trying to fix Lovino, but it was too late. Lovino was beyond repair.

Eventually, Lovino pulled away, and he continued on his way to the library, Feliks walking dutifully with him.

…

Feliks watched Lovino, taking a break from his homework every now and again to do so. He wasn't an avid reader like Lovino, but figured that the library time was a good time to do homework.

Something was _seriously_ wrong with Lovino. It was like the fire in his soul was completely extinguished. And Feliks could clearly see how pale he was, as well as the dark circles surrounding his eyes.

He wanted to ask what was bothering him, and he wanted to _demand_ an answer, but he knew from experience that Lovino wouldn't say anything. And considering the apparent gravity of what was weighing on his mind, Feliks was terrified of what it could be. He was terrified because he could see that Lovino was suffering, but he had no idea how to help.

Further reason for him to worry was the fact that Lovino hadn't turned the page in five minutes already. He was simply staring at the page in front of him, and Feliks couldn't even see his eyes moving from side to side.

Pursing his lips, Feliks stood, going to the librarian. She smiled when she saw him.

"Is there anything I can help with?" she asked.

"Are there any self-help books or something?" he asked.

She did a quick search on her computer, before nodding her head.

"From number 521 to 530," she said.

"Thank you," he said, before searching for the shelves in question.

Finding the shelves wasn't a problem – finding the _book_ was. Feliks scanned the titles, trying to find anything regarding depression or suicidal thoughts, and _just_ when he found the right book, the bell rang to signify that the next period was starting. He groaned, before pulling the book out slightly. He would return after school to check it out, and he would have to explain to his mother that _that_ was the reason why he was late.

He quickly returned to Lovino's location, seeing that the Italian was preparing to go. Feliks quickly went to pack his things, but Lovino didn't wait for him. It took him a moment to realise that it wouldn't have mattered. Lovino's limp was slowing him down.

Feliks caught up with Lovino, and he stared at the Italian's feet.

"What _exactly_ happened to your leg?" he asked.

"I told you," he said. "I sprained my ankle."

"How?"

"How do you think? I stepped funny, it bent to the side. That's it."

"Is it?"

Lovino was silent for a moment, before he sighed.

"They were chasing me," he admitted in a whisper. "And when I was trying to get away, my ankle twisted."

"What happened after that?" he asked.

"Use your imagination," Lovino said.

Feliks sighed. There was no reason for Lovino to spell it out. Feliks knew what happened. What always happened when someone was cornered by their bullies, with no one that could _possibly_ interfere.

"Like, how is everyone in this school too _stupid_ to see what's right in front of them?" Feliks complained.

This actually earned a small twitch of the mouth from Lovino, but it was soon gone.

"It's because it's easier for them to hate me," Lovino whispered.

…

Lovino was in his last class, copying the notes from the board when he realised that he could no longer make out the notes. Everything was blurry, and he shook his head to help clear the fog, but it didn't help. He couldn't see the words on the board, and he couldn't see the words on the page in front of him.

He closed his eyes, knowing that it was because of the dizziness. In fact, he could feel himself sway a few times, though he knew that he was sitting perfectly still. When he opened his eyes again, he even noted that there were a few black spots in his vision.

He immediately folded his arms and rested his head on them, closing his eyes. He didn't particularly care about copying the notes anymore. They were useless to him anyway.

"Sir!" one of the others called the teacher. "Lovino is sleeping!"

There were snickers all around, and the teacher approached. Lovino sighed, raising his head, only to grab onto the desk as he felt a wave of dizziness crash over him.

"What is it _now_, Vargas?" the teacher asked tiredly.

"Dizzy," Lovino said absently.

The teacher leaned closer, peering into his face. Lovino avoided the man's eyes.

"You _do_ look a bit pale," the man said. "Do you think you should go to the nurse's office?"

Lovino figured he probably _should_, but he didn't particularly _want_ to. So he just shrugged.

"Would someone be willing to take him to the nurse's office?" the teacher asked.

"I will!" a familiar voice said, making Lovino shudder.

"No," he said immediately. "Not him."

"I have to agree with Vargas on this one," the teacher sighed. "Considering the amount of fights between you I've interrupted, I'm not going to leave him alone with you, Carriedo."

Lovino sighed in relief. A teacher that used his head for a change.

"I'll go," another familiar voice said, but this one didn't make Lovino fear for his life.

"Thank you, Honda," the teacher said.

Lovino allowed Kiku to help him up, before he was forced to rely on the Japanese a bit more. His vision blacked out a bit, and his body felt too heavy for him. Kiku thankfully managed to hold onto him.

"He's clearly faking," Gilbert said.

"Unless he pushed his face in a bag of flour, I highly doubt it," the teacher said.

Lovino took a moment to right himself, and Kiku helped him out of class. He shook his head, feeling a bit better, but he still relied on Kiku's support.

"Have you eaten at lunch?" Kiku asked.

"I _never_ eat at lunch," Lovino said.

"…I know that you're not in the cafeteria, but… you don't bring something along?"

Lovino shrugged.

"I'm used to not eating lunch," he said.

"…Did you eat breakfast?" Kiku asked.

"Si."

"How much?"

Again, Lovino shrugged.

"…Your blood sugar is too low," Kiku said at last. "You need to eat something."

"Probably," Lovino said disinterestedly.

The rest of the trip to the nurse's office was in silence, and when they reached it, Kiku knocked on the door, before entering.

The nurse looked up from her paperwork when they entered, but when she saw Lovino she frowned.

"What is it _now_, Vargas?" she asked tiredly.

"He almost fainted in class," Kiku explained. "I think it's low blood sugar."

She sighed, grabbing a device. She gestured to the chair in front of her desk, and Kiku helped Lovino sit down.

She took a small sample of his blood, Lovino making sure that it came from his left hand. When she saw the result her eyes widened, and instead of annoyance, her face was a mask of concern.

"Vargas, how are you still awake?!" she cried out. She turned to Kiku. "You know where the vending machine is. Get him a chocolate bar and an energy drink."

She quickly pulled out money from her wallet, before handing it to Kiku. The Japanese male immediately ran off.

Through the fog of dizziness, Lovino couldn't help the confusion ringing through him. The nurse had always been dismissive of him, and always looked as though she thought she had better things to do than her job when it came to Lovino. So, seeing her so concerned about him was a surprise.

While they were waiting for Kiku, she went to the tap and poured some water. Lovino saw her mixing in some sugar, before she brought it to him.

"Until he comes back, I want you to sip this," she said. "Slow sips, please."

Lovino nodded, before he took the glass. He did as the nurse asked, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to himself. She signed his name into the ledger, and he sighed. Well, at least he had evidence that he wasn't skipping class.

Kiku returned when the glass was half empty, and under the watchful eyes of the nurse, Lovino ate the chocolate bar and drank the drink. But he could tell that something was wrong. His stomach seemed upset by the unexpected additions.

"Thank you," the nurse said, nodding to Kiku. "Go back to class. Vargas, get into a bed."

Lovino nodded, before he went to obey her order. There wasn't much of the period left, but he could use the rest. He closed his eyes, still unable to ignore the sensation that he was falling.

He wasn't sure how long he was lying there, but soon he was shaken awake. He opened his eyes to see Feliciano and Marcello standing there, looking at him in concern.

"Ciao fratello," Feliciano said, his voice not as cheerful as normal. "Kiku told me that you almost fainted."

"Come on," Marcello said. "We'll miss the bus. I asked Camille to tell the driver to wait."

Lovino nodded his head, and he allowed his brothers to help him up. Feliciano handed him his bag, and Lovino looked down at it in confusion.

"Ve, Kiku helped pack it up and gave it to me," Feliciano said.

"Tell him 'grazie' from me," Lovino said.

He would probably need to see if anything had been removed from or deposited into his bag. He might have trusted Feliciano's friend not to do anything, but there were other classmates as well. Classmates who _couldn't_ be trusted.

They walked to the bus together, neither Feliciano nor Marcello trying to support him, but nearby in case he needed support. They knew that he wouldn't like it if they were trying to force him along. Lovino was actually grateful for that. He knew that Marcello was aware of the limp, and he also knew about his wrist. Marcello must have figured out that Lovino was in too much pain to want to be touched. But… Did Marcello inform Feliciano?

On the bus, his brothers continued to surprise him by sitting on either side of him. It felt… nice.

It was unfair. He'd spent ten years with no one that cared about him, and now he's being shown so much kindness. Ten years without it, and now it was being shoved down his throat. Just when he had resolved himself to die.

But the universe couldn't convince him to keep living. Because as soon as he decided that he would give life a chance, he knew that things would go back to normal. Feliciano would continue to be oblivious, and Marcello would return to being afraid of him. And the person that tried to be his friend would decide that it wasn't worth the effort.

He wouldn't let that happen again.

As soon as they arrived home, Feliciano turned to him with a small smile.

"Ve, are you hungry Lovino?" he asked.

Lovino wanted to deny it. He wanted to say that he was fine. But he knew that if he _didn't_ get something in his stomach, then he would only make things worse for himself.

"A bit," he admitted at last.

Feliciano nodded with a sad smile.

"I'll go make something for you," he said, rushing to the kitchen.

…

Feliks was reading the book he checked out after school. He'd sent his mom a quick text to explain why he was taking so long, but he really needed this book. He needed to help Lovino. And it might also help him as well.

He took a sip of water, wincing a bit. Ever since his bath earlier, he felt a bit nauseous. He had no idea what it could have been.

But when he felt a spike, he knew that it wasn't just nausea. He needed to run to the bathroom. He made it just in time, before depositing the contents of his stomach in the toilet. It didn't taste so nice the second time around.

His mother was soon at his side, rubbing circles on his back. When it was done, she gave him something to settle his stomach, and sent him to bed.

But after two hours, he was awoken again, and he had to run again. And yet again, his mother gave him something for the nausea. Only for him to throw it up an hour later.

Needless to say, he wasn't going to school the next day.

**I need Feliks out of the way for the next day, and I spent some time trying to think of a good reason why he would be absent. A 24-hour stomach bug answered the question for me. Why is it the best ideas for authors come from the worst circumstances?**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks to Gyalx81, FanFicWriter332, , Carina Sicily and two anons for reviewing.**

**A quick warning for you all: you may want to get tissues ready for this chapter. And the next three. Maybe four. Point is, the next few chapters have made **_**me**_** tear up when writing it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 18**

The moment they stepped outside the house, Lovino glanced up to the sky. It was overcast, and it looked like a storm was coming. It would seem that he had no choice but to take the bus that afternoon.

Marcello sat down next to him, as was quickly becoming his routine. Feliciano still went to join his friends, though.

"Are you feeling better today?" Marcello asked.

"I'm not about to pass out, if that's what you mean," Lovino said.

"…Fratello, when was the last time… you…"

"It's not your business."

Marcello looked pained, and he turned his gaze to his lap.

"…Yesterday, wasn't it?" he asked.

It was actually during the night. Lovino had awoken from another nightmare – which was normal for this time of the year. And he needed to numb himself. He needed to calm down. He needed to get to sleep. And so he made a few cuts again.

It was almost time – one more day, and he wouldn't have to cut himself ever again. He wouldn't need to wake up. He wouldn't need to go through this hell anymore.

A part of him felt guilty for what he would do to Feliciano, Marcello and Feliks, but they would get over it. Marcello and Feliciano had people that cared for them, and they would soon forget about him. Feliks would forget about him too. He had been well on the way of forging friendships with some of their classmates before meeting Lovino, and he would continue when Lovino was gone. And Feliciano would be more than happy to befriend Feliks. He would be a better friend than Lovino, anyway.

He was doing them a favour by getting out of their lives.

…

Lovino frowned, looking at the seat next to him. Feliks usually sat there, but the Pole was noticeably absent. Even if he was angry at Lovino, he should have still been in the classroom. Was he absent?

When the period came and went, he figured that Feliks was, indeed, absent. But where was he? Was he sick or something?

Lovino didn't realise how lonely it was without Feliks. It was insane! Lovino was used to being alone. This was as it should be.

…

The classes went by in a blur, and before Lovino realised it, it was lunchtime. He was on his way to the stairs when someone grabbed him by the bag, pulling him along and throwing him against the wall.

"Finally," Gilbert sneered. "No one to hide behind this time."

Lovino widened his eyes, and he instinctively tried to move away, but his ankle prevented him from getting far, and so did Francis and Antonio on either side.

"You're not going anywhere," Antonio said.

Lovino pressed his back against the wall, eyes darting around. Most of the other students had already rushed to the lunchroom, and the few stragglers wouldn't lift a finger to help Lovino.

"What the hell is your problem?" Lovino asked. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Because _someone _needs to knock you off your high horse," Gilbert said, as Antonio and Francis grabbed hold of Lovino's arms.

"Let go of me!" Lovino shouted, struggling against the other two.

Antonio grabbed hold of the injured wrist, and Lovino had to bite back the scream of pain. Gilbert smirked, before he punched Lovino in the right eye.

Lovino felt as though his head was about to explode when he felt the impact. But that wasn't the end of it. Gilbert wrapped his hand around his throat, and Lovino's eyes widened in fear.

"We also need to repay you for the detention the other day," Gilbert sneered, before he squeezed Lovino's throat.

"N-no," Lovino gasped.

He wanted to die, yes, but he didn't want to be killed by these three. It would be the ultimate insult to injury. Still, it _would_ prove that they weren't as innocent as everyone made them out to be.

With his free hand, Gilbert punched Lovino in the midsection, and he doubled over in pain. Francis released his left side, before grabbing a fistful of his hair. He hissed as Francis pulled his hair back, and Gilbert released his throat so that Francis could slam Lovino's head against the wall. Thankfully, Antonio released his wrist, but he threw him down to the ground.

Lovino bit back the pained cry when he landed on the ground. He had positioned his hands to catch his fall out of pure instinct, but it wasn't a good thing for his injured wrist. Immediately, he tucked himself into a ball with his hands pressed against his chest. He didn't want them to punish the wrist any more than they already had.

He whimpered when he was kicked in the head, and he didn't know who it was. He knew that he was going to be staying there until they were finished with him, and he had no idea how long _that_ would be. Or how much damage would be done until then.

They continued to kick and stomp on him, and he endured the pain as much as he could. Eventually, though, he felt a particularly harsh stomp on his ribcage, and he was sure he felt something crack. He cried out in pain as someone stomped on that area again.

"What's going on here?!" Mr Kohler's voice demanded.

"M-Mr Kohler!" Gilbert stammered. "He started it! He called me freak, Antonio stupid and Francis…"

"Quiet! All four of you, detention! I expect to see you in my class! Vargas, get up!"

Lovino looked up, seeing the teacher glaring at him. He frowned, before painfully forcing himself to his feet. Mr Kohler sent a glare to the other three, who quickly scurried away. The glare was levelled on Lovino.

"Vargas, you can wipe that glare from your face," Mr Kohler said. "You need to stop pretending that the whole world belongs to you, and that you can do whatever you want. Because you have no one to blame but yourself."

Lovino gritted his teeth. This man knew _nothing_! Lovino spun around and continued on his way to the library. He needed to find a good book to just wash everything away. In fact… He didn't even need to go to his final classes. He was already in trouble, and it wasn't as though they could do anything worse to him. Besides, this was his second-last day alive, or at least he hoped. There was no reason for him to continue to try to satisfy people who hated him.

…

When the bell rang again, Lovino checked the time. It was the final bell. He needed to get to Mr Kohler's class for his detention.

The worst part was that Lovino would have to suffer through his detention with the terrible trio. And afterwards… They were almost guaranteed to attack him again. To 'punish' him for landing them in detention yet again. Because, of course, it was _Lovino's_ fault.

He limped down to the science classroom, and when he arrived, he saw that the other three were already waiting there. They shot him identical glares, but he didn't care. It was almost over. Soon enough, he would be free.

The door opened, and the Dane stepped out, looking at them with cold eyes.

"Glad to see you're all on time," he said, eyes lingering on Lovino. "Come in."

They filed inside, with Antonio shoving Lovino with his elbow as he entered. Lovino bit back the sound of pain so desperate to escape. He was _pretty_ sure that his ribs had suffered a _lot_ of damage.

"Today, we'll be going back to basics," Mr Kohler said as soon as they all sat down. "We're going to go with simple lines: 'I must not fight at school'. One hundred times. And every time _one_ of you makes a sound, a hundred more is added for _all_ of you. Got it?"

Lovino nodded, and so did the other three. They might have wanted to spite Lovino, but they wouldn't have wanted to increase their own punishment. And Lovino just wanted this to be done.

He turned his attention to the window when he heard the tell-tale sound of raindrops. He scowled. He hoped that it wouldn't still be raining when he walked back.

Writing out the lines was boring, but at least it was distracting. He'd numbered everything beforehand, and unless the others spoke, he would be finished soon. Times like these made him thankful for a faster writing speed.

When he had finished the one hundredth line, he raised his hand, not wanting to give the teacher a reason to continue the punishment.

"What is it, Vargas?" Mr Kohler asked tiredly.

"I'm done," Lovino announced.

The other three stopped, turning vicious glares to him. Mr Kohler frowned, before coming to investigate. His eyes scanned the paper for a moment, and he nodded his head.

"That was fast," he said. "But it looks like you didn't cheat. Alright then, you may go."

Lovino couldn't help the small smile – really more of a twitch of the mouth – as he quickly packed his things. He was glad that he had a fast handwriting. He hurried out of the classroom as fast as his sprained ankle would allow. He needed to put as much distance between him and the terrible trio while he had the time to do so.

When he made his way through the main exit, he noticed that it was no longer raining. That was good. Hopefully, it would last until he reached home. But looking at the clouds, he didn't have much hope.

It was as he left through the gate that he realised he made a dangerous mistake. He had been walking too carelessly, and his foot decided that it had had enough. As he placed his foot on the ground, a fierce stab of pain shot up his leg, extending as far up as his lower back. He hissed in pain, grabbing onto the gate. He needed to wait for the pain to fade a little, but he didn't have time. He had three angry bullies that could be out of detention at any moment. He _needed _to go quickly.

He started to limp home, trying to hold back the frustrated tears threatening to fall. The pain was too great, and his speed was suffering as a result. He didn't have a lot of time. Unless one of them made the mistake of prolonging their punishment, his time was limited.

Five blocks later, and his fears were confirmed. He could hear their running footsteps behind him.

"N-no," he whimpered.

He couldn't run. The pain was too great. And there was nothing but houses nearby. Nowhere for him to hide.

He shut his eyes when he felt the first of them reach him, grabbing him by the hair and yanking him backwards. He let out an automatic cry of pain, but it would remain ignored.

"You bastard!" Gilbert shouted. "We're not done with you yet."

"And no teachers around," Antonio said, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around, as Francis moved to grab him from behind. "No one to save you _this _time."

"Why can't you bastards just leave me alone?!" Lovino demanded.

Pain exploded in his head as a fist connected with his nose. He instantly felt wet heat from his nose, and combined with the scent and taste of blood, he concluded that his nose was broken and bloody. Another fist collided with his left eye as soon as there was ample distance between his face and the first fist. He was also kicked from behind, the offending foot colliding with his left leg, just above the ankle. Lovino screamed in pain.

"Shut up!" Gilbert shouted, punching him in the throat.

A moment later, Antonio's fist collided with his solar plexus. His eyes bulged as his breathing was momentarily delayed, and he found that standing was becoming a chore and a half. Francis threw him to the ground, and this time he shifted in order to avoid injuring the right wrist further.

He curled up into a ball as they continued to kick his torso. Over, and over… He felt his ribs crack further. He couldn't remember the last time that his body was in this much pain.

"Useless…" Antonio's voice spoke to him.

"Worthless…" Francis said.

"Piece of shit!" Gilbert shouted.

"Thanks to you, we wasted another afternoon!" Antonio snarled.

"Things would have been better for everyone if you weren't born," Francis sneered. "The kids at school, the teachers, your brothers…"

"Because of you, Feli is suffering!" Gilbert snarled. "And you're making Marcello hang around you, instead of his friends."

"The _least_ you could have done was talk to him."

"Your mama would be so disappointed in you," Antonio added.

That last part stung more than anything else. Whenever one of them invoked his mother, he felt his anger grow. In the past, it was the means by which they always managed to get him to attack them back. But there was no way to do so now. He was in too much pain.

"You should do the whole world a favour and just drop dead!" Gilbert exclaimed.

Someone kicked him in the face, and Lovino curled himself in a tighter ball. He just wanted the assault to stop. He just wanted to sleep.

_One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day…_

He repeated those three words like a mantra. He tried to disconnect from the world. He usually used pain to do it anyway, but this time he had too much. He still needed to reach his house. He had a lot of walking left to do.

"Shit!" Gilbert exclaimed. "Come on, let's go."

Lovino heard them running away, and a moment later he realised why: the rain had started to fall. He lay there for a moment longer, before painfully forcing himself to his feet. He whimpered as he started limping home, and the tears fell.

He forced himself to walk onwards, and didn't stop until he reached the cemetery. It was something he often passed on his way back home, and he went to visit every now and again. Especially when his heart was tortured.

He felt guilty now. He was in too much pain to go inside. And he needed to get home. His father would already be angry, and he didn't want to make him even angrier. He didn't want to hear it. And besides, the rain was starting to come down hard.

"I'm sorry, Mama," he said, his voice hoarse. "I'll see you soon."

_One more day. One more day._

He painfully continued to walk home. He sighed in relief when he saw his front door, but knew that there was a worse storm approaching. At least he'd stopped crying.

As soon as he opened the door, he heard the familiar sound of his father's angry footsteps.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

He closed the door, not looking in his father's direction. He knew that he would be angry, but he didn't want to see his anger. He just wanted to go to his room, curl up and sleep.

"Why is your nose _still_ bleeding?" Romulus asked. "You got in a fight at school and… Don't tell me you got in _another_ fight!"

Lovino didn't say anything as he moved to the stairs, hiding his limp as best he could.

"Look at me, Lovino!" Romulus shouted. "Do you think this is a game or something?"

A game. A game where he's climbing stairs in absolute agony. Yeah, _very_ fun.

"Do you have any idea what your behaviour does to the rest of us?" Romulus continued. "You keep dragging our family name through the mud. Instead of Feliciano and Marcello's achievements, we're known for _you_ being a delinquent. Did it _ever_ occur to you to think of someone instead of yourself?"

Lovino gritted his teeth as he continued to climb the stairs. So, not only did he go with the family-name route, but also the selfishness route. Lovino's heard all of it before.

"You realise you're supposed to be applying for university soon?" Romulus demanded. "Do you think _anyone_ is going to be interested in someone with a record like yours?"

Lovino wasn't planning on going to a university, anyway. If things went well. He wouldn't live long enough for that. _One more day…_

"Honestly, I have no idea what went wrong with you," Romulus said. "Feli and Cello are children that any parent could be proud of. How are you even related to them?"

_One more day. One more day._

"You know what, Lovino?" Romulus continued. "I'm getting really fed up with you. Sometimes I wish you weren't my son."

Lovino came to a sudden stop. Those words cut him deep. It wasn't the first time his father said something to him that made him realise that he was unloved by the man, but to hear that he wished Lovino wasn't his son…

_One more day. One more day. One more…_

One more day… was one day too many.

He couldn't wait another day. Another day like this… His body and his heart were in pain. And it would only get worse. Perhaps… this was the universe's way of saying that it didn't want him there anymore. But then again, when _did_ it want him?

He felt a sense of calm. His father's words acted as confirmation. He could… He could die in peace. No one would mourn him. Everyone would celebrate. He would improve the world simply by dying.

He continued up the stairs, making his way to his room. He had a few things to do before he could rest. A few final things… Just in case someone was curious enough to know what had happened. What had finally convinced him to end everyone's misery.

He faltered when Marcello left his room, his eyes wide.

"Fratello…" Marcello muttered.

Lovino shook his head, before entering his room. There was no way he was going to let Marcello convince him otherwise. If his younger brother cared for him at all, then he would let him die.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks to , Gyalx81, apurehetalian, schwalzy, and Carina Sicily for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 19**

After watching Lovino disappear into his bedroom, Marcello stormed down to the lower floor. He wasn't angry very often, and he was pretty sure that he had _never_ been angry at his father before. But what had just been said to his older brother crossed many lines. He wondered if his father even realised it.

The man had always been someone that Marcello admired, but ever since realising how much he hurt Lovino, he was starting to have his doubts. What kind of father would _say_ something like that to his own son?

He found his father in the study, furiously writing something down.

"Papa, you need to apologise to Lovino," Marcello said.

Romulus sighed in frustration, putting down the pen and turning to his youngest son.

"He has to learn that actions have consequences," Romulus said. "The school called me about the fight he was in, and that he was sitting detention. And he got into _another_ fight while walking home."

"How do you know?" Marcello challenged. "How do you know he wasn't mugged or something? In that case, you just yelled at him for being attacked!"

Romulus paused. It was clear that he hadn't even thought about it.

"And one more thing, _padre_," Marcello said, emphasising the last word, "you told him that you wished he wasn't your son. How is that supposed to help _anyone_? Do you want Lovino to run away from home? Is that your way of chasing him out?"

At that point, Romulus jerked in surprise, his frustration disappearing and replaced by guilt.

"I… I'll apologise to him later," he said. "After he's cooled down."

"Have you _ever_?" Marcello asked. "Almost every day, you say something mean to Lovino. But have you _ever_ apologised for it? I think… I think the one that has to learn that actions have consequences is _you_, padre. And if the lesson has to come at the cost of losing Lovino, then I will _never_ forgive you."

Marcello whirled around and intended to storm off, only to bump into Feliciano. The middle brother wore a look of worry and confusion.

"Cello… Are you _fighting_ with Papa?" Feliciano asked.

"We're not fighting," Marcello said. "I'm giving padre a taste of his own medicine."

He needed to check on Lovino. He was afraid that the other was cutting himself again.

…

Lovino had only wiped away the blood with a tissue, not really planning to clean the rest of the dried blood. What did it matter, anyway? He was going to die soon.

He quickly wrote down all of the things said to him during the day, before he fetched the previous two books. He quickly wrote a note regarding the nature of the books, before placing them all together on his desk. In case anyone was curious enough to find out why he decided to end it all.

He still had the water bottle from the previous day, though it was empty. He had something else to do with it now. He grabbed it, before starting on his way to the bathroom.

He froze when he opened his bedroom door. Marcello was on the other side, hand raised to knock. Marcello's face was tense, and appeared angry. But once he saw Lovino, the anger melted away, to be replaced by the look Marcello and Feliciano wore when they wanted to cry.

Lovino hissed in pain when Marcello tackled him into a hug. There was a startled gasp from Marcello, before he pulled away.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" Marcello asked worriedly.

Lovino didn't answer, instead rubbing his ribs. He had a feeling that at least one of them was broken, but it wouldn't matter for long.

"I'm sorry," Marcello repeated, lowering his gaze. "Padre is wrong, you know. _I_ know that you're innocent. Don't listen to anyone, Lovino."

"…I want to go to the bathroom," Lovino muttered.

Marcello's gaze drifted to his hands, and lingered on the bottle.

"Why do you have a bottle with you?" he asked.

"Because I don't have the energy to go downstairs for a glass of water," Lovino lied easily.

"I could get you a glass," Marcello offered, to which Lovino shook his head.

"I need to go to the bathroom anyway," he said.

Marcello wore a sad look, and he shifted nervously.

"…Fratello, do you think we could watch a movie together?" Marcello asked.

Lovino blinked in surprise.

"What?" he asked.

"We can do it later," Marcello continued. "Or now. Or tomorrow. Whenever it suits you. And we can watch whatever you want. We can watch in my room – or yours, if you prefer. Feli and padre can't bother us. What do you say?"

Lovino just stared at his younger brother, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Why?" he asked at last.

Marcello flinched, before averting his eyes.

"…I realised that I was a bad brother," he said. "I want to make it up to you. I want to spend time with you. You know, I don't even know what type of movies you like. I don't even know what your favourite _colour_ is. So… what do you say?"

Lovino felt a flutter in his chest, but he had to squash it. Immediately. He couldn't be side-tracked. And he couldn't feel guilty.

"Not today," Lovino said at last. "I'm tired. I just want to sleep."

Marcello solemnly nodded his head.

"Tomorrow, then," he said. "And fratellone… I'm really sorry about everything."

Lovino closed his eyes, before gesturing for Marcello to step out of the way.

"I really need to go to the bathroom now," he said.

He didn't try to hide his limp. He knew that it would be a useless waste of effort, anyway. Marcello already knew that he was hurt.

He emptied his bladder, just in case, and after washing his hands, he filled the bottle. Once full, he reapplied the cap, before opening the medicine cabinet. His eyes easily found the aspirin, still sealed shut. The new bottle would ensure that he had enough.

He grabbed the bottle, and started to make his way back to the room. He was pleased that he didn't run into one of his brothers. He didn't want anyone to interfere.

He shut his door, taking a deep breath. He limped to the bed and froze. Sitting atop the bedside cabinet was a glass of water.

"Marcello…" he whispered. "Idiota."

His brother's kindness was painful, and far too late. He felt a bit guilty that he would be leaving him, but… Marcello had a lot of people that cared about him. There were people that would help him heal. They would tell him that it was better that Lovino was dead. He would recover.

Lovino sat down and broke the seal on the bottle. He placed the plastic on the bedside cabinet. He took out a few pills, knowing that he wouldn't be able to swallow everything at once. He popped them in his mouth, took the glass, and swallowed until everything was down. And the process continued. Until the bottle of pills was empty.

His father would be upset that he needed to buy another bottle of aspirin, but he would be distracted by the joy of Lovino's death. Then it was just the funeral to pay for, and his father would stop wasting money on him.

Lovino felt a bit sick as he lay down. He closed his eyes, trying to empty his thoughts. The faces of Feliks, Marcello and Feliciano flashed through his mind. The only people that might have cared about his death. But they would be able to move past it. They would soon forget about him.

Before he drifted away, he could feel the tears roll down his cheeks. He would soon see his mother. He would leave this hell.

…

Feliciano timidly knocked on Lovino's door. He'd found out what had happened between his father and brothers. He told his father that Marcello had been a bit harsh, but he was right: Romulus _shouldn't_ have spoken to Lovino like that.

He had waited for a while to allow his brother to cool down, and decided that it was time to have a word with him.

"Lovino?" Feliciano called out. "Can I come in?"

There was no answer, but Feliciano didn't let that stop him. He opened the door, seeing that Lovino was asleep. That would explain the lack of response.

He felt a bit guilty for disturbing his brother's sleep, but he wanted to speak to him. He needed to make his brother understand that his father didn't mean it, and that Lovino was loved.

"Fratello?" Feliciano prompted, shaking his brother's shoulder.

Lovino remained asleep, and after a minute of trying, Feliciano gave up. His brother must have been very tired, and needed his sleep. He automatically turned in the direction of the bedside cabinet. He saw the bottle of pills, and the seal was next to it. Lovino must have taken the new bottle then. Feliciano would take it back.

The moment he took the bottle into his hands, however, he frowned. Something was wrong. The bottle was empty. Was he wrong about it being the new bottle? But, the seal was there…

Slowly, a possibility dawned on him, and he turned back to regard his brother. Now that he was looking carefully, he could see that Lovino was _very_ pale. And his breathing was… wrong. It was too deep. Too fast.

Realisation dawned on him, and he dropped the bottle as he furiously started to shake his brother. Lovino also felt hot, but it was better than him feeling cold.

"Wake up…" Feliciano muttered. "Please, fratello."

When he realised that it was hopeless, Feliciano started to panic.

"PAPA!" he shouted. "COME HELP!"

He continued to shake his brother, hoping that he would wake up. He could hear his father's rapid footsteps ascending the stairs, as well as his younger brother's. He heard Marcello gasp at the doorway.

"What's going on?" Marcello asked.

Feliciano didn't immediately answer. Tears were streaming down his face, and he was fighting back his sobs. He heard his father stop at the door and turned towards them.

"I think Lovino swallowed the entire bottle," he said. "He won't wake up."

Marcello gasped, and Romulus strode in, his face grim. Feliciano moved aside as Romulus crouched down next to Lovino, pulling the trash can closer. Feliciano saw their father push several of his fingers down Lovino's throat. Only when it became clear that Lovino wasn't going to vomit up the pills did Romulus's face become panicked.

"We need to take him to the hospital," Romulus said as he picked Lovino up. "Feli, grab the bottle. They might need it."

Feliciano nodded, and he and Marcello rushed to help as much as they could. In less than a minute, they were all on their way to the hospital, hoping that they had enough time.

…

Romulus was sitting in the waiting room with his two younger sons. They'd already been there for three hours. How long could it take to pump someone's stomach?

Marcello sat further away, and Romulus could practically feel the anger radiating off his youngest son's body. He clearly remembered what Marcello had said earlier: that if his actions resulted in the loss of Lovino, then he would never forgive him.

Minutes after that, Feliciano had screamed, and said that Lovino had swallowed a bottle of pills.

Did Marcello know something? Or was he just more aware of the effect that Romulus's words could have on Lovino? But… It couldn't have been the reason why Lovino decided to try to commit suicide. He was stronger than that. He was always stronger than Feliciano and Marcello.

He was so much like Chiara.

Doctors came and went, but none approached them. None came to share news about his eldest son. Did something happen? Were they fighting for Lovino's life? Was it too late?

"…Vargas?"

Romulus jerked when he heard his surname, and the three looked up. A dark-haired doctor with cool blue eyes and glasses was standing in front of them. He had a very harsh expression on his face.

"Y-yes," Romulus stuttered, before he stood. "How's my son doing?"

The doctor scrutinised him for a moment before he sighed.

"Come with me to my office," he said. "There is a lot to discuss."

Romulus felt his stomach drop, but he followed after the doctor. Feliciano and Marcello followed as well, and considering the fact that the doctor made no move to stop them, they assumed that it was alright. The doctor led them to an office, and Romulus only had enough time to notice the complicated name of the doctor before following inside. Marcello closed the door behind them, and they sat down across from the doctor.

"What's happening to Lovino?" Romulus asked. "Does it really take so long to pump someone's stomach?"

"Gastric lavage doesn't usually take so long," the doctor said, "but there were other complications that arose. The amount of pills your son drank, his weight, the contents of his stomach… And that's not even taking into account the _other_ problems with his physical state."

Romulus felt his stomach drop.

"What other problems?" he asked.

The doctor arched an eyebrow.

"You arrive with a teenager who tried to commit suicide, whose face is bruised and bloody, and you ask me what other problems?" the doctor asked sarcastically. "We needed to see what else was damaged."

Romulus grimaced. In all the excitement, he forgot about the fight that Lovino had landed himself in, and the injuries he must have sustained.

"Sorry about that," Romulus said. "I'm afraid my son is a bit of a delinquent. He's always getting into fights."

The doctor narrowed his eyes. Romulus had the feeling that he didn't believe him. Then again, Lovino _did _look as though he was in a bad state.

"So, you're saying that your son is prone to getting into fistfights?" the doctor asked.

Romulus nodded his head. For some reason, his mouth was going dry.

"…There are a few _logical_ problems with that statement," the doctor said. "First of all, we did a _thorough_ check to make sure that he's alright. We also looked at his hands. You see, the hands _also_ sustain damage when they are used to hit another person. Bruising is very common. One can usually tell when someone often uses their fists. Your son _lacks_ these signs."

Romulus's eyes widened.

"What exactly are you trying to say?" Romulus asked.

"If your son really _does_ have a tendency to engage in fistfights," the doctor said, "then he doesn't throw any punches. Tell me, how many fistfights have you seen where fists aren't involved?"

Romulus didn't have an answer for that.

"There's also another problem, when you think about it logically," the doctor continued. "His injuries are fairly recent, or, at least, _some_ of them are. I'd say some of those injuries are all from today. But there are two _important_ exceptions."

Marcello gasped, and the others turned to him. Marcello lowered his head, trying to avoid their gazes.

"Two days ago… Lovino's wrist was sprained," Marcello said weakly. "And he's been limping for a few days now. He tried to hide it, but…"

Romulus simply stared at his son. A sprained wrist? But… That would mean…

"His _ankle_ is sprained," the doctor clarified. "And it doesn't seem as though he's been taking it easy. The damage has extended up to his knee, and I'd say that most of his lower leg would be in a lot of pain. I'm not sure when the injury took place, but I'd say that it's several days at the very least."

Romulus felt a cold weight settle in his stomach. This afternoon, Lovino _walked_ home. He'd said a long time ago that he wouldn't drive him back after detention. It was his way of punishing him. But if Lovino chose to walk with a sprained ankle… And it also wasn't the only time that week.

Guilt held Romulus's heart in a vice-like grip. He was at least partially responsible for his son's pain.

"His _wrist_, on the other hand," the doctor continued, "is _broken_. Based on the break, I'd say that someone _crushed_ the wrist. So, again, it wasn't from a hard punch. And those two injuries make it impossible for your son to have been in a fight today. Or, at the very least, it would have made it impossible for him to fight back. Your son wasn't in a fight, Mr Vargas. He was assaulted. And you can imagine how it would seem to us."

Romulus understood, and the cold look from the doctor made a lot of sense.

"I… I would never do that to _any_ of my sons," Romulus said. "I…"

"Lovino's being bullied!"

Everyone turned to Marcello again, who bit his lip.

"I never noticed before, but I've been paying close attention lately," Marcello clarified. "The other day, he got detention for fighting, but he didn't do _anything_. He didn't even defend himself. He didn't even _say_ anything. And… the teacher who gave the detention wouldn't listen to me. Lovino got blamed for something he didn't even do. He didn't do _anything_."

Romulus felt his heart break when he saw the expression on his son's face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Romulus asked.

"I _did_," Marcello said, fixing a glare on his father. "_You_ said that Lovino has to learn to accept responsibility for his actions."

Romulus felt as though he was slapped. He could understand why his son was so angry with him lately.

"…You may not be abusive," the doctor said, "but I'd say you're a bit negligent. And I'm a bit surprised that it took him so long to attempt suicide. His body is covered in self-harm scars, and many of those scars appear to be a few years old. I've never seen anything like it."

"…If you thought I was abusing my son," Romulus said, realising something, "why are you telling me all this?"

The doctor's mouth twitched.

"I was wondering if you'd be curious," he said. "I already knew about a great deal of the situation. I believe you've met my son, Feliks."

**I had to look up the symptoms of an aspirin overdose, so I hoped I did it justice. I also have no idea how long everything would take, so I took a few liberties.**

**The doctor is supposed to be 2PPoland, but when I thought of a stern doctor, I couldn't get Silvan from Love Tangle out of my mind. Which is why he ended up having glasses.**

**And yeah, in reality the hospital would assume that Romulus is being abusive.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks to Senii, SparklyMagix, Carina Sicily, MonalisaRomano17, and for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 20**

The three Italians stared at the doctor for a long moment.

"What?" Romulus asked.

"Feliks told us a bit about Lovino," the doctor said. "About how Lovino is bullied in school, and how everyone is under the impression that Lovino is some sort of bullying delinquent. And my wife has met your son as well. He's quiet and considerate, according to her."

Romulus remembered his encounter with the Polish woman earlier that week, and the words she said. It was the first time he'd heard anything positive about his eldest son. And it pained him that near-strangers seemed to know his son better than he did.

"…I can also sympathise with you," the doctor continued, sighing. At that moment, he didn't look like a doctor. He looked like a father. "A while back, Feliks attempted suicide as well. It's why we moved. And I suppose that's why Feliks decided to befriend Lovino. Since he has personal experience with depression, he managed to pick up on the fact that Lovino needed help."

Romulus closed his eyes. Of course, the doctor had gone through the same thing that Romulus was going through now.

"Feliks wasn't at school today," Feliciano said, speaking for the first time since their arrival in the office. "Is he sick?"

"There's a stomach-bug going around, and Feliks seems to have caught it," the doctor explained. "It's only 24 hours, and the last time I checked in, he seems to be doing better. I'm not looking forward to telling him about his friend."

"…You told us about the previous injuries that Lovino sustained," Romulus said. "Why he couldn't have been in a fight. But… Is there anything from today that I should be worried about?"

The doctor nodded his head, growing professional again.

"A lot of bruising and internal bleeding," he said. "A broken nose, and five broken ribs, while three more are fractured. But it's not the most concerning thing about Lovino's physical state. Like I said, there were complications."

"Such as?" Romulus prompted.

"…He overdosed on aspirin, correct? The thing about that medicine is that it irritates the stomach lining when taken on an empty stomach. Lovino should have grown nauseous and vomited it before he could have lost consciousness. The fact that he didn't is concerning. The dosage and his weight also worked against him. Your son is just shy of being underweight, and it looks like he's lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. Have you noticed a change in appetite?"

Romulus nodded mutely.

"He's been eating less at breakfast," he said. "And sometimes he would completely miss dinner. But he's supposed to get lunch at school."

"Lovino doesn't go to lunch," Feliciano said.

Romulus turned to Feliciano with a start. Then… what did he pay the lunch fee for?

The moment he thought it, he immediately felt guilty. His son had been starving himself, and he'd been thinking about the fee he paid.

"His weight and the number of pills he ingested made things more dangerous for him," the doctor explained. "Not only did we have to keep him alive, we had to prevent him from slipping into a coma. Combined with the concussion he received – which is another thing that concerned us – it would have been _very_ dangerous for him. None of us wanted that."

Romulus felt his mouth go dry. To hear how injured Lovino had been… and Romulus had been content to leave him just like that.

"And now?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"He's stable," the doctor said, and the three Italians sighed in relief. "However, he has yet to wake up. We don't know when it would be, but it's a regular state of unconsciousness, and not a coma."

"Thank you," Romulus sighed in relief.

"After waking up, he would need to remain at least four days in the hospital under suicide watch. We also need to do a complete psychiatric evaluation. We need to establish whether or not his weight is the result of an eating disorder or a side-effect of his depression."

"How long would it have to be for it to be classified as an eating disorder?" Romulus asked.

"Six weeks minimum is the optimal timeframe."

"I don't think it's an eating disorder," Feliciano said, cocking his head to the side. "Lovino was eating fine two weeks ago."

"There's also the possibility that it's at the beginning phase of the disorder. Like I said, we just need to make sure."

"Is it really so important to know that?" Marcello asked.

"If he _does_ have an eating disorder, then it's an additional psychological issue, and treatment would be necessary. He would already need to see a therapist, at the very least."

"Of course," Romulus said, nodding his head. "Anything that could help him."

"…There's no telling what he would be like when he wakes up. We can't tell whether or not it's something he did out of spontaneity, or if it's something he's been contemplating for a while. We don't know how desperate he is to die, and how he might react."

Romulus swallowed nervously, before he nodded.

"…Can we see him?" Feliciano asked.

"Of course," the doctor said, before he stood up. "Come, I'll take you to his room."

They obediently followed after the doctor, and after a few minutes of navigating the hallways, they arrived at a room, empty save for a hospital bed and its occupant.

Romulus felt a jolt when he saw his son. His head was bandaged, reminding him that he'd had a concussion. His skin was almost as white as the bandage, and it only made the bruises stand out more. The nose was cleaned, so the dried blood was no longer visible. Lovino's right hand was in a cast, and Romulus realised that it was for the broken wrist. The sprained ankle was in a splint and slightly elevated.

Romulus felt a horrible sense of déjà vu. Ten years ago, this was how he first saw Lovino after the accident, except the injuries were reflected. Ten years ago, it was the left arm and the right leg.

But there was more.

They had given Lovino a hospital gown, and for the first time, Romulus could clearly see the scars. The doctor wasn't exaggerating. He knew that it was usually only done on the inside of the forearms, but the outside had several cuts as well. Red, pink and white lines criss-crossed his son's skin, and it also went up to the upper arm. Lovino had really hurt himself. But the bruises he saw around and over the scars reminded him that other people had harmed Lovino as well. But asides from the wounds, Romulus could also see how thin Lovino was. He should have known when he felt how light Lovino was. Even though he wasn't thin enough to be seen as sickly, it was still too thin.

"Why's Lovino's hand tied to the bed?" Feliciano asked.

At that moment, Romulus grew aware of the handcuff connecting his son's uninjured wrist to the hospital bed. The doctor sighed.

"It's unfortunately protocol for suicide watch," he explained. "We don't know how desperate he is yet, but based on the self-harm injuries, we're going to say he's _very_ desperate. This is just to keep him from wandering around and looking for something with which to harm himself. Even if he's not going to attempt killing himself, he might still attempt to injure himself."

Romulus swallowed the lump in his throat. He was growing more and more aware of how little he knew his son. He never could have imagined that Lovino would be willing to do all of _this_ to himself.

"If there are no more questions, then I'll leave you," the doctor announced. "My own son might want to hear about his friend. If you need anything, the button to contact the nurse's station is on that remote."

Romulus nodded his head.

"Thank you for everything," he said.

The doctor nodded, one father to another, before he left the room. The three searched for chairs, and took their positions around Lovino's bed. They would wait as long as they were allowed to for Lovino to wake up, each of them hoping that it would be soon.

…

Feliks was with his mother in the living room, watching TV on the couch. He had been feeling horrible all day, but about three hours ago it seemed as though he was doing better. He didn't want to be in his room any longer, and so he and his mother were watching TV together.

He felt a bit guilty over the fact that she had taken time off work in order to take care of him – especially jarring considering the fact that his _father_ was the doctor. But she just smiled and told him that he was more important.

Their time was interrupted by the shrill sound of Felicja's phone. She sighed, grabbing it, before answering.

"Feliks is doing better," she immediately said.

Based on her words, Feliks realised that it was his father calling her. He turned his attention back to the TV, and only when she let out a startled 'What?' did he turn back to her.

She had a horrified expression on her face, and Feliks couldn't help but wonder what could have caused it. He tried to make out his father's words on the other end, but they were unclear. Eventually, Felicja turned to him and handed him the phone.

"Your father has some important news for you," she said.

Feeling his stomach drop at those words, he quickly placed the phone to his ear.

"Hey," he greeted weekly. "Like, what's going on?"

"I just received a patient who attempted suicide," his father explained. "It's Lovino."

Feliks's eyes widened, and he felt a cold knot in his chest.

"Like, are you sure?" he asked fearfully.

"Lovino Vargas, age 16," his father clarified. "Lives with his father and two brothers."

"Oh god…" Feliks whimpered.

He had hoped that Lovino was doing better. That he wouldn't have been… But no. There were hints that death wasn't far from Lovino's mind. Feliks should have taken better care of him. He should have… He should have told Lovino the previous day about his plans to get the tickets.

"Is he okay?" Feliks demanded.

"He's stable," his father said. "There's no longer a risk of him slipping away. We're still waiting for him to wake up."

Feliks sighed in relief.

"That's good," he said. "Do you think… I can come see him?"

"Normally, it would only be close family allowed," his father said. "But… I think I can pull some strings."

"Thanks."

Feliks ended the call, before turning to his mom.

"Like, do you think you could take me to the hospital?" he asked.

"Of course," Felicja said. "As soon as you get dressed."

Feliks nodded, before dashing off to his room. He needed to see that his friend was okay.

…

Lovino was floating in a cloud of darkness. At first, it was comforting. If it was what death was like, then it wasn't so bad. His eyes were too heavy, and felt as though a veil was draped over them.

But then the pain hit him.

It felt as though his body was on fire. Perhaps it was hell. Well, he certainly deserved it. It was just a shame that he couldn't see his mother. But no hell could have been worse than the hell that he had been living.

But then the scent reached him.

It smelled sharp and… and… like a _hospital_. Once he realised it, he started to panic. Was he still alive? If so… how? And why? Why… why couldn't he just be dead? Who was the insensitive idiot who stopped him?

"_Papa, I'm getting hungry."_

The voice… he recognised it. It was Feliciano's voice. Feliciano was _there_. And so was their father. The last person that he wanted to see. The last person that wanted to see him.

He didn't want to see how disappointed he would be when he realised that Lovino was alive. So… _why_ was he still alive? It was the perfect opportunity. Or… was it because neither Feliciano nor Marcello wanted Lovino to die? Was he only alive because one of his brothers wanted him to be?

…Yes. That was the explanation that made the most amount of sense. If not for his brothers, then their father would have been happier to let him die. And it was guaranteed that, sooner or later, their father would have a remark about it. Would remind him that the only reason why he was alive was because of his brothers.

It wasn't fair! What had he done to earn so much hatred? And why did he have to continue through this hell? Wasn't the universe satisfied with his suffering yet? Whatever crime he'd committed in a previous life, _surely_ he'd atoned for it by now? He could escape this hell. He could see his mother again. He could be in the arms of the only person who'd actually loved him again.

He tried to pretend that he was still asleep. If he could only convince them, then they could leave. They didn't have to pretend. Lovino didn't have to see their lie. However… As the reality of the situation dawned on him, he couldn't help the tears sliding down his cheeks. He only hoped that none of them would notice. Then again, they never noticed anything before. Surely, he could get away with it now.

"…Lovino's crying," Marcello's voice said.

"Lovino?" his father said. "Are you awake?"

He knew that he couldn't pretend anymore. He didn't want to know what his father would say when he continued. And so, reluctantly, he opened his eyes, seeing his father and two brothers through blurry eyes.

"Why am I still alive?" he whispered.

The other three appeared to be relieved when he said those words. He'd failed. Why were they relieved?

"Feliciano came to talk to you, and when you wouldn't wake up, he knew something was wrong," Romulus explained. "We saw the bottle of pills and rushed you to the hospital."

Lovino shook his head. That explained the _how_. What he wanted to know was _why_.

"I didn't ask _how_," he said. "I asked _why_."

The other three looked a bit uncomfortable now.

"Lovino… we weren't going to let you die," Romulus said. "We love you. We don't…"

"You _love_ me?" Lovino repeated incredulously. "Since _when_?"

The words had slipped out, but he wasn't in the mood to be lied to. Romulus flinched, Marcello leaned back in his chair, and Feliciano's face fell.

"We're your family," Romulus said. "Of _course_ we love you. You shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise. And you shouldn't kill yourself."

Lovino snorted at that.

"Hypocrites belong to the eighth circle of hell," he spat out.

Romulus blinked a bit at that.

"…If this is about what I said earlier, I'm sorry," Romulus said. "I was just angry, and I said something I didn't mean."

Lovino faltered slightly when he heard his father apologise to him. It had never happened before, and even if it wasn't sincere, it was still an oddity. However, his anger at the situation did not wane.

"I'm not surprised you don't remember," Lovino spat. "It wasn't something that involved Feliciano or Marcello, so it wasn't important to you. But do you remember the time I ran away to the cemetery after the accident?"

Feliciano and Marcello flinched, and his father looked torn between anger and confusion.

"Si, I remember it," he said weakly.

"And did you _ever_ stop to wonder why a six-year-old would run away to a graveyard a week after removing a cast from his leg and arm?" Lovino asked.

Romulus hesitated, and it was clear that he _hadn't_ spared it a thought.

"You keep calling me insensitive," Lovino said. "You keep telling me that I should think about other people. And I _did_. I _knew_ that you were sad after Mama's death, and I wanted to try to comfort you. I knew that you were always happy when Marcello or Feliciano wanted to spend time with you, and I decided that I'd try the same. I took the book that Mama gave me – the one the two of us always read from together – and I asked you to read for me, like Mama used to. But the moment I mentioned her… You yelled at me. You told me that I shouldn't talk about her. That it's _my_ fault that she's dead. And…" he sobbed at this, and took a deep breath to steady himself. "And you told me that it should have been me. You were the first person that told me that I should be dead. And you're the last person that can say that I shouldn't kill myself."

His father looked as though he was slapped. Feliciano and Marcello had horrified expressions on their faces, and it looked as though Marcello was trying to hold in his anger.

"I tried to tell myself that you were just upset," Lovino continued. "That you didn't mean what you said. But… You never apologised. I was waiting for the apology when you took me home. I was waiting for an apology for the next _week_. And then I realised that it wouldn't come. And you know what the worst part was? You turned Mama into a liar. She tried to tell me that you didn't hate me."

Lovino tried to sit up, not liking the fact that he was lying down, but he grew aware of the fact that it was difficult. He looked down at his left wrist and saw the handcuff. And he also saw that his arm was revealed.

"What?" he whispered, tugging on the handcuff.

"It's standard procedure for suicide watch," his father quickly explained. "This is to keep you from hurting yourself. And, Lovino… Why didn't you tell me that you're being bullied?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks to LassRonan0020, Carina Sicily, and an anon for reviewing. We've passed the 50-review mark. Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 21**

Words could not describe how guilty Romulus was feeling at the moment. He would have dismissed Lovino's words as attention-seeking, or that he was lying. But… there was a note of familiarity. As he said it, a picture of the six-year-old Lovino popped in his mind, holding a book. And he could see the child's face fall. He remembered the almost scared look that Lovino had given him when he fetched him from the cemetery. It suddenly made sense. Lovino was scared of what he would do. He was scared… because Romulus had essentially told him that he'd wished he was dead.

And the part about Romulus turning Chiara into a liar… About her trying to convince Lovino that Romulus didn't hate him… It reminded him of the last serious conversation he'd had with his wife.

"_You need to spend more time with Lovino."_

_Romulus looked up from his book to look at his wife, who was sitting at the vanity table and brushing her hair._

"_What do you mean?" he asked._

"_Lovino's under the impression that you hate him," Chiara said, turning to face him. "You always spend time with Feliciano or Marcello. When was the last time you made time for Lovino?"_

_Romulus grew silent. When _was_ the last time he spent time with his eldest son? He felt guilty when he realised that he couldn't provide an answer to the question._

"_You have that doctor's appointment tomorrow, right?" Romulus asked._

_Chiara nodded her head._

"_Then, why don't I take Lovino out for ice-cream when you're finished?" Romulus suggested. "Just the two of us?"_

_Chiara smiled._

"_That sounds like a good start," she said._

"_Do you mind keeping it as a surprise?" Romulus asked._

"_Of course."_

He realised with a start that he'd never taken Lovino for that ice-cream. Ever. There was the accident. Lovino being in the hospital, and Chiara dying. A funeral to arrange. Romulus trying to cope without his wife. Lovino's behavioural…

Hold on. How many of Lovino's problems were actually _his_ problems? He would often get into fights, even at such a young age. But how many of those were fights, and how many of those were Lovino being bullied? Did the bullying really go back that far?

Lovino gave him an incredulous look in response to his question regarding the bullying.

"I _did_," Lovino said. "Three times directly, and one time indirectly. The indirect one was me asking if I should make friends with the cranky kid in class that everyone picks on. You told me that someone like that has a bad attitude, and that there's a reason why everyone picks on him, and that he's not worth my friendship. _I_ was the kid, and you basically told me that everyone picked on me for a good reason, and that I wasn't worth friendship. I was _nine_."

Romulus actually felt nauseous when he heard that, and he was aware of the glare that Marcello shot him.

"The first time I tried the direct approach was when I was eleven," Lovino continued. "You told me that I'm looking for sympathy, and that I don't want to accept responsibility for the way I treat other people. That I should expect to be treated the same way I treat them. I tried to _stay away_ from the others. That's what I'm _still_ trying to do."

Romulus flinched at those words.

"The second time was when I was twelve," Lovino continued. "You told me to stop playing the victim. That _I'm_ the one who's the bully. And the last time was when I was thirteen. You told me that I needed to get a reality check. That it might do me good to have others give me a taste of my own medicine, then maybe my ego could shrink down to a decent size, and that it might just be what I need to learn my place."

Romulus shrank back as he heard those words. His son was watching him with angry tears in his eyes.

"And do you know what the worst part was about that last one?" Lovino asked. "After that conversation was the first time I cut myself." He looked down at his left arm. "I wasn't even wearing a long-sleeved shirt. My arms were clear to see, but you didn't see anything. _None_ of you did. I had about ten scars on both my arms, but none of you saw anything. Feliciano got a papercut, and _everyone_ was focused on that."

Feliciano shrank back at that. Romulus wanted to scold Lovino for causing that, but he couldn't find it in himself to do so. Looking at Lovino's arms reminded him that it was a bad idea to interrupt him. And he also realised that it wasn't a direct attack against Feliciano. It was an attack against _Romulus_. One that he deserved. And Lovino was right. Romulus often noticed when Marcello or Feliciano got injured, but… Lovino was injured so often that he stopped noticing. It was something that he _should_ have noticed.

"F-fratello," Feliciano said meekly. "Did… Did I do something to hurt you?"

Lovino turned his gaze to Feliciano, and the expression was still angry.

"Asides from telling the three assholes what my name means," Lovino said, "and thinking that they're nice people, you did absolutely fucking _nothing_. Nothing at all. You did nothing about those rumours – those _lies_. You didn't even _try_ to defend me. You didn't do anything when you saw those three would harass me. And you'd tell padre that I got into fights. You listen to the stories everyone else tells about me instead of asking _me_ about what happened. You _let_ them hurt me!"

Feliciano shrank back, and Marcello looked uncomfortable.

"…I did that too," Marcello whispered. "Fratellone, I'm _really_ sorry about it. And about… being afraid of you."

Lovino turned his gaze to Marcello, and though his expression softened a bit, it was still harsh.

"They used your fear against me," he said quietly. "They used it as proof that I'm 'bullying' you. They used it to make people hate me even more."

Marcello flinched when he heard that.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I… I can't even remember why… But, I know it's no excuse."

Lovino just sighed and leaned back on the pillows. Romulus could see that Lovino was getting tired. And how tiring would the release of this emotional weight be?

"…Vino?"

They were all startled by the voice calling out from the doorway, and as a unit, they turned to the speaker. Romulus easily recognised Feliks, looking a bit pale, but eyes fixed on Lovino.

"Feliks?" Lovino asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Like, my dad's your doctor," Feliks explained, before he took a step inside the room. "I thought you were doing better. Like, I_ hoped_ that you were doing better."

Romulus turned back to his son, seeing that the younger Italian had averted his eyes.

"I told you that you were just wasting your time," he muttered.

"Like, if you succeeded, then I _would_ have," Feliks exclaimed, stalking closer. Romulus and his other sons stood from their chairs and moved aside. "If you succeeded, then I would have totally wasted my time," he repeated. "And, like, my dad would have wasted his money."

Romulus felt the instinct to scold his son, except now wasn't the time, and Lovino looked confused.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Like, I was _going_ to tell you at school today, but, like, I got sick, so I couldn't," Feliks explained. "Like, there's a production of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ in a few weeks, and, like, I asked my parents to get us tickets."

"I actually have to thank you for that one."

Romulus turned to the doorway again to see Feliks's parents standing there. Feliks's mother was the one that spoke.

"What?" Lovino asked, completely baffled.

"You managed to get my son interested in Shakespeare," Feliks's mother explained, walking closer. "How are you feeling?"

"Like crap," Lovino said deadpan.

Romulus opened his mouth, but Feliks's mother only giggled when she heard Lovino swear.

"I guess that's a good description," she said, her eyes scanning his figure, and her smile falling. "I guess it's safe to say that you wouldn't be coming for dinner tomorrow."

Lovino flinched when he heard that, and he turned away again.

The rattling of the handcuff caught Romulus's attention, and he turned his gaze to the cuff. Lovino's arm was shaking, and he wondered what his son was thinking with the movement.

"You like Shakespeare?" Romulus asked.

"Si," Feliciano supplied, turning to his father. "Ve, Lovi likes it if…"

"Don't call me that!" Lovino snapped.

The rattling seemed to get louder.

"Why?" Romulus asked. "What do you have against that nickname?"

"Because it's what _they_ call me when they're…" Lovino started, before cutting himself off.

Romulus widened his eyes in realisation. Lovino came to associate the nickname with impending pain and torment. What was meant to be an affectionate nickname turned into a beacon of torture.

There was an awkward silence as everyone absorbed the information, with the rattling of the handcuff the only sound.

"Sorry," Feliciano said meekly.

"Excuse me," the doctor said, walking closer. "Hello, Lovino. I'm Doctor Fryderyk Łukasiewicz. Do you mind if I do a quick check?"

Lovino looked at the doctor timidly, but nodded his head. Fryderyk shone a light in Lovino's eyes, and the fact that Lovino didn't flinch from the light told Romulus that something was wrong.

There was also the rattling. Romulus wanted to tell Lovino to stop, but…

"Is it the first time that this has happened?" the doctor asked.

Lovino looked confused for a moment, and the doctor lightly touched his shoulder. That was when Romulus noticed that both shoulders were shaking as well. And the arm with the cast… he could tell that Lovino was _trying_ to hold it still, but there were still little vibrations. Lovino shook his head, and the doctor turned to Romulus.

"Does he have a medical condition I should know about?" he asked.

Romulus didn't know how to answer. Lovino was never diagnosed with something, but…

"H-he had a seizure the other day," Marcello supplied weakly.

Romulus whipped his attention back to his youngest son. A _seizure_?!

"Why wasn't I informed of this?" he demanded, his worry shining through.

Marcello flinched.

"Lovino didn't want me to tell you," he said. "He said… that it's what killed Mama."

Romulus froze. He slowly turned to Lovino with wide eyes, and he could see that his son was avoiding his gaze. The shaking had evolved into full-on jerking.

"The day of the accident," Romulus said quietly. "You were on your way to the hospital… to get some tests done…"

And with the accident and everything, it never came up. Had Lovino been suffering from something serious for ten years, and Romulus never noticed?

"I don't think it's epilepsy…" the doctor muttered. "Still, I'd like to run some tests now. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you'll have to come back tomorrow."

Romulus nodded his head, before looking at his son one more time. Even though Lovino was looking away, he could see that tears were carving their paths down his cheeks. How long had it been since he last saw Lovino cry?

But just because he hadn't _seen_ Lovino cry didn't mean that he _didn't_ cry.

"We'll come by again tomorrow," Romulus said, before guiding his other two sons out.

"Marcello," Lovino suddenly called out, and they paused. "Green."

Marcello blinked in confusion, before something seemed to click. He smiled and nodded, before they left the room. Feliks and his mother followed, and Romulus turned to them.

"Thank you," he said softly. "You've helped my son more than I did."

Feliks shrank back, and his mother pursed her lips.

"The next few weeks will be _very_ difficult," she said, wrapping an arm around her son. "His self-esteem is very low, and he doesn't see the value in himself. You need to show him that he's loved. Whatever you do, _do not_ let things go back to normal. You need to create a new normal, or else next time you'll be visiting him in the morgue."

Romulus's throat tightened when he heard those words. He knew that it was the truth. If things didn't change, then Lovino could try again. And next time, he might be successful.

"Thanks for the warning," he said quietly.

She nodded curtly, before leading Feliks away. Romulus turned to his other two sons.

"What do you say we stop for pizza before we go home?" he suggested.

Feliciano bit his lip and nodded, while Marcello didn't react at all. Romulus understood that Marcello was angry at him, and for good reason. Marcello was aware of what Lovino was going through, and had seen how Romulus only made things worse. The events of that very afternoon immediately came to mind.

They didn't say anything as they made their way to the exit.

Romulus drove towards a pizzeria that they occasionally went to. The owner was also Italian, so they knew that the food's quality was on par. The only reason why they didn't frequent it more often was because Feliciano and Romulus enjoyed cooking too much. But neither was in the mood that night.

They placed their orders and waited. None of them knew what to say to each other. All of them were thinking of the family member they'd left behind at the hospital. A day before the anniversary of another family member's death.

"Is everything okay?"

They looked up to see the owner. It wasn't too unusual for him to come to check on his patrons, so Romulus only nodded his head.

"Si," he said. "We're fine."

Unlike usual, the man didn't immediately leave, but hesitated.

"…Where's Lovino?" he asked.

Romulus was startled. They didn't come often enough for the staff to know their names.

"H-how do you know Lovino?" he asked.

A complicated expression rose on the man's face.

"He comes here occasionally," the man said. "But he hasn't been here for a month. Is he alright?"

Romulus couldn't say anything. He didn't know _what_ to say.

"Lovino is in the hospital," Feliciano said. "He… He tried to kill himself."

Romulus winced when Feliciano said it. It was a bit unnecessary, and the restaurant owner widened his eyes with a gasp. Romulus looked away, and he noticed that the rest of the staff were also looking in their direction, and they all looked horrified.

"…I guess that's why he wasn't interested in the job," the owner said.

"What do you mean?" Romulus asked.

"A few months ago, I offered him a part-time job as a waiter. He wasn't interested. He said that he didn't want to disappoint me. But he failed?"

Romulus nodded his head. There was a collective sigh of relief around the restaurant.

"Eating the hospital's food would be too cruel," the owner said. "You're visiting him tomorrow, si? Why don't you come by and I'll prepare a pizza for him? His favourite, free of charge."

Romulus was shocked, but he nodded his head. He didn't even know what his son's favourite pizza was.

As soon as the owner left, the three of them lapsed into silence. It would seem that this day was dedicated to showing that Romulus was a horrible father. He could list off just about anything of his younger two sons, and he hoped that they weren't keeping any secrets from him. But he could say nothing of his eldest son. Not even something as simple as the boy's favourite colour.

Romulus had always apologised for Lovino. He had often said that he didn't know what went wrong. Now he knew. He knew that _he_ was the reason why it went wrong. Because he wasn't _there_ for his son. Because he always believed the words of other people, instead of his son's words. Because he never bothered to get to know Lovino. Because he made his son believe that he hated him.

None of them said anything to each other, not even when they returned home. Feliciano and Marcello went their separate ways, and Romulus hesitated at the front door. He was trying to decide what to do.

He finally decided on a course, and made his way to his office. He closed the door behind him, before going to the shelves against the wall. At the top shelf were three boxes, one for each of his sons. He retrieved Lovino's box and immediately felt a jolt.

It was very light.

He opened the box, and his suspicions were confirmed. There was little in the box. These were meant to be a record of Lovino's childhood. And there was almost nothing in it.

Romulus's hand trembled as he removed one of the objects inside. It was a photo of Chiara holding a baby Lovino. He knew that there was a matching one with Feliciano in the younger twin's own box. Chiara was the one that insisted on keeping the boxes, and having a record of how the boys grew up. And she insisted on starting at their tiniest.

There was also one with Romulus, and a few more for the following years. But then they just… stopped. It became clear to him that they hadn't continued the tradition after Lovino turned six.

But the tradition had continued with Marcello and Feliciano.

There were a few other things, mostly related to when Lovino was a baby. And there was a letter. Romulus picked it up, and he recognised it as a letter from their kindergarten teacher.

_Lovino is such a gentleman. He's shy and timid, but he doesn't let the others bully him. He's also very kind to girls. I know that he will grow up to be quite a popular boy. He's also quite smart. He seems especially skilled with languages._

There was more, but this passage struck him. _He doesn't let the others bully him_. But others had. Romulus himself had allowed it to happen.


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks to Scarllett83, Carina Sicily and for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 22**

When he could no longer look at the few contents of Lovino's memento box, he placed the box in its proper place and stumbled out of the office. He felt horrified at himself. He never realised how little he cared for his eldest son.

Romulus looked up at the ceiling, before making his way to the stairs. He knew that he was causing himself a lot of pain, but… He couldn't ignore anything about Lovino. Not anymore. He'd done it for too long, and now his son was in the hospital, with the desire to end his life.

He hesitated at Lovino's bedroom door. He knew that he was invading his son's privacy, but he needed to _know_. He knew that he needed to know exactly what was wrong in his son's life. He was just concerned. And he wanted to get to know his son.

He felt sick that he hadn't done it before.

He entered the room and froze in shock. He'd come by many times before. He'd come to chase Lovino out of bed those times. And Lovino was the one that cleaned his room, so Romulus never really had a reason to be in there. But now was probably the first time that he actually _saw_ the room. _Felt_ it.

It didn't feel like his son's room. It felt like a guest room.

Romulus swallowed nervously. He first turned his attention to the walls. It was painted in the same colour it had been when Lovino was given his own room as a toddler. Marcello's and Feliciano's rooms had been repainted according to their preferences, but Lovino's hadn't changed at all. There wasn't even a single photograph or picture on any of the walls. Not a mirror, not a shelf. _Nothing_.

The room itself was actually very neat, with only a thin layer of dust. Lovino hadn't cleaned in the last two weeks. But all things considered, he might not have had the energy.

Romulus turned his attention to the desk. It was also neat, with the only exception being the three books on the surface, and a hastily-scribbled note on top of the books. Fearing that it was Lovino's intended suicide note, he carefully picked it up.

_In case anyone cares about why I did it… These books are all the bad things that everyone's told me for the last ten years._

Romulus felt a jolt of shock. Lovino… why would he even _write_ anything like this? He turned his attention to the first book, and opened it to the first page.

_Don't you dare talk about her! You don't deserve to mention her! It's your fault she's dead! It should have been you instead!_

Romulus almost sobbed when he read those words. There were a few spelling errors, and the writing was still that of a child, but the meaning was clear. And even though Lovino didn't write the speaker's identity, it was almost exactly the same thing Lovino had told Romulus that _he_ had said to him when he was still six years old.

Romulus scanned the next few pages, recognising the things he said simply by the tone of the words, and even the words themselves. And he could see the things that other children had said to Lovino as well.

He went through a few pages, and the things said to a little boy horrified him. Closing the book, he decided that it would be best to see all of the things recently said to Lovino. So he grabbed the third book and opened to the last written section.

_Do you have any idea what your behaviour does to the rest of us? You keep dragging our family name through the mud. Instead of Feliciano and Marcello's achievements, we're known for you being a delinquent. Did it ever occur to you to think of someone instead of yourself? You realise you're supposed to be applying for university soon? Do you think anyone is going to be interested in someone with a record like yours? Honestly, I have no idea what went wrong with you. Feli and Cello are children that any parent could be proud of. How are you even related to them? You know what, Lovino? I'm getting really fed up with you. Sometimes I wish you weren't my son._

It was a long passage, and Romulus wondered if Lovino could really remember all of that. But he could definitely recognise his words. The last sentence especially made him feel guilty. It was the last thing in this book. The final thing that convinced Lovino to make an attempt on his own life.

He recalled the argument from this afternoon. No, it wasn't an argument. Lovino said nothing. He endured Romulus's words in silence. Romulus called him selfish. Romulus also implied that he had no reason to be proud of Lovino. He wondered if Lovino also felt that Romulus was implying that he had no future.

Romulus kept reading everything that was said to Lovino in the last few days, feeling his stomach drop with each passage. He couldn't blame Lovino for wanting to end it. And he felt horrible that _this_ was what Lovino had to hear every day.

When was the last time Romulus said something positive to Lovino?

He finally couldn't take it anymore, and he shut the book. Tears were stinging his eyes, and he could already imagine the disappointment on Chiara's face for allowing their son to go through this hell.

He walked towards the bed and sat down, immediately yelping and jumping up. The mattress had collapsed. He gingerly lay down and immediately felt the discomfort. Why didn't Lovino say anything before?

He recalled a passage of what he could identify as his own words, where he had scolded Lovino for bringing back a bad grade. He remembered it vaguely. Where he asked Lovino why he paid for his education. Where he might have implied that he was wasting his money.

Did Lovino choose to endure the discomfort because he thought that he was wasting Romulus's money? Did Romulus make him feel that way?

Romulus knew that he needed to fix it. Perhaps, there was one kind thing that he could do for Lovino. He turned his attention to the bedside cabinet. The only objects on top were the table lamp, alarm clock, and a picture frame. He tenderly picked it up, seeing the photograph of Lovino and Chiara. Both looked so happy.

Romulus felt his throat tighten at the reminder that he had forbidden his son from speaking about the parent that showed him love, even if it was that one time in a fit of grief. Romulus was the one that denied his son the opportunity to mourn his mother's death.

He sighed as he put the picture frame down. He opened the drawer and immediately felt his blood run cold. There was a first-aid kit inside, and several other salves, bandages, and the like. A box of mild antidepressants was there as well, though it was unopened. There was a box of tissues, and he dearly hoped that his son used them for the same reasons teenage boys usually used them. He quickly abandoned the drawer and went through the trash bin, glad that it wasn't garbage day yet. He examined every tissue he found. All of them had blood. Some had specks, others had larger stains.

With a shudder, he returned to the drawer. There was also a bottle of bubble bath – something he couldn't figure out, until he saw that it was for sore muscles. He figured that Lovino kept this in case of emergencies. And then he found a pocket knife.

His mind flashed to the cuts on Lovino's arms, and he held the knife with a sense of horror. This was most likely the same knife that Lovino used to harm himself. The cause of all those cuts.

No, not the cause. Just the means.

Feeling that it would be best to hold onto the knife, he placed it in his pocket, before turning to the bookshelf at the foot of the bed. This was probably the one thing that reflected Lovino the most. Unless Romulus wanted to check on his son's laptop. He didn't believe that these books were for school, so he wandered closer.

The shelf was almost completely filled with classical books. The paperbacks didn't have a single crinkle in the spines, with the only evidence that they had been read the slight yellowing of the pages, along with the fact that they refused to remain closed. The hardbacks also had the slightly yellowed pages to indicate age.

Lovino liked books. Why didn't Romulus realise it before?

He recalled Feliks mentioning at the hospital that they had gotten tickets for one of Shakespeare's plays, and how Feliciano also seemed to know that Lovino liked Shakespeare. A complete collection was one of the books that Romulus picked up.

Then there was a book of fairy tales that looked vaguely familiar. He picked it up and opened the book. On the inside was a note written in Chiara's handwriting.

_To Lovino,  
I hope this book helps open doors to new worlds.  
Love, Mama._

He wondered if this was the same book that Lovino had referred to earlier. A gift from his mother. A gift that he'd wanted to share with his father. Because he felt that his _father_ needed comfort. The same book that he was holding when Romulus told him that he should have died.

He leafed through the book. Unlike the others, he could tell that this book had been read _a lot_, and there were also slight stains. He almost thought water stains, but the size had him reconsidering. Could it be… tears? Did a young Lovino read this book when he was seeking comfort? Comfort that he'd sought from Romulus, only to have it denied?

And at some point, he'd started seeking comfort from a blade.

Romulus had never been so disgusted with himself. His son was in pain, in every sense of the word, and he only contributed to make it worse. He was a horrible father.

But he would fix things.

He looked at the bookshelf again. Lovino would most likely get bored in the hospital. He would need to read something. But _what_? From the looks of it, every book on the shelf had been read at some point. A new book, perhaps? He could clearly see what Lovino liked. But unfortunately, he planned on going to the hospital early the next morning. Book stores wouldn't be open until later. Unless…

Romulus left the room and made his way back to his office. He had an idea of something that Lovino could read.

…

_Romulus was standing in the cemetery, but he wasn't alone. Standing a few metres in front of him was his young son, hugging the gravestone of his mother._

"_Please, take me with you!" Lovino begged. "I don't want to stay here. I want to be dead too. I want to be with you. Please, Mama, I'm sorry!"_

_He could feel his heart clench as he heard those words, and he walked closer. He gently placed his hand on his son's head, and the six-year-old whipped around, a look of fear on his face._

"_Let's go home," Romulus said._

_Lovino whimpered, but followed Romulus out of the graveyard. They said nothing as they drove away, but Romulus took a detour. He wasn't taking them home. Not immediately._

_Lovino looked confused when he realised that they weren't home yet._

"_Come on," Romulus said as he climbed out of the car._

_Lovino hesitantly followed behind, and the two entered the ice-cream parlour._

_The two sat down, ice-creams in front of them. Lovino's ice-cream kept changing. Romulus didn't know what flavour his son would have gone with._

"_I'm really sorry about what I said earlier," Romulus said. "You weren't supposed to die instead of your mama. I was just… upset. I'm sorry. It was wrong of me."_

"…_Why did you forget?"_

_The child's voice had been replaced by the older Lovino's, and the sixteen-year-old was sitting in front of him, covered in bruises with cuts on his bare arms._

"_Is it because I'm not Feliciano or Marcello?" Lovino asked. "Is it because I'm not important enough?"_

"_No!" Romulus exclaimed. "It's not that at all!"_

"_If Feliciano didn't call you, I would be dead now," Lovino continued. "Because _you_ wouldn't have come to apologise. You wouldn't have come into my room. You wouldn't have bothered. You never did."_

Romulus's eyes snapped open, and he could feel the tears streaming down his face. A dream that started by showing him what could have been, had he just _remembered_. If he'd realised that he was the reason why Lovino had been in the cemetery in the first place. If he'd _thought_ of comforting his son.

He groaned when the alarm went off, and he silenced it. With a sigh, he climbed out of the bed and started with his daily routine, before leaving to go to the kitchen.

But at the top of the stairs, he paused.

A part of him hoped that it was all just a horrible nightmare. That Lovino was sleeping in his bed. But he knew that if he opened the door, his son wouldn't be there. He was still in the hospital.

Just like ten years ago.

It filled him with a sense of horror that Lovino was in the hospital on the anniversary of the accident. He should have known. Romulus had always been told that he was in tune with other people's feelings. And he'd always prided himself in being able to sense when something was bothering his sons. Except Lovino. The one that needed his help the most.

Romulus couldn't remember a single day when breakfast was a silent affair. Normally, he would chat with Feliciano and Marcello about many things, such as the plans for the day. But now, no one knew what to say. Their thoughts were on how empty the kitchen was. Lovino rarely joined them at the table, but he was still _there_. The fact that Romulus had accidentally made too much food was testament to that.

"I'm going to visit Lovino before work," Romulus said. "And then we can all go together after school. Sounds good?"

"Why are you going before work?" Marcello asked bitterly.

Marcello was still angry at him. Romulus knew this. He sighed.

"I'm going to give him a book or two," Romulus explained. "I think he'll get bored."

Marcello nodded his head.

"I'll also see if Mario was serious about that pizza," Romulus continued.

"What _is_ his favourite?" Feliciano whispered.

None of them could answer.

"We're really pathetic, aren't we?" Marcello sighed.

…

Matthew was preparing for the day, running through his schedule when his phone rang. He checked and felt a twinge of concern when he saw that it was Feliks's father that called him.

"Morning Fryderyk," Matthew greeted. "Is Feliks alright?"

"Feliks is fine," the other male said. "It was just a stomach bug. He's also not the reason why I called you. At least, not directly."

Matthew frowned. It was never a good sign if a patient called him when he was off the clock, and in the case of the younger patients, having their parents call was also bad news. Especially if it was very late at night or very early in the morning.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I assume that Feliks has told you about his friend, Lovino?" Fryderyk asked.

Matthew immediately had a suspicion about what happened.

"Yes, he did," Matthew said.

"Yesterday afternoon, he attempted suicide," the doctor explained. "He's under suicide watch, but we need a psychiatric evaluation. Just looking at the way he harmed himself…"

Matthew sighed in relief, pleased that it had only been an attempt and that he wasn't victorious.

"Alright," he said. "I'll have to check my schedule, but I _should_ be able to come by sometime this morning. How's Feliks taking it?"

"He's upset," Fryderyk sighed. "But he's not really surprised. He also feels guilty, because he wasn't at school yesterday. He wonders if it could have changed anything."

Matthew understood the feeling. He'd dealt with many patients who suffered through a trauma, and who questioned if things could have been different if something had happened differently. If a trauma could have been prevented.

"Is it possible for you to bring Feliks tomorrow?" he asked. "I think he's in need of another session. Soon."

There was a sigh on the other end.

"I figured," Fryderyk said. "I'll see what I can do. See you soon, Matthew."

Matthew ended the call, before sighing. He didn't work on weekends, so he could see Feliks for a session. But now, there was another teenage boy that needed his attention.

He needed to go to his office first. He needed to check his schedule. And he needed to find the notes that he had begun on Lovino. They were placed in Feliks's file, and could help him to understand Lovino. He already had an idea on the things that he would do with Lovino.

Going through his mental checklist, he made his way to the door.

…

Feliciano was sitting next to Marcello on the bus. Neither of them said a word. Neither of them felt that they could join their friends. Neither of them felt in the mood for laughing.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Feliciano looked up at the concerned voice. Antonio, Francis and Gilbert were standing there. But, before Feliciano could answer, Marcello spoke.

"It's none of your business," he spat. "Leave us alone."

Feliciano was a bit surprised by his younger brother's tone of voice, and so were the others. Francis looked around.

"Where's Lovi?" he asked.

"None of your business!" Marcello snapped. "Go away!"

The three hesitated, before leaving. Feliciano turned to Marcello, a look of understanding on his face.

"It's them, isn't it?" he asked, to which Marcello nodded.

"They sent fratellone to the hospital," Marcello said.

**On an unrelated note, those of you living in Europe and Canada – and perhaps the northern states of America – you have **_**no **_**idea how jealous I am of you right now. We're currently dealing with a drought and a heatwave. You know it's bad when the desert plants are suffering. Luckily, I'm not in the Northern Cape. It's pretty much desert there, so…**


	23. Chapter 23

**Thanks to Carina Sicily for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 23**

Feliciano made his way to Lovino's homeroom class. He needed to tell the teacher about his brother being in the hospital. He needed to make sure that Lovino didn't get into trouble for being absent.

He could see the teacher, and he gave a small smile of relief. He made his way to the teacher, who paused when he saw him coming.

"Oh, Feliciano," the teacher greeted. "May I help you with something?"

"S-si," he said. "I came to say that Lovino won't be here today."

The teacher sighed, and Feliciano felt his heart freeze when he saw the cold look on the teacher's face.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Lovino's in the hospital," Feliciano said.

"What did he do?"

Feliciano felt angry. The teacher was so callous. Normally, a teacher should be concerned when hearing that a student was in the hospital. He just looked _annoyed_.

"Attempted suicide," Feliciano said.

The teacher looked startled, and Feliciano narrowed his eyes.

"He thinks that no one cares about him," Feliciano continued. "And you just proved him right."

"Feliciano…" the teacher started, reaching out his hand.

Feliciano jerked away, before rushing off to his own class. He didn't notice the crowd of students watching him.

…

Lovino was staring between the needle and the nurse. He had been given a drip due to how malnourished he was, along with the dehydration that followed the procedure they used to save his life. The only problem was, they didn't trust him enough to leave him alone. They were afraid that he would use the needle to harm himself, and so he was being monitored while the drip was attached. And, alright, considering the state of his body, he could understand why they would be worried, but it didn't help him at all.

There was a timid knock on the door, and Lovino and the nurse both turned their attentions to the entrance. Lovino narrowed his eyes when he saw his father walking in, carrying… was that a pizza box?

"How is he?" Romulus asked the nurse.

"He didn't want to eat," she said. "We're pumping nutrients into him, but…"

Romulus sighed.

"Well, all of my sons can be picky eaters," he said. "I brought pizza. Is it alright?"

The nurse eyed the box, before shrugging.

"If he eats, I suppose I can't complain," she said. "I'll leave you to it."

She left them alone, and silence fell over them. Lovino pointedly looked away. He didn't want to see his father. He didn't want to hear what the other was going to say, especially since Feliciano and Marcello weren't there.

"Mario sent you this pizza," Romulus said. "We went there for dinner last night. He looked really concerned about you. He also said that you turned down a job offer."

Lovino pursed his lips. He knew that the pizzeria owner was a bit concerned about him. He was just such a nice guy.

Ever since their disastrous tenth birthday party, Lovino always went on his own during Feliciano's parties. He knew that he wasn't welcome there, and would often walk around the town during those times. And when he was hungry, he would go to Mario's pizzeria. He went there for his favourite comfort food, a slice of cake, and for the restaurant staff to sing their corny birthday song to him. Because it was the only time that someone would sing 'happy birthday' to _him_.

Romulus sighed, placing the box on the eating area.

"I also found those books," Romulus said gently. "I'm sorry for every word I added to that book."

Lovino snorted.

"If you were really sorry, you would have apologised whenever you said them," he said. "But I was just too unimportant for you to remember that you said things that might have hurt me."

Romulus flinched at the words. He took out a plastic bag.

"I also brought you a few books," he said. "Why didn't you tell me that you enjoy reading?"

"Why didn't you ever notice?" Lovino shot back. "What do you think I was doing while you, Feli and Cello played on the beach? I mean, it wasn't as though you couldn't _see_ what I was doing."

Romulus pursed his lips, before he placed the books on the table next to Lovino. Lovino's eyes widened when he saw an Italian edition of _The Divine Comedy_.

"I had these books lying around," Romulus explained. "If I knew that you enjoyed reading – and enjoyed the classics – I would have given them to you."

Lovino didn't quite believe that. But now he felt frustrated.

"Great," he muttered. "One hand is cuffed to the bed, and the other one is broken. No way to hold a book."

Romulus's eyes widened at that.

"I… I'll go call the nurse," he said. "See if we can make a plan."

Lovino didn't say anything as he watched his father leave. He stared at the box of pizza, which was also out of his reach due to the cuff. And then he looked towards the books. Asides from _Divine Comedy_, there was also an Italian edition of the _Decameron. _How did he not know that these were in the house?

His father returned with the nurse, who first checked the contents of the table before she took out a key, unlocking the cuff around his wrist. Lovino circled the wrist as he got used to not having it in a cuff, before the cuff was tied around his uninjured ankle. He sighed at that.

"Sorry," the nurse said. "But until we're sure you won't try to wander off and hurt yourself, this is how it's going to be."

Lovino rolled his eyes, before pulling the eating table closer. He opened the box and froze. It was his favourite pizza, but that wasn't what made him freeze. And it wasn't the fact that it was a large pizza. The tomatoes were arranged to spell the words 'get well soon'. It was enough to make tears spring to his eyes.

Romulus also noticed the arrangement of the tomatoes, but he was silent. It was almost a shame to eat it. Almost. Lovino needed the comfort from his comfort food, and so he took a slice.

"Why did you turn down that job offer?" Romulus asked softly. "He said it was a few months ago. Were… were you planning it for that long?"

Lovino didn't answer. He _couldn't_. He just continued eating as the first tears started to fall.

"…I need to get to work," Romulus said. "I'll see you this afternoon."

"Don't pretend that you _want_ to be here," Lovino said. "You'll just end up yelling at me for ruining your day. Like I ruin everything. That's why you gave me this name, after all."

"What are you talking about?" Romulus asked.

"Don't think that changing one letter changes the meaning."

Romulus's eyes widened.

"You think…" he said. "Lovino, that is _not_ why I gave you that name."

Lovino looked towards his father, not believing him. Romulus sighed, pulling a chair closer.

"I should have told you this story a long time ago," Romulus said. "Then maybe it could have saved you a lot of torment. You see, it comes from my days back in Italy. I was about seven or eight back then. It was a rainy season, and on the one day when it wasn't raining, all of us went to go play. The best place was near the river, and being the stupid kid that I was… I fell in."

Lovino listened to his father's story, trying to figure out _why_ it was being told.

"One of the older boys jumped in after me, and managed to grab hold of me," Romulus continued. "He grabbed one of these huge rocks in the river and held me there until the adults managed to get to us. He pushed me to them, but he couldn't hold on anymore. He let go, and by the time they managed to get him, he had already drowned. He was a troublemaker, and was famous for playing mean pranks. He surprised everyone that day. We all knew him by his nickname: Lovino."

Lovino's eyes widened when he heard that.

"What?" he whispered.

"It had been my intention to name my first son after the boy who saved my life," Romulus said. "But I never told you this story. And I realise that it caused you more pain. I'm sorry."

Lovino burst into sobs, and Romulus hugged him. Lovino allowed it. When was the last time his father had hugged him?

He let out a particularly loud sob when Romulus placed a gentle kiss on his head. He couldn't remember the older male _ever_ doing _that_.

"Your mother warned me about that name, but I guess I didn't listen," Romulus said. "Maybe we should have given you that middle name."

"What middle name?" Lovino asked.

"The name your mother wanted to give you. Romano."

…

Feliciano sat down in his seat, hearing the whispers around him. He realised that the others had heard him tell the teacher that Lovino had attempted suicide, and it was all they could talk about now.

What made Feliciano feel horrible was the number of snickers he heard. Apparently, Lovino trying to kill himself was _funny_. Did none of them _care_ that Lovino wanted to _die_?

"Oh, Toni, did you hear?" Gilbert's voice reached Feliciano's ears.

Remembering what had happened on the bus, Feliciano focused on their conversation.

"Is this about Lovi trying to kill himself?" Antonio asked.

"Exactement," Francis said. "He couldn't even do _that_ right."

"Man, how big of an idiot do you need to be at failing to kill yourself?" Gilbert said.

"I just think that he's trying to get attention," Antonio said. "That's just the type of person he is, after all. Acting like the world owes him something."

"You're right," Francis said. "And poor Feli and Marcello have to deal with having a screw-up like him for a brother."

"You're right," Gilbert said. "Lovi's the worst brother in history."

Feliciano felt something he rarely felt: rage. The more he listened to them, the angrier he got. And when he heard the last thing that Gilbert said, he _snapped_.

The sound of flesh against flesh, a shocked cry, and the class was silent. Feliciano clenched his fist, the knuckles painful. The doctor was right. Using your fists _would_ have an impact.

Gilbert stared at Feliciano in shock. The Italian didn't realise that at that moment, the resemblance between him and his twin was _uncanny_.

"F-Feli?" Gilbert stuttered, more surprised than anything.

"_Never_ talk about my fratello like that," Feliciano hissed, his voice cold. "Lovino's not an idiot. He's smarter than me. Or, are you saying that I'm an idiot too?"

"Mon ami, that's not what we meant," Francis said.

"Then what _did_ you mean?" Feliciano snapped. "You say that Lovino acts as though the world owes him something. Well, it _does_. It owes him an apology for putting him through _hell_! All of you people laughing at him wanting to die… How would you feel if someone laughed at _you_?!"

Several of the other students looked guilty when Feliciano said it. No one was about to interrupt him, too shocked to see the normally cheerful Italian genuinely furious. Even the teacher was shocked at the sight.

"You said that Lovino wanted attention," Feliciano continued. "Then why does he shrink away? Tell me something, where does he spend his lunch hour?"

"Th-the roof," Antonio said. "E-everyone knows that."

"How's that possible?" Feliks interrupted. "The access door is locked at all times. There's no way that Lovino could go to the roof."

Feliciano glanced towards Feliks, his glare softening. Feliks was the only one that noticed the pain that Lovino was in, and had tried to help him. He was better for Lovino than Feliciano himself had been.

"Then where _is_ he?" Gilbert challenged.

"Like, there's no way I'm telling _you_," Feliks spat.

"Point is, Lovino is on his own, trying to get away from _you_," Feliciano said. "And another thing. Those 'tattoos' on his arms? Not tattoos. Lovino's been hurting himself for _years_, but none of you even cared to _think_ about it! Oh no. You want to make Lovino the monster. But tell me something: What has he done to _any_ of you?"

There was silence all around. People were looking nervously at each other. Feliciano wondered if they were realising that they were wrong about his brother. That Lovino _had_ done nothing to them to warrant their hatred.

"You also said that Lovino is the worst brother in history," Feliciano whispered. "But _I'm_ the worst brother. I didn't even realise that my own twin was hurting himself – was _starving_ himself – and wanted to _die_. Do you know what it's like to find your brother, and he won't wake up? After your father yelled at him? After he walked back in the rain after getting hurt? And in case you're wondering, Lovino _couldn't_ have been in a fight _yesterday_, because his wrist was broken _a few days ago_. Tell me, was it _you_ three?!"

The three jumped at Feliciano's words, and the looks they threw each other testified their guilt. But they themselves didn't _look_ guilty.

"Are there any _other _complaints against Lovino?" Feliciano asked, this time looking around at the entire class. "Speak now, or shut up!"

No one dared to say a thing.

"I-I think we should start class," the teacher said nervously.

Everyone scrambled to their seats, and Gilbert gave Feliciano a confused and hurt look. He almost looked like a kicked puppy, but Feliciano refused to feel guilty. One of the things Lovino said he did to hurt him was think that those three were nice people. And hearing how they would speak about Lovino made him believe that. They didn't _care_ about who heard them. Not even Lovino's brother.

As Feliciano sat down, he glanced in Feliks's direction. The Pole gave a small smile, which Feliciano returned. That's right. Feliks actually took the time to get to know Lovino. He was at Lovino's side. And, perhaps… he knew Lovino better than Feliciano did.

That thought brought an ache forth in his chest. Someone who knew Lovino for two weeks knew him better than Feliciano, his own twin. At the very least, he knew that Lovino was hurting. Something that Feliciano _should_ have picked up on, but didn't.

And Feliks had been in much the same position as Lovino a few weeks ago. Perhaps that was the reason why he could see what Feliciano couldn't. Because Feliciano had never reached the point where he wanted to die.

There was also another thing that Feliciano realised: All of the things he had heard from the others about Lovino… just how much did _Lovino_ hear?

…

Romulus sighed for the umpteenth time. He just couldn't focus on his work. His thoughts were on his son.

"That's getting seriously old," his partner said.

Romulus was the co-owner of a small art gallery. His partner was a Persian man named Amin. They were small, but they managed, and Romulus usually had the afternoons off, while Amin worked in the afternoons. However, the two of them were interviewing a potential new employee, so they both had to be there this morning.

"Sorry," he said. "My mind's on Lovino."

Amin sighed in frustration.

"What is it _this_ time?" he asked tiredly.

Romulus couldn't blame Amin for his reaction, even though it made him feel a little annoyed and protective. Romulus had complained about Lovino enough times for the other to be completely bored with it.

"He attempted to commit suicide," he said softly.

Amin's head whipped towards him. Clearly, whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't _that_.

"Oh," the other male said gently. "I'm sorry. But, he's okay?"

Romulus shook his head.

"As it turns out, he wasn't fighting, he was being bullied," Romulus said. "And I dismissed him whenever he tried to tell me. He's in a bad state. Several ribs are broken, he has a concussion, his wrist is broken… And his mental state isn't much better, to be honest. Years of emotional neglect, belittlement… He's in the hospital, and it doesn't look like he's leaving anytime soon."

Amin looked down, his eyes reflecting his sympathy.

"So… All those times you were complaining about _him_…" he said.

"I had no reason to complain," Romulus said, nodding his head. "I realised that I was a horrible father towards him. I didn't even know what his favourite pizza was. Or his favourite colour. I just…"

They were interrupted when someone entered the gallery, and the two of them grew professional. They knew that this was their potential employee. The man swallowed nervously, before walking towards them.

"Sorry if I'm late," the man said.

"Don't worry," Amin said. "You're early. Shall we go to the office?"

The three went to the joint office, and the other's eyes immediately fell on the picture frame on Romulus's desk.

"Are these your sons?" he asked, looking towards Romulus.

Romulus felt a jolt when he realised that the photograph only contained Feliciano and Marcello. No sign of Lovino.

"Si," he said. "I also have a third son. He's… he's currently in the hospital. He got hurt pretty bad."

The man's eyes lingered, a strange expression on his face.

"Anyway, let's get started," Amin said, sitting down at his own desk. "Your name is Toris Laurinaitis, correct?"

Toris nodded his head, taking a seat on the chair placed between the two desks.

"What makes you qualified to work here?" Amin asked.

"Um, I've done some bookkeeping before," Toris said. "And I'm a hard worker."

"It seems like you've gone a long time without a job," Romulus said. "Care to explain why that is?"

Toris hesitated.

"I… I fell a bit on bad luck," he said. "But… Earlier this week, something happened that made me want to turn my life around."

"Oh?" Romulus asked. "And what was that?"

Toris glanced towards the picture frame.

"I think I met one of your sons," he said.

**After thinking about it for some time, I decided to go on hiatus until the end of November. I'll finish the updates for this week. This applies to all my stories. I just need a bit of time. And with the exception of the time I went abroad and didn't have internet yet, I've been updating every week since my very first story in 2013. So, I think I could use a break.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Thanks to Q, Yffc, MyNameIsKeithOK, K, KillerStrike, RaipleMay, MonalisaRomano17, ann25099, LassRonan0020, Carina Sicily and an anon for reviewing.**

**And I'm back! It felt weird, not updating for a whole month. Once again, thanks for everyone's patience and understanding.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 24**

Lovino was lying in the bed, reading one of the books his father had brought for him. Since it was Italian and since he was used to reading in English, it was taking longer than usual. But that was fine. He wasn't going anywhere.

He looked up when someone knocked on the door, and he could see a blond man with glasses. The man smiled at him and entered. The doctor – Feliks's father – followed after him.

"How are you feeling, Lovino?" Fryderyk asked.

"I would appreciate not having to press a button if I wanted to go to the bathroom," Lovino said, eyes flickering to the stranger.

"Until we can be sure that you're not a danger to yourself, I'm afraid it's mandatory," Fryderyk sighed. His gaze flickered to the pizza box. "Were you at least able to eat something?"

Lovino nodded his head.

"That's good," Fryderyk said, before he turned to the new arrival. "This is Doctor Matthew Williams. He's Feliks's therapist. And he's here for a psychiatric evaluation."

Lovino froze when he heard that, and he looked between the two older males. Matthew turned to Fryderyk and nodded his head.

"Thank you," he said. "I'll take it from here."

Fryderyk nodded, before leaving the room, closing the door behind him. Lovino was silent as he stared at the therapist, who gave him a warm smile.

"It's nice to finally meet you," Matthew said. "Feliks has told me so much about you."

"Then why did you even come?" Lovino asked.

Matthew sighed, before he sat down on the chair next to the bed. Lovino tensed a bit when he saw this.

"You attempted suicide," Matthew said. "And based on the self-harm scars, there's a chance that you might hurt yourself again. No one wants to see you die."

Lovino snorted at that. If that were true, then he wouldn't have heard so many people saying that he should die, or kill himself, or that he shouldn't have been born.

"You shouldn't listen to those people who say otherwise," Matthew said. "And you also shouldn't listen to the voices echoing in your head."

"…So let me guess," Lovino said, "you're trying to check if I'm crazy? And then everyone would have an excuse to lock me up somewhere."

Matthew frowned, before he removed a notebook and pen from his briefcase. Lovino watched this, but he didn't care. He knew that whatever was written couldn't be positive.

"Why don't we try a little word-association exercise?" Matthew suggested. "I say a word, and you say the first thing that comes to mind. Alright?"

Lovino shrugged. He didn't know what this would achieve, but he needed to play along. He didn't really have a choice in the matter.

"Alright then," Matthew said. "Water?"

"Cold," Lovino said.

"Cat?"

"Fluffy."

"Bicycle?"

"Hurts."

Matthew frowned.

"Why do you say a bicycle hurts?" he asked.

Lovino averted his eyes.

"Because… there was one time when those three chased me on their bikes, and one of them hit me," Lovino said. "We were both sent to the ground, and they beat me up because _I_ hurt the jerk."

"That's horrible," Matthew said quietly. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Lovino's throat tightened, and he closed his eyes. His father had gotten a call from Gilbert's father that day. They had to pay for damaging the bicycle. And Lovino wasn't allowed to leave his room for an entire week as punishment, other than to go to the bathroom. His meals had been brought to him as well.

Matthew's eyes strayed, and they landed on the pizza box.

"Next word," he said. "Pizza."

"Happiness," Lovino said.

Several more words were thrown around, with some of the more depressing responses being asked about. Lovino answered what he could, while others were too painful for him. Eventually, though, Lovino couldn't take it anymore.

"Why don't you just tell them to get the straightjacket and ship me off somewhere?" Lovino snapped. "That's what you're testing for, isn't it?"

"Not at all," Matthew said calmly. "I'm merely trying to get a feel for your personality."

"Well, it's rotten. Nothing good about it."

"Then why would Feliks want to help you? Why would Feliks enjoy your company?"

Lovino was silent. He couldn't figure it out himself.

"You have a prickly personality," Matthew continued. "And a lot of it is due to the scars you received growing up. The emotional scars. I'm not here because you're crazy. Think of me as tissue oil: My purpose is to help the scars become fainter. I know they won't disappear completely, but they won't bother you as much anymore."

"There's no hope for me," Lovino muttered, closing his eyes. "I have no future. I can't do anything right. I can't even kill myself."

"You _do_ have a future," Matthew insisted. "And failing at suicide isn't something to be ashamed about. Even if it is twice."

"…Feliks told you, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did."

"What if… What if I told you that it wasn't just twice? That's strong evidence that I can't do anything right, isn't it?"

Matthew frowned in concern.

"How many times?" he asked gently.

"…That depends," Lovino said. "Does standing in front of a robber's gun count as an attempted suicide?"

"If your intention had been for him to shoot you, then yes, I'd say that it counts."

"…Four," Lovino admitted. "All of them in the last two weeks."

Matthew released a heavy sigh, and Lovino heard him write something down in his notebook. Lovino pulled the pizza closer and took a slice, not wanting to deal with the therapist any longer.

"Do you always eat when you're under pressure?" Matthew asked.

"If I _did_, I wouldn't have _these_," Lovino said, raising his arm slightly to show the scars.

"…Doctor Fryderyk said that you starved yourself. Care to tell me what's on your mind?"

"…I didn't eat lunch at school," Lovino admitted. "I needed to get away from all of them."

"Your bullies."

"Not just them. Everyone hates me. And at lunch, they always used that time to make it clear. And because I went to the library, I learned not to eat at lunch."

"And what about lately? Breakfast and dinner?"

"I'm… not hungry. I'm just so tired."

"I see."

"It's not anorexia or bulimia or any of that other shit. I don't think I need to lose weight or anything. Damn Vargas metabolism makes sure that I can't be overweight."

Matthew chuckled before writing something down.

"…Let me guess, you're going to add something about my swearing," Lovino said.

"It's not necessarily a bad thing," Matthew said. "You're honest. Sometimes the honesty is blunt, or a bit crude, but it's still honesty. I'd be more worried if you _didn't_ swear."

Lovino averted his eyes. It was the first time that an adult didn't scold him for his swearing habit, and actually said that it might have been a _good_ thing.

"Is that one of the things that caused you grief?" Matthew asked, to which Lovino nodded his head. "I see. Do you mind if we do another exercise?"

Lovino could detect that the therapist wanted to give him his space, and he _was_ grateful for it. He nodded his head, and Matthew took out a lot of papers that he'd seen in movies and TV shows before.

"You're _joking_," Lovino said simply. "You actually do this crap?"

"Yes," Matthew said simply. "People see things differently. Their minds can interpret abstract shapes into different concrete images. This is just to give me an idea of what type of person you are."

Lovino stared at the therapist flatly and sighed.

"First one's a butterfly," he said. "Why is it always a butterfly?"

Matthew shrugged, taking the next card.

"Flower," Lovino said. The next was shown. "Tomato."

There were seven cards in total, and when all seven were done, Matthew put them away again.

"Feliks tells me that you're ambidextrous," Matthew said.

"Not that it's good for anything," Lovino said.

"On the contrary, it helps me understand you a little better. Studies have been done on the matter, and one of the results showed that ambidextrous people tend to have some anger issues. It's due to the two hemispheres of the brain being equally active."

Lovino blushed a bit when he heard that, apparently, the fact that he was ambidextrous was the reason why he couldn't control his temper.

"But you haven't really gotten angry since we came here," Matthew said. "You've gotten a bit annoyed, even when I started treading on painful territory. I'm going to assume that you're too tired to really get angry."

"What's the point?" Lovino asked. "It's just going to make things worse. Like always."

"I see. Feliks told me that your previous friendships seemed to have failed. Was it your anger?"

Lovino nodded.

"Two of my bullies were once my friends," he said. "But not at the same time. The first one kept poking me and called me embarrassing nicknames like 'Tomato' and I didn't like it. He eventually told me that my brother is a lot nicer and that he shouldn't have wasted his time on someone that only cares about himself."

Matthew gave him a sad look.

"You said that he kept doing things that you didn't like," he said. "Did you tell him that you didn't like it?"

Lovino nodded his head.

"I tried being nice about it, but the more he did it, the angrier I got," he said.

"If that's the case, then it's not _your_ fault that the friendship failed," Matthew said. "It's _his_. He completely disregarded your feelings, and then he blamed _you_ for it."

Lovino was silent. He didn't know if it was the truth, or if the therapist was only saying that to make him feel better. But… It _did_ make him feel better, hearing that something he'd blamed himself for, and what Antonio had blamed him for, all these years _wasn't_ his fault.

"He was also my friend during the time my mom died," he said.

"Feliks told me about that," Matthew said. "When's the anniversary?"

"…Today."

Matthew looked startled, and Lovino averted his gaze.

"Lovino…" Matthew said. "Tell me… Yesterday… Were you planning it, or did it just happen?"

Lovino bit his lip.

"I wanted to do it _today_," he admitted. "But yesterday… It was too much. I couldn't…"

He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, and he turned to regard the blond sitting next to him. He tensed slightly, but for once, he didn't push the hand away.

"Sorry," he said. "I hope you don't mind. Some people respond better to physical contact than others."

Lovino shrugged.

"I guess I can't complain," he said.

"Do you mind telling me about your day yesterday?" Matthew asked.

Lovino was silent for a while, processing his thoughts. Eventually, he released a shaky breath.

"Feliks wasn't there yesterday," he said. "And they're always on me if I don't have Feliks with me. They want him to think that they're nice. The same as everyone else."

"Do you blame Feliks?" Matthew asked.

Lovino shook his head.

"It was something that couldn't be helped," he said softly. "They beat me up a bit, and then one of the teachers came and gave all of us detentions. I went up to the library – I didn't have the energy to go to class. I asked them why they wouldn't leave me alone, and they said that someone needs to knock me off my high horse. When the teacher came, they lied and said that _I_ insulted them and everything. The teacher also told me that I have to learn that the world doesn't revolve around me. And that I have no one to blame but myself. If he came just a little earlier, then he would have seen how one of those assholes was strangling me. But _no_. I have no one to blame but myself. After school I sat detention, and I finished earlier than them. But with my ankle… I couldn't get far, and it hurt really bad. When they caught up to me… They beat me up again while calling me a useless, worthless piece of shit and telling me that I should do the world a favour and drop dead. They only stopped when it started raining, and I walked back in the rain."

Matthew looked startled.

"Why didn't you call your father to come pick you up?" he asked.

"Because he told me a long time ago that he wouldn't pick me up if I had detention," Lovino explained. "It was his way of punishing me."

"I see. And what happened afterwards?"

Lovino hesitated. He knew that the next part would reflect really badly on his father, but it _was_ what came next that ultimately led to his decision to end it earlier than planned.

"My father started yelling at me for getting into fights," Lovino said. "Saying that my actions are hurting the family and all that. He also said that we should be applying for universities soon, but that no one would want someone with my record. And then… He told me that he wished I wasn't his son."

"That's horrible," Matthew whispered. "Was that what made you decide to end it earlier than planned?"

Lovino nodded his head.

"One more day like that…" Lovino said. "I couldn't handle it. It's torture. I don't want to go through that anymore."

"I understand," Matthew said. "And what about your brothers?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's your relationship with them?"

Lovino rolled his tongue around in his mouth, trying to find the correct words.

"Feliciano… lives in his own little world," he said. "One where everyone is friends with each other. He never noticed what they're doing to me, and he always told my father when I got into a 'fight'."

"So, you feel as though he betrayed you?" Matthew asked.

"…I guess," Lovino said. "We're twins. He was supposed to be there for me when no one else was. And… A lot of people only wanted to be my friend because they thought I would be the exact same as Feliciano. It's what the second asshole did. He thought I would be like my brother. But even so young, Feliciano was popular, and I was not. He thought he'd have a Feliciano-clone all to himself. He was wrong."

"I see…. It would seem that, once again, the friendship failing _wasn't_ your fault. What about the other brother?"

"Marcello. Until a week ago, he was afraid of me. He believed those lies about me."

"What changed?"

"He walked in on me… cutting myself. He's been pestering me since then."

"He's worried about you."

"I know," Lovino whispered. "But… It's out of guilt. When he thinks that things are fine again, then everything will go back to the way it was before."

"Are you sure about that?" Matthew asked earnestly. "How do you know that things _wouldn't_ change?"

"Because they never had. And never will."

Matthew sighed, writing something in his notebook again. Lovino closed his eyes.

"…Feliks tells me that you like reading," Matthew said. "What types of books do you enjoy?"

"Things that are far away from reality," Lovino said. "But I also read other things. I also like reading the classics."

"Ah, I see. I myself like fantasy and urban fantasy. Tell me, have you ever thought of writing a book yourself?"

Lovino snorted.

"I'm no good," he said. "I can never get a good grade for creative writing."

"You shouldn't let things like that bother you," Matthew said. "After all, they told Walt Disney that he couldn't draw."

Lovino cocked his head when he heard that.

"I even read somewhere that the best authors are the ones that failed English 101," Matthew said. "But… Well, if you base whether or not you can write on the grade you received in school, then you're never going to find out if you're good at it or not. Tell me, how many narrative essays have you written?"

"…Not much," Lovino said. "I think the last time I had a teacher that assigned something like that was in eighth grade."

Matthew clicked his tongue, and Lovino looked up to regard him.

"There's something wrong at that school," Matthew said. "Alright. I know you're in the hospital, and I know that it's a weekend, but I'm going to give you homework."

Lovino frowned when Matthew rifled through his briefcase and pulled out another notepad, along with a generic blue pen.

"I want you to write a story for me," Matthew said. "Anything you want. And it can be any length you want."

Lovino watched him place the items on the table next to the bed, and he turned to him in confusion.

"Why?" he asked.

Matthew shrugged.

"I want to check something," he said. "In the end, no matter what you write will give me a better understanding of what's going on in your mind. What type of person you are. What you're hiding. What you wish for."

Lovino simply stared at the therapist, before turning his attention back to the notepad. A story of his own…

"There's also something else I'm curious about," Matthew said. "You speak Italian, right?"

"Si," Lovino said. "Of course."

"Have you thought of learning another language?"

"And what good would that do?"

"Well, one of the advantages is that you'd be able to read books in their native language. Sometimes things get lost in translation. Puns, for example."

Lovino pursed his lips. Yes, he had read a few translations where some sentences just didn't make sense.

"…Not German, or Spanish, or French," Lovino said at last.

"What do you have against those three languages?" Matthew asked.

"Those three assholes."

Matthew nodded his head in understanding.

"Well, you _could_ ask Feliks to teach you Polish," Matthew said. "I'm sure he'd appreciate it as well. You can even teach him Italian in exchange. Or you could ask him to teach you Esperanto."

"Esperanto?" Lovino repeated. "Isn't that a made-up language?"

"It is, yes. Or, it's a constructed language. It might help you pick up other languages. I know that a lot of people learn Esperanto as a sort of stepping stone."

Lovino was silent as he contemplated it.

"I'll think about it," he said.

"Great," Matthew said. "Now, moving on…"

**I've done Duolingo's Esperanto course, and when I embark on a new project I get a bit too excited and gush about it. I had to restrain myself, and I briefly contemplated including the language in this fic, but after delaying it the desire faded. But then I learned about a certain word, and I realised that Esperanto **_**does**_** have a place in this story. The word in question will come up eventually. And yeah, I know a lot of people use Esperanto as a means to make future language-learning endeavours easier. Ironically, it was my previous experiences with other languages that made Esperanto easier for me. So, I'd say that Esperanto is the fifth language I can speak with some confidence. And currently I'm working on Italian.**

**Speaking of language, the part where the narration says 'if that were true' isn't a grammatical error. Using 'were' with a singular pronoun indicates impossibility. It's a reflection of Lovino's doubt that no one wants to see him die, due to the conditioning he'd received for years from his classmates, particularly the trio. He's also pretty open with Matthew, due to being too tired to be on his guard, and due to the fact that Matthew is probably the first adult he's met that's really willing to listen to him (asides from the librarian, but he doesn't open up to her).**


	25. Chapter 25

**Thanks to MonalisaRomano17, Carina Sicily and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 25**

Feliks was walking along with Feliciano towards the school gate. Feliciano had explained that their father would pick them up so that they could go visit Lovino in the hospital, and asked Feliks if he wanted to come along. Feliks immediately said yes.

He already texted his mother with the new plans, and so he was free to go with the Italians. He wanted to see Lovino again. He couldn't get the thought that he was the one responsible for Lovino's state out of his head. He also couldn't get the others' reactions out of his head.

And they tried to convince him that _Lovino_ was the jerk?!

Luckily, most of them were silenced by Feliciano's outburst earlier that morning. Everyone was left speechless, but still, there were those that tried to twist the incident around to make _Lovino _the jerk. A bad influence on his poor, sweet brother who needed to be locked away in juvie as soon as possible.

Feliciano had also heard all of these. And he made it clear to his friends that if _any_ of them had a bad thing to say about Lovino, then they could no longer call Feliciano a friend. At least some of Feliciano's friends were genuinely supportive, like Kiku.

Feliks had been asked to join Feliciano and Marcello for lunch, and he had accepted, but he'd found it to be incredibly awkward. The only thing they could talk about was Lovino, but it was clear that Feliciano was grateful to Feliks for being there for his brother when he hadn't been. The same with Marcello.

Speaking of the younger Italian, he fell into step next to them, and the two brothers started searching for their father's car. Feliks had no idea what the car looked like, so he couldn't help.

"There," Feliciano said, grabbing Feliks's arm and pulling his attention towards a silver car nearby.

Feliks nodded, and soon the three of them were climbing into the car.

"Ciao," Romulus greeted tiredly. "And hello, Feliks. I'm assuming that you want to visit Lovino too?"

Feliks nodded as he climbed into the backseat with Marcello.

"Tak," he said. "Um, thanks for the ride."

Romulus gave a small smile, before he started the car and drove off. Two blocks later, Feliciano finally released a heavy sigh.

"Papa, I don't think Lovino should come back to this school," he said.

"What?" Romulus asked. "Is it that bad?"

"They were _laughing_ at him for trying to kill himself. And… Those three… They called him _stupid_ for failing."

Feliks paid close attention to Romulus. The older male clenched the steering wheel a little too tightly.

"And what about the teachers?" Romulus asked.

"I went to tell Mr Walters that Lovino would be absent," Feliciano said. "He wasn't even worried when I told him that he was in the hospital. It was only after I told him that it was attempted suicide… And the other teachers tried to avoid talking about it. Also, the doctor was right. The fist _does_ get hurt when you punch someone."

Romulus quickly glanced towards Feliciano, a shocked expression on his face.

"Did you _punch_ someone?" he demanded.

"They were saying horrible things about Lovino," Feliciano said. "I couldn't just let them get away with it. They were calling him the worst brother in history."

Marcello flinched as well, and Feliks looked between the two in sympathy. They both realised that they hadn't been there for their older brother, and to hear someone calling Lovino by a title they felt that they deserved must have been painful.

Feliks knew that he deserved the title of worst friend. He couldn't help Lovino.

They arrived at the hospital before long, and the four of them made their way to Lovino's room. When they arrived, Feliks couldn't help the smile on his face when he saw Lovino reading a book. At least it was _some_ semblance of normalcy.

"Fratello?" Feliciano called out.

Lovino looked up, and there was a complicated look on his face as his eyes flitted between all of them. There was also a bit of sorrow when the eyes lingered on Feliks, and the Pole remembered what Lovino had said about people only using him to get to his brother. That was probably what he was thinking now.

"Like, I hope you don't mind that I came along too," Feliks said. "Like, it was quiet without you today."

Lovino scoffed when he heard that.

"I'm guessing everyone was disappointed by the fact that I failed," he said.

The other three teenagers flinched when they heard that. It wasn't technically wrong. Everything that the other students had said about Lovino and his failure to commit suicide… It was horrible.

"Like, Feliciano punched someone," Feliks said.

"What?" Lovino asked, completely surprised.

"Gilbert," Feliciano said. "He was saying the most horrible things about you, fratello. I couldn't let it happen anymore. And Francis and Antonio were also saying horrible things. But…"

Feliciano trailed off, an awkward expression on his face. Marcello decided to break the ice.

"So, what are you reading?" he asked.

Before Lovino could answer, a throat was cleared behind them. They all turned to see Feliks's father standing there.

"Papa," Feliks greeted.

"Hi, Feliks," he said, smiling softly, before turning his focus to Romulus. "Mr Vargas, I'd like to have a word with you in my office."

Romulus nodded his head, and Lovino flinched, shrinking back. Noticing this, Feliks made his way towards his friend and took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Like, I know this part is hard," Feliks said. "But I promise, it will get better."

Lovino hesitated, before he looked down at Feliks's arm. Feliks followed his gaze, and then adjusted it a bit. He could understand why Lovino had sympathised with him when he saw the cuts. Lovino's arms were nothing _but_ cuts.

"Like, are they only on your arms?" Feliks asked.

Lovino tensed, and he sent a furtive look towards his brothers. Their fathers had already left. Marcello and Feliciano were watching him closely, and he averted his gaze.

Lovino's silence was all the answer they required.

No one knew what to say. Feliciano and Marcello were shifting awkwardly, and Feliks knew that he needed to start the conversation.

His eyes landed on the books, and he grinned.

"So, what are you reading?" he asked.

Feliciano and Marcello looked relieved that Feliks took the initiative, and Lovino blinked in surprise, before turning to the books.

"Italian editions of the _Divine Comedy _and the _Decameron_," Lovino said. "Classics. They're not _completely_ written in the original Italian, but they're close enough. I actually read _Divine Comedy_ in English before, but it's interesting to see it in Italian."

Feliks smiled when he saw Lovino's eyes light up when speaking about books. It was a light that no one else saw. Even Feliciano and Marcello appeared to be genuinely surprised by the light Lovino was displaying now.

How could anyone have missed it?

…

Romulus followed the doctor to his office, where a young man was waiting. The man gave him a soft smile.

"Mr Vargas, this is Doctor Matthew Williams," Doctor Fryderyk explained. "He's a psychiatrist."

Romulus remembered that there was supposed to be a psychiatric evaluation done on Lovino, and he realised that that was probably what the doctor wanted to discuss with him.

The two shook hands, and Fryderyk gestured for them both to sit.

"First, I think we should discuss Lovino's physical state," he said. "That attack he had last night? It's chorea. It's a form of involuntary muscle movement that affects the arms and legs. Have you ever seen Lovino as clumsy?"

He recalled a few broken vases and dishes when Lovino was supposed to be helping with chores, and he nodded his head.

"Now you know why," Fryderyk sighed. "I also managed to track down his medical records from ten years ago. You said that they were on their way to the hospital?"

"Si," Romulus said. "When the accident happened, Lovino was supposed to have tests."

"And I see that he received a concussion in the accident, but it didn't receive a follow-up. It's possible that the concussion managed to affect the chorea. I asked him a bit about it, and he said that it's been happening a bit more frequently recently. Emotional strain could also have an effect."

"Can it be treated?"

The doctor nodded, glancing towards a paper.

"His medication is one of the prescriptions," the doctor said. "While in the hospital, we can control his dosage. Once he leaves, it will be up to you to monitor it."

"Of course," Romulus said.

Considering what had happened, no one was going to take a chance with giving Lovino medication.

"I also prescribed a sleep aid for him," Fryderyk continued. "The nurses on duty last night reported that he's been suffering from nightmares. And then some vitamin and mineral supplements."

Romulus felt a jolt when he heard that, but he nodded his head in understanding.

"I guess it's my turn," Matthew said, glancing towards Fryderyk before turning his attention back to Romulus. "I would like to see him at least twice a week. We can arrange appointments at my office."

Romulus nodded in understanding.

"Normally, I'd be subject to a doctor-patient confidentiality agreement," Matthew said. "The rule can be bent a bit when dealing with underaged patients, especially due to a psychiatric evaluation. And there are a few things about your son that I need to discuss with you."

"Alright," Romulus said, his throat going dry.

"First of all, your son suffers from very low self-esteem. He also shows signs of affection starvation. He's pretty talkative, at least when he feels that someone is willing to listen. However, he doesn't seem to be willing to open up to people. At least, not easily. It took him a while to calm down. But I saw that he had a few indicators of PTSD."

"What? But… how?"

"Lovino didn't receive any therapy after the accident, correct? That could have been when it started. He also showed signs of what resembles survivor's guilt. For one thing, his attempted suicide was premeditated. And his original intention had been to do it _today_, on the anniversary of his mother's death."

Romulus shuddered when he heard that, and his heart became encased in ice. It wasn't a coincidence. He had intended to die on…

On the day he felt that he should have died.

His conversations with Lovino the last two days confirmed the doctor's claims, and he felt guilty that he never picked up on it.

"He also doesn't appreciate being in close proximity to others," Matthew continued. "His body language was the same as when someone's fight-or-flight response is triggered. It took a while for him to feel comfortable. Considering his history with bullying, I can understand why that's the case. Feliks also told me that his brother explained that he doesn't like to be hugged, especially from behind. And I managed to learn from Lovino that his bullies would often grab him from behind. He associates a particular action with danger and his instincts respond accordingly. Though, it might not always be a good thing."

All those times Lovino would get angry at Feliciano for hugging him… All those times, Lovino reacted out of a fear response. And Romulus scolded him for that.

There was also the horrible realisation that Lovino reacted out of fear for having his brother _hug_ him. What else had they done to his boy?

Matthew sighed.

"I managed to get Lovino to tell me about some of the things the bullies had done to him," Matthew said, his expression growing disturbed. "I know that kids can be cruel, but… some of the things they've done to him are downright monstrous. He's been physically, mentally and emotionally abused for _years_. Among other things, he became convinced that it was _his_ fault that they assault him."

Romulus flinched. Some of the things he'd read…

"I found these books," he started weakly. "Lovino intended them to be his suicide note. All of the things said to him. And he's been keeping them for _years_."

Matthew frowned when he heard that.

"I'll see if I can get him to tell me what that's about," he said. "But for someone like him… I don't know if it was a coping mechanism or something."

"What exactly does that mean?" Fryderyk asked.

"Well, Lovino has a perfect word recall. I tested his memory – even got an extract from a book he'd read years ago. I only read the first sentence, and he managed to repeat it word-for-word. The same thing happened to something he heard. It's actually extraordinary."

"What?" Romulus asked.

"Your son has an extraordinary talent to remember anything he's read or heard. And unfortunately, it meant that he can't forget the verbal abuse. I wonder how he managed to live this long. Anyone with his talent and circumstances would have gone insane a long time ago."

Perfect word recall. Lovino remembered everything that was said to him. That explained how he could have written down everything that Romulus had said to him the previous day.

"Do you think it's safe to send him home?" Fryderyk asked.

Matthew shook his head.

"He has suicidal tendencies," Matthew said. "I think it would take at least another week. And if his condition doesn't improve… He needs to be sent to a clinic or something."

"Is it really that serious?" Romulus asked.

Matthew looked uncomfortable, but he nodded.

"Unfortunately, I can't give you any details, as it violates the doctor-patient confidentiality agreement," Matthew said. "But… Well, let's just say that, depending on who you ask, Lovino is either the luckiest or unluckiest person in the world."

"You said he has suicidal _tendencies_," Fryderyk interrupted. "That would imply that there's been more than one attempt."

Romulus gasped at that, and he turned to regard Matthew, who was pointedly looking away from him.

"Is this true?" Romulus asked.

"I can't say," Matthew said. "I would be violating the confidentiality of _two_ patients."

That was the only clue Matthew was willing to give. Romulus glanced towards Fryderyk, who seemed to have come to the same realisation. The reason why Feliks seemed to have known that Lovino needed his help… was because he'd _seen_ it first-hand. Which meant that Feliks had walked in on Lovino before. Which meant… Lovino had tried to kill himself _at school_…

Romulus felt nauseous. His son had been suffering, and he had been blind to it all. What could have happened to make Lovino want to end his life _there_?

"Lovino's twin brother told me that I shouldn't allow Lovino to return to that school," Romulus said. "That… That it wouldn't be good for him. What do _you_ think?"

Matthew sighed, removing his glasses to rub his eye.

"Feliks told me a bit of Lovino's school situation," Matthew said. "And I also learned quite a bit from Lovino. It's tricky. On the one hand, returning him to that toxic environment would most likely force him to make another attempt, but on the other hand, a new environment will be overwhelming. I don't know enough about Lovino's skills in adapting to a situation to know how he would react."

Romulus sighed.

"Feliciano told me that they were laughing at him because he failed," he said. "That they were calling him stupid and stuff. He also said that the teachers didn't particularly look as though they cared."

"The school will definitely be a bad environment for him," Matthew said, agreeing. "Perhaps, if he had a friend or something at a new school, to at least make things easier for him. Or, you could try home schooling, at least until he's more mentally stable."

Romulus wished that the psychiatrist didn't have to phrase it like that. He didn't want to believe that Lovino was mentally unstable. But he knew that he was emotionally unstable. And Romulus was one of the reasons for that. He didn't give his son much-needed help, and he ignored every attempt from Lovino to obtain the help that he needed. That he wanted.

"Is there anything else we should know?" Fryderyk asked.

"I prescribed an anti-depressant for him," Matthew said. "I also prescribed some lithium pills. He shows signs of bipolar disorder. I would just like to stabilise that a little. What are his sleeping patterns like?"

"He sleeps a lot, especially in the afternoon," Romulus said. "He sometimes skips meals in order to continue sleeping."

"Hypersomnia. When he's discharged, you need to keep an eye on his sleeping patterns. Do not allow him to sleep for more than an hour in the afternoon, and assign him a curfew, where he doesn't sleep _earlier_ than that. Hypersomnia can be a symptom of depression. You could also try to see if there's an exercise he's willing to do. He needs some endorphins as well."

"I'll try," Romulus said. "But he's never really showed interest in anything."

"I'll return next week Monday," Matthew said, looking between the two other males. "I'd recommend keeping him in suicide watch for at least a week. He's _really_ in a bad place. But, Lovino likes books. I'd start by making sure he has enough to read."

"I actually went to the bookstore to get some new books for him," Romulus said. "I looked at his bookshelf, and I believe I have a good idea of what he likes."

"Good," Matthew said. "What he needs right now is to know that you're there for him. The thing he fears the most is that things will revert to the way they were once you decide that he's better."

Romulus felt the muscles in his throat jump. No, things wouldn't return to the way they were. Not if it was what caused Lovino to want to end his life.

Romulus was about to head back to Lovino's room, but Fryderyk stopped him.

"There's something else I should tell you," he said. "I didn't want to say it in front of your sons, but it's related to Matthew's statement about Lovino being lucky."

"What is it?" Romulus asked, dreading the answer.

"His injuries were _very_ severe. I already told you about the internal bleeding. Even if he didn't swallow those pills… It's doubtful that he would have survived the night."


	26. Chapter 26

**Thanks to Carina Sicily for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 26**

Romulus was in a daze as he returned to Lovino's room. His son had been _so_ close to dying…

No. Not just dying. The bullying was so bad that it would have been a case of murder. Or was it manslaughter? Either way, if Lovino _didn't_ swallow the pills, and if Feliciano hadn't found him… Lovino would still have been dead.

Someone up there had plans for Lovino. That was the only explanation. Lovino had a talent for escaping death.

How many times?

What they had discussed earlier came to mind. Matthew said that Lovino had suicidal _tendencies_, which implied that there was more than one attempt. But how many _were _there? Was it one more, was it _many_ more? And how did Romulus _miss_ it?

The worst part was that he couldn't even ask his son about it. That much he knew. If he tried to ask Lovino about it, he would grow defensive, and he wouldn't say _anything_ about the matter. Trying to force Lovino would only push him away even farther than he was already pushed.

He paused when he arrived at Lovino's room. Marcello, Feliciano and Feliks were trying to engage Lovino in a conversation, but the patient was withdrawing. Romulus could see that Lovino was uncomfortable. And he kept looking between Feliks and Feliciano with something akin to fear.

Feliciano was popular. And Lovino was afraid that he would lose his friend to his brother. Did Lovino have reason to believe that it was probable?

Romulus's eyes drifted to the bag at the door. Before he went to pick up the boys from school, he had gone to buy some more books for Lovino. He would have given it earlier, had the doctor not wanted to speak to him. But thinking about Lovino's reaction when he presented those books to him this morning…

He suspected that he had a way to bring at least _some_ light to his eyes. And so he quickly picked up the bag.

"Sorry about that," Romulus said, startling the teens and bringing their attentions to him.

Romulus noticed how Marcello moved into a protective stance. It hurt him to think that one of his sons wanted to protect another from _him_. But he had no one to blame but himself. So he tried to ignore it and walked forwards.

"It seems you're going to be here for at least a week," Romulus said. "Can't have you getting bored."

Romulus handed the bag over to Lovino, who tentatively took it.

"What?" Lovino whispered, looking inside and seeing the contents.

"I had to jot down what you had on your bookshelf," Romulus admitted. "Did you read _every_ book on your shelf?"

Lovino nodded, removing the first book. It was a hardcover collection of HP Lovecraft, with a stunning front page.

"The bookseller suggested that one," Romulus said. "I can't say that I know the author…"

"Of course not," Lovino said. "It's horror. Most people shy away from it."

"Do you like horror?" Feliciano asked.

Lovino shrugged.

"The farther away from reality it is, the better," he said. "And I think I would prefer a child-eating clown over those three assholes any day."

Romulus didn't miss the sad look in Lovino's eyes, and he remembered what the psychiatrist said. Lovino had symptoms of PTSD. And it wasn't just the accident that caused it. There was a chance that his bullies had caused him to suffer all sorts of trauma. Traumatic enough that made him want to end his own life.

He looked down at the injured wrist. The bullies had broken it. The doctor had said that it appeared to have been crushed. That it was deliberate. And no one believed him.

"By the way, did the doctor tell you what's wrong with your arms?" Romulus asked.

Lovino shook his head.

"Alright, so apparently, it's something called chorea," Romulus said. "It's an involuntary muscle movement of the arms and legs. The doctor's prescribing you medication for that."

Lovino scowled when he heard that, and he averted his gaze.

"You don't look happy," Marcello said.

"Which part upset you?" Romulus asked.

Lovino was silent for a long moment.

"…Money," he muttered.

"What?" Romulus asked.

"It's… It's going to cost a lot of money, and…"

Lovino trailed off, but he made it a point to _not_ look at his father. Remembering the realisation he made with the bed, Romulus's eyes widened.

"Lovino, I don't care how much money it would cost," he said. "_You're_ more important. So don't let it bother you."

Romulus noticed that Lovino's breathing had changed. It had become shaky. Almost as though he was on the verge of crying.

And maybe he was.

"…Is this a bad time?"

Everyone turned towards the door, and Romulus was surprised to see Vash Zwingli standing there. Lili was standing behind her father, looking between the males already present.

"Vash?" Romulus asked. "What are you doing here?"

Vash cleared his throat, looking a little flustered.

"I heard about Lovino being in the hospital," Vash said. "And I was hoping to bring him a get-well-soon gift."

Lovino looked surprised, and Marcello seemed to beam as his friend and her father entered the room. Lili handed Lovino a box of chocolates before hugging him. He hissed in pain, prompting her to pull away.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Are you in pain?"

Lovino nodded his head, absentmindedly rubbing his ribs with his uninjured hand. Lili gasped when she finally appeared to take in the state that he was in.

"What happened?" she asked, alarmed. "Did this happen when you…?"

Lovino looked towards Feliciano, a slight glare on his face.

"Tell me something," he said, "does the whole school know about it?"

Feliciano flinched, but nodded his head.

"I only told Mr Walters," he said. "I didn't want him to mark you as absent. And people overheard me telling him."

"And when you punched that asshole…" Lovino started.

Vash cleared his throat, a slight glare on his face.

"I know that you're in a hospital bed right now," Vash said, "but I would appreciate if you don't swear in front of my daughter."

"It's fine," Lili said. "We heard about the bullying."

Lovino glared at Feliciano again, who shrunk back.

"Don't be too mad at him," Feliks said. "Like, he totally chewed out the entire class for the way they treat you. And totally pointed out that they're totally wrong about you."

Vash sighed, before he handed a packet towards Lovino. The teen frowned in surprise, before he removed a thick book from the packet. His eyes widened in shock.

"_War and Peace_," he whispered.

"I noticed that you seemed to enjoy that book when you were serving detention the other day," Vash said. "I figured I might as well get you your own copy."

"What's this about the detention?" Romulus asked.

Vash glanced towards him and sighed.

"Lovino got an undeserved detention the other day," he explained. "Marcello told me about the circumstances, and though I wasn't able to lift the punishment, I _was_ able to get him to sit his detention with me. I just let him read for an hour."

Romulus couldn't help the small smile. Knowing what he now knew of Lovino, reading for an hour could hardly be considered a punishment.

"This was expensive," Lovino said. "Why would you…?"

"Some of the other teachers contributed as well," Vash interrupted. "If it's any consolation, Mr Kohler feels _horrible_. You were serving detention with him yesterday, correct?"

Lovino flinched, before averting his eyes.

"What excuse did they use?" Vash asked. "Or did they decide to just attack?"

"They… they wanted revenge for me landing them in detention," Lovino said. "For…"

Lovino's voice trailed off, and he lifted his injured hand. Romulus's eyes widened in shock, and he could feel disgust welling in him.

"They were angry at you… because they were punished for breaking your hand?" Vash asked, and the disgust that Romulus felt was echoed in the Swiss's voice.

"Papa, we _can't_ let Lovino go back there," Feliciano said.

Lovino looked a bit surprised, and Romulus pursed his lips.

"I spoke to the therapist," he said. "He agrees that you need to find a new school – you _can't _go back there. But… Adjusting to a new environment is also a risk."

"And it wouldn't matter," Lovino said, head bowed. "It's just going to start from the beginning."

Romulus could see what the psychiatrist meant when he said that Lovino had a low self-esteem. Instead of feeling excited by the prospect of never returning to a place that brought him pain, he was convinced that the same thing would happen in a new environment.

Not if Romulus could help it.

"I'll start looking around on Monday," Romulus said. "I'm guessing I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything on the weekend."

Vash snorted.

"You're right," he said. "Teachers dread the thought of being near the school on weekends. Even more than the students do. Try your luck after the weekend."

Lovino still looked uncomfortable, and Romulus wished he knew how to console his son. The best thing he could do was to hold out the bag from earlier to Lovino, who hesitantly looked at him before removing the second book.

"Well, at least we know that you won't get bored," Marcello said.

"It would be nice if every one of these books had its own bookmark," Lovino said.

"I can bring one for you this evening," Romulus said.

"…There are a few on my bookshelf. There's this box…"

Romulus recalled seeing a box on the lower shelf, but he didn't look inside. So, it contained bookmarks, and what else? Well, he now had permission to go look at the shelf again.

There was another knock on the door, and Romulus turned to face the new arrival. He was surprised by who he saw.

"Toris?" he asked.

"Who's this?" Lovino asked, on his guard.

Toris gave a shaky smile.

"I'm not surprised that you wouldn't know me," he said. "But…" He glanced towards Romulus. "I'm sorry, would you mind if we speak in private? It's… kind of personal for both of us."

Romulus didn't want to leave his son. Although the Lithuanian had impressed him with the interview, the fact that Lovino didn't recognise him made him question his statement of having met Lovino. And with the matter being personal…

"Why?" Lovino asked.

"Um…" Toris began, and it looked as though he was struggling for words. "It's about… what happened at the pharmacy the other day."

Lovino's eyes widened, and there seemed to be understanding in those hazel eyes.

Hazel. Just like Chiara. Why didn't Romulus notice it before?

"I'll be fine," Lovino said, turning to Romulus. "And I think you've wasted enough of your time here."

Romulus flinched when he heard Lovino call himself a waste of time, but he nodded his head.

"We'll come by again tonight," he said.

"We should go as well," Vash said, before turning to Lovino. "Get well soon."

As Romulus passed Toris, he grabbed the man's shoulder. The smaller male flinched at the contact.

"If you hurt my son in any way," he warned, "not only will you not get the job, but the police will be involved. Understand?"

"P-perfectly," Toris said. "I promise, I have no bad intentions with him."

Romulus released Toris, before guiding his other sons away. Feliks went off to find his father, and with Vash and Lili departing, Lovino was now left alone with Toris.

…

Toris took a deep breath, before stepping into the room. He thought about closing the door, but the teen was already looking at him with suspicious curiosity, and he didn't want the boy to feel alarmed. It would contradict the very purpose of this visit.

"…Your eyes," Lovino said, startling him. "They're familiar."

"Y-yes," Toris said. "I guess…. With the mask on, it was the only thing you could see of me."

"Why are you here? And how did you even find out about… _this_?"

"…I wanted to thank you."

Toris's life had gone worse for him than he had hoped. Abusive parents, managed to get a scholarship for university, only for him to lose the scholarship after the first year. Afterwards, he'd had difficulty finding a job, with most people saying that they didn't want someone that dropped out. Eventually, he completely stopped. He could thankfully say that he didn't resort to substance abuse, but it was still difficult for him. And so he allowed his friends to convince him to help them rob the pharmacy.

He didn't know where they found the weapons, and he was too afraid to ask. But that day, he had been ready to do whatever it took.

Until the boy told him to shoot.

He had frozen in horror when he looked into the teenager's eyes. He wasn't being brave or stupid. It was his sincerest wish to die. Toris had never seen anyone look so… broken inside. And when he adjusted the aim of his gun… Toris realised that he couldn't do it. Not only couldn't he bring himself to shoot the boy, but he also couldn't help but wonder what had happened in his life to bring him to that point. The clothes he wore weren't too shabby, and he looked clean enough…

The boy's eyes scared him, to be honest. And so, Toris had managed to convince his friend to run away, and they got their other friend to drive away as well. And the friend that was with him in the pharmacy agreed that it wasn't natural for a teenager to have that look in his eyes.

The encounter had made Toris re-evaluate his life, and he decided that he would find a job that didn't require a lot of qualifications. He noticed that the art gallery was looking for a receptionist, and he could at least do some bookkeeping (it had been his major, before he lost the scholarship). He arranged for an interview, and he was surprised to see the picture frame on one of the owners' desk. The two boys looked a lot like the one that he had encountered. But the eyes were different.

And when Romulus revealed he had a third son in the hospital, he immediately knew who it was, and why he was there. And after a long mental debate, he decided that he would come to thank the boy that forced him to want to change his life for the better.

Lovino looked confused, and Toris didn't blame him.

"What are you thanking me for?" he asked.

Toris gave a small smile.

"Let's just say, you scared me straight," he said, before his smile fell. "That being said, don't ever do that again. Other people might not react the way _I_ did."

"And how would that be bad?" Lovino asked.

Toris sighed.

"I know you might feel that your life doesn't have meaning," he said. "But if a random stranger decided to thank you for giving him a new perspective… Perhaps your life has more of an impact than you think."

…

Feliks was standing outside of the hospital room. He didn't quite trust the man who wanted to speak with Lovino alone, but what Feliks heard only confused him. It was clear that both Lovino and the man knew what they were talking about, and it had something to do with Lovino being in the hospital. And what was this about scaring him straight?

"I-I brought you something," the man said. "Just a 'thank you'."

Feliks wanted to see what the man was supposedly giving him, but he didn't know how to do it without being seen.

"A chocolate bar?" Lovino asked, confused.

"I'm sorry," the man said. "I should have gotten you flowers instead, but I think it might have been awkward."

"…Yeah, don't bring me flowers. But… thank you."

"So… I guess I should leave. I hope you feel better soon."

Hearing that, Feliks's eyes widened, and he quickly slipped into the next room, thankful that it was unoccupied, or at least temporarily unoccupied. He listened carefully as the older male's footsteps disappeared, and sighed in relief. Confident that Lovino was safe, he set off to find his father, like he told Lovino's family he would do.

…

"We shouldn't have left," Marcello said.

"I know," Romulus sighed. "Hopefully we'll be able to find out what the story is from Lovino later."

"Unless the guy managed to scare Lovino even more than he already is."

"Um, Papa?" Feliciano interrupted. "Where are we going?"

"To the pharmacy," Romulus said. "I want to check something out."

"This isn't the one we usually go to," Marcello remarked.

"But Lovino recently went to this pharmacy. I have a question for the pharmacist."

Marcello didn't ask any more questions, and when his father parked, he and Feliciano followed after the older male as he made his way to the pharmacist.

"How may I help you?" the man asked, though Marcello noticed that he eyed him and Feliciano.

"I wonder if you remember seeing my son earlier this week," Romulus asked. "He bought a box of anti-depressants."

Marcello's eyes widened. Lovino actually _had_ anti-depressants?

The pharmacist looked between Feliciano and Marcello again, and he sighed, nodding his head.

"Yeah, he was in here the other day," he said. "But neither of these two is him."

"He's in the hospital right now," Romulus said. "I just want to know if you remember any other details."

The pharmacist looked uncomfortable, and he once again looked between Marcello and Feliciano. As though their desperate expressions convinced him, he sighed.

"There was an attempted robbery the other day," the pharmacist explained. "The men were armed. Your son… he stepped in front of one of the robbers and told him to shoot. Scared them off. He saved my store, to be honest. I _gave_ him those pills – they're mild and don't require a prescription. But your son _needs_ proper, professional help."

Marcello stared at the man in horror, a look that was reflected on the other two's faces. What _else_ did Lovino go through?

**I was asked to clarify who Toris is, so here it is. I originally wanted the robbers to just be nameless, but then I figured that it might be a good idea to show that Lovino has an impact on other people's lives, whether or not he sees it himself.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Thanks to lukabondevik, Carina Sicily and ann25099 for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 27**

Marcello, Feliciano and Romulus got into their car, completely shocked by what the pharmacist had told them. Lovino had been caught in a store robbery, and had told them to shoot him. Romulus felt sick just thinking about it.

Lovino was in a truly dangerous situation, and he had made it potentially _more_ dangerous for himself. If the robbers hadn't been scared off… Then Lovino would have gotten what he wanted. He would have died. In fact, the pharmacist said that Lovino admitted to the robber holding a gun to his head that he _wanted_ to die.

And Lovino hadn't told them about it. And Romulus could understand why. Lovino didn't trust them. Romulus tried to think of how he would have reacted if Lovino _did_ say anything about the incident. He wanted to believe that he would have been able to help his son in some way, but the cold truth was, if Lovino _had_ told him, then he would have dismissed it as a lie. As an attempt to get attention.

And what else? What else did Lovino not tell them? How many close encounters did he have? How many times had he managed to cheat death? And what did Romulus say to Lovino that day? Did he have to endure something as horrific as a robbery and _still_ be forced to listen to his father verbally abusing him?

And the worst part was, Romulus knew that he couldn't ask Lovino about it. It would only push him further away. And at this point in time it would be a tremendously bad idea. If he pushed his son away… If he caused Lovino to feel that same desperation that he had felt before swallowing those pills… There was a chance that he would try again. And the next time he tried, he might just be successful.

Barring the time he was told about the accident, he'd never been so afraid in his life. He'd lost his wife, and he almost lost his son. And now, he was extremely close to losing his son again. Almost did. Like the psychiatrist said, Lovino's mind was unstable. The slightest push could send him crumbling down. The more he thought about it, the more he realised that the psychiatrist was right. He'd seen how unstable Lovino's mind was the previous evening, when he unleashed his pent-up anger and demanded to know _why_ he was alive.

Romulus glanced towards Marcello. It didn't escape his notice that his youngest son had grown protective of his eldest. But Marcello had _seen_ Lovino suffering, and had seen how no one else was willing to help him. He'd seen first-hand how broken Lovino was. And after the revelation at the pharmacy, Marcello in particular looked shaken up.

That wasn't to say that Feliciano wasn't horrified by the revelation. Feliciano was desperately trying to hold back his tears. But Marcello had seen the signs, and had tried to fix the danger. He felt like a failure.

But Marcello wasn't at fault at all. He at least had _seen_ the pain Lovino was going through. He at least had _tried_ to help. And what did Romulus do? He pushed his son over the edge. If anyone had to make it up to Lovino, it was _him_.

Which was why he stopped in front of another store.

…

"Wow," Marcello said, going through the box. "Lovino has some pretty nice bookmarks."

Feliciano nodded his head in agreement. Their father was busy directing the deliverymen, and the two brothers decided that they would look for a bookmark for Lovino. He had quite the collection. Many of them were artistic, which was a stark contrast to many bookmarks they'd actually seen the few times they'd gone to the bookstore.

"Look," Marcello said, holding up a particular bookmark.

Feliciano leaned closer, and the two read the words on the paper. _To Lovino Vargas. Happy birthday. Might your year be full of happy reading. Dorello Books._

It was the name of the largest bookstore in the town. Did Lovino frequent it enough for them to create a personalised bookmark for his birthday?

"Why don't we take this one?" Feliciano suggested. "It might, you know… show him."

Marcello looked towards his brother, seeing the guilt on Feliciano's face. Marcello nodded his head in understanding and agreement.

"And we can probably ask him about how they know his birthday," Marcello said. "Hey, Feli? Would you like to do something to show Lovino that we care about him?"

They had made it a point to stop calling him 'Lovi', after hearing that his tormentors used that nickname when they were torturing him. They didn't even dare to call him that when they were alone. Somehow, it just felt wrong. Like a slap in the face.

Feliciano looked at Marcello, a sad yet eager look on his face.

"Of course," he said. "If it helps him, and if it shows him that he's not alone."

Marcello smiled, before gesturing towards the bookmarks.

"We know what he likes," he said. "Maybe you can make one?"

Feliciano's eyes widened as his face lit up.

"Si, I can do that!" he exclaimed. "Something that Lovino would _really_ like!"

Feliciano went through the bookmarks again, studying them closely. Marcello frowned in thought.

"Hey, Feli," he said. "I just realised… I don't remember ever buying Lovino a birthday gift."

Feliciano froze, before he looked down in guilt.

"And I didn't exactly give him gifts that he would really like," he said. "I mean, Lovino once gave me this kit with about 120 coloured pencils. Ve, those things are pretty expensive. And I… I usually just give him boxes of chocolate or something."

Marcello winced.

"Si," he said. "The type of gift you give when you don't know _what_ to give."

The two were silent for a while.

"You're sixteen," Marcello said. "Why don't we make it up to Lovino? Sixteen birthday gifts?"

Feliciano beamed.

"That sounds like a good idea!" he said. "But… would we have enough money?"

Marcello turned his attention to the upstairs.

"I have a feeling that padre might be a bit more willing to help us out than he usually would have been," he said.

…

When Nurse Tino went to check on Lovino Vargas, he found the boy to be asleep. Considering it was a hospital with little to do, he wasn't too surprised. But it would seem that Lovino at least had _some _form of entertainment.

Tino eyed the pile of books, wondering if the teenager would really be able to read all of them. Perhaps it would be necessary to get him some music in here as well. And perhaps get him a remote for the TV.

He needed to check on Lovino's vitals, but he would let the boy rest for a while. He was there under suicide watch, and though Tino didn't know the circumstances, he knew that it wasn't something one did because things were going great.

Tino busied himself with the report from the nurse who was in charge the previous shift. She mentioned in the report that the restraint had been moved to his uninjured ankle to allow him to read his books. He was also given a pizza to eat at his leisure, which was also the only thing he seemed willing to eat at the moment. Which would explain the large box.

While Tino was looking at the paper, he suddenly heard a whimper. He turned around to the patient, whose face was twisted in distress.

"Lovino?" Tino asked.

The boy remained asleep, but his breathing had picked up and he was starting to thrash his head side to side. A nightmare.

Tino didn't know whether or not to wake the boy, but then he let out another whimper.

"N-no," he whimpered. "S-stop."

Tino decided that it would probably be a good idea to wake the teen, but just as he reached out his hand, the boy let out a cry, filled with terror.

"No!" he cried out.

Tino quickly grabbed him by the shoulders and gently shook.

"Lovino, it's alright," he said. "Wake up. You're safe now. You're safe."

The boy's eyes snapped open, but Tino could tell that he wasn't yet awake. He was still trapped in whatever horror he was facing.

Still processing that fact, he didn't realise that the boy had started struggling again, at least until he was punched in the chest. As he recovered, he realised that Lovino was looking around, as though searching for something. His eyes widened in horror when Lovino brought up his injured arm and slammed it down on the side of the bed, where the metal railing was.

"No!" Tino exclaimed, grabbing hold of Lovino again. "Don't do that. Don't…"

Lovino wasn't in his right mind. He was a teen looking for some way to escape reality. But in his case, it had been a fantasy. A nightmare. A nightmare that shook him to the core.

"I need help in here!" Tino shouted.

Tino was holding down the boy's arms, trying to prevent him from slamming his broken wrist into the side of the bed again. He felt dismayed when he noticed the teen kicking out, his injured ankle coming into view.

A few other nurses and even one or two doctors came by. They immediately set to work trying to calm Lovino down.

"What happened?" one of his colleagues asked.

"He had a nightmare and _this_ happened," Tino explained.

"A _nightmare_?!" another nurse asked. "This looks more like a PTSD episode!"

That made Tino pause to think. Did the teen have a nightmare of something that actually happened in his life? And was it something that helped contribute to him thinking that it would be better for him to die?

"Give room," the tired voice of Doctor Fryderyk spoke from beside him.

They did as the doctor asked, watching him inject something in the boy's arm. A sedative. Lovino cried out at the initial shock of pain, and after a few seconds his struggles grew weaker. Tino watched as his eyes rolled back in their sockets before they closed, and the boy was sleeping again.

Relieved that everything was over, everyone moved away and started drifting off to resume their work. Tino slumped in relief, before Doctor Fryderyk patted him on the arm.

"What exactly happened?" Fryderyk asked.

"He had a nightmare, and after he woke up, he slammed his broken wrist into the side of the bed and…" Tino started to explain. "He was muttering 'no' and 'stop'. You don't think…?"

Fryderyk narrowed his eyes.

"Whatever it is, it seemed to have traumatised him," he said. "We can't afford for him to have an episode like that again. Until further notice, he is not allowed to sleep during the day, and when he _does_ sleep at night it would be after receiving his medication. Make sure that everyone gets this message."

Tino nodded his head, before glancing towards the unconscious teenager. If it really _was_ a memory he was reliving, then Tino shuddered to think of what it might have been.

…

"Well, we're going to have to add a bit of variety," Romulus said thoughtfully. "I don't think having nothing but books would be the best set of gifts."

They were in the hospital, on their way to Lovino's room. Feliciano and Marcello had told their father about their idea regarding making up for lost time regarding Lovino, and the older male had to agree that it didn't sound like too bad an idea. Of course, it wasn't only the gifts, but also spending time with him. Actually getting to know him.

When they neared Lovino's room, Romulus could immediately tell that something was wrong. Fryderyk was standing outside, a grim expression on his face. And when the doctor noticed them, he left his post to meet them.

"Did something happen?" Romulus asked, thinking of the doctor's words earlier. How Lovino's injuries would have been enough to kill him.

"Unfortunately," Fryderyk sighed. "Lovino fell asleep and apparently had a triggering nightmare. When he woke up, his first instinct had been to slam his broken wrist into the bed's metal railing. He's been sedated before he tries to hurt himself again."

Romulus's eyes widened when he heard that. A _nightmare_ caused Lovino to try to hurt himself? And slamming a broken wrist into metal… that had to _hurt_.

"W-will he be okay?" Feliciano asked.

Fryderyk glanced towards him and sighed.

"To be honest, I'm not sure," he said. "I already informed the psychiatrist, and he's coming tomorrow. But it's as Doctor Williams said: it looks almost as though Lovino is suffering from PTSD. The way he was acting earlier… And according to the nurse in charge when this all began, he said something pretty worrisome while talking in his sleep."

Romulus felt a shiver of fear race down his spine.

"What did he say?" he asked, dreading the answer.

Fryderyk glanced between Marcello and Feliciano before he sighed.

"'No' and 'stop'," he said.

Romulus froze. It couldn't be. Lovino… he _couldn't_ have been… But there was so much he didn't tell them… And thinking about how much he disliked physical contact…

"You don't think he was…?" he whispered.

"We can't be sure," Fryderyk said. "If he wakes up and is calm, we can try to ask him. However, the odds of receiving an answer are slim. But if it _is_ what happened… Then our job became a lot trickier."

Romulus glanced inside the room and he hoped, _prayed_ that it wasn't the case. That Lovino hadn't been…

"How long is he going to stay sedated?" Romulus asked.

"The dosage should knock him out until tomorrow morning," Fryderyk said. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted to visit him…"

"No," Romulus interrupted, shaking his head. "You did what you had to do. But… Does it mean that Lovino's not going to come home soon?"

"Doctor Williams _did_ advise us to keep him here for at least a week. If we don't see any improvements, we might have to consider other alternatives."

…

Lovino awoke, feeling groggy and heavy. And for some reason, his right wrist hurt more than before. He glanced down and saw that the arm was now in a sling. When did that happen?

"How are you feeling?"

He turned to look at the nurse, wincing when the light was turned on. How long had the nurse been there?

"What time is it?" he croaked.

"Four in the morning," the nurse responded. "Do you remember anything about yesterday afternoon?"

Lovino frowned. He tried to think of what happened and…

The dream. The memory. The urge to cut. Not finding anything. Voices around him. Scaring him. Raising his arm…

He flinched as he recalled how he had slammed his wrist into the metal railing. He turned to the nurse, and he knew that there was fear on his face.

"What's going to happen now?" he asked.

The nurse smiled at him warmly, although he could tell that she was worried.

"Doctor Williams has been informed of the incident," she said. "He'll come by later this morning to speak with you. Please, I implore you to tell him what happened. It's the only way we can help you."

Lovino averted his eyes.

"And what's going to happen if you _can't_ help me?" he asked.

The nurse was silent, before she gestured to one of the books beside his bed.

"Simply put, you won't be able to read any books," she said.

"What?" Lovino asked sharply, pushing himself up by his elbow.

"If they feel that you need to be sent to a psych ward or clinic, then they're not going to allow you to bring books along," the nurse said sadly. "They wouldn't want anything that could interfere with your treatment."

Lovino had been fine with the thought of being sent away somewhere. He convinced himself that it would be better, where he couldn't mess up his family's lives anymore. They could forget about him and move on. But… If he wasn't allowed to bring books with him… Asides from cutting, they were his one escape. If he couldn't have them…

Lovino bit back a curse as he realised that he would _have_ to talk about the dream. The worst birthday of his life.

…

"Do you think Lovino will be awake this time?" Feliciano asked hopefully.

"He should be," Romulus said. "I don't think sedatives last that long."

"What do you think could have caused him to react like that?" Marcello asked.

"I have my suspicions," Romulus said. "I just hope I'm wrong."

When they arrived at Lovino's room, it was with relief that they saw that he was indeed awake, reading one of the thinner books. Feliciano wondered if Lovino had finished the previous book, before noticing that his right arm was in a sling. Was he reading a thinner book because it's easier to hold with one hand?

"Lovino," Romulus said, startling the teen.

Lovino whipped his head in their direction, and after a few moments realised who interrupted him. His face flushed as he closed the book, putting it on the bedside table.

"We brought you a bookmark," Marcello said, holding it out to him.

Lovino took the bookmark and his eyes widened. Feliciano thought he saw pain in his brother's eyes, and tried to think of something that could cheer him up.

"Ve, you must go there a lot if they gave you a personalised bookmark," Feliciano said, snapping Lovino out of his stupor.

"It's reserved for someone with over ten thousand points on their loyalty cards," Lovino explained.

"And… how much did you spend to get those points?" Romulus asked sceptically.

"Don't worry, not all of it is _your_ money," Lovino said. "Well, allowance money. Once a month, the school librarian asks me to clean the shelves and she pays me for it."

"So, you work for the school library?" Feliciano asked.

Lovino shrugged.

"Well, I'm the only one that goes there, with the exception of Feliks," he said. "And it's the least I could do for protecting me."

Protect. Was that why Lovino loved books? Because they offered him the protection that no one else did?

**The bookmark collection is because I've been searching for bookmarks for the last few months, but I didn't want it to be those magnetic bookmarks, or something with an 'inspirational message', or something goofy, or advertising. I wanted something visually appealing. The only bookmark I had that fit the description was this golden dragon with holographic effect. Luckily, on Friday we managed to find a bookstore that actually sold decent bookmarks, and my uncle, who is a graphic designer, said that he would print a few bookmarks for me.**

**I know that if they're addressing someone as 'mother' or 'father', then it should be capitalised, but the lack of capitalisation also represents the lack of closeness (Lovino) and respect (Marcello) for Romulus.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks to Senii for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 28**

Lovino looked up when there was a knock on the door, and the moment he had been dreading had arrived. Standing at the door was none other than Doctor Matthew Williams, his briefcase at his side. The man smiled as he entered, before sitting down on the chair next to the bed.

"Good morning, Lovino," the psychiatrist greeted. "How are you feeling now?"

Lovino averted his eyes, focusing on the bedsheets.

"…You heard about what happened yesterday, didn't you?" he asked.

Matthew sighed, nodding his head.

"Tell me, do you usually have the compulsion to harm yourself when you've had a nightmare?" Matthew asked.

Lovino flinched, biting his lip.

"…Only when the nightmare is a really bad memory," he admitted.

"And… Was yesterday's really that bad?" Matthew asked.

"It's one of the worst I have."

"Would you mind telling me about it?"

Lovino hesitated. He didn't really want to share, but he remembered what the nurse said. About the possibility of him being sent away where he wouldn't be able to read books. If he could just give his cooperation…

"It… was my tenth birthday," Lovino admitted. "Because ten is a 'big year', as my father said, he arranged something big. A pool party. He made arrangements to take everyone there."

Matthew didn't interrupt, but Lovino could tell that he was listening closely. He'd never shared this with anyone, and he had hoped never to. It was a wound that was far too deep. But the results of that memory were seen by all. His wrist, now more painful, was evidence of that.

"It was more Feliciano's party than mine," Lovino said. "He's the one that could swim. He's the one that has all the friends. I was just… _there_."

"You couldn't swim?" Matthew asked gently.

"Still can't. A-anyway, I went in the water, though I stayed at the shallow end. But then… _those _three…"

The events flashed by. The dream had made them fresh again.

_Lovino was in the shallow end of the pool, simply enjoying the feeling of the cool water. He could see everyone else splashing around, having fun, and occasionally he would duck his head underwater, but he didn't dare venture further in. As it was, he remained near the wall._

"_Man, so lame," a familiar voice said, making Lovino freeze. "You do know what the point of a swimming pool is, right?"_

"_Of course he doesn't," Francis added to Gilbert's statement. "He's too stupid to know something like that, after all."_

_Lovino looked up. Standing along the side of the pool were Gilbert, Francis and Antonio. Their eyes held something dark in them, and Lovino felt an immense amount of fear upon seeing them._

"_L-leave me alone," he tried valiantly, pushing himself away from the wall and trying to create distance between them._

"_That's not very nice," Antonio said._

_Lovino swallowed nervously when the three of them climbed into the pool. He tried to walk away from them. He tried to get to the other side. But walking in a pool wasn't easy, and they could easily catch up by swimming up to him. Soon, he was completely surrounded by them._

"_Let's show you what you _should_ do in a pool," Francis said as they grabbed him._

_Lovino wanted to cry out, but someone pushed his head down, causing his mouth to go underwater. He let out an instinctual cry as the chlorinated water entered his mouth, and quickly shut it. When his mouth was above water again, he quickly spat it out, and it took him a moment to realise that they were no longer in the same position. The other three were dragging him along to the deep end._

"_W-what are you doing?" he demanded, his voice a squeak due to fear._

"_We're giving Feli a birthday present," Antonio said. "The best."_

_Lovino was confused, but Gilbert's snicker filled him with more fear._

"_We're going to save him the embarrassment of being _your _twin brother," Gilbert whispered._

_Lovino's eyes widened when he realised what they were intending to do with him, and that was also when he realised that they were all that was keeping him up. His feet were no longer touching the floor of the pool._

_Just as he let out a cry to call for help, the three of them pushed him down. Again, the chlorinated water entered his mouth, and he could feel as some of it went down his throat. He tried to get back to the surface, but the combined strength of the three of them was too much. He'd closed his mouth to prevent more water from entering, but any breath he'd had earlier was knocked out the moment he'd been forced underwater. And the urge to breathe in was becoming overwhelming._

_Two words kept repeating in his mind: 'no' and 'stop'. He never realised how terrifying it could be if the ability to say those words was robbed from him._

_Out of instinctual desperation, he lashed out with his fists, and one managed to connect with flesh. He was released, and he realised that he'd managed to punch one of them in a place where it would be most definitely felt. That gave him an idea, and he raised his legs, feeling his body wanting to float but not knowing how to accomplish that, and he kicked the other two in the same place._

_He used the action as a type of springboard, and he pushed himself towards the wall. He was operating on pure instinct now, and he could feel himself getting lower. His feet touched the floor, and he jumped up, and he continued to jump until he could reach the wall. He jumped again, hands outstretched until he could feel the edge, and managed to get a grip with both hands. He pulled himself up, coughing and spluttering as he tried to regain his breath._

"_There he is!" Gilbert shouted._

_Lovino's eyes widened again, and he turned to face the three of them. He didn't have the energy to pull himself out, but he refused to have them come anywhere near him._

"_Go away!" he shouted. "Why can't you bastards just leave me alone?"_

"_Come on," Francis said. "We just want to play."_

"_Fuck you! You think I'm fucking stupid? I'm not…"_

"_LOVINO!"_

_Lovino's voice died when he heard his father's voice. He looked up, seeing his father scowling down at him, his hands on his hips._

"_What is going on here?" Romulus asked coldly._

"_We were just playing," Antonio said innocently. "He's the one that got mad because he was losing."_

"_N-no," Lovino quickly stammered. "They were…"_

"_I don't want to hear any excuses!" Romulus snapped. "I will not have one of your tantrums ruining Feliciano's birthday!"_

"It was at that moment that I felt my heart break a little more. Because he specifically said that he wouldn't let me ruin my _twin brother's _birthday. It was as though he forgot that it was my birthday too. And he refused to listen to me."

_Lovino could feel tears well up in his eyes. He was currently being surrounded by the four people that hated him most in the world. On his birthday. But what did it matter? Just the day where one should celebrate someone's existence… And they tried to kill him. And his father refused to listen. Because he would ruin his brother's birthday._

_It was rare that Lovino had felt so unwanted. He wanted to duck down into the water again. He wanted to open his mouth and have the water fill his lungs. But not with _them_ there. Not when they would make it worse._

_He felt a jolt when he realised that he _wanted_ to die. He… he needed to get away from there._

"I forced myself out of the pool," Lovino sobbed. "Got dressed, and walked to the cemetery. I spent the rest of my birthday with my mother, the only person who would have _wanted_ to spend it with me."

Lovino was no longer looking at Matthew, the tears flowing too heavily. He hugged himself with his uninjured arm, mindful of the injured one. That was the first time in his life that he'd entertained the idea of suicide.

"I'm so sorry," Matthew said. "Would… Would it be alright if I hugged you?"

Lovino didn't bother asking why the psychiatrist felt the need to ask him that. He realised that it was most likely because he wanted to avoid seeming inappropriate. But he nodded his head, seeking the comfort so rarely offered to him. And when he felt the other's arms wrap around him gently, he buried his face in the other's chest, his sobs growing harder.

He didn't know how long they remained like that, with Matthew rubbing soothing circles on his shoulder. Eventually, though, Lovino found it to be too much of an effort to cry, and the sobs died down.

"Do you feel better now?" Matthew asked as he pulled away.

Lovino nodded his head as he wiped his eyes.

"Sorry about that," he said, his voice almost faded.

"It's alright," Matthew said. "Sometimes we just need to let it out. So, do you mind talking about it a bit more?"

"What do you mean?"

"How do you feel around water after the incident? Do you feel nervous or…?"

Lovino understood what the therapist was trying to do. He wanted to avoid this conversation, but the thought of losing his right to books made him sigh in frustration.

"I'm generally fine," he said. "I mean… I… tried to… to d-drown m-myself l-last w-week. It's just… I don't like… being near a large body of water when other people are around."

"I see," Matthew nodded. "You don't fear drowning. You fear _being_ drowned."

Lovino paused, before nodding his head. It sounded about right.

"And how do you feel about your brother?" Matthew asked. "They said that they were intending for it to be a 'birthday gift' for him."

"It's not Feli's fault," Lovino sighed. "The only thing he's guilty of is living in a fantasy world where everyone is the best of friends."

"So, you're upset because he never noticed what's going on?"

Lovino nodded his head.

"And what about the fact that your father only acknowledged your brother's birthday and not yours?" Matthew asked.

"…It's not Feliciano's fault," Lovino said. "He was just… He's someone born for people to just love, and I… as his twin…"

"Stop that thought right now!" Matthew snapped. "You were _not_ born to be hated. There is _nothing_ wrong with _you_."

Lovino flinched, closing his eyes. He could feel a fresh wave of tears welling inside them.

"…Based on what you've told me, I have a few guesses regarding your bullies," Matthew said. "They seem to have sociopathic tendencies. They realised that they could hurt you without suffering repercussions, and that caused them to try and figure out how far it could go. Unfortunately, it went on for too long. None of this is _your_ fault, though. The problem lies with the authority figures who failed to stop any of this. With _everyone _who failed to stop this."

Lovino _wanted_ to believe Matthew. He really did. But he'd gone _years_ with people telling him that _he_ had to accept responsibility for everything. That they felt sorry for his family members for being related to him. That he could do nothing right, and that he only ruined things when he tried. That there was nothing likeable about him.

He hugged himself tighter, and Matthew grabbed the food table, placing the pen and paper he'd left the previous day on top of it and pulling it closer to Lovino.

"I want you to write down whatever's going through your mind," Matthew said. "You can choose any method. If you want to show me later, I would appreciate it, but if you don't, I understand."

Lovino stared at the two items, before he hesitantly grabbed the pen.

"Do you mind if I tell your father and the doctor about your dream?" Matthew asked.

"Why?" Lovino demanded, feeling a small wave of panic.

"…You were muttering in your sleep. What you were saying, how you said it, and how you were acting when you woke up… Well, at the moment, half of the hospital is under the impression that you were raped."

And that was the point where Lovino discovered that it was possible to choke on air.

After a few seconds of spluttering with Matthew gently pounding him on his back, Lovino turned to the Canadian with wide eyes.

"What?" Lovino gasped.

"Your behaviour was consistent to that of a victim of sexual abuse," Matthew said simply. "At least, that's what I was told. I think your aversion to physical contact might also be why everyone came to that conclusion."

Lovino gaped at the psychiatrist for a long moment, before he shook his head.

"Those bastards might have done a lot of awful things to me," he said, "but they never did _that_. I… Sure, I guess. You can tell them about the dream."

Despite what everyone said about him, he wasn't the type of person looking for attention or sympathy, especially when it was from something false. He also didn't want his father to believe that something like that had happened to him.

He was just worried about what his father's reaction would be when he found out what _actually_ happened. Despite everything that he had said and done to him, Lovino still loved his father.

…

Matthew sighed, standing before Doctor Fryderyk's office. They had been waiting for him inside, and now he had to deliver his report. Thankfully, Lovino had given his consent, so he wasn't violating the confidentiality any more than he already had.

But the latest news was actually pretty disturbing. He knew that the bullies were the same age as Lovino, and at the age of ten (unless Lovino's birthday was before theirs, making them _nine_), they had tried to kill a fellow child, in one of the most frightening ways possible.

He hadn't been lying when he said that it sounded as though the bullies had sociopathic tendencies. He felt that they needed to get treatment before things got too out of hand, and someone else became their victim. But unfortunately, he wasn't qualified to handle sociopaths.

Now, he had to focus on the immediate situation. And that involved telling Lovino's family that he had survived a murder attempt, and that it still haunted him.

He opened the door, and immediately all four pairs of eyes trailed to him. Lovino's brothers were also there; they had insisted on staying. Matthew's eyes lingered on them, knowing that one of them would _definitely_ be devastated by the news he was about to deliver.

"Well?" Fryderyk asked. "Has he told you what happened?"

Matthew nodded his head.

"It was indeed a PTSD episode," he said. "However, he was quick to assure me that it wasn't sexual abuse. In fact, he seemed surprised that that's what everyone thought."

Collectively, everyone seemed to relax, but only a little. The worst-case scenario, at least in their minds, wasn't the truth.

"I guess that's _some_ good news," Fryderyk sighed. "But… What could have caused a reaction like that?"

"His tenth birthday party," Matthew said.

Looks of bewilderment filled the room. What could have caused a _birthday party_ to be so traumatic, they must have been thinking. And it was obvious that none of them knew what he was talking about.

"That was the birthday where you took them to a pool, correct?" Matthew asked, directing the question at Romulus.

"Si," Romulus nodded, recognition lighting his eyes. "I remember that. Lovino left before we cut the cake."

"Do you know _why_ he left?"

Romulus averted his eyes. He remembered, yes, but with all the new information he received regarding his son, he didn't know how to say it.

Matthew now had a choice to make. He could try to soften the blow, or he could repeat _everything_ that Lovino had told him. He glanced towards Romulus. By all counts, he should classify him as being verbally and emotionally abusive. The only thing that made him pause was the genuine remorse in the man's eyes. He had been oblivious, but Lovino had still paid the price for that obliviousness. And then he glanced towards Lovino's brothers again. One of them would be hurt, but if it would help them all recover, then it would be necessary. And so, he heaved a heavy sigh.

"He admitted that it was more his twin's party than his," Matthew said. "After all, a pool party isn't much fun if you can't swim."

The Vargas trio looked at each other in shock. Apparently, they didn't realise that detail about Lovino.

"But he still went into the water," Matthew continued. "And then his bullies joined him."

One or two of them seemed to pale. They knew that whatever Matthew was going to tell them, it couldn't be good.

"They dragged him to the deep end, told him that it was a birthday gift to his brother, and tried to drown him."

"W-what?" one of the brothers asked, eyes widening. "W-why?"

Matthew guessed that this was the twin, and he clenched his eyes shut.

"They told him that they would save you the embarrassment of being his twin," he said.

Feliciano looked utterly devastated. The other brother, Marcello, wrapped an arm around him, trying to calm him down.

"He managed to get away," Matthew said, turning his attention to Romulus. "He tried to defend himself the only way he could: through his words. And that's when you came in. You told him that you wouldn't allow his tantrums to ruin his brother's birthday."

The others reacted just as he anticipated: they looked completely horrified. Matthew sighed.

"That was the last birthday party he attended," he said.

Feliciano suddenly stood up and ran out of the room. Matthew looked after the boy with guilt.


	29. Chapter 29

**Thanks to Carina Sicily and schwalzy for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 29**

Feliciano ran towards Lovino's room. The psychiatrist's words… It hurt him, because it hurt Lovino. _He_ had been used to hurt Lovino. He was always upset about Lovino not wanting to share their birthday together, and their father would often scold Lovino for being 'selfish'. But Lovino had almost been _killed_ on their birthday, the one day when he was supposed to be _celebrated_, and…

Lovino should hate him. _Why_ didn't Lovino say anything about it, when Feliciano asked him what he had done to hurt him? When he told Feliciano that the thing he did wrong was _nothing_. He did nothing to help or protect his brother.

He could actually remember that birthday, now that he thought about it. And he felt himself growing sick when he realised just how _stupid_ he was for not seeing the problem back then.

_Feliciano went into the bathroom, which also served as the changing room. There, with his back turned to him, he could see Lovino, his shoulders trembling and sniffles escaping. It looked as though Lovino was putting on his shoes._

"_What's wrong, fratello?" Feliciano asked. "Why are you dressed?"_

_Lovino flinched, and he quickly wiped his face before he turned to face Feliciano._

"_I'm leaving," he said. "I'm going to visit Mama."_

"_Huh?" Feliciano asked. "But… What about the party?"_

"_No one wants me here. I'd rather go to the only person that liked me."_

"_But… Mama's dead, Lovi."_

"_I know that. And don't call me 'Lovi'! I hate that nickname."_

"_But… Don't you want cake?"_

_Lovino shook his head, before he grabbed his bag. He stormed past Feliciano, who grabbed his arm._

"_Don't touch me!" Lovino snapped, turning around to face Feliciano. "Just leave me alone!"_

_Feliciano recoiled, and Lovino averted his gaze._

"_Happy birthday," Lovino said, before he walked out._

Feliciano remembered being upset for a while, and everyone tried to make him feel better. Everyone told him that he shouldn't listen to anything Lovino said, and that it was his loss. And Lovino would get into trouble for not wanting to attend their birthday parties that followed.

But now Feliciano knew better. Lovino had almost been killed, and no one cared. And if everyone tried to comfort Feliciano, and told him that Lovino was the one at fault… then what did they tell Lovino? Did they use it as a way to hurt him?

Feliciano shuddered when he realised that Lovino must have received the opposite of the words that he received. He knew that their father had called Lovino selfish, childish and entitled. But Lovino was afraid. He was afraid that someone would attack him again. And he was hurt by the fact that people acted as though it wasn't his birthday too. That they only cared about Feliciano.

And Feliciano did nothing. He didn't really try to reach out. He was hurt, but he never tried to see what Lovino wanted. He never tried to find out what Lovino was feeling.

Feliciano was the selfish one.

He recalled how Gilbert, Francis and Antonio spoke about Lovino the previous day. How they had casually said all those horrible things, and also how they had casually inserted Feliciano and Marcello in their conversation. How many times had they done it with Lovino present? What did they say? Was Feliciano a tool they used to hurt his brother?

Feliciano stopped at Lovino's door, seeing his twin brother sitting in the bed with a pen in his hand and a notepad in front of him. Feliciano only allowed a second to take in the scene, before he ran up to his brother. Lovino looked up just in time before Feliciano threw his arms around him in a tight hug.

"Gah!" Lovino cried out in pain. "Feli, broken ribs!"

Feliciano gasped when he realised he was hurting his brother, and he quickly released him. Lovino winced, rubbing his ribcage with his uninjured hand.

"I'm so sorry!" Feliciano exclaimed. "I can't stop hurting you, can I?"

"What are you talking about?" Lovino asked.

"The therapist told us about our tenth birthday. Fratello, why didn't you tell me?"

Lovino flinched, and he averted his eyes.

"…I didn't want to ruin your birthday," he said.

"It was _our_ birthday," Feliciano said. "And they ruined it for you. Fratello, you are _not_ an embarrassment. Don't listen to them."

Lovino clenched his eyes shut, and Feliciano could tell that his brother was trying hard not to cry. Feliciano reached out his hand, but stopped, unsure if it was safe to touch his brother. First of all, Lovino might reject the contact, as he had done many times before. Second, he might hurt his brother again.

"Fratello, why don't you hate me?" Feliciano asked.

"What?" Lovino asked shakily, opening his eyes and turning to him. "Why should I hate you?"

"Because… They used me to hurt you. It's not the only time it happened, is it?"

Lovino flinched, averting his gaze. That was all the confirmation that Feliciano needed.

"Fratello, what did they tell you?" Feliciano asked. He needed to know.

"…I wrote down all of the bad things people tell me," Lovino admitted. "They're in books I left on my desk… But I know that padre read them, so I don't know if they're still there. If you really want to know… You'll find it in those books."

Feliciano's eyes had grown wide when he heard about those books.

"Why would you write something like that?" he asked. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

"…Because it was originally Mama's idea," Lovino admitted. "If someone said something mean to you, write it down on a piece of paper, and burn the paper. She would always burn the papers I gave her. But when she died… no one to burn the papers. And if I don't write them down… then they stay in my head. All of those voices telling me that I should die or that no one wants me or that I'm a complete waste of space or that I'm not good at anything… Even if they're right, I don't want to hear it the whole time."

"But they're _not_ right. If you were supposed to die, then you would have died in the accident. Cello, Feliks, _me_… We all want you, fratello. You're not a waste of space. And about being good at anything… Lovino, you're smarter than me, you work harder than me, and you're definitely a better judge of character than me. So, there are things you're at least better at than me. And if you're trying to find something you're _good_ at… You haven't tried _everything_, have you? How can you say that you're not good at anything if you didn't try everything? You need to find out what you're good at. Do you understand?"

Lovino was staring at him, as though he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. There were tears in his eyes, and Feliciano knew that his own tears were carving a path down his cheeks. Carefully, he reached out to hug his brother again, feeling a small hint of triumph at the fact that Lovino didn't push him away this time. Instead, Lovino leaned closer, crying into Feliciano's chest. The younger twin rubbed his elder's back, wondering how he could have been so blind for so long.

…

Romulus and Marcello had followed after Feliciano, knowing where he was going. Both of them realised that Feliciano would feel guilty about what they'd heard. But not as guilty as Romulus.

He felt nauseous, learning the circumstances surrounding the birthday party that Lovino had decided to abandon. Because it wasn't _his_ party. And it had been made clear to him that he wasn't wanted. The one day when he was supposed to feel special… and he received the worst treatment.

He couldn't think of how those other three children could have thought that _drowning_ someone – _murdering _someone – would have been a good idea. And how didn't their consciences bother them? Did they even _have_ a conscience?

"Do you understand now?" Marcello asked quietly, not even looking at Romulus. "You hurt Lovino without thinking about it. You hurt him more than everyone. We _trust_ you. Lovino did too. He trusted that you would care for him. That you would protect him. But you _didn't_."

Hearing the venom in his youngest son's voice was painful, but he couldn't deny that it was the truth. It was the duty of a parent to care for their children. To make them feel safe and wanted, no matter what. And he was one of the people that made Lovino feel the opposite. He was probably the person that hurt Lovino the most.

"I need to go to the restroom," Romulus muttered, before he walked away.

He didn't know if Marcello turned to look at him as he walked away, but he knew that his youngest son was disappointed in him. He entered the bathroom, seeing that it was thankfully empty. And then, with his back leaning against the door, he cried.

The image he'd had of Lovino for a long time… That image didn't fit the one that he saw now. He'd always seen a defiant, arrogant brat who only cared about himself. Now… He saw a broken boy who'd known almost nothing but cruelty.

And in his mind's eye, he could see some of their previous encounters with greater clarity. He could see Lovino clinging to the edge of a pool, looking as though he wanted to cry. Why didn't he see it back then? And Lovino didn't usually approach him, and when he did… Why didn't Romulus realise before that Lovino appeared _afraid_?

Someone he was supposed to love was _afraid_ of him. And he couldn't blame him. He remembered some of the things he'd read from those books – the things he recognised as his own words. Lovino was afraid of hearing something like that again. Or worse.

And now, he couldn't get the image of a six-year-old Lovino out of his mind. He'd always recalled finding Lovino in the cemetery – and hearing how he wanted to die. But now, with Lovino's help, the cause of that scene was at the forefront of his mind. He could see his young son, holding a book and looking at him with wide, tear-filled eyes. He wondered if that was the point where Lovino first felt as though Romulus hated him.

And he also wondered… was he the first person that told Lovino that he should have been dead?

Not only did he hurt his son, he allowed others to hurt him as well. He believed others' opinions about his son, instead of listening to Lovino. He never even bothered to get to know him. And now…

Another thing that kept replaying in his mind was when Feliciano called for help, and told him that Lovino had swallowed the bottle of pills. If Feliciano _hadn't_ found him… What would have happened?

Disgust filled him as the truth dawned on him – what would have happened. He would have stormed up to Lovino's room – because they found out that Lovino had left his alarm on. He would have yelled at Lovino to get up, and would have left. Then, if there _still_ wasn't any sign of activity, he would have gone again, probably would've yanked the covers off of Lovino… Would have yelled at him some more… How long would it have taken him to realise that his son wasn't breathing?

Romulus didn't know how long he stayed like that, but eventually he wiped the tears from his face, before he went to properly rinse them off. He looked at himself in the mirror, wincing when he saw the redness in his eyes. He couldn't let his sons see him like this. He wanted to remain strong for them.

But he also didn't want them to think that he didn't care. That had gone on long enough.

With a sigh, he opened the bathroom door, only to find the psychiatrist on the other side.

"Did you get it all out of your system?" Matthew asked, a knowing smile on his face.

"How long were you standing there?" Romulus asked, backing up slightly.

"A while."

Romulus sighed, shaking his head as he exited the bathroom. He might as well ask the therapist for advice.

"What should I do now?" he asked.

"Well…" Matthew mused. "It's difficult to say. You're one of the causes of Lovino's psychological issues, so finding the best way to resolve those issues is our first priority."

Romulus flinched when he heard that description. But in all honesty, he couldn't find a single argument in his defence.

"I also noticed that he seems to have a bit of an inferiority complex when it comes to his brothers," Matthew continued. "Especially his twin. So, first step is to stop comparing them."

Romulus didn't need one of those books for him to hear the echoes of his past self comparing Lovino to his brothers. His talented, cheerful brothers.

"I also suggest spending time with him on neutral grounds," the Canadian said. "Just the two of you. Something that he might enjoy, or something you both would enjoy."

"…There… There might be something," Romulus said. "The night before the accident… My wife told me about Lovino feeling as though I hated him, and I resolved to take him out for ice-cream when they come back, just the two of us. Then the accident happened, and I never took him for ice-cream."

"Then I guess it's long overdue," Matthew remarked with a smile. "You also need to make sure that Lovino is relaxed around you. You won't be able to make any progress if he's nervous. And I would suggest that you watch what you say from now on, and listen to what _he_ has to say."

Romulus winced, but nodded his head. That was the problem, wasn't it? He never listened to Lovino, and he never listened to what he himself had to say.

…

"Are you ready, Feliks?" Felicja called out.

"Like, almost!" he called back.

The Polish woman smiled sadly. Matthew had called and asked her to bring Feliks to the hospital, since he had been needed with Lovino as well. Her husband had informed her and Feliks of the nightmare the Italian teen had, and what he had done upon awakening from it.

She was worried about Lovino. He seemed like a nice boy who had been treated unfairly by everyone that knew him. And when her husband expressed his worries about the nature of the nightmare…

Not to mention, there was Feliks's reaction to everything, though he didn't know the full details. For a long time, her son had been friendless, and it had been one of the reasons why he broke inside. And then he met someone equally, if not more, broken and he hoped that they could be friends. He'd certainly been a lot happier recently. But then, Lovino tried to commit suicide, and Feliks blamed himself for not being enough to help the Italian.

She shook her head of the depressing thoughts. Feliks was still healing from his own ordeals, and now he had to help Lovino heal as well. And she had a feeling that the two of them could help each other more than anyone else could.

"Like, what do you think?"

She turned around to face her son, and her eyes widened in shock. He hadn't gone out in public with girls' clothes since before his attempted suicide. He also had a short-sleeved shirt on, showing the twin scars on his arms.

"Are you sure?" she asked, worry seeping into her tone.

Feliks's face fell.

"Like, you don't like it?" he asked.

"It's not that," she defended. "You look good. But… I thought… Why would you…?"

Feliks seemed to understand what she wanted to say, and he nervously rubbed one arm, averting his eyes.

"I figured… I needed Lovino to see that he's totally not alone," he said. "Like, I'm also… broken. But I'm being fixed! And, like, he knows about… all of this. I guess… If I could _show_ him just… how much I trust him…"

Felicja sighed, ruffling his hair. She had a small smile on her face.

"I'm glad to see that you trust him enough to show him your true self," she said.

Feliks nodded his head, though his expression soon turned sad.

"Like, it's a lot like his situation," he said. "Like, no one saw what he was really like, and decided that he's the same person they lied about."

…

Lovino looked over towards Feliciano and Marcello, who were arguing with the nurse just outside the room. Apparently, his family didn't understand the concept of 'visiting hours', and while the hospital staff were lenient regarding the situation, there was a limit to how much the rules could be bent.

He shook his head. He honestly couldn't understand why they would bother. He knew that they were guilty, and it was only a matter of time before everything went back the way they were before.

He frowned when he noticed someone else by the door, hesitating and jumping around slightly, before that person managed to slip into the room. His eyes widened when he realised that it was Feliks.

"Hey," the Pole greeted. "Like, how are you feeling now?"

Lovino ignored the question in favour of asking his own.

"What are you _wearing_?" he asked.

Frilly pink shirt, layered black skirt, black pumps and hairclips in his hair. Feliks flinched at the question.

"You don't like it?" he asked in a weak voice.

"…I don't know what I'm worried about the most," Lovino said. "What you're wearing, or that you look _good_ in it."

Feliks smiled slightly when he heard that, but he still looked worried. That was when Lovino remembered that Feliks mentioned that one of the reasons why he had been bullied was because he liked to wear girls' clothes.

Before he could try to salvage the situation, Feliciano and Marcello entered.


	30. Chapter 30

**Thanks to cAnd13ThEheTaLian and Carina Sicily for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 30**

Feliks was a bit disappointed by Lovino's reaction regarding his outfit, but he didn't see disgust or anything in Lovino's eyes. Perhaps he was just surprised, though he _did_ say that he looked good in it. But before anything else could be said about the matter, Lovino's brothers entered the room.

He'd been surprised when he saw them as he was arriving. Visiting hours were long over, and they shouldn't have been there. The only explanation that he could think of for their presence was that something else had happened.

He was still a bit nervous about being around Lovino, feeling that it was his fault that Lovino was there. He'd come to try to make things better, but it was difficult to do with Lovino's brothers around. He could barely manage to speak to Lovino the previous day due to Feliciano and Marcello's presence.

"Lovino, great news!" Feliciano said. "Ve, the nurses said we can stay the day."

"Huh?" Lovino questioned. "How did you manage that?"

"We managed to convince her by pointing out that there's no way that you'd be able to sleep with us around," Marcello explained. "The doctor made it a rule now that you're only allowed to sleep at night with your medication until further notice."

Feliks winced when he heard that description, and Lovino didn't look happy either.

"So, like, what happened?" Feliks asked. "Like, my dad told me that it's a nightmare, but… Like, what was it about?"

Lovino flinched at the question, and Feliciano turned to Feliks with a sad expression, though the sad expression briefly turned into one of confusion.

"Ve, Feliks, you look pretty in that," Feliciano said. "I didn't know you liked to dress up like that."

Feliks was about to say something, but Lovino beat him to it.

"This was one of the reasons why they bullied him at his old school," Lovino said. "So… I-it kind of makes me happy to see that… you trust us enough with that."

Feliks's eyes widened in shock, before he beamed in delight. Lovino averted his eyes, a blush on his face.

"Oh, Feliks, there you are."

Feliks turned to see Doctor Matthew standing there, along with Lovino's father. Feliks decided that it would be best to ignore the older Italian as he focused on his therapist.

"Like, I know you said that I have to go to my father's office, but I totally wanted to see Lovino first," Feliks explained.

"Don't worry," Matthew said. "I understand. Where's your mother?"

"She like quickly went to the bathroom. Like, she'll be here soon. She wants to see Vino too."

Matthew nodded, before he looked inside the room. Feliks followed his gaze, and he could see that Lovino seemed to shrink under it.

"Do you mind if I told Feliks what you told me earlier?" Matthew asked. "It might help him as well."

Lovino looked up, glancing between Feliks and Matthew, and it looked as though a spark of comprehension lit up in his eyes, and he nodded his head. Matthew smiled, before gesturing to Feliks to follow him.

The blond followed the familiar route to his father's office, which he saw was currently vacant. Matthew closed the door and went to sit down in one of the chairs in front of the desk, with Feliks following after.

"Your father has rounds to do, so he said that we can have our appointment here," Matthew said. "First, I want to know how you're doing after getting that stomach bug."

Feliks winced when he heard the reminder of why he hadn't been there for Lovino when it really mattered, but decided that it was better than the therapist actively blaming him.

"I'm doing better," Feliks said. "Like, I my stomach feels a bit sore, but, like, my dad explained that it's totally because the muscles are sore after all that… um, you know…"

Matthew chuckled at that, nodding his head.

"I see what you're trying to tell me," he said. "And… how do you feel after Lovino's suicide attempt?"

Feliks flinched. That was the question he was dreading. He wondered if it was better that the therapist asked him that directly instead of leading up to it.

"…It's my fault he's here," Feliks said, lowering his head. "It's because I wasn't a good enough friend. It's because I wasn't there for him."

Matthew sighed.

"He doesn't blame you," he said. "He knows that it was something that couldn't be helped. But, that day… he had a really hard time from everyone. And he was already planning it. He suffers from psychological issues that stretch back too far for one week of friendship to be able to make a difference."

Feliks bit his lip, before remembering what Matthew asked Lovino.

"Like, what did he tell you this morning?" he asked.

"Did your father tell you about the nightmare he had, and the effect it had on him?" Matthew asked, to which Feliks nodded his head. "It was a flashback, to the first time he thought about suicide. It was his tenth birthday party, and his bullies had tried to kill him. And when he tried to defend himself, his father told him not to ruin his brother's birthday."

Feliks's eyes widened in shock. Those three… they had actually attempted to _murder_ Lovino?! On his _birthday_?!

"That's sick," Feliks whispered, trembling in rage.

"I think you have a different type of influence on him," Matthew sighed. "He admitted that he's been suffering from nightmares lately – memories of the past. I think… these memories are resurfacing because he's confused. You've been showing him friendship and compassion – something that's been denied him for a long time – and his mind is having trouble processing it, so it's bringing up a lot of old memories which had an impact on his psyche. That's also why he tried to create some distance between you – because his mind is telling him that this isn't normal."

"So… what are you saying?"

Matthew smiled softly.

"He'll need help convincing his mind that this _is_ normal," he said. "So he needs you to show him the friendship that he's been desperate for, but which he convinced himself he doesn't deserve. You need to continue to be there for him. Lovino has _many_ emotional scars – I suspect enough to outnumber the scars you saw on his arms. You'll need to be patient with him, though. If his mind is trying to convince him that this isn't natural, then he will lash out as he's searching for normalcy. But, at the same time… his greatest fear is that things would return to the way they were before. He also has another reason to be wary of you. Two of his bullies were once his friends, and they betrayed him in the worst ways possible."

Feliks's eyes widened. He didn't recall Lovino mentioning that two of his bullies used to be his friends, and now he couldn't help but wonder _which_ two bullies. And the fact that they were his friends at a time made his reluctance to let him get close become clearer, asides from the fact that he said that many of his friends in the past used him to get closer to Feliciano. Swallowing thickly, he nodded. Lovino would require a lot of work for him to see that Feliks was serious in his attempts to befriend him.

…

"You can't be serious," Lovino commented, watching as Feliciano and Marcello pushed another hospital bed closer to his.

"The nurse said it was okay," Feliciano said.

"Aren't you supposed to be working on that project?!"

Feliciano flinched when he was reminded of the project, and he smiled shakily.

"Ve, Kiku understands, and he said that he'll finish it on his own," Feliciano said. "Oh, but, what about you and Feliks?"

"We finished our project earlier," Lovino said. "And I already gave it to him."

Lovino had made sure to give the project to Feliks to hold as soon as it was finished. His argument had been that, since he did most of the work, Feliks could keep it until they had to hand it in. This was mostly because he wanted to ensure that the project was with Feliks after he killed himself, so that Feliks wouldn't have to suffer from a poor grade because of him.

But while he felt proud of the project, he couldn't help but worry that the teacher would still give them a poor grade due to Lovino being involved.

With that thought in mind, Lovino couldn't help but wonder about his family's plans to send him to a new school. Would it be a boarding school, and thus a way to get rid of him under the guise of it being for his own good? And where would it even be? There was only one high school in town. Was their father considering sending him to a different town? And would it really be better for him? Would the students there actually accept him? Would the teachers?

He _wanted_ to hope that it would be better, but experience had taught him otherwise. The last time a teacher liked him, he was in kindergarten. Before the accident. Before he caused his mother's death. Before he became this useless waste of space.

He glanced towards the pen and paper pad again. He was supposed to do two things with them: First, he had to write anything that he could think of, just to get it all out of his system. Second, he had to write his own story.

He didn't even know what he should write about. He closed his eyes, trying to think of a good story. There was something that he recalled a long time ago: a dream, one that didn't involve any of his messed-up memories. He recalled daydreaming about it, trying to recreate the dream and building on that. With a frown, he picked up the pen.

"There!" Feliciano said in satisfaction, startling Lovino.

He glanced to the side, seeing that the other hospital bed was pressed against his own. Feliciano was climbing up, followed by Marcello.

"What are you doing?" Lovino asked.

"Ve, don't you remember?" Feliciano asked. "Back when we were in kindergarten and we would watch movies together on the bed?"

"We were smaller, and the bed was larger!"

"It would be fun," Marcello said, smiling. "Just like old times."

Lovino huffed, throwing his head back against the pillow. He winced in pain, remembering too late that he had a concussion from those three. Would a new school have people like them as well?

"Like, what are you doing?"

Lovino looked up to see Feliks at the door, looking at the scene with a stupefied expression. Lovino didn't blame him. This must have been an odd sight.

"Oh, you're back!" Feliciano said cheerfully. "The nurse gave us permission to spend the day with Lovino. Would you like to join?"

Feliks opened his mouth, looking as though he wanted to respond, but then someone placed a hand on his shoulder, before slipping into view. Lovino realised that it was Feliks's mother, smiling at her son warmly, before turning her gaze to Lovino.

"That sounds like a grand idea," Felicja said. "What do you say, Feliks? Do you want to spend the day with Lovino?"

Feliks nodded his head eagerly, and Felicja turned her attention to the two beds.

"I think we'll need another bed in here," she said. "It might get a bit too cramped otherwise. And we don't want Lovino to be cramped. He needs room to heal."

His mind drifted to the various injured parts of his body, and he eagerly nodded his head. The bed that Feliciano and Marcello had pushed closer was to his left, and he was already feeling nervous just by having his left side covered. His ankle especially prickled slightly, as though anticipating pain. Which was probably what was happening.

"Like, then I think I have a solution," Feliks said, before leaving their sight.

Lovino had a bad premonition about that, which became true when Feliks returned, pushing in another bed. Feliciano's face lit up, before he went to help Feliks. Lovino looked towards Marcello, hoping that at least one person in this room had some semblance of sanity, but Marcello just smiled at him, shrugging his shoulders.

And then, to Lovino's continued surprise, they pushed the second bed on the other side of him.

"Huh?" Lovino questioned, looking between them.

"Ve, we can't let your best friend be so far from you," Feliciano explained.

The words echoed in his mind. 'Best friend'. He didn't dare hope, but… could it be? Could he really call Feliks his 'best friend', when he was his _only_ friend?

Lovino was startled by his own thoughts. That was probably the first time he thought of Feliks as his friend. But he was too scared of saying it out loud. Still, Feliks didn't seem upset when Feliciano mentioned it.

His head kept whipping sideways, as Feliciano and Marcello climbed onto the bed on one side, and Feliks onto the other. They settled in, keeping their distance. Lovino didn't know whether to feel hurt or grateful.

"Like, is this okay?" Feliks asked. "Like, if I hurt you, you should say something. I don't know how far your bubble goes."

Lovino frowned in confusion.

"My bubble?" he repeated.

"Like, totally," Feliks said. "Like, you know how sometimes, you get nervous about people being too close to you even if they don't touch you? It's because they're inside your bubble. Like, it's especially when you're hurt. Like, I don't want to be inside your bubble, because even if I don't touch you, I hurt you, and I don't want to hurt you."

Lovino stared at Feliks. A part of him thought that Feliks was speaking complete nonsense, while another part recognised that there might have been _some_ truth in the blond's claims. That _would_ explain why he would sometimes feel nervous if someone was in close proximity without the intent to harm him.

"That's kind of what we're worried about too," Marcello said. "We don't want to accidentally hurt you. I think we've done enough of that."

Lovino was silent, looking between the other three. It was only when Felicja laughed that he realised that she was still there.

"Looks like you're in good hands," she said. "I suppose I need to tell that husband of mine."

She disappeared, and Marcello pulled out a remote.

"The nurse gave this to me," he explained. "This way, we can watch movies."

Lovino sighed in defeat. It didn't seem as though he was escaping this.

"Fine," he huffed. "But before we do this, could I at least go to the bathroom? I don't think it's going to be easy while you're here."

It was bad enough that he had to wait to be uncuffed before going to the bathroom. He didn't want to have to deal with all of _this_ as well.

…

It was evening when Romulus returned. He knew that it would be best for him to stay out of the teenagers' way. The fact that he had contributed to a lot of Lovino's pain didn't help matters. But he supposed that it was okay if he came during the official visiting hours.

He was amazed at how willing the hospital was to bend its rules for them.

He carried three large boxes of pizzas for the teens to eat. He knew that Lovino was eating less – he didn't fail to notice that the original pizza box was _still_ there – but perhaps eating with the others would be to his benefit.

He'd read an article, years ago, that if you wanted to prevent your child from developing an eating disorder, they needed to eat in the company of the rest of the family. And while that wasn't exactly Lovino's problem, he _needed_ to gain a bit of weight. The doctor had already admitted that Lovino's weight had been one of the factors that complicated the procedures when they saved his life.

It still felt so surreal. Like some horrible nightmare. It felt like it was a long time ago, but it was still fresh in his mind. And then he kept replaying the time when Chiara died. He kept comparing Lovino's figure in the hospital bed to the six-year-old version. All of the emotions he felt back then, he felt now as well. There was one difference, though, that he intended to keep: He refused to take out his anger on his son.

He shook his head, before arriving at his son's hospital room. The teens were watching a movie, and though it was clear that they wanted to move closer to Lovino, the others were keeping their distance, taking his injuries into consideration. Romulus was momentarily shocked by the relaxed expression on Lovino's face. It was sad that it was such a rare sight.

He shook himself, plastering a smile on his face, before he stepped into the room.

"Hey there," he greeted, drawing the four teenagers' attentions to him. "Enjoying the movie?"

"Pizza!" Feliciano exclaimed, scrambling out of the hospital bed that he and Marcello were lying on, much to the younger's chagrin.

"Like, I was getting hungry," Feliks said. "Thanks, Mr Vargas."

Romulus smiled, placing the boxes on the now-empty bed. He looked up at Lovino, who was eyeing the boxes with a blank expression.

"You don't have to be shy," Romulus said. "Take whichever you want."

Lovino looked annoyed, before looking down at his body. He even lifted his cuffed ankle to illustrate his point, and Romulus realised what the problem was: Lovino would need to stretch, and considering the broken state of his body, it would be extremely painful. He quickly slid one of the boxes closer to Lovino, who eagerly took it and grabbed a slice.

"Sorry about that," Romulus said. "So, are you having fun?"

Lovino shrugged, but Romulus still managed to notice the small smile.

**Sorry if these chapters seem to drag. The story will pick up speed again next chapter.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Thanks to ****cAnd13ThEheTaLiaN and Carina Sicily for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 31**

Saturday night and Sunday had gone without further incident, and before they knew it, Monday had arrived. Neither Feliciano nor Marcello was happy with that, as they wouldn't be able to join their father for his morning visit to Lovino.

"We should be there for him," Marcello stated.

"And we _are_," Romulus insisted. "He won't blame you if you missed a visit because of school. He didn't on Friday, and he certainly won't _now_."

"But, what if you say something bad to him again?" Marcello asked.

Romulus flinched. Of course, that was something that he would never be able to live down. He knew that it was a well-deserved comment, but it still hurt. And it didn't help that Feliciano and Marcello had discovered the books, and when they weren't with Lovino, they were poring over what had been said to their brother without their knowledge. This only served to convince them that Lovino needed to find another school.

"How did it go on Friday?" Feliciano asked, seeing the tension between his father and brother.

"Well, I found out that all these years, he'd been under the impression that his name is an altered spelling of 'rovino'," Romulus sighed. "It's not. I told him the true story. He was named after the boy who saved me when I was still just a boy."

Marcello halted in the process of bringing his spoon to his mouth. Feliciano's jaw also seemed to drop a bit at the admission.

"Wow…" Feliciano said. "Why didn't _we_ hear the story before?"

Romulus chuckled.

"I'll tell you tonight, alright?" he said. "But for now, you have school."

…

Lovino sighed, placing the copy of _Candide_ aside. It might have been by a French author, but he wasn't about to let the nationalities of his three tormentors keep him from enjoying a book.

It was a bit difficult to work with only one hand, but he managed. He'd had about a week to practice, after all.

He was searching through the thinner volumes for another book to read when there was a knock on the door. He looked up, seeing his father standing there with a hesitant smile on his face.

"Hey," Romulus greeted. "How are you feeling?"

Lovino shrugged. In truth, he was still a bit wary around his father. He noticed that when his brothers were visiting, his father was mostly absent. He didn't quite know how to interpret those actions.

"I might have found a school," Romulus said, nervously walking inside. "It's in Cordoa. Is that alright?"

Cordoa was the next town over, about ten minutes away. There was still the risk of Lovino running into someone he knew, but at least he wouldn't run into _them_.

"Why not somewhere farther away?" Lovino asked.

"Why?" Romulus asked. "Do you _want_ to be farther away?"

"Don't _you_ want me to be?"

Romulus sighed, taking a seat beside Lovino. The other two hospital beds had been moved to their proper places, and the hospital had chosen to stick to their rules the previous day, much to Feliciano and Marcello's dismay.

"I can't apologise enough for making you think like that," Romulus said. "But I promise you, none of us want you to go away."

Lovino averted his gaze. His father was saying it _now_. But what about in a few weeks? In a few months? What about when he felt that everything had returned to 'normal', and that Lovino was no longer at risk of trying to commit suicide? How long before he snapped at him again for something that wasn't even Lovino's fault?

"…I think it might be good for you to take part in afterschool activities," Romulus said. "One of the reasons why I decided on that school is because it still has a book club. It's sad that there aren't more of them."

"One of the reasons why I went to the library was because no one else went," Lovino said.

Romulus nodded his head. There was silence between them, neither of them having much experience with civil conversations with each other.

"I meant to ask you," Romulus said. "Toris came to apply for a job. Is it alright to have him?"

Lovino had to try to remember who Toris was, and when he realised who it was, he nodded his head.

"Si," he said. "But why are you asking _me_? He asked _you_ for a job."

"But he didn't hurt you, did he?" Romulus asked. "Didn't threaten you or anything?"

Lovino couldn't tell his father that the first time the two of them had met, the older man was wearing a mask and had a gun pointed at his head. So instead, he simply shook his head. In the end, the older male had a chance to hurt him, but didn't. And he admitted to Lovino that he had made him re-evaluate his life. Lovino knew that he was most likely trying to make things better for himself, so he wasn't going to ruin the other's chances.

"By the way, do you want me to bring you some more pizza?" Romulus asked.

Lovino looked towards the empty box. It was either he accepted his father's offer, or eat the hospital's food. He decided that he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth, and nodded his head.

"Alright," Romulus said. "I'll bring it to you this afternoon."

…

Feliciano was busy with a pencil and paper, one of Lovino's bookmarks by his side. During the day they'd spent together, Feliciano managed to learn Lovino's favourite animal (wolf), favourite colour (green), and a few other things that he never knew about his brother. But he decided to focus on the favourite animal, and was working on the design, which wasn't as easy as he'd hoped it would be. He was used to working on a larger canvas, and considering it was meant as a gift, he couldn't risk for things to go wrong.

"Hey Feli," a familiar voice greeted.

Feliciano glanced up, seeing that it was Elizaveta, smiling uncertainly. Feliciano greeted her back, not as cheerfully as he normally would have, and returned to his drawing.

"So… what are you working on?" she asked.

"Bookmark for Lovino," he said.

"Right, he likes books…" She said it so uncertainly. As though she still couldn't believe it. "So, when's he coming back to school?"

"He's not."

There was a moment of silence, and Feliciano knew that the entire class was listening to their conversation. Well, let them hear.

"Why not?" Elizaveta asked.

"You're _seriously_ asking me that?" Feliciano asked, looking up at her. "People were _laughing_ at him for trying to kill himself. They kept calling him stupid and useless for _failing_. And it's clear that everyone hates him. Why would I want my brother to come back to a place like this?"

Elizaveta winced, and Feliciano turned his attention back to the paper.

"…For what it's worth, I'm sorry," she said.

"Why are you apologising to _me_?" Feliciano asked bitterly. "_I'm_ not the one lying in a hospital bed. If you want to apologise to my brother… Actually, I _was_ going to say that you should do it yourself, but I've heard about some of the things that everyone's been telling him, so there's no way I'm letting any of you near him."

"You know, you shouldn't believe everything he says," another familiar voice said, and this one actually made Feliciano tense. "He's just lying to get attention."

Feliciano whipped his head to face Antonio, who looked a bit annoyed. Seeing the Spaniard reminded him about what happened on Friday and Saturday.

"The doctor didn't lie," Feliciano said. "And the psychiatrist didn't lie. Lovino's hands show that he didn't get into any fights, or should I say, he didn't fight back. Where are _your_ wounds, Antonio? Because Lovino has a broken wrist, a sprained ankle, a concussion, several broken ribs, and that's not even considering all of the bruises. Bruises _you_ put on him. I finally started paying attention. Anyone with even _one _eyeball and _half_ a braincell would know that you, Francis and Gilbert are the ones usually involved whenever he gets in a 'fight'. But those aren't fights, are they? So it means that _you're_ the ones that broke all of those bones."

The others were watching the scene, completely silent. Perhaps they were too curious to even whisper amongst themselves. Antonio flushed at the unwanted attention.

"You don't know that," he defended. "He could have… could have…"

"By the way," Feliciano said. "If he managed to succeed, then it would have made _you_ a _murderer_. And even if he didn't try, the doctor said that if we didn't take him to the hospital when we did, then all those injuries he got – injuries that _you_ gave him – would have killed him. So, either way, if Lovino died, then you would have been a murderer, Antonio."

This time, there _were_ whispers. Antonio looked as though he had been slapped, and Feliciano felt a small burst of pride when he saw that he could hurt Antonio in some way. After everything he'd said and done to Lovino, he deserved it.

"One more thing," Feliciano continued, "I know about what happened at _our _tenth birthday party. You hear that? _Our_! My party, and Lovino's. But you ruined it for him. You made it so that he missed our next _six_ birthday parties. He doesn't even go to Marcello's! And in case you forgot _why_ that is, let me remind you. You told Lovino that it was supposed to be a birthday gift to _me_. That… what did you say again? Oh, right. That I 'would no longer have to suffer the embarrassment of having Lovino for a twin'. Remember that?"

Antonio's eyes widened, and some of the other students seemed to understand the implication of what Feliciano said. There were gasps all around them, but Feliciano refused to look around. His gaze was focused solely on Antonio. Tears were streaming down Feliciano's face, but he knew that they were tears of rage.

"This wasn't the first time that you, Francis and Gilbert almost murdered my brother," Feliciano said. "Did you know that he still has nightmares about what you tried to do to him? And do you know what happens when he has a nightmare like that? Lovino _hurts_ himself. He slammed his broken wrist against the metal part of the bed. Do you have any idea how someone has to feel to do _that_?!"

There were a few hisses of pain, and Feliciano wondered how many of these students had had a broken bone before to be able to feel the phantom pains.

He realised that there was a risk that he was making the situation worse by confronting Antonio like this, especially with everyone watching. But he actually had a plan in mind. He specifically used the word 'murder' to make the message sink in. There were whispers. And with whispers, came rumours. And no one would be able to resist the rumour of potential murderers. Lovino would no longer be attending this school, so the rumours wouldn't bother him. But Antonio, Francis and Gilbert would still have to suffer the weight of what was said. Some might not believe, others would have doubts. But there was no escaping this. If everyone believed false rumours, then what would happen with rumours that were _true_?

"I… He's just…" Antonio stammered. "Feliciano, no offence, b-but… Well, you _are_ a bit… um…?"

"Stupid?" Feliciano asked. "Gullible? Naïve? Which word were you going to say? But if you still have doubts about something… Well, you could ask Mr Zwingli about the state Lovino is in. He actually saw him. And Mr Zwingli would have no reason to lie about it. Unless you're going to choose the other option and call him gullible or an idiot too?"

One would have to be a suicidal idiot to even suggest it.

Mr Hedervary cleared his throat, and Feliciano realised that the teacher was most likely trying to get the classroom in order. But at the same time, he was probably curious as well.

"I think it's time for everyone to settle down," the Hungarian man said. "Feliciano, could I have a word with you outside?"

Feliciano felt his stomach drop. He wondered if he had perhaps gone a bit too far, but what was done was done. He nodded, going to follow the teacher. His eyes locked with Feliks's, who was also worried. But he would have to take responsibility for what happened.

And perhaps he would see what detention was like. Well, it would certainly bring him one step closer to properly understanding his brother.

The teacher closed the door behind them, and Feliciano glanced around. They were completely alone, and he never thought it could be so quiet.

"I can understand how you must feel," Mr Hedervary said, "but you can't go around accusing anyone of attempted murder."

"But they've tried it before," Feliciano said. "And they got away with it. Because no one would believe Lovino, or didn't notice that anything was wrong. I… I'm guilty of both, to be honest."

Mr Hedervary sighed.

"How can you be sure that Lovino didn't lie about that?" he asked.

"Because I remember seeing him at the party, before he left," Feliciano said. "Do you think, if he was lying, he would have spent his birthday at the graveyard instead of at the pool? He didn't even take a slice of cake."

Mr Hedervary at least looked uncomfortable about it. Putting it into perspective, he probably couldn't deny that it was a valid point.

"Still… accusing someone in front of so many students…" he said.

"Lovino had to live for _years_ with everyone believing he's a delinquent," Feliciano responded. "Everyone believed that he has tattoos, and that he smokes, and that _he's _the one that gets into fights. Besides… I know of at least one law those three had broken."

"And that would be…?"

"Assault. If they're willing to commit _one_ crime, how many others are they willing to commit?"

Mr Hedervary shook his head.

"I suggest… You try to ignore them as much as possible," he said. "It could not only cause problems for them, but for _you_ as well."

Feliciano pursed his lips.

"Lovino is hated by everyone," he said. "And he tried to commit suicide. I'm alright with committing social suicide, especially if it helps them realise that they were wrong about Lovino."

"You say that _now_," Mr Hedervary said, "but if you play with fire, you better be prepared to get burned."

…

Lovino was reading yet another book, this time _The Epic of Gilgamesh_. First, he was impressed that his father had managed to find this book. Second, the complexity would keep him busy for a while.

"Am I interrupting?"

Lovino's head came up at the sound of the therapist's voice, but his attention was immediately drawn to what was in Matthew's arms.

"Why do you have a dog with you?" he asked.

"This is Kumajiro," Matthew explained, beaming. "He's a therapy dog."

Matthew brought the white bundle of fur closer, and then he leaned close enough for Lovino to pet the dog. He placed the book on the table, before he scratched the dog behind the ear. He smiled when he felt the dog lick his wrist.

"Did you ever have any pets?" Matthew asked.

"No," Lovino said. "Though, I always wanted one. Dog or cat, didn't matter. Anything that could…"

Lovino cut himself off, averting his eyes.

"Anything that could show you love?" Matthew finished.

Lovino nodded his head, staring into the dog's black eyes.

"Si," he said softly.

"…Are you okay to hold him?" Matthew asked.

Lovino looked down at his injured wrist, still held against his chest with a sling. He learned that the sling was mostly to prevent him from doing what he did on Friday again.

"This thing is in the way," he explained.

"Right," Matthew said. "I suppose that's not an option."

Matthew adjusted his hold on the dog, making it possible to bring him closer to Lovino. The Italian had a smile on his face as he petted the dog, even feeling thrilled when he would lick his hand. He didn't have a lot of experience around dogs, but he knew enough. He knew that they were better than people, at least. A dog would never spread rumours about you. A dog would never tell you to die. And if it was your dog, then the dog would always be happy to see you.

…

Romulus was waiting anxiously. And many flashbacks from school returned to him. Strange how one would always be nervous about meeting with the principal.

He was also surprised by the fact that he could make an appointment in such short notice. Perhaps luck was on his side. Perhaps the universe decided that he owed Lovino a lot, and would give him as many opportunities as possible to help his son. And getting him out of that toxic environment was the first thing he could do.

He asked Feliciano and Marcello if they would like to switch schools as well, but they both declined. In the first place, they still had friends at their school, while Lovino's only friend was Feliks (and he couldn't help but wonder what they would do in regards to this). In the second place, the two of them felt that it would be best if Lovino entered a new environment without them. Not that they didn't want to give him moral support, but they felt that it was better for him if they didn't go. If they didn't go, then Lovino's new peers wouldn't know them, and if they didn't know them, then he wouldn't be compared to them.

"Mr Vargas?" the secretary called to him. "You may go in now."

He took a deep breath, before following the path to the principal's office. He only hoped that this would change his son's life for the better.

**The books I mention are mostly books on my own bookshelf. Even if I hadn't gotten around to reading them yet, I can at least tell how thick they are, and whether or not they can be held comfortably with one hand (Candide = yes; War and Peace = no). I've actually got so many books to read right now that I don't even know where to start, but I usually have one of the thinner books in my handbag (reading when you're standing in line at the bank, for example) and one of the thicker books is to read at home. And many of them are classics – I've been meaning to read the classics, partly because of DK's Literature book (it's a good reading list, and it gives you an idea of the different eras, genres and sub-genres). The classics, at least in paperback, are also cheaper than some of the newer books, and books in South Africa aren't really cheap.**


	32. Chapter 32

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love and Carina Sicily for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 32**

Romulus stepped into the principal's office, immediately seeing the beautiful woman behind the desk. However, he couldn't let himself get distracted. He needed to focus on his son. He needed to make it clear that it was important that he enrol his son in this school. She motioned for him to take a seat, and he immediately complied.

"Good morning, Mr Vargas," the principal, Eshe Hassan, greeted. "So, I hear you want to enrol your son, but there are a few… complications? Is that what you said?"

"Si," he said. "First… My son is in the hospital. He attempted suicide last Thursday."

She straightened in her chair, the severity of the situation dawning on her.

"Is he alright?" she asked.

Romulus hesitated, before he nodded.

"Physically, more or less," Romulus said. "I'll admit, I've been… absent, when it comes to him. I didn't notice anything, and I believed the worst of my son. He's been bullied – brutally. And I believed everyone when they told me that he got into fights."

"But… you're sure that they _aren't_ fights?" she asked.

"There was one on Thursday, just before he tried to overdose on pills. The doctor made it very clear to me that it was impossible for Lovino to have been involved in a fight. His wrist had been broken prior to that, and his ankle sprained even earlier. In that state…"

"Not even the most aggressive troublemaker would want to engage in any form of confrontation," she muttered. "So… I take it that the reason for the transfer in the middle of the term is due to the bullying?"

He nodded his head.

"Asides from his attempted suicide, he's recovering from broken ribs and a concussion, and the doctor informed me that the internal bleeding was so bad, that even if he _didn't_ swallow the pills, he would have died," he explained.

Her eyes flashed, and he was at least glad that she seemed angry on their behalf.

"I assure you, that will _not_ be tolerated at this school," she said. "However, I don't see how those are complications. Is there another reason why you decided to see me personally?"

He nodded his head.

"As I explained, I was absent when it came to him," he said. "As such… I don't know how to speak of his character. The only thing I can say for sure is that he enjoys reading."

"I see…" she said, her lips pursed. "And academically?"

"…He's not particularly strong," he admitted. "But I don't know how much of that is influenced by his depression. If it helps, I do have the psychiatrist's report with me."

Matthew had emailed it to him this morning, saying that it might be beneficial if he wanted to enrol Lovino in another school. He had printed it out, and kept it safely in a manila folder. He handed the folder to the woman sitting across from him. Romulus silently waited as she perused the report.

"It says here that he has a variation of an eidetic memory," Eshe said. "Perfect word recall. It says that the level is extraordinary."

"Unfortunately, it doesn't help with the verbal abuse he suffered," Romulus sighed. "He can remember everything that's been said to him. Many of those involved death wishes."

She continued to scan the report.

"Average mathematical skills," she said, "but it appears his aptitude lies more for languages and arts." She read for a moment again. "PTSD… Low self-esteem… Trust issues…"

For a moment, Romulus was afraid that she would say that they weren't willing to have someone so high maintenance. That they wouldn't want someone so unstable. She placed the report down and crossed her arms, looking directly at him.

"Is he seeing a therapist now?" she asked.

"Si," he replied. "We've arranged that they should see each other twice a week."

"…I think a trip once a week to the school counsellor is also in order."

Romulus felt a spark of hope. If she had a recommendation like that, then she might be considering him.

"I would like to meet with your son personally, if possible," she said. "When is he discharged from the hospital?"

"This weekend," Romulus replied.

She pursed her lips together again, before looking at a point behind Romulus.

"…I don't think that's going to work," she said. "Is he allowed visitors?"

Romulus nodded his head.

"Then I would like to meet him this afternoon," she said. "At what time do you usually go?"

"I just need to pick up his brothers from school," he replied.

"Will his brothers be joining him?"

"At this school? No. No, they feel that it would be better for him if they weren't around. A lot of his grief came from the fact that everyone was constantly comparing them."

"I'm afraid it's normal for siblings to be compared. Teachers are especially prone to this, as we have so many children to remember that we use the older siblings as references."

"And if it comes from fellow students who told him that they feel sorry for his brothers for having to have him as a brother, or specifically calling him a failure in comparison to them?"

She winced at the description.

"I understand," she said.

"It gets even worse," Romulus continued. "During the weekend, he had an… episode, after which it was revealed that his three bullies tried to _kill_ him while saying it's a birthday gift for his twin brother."

She froze when she heard that.

"Are you saying… those kids actually attempted _murder_?" she asked.

Romulus nodded solemnly.

"Twin…" Eshe muttered. "That means… It was _his_ birthday too, wasn't it?"

"Si," Romulus said. "His tenth."

He didn't think that he should mention that he had further chased his son away by acknowledging Feliciano's birthday but not his. He didn't think that he should mention that it was the last birthday party he attended.

He knew that he needed to do something about that.

"…I see in the report that the therapist believes that it would do him well to start at his new school with another student to help," she said. "Thinks that it might be better if he has someone that he can trust, or at least someone he's familiar with."

"Lovino's not very good with strangers," Romulus said.

That was at least one thing he'd known about Lovino. His son was distrustful of strangers, and tried to minimise his contact with them. Romulus had scolded him a few times for being rude. Now, though, he supposed he could understand why Lovino was distrustful. He was most likely expecting more attacks.

"…He's eleventh grade, right?" Eshe asked, to which Romulus nodded his head. "My son is the same age. Do you mind if I bring him along this afternoon?"

"I would be glad!" Romulus said, brightening up.

…

Eshe waited until Romulus had left before she asked the secretary to call her son in. As she was examining the Italian's application form, there was a knock on the door.

"You wanted to see me?" Gupta asked, poking his head in.

"Yes," she said. "I have a favour to ask of you."

He frowned, before he came to sit down across from her.

"What is it?" he asked. "You wouldn't have called me out of class for just anything."

She smiled. Her son was very perceptive.

"We received an application for a new student," she explained, her smile falling. "He's a bit of a special case, though. He was bullied really badly, and is recovering in the hospital after a suicide attempt."

Gupta stiffened.

"Is he alright?" he asked.

"…There are some things about his condition that I can't disclose," she explained. "But asides from his attempt, he's also recuperating from several broken bones. He's apparently in a very fragile state. The psychiatrist believes that it might do him good to have someone he can consider a friend, or at least someone he's familiar with, when he starts here. I'm going to meet with him this afternoon, and I want you to come with me."

"You want _me_ to be the friend," Gupta confirmed.

"Basically. At least be a moral support for him. You need to understand, Gupta, that what those bullies had done to him… They've almost committed manslaughter last week, and they've attempted murder before. That boy has suffered a _lot_, and understandably, he'd have trust issues. And to go to a new school with his history…"

Gupta was silent for a moment, before he nodded.

"I understand," he said.

"I would also appreciate it if his history doesn't get out," Eshe continued. "The last thing we need is for him to enter with that hanging over his head."

"Of course. Could I at least tell my friends a bit about the situation? If he's going to be around me, he's going to be around them, and they would need to know that they need to be careful with him."

"…Very well. But make sure they understand how important it is that rumours don't spread."

He nodded his head, before he stood to leave.

"I'll expect you here as soon as the last period's over," she said.

"Of course," he replied.

…

Antonio joined his friends at the lunch table, aware of the whispers following behind them. Gilbert and Francis glanced around, but they'd agreed to not do anything about the rumours. It was only a matter of time before they died out, and things returned to normal.

Still, Antonio had to try very hard not to flinch when the word 'murder' reached his ears.

"This is so unfair," Gilbert complained. "Why do _we _have to suffer like this?"

"They're all a bunch of hypocrites," Francis said. "Feliciano blames _us_ for what happened to his brother, and everyone is so eager to show that they're on Feliciano's side, but last week they didn't care about Lovino at all."

"It gets worse," Antonio said. "Feliciano knows about that time at the pool."

"What?" Francis demanded. "Lovino _told_ him about that?!"

"Dammit!" Gilbert said. "We were just horsing around. He was the one being a baby about the whole thing. Why's he bringing it up _now_?"

Antonio's mouth had grown dry, preventing him from answering. After his anger faded, he started feeling guilty, though he kept trying to convince himself that he had nothing to feel guilty about. The gravity of what they'd almost done to Lovino at his party that one time took a few years to dawn on them, but when it _did_, Antonio couldn't help but think about the implications if they'd succeeded. Sure, he hated Lovino, but perhaps trying to kill him was taking things a bit too far. They'd tried to convince themselves that they were just playing, but the weight was still there.

"This is all Lovino's fault," Gilbert spat. "When he gets back…"

"He's not," Antonio interrupted. "Feliciano said that they're trying to find another school for him."

"That would mean that we wouldn't have to see him again," Francis said, the ghost of a smile playing with the corners of his lips. "That's at least _some_ good news."

Gilbert didn't look too happy – he was the one that enjoyed hurting Lovino the most, after all – but Antonio didn't know how he was supposed to feel. A part of him was glad that he wouldn't be seeing Lovino at school anymore, but another part was curious to see if they really _did_ do that much damage to Lovino. Okay, so he sprained his ankle when he tried to run away from them… and Gilbert stomped on his wrist with that heavy boot… and Antonio was sure that he felt a crack when he kicked Lovino in the ribs the previous week… But surely, Lovino was exaggerating to get attention. That was what he did, after all.

He glanced towards Feliciano's table. The Italian had fewer friends sitting with him than usual, and Marcello had joined with his own friends. He wondered if they were staying away because of the whole situation, or if Feliciano chased them away.

He couldn't help but wonder where Feliks was. The Polish student had been with Lovino this whole time, and refused to believe anyone's warnings about the Italian. How much did he really know about the situation?

He was wrenched from his thoughts when he felt something collide with the back of his head, and when he reached back to see what it was, found that someone had thrown him with a fry. Francis and Gilbert received the same treatment shortly after, with Francis complaining about his ruined hair.

…

Feliks was sitting alone in the library. It was kind of where his friendship with Lovino had begun. Lovino had shown him the way on his first day. This was where he and Lovino had talked the day after Feliks found him in the bathroom. And this was where they worked on their project, allowing them to bond and cultivate the growing friendship.

And now, Lovino wouldn't be coming back.

He supposed that it was a good thing that Lovino wouldn't be coming back because he'd be going to a new school. If it was because he was no longer alive… Feliks knew that he would have been a lot more depressed than he was now.

Not seriously depressed; more like sad and full of sorrow. He'd only recently become Lovino's friend, and now the other was transferring schools. Understandable, but that left Feliks alone.

He supposed that there was always Feliciano and Marcello, but Lovino's claims about people getting close to him in order to get close to his brothers made him feel that hanging out with either of them would turn him into a traitor, because in the end, that would kind of be what would happen. And he decided not to resume the growing friendship with Elizaveta. Not after everything she'd said about Lovino. Again, he would feel like a traitor.

He wondered how things would work from now on. Would he and Lovino be able to make arrangements to hang out together? Would Lovino make new friends, and thus leave Feliks behind? And would his father be willing to accept a transfer mere weeks after transferring to _this_ school?

…The last option was most likely the least likely to happen.

He supposed that only time would tell. In the meantime… He'd decided to take the literary road. Perhaps he could give himself something that he and Lovino could discuss, even if it was only Lovino explaining the plot of a story to him.

Like the one he was currently reading: _Don Quixote_.

…

Gupta joined his friends for lunch, reflecting on the possibility of another friend being included. He couldn't help but feel curious about this potential new student, but the fact that his mother warned him about what he'd been through made him a bit hesitant. He could understand the need for someone to trust, but did it have to be him?

"Is something wrong?" Yao asked. "You seem more subdued than usual."

He looked up, noticing that his friends were all watching him.

"Sorry," he sighed. "I guess I was just lost in thought."

"Does this have anything to do with why you were called into the office earlier?" Vlad asked.

"Did something happen?" Heracles asked.

"It's nothing serious, if that's what you're wondering," Gupta said. "Well… Actually, it is a bit serious, I guess. My mom said I can tell you, but you need to make sure this doesn't get out."

"So… it _is_ something serious," Vlad said, straightening in his seat.

"I'm definitely going to need your help with this. A new student's enrolling, but… Let's just say, things at his old school weren't very pleasant for him. He's still in the hospital."

"Bullying?" Heracles guessed.

"Along with a suicide attempt. Apparently, the bullying was so bad, they almost killed him."

"That's horrible," Yao whispered.

"He needs someone to help him adjust to the school, so my mom volunteered me. I'll be meeting him this afternoon. I also want you guys to help him adjust."

"Of course," Miguel said, smiling. "We're more than happy to help."

…

Lovino checked the time. School was over, and it was visiting hours, which meant that he could expect to see his father and brothers soon. He wondered if Feliks would accompany them again this time.

He didn't really like the idea of Feliks spending more time with Feliciano – it was basically what he feared would happen. But at the same time, he knew that it was selfish of him to accept that Feliks would be alone at school.

Their arrival came soon enough, along with another large pizza. Realising that it was for him to eat while at the hospital, he resisted the urge to indulge, trying to be as polite as possible. He told them about his therapy session with Matthew and his dog, and wondered why it seemed as though his father's eyes sparkled.

"Are we interrupting?"

Lovino froze when he heard the unfamiliar voice, and turned his attention to the door. A woman was standing there, along with a boy that looked a lot like her. Could they be mother and son?

"Ah, I'm glad you made it," Romulus said. "Lovino, this is Eshe Hassan. She's the principal at Cordoa High."

Lovino's eyes widened at the realisation that this woman could decide his future.

"I-it's nice to meet you," he stammered.

"The pleasure is all mine, Lovino," Eshe said, walking into the room. "This is my son, Gupta. We're going to try to make your transfer as easy as possible."

Lovino nodded at the other boy, feeling a bit awkward. Gupta was watching him, and Lovino felt a bit nervous. Did the other boy think that this was a waste of his time? Did he see the same things that the terrible trio saw that made them hate him?

Gupta's eyes slid towards the bedside table, and his eyebrow raised.

"Do you enjoy reading?" he asked, to which Lovino nodded. "So do I. What's your favourite?"

Lovino relaxed a little. At least there was _some_ connection.


	33. Chapter 33

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, Senii, cAnd13ThEheTaLiaN, Carina Sicily and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 33**

Lovino lay back, taking a deep breath to calm himself. The visit from Gupta and his mother went rather well, with Lovino and Gupta mostly talking about books that they have read. It was the first time that Lovino could really talk to someone about things like this.

It felt… nice.

Gupta would come again the following day, and then again for the rest of the week. It would seem that everyone was determined to get him to have _someone_ that he knew at the new school. As though it would help him adjust better.

He had his twin brother with him in the previous schools, and that turned out _so_ well.

He wondered how long it would be before Gupta decided that it wasn't worth his time. How long it would take before Gupta started hating him, just like Antonio and Francis. How long before he would be disgusted with Lovino's personality that he decided that it was better if they didn't associate with each other anymore.

And what about Gupta's friends?

Lovino wasn't going to be naïve to think that Gupta had been a loner and was just waiting for someone whom he could call a friend. No, he had his own friends. Lovino didn't know how they would respond to his presence. Would they welcome him, or would they treat him like the invader that he was?

He shook his head, eyes falling to the table, and also on the pen and paper pad still sitting there. With all that had been happening, he still hadn't done the 'homework' that Matthew had assigned him. And speaking of which, he and Ms Hassan discussed his enrolment, and also the subjects that he would be taking. It was obvious that the ones he had (with the exception of Literature) were bad for him, and she would bring an aptitude test for him to do. As long as he could make up the credits, he would be able to join the others without having to go back to tenth grade in order to do all of the prior work.

It would seem that he would be busy for a while.

Anyway, he should probably do the task that Matthew had given him, though the fear of doing so was profound. He'd never gotten a good score from his teachers when it came to his writing. And now, he was supposed to write a story, without a prompt.

Taking a deep breath, he took the stationery items and started to plot.

…

Gupta sat in his room, busy with his homework when his phone chimed. He glanced at the screen to see that it was the group that they'd made for their circle of friends.

_Hey Gup. Are you back from the hospital yet?_

Miguel was the one that sent the text. Out of all his friends, Miguel was the most empathetic, and he had a feeling that he would take good care of Lovino. The others were probably curious as well. And so, he grabbed his phone and typed out a reply.

_Came back a while ago._

He waited for someone to specifically ask what they all wanted to know.

_And? How is he?_

Again, Miguel was the one that asked. He wondered if the others were also on the chat at that moment. If not, then they would be able to catch up.

_It doesn't look good. He flinched every time someone moved too fast or got too close. He's a bit sarcastic, though, and he likes reading._

He didn't have to wait long for the next message.

_So, he's scared if someone gets too close or something?_

_I guess so. His arm was in a sling, and his leg was also bandaged. He's definitely hurt._

_Ouch. Do you think he's scared that you'll hurt him?_

_Possibly. He did relax when we started talking about books._

_That's good news!_

The last message came from Vlad, and Gupta knew what excited the Romanian. The five friends made up the book club, and that was where they started to bond. Though, Gupta wasn't entirely sure whether Vlad was excited by the prospect of a new reader joining the group, or because Gupta had at least _some_ success with the new student.

_Any idea what he likes?_

This message came from Yao. Gupta was pleased to see that his friends were taking an interest.

_I think Vlad would like him best. Asides from the classics, he seems to have an interest in fantasy and horror._

_Yay!_

Gupta couldn't help but chuckle. Vlad might have been childish from time to time, but he was certainly interesting to be around.

_Do you think we could come along the next time you visit?_

And with that, Heracles had entered the chat. Gupta paused for a moment, mulling things over.

_I don't know if that's such a good idea. I think he still needs to get used to me first. We don't want to overwhelm him._

Things were silent for a while, and Gupta continued with his homework. Finally, a reply came from Miguel.

_I understand. He should have some time to heal first. But tell him that he's more than welcome in our group._

_Will do_.

Gupta smiled happily. He had the best group of friends, and he knew that they were all eager to welcome another member to their group. He had no doubt that Lovino would feel welcome.

…

"What do you think about a puppy?" Romulus asked.

Feliciano and Marcello paused in their dinner. They had settled down after visiting Lovino in the evening's visiting hours. And Romulus asked this out of the blue.

"Where did _that_ come from?" Marcello asked.

"When Lovino spoke about Dr Williams and his dog… I might just be fishing, but I think I saw Lovino get a spark. He was… excited."

Feliciano cocked his head to the side.

"Ve, I got that impression too," he said. "So, are you going to get him a puppy?"

"Would Lovino even _want_ a puppy?" Marcello asked.

"…I think I'll have a word with Dr Williams first," Romulus said. "See what his opinion on the matter is."

It was a bit harmful to Romulus's pride to rely on the therapist so much, especially since the reliance was born from the fact that the near-stranger seemed to know his son better than he did. It was just more evidence that Romulus was a horrible father to his eldest son. And he was grasping at straws, trying desperately to find ways to make things right.

…

Matthew placed the bowl on the ground, watching Kumajiro as he started to attack the food. He calmly scratched the dog behind the ear, before perking up when he heard his phone ring. Checking caller-ID, he wasn't too surprised to see that it was Romulus Vargas calling him.

"How did it go with the application?" Matthew asked.

"It went rather well," Romulus said. "The principal and her son went to meet Lovino, and it sounds like they're going to help him adjust. But, listen, that's not why I called you. I want to know… I was thinking… What do you think about getting Lovino a puppy?"

Matthew leaned against the counter. He could already tell that this call would take a while.

"I take it he told you about our session today," Matthew remarked.

"Si," Romulus replied. "He looked very excited. There was this spark in his eye. I was just wondering…"

"I know you wish to make it up to him, but you need to be careful. It might seem that you're trying to buy his forgiveness. That's not something that he would want. But… Well, he _did _admit that he always wanted a pet. Something that could show him love."

Matthew could almost imagine the flinch from the older Italian.

"It might also help him, to be honest," Matthew continued. "Having something that depends on him. You'd be surprised how therapeutic it could be to be responsible for someone – or something – else's life. If anything, it would help him realise that his life has meaning, even if the only one that saw that meaning was an animal. If you _do_ decide to get him a pet, make it clear that it's _his_ pet, and _he's_ the one that needs to take care of it. But show him that you'll support him if he needs help."

"Alright," Romulus said quietly. "Thank you."

"You might also want to try throwing him a 'welcome back' party," Matthew suggested. "Seeing as the last one he attended went so horribly… It might help him overcome that trauma as well."

"Right… Thank you, for all your help."

Matthew smiled.

"Of course," Matthew said. "I'm happy to help Lovino."

They ended the call, and Matthew decided to call someone else. He only had to wait for a short while before the familiar voice greeted him from the other end.

"Hey bro!" Alfred exclaimed. "Is this my birthday or something? You don't usually call."

"That's because you don't usually give me a chance to start to miss you," Matthew countered. "Anyway, there's a reason why I called."

"Of course. So, what's up?"

"There's going to be a new student enrolling next week. I want you to keep an eye on him, but please, try to be subtle about it."

"Okay? You don't usually ask something like that. Wait… Is this one of your patients?"

"Yes. I can't tell you much, but… He's been bullied pretty badly. Brutally, in fact. And all of the teachers he's had thought that his injuries were evidence of him being a delinquent."

Alfred was silent for a moment.

"Are you sure that it's all because of bullying?" Alfred asked.

"He ended up in the hospital, and the doctor had to kindly point out that his fists have no evidence of him throwing punches, and his wrist had been broken a few days before he ended up in the hospital, so he wouldn't want to risk anything. And if you see the scars on his arms… He seems to be permanently on 'fight' mode, since 'flight' never worked. Unfortunately, it makes him come across as a bit rude."

"You're going to have to explain it in a way I'm going to understand."

"He lives in a constant state of fear. He's relaxed a bit, but I'm worried that he might return to his previous mentality in the new environment. So, if he could have at least _someone_ on the staff to support him…"

"I get it. Anything else I should know about?"

"He still has a sprained ankle, a broken wrist, a concussion, broken ribs…"

"So in other words, he's going to be on the bleachers for the first couple weeks."

"Pretty much. He'll also most likely wear things with long sleeves, so if he _does_ participate…"

"I'll need to make sure that he doesn't pass out or something, right?"

"Pretty much."

"Okay. Sure, I'll look out for him."

"Thank you."

…

Lovino winced as he took another step. One thing about spending the whole day in bed meant that his ankle wasn't getting enough practice. He knew that it was important to let it rest, but it was also important to allow it to be used. He also needed to pay attention to the way he was stepping.

"You know I can get in trouble for this, right?" Nurse Tino asked.

The Finnish nurse understood Lovino's need to stretch his legs every now and again, and so allowed him to walk a bit around the room. Lovino also learned that this was the nurse on duty when he'd had his… episode. It was clear that he was worried about Lovino doing something else to hurt himself.

"I appreciate this," Lovino said. "But I hope you understand that I don't like feeling trapped."

It had happened far too many times. He'd been cornered by them. Held immobile by them. Unable to escape from them. There was one time they'd even locked him in the janitor's supply closet, and _he'd_ gotten in trouble for being in there, despite anyone with a shred of logic would have realised that there was no way he could lock himself in from the inside with the key on the outside. He'd eyed the bottle of bleach that day. Given how long he'd been in there, if he _had _decided to drink it…

It would have been his escape from the nightmare that was his life.

There was no point in lamenting it now. Besides, a part of him was hoping that they would really change. That his father wasn't so ashamed of him. That Marcello wouldn't be afraid of him. That Feliciano wouldn't ignore what was right in front of him.

A part of him hoped… But it wouldn't be the first time his hopes had been dashed.

He leaned against the wall, feeling the sweat prickling his forehead. Nurse Tino walked closer.

"I think that's enough for now," he said. "Do you need help getting to the bed?"

"N-no," Lovino gasped. "I'm fine."

He could feel the older male's presence as he limped towards his bed. He lay down, and once he felt comfortable, Tino slipped the cuff over the uninjured foot.

"Anything else you need?" Tino asked.

Lovino eyed the pitcher of water sitting on the table. It was nearly empty – about enough for one more glass.

"Some more water would be nice," he said.

"Alright," Tino said, smiling. "I'll go get some for you."

Lovino watched as the nurse left before he grabbed his book. His eyes fell on the short story he'd written, before placing more books on top of it. Matthew wouldn't be coming again until Wednesday, unless something else happened to summon him there. Until then, there was no reason why prying eyes should see what he'd written. He'd had enough of people judging him.

…

The moment Gupta sat down in class the following day, he wasn't too surprised when Vlad came to sit next to him. After all, they _were_ desk neighbours. But the reason why this time was unusual was because Vlad had an expectant look in his eyes.

"Think you can tell me a bit more about our new friend?" Vlad enquired.

"I told you as much as I could _yesterday_," Gupta pointed out, removing his textbooks.

"That wasn't a lot of information. Come on. Is he tall or short, or…?"

"Why don't we stop it right there?" Gupta hissed. "The less people to overhear, the better."

Vlad glanced around, and Gupta was quite satisfied to see that he had a guilty look on his face.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

"Alright, settle down," the teacher interrupted. "I hope everyone's done their homework."

Gupta liked Mr Kirkland, and the subject he taught. English literature was something that the bookworms that made up his social circle excelled in. Gupta actually hoped to become a professor in the literary arts one day. He didn't think he had it in him to be an author. He enjoyed analysing more than writing.

At the end of the period, as they were leaving, Mr Kirkland called Gupta back.

"I hear you're going to visit our new student," Mr Kirkland said. "Do you mind taking him his homework?"

"He's already getting homework?" Gupta asked.

"The teachers all agree that it's best not to let him fall behind. We don't know where his previous school is regarding the classes, so we thought it best to give him time to catch up before things really get hectic."

Gupta thought of Lovino. How he must have been getting bored, lying in a bed all day. So he nodded his head, accepting the papers from the Englishman.

"I'll see to it that he gets these," Gupta said.

Arthur smiled.

"I'm counting on it," he replied.

…

Feliciano was just finishing his Literature class. He and Lovino weren't in the same class, so he didn't know how much Lovino enjoyed it here. Though, after seeing what Lovino was reading, he didn't think that his brother thought highly of their teacher.

"Feliciano, could I have a moment?" the teacher asked.

Feliciano felt a small jolt of panic. She couldn't read minds, could she? Nevertheless, he walked closer.

"Si?" he asked.

The teacher smiled gently at him, and he knew that he at least wasn't in trouble. She handed a paper to him, and he looked down. He felt a jolt when he saw his brother's name.

"It was the 'personal hell' assignment," she explained. "Since… Since he's not coming back, I think it would be best to give it to you, so you can give it back to him."

There wasn't a single mark, making him wonder if she even read it. She sighed.

"I made a copy of it," she explained. "I didn't think it felt right to do anything to the original. Not in light of what happened. Tell him… That it was his best writing. I can see that it came from the heart."

Feliciano mutely nodded his head, before he went off to his next class. He knew that he shouldn't, but during lunch, his curiosity got the better of him.

He spent most of his lunch period in the bathroom, crying his eyes out.

…

Feliks took a deep breath as he handed the project in. He and Lovino had worked hard on it, and he felt sort of… sad to see it go. Probably because it was through this project that he and Lovino had gotten to know one another.

"I'm glad to see that everyone seems to have taken this project seriously," the teacher said. "With _some_ exceptions, I see. Now, today we're doing the Renaissance."

Feliks smiled. The Renaissance was one of the topics they'd touched upon for their project. And again, he missed Lovino.

He couldn't help but think about the request that Lovino had made of him the previous day, and he hoped that it would be his link to continue their friendship. Lovino asked him if he could teach him Polish.

**The bleach scene would have been included, but the story changed slightly. Originally, Lovino would have returned to his old school, where the three harass him again and lock him in the janitor's closet. He would have swallowed the bleach, and just as he passed out, the janitor would have arrived and saw him. Another trip to the hospital, and the school would have launched a proper investigation, since word spreads about someone attempting suicide on school grounds. Afterwards, Romulus would have decided that it was too dangerous to send Lovino back to that school and would have gone searching for another. This was what would have happened if Feliciano didn't say that Lovino shouldn't go back to that school.**


	34. Chapter 34

**Thanks to cAnd13ThEheTaLiaN, Carina Sicily, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, apurehetalian and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 34**

Wednesday came swiftly. Lovino figured that the reason for the time speeding up was because he had something else to do now.

Gupta brought homework with him the previous day, and Lovino reasoned that it was at least something to keep his mind occupied. No matter how much he liked reading, there _was_ such a thing as too much of a good thing. Besides, he didn't want to get yelled at by the teachers on his first day.

Ms Hassan had explained to him that they had checked the results of his aptitude test on Tuesday morning, and it was generally agreed that he would drop the Economy class he previously had, and he would take Consumer Studies in its place. English Literature was still an option for him, and if he promised to put more of an effort into History, then he could keep that subject as well. That just meant that he had to make up the credits in CS.

Consumer Studies was basically a glorified Home Economics. It consisted of a theoretical portion as well as a practical portion, the latter of which was usually cooking or sewing. Ms Hassan informed him that their school only did the cooking part. Still, the subject wasn't too easy.

Lovino figured that the subject would be useful, should he decide to continue living for a long time. He didn't delude himself into thinking that he would find anyone to love him. He was prepared for life as a bachelor. But at least he would know how to take care of himself.

He looked up from the textbook, which was his desperate attempt to catch up on the subject he's never had before. The nurse came in, and she had a huge smile on her face that actually only served to make him nervous.

"Good news," she announced. "Doctor says that we can release you due to good behaviour. Well, not completely release you."

Lovino frowned in confusion, and she produced a key that he knew very well by now. She uncuffed his ankle, and to his surprise, released the other end of the cuff as well.

"At least now, you don't have to ask for help when you want to go to the bathroom," she explained.

His eyes widened when he realised exactly what it was that the nurse was telling him, and he beamed in delight.

"Grazie!" he exclaimed.

She smiled warmly at his joy, before making her expression firm.

"Of course, this doesn't mean that you're allowed to act recklessly," she said. "We're trusting you. Don't betray that trust. Like I said, you don't want to be sent to a special clinic."

He winced, before glancing towards his books. No, he didn't want to lose access to them.

"Si, I understand," he said.

He didn't add that he wouldn't be stupid enough to attempt suicide in the hospital. That was probably the last place he should try if he had any intention of it being successful.

…

"So, when can we meet him?" Vlad asked eagerly.

Gupta sighed. He was glad that the others were so eager, but they had to be a bit more patient.

"Well, the hospital seems to be a bit annoyed by how many visitors he has," Gupta said. "They're allowing it for the most part because of the reason why he's there, but it's clear that the nurse was annoyed when I came by yesterday."

"So, who are the other visitors?" Heracles asked.

"His brothers, his father, and a friend from school."

"Brothers?" Miguel repeated. "Aren't they coming with him?"

Gupta shook his head.

"No, they're not," he responded. "I don't exactly know the story there, but I get the feeling that they're guilty. Like they feel that it's _their _fault their brother is in the hospital."

The others were silent as they contemplated Gupta's words.

"Well…" Miguel started. "We don't know the full story yet, do we? We only know that he's been bullied pretty badly, and he tried to… you know. And I doubt that he trusts Gupta enough after only knowing him for two days to tell him more of his life."

Gupta nodded his head. He agreed with his friend. It was still too soon. Lovino only saw him as an acquaintance, and there was no way he would trust him enough to share many personal details.

"But that's our goal then, isn't it?" Vlad asked. "Make him comfortable enough to trust us."

"…Does the hospital allow snacks?" Yao asked.

"His father brought him pizza, since he refuses to eat the hospital's food," Gupta said. "You have something in mind?"

Yao nodded.

"I was thinking of making fortune cookies," he said. "Put some inspirational messages in them."

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea," Heracles said. "But won't he be upset that we know of his situation?"

"…I think I should ask him about it first," Gupta sighed. "At least, I want to warn him. See how he feels about it."

"That might be a good idea," Miguel said. "But be sure to tell him that we're eager to make the transition easier for him."

Gupta nodded his head.

"And what about that friend of his?" Vlad asked.

"He apparently recently transferred to Lovino's old school," Gupta said. "He noticed that something was off, and he… I don't know the exact details, since both of them were pretty uncomfortable with that, but I… I'm pretty sure there was an incident that told the friend that Lovino was in a bad place."

"And instead of ignoring it, he decided that he would try to help," Miguel muttered. "Good friend. What happens to him if Lovino transfers? If he's new himself, then he wouldn't have many friends yet, right?"

Gupta shrugged. He honestly didn't know.

…

Lovino watched Matthew eagerly as the other read through the short story that Lovino had written. It was a story he titled _The Fix_, about someone living in clear poverty – a single parent, sharing what was basically a room with their two children – going to get their 'fix'. The twist came at the very end when the narrator entered a bookstore, calling it their dealer.

"This is pretty good," Matthew said, smiling at him. "The ending is pretty powerful."

Lovino could feel the corners of his lips tug upwards at the praise. It was the first time someone liked something he wrote.

"Grazie," he said. "I tried to make it ambiguous, so that it could apply to a number of situations."

"I can see that," Matthew said. "Your use of the first-person narrator eliminates the need to use gendered pronouns, making it apply to either a man or a woman. You also make race and nationality unclear, which can also apply to a variety of people."

Lovino nodded.

"I started getting the idea when we did a lesson on why people resort to drugs and alcohol," he said. "The basic idea is, if life gets too difficult, there are _other_ ways to handle it."

Matthew nodded.

"And suicide is also not an option," Matthew said.

Lovino's smile fell, and he averted his gaze.

"I'm not trying to criticise you," Matthew quickly said. "But, like you said…"

"…The thing is, the narrator still has hope for the children's future," he said. "That's one of the main points. They can't afford to die. But, I… I could…"

"You have people to live for, too," Matthew said. "Why don't we try something? Will you promise me that you wouldn't try another attempt for at least a year? If you ever feel that life gets too overwhelming, or that your books are no longer enough… Why don't you try writing? You have a talent for it."

A year. That was what Matthew was offering him. To try to see if things could be better a year from now. Lovino closed his eyes. He'd gone through ten years of pure hell. What was one more?

"…Alright," he said at last. "One year. I'll give it one more year."

Matthew smiled in approval.

…

"I feel that I should warn you," Gupta said while visiting in the afternoon. "My friends know about you. And they want to meet you."

Lovino froze. He'd expected that Gupta would have his own friends, but to know that they _knew_ about this situation…

"I… Um…" Lovino stammered, unsure of what to say.

"Like, why don't you tell us about them?" Feliks asked.

It was only the three of them at the moment. Feliciano and Marcello had club activities, and they would be coming for the evening's visiting hours. Romulus had stepped out, allowing the three teenagers to bond a bit without his presence to make things uncomfortable.

"Alright," Gupta said. "Well… Oh, by the way, how do you feel about Chinese fortune cookies?"

Lovino blinked, cocking his head to the side.

"That's random," he remarked.

"One of my friends, Yao, wants to know," Gupta clarified. "He wants to bake you some."

Lovino tensed a bit.

"I'm not interested in pity," he said.

He hadn't gotten any sympathy for years, and he was still overwhelmed by the sympathy he was getting now. However, he didn't want any pity.

"It's not pity," Gupta said. "Yao is a bit of a mother hen in my group. So, it's mostly because he thinks it could help cheer you up. And he's also been complaining that they hadn't done anything challenging in CS recently, so I think he wants to do something that he feels is a challenge."

Lovino perked up when he realised that Gupta's friend was taking the subject he needed to start with.

"To be honest, I've never really had them before," he admitted. "I… I guess I'm curious to try."

"Ooh, can I have some too?" Feliks asked.

"I'm sure Yao wouldn't mind if you tried some too," Gupta remarked. "I'll tell him."

Lovino watched as Gupta typed a message on his phone, before putting it away.

"I'm not sure _when_ he intends to make them," he said. "Could be today or tomorrow. Knowing him, it would _definitely_ be done before the weekend."

"Like, what about homework?" Feliks asked.

"Yao can manage."

"What else can you tell us about him?" Lovino asked.

"He has a younger brother and sister," Gupta explained. "Twins. I think they're the same age as Marcello, actually."

"My fratellino will be interested in the sister. He likes female company, but not in a bad way. He's a bit too much like my father in that regard. He likes flirting, but it never goes farther than that."

"I didn't know that about Marcello," Feliks remarked.

"I guess he hasn't been much in a mood, really. He once tried to convince my father to let him join ballet, and when my father caved and finally asked _why_, Marcello explained that he'd most likely be the only boy among the pretty girls."

"…I'll be sure not to tell Yao about that," Gupta said. "I don't think he'd appreciate it if his sister got that sort of attention."

"Like, isn't he friends with Mr Zwingli's daughter?" Feliks asked.

"The two knew each other since they were in diapers," Lovino explained. "Or practically in diapers. When Feliciano asked him about it once, he explained that it would be similar to flirting with his sister. Some lines are not meant to be crossed."

"Glad he knows restraint," Gupta remarked wryly. "Then there's Vlad, and I think he's probably the most eager to meet you."

"Why? What did you tell him about me?"

"You like reading horror. He's practically our expert when it comes to Gothic fiction. He and his little brother use horror movies as 'bonding time'. As you probably know, it's not too popular a genre."

Lovino nodded in understanding.

"If it's not a problem, do you mind if he comes with me tomorrow?" Gupta asked.

Lovino considered it for a moment. He supposed that it would be nice to meet one of Gupta's friends, especially if there was a hope of him becoming _his_ friend as well. And it might help him if he could get to know them individually, instead of as a group.

"O-okay," Lovino said hesitantly. "What about his brother?"

"Alex is ten, but they're pretty close," Gupta explained. "He's a really sweet kid."

Lovino couldn't help but smile. He could see from the expression on Gupta's face that he was pretty fond of Vlad's brother as well.

"Then there's Miguel," Gupta said. "He's pretty much the kindest one out of all of us. If Yao is the mother hen, then he's like the father of the group."

Lovino stiffened when he heard the name. He knew a bit about names, and variations based on languages. And the name Miguel…

"Is he Spanish or something?" Lovino asked.

Gupta looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Technically speaking, he's Spanish/Portuguese," he said. "But since he was born in Portugal and spent his first few years there, he prefers to identify as Portuguese. He hates it when someone mistakes him for a Spaniard. I do know that he has a cousin living nearby, but I don't know exactly where."

That didn't exactly make Lovino relax. If anything, his mind strayed back to Antonio, who started out as a friend and became his tormentor.

"Like, anyone else?" Feliks asked, noticing that Lovino was a bit distressed.

"Yes…" Gupta said, noticing that something was wrong with Lovino as well, but not commenting on it. "Heracles is last. He's a huge fan of philosophical works, as well as mythology. Just don't get him to start saying his philosophy on something, please."

Lovino barely heard him. He didn't know that he would react like this at the possibility of meeting someone who was half-Spanish. He didn't even know the guy yet, and he… he was already afraid of him.

…

Yao hurried into the kitchen, feeling the sweat cling to his face as he rushed inside, before depositing the bags. He had to walk to and from the supermarket, carrying the bags of ingredients. He was glad that Gupta had informed him while he was already at the supermarket, otherwise he wouldn't have been too happy.

He quickly washed his hands, before setting to work. It was during this process that Mei and Leon wandered in, most likely wondering what he was doing. It was too early for dinner, after all.

"…What are you making?" Mei asked.

"Fortune cookies," Yao replied.

"What's the occasion?" Leon asked.

Yao paused, before he looked at his younger siblings. Unfortunately, he knew that the two of them were prone to gossiping, especially Mei. But he also knew that they wouldn't leave him alone until he gave them a satisfactory answer, and they would catch on if it was a lie.

"…First, I need you to promise me that you will not say a _word_ of this to anybody," he said. "I don't want any of this getting out, and if it does, you'll be making your own dinners for a _month_."

The two of them paled when they heard that. Neither of them particularly enjoyed cooking, and Leon especially was lethal to have in the kitchen.

"Promise!" Mei said quickly, and Leon nodded his head.

Yao eyed the two for a moment longer, before he sighed.

"There's a new student coming soon," he explained. "Gupta's already reached out to him, and the rest of us are getting ready to welcome him into our group too. But… the thing is, he's been bullied pretty badly at his old school. He's been in the hospital for about a week. I'm baking him fortune cookies with inspirational notes."

He decided to omit the part where he was there after attempted suicide. Well, apparently, Lovino would have ended up in the hospital either way.

The twins shared a look. It looked as though they were trying to judge whether or not he was lying. Finally, they turned back to him.

"Is he alright?" Mei asked.

"Kind of," Yao said. "Gupta says he still flinches a bit when you get too close too fast."

"What are his injuries?" Leon asked.

"Broken wrist, broken ribs, sprained ankle, concussion, and a lot of bruising," Yao listed.

"Poor thing!" Mei exclaimed, hands pressing against her mouth. "Do you have any messages?"

"I wrote down a few at school," Yao said.

"I can write a few more, if you'd like."

Yao smiled.

"Thank you," he said.

…

Miguel was not happy. Not at all.

His mother had asked him to go to the shopping centre. Apparently, his cousin and his two friends had taken a bus to the shopping centre. They were having some trouble at their school, apparently, and had come here to do some things. And since they weren't exactly local, Miguel was asked to accompany them and act as a guide.

Well, perhaps he could take advantage of this torture. Last time he went to the bookstore, he saw a cloth-bound copy of _Treasure Island_. He was in a hurry last time, so he didn't have a chance to buy it. Hopefully, it was still in the store.

He was supposed to meet his cousin in front of the music store, and sure enough, he could see the trio. He raised his eyebrow. They were usually annoying to be around, but they seemed to be a bit subdued.

However, their subdued attitude disappeared once they spotted him, and their usual expressions returned.

"Kesese, it's about time," Gilbert said. "What took you so long?"

Miguel scoffed, rolling his eyes. He'd heard that apparently the three of them were popular at their school. He couldn't imagine why, though. Personally, he found them to be unpleasant. They were particularly arrogant.

He glanced towards his cousin. Only Antonio seemed to remain a bit sombre, despite his attempt at smiling. Miguel would have normally asked about it, but he knew that he wouldn't get an honest answer, so he decided to skip it.

"Let's just get this over with," Miguel sighed.

**I'm glad to see how excited you are about the new characters. I'm just confused that no one seemed to have picked up on Portugal (anyone who's read my other stories would know my name for Portugal by now).**

**I bought a cloth-bound copy of **_**Treasure Island**_**. The price wasn't bad. But the book that caught my attention was **_**Dracula**_**, also cloth-bound, and at the same price (**_**really**_** a bargain). The design was also very beautiful. It was torturous, since I already have **_**Dracula**_**, which is part of a complete collection of Bram Stoker with a very nice design.**

_**The Fix**_** is a short story I wrote about a month ago, but I don't know what to do with it yet.**

**Consumer Studies was one of my subjects at school, and it's a glorified Home Economics. Some of the subject matter involves health, clothing, buying vs renting a house, and of course, cooking. During our practical assignments, we had to do an activity in our recipe books. I can't remember all of them, but one is a cost calculation. This is basically what you do if you're ever interested in selling the food you make. As my teacher described it, it's a combination of several other subjects as well, such as Accounting, Biology, Science, etc.**


	35. Chapter 35

**Thanks to Carina Sicily, ****cAnd13ThEheTaLiaN, MonalisaRomano17, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, apurehetalian, U, Mo and two anons for reviewing. And we've reached 100 reviews! Thanks!**

**Sorry if I post a bit later in the day. Work's been hectic recently. But I **_**will**_** try to update on my regular days.**

**Since I was asked, the edition of **_**Treasure Island**_** I have is Puffin Classics. I also have the Canterbury Classics of HP Lovecraft, Edgar Allan Poe and **_**Dracula**_**. And as for**_** The Fix**_**… Like I said, I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it. I don't know if I should try selling it to a magazine, publish it online or check if there's a short short story competition (I know Writer's Digest has one, but last time I checked it wasn't time for submissions).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 35**

"Thanks for taking me, Ms H," Vlad said.

Eshe Hassan rolled her eyes, but she still gave a small smile. She agreed that it was a good idea to introduce Lovino to another of Gupta's friends. Perhaps, if he had more familiar people around him, he would be able to adjust easier to it all.

She recalled the things she'd read in the report sent by Lovino's previous school. They didn't have anything good to say about him, but there was a footnote, saying that they themselves no longer know if what the report said was true, or if they had misjudged him. But that made her seriously consider calling the authorities to launch a proper investigation of that school. For one thing, they hadn't been acting objectively when they wrote about Lovino. There was serious prejudice there. But what had caused the prejudice in the first place, she had a feeling that no one could remember.

And in the meantime, a boy was suffering. After a while, his gaze had grown distant. As though he was resigned. He looked as though he didn't want to allow himself to have high expectations.

But at least he and Gupta were getting along, and it looked as though her son was growing to genuinely like him. Perhaps, if all went well, Lovino could settle in nicely, and he could finally start living his life, the way he had been meant to live it.

…

Lovino had just put down the pen when there was a knock on the door. He turned to see that his family had arrived.

"Hey Vino," Feliciano greeted. "How are you feeling today?"

Feliciano and Marcello had finally caught on to the nickname that Feliks had given their brother, and once they found that they were alright to use it, they had started calling him by that nickname as well. Lovino was a bit surprised by how something so simple could give his brothers so much joy.

"Literature homework was a book report," Lovino said simply. "That's probably the _one_ thing I'm good at."

"Like, don't say that," Feliks scolded, having come along with Feliciano and the others. "History went well, in case you're wondering. Like, I think we might do the best in the class."

Lovino shook his head. He highly doubted it.

"Well, I see the whole family is here again," Dr Fryderyk said as he wandered in. "Mr Vargas, may I have a word with you?"

Romulus pursed his lips, before he nodded. Lovino felt a stab of fear as the two left. Did he do something that the doctor didn't like?

"So, like, I started reading _Lord of the Flies_," Feliks said. "It's not a bad start…"

"Leave that until you've got the stomach for it," Lovino quickly advised. "It's not something for starting readers to read."

Feliks blinked in surprise.

"Like, is it scary or something?" Feliks asked.

"Not exactly," Lovino sighed. "It's a deconstruction, and kind of a parody, though it's become more famous than the books it parodied. Also, think of it as a social commentary. And it kind of struck a little too close to home."

"Like, what do you mean?"

"That book is about what would happen if a bunch of boys are on an island without adult supervision."

Feliks shuddered, and Lovino was glad that he seemed to get the message. As a victim of bullying himself, Feliks would know _exactly_ how children or teenagers would behave without adults to rein them in.

Lovino's attention turned back to the door, and he wondered what the doctor could have wanted to discuss with his father.

…

"What's wrong?" Romulus asked as soon as he entered Dr Fryderyk's office.

The Pole smiled.

"For once, this is _good_ news," he said. "Lovino is doing rather well, and he's already been here longer than standard procedure. I'd say it's safe to discharge him soon."

Romulus's eyes widened, and Fryderyk was glad to see the man smile.

"That's great!" Romulus exclaimed. "How soon is soon?"

"Saturday morning, perhaps," Fryderyk said.

"I can't wait to tell everyone! Oh, I think… Si. I think we should throw a party for Lovino."

"I don't see why not. I suppose Feliks would want to be there as well."

"Of course! It would be unfair to exclude him. He's done so much for my son."

Fryderyk smiled, and after some more chatting, the two made their way back to the hospital room. It was almost time for Ms Hassan and her son to arrive, and he wanted to have a word with his own son.

"Feliks," he said as soon as they reached the room. "Could we have a chat?"

The younger Pole looked worried, but he nodded his head, following his father out of the room. They didn't go too far, and only when Feliks saw his smile did he relax a bit.

"I wanted to make sure, before I told you," Fryderyk said. "We noticed how… down you've been lately, and we know that it's because your time with Lovino is being cut short. We also realise that it wouldn't be a good idea to leave you in a school that would completely ignore bullying."

Feliks widened his eyes.

"Like, what are you saying?" he asked.

"I spoke to Ms Hassan," Fryderyk explained, smiling softly. "Starting on Monday, you'd be joining Lovino at his new school."

Feliks gasped, before he wrapped his father in a tight hug.

"Thank you!" he shouted. "Dzięki! I can't wait to tell Vino! Wait… Do you think I should keep it as a surprise?"

"That's your choice to make," Fryderyk said. "So, should we get back? I suspect that Ms Hassan and her son would be arriving soon."

Feliks eagerly nodded his head, and the two returned to the hospital room.

…

It wasn't long after Feliks returned that Gupta and his mother arrived. However, Lovino's attention was immediately drawn to the other teenager with them. The guy looked friendly enough, and kind of reminded him of a vampire. But it was the sight of his red eyes that made his limbs lock into place.

Blue and green eyes didn't bother him. He'd seen enough people with those eye colours. But Gilbert had been the only other person he'd met with red eyes.

"Hi, Lovino," the new arrival greeted. "I'm Vlad. Nice to meet you."

Lovino could only nod, his voice fleeing from him. Vlad's attention was drawn to the piles of books around Lovino, and he picked one up.

"Lovecraft," Vlad said. "Which one's your favourite? I like _Cats of Ulthar_."

Lovino averted his eyes, and he found that it was a lot easier to have Vlad there if he couldn't look at his eyes.

"…I like _The Outsider_," Lovino said.

"Ooh, that's a good one!" Vlad said. "The ending makes it pretty chilling. Kind of like _Randolph Carter_."

Lovino nodded his head, though he didn't turn to regard Vlad.

"Oh, by the way, Yao sent these," Vlad said, before he placed a box on Lovino's lap.

Lovino blinked in surprise, and he turned slightly to regard Vlad. The red eyes sent a thrill of fear down his spine, and he quickly returned his attention back to the box, opening it.

"Fortune cookies," he said, recalling what Gupta said the previous day.

"Could we have one too?" Feliciano asked.

It was at that moment that Lovino realised that Feliciano and Marcello hadn't made an effort to introduce themselves. As though they were allowing Lovino this moment to himself.

"Sure," Lovino said, taking one and allowing his brothers and Feliks to take one as well.

"So, you must be Lovino's brothers," Vlad said.

Lovino idly listened to their introductions as he held his cookie with his left hand. He knew how to eat it, despite never having had one before. He just needed to check the fortune…

Though, he didn't really think that there _would_ be a fortune – these were homemade, after all. So, when he cracked the cookie open and saw a slip of paper fall out, he was pretty surprised. He carefully took the paper and read what it said.

_You are not alone_.

The note didn't look generic and printed. It looked handwritten, and he was sure that he could sense that this was made personally with him in mind. Tears pricked his eyes at the very thought, and he had to quickly blink them away.

He looked over towards Feliciano and Marcello, who'd grown silent as they read their fortunes. The two shared a glance, before placing the strips of paper onto Lovino's lap. He looked down at them and read them as well.

_They don't care about you, so why should you care about what they think about you?_

These words sounded harsh at first, but the more he mulled them over, the more he realised what the writer wanted to say. It was useless to obsess over what other people were thinking about you, when they didn't even spare a thought for you. He'd stopped caring what the people at his old school thought of him, but the fear and anxiety had returned at the thought of the new school.

He noticed that the handwriting on the two papers was different, and wondered how many people spent their time on this. He shook the thought off before he looked at the other paper.

_Believe in yourself and don't try to convince others._

Again, the handwriting was different, and Lovino couldn't help but compare these notes to ones he'd read in the past directed to him. There was a reason why he refused to be involved on social media. But _these_ notes… They seemed to echo in his mind. In his heart.

Lovino glanced towards Feliks, who quietly slipped his own note into his pocket. Lovino knew that Feliciano and Marcello understood that these notes were written specifically for him, and made sure that he got the message. Feliks, having a similar experience to Lovino, could also stand to benefit from these notes.

"…Hey, Lovino?" Vlad suddenly said. "Do I… make you nervous or something?"

Lovino jumped a bit, and he looked in Vlad's direction, though he quickly had to lower his eyes again when they locked onto Vlad's.

"What makes you ask that?" he asked.

"…I get it," Vlad said, and Lovino detected the hurt in his voice. "It's the eyes, isn't it? I know they're not normal… I'm used to it."

Lovino wondered if Vlad's eye colour had gotten him ostracised before. He quickly shook his head.

"It's not… _that_, exactly," he said. "You… There's someone else with… red eyes."

Feliks gasped, as though he understood what Lovino was saying.

"Like, I get it!" Feliks exclaimed. "Like, it's nothing personal. It's just… the only other person he knows with eyes like that was one of his bullies."

Lovino closed his eyes. Now that he heard it being said out loud, it sounded petty.

"I'm sorry," Lovino said. "I just… It'll take some getting used to."

He could still see Gilbert in front of him, eyes like blood conveying how much he hated Lovino as he had a hand wrapped around Lovino's throat.

"I understand," Vlad said. "It's not a common sight, and the only other person you can use as a reference hurt you. Isn't that right?"

Lovino nodded his head, hating himself for insulting this new person that was supposed to help him adjust to his new school.

"…So, have you read anything by Stephen King?" Vlad asked.

"Of course!" Lovino said, indignant that Vlad would think otherwise. "The first one I read was _Carrie_."

"Ah, starting with the debut," Vlad said. "I personally enjoyed _'Salem's Lot_. Call it a weakness I have for vampire novels."

Lovino glanced at Vlad, noticing the elongated canine tooth, and snorted in amusement. He also took note of the other's accent.

"A bit cliché, don't you think?" Lovino asked.

"Says the one who has _The Godfather_ here," Vlad countered.

Lovino blushed when he realised that Vlad had a point.

"That… That wasn't my intention," Lovino sputtered. "_I'm_ not the one who brought these books."

He realised that he had been watching Vlad for a while now, and Vlad smiled. Lovino averted his gaze again, though he could detect that there was _some _form of victory achieved.

"Have you ever tried Wilbur Smith?" Gupta asked. "I especially love his _Egyptian_ series."

"And we're back on the subject of clichés," Vlad said.

"Whatever," Gupta scoffed. "The writing is good, research excellent, story intriguing… And someone who's read _Dracula_ four times has no right to judge."

Lovino looked up just in time to see Vlad sticking his tongue out at Gupta, and he couldn't help but laugh at the friends' antics. The two had good chemistry, and Lovino found himself hoping that _he_ would be able to get such good chemistry with someone as well.

…

Romulus waited until it was time to leave before he approached the teenagers. The group walked a distance from Lovino's room before he decided to make his announcement.

"Lovino's being discharged on Saturday," he announced.

"That's great news!" Feliciano said.

When he joined them, he'd placed his hand on Feliciano's shoulder. Marcello jerked away from the same motion, obviously still upset with Romulus for the way Lovino had been treated, despite Romulus's efforts to make things better.

"So, I was thinking of having a 'welcome back' party for him, and I would appreciate it if you could all join us," Romulus continued.

"That sounds like a grand idea," Eshe said.

"And we can introduce the others!" Vlad said excitedly.

Romulus turned to look at Feliks, who was part of the group, and yet aside.

"You'd be joining us too, right Feliks?" Romulus asked.

The teen smiled and nodded. Well, that was settled.

After arranging a time and explaining where the address was, the group separated. Romulus left the hospital with his two sons, but instead of immediately going home, Romulus had a different destination in mind.

"Ve, where are we going?" Feliciano asked.

"Remember our discussion about getting Lovino a puppy?" Romulus asked.

"_Now_?" Marcello asked.

"It won't hurt. I just thought that we could go pick out a puppy now, and get it before I go fetch Lovino on Saturday."

"…Why aren't _we_ included in Saturday's plans?"

"I need you to help set up the party. I also need to do something alone with Lovino."

"What's that?" Feliciano asked.

Marcello was eyeing him suspiciously, and Romulus knew that he needed to make his intentions clear.

"I promised your mother that I would take him out for ice-cream when they got back from the hospital," Romulus explained. "With the accident and your mother dying, we never really got to do that. I wonder, if I _did_ take him, if things could have been different."

The younger two Italians were silent as they absorbed the information. Finally, Marcello sighed.

"Alright," he said. "We'll set things up. Just… don't do anything stupid."

Romulus nodded his head. He didn't want his stupidity to get his son into the hospital again, or worse.

…

"A party?" Heracles asked the next day.

Gupta and Vlad had just related to the rest of their group about the party, and everyone was mulling it over. The first to break the silence was Miguel, who groaned in frustration.

"I can't," he said. "There's this family thing on Saturday. My grandma's eightieth birthday."

"And there's no way to get out of it?" Vlad asked.

Miguel shook his head.

"Well, I guess waiting two more days won't cause a lot of harm," Vlad said. "He's pretty nice to be around, once you get him to relax. Also, he seemed to like the cookies."

Yao beamed at the news.

"Do you think we should get him gifts or something?" Heracles asked.

"I'm not sure," Gupta admitted. "What _do_ you do at a 'welcome-back-from-the-hospital' party?"

They were silent as they pondered this, before turning to regard Miguel. His head whipped around as he noticed that his friends were all looking at him.

"Why's everyone looking at _me_?" he asked.

"Well, you _are _the best at figuring out stuff like this," Vlad said, grinning apologetically.

Miguel huffed, before growing thoughtful.

"The thing is, we don't really know him yet," Miguel said. "For all we know, he could consider getting gifts from near-strangers to be a bit pretentious. All things considered, I think he would appreciate everyone just showing up."

"And if we _want_ to give him gifts?" Vlad asked.

"Then go for something small, like chocolates or something."

"I'm actually pretty excited," Yao said. "Now I just need to make sure that I get out of the house without the twins realising I'm leaving. They're going to want to go too."

"They helped you with the messages, right?" Gupta asked.

Yao nodded.

"They know about Lovino, and I'm keeping a close eye on them to make sure that they don't blab about it," Yao said.

"What did you threaten them with?" Heracles asked.

"Cooking their own meals for a month."

Vlad snickered at that.

"I hope to never make you angry," he said.

…

Lovino was drumming his fingers anxiously, stealing glances towards the box of fortune cookies every now and again. He was tempted to open them up. To read the messages inside. Knowing that they were positive messages written specifically for _him_… It had never been done before, and a part of him wanted to convince himself that it wasn't a dream. That people that hadn't even met him yet cared more about him than people who'd known him his entire life.

He knew that he would be discharged the following day, and that just made the fear worse. He would be starting school on Monday. In a few days, the cycle would begin anew.

He _wanted_ to believe that things would be different now, but it was only a matter of time before Gupta and his friends found that he wasn't worth being around. If he was lucky, he would only end up alone again.

**The one about not caring what other people think because they don't care about you is a philosophy that I wish I'd adopted in high school. Basically, why obsess over trying to impress strangers or people who couldn't spare you a single thought? If they're not people you associate with, then what does it matter what they think about you? And at the same time, those that **_**do**_** care about you would accept you for who you are.**

**The one about believing in yourself and not trying to convince others is a Taoist quote. I actually managed to get the Tao Te Ching during the weekend, and will start reading it once I get the chance.**

**Speaking of books, I managed to get an order placed for a French, annotated and illustrated copy of **_**Phantom of the Opera**_**. It's a bit pricy, but it would be worth it! The bookstore I'm ordering it through only opened about three months ago, and it's a forty-five-minute drive away, but I'm already a familiar face at the store. Partially because I made the mistake of buying a later book in a trilogy and needed to order the rest because they don't have the other books on the shelf. Twice. Partially because I've had some long discussions with the staff regarding books. And I think I already spent about R2000 at the store… Maybe R3000. And the name is **_**Bargain Books**_**. Yeah… Well, I have no reason to complain of boredom. The classics are actually the best things to buy there. The prices are **_**ridiculously**_** low. R185 for **_**War and Peace**_**, and**__**R60 seems to be the norm. A Stephen King book is easily R350 **_**at least**_**.**

**Wilbur Smith is probably my dad's favourite author, but the only books I've read of his were the Egyptian series. And I was in primary school when I started. My mom wasn't too happy. But giving a Jeffrey Deaver book to a ten-year-old is **_**fine**_** (for context: we were on a train tour, rarely arrived at towns, and I was **_**bored**_**, so after finishing the book she brought, she decided that it would be better to expose a ten-year-old to a crime thriller than allow said ten-year-old to remain bored).**


	36. Chapter 36

**Thanks to MonalisaRomano17, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 36**

Romulus checked everything one more time. He'd gone earlier to fetch the puppy, which was sleeping peacefully in the kitchen. Feliciano and Marcello were making arrangements, and Feliks had also come to help. Gupta and his friends would be coming soon as well.

"Is everything okay?" he asked one more time.

"We can manage," Marcello said. "We'll send you a message when everything is ready. Until then, spend the time with Lovino, and don't you dare make him sad again."

Romulus nodded his head, before he grabbed his keys.

"Alright," he said. "I'm counting on you."

"Have fun," Feliciano called out. "And good luck."

…

Lovino's eyes scanned the room one more time. It felt strange, not wearing pyjamas for the first time in over a week (his father had been kind enough to bring him new pyjamas when it became clear that he would be staying there for some time, though he would have appreciated it more if they weren't summer pyjamas). He also felt an immense sense of terror.

He wasn't a fool. Things would never change. It would be fine, for a while, but everything would eventually return to normal. He would be left in the darkness again, without anyone to comfort him.

His arm was at least removed from its sling, though he was wearing a splint. He would need to take it easy with his right hand. He was also advised to use a crutch for his left ankle, but he didn't really want to look like someone that just came back from war. At least his head was no longer bandaged.

He checked the bags at his feet. One was full of books that had been brought and bought for him over the course of the week, with some being finished. He had a _lot _of time on his hands, after all. The second bag was filled with the schoolwork that had been brought. This bag was considerably lighter, and he at least managed to get most of it done, with the exception of CS. And the last bag was filled with the necessities, such as his pyjamas and toothbrush.

Lovino tensed when he heard footsteps approaching. By now, he could recognise the nurse's footsteps, and he knew his father's footsteps very well.

Some would think he was crazy, if he said that his stay in the hospital was like a dream he didn't want to wake up from. Because for the first time in _years_, he had been cared for. But now the dream was ending. It was time to return to the harsh reality that was his life.

He turned around when the nurse and his father finally reached the door.

"Everything set?" the nurse asked.

Lovino nodded his head, and his father took the bags at his feet, grunting a bit when he picked up the bag of books.

"I can take one of those," Lovino offered weakly.

"No, it's fine," Romulus said. "Besides, we don't want to cause unnecessary strain for you."

His injured wrist meant that he would only be able to carry something with his left hand, which was the same side as his injured ankle, and the extra weight might prove problematic. Especially if he took the bag of books.

Lovino followed his father to the entrance of the hospital, feeling nervous as he went. He nodded and smiled to the hospital staff that he passed, who were all wishing him good luck and saying that they didn't hope to see him again soon. When they finally reached the entrance, Lovino winced when he stepped into the sunlight.

"You okay?" Romulus asked.

"Si," Lovino said. "I've just been cooped up inside this whole time."

Romulus nodded in understanding, before he looked towards the sky.

"It's a beautiful day," Romulus remarked.

Lovino shrugged, and the two made their way to Romulus's car. After loading up all the bags, the two got in and started to drive off.

Lovino stared out the window. A part of him wanted to return to his room, and to his own bed, even if the bed was uncomfortable. But he didn't want to return to the way things had been before. Though the thing he probably missed most was…

"So, what's the first thing you're going to do when we get home?" Romulus asked.

"A bath," Lovino said. "Stupid hospital only has a shower."

"What? They didn't give you a sponge bath?"

Lovino made sure to put as much ice as possible into his eyes when he turned to regard his father.

"I made it _very clear_ that I'm _not_ good with physical contact," Lovino said coldly. "Or did you not notice that either?"

Romulus flinched, eyes having slid to Lovino, but now turned back to the road.

"…I noticed," Romulus muttered. "I also managed to figure out a few reasons why. I was just… trying to joke with you. Lighten the mood."

Lovino instantly felt guilty, and the old fear returned. The fear of not being able to do anything right.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"It's alright," Romulus dismissed. "I just… forgot you're not used to having people joke _with_ you."

No, he was used to being the centre of the joke. Like the time the trio convinced Bella that the only reason why Lovino was trying to be her friend was because he wanted to get lucky with her. She got angry at him, the friendship ended, and the trio were laughing about it for days.

"…Did they ever make a joke at your expense?" Romulus asked.

Lovino nodded his head. He didn't want to go into detail. He didn't want to give examples.

The times when he went to the hospital were few – ironic, considering the number of times he'd been injured – so he didn't really know the route. Which was why he didn't realise that they weren't immediately going home until his father stopped in the middle of town.

"Huh?" Lovino voiced his confusion.

"Come on," Romulus said, opening the door. "I thought we could go out for ice-cream first."

Lovino blinked a few times in confusion, before he climbed out as well. He didn't really mind, to be honest. If it meant that he could delay the inevitable for a little longer, then he was fine with it.

"So, what would you like?" Romulus asked as soon as they reached the counter.

Lovino took a moment to examine the ice-creams. He'd never really gone to a place like this before, and he had no idea that there were so many choices. Or that some of the choices could be so… strange. He finally made a choice.

"Toffee," he said.

Romulus ordered two toffee ice-creams, and once they received and paid for their order, they went to find a placed to sit down to enjoy it.

"Have you ever been here before?" Romulus asked.

Lovino shook his head.

"It's a bit depressing to go somewhere like this alone," Lovino said. "It's already weird going to Mario's for my birthday."

Romulus froze.

"Is… that where you go?" he asked.

Lovino hesitated, before he nodded.

"Their cake is surprisingly good," Lovino said.

Romulus pursed his lips, averting his eyes.

"I'm really sorry about all of this," Romulus said. "I should have paid more attention to you."

Lovino's throat started to ache, and he quickly took a bite of his ice-cream.

"This ice-cream's pretty good," he said.

Romulus nodded, and he looked relieved to change the subject.

Several minutes passed in tense silence. Lovino had no idea what to talk about, and he suspected that his father was afraid of saying something that might upset Lovino again.

Lovino's eyes shifted to the side when he heard his father's phone chime, and the older Italian quickly checked it. He saw his father type a message in reply, before putting the phone away.

"You know…" Romulus said, "you could have always come with Feliciano or Marcello to this place."

Lovino snorted.

"Until two weeks ago, Cello was scared of me," he said. "And Feli… Knowing him, the moment he saw one of his friends, he would have invited them over here, or he would have told them about it if we made plans. And most of them… hate me."

Actually, he was pretty sure that the only one of Feliciano's friends that didn't mind him was Kiku. But even then, if wasn't as though the Japanese male was friendly with him. Just civil.

"Oh," Romulus said.

They remained silent as they finished their ice-creams. When it was time to leave, Lovino did so with a heavy heart. He could already see how he would be forgotten in his room. How he would be left to suffer alone, like before.

The moment he stepped outside the ice-cream parlour, he froze. Walking on the other side of the street was Francis, accompanied by his sister. He didn't know what they were talking about, but Francis was thankfully not looking in his direction. But he could still picture the moment when Francis would look to the side and see him. And what then?

"Are you okay?" Romulus asked.

Lovino stiffly nodded, and he climbed into the car as swiftly as possible. Several seconds later, his father climbed into the car. He turned to Lovino, a worried look on his face.

"What's going on?" Romulus asked.

Lovino shook his head. He wanted to go home now. Seeing one of _them_… He needed to get away. He wanted to return to his room and wrap himself in a blanket.

He wondered why he was suddenly so scared of them. He thought that he was used to them. But perhaps it was the fact that he'd experienced freedom from them, and there was the possibility that he wouldn't have to see them anymore. So now, this little dose of reality made him realise that there was no escape. He would never be free.

Romulus stared at him for a long moment, before he started the car. Lovino sighed in relief when they put some distance between them and Francis. And that was only one of the three. What would happen if he saw all three, and he _wasn't_ able to instantly flee?

"What happened back there?" Romulus asked.

Lovino didn't think that he could answer. He wasn't even sure that he could sense his voice. He curled up in the car seat, wrapping his arms around himself.

"Lovino, please," Romulus said softly. "Don't shut me out. Let me help you."

Lovino was quiet for a few moments. He didn't know if he could or should answer. He also didn't know if he could trust his father with something like this. But, seeing the older male look at him with earnest…

"I… I just saw one of… one of those…" he started, before his throat closed up.

His father was silent for a few seconds.

"One of the boys that bullied you," he finished.

Lovino nodded his head, trying to calm his breathing. He jumped when his father placed his hand gently on his arm.

"Doctor Williams said that you're suffering from PTSD," Romulus explained. "There's no need for you to feel scared or embarrassed. After the things I've heard, I don't blame you. And I'm going to guess that I haven't heard _everything_ yet, right?"

Lovino flinched, closing his eyes. It was true. There was a lot that had been left unsaid. When it came to the pain he experienced – all that had been done to him – they had only scratched the surface. And he was _terrified_ of finding out what would happen if they managed to reach the core.

Romulus smiled when they finally returned home. Lovino, on the other hand, just sank into his seat.

"Home sweet home, huh?" Romulus said. "You must be happy to be back after all that time in the hospital."

If only his father understood what the house symbolised for Lovino. It was a return to normalcy. A return to the way things had been. A return to the shadows.

Lovino went towards the back of the car to remove his bags (or at least one of them), but his father immediately stopped him.

"We can do that later," he said. "Come on. Feliciano prepared some lunch first. We don't want his efforts to go to waste."

Lovino couldn't quite understand the logic behind the words, but he was in no mood to argue. And now that his father mentioned Feliciano, he found it strange that neither of his brothers accompanied him to the hospital. Feliciano made lunch, but did Marcello make other arrangements with his friends?

His chest ached. He was barely home, and already, things were returning to normal. That was what happened when he had even the smallest amount of hope.

He allowed his father to lead him inside, but when he tried to go up the stairs towards his bedroom, his father nudged him towards the living room. He looked back in confusion, but went along with it. And when he entered the living room…

"SURPRISE!"

He jumped as several voices called out to him. He could see his brothers, Feliks, Gupta, Vlad, and two others that he didn't recognise. He also saw various things that weren't normally in the room, which included the large banner that said 'Welcome home, Lovino'. It took him a moment to realise what this was, and even then, he couldn't allow himself to believe it.

"W-wha… What's this?" he whispered.

"It's a party!" Feliciano said, bouncing up to him. "_Your_ party, Lovino."

The weight of his brother's words dawned on him, and his eyes scanned the room. All of this… this _effort_, was made for _him_. Only _him_. The realisation caused tears to brim in his eyes, and he tried to wipe them away.

"Like, please tell me those are happy tears," Feliks said, leaning closer to Lovino as well.

He couldn't say anything, so he just nodded. These were tears of both joy and sorrow. Joy, because of what they were doing for him. Sorrow, because this was most likely going to be the only time they _would_ do something like this for him.

Feliks carefully wrapped him in a hug, and Lovino clung to him. A sob escaped his throat, and he felt Feliks rub a comforting hand along his back. He knew that times like these would be rare as well. He was going to a new school, and he was leaving Feliks behind.

…

"So, how's school?" Antonio's grandmother asked.

The teen jumped at the question. Everyone in the family was gathered around the table, already enjoying their lunch. He was sitting across from Miguel, who didn't seem as bothered by the question as Antonio. Not unexpected, since Miguel wasn't currently the target of what could essentially be called a witch-hunt at school.

The word 'murder' had worse ramifications than Antonio would have expected. The fact that Feliciano – good, kind, naïve, innocent Feliciano – was turned angry and hostile made the other students give credence to the claim. And when Feliciano wasn't angry or hostile, he was sad. And he blamed Antonio, Francis and Gilbert for this.

Feliciano was very popular, due to how cheerful he was under normal circumstances. Nobody liked the change, and that caused them to lash out at Antonio and the others.

A tiny voice at the back of his mind kept whispering that he now knew what Lovino felt, but in Lovino's case, he didn't deserve it. Antonio made sure to silence that voice whenever it tried to speak up.

"Well, we're getting a new student on Monday," Miguel said.

"Oh, a new student," their grandmother said. "Do you know him? Or, is it a 'her'?"

"It's a 'him'. One of my friends was asked to help him adjust, and the rest of us are going to help him too."

"Is there a reason why he needs help adjusting?" Antonio's mother asked.

Miguel solemnly nodded his head.

"He was bullied pretty badly at his old school," Miguel said. "So much so, that he ended up in the hospital. There was a good chance that he could have died because of those bullies. My friend says that he tends to get scared if someone moves too fast or gets too close to him."

"Oh my goodness!" their grandmother exclaimed. "Well, that's certainly a good thing you're doing."

Antonio froze. The timing… No, it _couldn't_ be. Was Lovino…?

He recalled Feliciano saying that they were looking for a new school for Lovino. What were the odds of it being the same school that Miguel was attending?

"I could never understand people like that," Antonio's mother said, clicking her tongue. "Does the pain of others mean nothing to them?"

"Honestly, it takes someone really twisted to hurt someone like that," his father agreed.

If it _was_ Lovino… then it was only a matter of time before Miguel knew… and what would Antonio's parents say then?

…

After calming down, Lovino was introduced to Heracles and Yao. He didn't know how he felt about Miguel not being able to attend. On the one hand, he was disappointed, but on the other, he was relieved that he could delay the inevitable meeting with the half-Spaniard.

"Hey, fratello," Marcello suddenly said, "do you mind taking a seat?"

He threw a confused look in his brother's direction, but sat down nonetheless. That was when Feliciano came into view with a bundle in his arms.

"You… got a puppy?" Lovino asked.

"Correction," Feliciano said, "we got _you_ a puppy."

Lovino's eyes widened as Feliciano deposited the Husky puppy to his lap. Now he understood why he was asked to sit down: he wouldn't be able to hold the puppy with his broken wrist.

"What are you going to name her?" Feliciano asked.

Lovino thought about it as the puppy proceeded to lick his face. What would be a good name for someone that would never abandon him, and who would love him unconditionally?

"Chiara," he said at last. "Her name is Chiara."

**It wasn't easy, trying to figure out what breed of dog Lovino's puppy should be. I did consider a Labrador, particularly a black one, and a Dalmatian was also a possibility. I dismissed Boxers and German Shepherds because I didn't think he'd appreciate German breeds (of course, I still love my Boxer!). I also wanted to keep it a medium breed. Eventually I looked at pictures of Husky puppies, and that's what convinced me. Huskies can sometimes **_**look**_** like mean dogs (just the facial markings), but looks can be deceiving. With Lovino having suffered from a lot of people judging his exterior, I figured having a Husky would be beneficial. I wanted it to be female for the name, but I also checked female vs. male Huskies, and saw that the females apparently housetrain easier, mature sooner and are less dominant than males, and for someone who has his first puppy, it might be a good thing. Plus, Huskies are one of the breeds I've always wanted, but with the heat here, it might be too cruel.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Thanks to Lp, Then, ****cAnd13ThEheTaLiaN, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love and an anon for reviewing.**

**Sorry for the delay. Things are a bit hectic at work (two editors to edit everything), and I barely get time for the things I want. There's a chance I might take another hiatus to catch up, but we'll see how things go. It's supposed to get more relaxed next week.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 37**

Yao smiled as he watched Lovino playing with his new puppy. He had a few ideas about Lovino before he arrived, but it was the first moments that really stuck out to the Chinese teen.

Lovino had been so shocked about the party that he had actually started crying. While setting up, Yao and the others had learned a fair deal about the situation, including the fact that Lovino hadn't attended a party since his tenth birthday, and that the bullies had actively tried to kill him that time. The youngest brother had reprimanded the other for being too talkative, but the other – Feliciano – had pointed out that it was important for them to know it, if they were going to be friends with Lovino.

And Feliks had made it pretty clear that it wouldn't be acceptable if they decided to ditch Lovino in the middle of everything.

The entire group had some experience with being ostracised. They enjoyed reading, and especially when they were younger, their peers couldn't understand what the appeal was of being bookworms. The natural curiosity that all children possessed was used to explore the world of literature, and the imaginations that children possessed were used to imagine the descriptions they read. It was one thing to see it on screen, but another to see it in your mind. When seeing things in your mind's eye, you decided on the actors, and you determined the quality. Unfortunately, not many children saw it, and the ones that didn't ostracised the ones that did.

Yao himself had been bullied because he was Asian when he was younger, and he was ostracised for his love of books. He had been quite lonely when he was younger, until he met Miguel, who got into books because he found that it was a good way to tune out his annoying cousin. Miguel had sat down next to him while Yao was on the playground, leaning over his shoulder. As it turned out, the book that Yao had been reading at that time was a book that Miguel hadn't read yet, but had been eyeing. Once Yao finished, he lent the book to Miguel, who lent a book to him in return, and that was how their friendship started.

At the age of thirteen, that was when Vlad arrived. He of course had been bullied for his appearance, and used books to escape. During breaks, he would sit behind the stairs, nose buried in a book. Miguel had spotted him by happenchance when he was passing by, and he and Yao worked hard to get the Romanian to open up to them.

People were surprised that three kids that did nothing but read the whole time could be friends, but they've certainly formed a bond. It helped that they could talk about a book whenever all three managed to finish one.

And in high school, they met Gupta and Heracles. The two had already been friends since they were small, and had gained a mutual love of books. Heracles tended to lean towards philosophical works, while Gupta enjoyed mythology. Still, despite having different tastes, they had managed to make friends through a mutual love.

Yao suspected that the reason why Lovino had such a hard time was because he couldn't find someone that shared his passion. For anything, perhaps.

From what Yao had seen, Lovino was shy, and on his guard. He didn't trust them yet, which wasn't surprising, considering his history. But he couldn't see why anyone would hate him so much.

Yao examined Lovino's face. It had a surprising number of green bruises, with a large one surrounding his right eye. And whenever Lovino tilted his head up, Yao could see bruises surrounding his throat. He was wearing long jeans and a long shirt, but Yao knew that his arms contained a lot of scars, and peeking out of the right sleeve was a splint. Lovino had been hurt in more ways than one, and everything about him was evidence of that, from his appearance to the way he would watch someone when they got close to him.

His friends and siblings often told him that he was a mother hen, but this time, he felt that there was someone that truly needed to be taken care of.

And there was one thing that concerned Yao.

They had been hoping to not let Lovino's situation at his old school become public knowledge, but people would want to know about the bruising. The teachers knew, but they weren't the ones to be careful of. They needed to decide what to do and say ahead of time, before Lovino was treated as an outcast again.

So Yao moved towards Lovino, who paused while playing with the puppy in order to regard him.

"I realised that we'll need to think of something to say," Yao said. "Your face… The bruises… People are going to ask questions."

Lovino flinched, hand absentmindedly going to his face.

"…I'm going to accept that you don't want people to know that you were bullied," Yao said. "Are you willing to accept the story that you were mugged?"

Lovino blinked, looking surprised, before he turned thoughtful.

"…If they ask for more details, then it's going to cause problems," Lovino said. "Especially if they want to know _why_ I'm transferring."

Yao winced. That _would_ cause a problem.

"…If you're okay with it, you _could_ tell people that you were bullied," Heracles said. "And that the bullying was bad enough to land you in the hospital. It wouldn't be a lie, technically. We just omit the part where you tried to commit suicide."

"A lot of people are sympathetic," Gupta said. "There are one or two jerks, but they wouldn't try anything if you have a lot of support."

Lovino was silent, absently scratching the puppy behind the ear. Finally, he nodded.

"I guess it wouldn't matter," he said. "But… thanks. For… for thinking about me. And for those messages."

Yao smiled at the reference to the fortune cookies. At least he knew that Lovino appreciated them. Even if he didn't quite believe them yet, he appreciated them.

"H-hey, you don't mind if we check out your book collection?" Vlad asked. "We're kind of curious."

Lovino appeared startled, and Yao smiled. He knew that his Romanian friend was trying to ease the situation, and he appreciated it. Soon, Lovino would see that their circle of friends was the best that he could have asked for.

"S-sure," Lovino said, nudging the puppy off his lap before he stood. "Follow me."

…

Lovino led the other teens up to his room, and while the new group immediately made their way to his bookshelf, Feliks came to stand next to him.

"Like, are you sure you're okay with this?" Feliks asked.

"I've got nothing in here to be embarrassed about," Lovino sighed. "Besides, I think Vlad was trying to distract us. So, I appreciate that."

Feliks's eyes widened, and it looked as though he was surprised. Lovino sighed, going to sit down on his bed. He couldn't stand the whole time, not with his ankle like this. The moment he sat down, he realised that something was different. The mattress beneath him was firm, not anything like the minefield he'd slept on two weeks ago. He reached out his hand, feeling that his suspicions were confirmed: it wasn't the same mattress.

He decided that now wasn't the time to comment on it. He still had people in his room. People he barely knew. People who were thankfully treating his books with the reverence they deserved.

"_No Exit_," Heracles said, holding said book. "Did you enjoy this?"

"Well, I had to say, it _was_ pretty amusing," Lovino said. "And I agree with Sartre's opinion."

"'Hell is other people'. If you like…"

"We are _not_ going to discuss philosophy right now," Vlad snapped.

Heracles shrugged, mouthing 'later' while winking towards Lovino. He couldn't help the small smile at the action.

…

Lovino waved Feliks off. The blond Pole was the last to leave, and now they were left with cleaning up. He sighed, closing the door as he made his way to the living room, where his brothers had already started cleaning up.

"Lovino?" Feliciano asked. "What are you doing?"

"I'm helping," he said. "This is all because of me, so I should…"

"You should lie down," Marcello interrupted. "You're probably tired after all of that, and you're still healing."

"But…"

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he spun around to see his father standing there.

"I agree with them," Romulus said. "You need your rest. It's been a long day for you, and you've still got some healing to do. Don't think I didn't notice you limping."

Lovino didn't know what to be surprised about the most: the fact that he was limping again or that his father had noticed it. His father noticed his surprise, and smiled awkwardly.

"Why don't you spend some more time with Chiara?" Romulus asked. "I placed the basket in your room. You're just going to need to set out some newspapers."

Seeing that he couldn't win, he sighed, before he went to the sleeping puppy. He scooped her in one arm, briefly waking her, before she closed her eyes again. He couldn't help but smile at the cute display, before making his way to his bedroom. He had been hoping to take her outside, but that would have to wait, apparently.

The moment he reached the bottom of the stairs, he stopped, recalling something important.

"By the way, did you buy me a new mattress?" he asked, turning to the living room.

His father poked his head out and smiled.

"Si," he said, walking towards him. "I noticed that your old mattress was no good anymore, and I figured that it must have hurt. I especially didn't want you to have to sleep on a bed like that when you still have bones that need healing."

Lovino averted his gaze.

"And how much did that cost?" he asked.

His father gently pulled him into a hug, and he kept it as gentle as possible, partly because of the puppy, and partly because Lovino was still healing.

"If it could ease your discomfort, then it's worth every cent," Romulus said softly. "And I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise."

Lovino had to fight back his tears. He'd cried enough lately. Instead, he let his father hold him for a while, before Lovino pulled back. He continued on his way to his room, suddenly feeling very tired.

He noticed the basket, and immediately deposited little Chiara into it. His father had at least brought a stack of newspapers, which he laid out on his floor. As soon as he finished that, he heard a sound that was both cute and heart wrenching: the puppy was whimpering.

He turned towards her, and the look she was giving him…

"What is it?" he asked gently. "Do you want to go out, or…?"

Well, the puppy wanted out… Out of the basket, at least. She climbed out, and Lovino couldn't help but think that the clumsy stumbling of this little ball of fluff that still needed to learn to use her legs was cute. And then, where he was on his knees after laying out the newspapers, she plopped down, pressing against his leg.

"Cute," he said, before he scooped her up and placed her back in the basket, only for her to immediately crawl out again and lay down tightly pressed against his leg.

It took him a moment to realise that she craved contact, and he scooped her up, before lying down on the bed with her placed between his feet. She tried to climb up, but he gently pushed her back, and she thankfully seemed to get the message. She lied down in the space provided by his feet, thankfully using his right ankle as a pillow.

Lovino smiled, before he closed his eyes. He knew that he wasn't supposed to sleep during the day, but he was just so tired. A little nap couldn't hurt, right?

Just in case, he set his phone's alarm to go off in half an hour. Not enough time to get a nightmare. With that done, he made himself comfortable and closed his eyes. Soon, he was drifting off.

…

Romulus went to check on Lovino, and the sight made him smile. Lovino was asleep, with the puppy at his feet. It was a warm, sweet scene.

He had to admit, it surprised him that Lovino named his puppy after his mother, but he supposed that it made sense. Matthew had said that Lovino saw a pet as someone to love him when all others hated him. That was probably how he saw his mother.

The moment he truly processed the scene, his blood turned cold. He wasn't supposed to let Lovino sleep during the day. If he got another nightmare…

He carefully made his way to Lovino's bed, and gently shook him awake.

"Lovino," Romulus gently called out. "You shouldn't be sleeping now."

Lovino mumbled something, but didn't seem as though he was about to open his eyes. Before Romulus could try again, something vibrated on the bedside table. He turned to see Lovino's phone, an alarm going off. Lovino reached out and silenced the alarm, before he looked tiredly at his father.

"I _said_ that I set an alarm," Lovino said.

"Oh," Romulus said. "Sorry, I couldn't make out what you said."

Lovino just nodded his head, before he looked down at the puppy.

"I should probably take her out now," he said.

"I have to admit, I'm surprised about the name," Romulus said. "And I'm sure your mother would be flattered."

Lovino didn't immediately answer, instead he simply stared at the puppy.

"It was the only name I could think of for someone who would love me, no matter what," Lovino said. "Someone who would deal with all my crap with absolute patience and make me feel better when I feel sad. Someone that I know would never betray me. Someone that wouldn't call me names, or tell me that I'm useless, or stupid, or…" Lovino took a deep breath, most likely in an effort to calm himself. "Besides, I didn't go visit her. I wanted to, the next day. But _that_ day, I was in so much pain, and then…"

Lovino's words trailed off, but the quick glance towards Romulus told the older Italian all that he needed to know. If not for Romulus pushing Lovino that last bit over the edge, his son would have gotten a chance to say goodbye to his mother. And now that the matter was raised, Romulus could see that it bothered Lovino that he didn't visit his mother before he tried to join her.

"I… haven't visited her either," Romulus admitted, sitting down on the chair at Lovino's chair. "I… I felt guilty, and didn't think I deserved to go see her."

Lovino was silent for a moment.

"Hey?" he said at last. "Do you think we can go visit her tomorrow?"

Romulus smiled softly.

"Si," he said. "I think she would appreciate seeing us all together." He turned towards the puppy. "You're supposed to take her out for walks every day, but until that leg of yours is better, I don't want to take that chance. So, if it's alright with you, I'll take her out now, then I'll ask Feliciano tomorrow, then Marcello, until we feel that you'd be able to take her yourself."

Lovino glanced towards his left ankle, before he sighed and nodded his head. Romulus stood from the chair.

"I'm making chicken parmesan," Romulus said. "Figured you'd be tired of pizza by now."

Lovino gave a small smile, before he allowed Romulus to take the puppy out.

…

Sunday morning saw all four members of the Vargas family standing in front of the tombstone of their fifth family member. Lovino tried not to think of the fact that this was most likely the first time since the funeral that all four of them had come together. It was… sad, actually.

Lovino also felt guilty that he couldn't go to her on the anniversary of her death. He still didn't know how he felt about surviving, but the thing that truly bothered him was that he didn't come to put flowers on her grave on the tenth anniversary.

It was for that reason that Lovino walked forward with the bouquet, which he placed in front of the tombstone. He swallowed thickly. He wasn't going to say anything out loud. Not when his father or brothers could hear him.

But that didn't mean he wasn't going to try to reach her through his heart.

'I… I'm sorry about… trying to kill myself,' Lovino thought. 'And I'm sorry that I didn't come to properly visit you before that. But… You probably saw how bad it was. I'm sorry I was so weak. But everyone's been so stubborn lately. They won't leave me alone. I don't _want_ them to. I… I'm scared. What if they think that everything's alright now, and that things could go back to normal? I don't want that. I don't want to be forgotten again. I wish… I wish you could tell me that everything's going to be alright. And… I hope you don't mind, but I got a puppy, and I named her after you. She's a really sweet dog. She kind of reminds me of you.'

When Lovino was finished, he joined his family. His brothers gently wrapped their arms around his back as they followed their father to the gate.

"Tomorrow is your first day at the new school," Romulus said. "Are you nervous?"

"Terrified," Lovino admitted.

"Don't worry," Feliciano said. "Gupta and the others will take care of you. You don't have anything to be afraid of."

Lovino hoped so.

**So, something I didn't think I needed to explain, but apparently I should: there are two reasons why people would name an animal after a person. The first is a form of mocking the person, like in Pirates of the Caribbean where they named the monkey Jack. The second reason is actually a form of honouring someone, the same way one would name a child after someone (because pets are adoptive children). It can even apply to fictional characters: my mom named our one dog after Gibbs from NCIS (a show she and my dad both love), my friend named her cat after Roy from Arrow, her brother named the dog after Zoro from One Piece… Point is, it has everything to do with the intention.**

**As a further note, there's also a bit of symbolism related to the puppy being named Chiara. Lovino sees his mother's death as the moment when his happiness ended, and when his misery truly began. Though he doesn't realise it yet, the puppy marks his happiness returning, and the end of his misery. Even if the puppy herself isn't the reason for the happiness returning, she still marks the era when Lovino's life started to turn around.**

**I first came into contact with **_**No Exit**_** when I was in high school. I had drama classes with a retired English teacher (most of the time it was just me there, and the classes were more than just acting). I remember reading the part where they agree not to acknowledge or look at each other (since they have no eyelids to close their eyes, and nothing to distract them from each other). Years later in French literature we did the French version, **_**Huis Clos**_**. When I read something I recognised, I **_**really **_**got into the play. My shock when I recognised it was profound, and it took me a long time to realise **_**why**_** I recognised it (you know when you **_**know**_** you've encountered something, but you just **_**can't**_** remember where or how you've encountered it before). I actually enjoyed it.**

**When I was in second grade, my teacher had a puppy that she brought to school. Since I had to wait for my mom anyway, I stayed after school to clean the classroom and play with the puppy. Once, the puppy fell asleep on my lap, and when my mom came to pick me up, I placed the puppy in her basket, which was next to me, but the puppy immediately made her way back to my lap. It happened a second time, and the third time I stood up before she could lie down.**

**It's generally considered a bad idea to sleep with a puppy or kitten in your bed, due to the chances of suffocating the animal being high. It **_**should**_** be relatively safe if you can convince them to rest at your feet, where your mass has a lower chance of squishing them. The bigger the animal, the safer it is. I know that I never allowed my dogs to get higher than my knees until they were big enough. There's also the chance that you're like me, and you're so paranoid of hurting them that you barely sleep, and you briefly wake up every time you want to turn around.**


	38. Chapter 38

**Thanks to KillerStrike, GreenIsBeautiful, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, ann25099, Carina Sicily and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 38**

"Y-you don't have to take me!" Lovino protested. "I can go with the bus. You shouldn't…"

"I'll need to complete some paperwork anyway," Romulus said. "It's not going to be a bother. And you are _not_ going with the bus. Marcello told me a fair deal about what happened on the bus."

Lovino grimaced. Of course, Marcello would say something about what happened the times when he sat down beside him on the bus, and how Lovino had been hassled during those trips. But Lovino didn't like the idea of his father driving him. It was only a matter of time before he complained about the inconvenience that it caused.

"Isn't there perhaps a public bus driving by?" Marcello suggested. "If Lovino could avoid the school bus…"

"That might be a better idea," Romulus said. "It might cost a bit more, but if we can prevent him from being hurt again…"

Lovino winced when he heard that it might cost more, but he was soon distracted by a whine at his feet. Chiara had learned the art of begging, it would seem. And while Lovino knew that it was a bad idea to be feeding her scraps off the table, the sound of the puppy whining wasn't a sound that Lovino felt comfortable with.

So discreetly, he gave her a small piece of bacon, which she gobbled up.

"Well, I know that this is going to be a hard day for everyone," Romulus said, glancing under the table. "Chiara's going to be outside all day."

"Couldn't you take her with you today?" Lovino asked, not comfortable with leaving the puppy by herself.

Romulus solemnly shook his head.

"Sorry, but she's going to have to get used to being taken outside," he said. "But just imagine how happy she's going to be when you come home. Just remember to leave her enough food and water, okay?"

Lovino sighed, but nodded his head. He didn't feel comfortable with leaving the puppy outside by herself, but it needed to be done.

He just wished that he could stay at home with her.

…

Marcello smiled when Camille joined him on the bus. She gave him a small smile in return.

"So, this is Lovino's first day at his new school, non?" she asked.

"Si," Marcello responded. "He's nervous. But at least he knows a few people there. I could only imagine how scared he would be if he didn't know anyone."

Camille nodded her head, before glancing towards the direction where her brother was sitting.

"Once again, I'm really sorry about what my idiot of a brother did to yours," she said.

Marcello sighed, but nodded his head.

"Does he at least feel guilty?" he asked.

"He's in denial," she said. "He's trying to pretend that he did nothing wrong, and that everything is exaggerated. My parents don't know anything about this yet, and I'm not sure if I should tell them or not."

Marcello clenched his fists. Of course, one of the people responsible for making his brother's life hell wouldn't acknowledge that he was in the wrong. He wouldn't accept responsibility for Lovino almost dying.

And he had no idea about the other two. Antonio was an only child, so he didn't have any siblings who Marcello could ask, and Gilbert…

Marcello glanced towards the German's younger brother. Ludwig was in Marcello's class, and generally kept to himself. Marcello found him to be unapproachable, but surely, he must have heard about the accusations against his brother by now. The entire school had been talking about Feliciano accusing those three of almost murdering Lovino. And even though Lovino hadn't been popular, the idea of murder made most people uncomfortable.

So, he supposed that the students at their school weren't _completely _rotten.

But from what he could see, Gilbert didn't look very apologetic. Antonio, at the very least, appeared to be a bit more subdued.

But oh, he wished he was a fly on the wall when they had played dodgeball. Feliciano said that he'd never seen anyone be targeted as much as those three had been. Not even their teammates were eager to spare them. And Mr Adnan had allowed it.

He supposed the teacher felt guilty as well. That was another thing he noticed. A lot of the teachers seemed to feel guilty of the way they treated Lovino.

…

Lovino tensed when they arrived at the school. He could see a number of students streaming into the gates, and he couldn't help but worry that they would hate him, just like the students at his former school.

"Come on," Romulus said. "Don't be shy."

Lovino took a deep breath to calm his nerves, before he followed his father out of the car. He felt uncomfortable as they walked to the office, and he could almost imagine that people were staring at him. Could they tell that he was broken?

The secretary smiled when she saw them.

"Mr Vargas, I presume?" she asked. "They're just busy with a staff meeting, so if you would wait for a while..."

Romulus nodded his head, and he and Lovino made their way to the chairs provided for anyone that needed to wait. Lovino took the time to examine the office, seeing that there was a sort of photo with everyone of the faculty. Each picture had been taken individually, before being added to the same page. And the name of each teacher was underneath their picture.

It was unfortunate that the names of the subjects weren't there as well. Lovino could have spent the time identifying which teachers would be teaching him. So he would need to focus on the faces. The names came easy, but he always had a hard time putting names and faces together.

He blinked when he saw someone that looked like Dr Williams. There were a few differences, with the biggest difference being the surnames. This teacher was named Alfred Jones. So, they couldn't be siblings, but perhaps they were cousins.

He didn't have long to linger on it. The door to what he assumed was the staff room opened, and he focused his attention on the teachers streaming out. He spotted the Dr Williams-lookalike soon enough, and he could immediately tell that they were completely different people. It was just something in the eyes.

At that moment, something else distracted him. Entering the office from the same door in which Lovino and his father had entered before was…

"Feliks?" Lovino questioned.

Feliks smiled brightly when he saw him, and rushed over towards him.

"Like, surprise!" Feliks exclaimed. "So, like, what do you think?"

Lovino knew that he was staring, but he couldn't help it. Even his father looked surprised. Felicja followed after Feliks, smiling warmly at Lovino.

"Hello, Lovino," she said. "Are you excited about the new school?"

"I-I guess," he stammered. "But… What are you doing here?"

"We didn't think that it would be a good idea to let Feliks lose the first real friend he'd had in a long time. We realise that it would be difficult for you to spend time together if you're in different schools in different towns. Plus, we don't feel comfortable with allowing Feliks to remain in a school that completely ignores bullying."

Lovino felt his face heat up. Feliks transferred to the new school… because of him? Not only to spend time with him, but also because of the things that the previous school ignored?

"Ah, I see you're all here," Ms Hassan said, walking with two other teachers. "Since we're all here, and since you have similar circumstances, why don't we all come to my office together?"

Lovino and Romulus both nodded, standing from their seats. They followed the principal into her office, and when the door closed behind them, Romulus insisted that Lovino take one of the seats, even though it would have been more polite for the teen to stand.

"You still have a sprained ankle," Romulus scolded. "You're not spending any more time on it than necessary."

So Lovino had little choice but to take a seat, while Feliks was given the other one.

"Now, we thought it best to enrol you both in the same homeroom," Ms Hassan said. "Mr Kirkland here will be your homeroom teacher. He's also your Literature teacher."

Lovino looked towards the green-eyed male, who politely bowed in greeting.

"I've heard you enjoy reading," Mr Kirkland said. "I also happen to be the faculty adviser for the book club, so I hope to see you there."

"O-oh," Lovino said. "S-sure."

"I also heard that both of you are seeing a therapist," Ms Hassan said. "The same one, if I understand correctly. But we think that you might also benefit from seeing the school counsellor. That would be Mr Bondevik here."

The blue-eyed man nodded his head as a way of greeting.

"Like, I'm alright with Dr Williams," Feliks said. "Vino needs help more than I do."

Lovino flinched a bit. Mr Bondevik cleared his throat.

"Even if you feel confident that you don't need me for therapy, it's still customary for new students to see me for the sake of allowing them to adjust," Mr Bondevik explained. "It will only be a week or two." He turned his attention to Lovino. "However, from the notes I received from your therapist, as well as the conversation I had with him, _you_ would need to see me at least once a week, until we feel that it's no longer needed, however long that might take."

Lovino winced. He had a feeling that it would take a while before everyone decided that he was ready to move on.

"Now, all of the members of the faculty are familiar with both of your pasts," Ms Hassan continued. "So, if you ever feel as though you need help in any way, please speak with any of the teachers. If you need a moment to yourselves during class, you're welcome to ask for it, though that privilege will be taken away if we feel that you're abusing it. Alright?"

The two nodded their heads, but Lovino couldn't help but think about what she had just said. A moment to themselves… If he recalled correctly, Feliks needed that very thing when he found him in the bathroom. If it wasn't for something like that… then Lovino wouldn't have been sitting there at the moment.

Feliks seemed to realise it as well, for he threw an odd look in Lovino's direction.

"Now, we tried to keep your schedules as identical as possible," Ms Hassan continued. "But there's still the matter of Feliks having Chemistry while Lovino has Consumer Studies."

Lovino turned to Feliks in surprise. The other chose to have Chemistry? Willingly?

"You're already familiar with Gupta and his friends," Ms Hassan continued. "There would be at least one of them in each of your classes. They'll help you both settle in."

"They're good kids," Mr Kirkland added. "If they're taking care of you, then you have nothing to worry about."

"That's a relief," Romulus sighed. "The last thing we need is a repeat of his previous school."

"I noticed that their previous school didn't have Life Skills," Ms Hassan continued. "That in itself is enough to warrant concern, since the subject is mandatory."

"So, like, we need to catch up on _that _too?" Feliks asked in despair.

"It's Life Skills," Mr Bondevik said. "Trust me, you'll catch on soon enough."

Feliks actually looked relieved to hear that.

"Now, do you have any afterschool activities in mind?" Ms Hassan asked. "Unfortunately, I'm going to have to ask you to take part in _something_."

"And just so you know, the book club counts," Mr Kirkland said.

"Book club!" Lovino hastily replied. "I'll join the book club."

Mr Kirkland seemed to be pleased and amused by his words.

"Like, I'll join too," Feliks said.

"You enjoy reading as well?" Mr Kirkland asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm… trying," Feliks admitted. "I just don't want to get left behind."

Lovino was startled. _Feliks _was afraid of being left behind?

"You shouldn't force yourself to do something you don't want to do for the sake of others," Mr Kirkland said.

"Well… Like, the Stephen King book I started to read was okay," Feliks said.

"That verbal tic of yours…"

"It's from when he started learning English," Felicja sighed. "It was suggested that he used a few simple words to help his brain adjust to the new language, and that was one he was fond of using, which became stuck."

Mr Kirkland nodded, as though in understanding.

"If you insist…" Mr Kirkland said. "Tell me, do you find it easier to read English or your native language?"

"Like, Polish is a bit easier for me," Feliks said.

"Alright. If you like, we have a few Polish copies of some of our books, particularly the _Witcher_ series. Do you think that you would prefer those?"

Feliks smiled, nodding his head.

"Now, if there are no questions, then I believe you may follow Mr Kirkland to his classroom," Ms Hassan said.

"I just have a question," Romulus said. "Is there a public bus passing by? I don't feel comfortable with allowing Lovino to ride a school bus."

"There _is_ one that passes by near here," Ms Hassan said. "Just check with Ms Alberts, the secretary. She'll be able to give you more details, and if it's what you want, you're able to buy a bus pass from her."

"That would be great," Felicja said. "I used to go to pick Feliks up, but it's going to be a bit more costly now. And if the two of them are on the same bus, then I suppose there shouldn't be a problem."

Feliks actually looked happy about that, and it baffled Lovino. Could Feliks be happy about an opportunity to spend more time together?

…

Eshe waited until everyone was out of her office before she picked up the phone. It was clear that there was _something_ wrong with Lovino's previous school, and it was her responsibility to report her suspicions to the superintendent. At the very least, they needed to issue an enquiry as to what was wrong with the school.

…

Lovino and Feliks followed after Mr Kirkland. Their pace was slow, due to Lovino's injured ankle. Every now and again, the teacher would look over his shoulder to ensure that the Italian was still alright.

They finally arrived at a classroom where all the students were standing or sitting outside. Since the teacher hadn't been there to open the door, they had no choice but to wait for him. Those who were sitting immediately stood when they saw him, and those that had been standing quickly moved to stand in their place.

"I see the corridor is still standing," Mr Kirkland remarked wryly. "Well then, come along."

He unlocked the door, allowing the other students to file in. Most of them shot the two new arrivals curious looks, especially Lovino. The Italian was reminded of the state of his face, and he felt self-conscious, which was strange, because he hadn't felt self-conscious about his appearance in… Did he ever?

Feliks brushed against his arm, probably as an attempt to try to comfort him. Lovino took a deep breath, and he saw something that made some of his tension melt away. Vlad was also walking inside the classroom, smiling and waving at Lovino and Feliks. Just the reminder that there was at least one friendly face helped put Lovino at ease.

Once everyone else was in, Mr Kirkland gestured for the two of them to come inside. Lovino swallowed nervously, before he and Feliks followed inside.

"Alright, settle down," Mr Kirkland said. "As you can see, we have two new students. Lovino Vargas and Feliks… I'm sorry, how do you pronounce your surname?"

"Łukasiewicz," Feliks said, a mixture of amusement and exasperation on his face.

"R-right. Anyway, why don't you…"

He was interrupted by a hand rising in the air, and he indicated that the girl had permission to speak.

"If you don't mind me asking," the girl said, looking at Lovino, "what happened to you? Were you in an accident or something?"

Lovino flinched, lowering his gaze.

"Clara, that wasn't very appropriate to…" Mr Kirkland started his reprimand.

"I-it's alright," Lovino said. "At… At my old school, there… there were these three guys w-who didn't like me v-very much. And they… Um…"

"They sent him to the hospital," Feliks finished. "Broken bones and everything, but they also caused a lot of internal bleeding. My dad was his doctor, and he said that they hurt him enough that he would have died."

Lovino's blood ran cold. This was the first he heard of the subject. They could have…

"You poor thing!" one of the girls exclaimed.

Lovino looked around, seeing expressions of horror and sympathy throughout the room.

"Now, do you understand why we're so disapproving of bullying?" Mr Kirkland asked. "He was incredibly lucky. He could have died, simply because someone didn't like him. And those bullies would have been arrested for manslaughter. I hope you all realise how brave he is just for admitting that. I also ask that you be patient with him. He's been hurt very badly – emotionally too – and it's going to take some time for him to adjust." He turned to Lovino and Feliks. "Why don't you two sit down behind Gupta and Vlad?"

Lovino nodded, and they went to the back. Vlad shot him a thumbs-up, and Gupta smiled in encouragement.

A few minutes later the bell rang, and after verifying that their next class was with Vlad, they followed after the Romanian.

"Miguel's also in the next class," Vlad explained. "You're finally going to meet him."

Lovino nodded, though he wasn't too optimistic. He kept getting flashbacks of Antonio.

The moment they stepped inside the classroom, Lovino froze. Sitting near the middle of the room was someone that looked almost identical to Antonio. And when he saw them and smiled, Lovino felt his body temperature drop.

**Sorry, a huge chunk of this chapter was written during and directly after a migraine, which is also why it's so late when I'm updating.**

**I don't know about other countries, but in South Africa, we have a subject called Life Skills (or Life Orientation, depending on the year). It is probably the most tedious subject ever, and is despised even more than Math. It's a huge blow to your ego if you somehow manage to fail the subject. And it's **_**mandatory**_**. OK, I can see why it's an important subject, but it would be better if the work wasn't the same every year, with the occasional new addition. And it's from grade 1 to grade 12. It consists of three parts, which become their own subjects (usually) in grade 7: Creative Arts (which can be fun, provided it's a topic which interests you), Physical Education (my sister didn't even bother with this one) and Personal Skills Development. The last one is particularly the one everyone hates, covering topics like abuse, substance abuse, puberty (it was **_**not**_** fun editing this topic), bullying, respect, religions (this one in particular needs work; when I worked at a school, the Life Skills teacher complained about the Christian kids having no respect at all, and that she had to start the lesson with a reprimand to not tease anyone for having a different belief, and I also had a teacher who said to the classroom full of Christians that the only atheist among them is 'just going through a phase, and will get better' – that is **_**really**_** irresponsible of a Life Skills teacher, by the way – and atheism isn't even covered in the syllabus) and STDs (AIDS was a popular one, at least to whoever wrote the textbooks – the students **_**loathed**_** the topic). It reached the point where my last few years of high school had the teacher deciding that these classes should be devoted to self-study – a lot of my homework was completed in these classes. There was an occasional homework assignment or test, but otherwise, the teacher's only role in that class was to make sure we didn't get too rowdy.**

**Another subject I didn't particularly enjoy was Science. It didn't help that one of the teachers I had actually hated me – if the rest of the class agrees that a teacher is picking on you, you know it's bad. The final year before I dropped the subject, I actually had a pretty good teacher. He scared me a bit when he was handing out our exam papers and asked me what I did. That moment of fear when I thought that I failed the test, only to find 100%... That was one of the times I could say my jaw dropped. Turns out that out of nearly 200 students, only six managed to get higher than 80%. He would have retired at the end of the year, but a few days before the school year officially ended, he passed away.**

_**The Witcher**_** series is the only thing I can think of when Polish literature comes to mind, and I once saw the author compared to big names like Tolkien and CS Lewis. It's also fresh in my mind, since I had to buy a copy of the first book for my sister yesterday – and she owes me! She actually owes me a new copy of Stephanie Meyer's **_**The Host**_** as well. Years ago, when **_**The Host**_** was still new, she bought me a copy for Christmas, but it was at that point when she wasn't interested in reading herself. I paid her R2 for each chapter she read, and from that point on, she was hooked, so it's actually a special book to her, which she completely annexed from me. Now she feels guilty, and says she owes me a new copy. And on that note, I'm also a bit more patient with **_**Twilight**_**, because if it wasn't for that series, a girl in my class wouldn't have become interested in reading, and I wouldn't have had anyone to discuss books with.**

**When I did French, the lecturer said that we were allowed to curse when doing oral exams. She explained that it just serves as a trigger to help the brain get into the language mode. What Felicja describes is a more child-friendly version of that principle.**


	39. Chapter 39

**Thanks to Lonely Islands, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, MonalisaRomano17 and ****cAnd13ThEheTaLiaN for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 39**

The moment Feliks saw the boy, he could tell that something bad was about to happen. The boy looked remarkably like Antonio, who Feliks knew was one of Lovino's tormentors. He looked at Lovino, who was standing there frozen. His eyes were bulging slightly.

And when Vlad made his way to that boy, the horror dawned on Feliks. He'd been with Lovino, so he knew about the things that Gupta and Vlad had told them about their friends. _This_ was Miguel, the fifth member of their social circle.

This could _not_ end well.

"Guys!" Vlad said, beckoning them closer. "Come on. This is Miguel."

Confirming his suspicions didn't make Feliks feel any better. It only made him feel more nervous for Lovino's sake. He turned his attention to his friend, and he carefully brushed against the other's arm. Lovino was startled out of his stupor, and he turned to Feliks.

"Like, just act natural," Feliks said. "I can see what you can, and I promise, I won't let things go bad for you again."

Lovino took a deep breath, and he allowed Feliks to guide him to the other two. By this time, Miguel and Vlad had lost their smiles, which were replaced by looks of concern.

"Is everything alright?" Miguel asked.

"Like, it's fine," Feliks quickly said. "Um, hey, do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Feliks, right? Sure, go ahead."

"Um… You wouldn't happen to know anyone called Antonio, would you? It's just… You look a lot like this guy from our old school…"

At the mention of the name, Miguel's expression turned sour, and Feliks wondered if he said something wrong. The last thing they needed was for Feliks to ruin the situation and make it even more difficult than it already was.

"So, you're from _that_ school," Miguel sighed. "Sim, I know Antonio. We're cousins. But I assure you, we're nothing alike. I, for one, have functioning braincells."

Lovino's breath hitched a little bit, and Feliks quickly glanced towards him. There was a brief flash of amusement, but the fear still dominated Lovino's body.

"Um, Miguel and I sit together," Vlad said. "But, the table behind the one behind us is free, so feel free to sit there."

Lovino nodded stiffly, and he made his way to the table that the Romanian had indicated. Feliks was about to follow, but Miguel reached out to stop him.

"Um, did I say or do something wrong?" he asked.

Feliks contemplated telling Miguel about the things his cousin had done to Lovino, before realising that it wasn't for him to say anything. So instead, he shook his head.

"Like, Lovino could be a bit hard to get close to," Feliks said. "Like, I think the others might have had an easier time because Lovino was a bit more relaxed when they met him. Just… Give him his time and space, okay?"

Miguel looked a bit worried, but he nodded his head. Feliks went to join Lovino, who breathed deeply and closed his eyes when the Pole went to sit next to him.

"What did you talk about?" Lovino asked.

"He asked me if he did something wrong," Feliks said. "I told him that you're just nervous around new people. I asked him to give you space."

Lovino released another deep breath.

"Grazie," he said.

"Like, do you think you need to step out for a bit?" Feliks asked.

Lovino shook his head.

"No, I don't think it's going to be necessary," he said. "He's not… _too_ close. I can manage."

"Are you sure?" Feliks asked.

"I don't… want everyone to think I'm so weak."

Feliks nodded his head in understanding. He knew the feeling. The fear that people would learn of your weaknesses, and exploit them. As someone that had gone through a hard time himself, Feliks knew well the determination to not allow anyone to have that kind of power over you again.

And if Miguel was anything like his cousin… Then weakness couldn't be allowed.

…

Lovino did pretty well, all things considered. He breathed easy whenever he realised that he didn't have a class with Miguel, but the classes where he _did_ have to be around the Spanish/Portuguese were difficult for him. He tried not to look at him. He tried not to touch him. And when he had to speak to him, he kept it brief and to the point.

The one class he knew he could relax was Consumer Studies. Yao was the only one of the group that had that class as well, so Lovino didn't have to worry about Miguel's presence.

Yao beckoned him closer, and Lovino sat down next to the Chinese boy.

"So, are you managing alright?" Yao asked. "No one giving you trouble?"

Lovino couldn't tell Yao that the only problem was one of his friends, especially since that friend hadn't even done anything to him (yet). So instead, Lovino shrugged.

"A lot of new people," he said. "I'm not really used to something like this."

"You had the same classmates for years, right?" Yao asked.

Lovino nodded his head, and Yao clicked his tongue.

"Ignorant idiots," Yao said. "Seriously, what _was_ their problem with you? How could they just leave you alone?"

Lovino shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't think of anything to say. Because, now that he looked back on it, nothing that he did warranted the level of hatred he received. And it wasn't just the terrible trio that hated him.

"So, where exactly are we now?" Lovino asked, referring to the textbook.

"Page 34," Yao replied.

Lovino opened the book to the mentioned page, and he was pleased to see that he had already read it. So, it would seem that he wasn't terribly behind.

Of course, there was still the matter of needing to catch up the credits. That was something that he did _not_ look forward to.

There was something else that he noticed about this class: he and Yao were the only boys.

Lovino didn't mind the absence of boys. Girls had a tendency to attack with their words. Very few of them resorted to violence, in his experience. This made him feel a little more at ease with the female population.

"Alright, settle down," the teacher said. "I know that there's a new boy here, but there's no reason for you to be so excited."

Lovino was startled, and he looked around. Indeed, most of the girls in the class were staring at him, and when they noticed him looking at them, they giggled and turned away.

"You'll get used to it," Yao said. "At least we don't get bullied for it."

"_How_?" Lovino whispered.

"Because the other guys in our year are aware of the fact that we spend a lot of time with pretty girls who know how to cook. If they need someone to butter up a girl they like, they'll usually ask me to do it for them, and they can't afford to lose the advantage."

Lovino shook his head, before looking up as the teacher handed out papers. He looked at the paper to see that it was a recipe for a chocolate brandy roll cake.

…_That_ was a bit intimidating.

"Alright, so your homework is to rewrite the recipe according to the work order," the teacher instructed, before turning to Yao. "I trust that you'll be able to help your friend with the assignment?"

Yao nodded his head, and the teacher gave them five minutes to get started. Yao moved a bit closer to Lovino.

"You got the book, right?" Yao asked.

For the subject, they were instructed to buy an exercise book with at least 200 pages. Lovino removed it, and Yao immediately grabbed small sticky notes and started dividing the book.

"It's easier to have it all sorted into category," Yao explained. "Meat, pastry, sweets… And Ms Tazi can be pretty strict with things like this. In this case, it's a pastry, so you just need to put it with the pastries. Here, take a look at how I did it."

Yao showed Lovino the index of his book, and Lovino quickly copied it. Yao then instructed Lovino to paste the recipe received on the right page, while the left one was where he would do the homework assignment.

"Okay, so this is how it works," Yao instructed. "Draw a table with two columns. The left side should be smaller, since that's where you write your ingredients and measurements. Then, in the right column, you write the instructions that goes with the corresponding ingredients, and when that's done, draw a line and move on to the next instruction and ingredients."

Yao showed Lovino an example, and he nodded his head, starting to understand what the assignment was. Most of the five minutes had already been spent, so he quickly got to work so that he would at least know where to go on.

"Alright, let's move on to your textbooks," Ms Tazi said.

Lovino put the 'recipe book' in his bag. He would have to work on the homework after his appointment with Dr Williams that afternoon.

…

Gym class was a bit uncomfortable, but not to the point where he felt that he would need to be excused or anything. It was just the fact that he was being forced to sit out. There was no way he would be able to participate with his wrist and ankle.

Another thing that made the class uncomfortable was the fact that all five of his new 'friends' were there as well, along with Feliks, of course. And that meant that he was once again in close proximity to Miguel. It didn't help that they had decided to do their exercises (just a regular circuit of exercises) near Lovino's location.

"So, are you managing your first day?" Gupta asked.

"It's… alright," Lovino said. "Still a bit weird. Everyone's staring."

"Don't let it bother you too much," Heracles advised. "Everyone's curious about your injuries, but some of them are too polite to ask, and others at least have the gist of what happened."

"Not to mention, you're shiny and new," Miguel remarked. "Natural curiosity. Just give it a few weeks, and you'll see that they got used to you."

"And you'll get used to them," Vlad said.

Lovino didn't acknowledge Miguel's words, but he nodded towards Vlad. He looked up when the teacher approached, and the others made a show of doing the exercises.

"You know, you should actually be exercising," Mr Jones scolded, before he turned his attention to Lovino. "You doing okay?"

Lovino nodded his head. There was something that kept bothering him, but…

"Um, like, could I ask you something?" Feliks asked.

Mr Jones beamed.

"Sure!" he said. "Fire away, dude."

"Um… Do you know someone called… Matthew Williams?" Feliks hesitantly asked.

Mr Jones looked as though he understood something, and his smile fell fractionally, but Lovino could still see the concern in his eyes.

"Yeah," he said. "He's my brother. Our parents divorced when we were really young, so that's why we have different last names, in case you're wondering."

Lovino nodded his head. That would make sense. There was definitely a strong family resemblance.

"Oh," Feliks said. "Okay. I'm just…"

Feliks shrank away, and Lovino knew that he was embarrassed about confirming to the teacher that he was also seeing his brother as a therapist. Mr Jones shook his head, smile returning tenfold as he turned to the rest of the group.

"You're going to be taking good care of the two of them, right?" Mr Jones asked.

"Of course," Miguel said. "You can count on us."

Lovino shuddered when Miguel said it. At that moment, he saw Antonio, telling a teacher or another adult something contradictory to what they were doing to Lovino at the time. The most memorable being when they lied to Lovino's father after trying to drown him.

At that moment, Lovino considered going out for some air. He needed to get away from the living reminder of the torture he had gone through. But there was nothing now that could have triggered him, at least in the other people's minds. Lovino would have to wait for the class to be over.

Instead, he opted for closing his eyes, trying the breathing exercises that Dr Williams had shown him the previous week. And so, he didn't notice as the others gave him a concerned look.

…

"Ve, I hope Lovino's eating," Feliciano said.

It was lunchtime, and Feliciano and his friends were joined by Marcello and _his_ friends. Feliciano's social circle had dwindled slightly, due to most of the others having something negative to say about Lovino, or not being comfortable with the angry version of Feliciano.

Kiku, of course, stuck close to Feliciano. The Japanese boy was Feliciano's oldest and closest friend, and was loyal to a fault. Other than Kiku, those that remained with Feliciano were Roderich and Dimitri. The Austrian and Bulgarian were closer with each other, but they still understood that Feliciano needed them. Especially after it turned out that most of the others only seemed to hang out with Feliciano because they liked his cheerfulness, and his popularity.

"Is it going to be bad if he _doesn't_?" Dimitri asked.

"Well, he _did_ pass out that one time," Kiku said. "At the very least, lunch would stop that."

"It's not just that," Feliciano sighed. "He needs to spend time with other people. Gupta and his friends are nice, and looked really ready to help him."

"Well, there's always a chance that they would 'encourage' him to join them for lunch," Roderich pointed out. "I don't think you have anything to worry about."

Feliciano hoped that he was right.

…

Miguel had been pretty on edge the entire day. He had been excited to meet Lovino – someone that needed their help, who also had a love of books – but he was pretty sure that Lovino didn't like him. And Miguel just couldn't figure out what was going on. Interrogating Feliks yielded no results, and none of the others seemed to have an idea about what was going on.

And now, at lunch, Vlad actually had to drag Lovino to come sit with them. Feliks explained that Lovino was used to spending his lunchbreak in the library. Even now, Lovino didn't have any food in front of him.

"Are you _sure_ that you're not going to eat?" Yao asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm used to it," Lovino said. "I actually want to… get to know the library."

"Well, you need to eat _something_," Miguel said, taking his bread roll and placing it in front of Lovino.

Miguel's eyes widened when he saw Lovino flinch back, but it didn't seem as though anyone else noticed it. Lovino shook his head, placing the bread near Miguel again, but the Portuguese could have sworn that while doing so, Lovino had tried very hard not to make any contact.

"No thanks," Lovino said. "I don't want it."

There was something harsh in Lovino's tone, and Miguel just couldn't figure out what could have caused it. He couldn't remember doing anything to insult or upset Lovino, so what was going on?

"I agree with Miguel," Gupta said. "You need to eat _something_."

Lovino shook his head, and Miguel filled his cup of water, before placing it in front of Lovino.

"Drink some water, at least," Miguel said. "You look really pale, amigo."

Lovino's eyes widened, and Miguel noticed his breathing hitch. Lovino's eyes turned distant, and after a few seconds, he shook his head, before he stood up.

"I-I need to go t-to the b-bathroom," Lovino stuttered, before he started to walk away.

If not for his injured ankle, he might have opted to run instead.

Feliks stood, most likely planning to go after Lovino, but Miguel stopped him.

"I can go," he said.

"But…" Feliks started.

"I need to ask him something anyway."

Miguel didn't wait any longer, before he followed after the person that he was trying to make friends with. He saw Lovino entering the bathroom, and he gave the other teen a few seconds, before he entered as well.

Lovino was bowed over the sinks, his breathing harsh. Miguel worried that he might have been hyperventilating. He approached the Italian, reaching a hand to place it on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Lovino snapped, jerking away.

Miguel tried to ignore the hurt as Lovino backed away, glaring slightly at him.

"Did I do something wrong?" Miguel asked. "If I did, I'm sorry. But could you at least tell me _what_ it is I did?"

Lovino shook his head.

"W-what makes y-you think… Y-you did something…?" Lovino gasped.

"You've been avoiding me the whole day," Miguel said. "You won't even look at me. Like now."

It was true. Loivino had his eyes averted, and it looked as though he was desperately searching for a way to _not_ look at Miguel.

"I-I…" Lovino stammered. "It's… It's nothing…"

"No," Miguel said firmly. "I can see that it's not 'nothing'. Something's bothering you, and I can't help but think that it has something to do with me. So, could you at least tell me what's upsetting you? I just want to help you."

Lovino hugged himself. He seemed to be debating how to respond.

"You… look a lot like Antonio," Lovino said.

Miguel frowned in confusion.

"What does my cousin have to do with…?" Miguel started, but then stopped. Lovino and Antonio were in the same school together. And Antonio's been having a tough time _recently_. Around the same time… "Antonio… He's one of the kids that hurt you, isn't he?"

Lovino closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face. That was all the answer Miguel needed.

Miguel closed the distance between them, wrapping Lovino in a hug. He could feel the Italian stiffening in his hold, and Miguel was aware of how small Lovino actually was.

"I am _not_ my cousin," Miguel said earnestly. "I promise, I would _never_ hurt you. And if I break that promise… I give you permission to punch me in the nose."

Lovino sobbed, and he clung to Miguel. The Portuguese couldn't help but wonder what had been going on in Antonio's mind, but whatever it was, _nothing_ could justify the fear that Lovino seemed to have for him. And that was when Miguel realised that throughout the day, Lovino was _afraid_ of him.

It wasn't a nice feeling.

**Miguel and Lovino's scene didn't go exactly how I wanted it to… Specifically, the **_**how**_** they got there. But yeah, regarding Miguel, Lovino's mind had been switched to 'fight' the whole time, and when Miguel said 'amigo', it triggered something in Lovino's mind, and the 'fight' turned to 'flight'.**

**A bit more about CS: we had these books which we used as 'recipe books'. We had a practical about once a week, and that usually involved doing something with the recipes. We needed to make them for practice, and take a picture, which we had to paste with the recipe. On the opposite page, we had some sort of assignment. I can only remember two of them: Work process and calculation of cost. The work process is what was described above: rewrite the recipe, but arrange it in such a way that the instructions are with the relevant ingredients. I got this notebook which I use for recipes I find from the internet, and this is how I write them down. Calculation of cost is pretty much what you'd think. You work out the price for the amount of each ingredient that you would use (for example, if a 250g bag of flour costs R20, but you only used 50g, then the cost of flour would be R4), and then see what the actual total is, and that way, you can work out a profit. And the chocolate brandy roll cake is one of the recipes we had to make. It was one of two recipes where underage teenagers were allowed to work with alcohol (the other was biltong soup – even if you can't find the biltong, I would recommend the soup).**

**You can actually find old exam papers online, as well as the practical tasks, which, if you're curious, could give you a better idea about this subject. The practical tasks are the rubric, and they actually have recipes at the back. Among the recipes of the 2019 PAT I found a recipe for milk tart, which is a popular South African dessert, if you're curious to try it.**


	40. Chapter 40

**Thanks to WickedInk, RobinReneaRose, ****cAnd13ThEheTaLiaN, apurehetalian, Senii and two anons for reviewing.**

**I was wondering when someone would ask about Feliciano and Ludwig's relationship, so let me explain it now: there is no relationship in this story. It's established early on that those from different years don't mix much, and don't really make friends with each other, and Ludwig is in Marcello's year, and Marcello and Ludwig aren't friends, just classmates. This is actually how it worked when I was at school, especially in primary school, where even one year can be seen as a **_**huge**_** gap.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 40**

Miguel and Lovino were sitting against the bathroom wall, with Miguel still holding onto the quivering Lovino. Miguel had noticed that Lovino was having a hard time in the standing position with his ankle, and decided that it would be best if they were sitting down.

Miguel waited patiently as Lovino got everything out of his system. He was sure that the Italian was going through a cocktail of emotions, and had no idea how to handle any of them. But he didn't push Miguel away yet, so perhaps there was still hope for them.

But still, while waiting for Lovino to calm down, Miguel couldn't help but go through the information he knew about what had been done to Lovino. Antonio was one of the people responsible for Lovino's bruises. He was responsible for the broken bones – in fact there might have been several bones that Antonio actually _did_ break. He was responsible for Lovino ending up in the hospital. He was responsible for Lovino almost dying.

After everything, Miguel couldn't blame Lovino for being scared. Miguel had gone through a tough time himself when he was younger – simple teasing, really, and whoever said 'sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you' had obviously never experienced name-calling or teasing himself – but none of it even came close to the torture that Lovino had to endure. The scars were evident, and not just the physical ones. The emotional scars had manifested in a way that Miguel could experience the effects as well, in the form of the shaking teen who was afraid of _him_¸ purely because of the resemblance Miguel had to one of his tormentors.

Just the thought of someone being scared of Miguel actually made him feel sick. There had to be something seriously wrong with Antonio for _liking_ this feeling. And he wasn't going to delude himself into thinking that it might have been a simple case of peer pressure.

There was a particularly loud sniffle, and Miguel turned to Lovino just as the other boy started to pull away.

"Feeling better?" Miguel asked.

Lovino hesitated, before slightly nodding his head. Miguel smiled softly as he allowed Lovino to become more comfortable.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry about what my idiot of a cousin did to you," Miguel said.

"Why…?" Lovino asked. "Why do you believe me?"

"Why wouldn't I? You have no reason to lie about it."

"Si, but… he's your family. I thought people had this sort of… um…"

"Reluctance to believe that anyone related to you could be a bad person?" Miguel suggested. "The whole 'blood is thicker than water' thing?"

Lovino jerkily nodded his head.

"It's _because_ I'm related to Antonio that I know you're not lying," Miguel said. "When we were younger, he was particularly susceptible to temper tantrums. And he would usually hurt me. The problem is, I would fight back, and we'd both get in trouble. So, I've personally seen how he's not as nice as a lot of people think he is. And those friends of his aren't particularly pleasant either."

Lovino was silent as he absorbed all of that.

"So… he hurt you too?" Lovino asked.

Miguel nodded.

"I wouldn't exactly call it 'bullying'," Miguel said. "But he's definitely the one that started our fights. He only stopped when I started blackmailing him. Because he also had the nasty habit of doing stupid things. He _really_ cares about what other people think of him."

Lovino nodded his head in agreement.

"And he doesn't care if only _one_ person _knows_ that he's not the nice guy everyone thinks he is," Lovino said. "Because no one would believe that one person."

Miguel nodded.

"I don't want you to be scared of me," he said. "But I can understand it. If you feel uncomfortable or anything, please, _tell me_. Don't push me away. Like I said, I'm _not_ my cousin. You have brothers, right? Were you ever compared to them?"

Lovino paused, before he nodded his head.

"I get it," he said. "It's… not a nice feeling. But… I just… I _see_… And it's not just you. Vlad makes me a bit nervous too. Because of his eyes."

"Because of Gilbert, right?" Miguel asked.

Lovino nodded.

"It's easier if I don't look him in the eyes," Lovino admitted. "But… you…"

"I get it," Miguel sighed. "I still want to be your friend, though. So, is there something that I can do that would make you feel more comfortable?"

"I don't know," Lovino admitted. "I'm not… used to this kind of thing."

"Don't worry about it. Um… If you don't mind, I'd like to hear about all the things my cousin did to you. _Everything_. And in return, I'll tell you embarrassing stories. That should help, right?"

Lovino was silent for a long moment.

"I don't… really want to talk about it," he said.

"Talking about it would help," Miguel said. "Why don't you think about it, alright? In the meantime, we should probably get back to the others. Lunch is almost over."

Miguel stood up, before he helped Lovino up. He didn't take offence when the Italian refused to look in his direction. Looking into the mirror, Miguel tried to see just how much he resembled Antonio. Because these were all the things that Lovino saw, which brought about horrible memories.

Miguel had read enough books to understand what was going through Lovino's mind. And he knew that he needed to find something that would make the Italian more comfortable around him. Something that would doubtlessly be able to separate Miguel and Antonio from the Italian's mind.

…

"I didn't get the chance to ask you," Feliks said. "What happened between you and Miguel?"

It was after school, and the two had gotten on the public bus that drove past the school. They had made sure to buy the passes from the secretary in the morning, and they wouldn't have to make another payment until the end of the month.

There were a few other students on the bus that went to their town as well, but none of them were classmates of the duo, and none of them knew Lovino from kindergarten or something. They did throw curious looks in Lovino's direction, but it was mostly a response to the bruises he had on his face.

"He found out about Antonio," Lovino said.

"And?" Feliks asked. "Like, how did he take it?"

"He… gave me a hug and told me that he wasn't his cousin. Afterwards… Um… Kind of like… when _you_ found me in the bathroom."

Lovino felt a bit embarrassed when he realised that it was the second encounter of that kind that he'd had in a bathroom. Well, at least it was in a place where no one else had gone.

…Actually, why _didn't_ anyone go there? They'd been there for a while.

"Oh," Feliks said. "So, like, it wasn't too bad then?"

"He says that he still wants to be my friend," Lovino sighed. "But he also asked me to tell him about all the things Antonio's done to me."

Feliks winced when he heard that, and he looked away.

"Like, that's probably not something that you'd want to talk about," Feliks said.

"…It made me realise something," Lovino admitted. "I don't really know about any of the things that the jerks at _your_ old school did to you."

"You mean, asides from name-calling and the occasional beating? Like, nothing much. At least, no one's tried to kill me. There _was_ that one incident when hot soup was poured over my head during lunch. Like, took me _forever_ to get my hair clean. That's… Probably one of the worst things they've done to me."

"Still… They shouldn't have done it. I mean… These things add up."

"Like, _you_ managed to hold on longer than I did, with more things done to you."

"It's only because… I… convinced myself that… I deserved it."

Feliks's eyes were saucers, and Lovino had to avert his gaze.

"…Like, _why_ did you think that?" Feliks asked.

"…My mom," Lovino admitted. "She… She died while I survived. And I know that… Everyone wanted it to be the other way around."

"Lovino…" Feliks said gently. "Like, no one wants to see you dead. Okay? And anyone that does is just jealous of you."

Lovino was startled. Never before in his life had anyone suggested that someone was _jealous_ of him, nor did he think that there was a reason to be jealous of him. He wanted to ask, but his voice decided to take a siesta. Instead, he stared out the window, wondering how the session with Dr Williams would go later.

…

"Are you leaving now?" Toris asked.

Romulus nodded, packing up everything. Amin was due to arrive soon, even though it was later than usual.

He had to admit, he was actually glad that they'd hired Toris. The man was a hard worker, and he'd passed the test that Romulus had set for him. Romulus had purposely left money where Toris could see it, and instead of pocketing it, Toris had rushed after him in order to return it. Well, at least he knew that he was honest.

And he would make sure that Toris would never hear that he had been tested.

"Lovino's bus would be getting home soon," Romulus explained. "And then I need to take him to the therapist."

Toris's expression softened. That was something that Romulus noticed: the Lithuanian seemed to have a soft spot for Lovino, and whenever the subject came up…

"Is he doing better?" Toris asked.

"It was his first day at the new school," Romulus said. "So, _hopefully_, the worst thing he experienced was a case of the nerves. At least he has moral support."

Toris nodded his head as he absorbed the information.

"Could you send him my regards?" Toris asked.

Romulus nodded his head. Someday, he would ask either Toris or Lovino how they knew each other, but there wasn't time for that.

Romulus turned his attention to the main entrance, where Amin had just entered. Taking that as his cue, he grabbed his things and left, hoping that he didn't find a scared and trembling son at home.

…

"Aw, poor puppy," Feliciano cooed.

That was what Lovino returned to. Feliciano and Marcello had arrived a bit earlier than him, and so they let Chiara into the house. Apparently, she was so excited that she had completely dehydrated herself, and Lovino's brothers had given her water.

"Oh, Vino!" Marcello exclaimed as soon as he noticed Lovino. "You're back! How did it go?"

Lovino shrugged, sitting down on the ground. Chiara had noticed him too, and came to greet him with her tail wagging frantically. Lovino scratched her behind the ears as she tried to lick him.

"Aw, she realises that you're her papa," Feliciano said.

"No, I don't think that's the case," Lovino dismissed. "I think she's just happy to know that she won't have to go outside soon."

"Still, how did it go?" Marcello asked. "How were the teachers?"

"And did you eat lunch?" Feliciano asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Not really," Lovino admitted. "I… Kind of had a panic attack during lunch."

"Really?" Marcello asked, as Feliciano started searching the cabinets. "Do you have any idea what could have triggered it?"

Lovino sighed, but nodded. He knew _exactly_ what had caused it. It should have been something stupid, but… when Miguel called him 'amigo', he just… He had flashbacks of several encounters with Antonio.

Thankfully, he was saved from the details when his father returned, entering the kitchen and ruffling Lovino's hair. Lovino froze when he felt his father do that, trying to recall any time when Romulus had done that to him.

"Sorry I'm a bit late," Romulus sighed. "Amin had an emergency with his son, so he came a bit late, and I didn't want to leave Toris alone for so long."

"How's he doing?" Lovino asked. "Is he managing okay?"

"He's settled in nicely. He actually sends you his regards. Anyway, are you ready to go?"

Lovino nodded, standing up. Before he could go, however, Feliciano handed him a basic sandwich.

"Eat something," Feliciano instructed.

Lovino rolled his eyes, but took the sandwich nonetheless. He followed his father out, trying to keep the excited puppy from following as well.

"Did everything go alright?" Romulus asked.

"Except for _one_ thing, si," Lovino said.

"Why? What happened?"

"…You remember that friend of Gupta's that couldn't be there for the party?"

"Si."

"Well… turns out, he's the cousin of one of those jerks."

Romulus froze while climbing into the car. Lovino kept his gaze lowered to the ground as he climbed into the car. His father followed soon after, and after reversing out of the driveway, he turned his attention to Lovino again.

"Does he know about that?" Romulus asked.

"He managed to figure it out when I told him that he looked a lot like Antonio during a panic attack," Lovino said. "He… hugged me as I got over the attack."

Romulus sighed in relief.

"That might be a bit risky," Romulus said. "In case family loyalty…"

"He made it clear to me that if _anyone_ would believe me about his cousin, it's _him_," Lovino said. "He said that he was on the receiving end of a few of Antonio's temper tantrums as a kid, the difference is just that he could fight back. But when I tried…"

Lovino trailed off, recalling how all of his efforts to defend himself had only resulted in him getting hurt _worse_. In the end, he decided that it was either run away or endure it.

"…You should still keep an eye on him," Romulus said. "In case he ends up being anything like his cousin."

Lovino nodded.

"Well, he _did_ make a good point," he said. "Just like I don't like being compared to Feli or Cello, _he_ doesn't like being compared to Antonio."

"Alright," Romulus sighed. "Still, be careful, alright?"

Lovino nodded yet again.

He didn't know what he expected from Dr Williams's office, but the reception area looked welcoming, at least. There were books there for all ages, and Lovino browsed through the books out of simple curiosity.

"Vargas?" the receptionist asked after a while.

"Go ahead," Romulus urged him on. "I'll be right here when you get back."

Lovino steeled himself, before he made his way to the therapist's office. Matthew smiled when he saw him, and Lovino closed the door behind him.

"It's nice to see you," Matthew said. "How did the first day of school go?"

"It went… alright," Lovino said. "We decided to give them a brief description of what happened, and… Well, it _looks_ as though everyone is sympathetic."

Matthew nodded.

"You know that's pretty brave, right?" Matthew asked.

"Oh, and I met your brother," Lovino said.

Matthew chuckled.

"I didn't want to spoil the surprise," he said. "So, what's your impression of Alfred?"

Lovino shrugged.

"Well, I didn't see him _yelling_ at anyone, so he's already better than Mr Adnan," Lovino said. "Too soon to tell, really."

Matthew nodded, before he frowned.

"There's more that you're not telling me, isn't there?" Matthew asked. "Something happened."

Lovino shifted in his chair, before he nodded.

"…You know that group that's trying to help me settle?" Lovino asked.

"Yes," Matthew said. "Did something happen with them?"

"Um, kind of… Turns out that the one I only met today… he's the cousin of one of the bullies. And there's a _strong_ family resemblance."

Matthew's eyes widened, and Lovino looked away.

"…That sounds awkward," Matthew said. "And, are you okay?"

Lovino shrugged.

"I'm managing," he said. "I kind of had a panic attack, though, and Miguel… he helped me through it."

"Is Miguel the boy you're referring to?" Matthew asked.

Lovino nodded his head.

"Does he know about the connection you have with his cousin?" Matthew asked.

"S-si," Lovino replied.

"…That's good. Knowing how your fear response works, you might come across as hostile and rude. If he at least knows what the cause of the response is, then he wouldn't take as much offence. But it could still be painful for him, knowing that he's triggering a fear response."

Lovino nodded. He'd gotten the impression that Miguel felt bad about scaring Lovino, which in turn made Lovino feel bad for making Miguel feel bad.

"He… he suggested that I tell him about the things that Antonio's done to me," Lovino said.

"…What tone did he use?" Matthew asked.

"What do you mean?"

"How did he ask the question. Was he angry? Concerned?"

Lovino had to take a moment to think back on the encounter.

"I think it would be closer to concerned," he conceded. "He mentioned that he'd been on the receiving end of Antonio's temper tantrums as kids."

Matthew nodded his head.

"The thing with people like that, they're not exactly restrictive," Matthew said. "They enjoy the feeling of power, and they will exert that feeling of power over as many people as they can get away with. Some of them pretend to be perfect angels in order to mislead those that could have power over _them_. By misleading them, they're able to get away with a lot more than they normally would have. Of course, if he's been on the receiving end, then he's more inclined to believe you. Did he say anything else about it?"

"Just that he would fight back," Lovino said. "I guess it stopped."

"Again, it goes down to the feeling of power. If someone fights back, then they're less likely to continue the attack. Especially if they're alone. In _your_ case, Antonio had support from his friends, while you didn't. The three of them became addicted to the feeling of power, and they would do anything to maintain that power. You said that they attacked you because they got detention, right?"

Lovino nodded.

"Again, they felt powerless, and they tried to maintain their sense of power," Matthew said. "I want you to ask your brothers about how those three are faring at school."

"Why?" Lovino asked.

"Well, if they're still trying to reclaim the sense of power they felt, they might resort to one of two things. First, they might try to seek you out for their satisfaction. Second, they might choose a new victim."

**Writing the scenes with Miguel and Lovino makes me want to work on a Portmano story. Too bad I don't have a plot for one yet.**

**One rule I always live by is to **_**always**_** have a book with you, especially if you're going to wait at the doctor, dentist, bank, etc. I once had to wait 2 1/2 hours for the doctor, and I arrived **_**early**_** to my appointment. Also, during elections, I stood in line reading **_**Picture of Dorian Grey. **_**If not a book, then I have my tablet, which has e-books.**


	41. Chapter 41

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, ****cAnd13ThEheTaLiaN and two anons for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 41**

Miguel was trying hard to focus on his homework, but he still couldn't get the matter with Lovino out of his head. The moment he realised that Lovino was looking at him in fear… and finding out that the fear was because his cousin was one of the people who tortured him…

And looking back on it, Miguel realised that it was more than possible for those three to torture someone. Miguel knew how they liked to portray themselves to other people, but if it was just Miguel, then they were arrogant, immature, entitled, and had a sick sense of humour. These were all reasons why Miguel didn't like being around them. And these were all reasons why Miguel had no problem believing Lovino when he revealed that Antonio was one of the people that tortured him.

And 'torture' was the right word for it. More than a week had passed, and if Miguel looked at Lovino's physical state, he could only imagine what it had been like when the injuries were still fresh. Lovino had attempted suicide, and it required a _lot _of mental anguish to decide on something like that. And even without that, Lovino still needed to go to the hospital, because the damage sustained to his body would have been enough to kill him. He also heard from Vlad that Lovino had almost been outright _murdered_ on his tenth birthday party.

He couldn't understand how _anyone_ could have been so cruel, and the fact that his own family was like that made him feel even worse. Because not only was it someone who shared Miguel's blood, Lovino admitted that Miguel looked a lot like Antonio, which meant that Lovino could only see Antonio when looking at him.

Miguel buried his head in his hands, and as he felt his hair, he realised something. He quickly went to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. He always wore his hair in a ponytail because he didn't like having his hair in his face, but he also realised that Antonio's hair was shorter than his. Out of curiosity, he released his hair from the ponytail, fluffing it out. He blinked at his reflection, realising how much different he looked like this. Perhaps… Perhaps this was how he could make Lovino feel more comfortable around him.

Feeling relieved, he now decided to focus on another problem that's been bothering him. He wanted to know what Antonio was thinking. What could have inspired him to act the way he did towards Lovino? But _how_ was Miguel supposed to gain that knowledge? It wasn't exactly something that one could ask over the phone, which meant that Miguel had to ask him in person. Which meant that he most likely had to think of an excuse for popping up at Antonio's house. There was no way it could work if he asked his cousin to meet him somewhere. Antonio knew that Miguel would never want to meet up with him somewhere willingly. At least, at Antonio's house, Miguel knew that his cousin wouldn't be able to escape.

The following day wouldn't work for him. They had book club, and Miguel was anxious to see whether Lovino would come or not, all things considered. Wednesday, perhaps. Yes, there was nothing for him to do on Wednesdays.

With his mind resolved, he returned to his room to continue with his homework, trying to get used to the feeling of his hair in his face.

…

The moment they returned home, Lovino tried to go to his room. However, Feliciano's eager arrival at the door made him pause at the foot of the stairs.

"How did it go?" Feliciano asked.

"It went alright," Lovino said. "Um, Feli, do you mind if we talked a bit? There's something I need to ask you about."

For some reason that Lovino couldn't understand, Feliciano looked _happy_ when Lovino said that he wanted to ask him something. Lovino led the way to his bedroom, Feliciano following a few steps behind. Lovino went to sit down on his bed, and Feliciano closed the door behind them.

"There wasn't actually a need for that," Lovino said. "It's not a private conversation."

"Oh," Feliciano said, frowning in confusion. "Then why'd we come up to your room?"

"Because my foot is killing me and I want to lie down and read. I think it's swollen again."

"You're not going to take a nap, right?"

"Everyone's made it pretty clear that I am _not_ allowed to do that," Lovino sighed. "Anyway, what I wanted to ask you: How's it going with Antonio and the other two?"

Feliciano scowled, and Lovino was taken aback. He couldn't recall ever seeing that expression on Feliciano's face.

"You shouldn't worry about _them_," Feliciano spat. "They hurt you. Why are you worried about them?"

"It's not _them_ I'm worried about," Lovino clarified. "Dr Matthew… He said that… people like _them_… There's a chance that they're going to find a new victim. I'm worried that… it could be you or Cello, or… even someone else. And even if some of the others at that school are jerks, no one deserves to go through what I went through."

Feliciano's expression softened, and he scratched his head.

"Well, they're not very popular at the moment," he explained. "Everyone knows that they almost killed you, and not just because you tried to… um… you know. Everyone's staying far away from them now."

Lovino sighed, nodding his head to show that he understood what his brother was telling him.

"Just stay away from them, okay?" Lovino said.

"Of course," Feliciano said. "But, there's more, isn't there?"

Lovino nodded.

"You remember Gupta and Vlad talking about their friend, Miguel?" Lovino asked.

"Si," Feliciano said. "They said he's nice. Is he?"

"So far. He's also Antonio's _cousin_."

Feliciano's face fell.

"Are you serious?" he demanded. "Are you okay?"

"I had a bit of a panic attack during lunch," Lovino said. "But he kind of made a good point. He doesn't like to be compared to Antonio, kind of like how I don't like being compared to you or Cello."

Feliciano flinched, and his eyes darted around nervously.

"I'm… sorry about that," Feliciano said. "If I knew that they were doing that… and that it was usually, um, _bad_, I would have…"

"It's not your fault," Lovino sighed. "It just… _hurts_, that people expect me to be exactly like you. They… They completely ignore _me_."

Feliciano bit his lip.

"That's why we thought that it would be better if you went to the new school alone," Feliciano said.

"…Grazie," Lovino whispered, before he kicked off his left shoe and started unwinding the bandage. "Hey, do you think you could go get me an icepack? This thing feels really swollen."

"Sure," Feliciano chirped, before he made his way out.

Lovino continued with the bandage as he waited for Feliciano to return, and he had just finished when the door opened. Except, it wasn't Feliciano.

"Hey Vino," Marcello greeted. "I just took Chiara for a walk."

Marcello had the puppy in his arms, who looked exhausted. He started to make his way to the basket, but Lovino stopped him.

"You can put her on the bed," Lovino said. "I think she'd like it more, anyway."

Marcello nodded, before he went to put the puppy on the bed. Lovino smiled as she nuzzled against the sheets beneath her, before letting out a huge yawn. Honestly, she was just so cute!

Feliciano returned shortly after, and he paused for a moment to admire the puppy, before he handed the icepack wrapped in dishcloth to Lovino. He also helped get a few pillows for Lovino to rest the injured ankle on, and soon enough, Lovino was lying on his back with a book in his hands and foot in the air.

"There," Feliciano said. "Do you need anything else?"

Lovino shook his head, and he was preparing to settle down and read, but he noticed that Feliciano still hovered there, looking as though there was something that he desperately wanted to say.

"Si?" Lovino prompted.

"If… If you have homework," Feliciano said, "would you want to join me downstairs, and we can work on it together?"

Lovino frowned. Where did _this_ come from? But he recalled that his bag was still downstairs, and so he sighed and nodded.

"Yay!" Feliciano cheered. "Then I'll see you later."

Lovino watched as Feliciano darted away, but he was soon distracted by Chiara, who decided to nuzzle against his right foot. He smiled at the cute display, before he started to read.

…

That night at dinner, Lovino was surprised when his father asked him to tell them about his day in greater detail. They all knew about Miguel by now, and they were justifiably concerned, but they relaxed a bit when they heard that Miguel comforted him during his panic attack.

"I also need to practise the recipe for CS," Lovino said. "Do you mind if I do that tomorrow?"

"Of course not," his father said, smiling. "What's the recipe?"

"A… chocolate brandy roll cake."

His father choked a bit when he heard that.

"Are they even allowed to let minors work with alcohol?" Romulus asked.

"Apparently," Lovino said. "Could you perhaps just get the ingredients tomorrow?"

"Sure, just give me a shopping list. So, tomorrow's book club, right?"

Lovino nodded.

"Ve, that sounds nice," Feliciano said. "You get to talk to people that have the same interests."

"How does it even work, anyway?" Marcello asked.

"Traditionally, a book club has enough copies of a certain novel for all their members," Romulus explained. "They have some time to read the novel – though, depending on the length of the novel, they might have specific goalposts. And then they discuss the novel – characters, setting, plot…"

"You know a fair bit of this," Lovino observed.

"I was part of a book club in college," Romulus said. "Only for one year, though."

"But it sounds nice," Feliciano said. "Oh, when's that play, anyway? The one Feliks talked about?"

Lovino froze. He had no idea, actually.

"I'll have to ask him," he said.

"He's trying hard for you sake, you know?" Romulus said. "Don't leave him behind, alright?"

Lovino nodded his head. He had a feeling that Feliks wouldn't allow Lovino to leave him behind. Besides, so far, Feliks was the first friend that genuinely cared about him, without ulterior motives. Lovino wasn't about to throw that away. If only he knew how to be a friend in return.

…

The first class Lovino had with Miguel, he braced himself for the sight of the Portuguese. Antonio with a ponytail. He didn't think he'd ever get used to that sight.

Only… the moment he saw Miguel, he had to do a double take. He looked so different with his hair down. Miguel smiled, beckoning him closer. Feliks followed after Lovino, and he could sense the confusion from the Pole.

"How are you feeling today?" Miguel asked.

"Okay," Lovino said. "You look… different."

Miguel beamed.

"I don't usually do this, but I thought it might make things easier for you," Miguel said.

Lovino was startled when Miguel explained that his change in hairstyle was for Lovino's sake. And considering how the other boy kept blowing or tucking the hair out of his face, Lovino realised that he was right when he said that he didn't usually do this.

It made him feel just a little bit guilty.

…

"So, do you mind explaining why the sudden change in appearance?" Vlad asked, staring at Miguel.

Miguel sighed, glancing towards Lovino, silently asking permission. Lovino shrugged, and Miguel turned his attention to Vlad again.

"Well, let's just say I've been cursed with a close family resemblance to my cousin," Miguel explained.

"That still doesn't explain the hair," Yao said.

"His cousin was one of my bullies," Lovino sighed.

"W-what?" Vlad asked, horrified. "Is… Is that why… yesterday…?"

Both Miguel and Lovino nodded their heads.

"And?" Gupta asked. "Are you… okay around each other?"

"The… change in hairstyle actually helps," Lovino said.

Miguel beamed.

"Then it looks like I'm going to wear my hair like this from now on," he said.

"Isn't it hot, though?" Yao asked.

"Honestly, that's not the worst part."

As though emphasising his point, he tried to knock the hair back out of his face, only to frown in annoyance when it fell back again.

"You could always to what Mr Bondevik does, if it bothers you," Vlad said.

"I don't see _you_ wearing a hairpin," Miguel said.

"My hair's shorter than yours."

Miguel was about to continue the argument, but a familiar face made him pause. A moment later, Yao yelped as his ponytail was tugged on.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, before he turned to glare at his brother. "Leon, what's the meaning of this?"

"Mei and I are going out with friends later," Leon said. "We'll probably get dinner with them, so don't worry about us."

"And what about your homework?"

"That's actually why we're going. Group project. Five people. Ask Mr Kirkland if you don't believe me."

Miguel rested his chin on his hand, a small smile of amusement on his face.

"Let me guess, you have to do a play?" Miguel asked.

Leon glanced towards him and nodded, before his eyes flitted to Lovino and Feliks.

"Lovino, Feliks, meet Yao's younger brother, Leon," Vlad said. "Despite that poker face of his, he's pretty fond of pranks. But, he has his moments of being nice."

"Those fortune cookies…" Lovino muttered. "Did you…?"

Leon looked a bit uncomfortable, but nodded his head.

"Anything else?" Yao asked.

"Not really," Leon said, before he turned his full attention to Lovino and Feliks. "Nice to meet you."

And the younger boy turned and left. Miguel's gaze followed him until he sat down at the table where his sister was waiting for him. Mei immediately started engaging in conversation, most likely demanding that Leon tell her everything about the new students.

"Anyway, did you guys hear that there's a production of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_?" Gupta asked, looking around at the rest of the group.

"Like, totally!" Feliks said. "Vino and I already have tickets!"

"Really?" Miguel asked. "For when?"

"Like, next Saturday."

"That sounds like fun," Heracles said. "If there are still tickets, why don't we all go?"

Feliks's face fell a bit, and Miguel looked between the two new students. Making a decision, Miguel stood up.

"Feliks, could I talk to you in private for a bit?" Miguel asked.

Feliks appeared startled, but he nodded and followed after Miguel. The Portuguese led the other to a stairwell, and he turned to face the blond.

"How long have you known Lovino?" Miguel asked.

"Um, like, a few weeks," Feliks said. "But…"

"You still want to be his friend, and you're scared of being left alone."

Feliks looked startled, but he nodded his head. He nervously rubbed his arm, and Miguel noticed something from the sleeve rolling slightly upward.

"Feliks, did you have trouble with someone?" Miguel asked.

Feliks flinched, pulling his sleeve down. He bit his lip, and Miguel sighed.

"Feliks, I just want to help," Miguel said. "Please."

Feliks appeared hesitant, looking anywhere than at Miguel.

"Y-yeah…" Feliks said. "Like, at my old school… L-let's just say, I figured out what happened to Lovino, because…"

"Because it happened to you too," Miguel said.

"I-it w-wasn't as b-bad as L-Lovino," Feliks said. "But…"

Feliks yelped as Miguel wrapped him in a hug. It looked like Feliks hadn't had his own hug in a long time.

"We've all been through it," Miguel whispered. "That's what pulled us together. You have more in common with us than you think. So, you really don't have to worry about us taking Lovino away from you."

Feliks gasped, and he pulled away slightly to regard Miguel.

"Like, how did you…?" he asked.

Miguel chuckled.

"My friends have a tendency to bottle up their emotions," Miguel said. "It's my job to see through their efforts. And I can see through you too, even if we don't know each other well yet."

Feliks averted his gaze, before he looked around.

"Like, you should probably let go," Feliks said. "Before someone sees and…"

"Don't worry," Miguel said. "Everyone knows I'm a hugger. And they would probably be able to see that you need this."

Miguel smiled when he felt Feliks hug back. And he couldn't help but wonder if Antonio did anything to Feliks as well.

…

"Here you go," Mr Kirkland said, handing the book to Feliks.

He smiled when he saw the familiar words. It's been a long time since he read something in Polish, but he still found it easier than English. Feliks skipped over towards Lovino, sitting next to the Italian, who was examining his own book.

"Now, I thought we could do things a little differently this time," Arthur said, sitting down at his place in the circle. "Since we have two new members, I decided that everyone should at least try a different book, and then next week, tell the others about it."

"No problem," Heracles said. "I think it might be fun. Everyone focuses on something they like."

"Ooh, can we try something else next time?" Vlad asked. "Like, putting a bunch of random books in a box, and then you draw the book you're supposed to read."

"And you could also return the book if it's something you've read before," Gupta said. "Make it a bit more interesting."

"That sounds like an idea," Arthur said. "What do you two say?"

The question was directed at Lovino and Feliks, and Feliks shrugged. It might just convince him to actually read a book, since he wanted to keep up with the others. And he didn't want them to think that he didn't belong there.

"Hey, Mr Kirkland," Gupta said, "we're planning on going to see _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ next week. Want to come?"

Arthur chuckled, before he shook his head.

"Sorry, I have other arrangements next week," he said. "But, I think I'll look out for anything else, alright?"

**My CS teacher had to get special permission in order to have alcohol on the schoolgrounds, and extra to allow minors to work with it. Since it's added before baking, the heat evaporates the alcohol, and you're left with the brandy taste.**


	42. Chapter 42

**Thanks to WickedInk, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 42**

When Lovino arrived home, he immediately started to play with Chiara, who was more than happy to have him home again. He noticed that she wasn't nearly as attached to Feliciano and Marcello, and instead chose to be with him most of the time. Not that she didn't go to his brothers or his father for attention.

He noticed that she really enjoyed playing tug-of-war. After his session with Matthew the previous day, they stopped by the pet store to get a few supplies, among them being toys. And he decided that he really liked playing with the puppy, even if all he could do at this point was hold the rope while sitting.

He was _so_ glad that she wasn't big yet.

He looked up when his father entered the living room, a grocery bag in his hand.

"I think this is everything," his father said.

"Grazie," Lovino said, abandoning his game and going to grab the bag. "Do you mind if I make it _now_?"

"Sure," Romulus said. "Go ahead. Just make sure to clean the kitchen when you're finished."

Lovino nodded, trying to keep his smile from spreading on his face. He wondered if his father realised that this was the first time he trusted Lovino in the kitchen. He was always afraid that he would cause a huge mess that he would have to clean up.

But this wasn't the first time Lovino made something. Often, when his father or brothers weren't home, he would fix something for himself – light and simple, usually, but occasionally he would experiment. And out of fear of his father's reaction, he would always make sure to clean _everything_. He tried his best to erase the evidence of his presence.

The first thing he did was gather and measure all of the ingredients. Yao told him that it was the first thing they had to do. Ms Tazi didn't like it if they went to gather ingredients after everyone had already started, as it wasted precious time. He also filled the sink with water, having also been told to do the dishes while working, otherwise they would pile up.

Using the information that Yao and Ms Tazi had given him, Lovino went ahead with the recipe. He was a bit apprehensive when he removed the baked cake and placed it down on a clean, wet dishtowel. But this was what Ms Tazi told them to do. And once it was rolled, he continued with the filling, having already done the dishes while the cake was baking.

He was so relieved when he finally finished, and he placed the finished cake in the refrigerator. He jumped a bit when he felt someone peering over his shoulder, and he turned around to see Marcello.

"Looks nice," Marcello complimented, before smiling at Lovino. "Looks like we'll have dessert tonight."

"I just can't guarantee that it would taste alright," Lovino said.

"I'm sure it's going to be fine," Marcello said. "Come on. I saw that there's an adaptation of _Macbeth_ on in a few minutes."

Lovino smiled. That sounded like fun.

…

"Wow," Feliciano said, eyes widening. "Vino, this tastes great!"

Lovino nervously picked at his own slice, but he had to admit, it tasted nice.

"And I'm glad to see you kept the kitchen clean," Romulus said. "They give you points for that, right?"

"Si," Lovino said. "So… It's not too bad?"

"Not at all. Next time you need to practise for a practical, feel free."

Lovino felt extremely happy.

…

"Alright," Mr Kirkland said. "Let's go over the homework again."

It was the next day, and the teacher had handed out an assignment for an essay. Lovino was actually pleased to see that there were options. And he noticed that one of them was a narrative essay.

_You're inside an elevator when the last person you wish to see enters. After going up one floor, the elevator suddenly stops and the lights turn out. What happens next?_

Lovino could already see how the scene would play out. He could see Antonio, Gilbert or Francis enter, and sometimes even all three. He wondered if he could use all three. And he knew what would happen. But still… Something inside him wanted to write it out.

"You have until Monday to complete it," Mr Kirkland continued. "If there are any questions, feel free to come see me."

The bell rang, and everyone packed up to leave. Lovino hesitated a bit, wanting to ask the teacher about the narrative essay. Once most of the others were gone, Lovino made his way to Mr Kirkland's desk.

"Oh, Lovino," Mr Kirkland said, smiling. "How may I help you?"

"It's about the narrative essay," Lovino said. "Should it only be one person?"

Mr Kirkland looked down, and his face fell a bit.

"You're thinking about your bullies, aren't you?" he asked.

Lovino nodded his head.

"…The wonderful thing about fiction is that you can alter reality," Arthur said. "If you were locked in an elevator with them, you know how this would go. But you can change the way things go. You can write something about them being caught and punished. You can write them apologising to you. You can even write how they lost a bet and are forced to wear pink pyjamas with sparkling unicorns."

Lovino couldn't help but laugh at the mental picture produced by the last description. Arthur smiled.

"I think this might also be a way for you to work through some of your frustrations," Arthur said. "So… for the first draft, I suggest you get everything out of your system. Don't worry about the wordcount, okay? And then for the final draft, try to get the story to the correct wordcount, alright?"

Lovino smiled and nodded.

"Thank you," he said. "I… I think I have an idea on how to write it."

Arthur smiled, before urging Lovino to go to his next class. All he had to tell the teacher of the next class was that he had to ask Mr Kirkland something, and considering he still walked with a slight limp, it was understandable that he would take a while.

…

Heracles and Gupta exchanged a look, before glancing towards Lovino. They could see how his shoulders tensed. The textbook was open, and they knew that the next topic of Life Skills would be particularly difficult for Lovino.

Bullying.

"So, could anyone give me a few examples of bullying?" Mr Bondevik asked.

In a way, it was fitting that the school counsellor was also the Life Skills teacher. He could connect with the students on the level that they needed to be connected on. And he could understand which topics tended to be painful for which students.

As such, his eyes skipped over Lovino, at least until Lovino raised his hand.

"Yes?" Mr Bondevik prompted.

"When… When they tell you that you shouldn't have been born," Lovino said.

"That's an example of verbal bullying, yes. Can anyone else give an example?"

The other students seemed to get the hint, for a long list of examples came out, all to prevent Lovino from having to relive any of the things that had been done to him. The Italian was in fact staring around the class in astonishment. Gupta and Heracles also gave their own examples.

"Alright," Mr Bondevik said after a while. "Now that you understand what it all entails, I want you to get together in small groups. Two or three people per group, please. You're going to design a poster to explain the dangers of bullying, listing examples of different types of bullying as well as the effects of bullying. You have until next week Friday. You're free to gather in your groups now and start planning. Quietly, please."

Heracles and Gupta beckoned Lovino closer, and he hesitated a bit before sitting with them.

"So, are we going to get together at one of our houses this weekend?" Gupta asked.

"The weekend sounds nice," Lovino said. "Whose…?"

"We can go to my house," Heracles said. "My mom won't mind. Friday okay?"

"Si. I'll just arrange with my dad."

"Just warn us if things get tough for you," Gupta said. "We're not going to let you suffer through this alone, alright?"

Lovino was silent for a moment, before he looked over the rest of the class.

"Why do I get the feeling that they were trying to help me?" he asked.

Heracles and Gupta shared another look.

"Probably because… they _were_," Gupta said. "See, people here have a bit more sympathy for what you went through."

"Last year, there was another student that committed suicide on the schoolgrounds," Heracles explained. "A sweet girl. Everyone liked her. Except for these three girls. They harassed her to the point where she couldn't see those that liked her anymore, and assumed that everyone hated her. She jumped off the roof, and _everyone_ saw her corpse. It haunts everyone to this day. The fact that you admitted that you were bullied and that it caused you to go to the hospital makes everyone think back to that girl. I think… they felt that they failed her, so they're going to help you."

Lovino was silent for a long moment.

"Why didn't you mention any of this before?" he asked.

"Would it have mattered?" Gupta asked.

"…Probably not."

Lovino was silent, and the other two proceeded to plan how they would proceed with the project.

…

Lovino and Feliks were waiting for the bus that afternoon when they noticed someone else approaching them. They were both surprised to see that it was Miguel.

"I hope you don't mind if I join you," Miguel said, a nervous smile on his face.

"Like, no prob," Feliks said. "But, like, _why_ are you joining us?"

"I have to go see my family in your town," Miguel explained. "You know, duty calls and everything."

Lovino couldn't help but think that there was something that Miguel was neglecting to mention, but he decided to leave it at that. If Miguel decided that a lie would be necessary, then he decided that it wasn't his business.

They climbed on as soon as the bus arrived, and Miguel sat with them.

"By the way, what kinds of music do you listen to?" Miguel asked.

"Like, I'm okay with pop music," Feliks said.

"Don't have a specific genre," Lovino said. "Just something that I can ignore."

"So, you're more interested in background music," Miguel said, nodding. "I've got a suggestion for you then. Vlad was the one that suggested it, and it made for an interesting experience. Look for the band 'Nox Arcana'. Their music is themed around horror, and would be a perfect background music for horror movies. Anyway, one of their albums is based on Edgar Allen Poe, and another on HP Lovecraft. Try listening to that when reading."

Lovino frowned, committing it to memory. Well, he could probably look into it when he was finished with his session with Dr Williams.

…

Miguel took a deep breath. He was standing in front of Antonio's house. He needed to speak to his cousin, and he knew that things would go south. Still, he needed to see him. He needed to understand what went through Antonio's head, and he wanted to make sure that his cousin saw reason. Also, it would continue to bother him if he didn't have a word with Antonio regarding this.

Closing his eyes and taking another deep breath, Miguel knocked on the door and opened his eyes. A few seconds later, his aunt opened the door.

"Oh, Miguel," she said. "I wasn't expecting you. What brings you here? And… since when do you wear your hair like that?"

"Sorry to barge in, Tia," Miguel said. "Is Antonio here? I need to talk with him urgently, and it's not exactly a conversation for a phone."

His aunt frowned in confusion, but she nodded her head.

"Si," she said. "He's in his room. Do you want something to drink?"

"No, thank you," Miguel declined. "I'm not planning on staying long."

Miguel made his way up to his cousin's room, finding that Antonio was on his bed, texting on his phone. When his cousin saw him, he frowned and sat up.

"What are you doing here?" Antonio asked.

"We need to talk," Miguel said, stepping in and closing the door behind him.

Antonio's frown deepened, and he stood up, crossing his arms.

"Alright," he said. "What do you want to talk about?"

"You _knew_ that it was Lovino transferring to my school, didn't you?" Miguel asked. "That description must have sounded very familiar to you, am I right?"

Antonio tensed, before shaking his head.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean," Antonio said.

"Don't give me that crap," Miguel said. "You _know_ Lovino, don't you? You can't deny that one."

Antonio looked as though he ate something sour, but he nodded his head.

"Si, I know him," he said. "What lies has he been telling you?"

"No lies, Antonio."

"Bullshit. Lovino is a lunatic, who always tries to play the victim. He hates me, and he would lie about me."

"Tony, I know you well enough to know that what you're selling me is crap. You really expect me to believe that he would _simply_ lie about you? You really expect me to believe that he would waste his time like that? Admit it, Antonio: You're one of the people who tortured him. It's because of you that he ended up in the hospital."

Miguel noticed that Antonio had slowly been inching closer to him, but he wasn't afraid of his cousin. He knew how to handle Antonio.

"He tried to commit suicide," Antonio said. "All because he wanted attention."

"…You're even more of a psychopath than I thought," Miguel said. "So, he punched himself in the face, broke his wrist, hurt his ankle, broke his ribs… All for _attention_? Do you even hear how stupid you sound? Oh, and let's not forget the fact that _you_ almost killed him."

"Did _he _tell you that?" Antonio asked.

"He didn't have to. One of my friends is the son of our principal, and she told him a few things about him. Our job is to help him adjust. And _you_ made this more difficult, because he can't look at me without seeing _you_."

"He's lying!" Antonio insisted. "Who are you going to believe? Someone you just met, or the cousin you knew your whole life?"

"You're _seriously_ asking me that? Who should I believe? The boy who's afraid of me because I look like you, and who had a serious panic attack because of his fear? Or the cousin with a bad temper who hangs out with a bunch of jerks? Well, who _should_ I believe?"

Antonio's eyes were wild, and Miguel could tell that he was really angry. But he wasn't prepared for what happened next.

Antonio had inched close enough to him, and now pounced on him. Miguel was caught off-guard, and landed against the door, slightly lying down. Antonio had his hands wrapped around Miguel's throat, and at first Miguel tried to pry the hands off, before thinking of another way to get Antonio off him. He kneed his cousin in the groin, and once the grip was loosened, he kicked him away and stood up, positioning himself next to the door.

"Ask me again who I would rather believe," Miguel said. "The boy who claims to have been hurt by my cousin, or the cousin who just strangled me?"

Antonio's eyes widened, as though he just realised what he'd done. And they only had a second before Antonio's mother burst into the room.

"What happened?" she demanded, looking between the two teens.

Antonio slightly shook his head, silently asking Miguel not to tell his mother anything, but after what just happened, Miguel wasn't in an obliging mood.

"Tia, remember that boy I mentioned this weekend?" Miguel asked. "The one that was bullied? Well, his name is Lovino Vargas, and Antonio was one of the bullies. You can ask Mr Vargas if you don't believe me."

Miguel knew enough about the two's past to know that Antonio and Lovino used to be friends, so he accepted that his aunt would have Lovino's father's number, at least, or had a way to contact him.

Having said what needed to be said, Miguel ducked out of the room, making his way to the front door. He couldn't help the satisfied smile when he heard his aunt's angry voice follow him.

"What did he mean by that?" she demanded. "Antonio Fernandez Carriedo?!"

…

Romulus was waiting in the therapist's office for Lovino when his phone rang. He frowned when he saw a familiar name, though he and the woman hadn't had a cordial conversation in a long time. She'd always complained to him about Lovino doing something to her son.

He realised now that _he_ should have been the one complaining to _her_.

"Carmen," he greeted. "This is a surprise. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"My nephew said something about my son bullying yours," she said. "Is this true?"

"Si. Lovino's seeing the therapist now. Your nephew is Miguel, right?"

"S-si. I'm not sure I believe all of this, but… Miguel isn't one to lie. And I would normally say the same for Antonio, but… Miguel said to call you if I didn't believe."

"Well, you can believe. Lovino's in a _really_ bad state. We were all wrong about him. It made him… He tried to commit suicide two weeks ago. And the worst part is, we're _lucky_ that he tried. If he didn't… He wouldn't have told us about how hurt he was. The doctor said that he was suffering from a lot of internal bleeding, and would have _died_ otherwise."

"Dios mio… I'm so sorry! About everything. And don't worry about Antonio. As soon as his father comes back, we're going to have a little chat…"

**Forgot to mention, but the CS teacher is my OC for Morocco. When they refer to foreign cuisine in South Africa, Moroccan cuisine usually gets mentioned, asides from the obvious (Italian, French, Chinese… you get the picture).**

**I like Nox Arcana, and I've read one of the songs based on Poe while reading the story. I think it was **_**Masque of the Red Death**_**. It was **_**definitely**_** an interesting experience, and considering I have two books with the complete works of both authors… Yep. Definitely. There's also another with **_**Dracula **_**vibes, and I also have the book. Can't believe I forgot about it.**


	43. Chapter 43

**Thanks to Tokutske, ****cAnd13ThEheTaLiaN, SparklyMagix, ann25099, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, luttu, Carina Sicily and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 43**

Antonio couldn't remember ever being in as much trouble as he was in that moment. If he needed a scolding (which he had normally managed to fool his way out of), then it would be either his mother or his father. _Never_ in his life had he been scolded by both of them at the same time!

"Now, what's this I hear about you bullying a boy and almost causing his death?" his father demanded.

"It's… It's not like that," Antonio insisted.

"Don't lie," his mother said. "Your aunt Isabel called me, wondering why Miguel's throat was red. He told her that he would be coming here, and he sounded pretty out of breath when he left. Well?"

Antonio flinched. That… That was actually something he felt bad about. He couldn't believe that he had lost control like that. That he had strangled his cousin. And… He wondered if he would have stopped at that. He would reluctantly admit that he probably deserved Miguel kneeing him in the groin. No matter how much that hurt.

Miguel… Despite how annoying he could be, and how he would often look down on Antonio, he didn't deserve that. Not like Lovino did.

"I also did as Miguel suggested," his mother continued. "I called Mr Vargas. He admitted that Lovino was seeing a therapist now, and that he tried to commit suicide two weeks ago. He also said that they were _lucky_ that Lovino tried that, because he was suffering from a lot of internal bleeding. Enough to _kill_ him, Antonio! Do you even _realise_ that they could press charges against you? What you did was assault. It's _illegal_. And if he _did_ die, then you would also be a _murderer_!"

There it was again. That word. Why did everyone always call him that? Lovino… _He _was the one guilty of… of…

"Tell me something," his father said. "What did that boy ever do to you? What makes you think that he deserved to be treated that way?"

"Because he's rude!" Antonio exclaimed. "And selfish! And arrogant! And…"

"And does that give you the right to try to _kill_ him?" his mother demanded. "Do you have _any_ idea how _bad_ a person has to feel if they think that the only way to escape their pain is death? How _lonely_ they must be? How much they would have to _hate_ themselves? How badly damaged someone has to be to not see the light that's right in front of them? Do you have _any_ idea what you've done to that poor boy?"

"I didn't try to kill him," Antonio muttered.

That… that wasn't quite true. He remembered Lovino's tenth birthday party. The pool. How _fun_ it felt to have him so scared of them. How… _nice_ it felt to have that power over him.

And then, two weeks ago… Lovino was always getting them into trouble. And the thought of how much better their lives would have been without him. It felt nice to put him in his place. If only they hadn't been interrupted by the rain.

"Whether you wanted to or not, you did a horrible thing, Antonio," his father said. "Give me your phone."

"What?" Antonio asked, genuinely off-guard.

"In case it's not clear, you're grounded. No phone, no TV, no going anywhere after school, and no internet unless it's for school. And we'll be monitoring it."

"You… You can't do this to me!"

"Would you rather let the police handle things?" his mother asked. "Because I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation you're in. You almost cost someone his life. And if I remember all of the times you complained about Lovino Vargas… Well, now I know that _you_ weren't the one with the right to complain."

Antonio gritted his teeth, before he handed over his phone. He could see that his parents wouldn't listen to him. Perhaps it was best to just listen to them until he could prove to them that they were wrong.

"You'll also be calling your cousin," his mother said. "Apologise to Miguel for what you did this afternoon."

"How am I supposed to do _that_?" Antonio asked, glancing to the phone in his father's hand.

"There's a landline," his father said. "And we'll be able to see that it's done."

Antonio paused when he saw something in his parents' eyes that he never saw before. It was a type of coldness, mixed with disappointment and shame. And that was also when he realised that he'd lost their trust and respect.

But… it _wasn't_ his fault. It _wasn't_…

…

"What exactly happened between you and Antonio?" Miguel's mother asked.

It wasn't the first time she asked him that, and like last time, Miguel just shook his head. He didn't want to talk about it. He could at least understand where Lovino's fear came from.

Miguel looked up when his mother came to sit down on the bed next to him. He put his book down and turned his full attention to her.

"Please, tell me," his mother said. "Why is your throat red?"

Unconsciously, Miguel's hand went up to his throat. It still felt tender. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He had no reason to want to protect Antonio, after all, and he realised that this was mostly because he didn't want to admit that he might have been reckless.

"You… you remember what I said about that new student?" Miguel asked. "The one who was bullied?"

"Oh, right," his mother said. "I've been meaning to ask you about how it's going."

"Well… It's pretty complicated. But… Antonio… _he_ was one of the people who bullied him."

His mother's eyes widened.

"Are… are you sure?" she asked.

"He has no reason to lie," Miguel said. "And he's scared of me. I… I can't imagine how anyone would _enjoy_ that. I… I went to confront Antonio about it, and… He actually asked me who I would rather believe. And then when I told him that I _couldn't_ believe him, he… lost control."

His mother gasped, reaching out to his neck. He flinched at the brush of contact.

"So… Antonio…" she started.

"He strangled me," he said.

His mother hugged him, which he returned. He couldn't help but replay the events of earlier through his mind. It… wasn't how it was supposed to go. He hoped that Antonio would see reason. That Antonio would give up and admit it. He didn't think that Antonio would continue to deny as long as he did. He didn't think that Antonio would attack him.

And… how long was Antonio planning to hold him like that? Was he only trying to scare Miguel? Would he have snapped out of it before Miguel lost consciousness? Or would he have only realised what he'd done after…?

And would he have been horrified, or would he have brushed it aside?

Miguel had never been afraid of his cousin, but… that look in his eyes… There was anger, and there was hatred, but Miguel didn't know if it was directed at Lovino or at him. It… wasn't a pleasant thought.

"What would you like to eat tonight?" his mother asked. "I got out some steak, but if you would prefer something else…"

He shook his head and smiled.

"Obrigado," he said. "I… what about prego?"

She smiled and kissed her son on the head.

"I'll just tell your father to pick up some buns then," she said, before leaving the room.

As he reached up to his neck again, he couldn't help but wonder how many times Lovino had Antonio's hands wrapped around his neck. He had seen faint bruises around the Italian's neck, so… How many times?

…

Ludwig was studying for a test in his room. A knock on his door made him turn his attention to the entrance, where his father was standing with his arms crossed.

"I just received a call from Antonio's father," Wulfric explained. "Tell me, what can you tell me about Gilbert bullying someone?"

Ludwig sighed. He wondered how long it would take for his father to learn about this. Still, he had hoped that his father wouldn't ask _him_ about this.

"Lovino Vargas," Ludwig said. "The guy tried to commit suicide two weeks ago. His brother's in my class. He… He changed, since his brother's suicide attempt. He's not as cheerful as he used to be. He's… quiet lately. And he seems a bit stressed."

"And the boy he bullied?" Wulfric asked.

"He transferred to another school, after spending a week in hospital. And… There are these rumours. That Gilbert and the other two tried to _murder_ him."

"And do you believe that?"

"I… I don't know. I've seen him attack the guy a few times. He seemed to truly hate him."

"And would you call those fights?"

"Nein. A lot of the times, I've seen them pin him down. And they always ganged up on him."

"And if you saw them… Why didn't you _stop _them?"

Ludwig flinched at his father's tone.

"I… didn't think it was my place," Ludwig admitted.

"So in other words, you saw injustice and didn't stop it," Wulfric said. "I'm very disappointed in you."

Ludwig lowered his gaze. That… sounded harsh.

"Of course, that is_ nothing_ compared to how disappointed I am in your brother," Wulfric continued. "For the next week, you'll be alone on dishwashing duty. As for your brother… You are _not_ to help him with any of his punishments. Understand?"

Ludwig nodded his head. He felt it was a bit unfair that he would be punished for doing nothing, but… he realised that it wasn't unreasonable. His father had told him about a story long ago about a girl he saw being assaulted, and he didn't do anything to stop the assailants. The next day, he saw the girl's picture in the newspaper. She had been killed. And he could have stopped it. So… By punishing him for his own inaction… He wondered if his father was reliving that same guilt.

And besides, a week of washing and putting away the dishes didn't sound unreasonable at all.

…

When Francis went down to dinner, he was surprised to see his parents looking so grim. Camille glanced to him, but silently continued to plate her food. Francis frowned, wondering if something had happened, but decided to focus on his food first.

"Francis," his mother said, and he froze when he heard how cold her voice was, "I received a call from Carmen earlier. Something about Lovino Vargas, that boy you're always complaining about."

Francis glanced towards his sister, realising that she was pointedly looking away from him.

"O-oh?" he stammered. "Did he hurt Antonio?"

"On the contrary," his father said. "It would seem that _Antonio_ hurt the boy, and that _you_ were involved as well."

Francis swallowed, and shook his head.

"N-non," he said. "I have no idea what…"

"Don't lie to us," his father snapped. "I also spoke to Mr Vargas. He confirmed that his son tried to kill himself, and that there was a chance that he _still_ would have died because of internal bleeding."

Francis glanced towards his sister again, who was calmly trying to eat her dinner.

"Camille _also_ told us that all of that was true," his mother said. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I… It's not like that," he feebly tried.

"Tell me, are you even sorry at all?" his father asked.

No. Why _should_ he be? Lovino was…

"You're grounded," his mother said. "Four months. And asides from that, I've also gotten a list of chores for you."

She handed him a paper, and he shakily took it. They had a housekeeper, so… Francis never had a need to do chores.

"If you miss even one of those for the next four months, then an additional _week_ will be added," his mother continued. "Evelyn will be supervising you to make sure that it's done."

Francis couldn't believe this. He… He was being forced to work? But…

"Non!" Francis exclaimed. "This is… Lovino lied because he wanted attention! He's _always_ trying to play the victim!"

"Then why did his father send a picture of him lying heavily injured in a hospital bed?" his father asked.

Francis froze. What?

"I asked him to send me a picture of the state he's in," his mother explained, before showing him the phone. "If he was 'lying' and 'playing the victim', then explain the bruises on his face."

Francis was left speechless. He couldn't help but stare at the phone. There was no doubt that it was Lovino, but… Since when was he so pale? And… those bruises… It _couldn't_ have been… And his _arms_…

Francis actually felt _nauseous_ when he saw this photo. He couldn't see the boy that he despised. He remembered Feliciano's attitude towards him and the others. And he briefly imagined Camille in that position, and it all made sense.

"After school, you are to come straight home," his father continued. "You aren't going anywhere unless it's with your mother or I. Understand?"

Francis mutely nodded, before looking down at his food. He didn't feel hungry anymore. He felt sick to his stomach. It… It _couldn't_ have been what he and his friends had done, could it? But… Lovino was there because he attempted suicide.

But Feliciano's accusations of attempted murder echoed.

…

After dinner, Romulus made his way to his office, intending to do some work. Before that, though, he took out his phone and scrolled to a certain photo.

The photo was taken while they were still waiting for Lovino to wake up that fateful night. It was during a moment when Feliciano and Marcello went out – Marcello to the bathroom, and Feliciano to see if he could get something from the vending machine. At the time, it felt like a compulsion. He himself couldn't understand why he would take that picture. But perhaps, on some subconscious level, he _knew_.

Every morning and every evening, he would look at the picture. It was his way of reminding himself to not let things return to the way they were before. He didn't think he could live with himself if he drove his son to a hospital bed again. Or worse…

No parent wanted to see their child get injured, and they especially didn't want to see them in the hospital. And Romulus was no different. He didn't want any of his sons to be in the hospital. And it was the second time that Lovino had gone there. The second time when his body had been put through horrible punishment. The first time was an accident, but the second was the cause of people _deliberately_ hurting his son. And both times, Lovino was fighting for his life. Both times, he was lucky to survive.

And Romulus completely ignored the first time. Instead of cherishing his son, he pushed him away. Because he reminded Romulus of what he'd lost. Because Romulus, perhaps subconsciously, _wanted_ to see Lovino as some sort of monster.

He was too foolish to realise that _he_ was the monster.

He'd started noticing it more and more, since he actually started _spending time_ with Lovino. He was a bit awkward, and sarcastic, and calmer than he thought he was. He would admit, thinking back to his image of Lovino two weeks ago, he couldn't see the two boys together. The image he'd had, and the real Lovino.

But still, Lovino seemed uncomfortable when they were alone. He noticed it when driving Lovino to and from Dr Williams. Lovino was quiet, and he mostly looked out of the window. And whenever Romulus would say something, he would tense and look at him nervously. As though expecting him to say something harsh again.

Lovino was still afraid of him.

But still, there was a spark in Lovino's eye now. A spark that hadn't been there before. A spark that Romulus hadn't realised he'd missed. Lovino _was_ happier than he'd been, but he knew that there was still a lot of healing to do.

And he vowed to help his son heal in any way he could.

…

The next morning on the bus, Ludwig did something he hardly ever did: he greeted Marcello Vargas.

The Italian looked startled that he greeted him, but he wasn't afraid of him. That was something else that had changed. Perhaps Marcello's anger at his brother had caused him to gain courage whenever Ludwig was around. And it was understandable that he would be startled. Ludwig and Marcello weren't what one would call 'friends'. They barely qualified as acquaintances.

But still, Ludwig had a responsibility to fulfil.

"How's your brother?" he asked, sitting down in the seat in front of Marcello.

"I'm assuming you're asking about Lovino," Marcello said. "_Why_, though?"

Ludwig sighed, before he looked towards where his brother was.

"My father found out about what happened," Ludwig said. "I want to say I'm sorry about my brother."

Marcello sighed, shaking his head.

"Just keep him far away from my brother," Marcello said. "Anyway… Lovino's doing better. He managed to find a group of friends in the new school. They're really nice."

Ludwig couldn't help the small smile.

"That's good to hear," he said.

…

"What's with the turtleneck?" Yao asked.

Miguel sighed, before lowering the collar of the shirt to show his friend the bruises. Yao's eyes widened.

"What happened?" he demanded.

"I went to confront my cousin," Miguel said. "There isn't a doubt in my mind that Lovino was telling the truth."

"That… that was pretty reckless."

"I know," Miguel sighed. "At least my cousin is in trouble now. After everything he's done… He doesn't deserve to get away with it anymore."

Yao shook his head.

"Are you going to tell Lovino about this?" he asked.

"No…" Miguel said. "I don't think I should. I have no idea how he'd take it. I don't want to make things worse for him."

For all he knew, him confronting his cousin could have been the _worst_ thing to do in Lovino's eyes.

**The reason why none of the BTT's parents demanded that they apologise to Lovino is because they realise that they wouldn't be sincere about it, and they didn't want to risk the chance that they further traumatised Lovino.**


	44. Chapter 44

**Thanks to ****Ttdfhgfhhfhjffh, Vzubv, 0, SparklyMagix, WickedInk, Carina Sicily, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love and an anon for reviewing. Thanks for 150 reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 44**

Thursdays were when Lovino had an entire hour to himself. No classes scheduled for him for that one hour. But instead of using that time to do homework or read, he had to go to Mr Bondevik's office.

But it was the agreement. He had no choice but to see the counsellor, who needed to ensure that things were going smoothly for him at the new school.

After what felt like an eternity of waiting, he was finally allowed to go inside. Mr Bondevik gave him a small smile, which Lovino didn't take too personally. He'd learned that the Norwegian male wasn't too expressive.

"I'm glad you came," the older male said. "Are you settling in okay?"

Lovino shrugged, before nodding his head.

"Everyone's been… nice to me," Lovino said. "To be honest, it's a bit strange. I just wish that they'd stop treating me like some sort of spectacle."

"It's unfortunately hard to stop that," Mr Bondevik sighed. "Your bruises can be a bit distracting. But I'm pleased to see that you're not trying to cover them up. Hiding it wouldn't have helped you at all."

"…I guess I'm used to it. This isn't the first time I've been covered in bruises. This _is_ the first time that no one's told me that it's my fault."

"That's good to hear, I suppose. And how are your classes?"

"I actually have a practical for CS later."

"Have you made arrangements to make up the extra credit?"

"Si. I have to do extra homework assignments, and we'll need to schedule for the practical. Ms Tazi gave me a break this week, but next week I'll have to pick a day."

"Which days are you free?"

"…Thursdays and Fridays. I'm seeing Dr Williams on Monday and Wednesday, and Tuesday's book club."

"I see. Well, it's good that you're keeping busy. And do you enjoy being with Dr Williams?"

"He's… nice. I can't really complain. Yesterday, he made me do a drawing exercise. So weird."

Lukas smiled.

"Tell me, do you enjoy drawing?" he asked.

"I guess so," Lovino said. "But, I'm not nearly as good as my brother."

"But do you _enjoy_ it? If you ask me, whether or not you enjoy doing something is more important than whether or not you're good at it. Tell you what. Why don't you draw something for me sometime? Don't worry about the quality, okay?"

Lovino bit his lip, but nodded his head. He wondered what the point of the drawing would be, but…

"Should I do it _now_?" Lovino asked.

"I actually need to see a few more students," Lukas said. "I'm sorry. Think of it as homework, alright? And speaking of which, you have a group for the Life Skills project?"

"Si. Gupta and Heracles."

"Then you're in good hands. Anything else you'd like to tell me?"

For a moment, Lovino considered telling him about Miguel being the cousin of one of his bullies, but decided against it. After all, Miguel had done nothing to him (yet). It would be unfair to have that kind of attention placed on him. So Lovino just shook his head.

"Alright then," Lukas said. "I'll see you again next week. Take care, alright? And if you _do_ have trouble, come to me or your friends, alright? Don't handle this alone."

Livino didn't know whether or not he could call them friends yet, but the thought sent a thrill through his body.

…

"What's with that shirt?" Lovino asked.

Miguel sighed, shaking his head. One by one, his friends had asked him about the turtleneck. He could understand why. This wasn't the season for something like this. And those that knew him a long time would know that it wasn't something that he wore a lot.

And naturally, Lovino was the last person that he wanted to ask him about it.

"Well, I think it looks totally great," Feliks said. "Like, it totally suits you."

Miguel smiled gratefully at Feliks. Of course, he'd told Feliks about what happened, and he had a feeling that he managed to impress the Pole. Feliks certainly seemed a bit friendlier around him.

The group had come together for lunch, and Miguel made sure that both Lovino and Feliks had food on their trays. They had smaller helpings than the rest of them due to being unused to eating lunch at school, but at least they had _something_.

"By the way, my mom said it's fine to work on the project this weekend," Heracles said. "Lovino, will you be able to get here okay?"

"Are you talking about the Life Skills project?" Vlad asked.

"That's right."

"I asked my dad about it, and he's okay to take me," Lovino said.

"Like, it's totally unfair that we're not in the same class," Feliks said. "It would have made things _so_ much easier."

They'd actually asked Gupta about this, since he had inside knowledge. He explained that, while the original plan had been to keep Feliks and Lovino in the same classes as much as possible, there was still the issue of a Chemistry class and Consumer Studies class not being in the same timeslot, but coincidentally, a Life Skills class was at that same time for both subjects, so it was decided that they would have to be separated for Life Skills in order to go to their other classes.

Miguel and Yao were partnered up, and Vlad and Feliks. Of course, that didn't stop them from discussing the project with each other.

Actually, Yao and Miguel would be getting together that afternoon in order to do their project. The quicker they did it, the better. They didn't want to have this weight over their heads longer than necessary, especially since it was Life Skills.

With no offense to Mr Bondevik, of course. He was an awesome teacher. The subject was the problem.

Well, at least they weren't doing drugs again. Miguel _loathed_ that topic. Alright, they got it, drugs were bad, moving on! And then there was the awkwardness years ago when the topic moved on to puberty, and the video that came with it.

…Actually, on second thought, perhaps the topic on drugs was better.

"You're doing that practical in CS after lunch, right?" Heracles asked.

"That's right," Yao said. "We're making a roll cake. Usual place?"

"You _know_ we'll be there," Vlad said, grinning toothily.

"Huh?" Feliks enquired, looking around.

"It's kind of become a Thursday tradition," Miguel explained. "Whenever Yao has CS practical, we'll meet afterwards to get a sample of whatever it is they made in class."

"You're welcome too, you know?" Yao asked, looking at Feliks. "Or, would you rather take a slice from Lovino, if he's willing to share?"

Feliks looked towards Lovino, who simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Great," Yao said. "Then Lovino, as soon as you're finished eating, I think we should head over there immediately. Ms Tazi doesn't like to be kept waiting."

…

Lovino couldn't begin to describe how happy he was that they would be working in pairs.

Usually he had a problem with working in pairs, but since this was his first practical in a subject that he'd never had before, he appreciated any guidance that he could get. And fortunately, they could choose who to cook with, and Yao had decided to take him under his wing.

As it turned out, there was a lot more to the subject than merely cooking. For example, if he wanted to use the electronic whisk, then they had to place the bowl on a folded tea towel before they set to work. And they had to spray the pan with non-stick spray _outside_ the class. It actually all made sense, once Lovino thought about it. They also had to heat the oven to about ten degrees more than they were supposed to, and they had to wait for the oven's light to go out before they placed the cake in the oven, and then they had to lower the temperature to the intended target.

It was hectic, and Lovino was glad that he had Yao to help him with everything. In the rare moments when only one of them was needed, they made turns washing the dishes. That was something else that Lovino discovered was absolutely important.

Ms Tazi walked through the classroom, seeing how everyone was doing. She lingered at Yao and Lovino's station, probably to make sure that Lovino was managing alright.

Lovino breathed a sigh of relief when they placed the cake in the oven, but they couldn't relax yet. Lovino went to clean the dishes while Yao prepared the creamy filling.

"Are you keeping up alright?" Ms Tazi asked, walking towards Lovino.

"Si," he said. "It's just… a lot more hectic than I imagined. And hot in here."

"The ovens. You'll get used to them. Now, have you thought about your extra credit?"

"…The only days I have available are Thursday and Friday."

"Hmm, Fridays don't work for me, so Thursdays then?"

Lovino nodded his head, and the teacher went off to check on the next station. She seemed a bit strict, but she appeared to genuinely show concern for her students, and whether or not they were doing alright in the subject.

After adding the filling and rolling the cake, Yao and Lovino had to decorate the counter, as though they were setting a table for a tea party. Lovino had absolutely no experience with something like that, but Yao at least took charge, stating that he had a younger sister.

Lovino didn't realise how nervous he would be when the teacher came to evaluate their cake, and he was a bit disappointed to get a six out of ten. Yao smiled at him reassuringly.

"Ms Tazi is a strict marker," he explained. "Getting a six isn't so bad."

Lovino couldn't help but smile when Yao told him that, and the two tasted their cake as well. Lovino couldn't help but think that there was a subtle difference in taste from when he practised two days ago, but it wasn't bad. Actually, he would say that it tasted slightly better with Yao's help.

…

"Like, this is so awesome," Feliks said.

It turned out that the usual place was in the staff room. One of the perks of having the principal's son as a friend was that they had access after school. And they used that access to enjoy a slice of cake.

"So, any idea what you're making next week?" Vlad asked.

"You know we wouldn't be able to find out until Monday," Yao said.

"It doesn't make sense, if you ask me," Heracles said. "I mean, why doesn't she give you a chance to practise it over the weekend?"

"I don't know," Yao said. "But at least I usually get dinner out of the mix. And occasionally, dessert."

"Do you have any other recipes?" Lovino asked. "I need to make up the credits, and if I could practise a bit…"

"Of course," Yao said. "I'll give you my book tomorrow, so if possible, make copies and give me the book on Monday, okay?"

Lovino nodded his head, a smile on his face.

"Grazie," he said.

The advantage of going with a public bus instead of a school bus was that there would be another one half an hour after the first one. After saying goodbye to the others, Lovino and Feliks went to get their bus. Lovino sighed in relief when he sat down on the bus's seat.

"Like, you seem tired," Feliks said. "Are you okay?"

"Si," Lovino said. "CS is a bit more hectic than I thought it would be. I need a damn nap."

"So take one."

"Can't. Your dad's orders. I'm not allowed to take a nap. They're scared I'll have a nightmare again and… hurt myself."

Lovino glanced down at his right wrist, which still hurt a lot. And it itched. The splint wasn't as clunky as a cast, but still couldn't be removed, and it was starting to get _seriously_ bothersome.

"Like, if it's giving problems, I'm sure my dad can take a look at it," Feliks said.

"It's just itching," Lovino said.

"Oh. Like, clothes hanger. Or pencils."

"I'll keep that in mind."

…

Heracles set about cleaning his room. Lovino and Gupta would be coming over in two days, and since Heracles and his mother had somewhere else to be the following day, Saturday was the only option. And why he was cleaning his room at that moment.

He jumped a bit when rapping came from his door, and he turned to see his mother there, eyebrow arched.

"We're ordering pizza tonight," she said. "Any requests?"

"The usual," Heracles said.

"Of course. So, has that friend of yours made arrangements?"

"His father would be bringing him on Saturday," Heracles said. "You're not going to scare him away, are you?"

Helena smiled.

"You make it sound as though I deliberately chase them off," she said. "Still, I guess it would be nice to have someone new to get to know."

Heracles felt a pang at his mother's forlorn look. She hadn't been the same since his father's death five years ago. And he knew that she had _tried_ to move on, but not only did the sorrow make her dating life suffer, her social life also had to be laid to rest. The only friend she had now was Eshe Hassan. Which was also why Gupta and Heracles were such good friends.

"If it helps, I know that Lovino lost his mother," Heracles said. "His father might be a bit more sympathetic, you know?"

She chuckled at his efforts to make her feel better.

"I guess I should leave you at it," she said. "You know, you should invite your friends over more often. Maybe then this place would get a regular cleaning."

He rolled his eyes. He didn't like cleaning too often. What was the point in doing it every week? It would just get dirty again. And it was valuable time he wasted. Time he could have spent reading or sleeping.

Speaking of which… before doing homework, and after he was finished with the cleaning, then he was going to take a nap. A nap sounded great right now.

…

When Lovino entered his room, he was surprised to see something on his bed. When he walked closer, he saw that it was a bookmark, with intricate designs of wolves and with a dark green background. Frowning, he went downstairs (grabbing his bookbag) to ask his brothers about it.

"H-hey, does anyone know about this bookmark?" Lovino asked, holding the item for his brothers to see.

"Do you like it?" Feliciano asked. "I've been working on it since last week. Finished it yesterday in art club, but had to wait for the final touches to settle."

Lovino paused, before looking down at the bookmark again. Feliciano _made_ this?

"I wanted to finish it sooner, before you got out of the hospital," Feliciano continued. "But it's harder to draw something on such a small canvas. It took a lot of tries. But I really wanted to make you something that would be special to you."

Lovino paused, before he looked at the bookmark again. Feliciano made this… specifically for _him_? It wasn't part of some project they were working on or anything? Feliciano made this because… he wanted to make something special for _him_?

He'd also felt, for a brief moment, the familiar twinge of jealousy when he realised that Feliciano had designed this. He remembered the task that Mr Bondevik had given him, and he didn't think that he could compare to his brother. But being told that this work of art was made for him… the jealousy was gone. Instead, there was a warm feeling in Lovino's chest. He felt… blessed.

"Grazie," Lovino said softly. "It's beautiful."

Feliciano beamed at the praise, and Lovino started making his way to the dining room table. Feliciano and Marcello followed after him. He didn't know when it had become a tradition, but they seemed so happy that Lovino was joining them to do their homework. And, he had to admit, it felt nice to not be cooped up in his room alone, doing this.

Lovino cringed as a shock of pain raced through his body, and he looked down to see that Chiara had bumped into his injured ankle. The puppy looked up at him with her head cocked, and Lovino bent down to place her on his lap.

"You need to be more careful," he lightly scolded.

She licked his hand, as though apologising to him, before curling up to sleep on his lap. He smiled. While she was still small enough for this, he didn't see why he shouldn't spoil her a bit. As he did his homework, he lightly stroked her with his injured hand, a bit upset that he couldn't give her proper attention like this. He couldn't wait for the day when the doctors decided that his wrist was healed enough.

…

Feliks sat down on the seat opposite Matthew. He'd actually come to enjoy his sessions with the therapist. Matthew made him feel welcome, and didn't make him feel as though he was being dissected.

"I see you're in a good mood today," Matthew observed.

"Like, totally," Feliks responded. "We got a slice of cake after school."

"Oh? What's the occasion?"

"Lovino had his first CS class. And apparently, it's like a tradition with the other group of friends."

"I see… And tell me, how are you settling in with that group of friends? You missed your session on Tuesday because of book club, right?"

"Y-yeah… Sorry about that."

"No problem. I'm just glad to see that you're expanding your horizons. And getting to know a few more people."

"R-right… Did… Did Lovino tell you about that one, Miguel?"

"About him being one of the bullies' cousin? Yes, he told me."

"Like, he went to confront his cousin about it yesterday. Managed to get him in trouble, but… Antonio attacked him too. His throat is all bruised and… like, he doesn't want Lovino to know."

"I see… And what do you think of all that?"

"Like, he's totally brave!"

"Indeed."

**When I had to edit Life Skills and the topic was puberty… We're not allowed to use headphones in the office, but I had the defence when the boss came in that I didn't want to bother my colleagues with the topic. **_**Five**_** videos… One of them was general, while the other four were gender-specific. It's even worse than when I had to edit reproduction (that was for Natural Science, and there wasn't a video to go along with it).**


	45. Chapter 45

**Thanks to WickedInk and Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 45**

"This _stinks_!" Gilbert huffed.

As punishment for what he and his friends had done to Lovino, he was confined to the house, where he had to do a lot of chores. If only it were that easy. Because his father had decided that simply doing the chores wouldn't be enough. He had to give the tasks a difficulty spike.

For example, Gilbert had to cut the grass. With scissors. And his father was watching him, and he warned him that he wouldn't be afraid to call the police. After all, assault was a criminal offence, and it would be easy to get a testimony from the doctors who attended to Lovino about the severity of his injuries. And they could also always convince their fellow students to testify how Gilbert and his friends had a habit of getting into altercations with Lovino.

His father was a real traitor. He should have been on _his_ side. He should have understood that Gilbert had a good reason for wanting to put that arrogant asshole in his place.

Lovino…

Gilbert could clearly see Lovino's arrogant face in his mind. He clearly remembered Lovino's attitude towards other people. How he treated everyone as though they were beneath him. How he would abuse those that tried to get close to him. How he would be nothing but rude and snappish towards them.

And now everyone was on Lovino's side, ignoring the fact that a few weeks ago they had felt the same way about him as Gilbert felt. And now they wanted to treat Lovino as the victim.

Filthy hypocrites!

And even Antonio and Francis were showing signs of believing that Lovino was the victim, but at least they hadn't forgotten the cruel treatment they had received from Lovino when they had tried to be his friends. And they also felt that what they were going through was unjustified and wrong.

If Gilbert ever got his hands on Lovino again… though, the chances of that happening anytime soon weren't in his favour. He was grounded, and couldn't go anywhere asides from school. And then there was the fact that Lovino didn't attend the same school anymore. There was no way for Gilbert to get to Lovino.

But if he decided to go after Lovino's brothers…

He shook his head. No, that wouldn't help him. He needed to get to Lovino, and besides, Feliciano and Marcello had something that Lovino never had: friends. It would be impossible to get either of them alone.

The only option available to him was that he remained patient. It was only a matter of time before his father realised that Gilbert wasn't this monster that he seemed to think that he was now. The punishment would be lifted. Gilbert would be able to go out. He would be able to get near Lovino again. And he would make sure that Lovino would _never_ be able to ruin their lives again. After all, he'd already tried to commit suicide once. It wouldn't be too hard for everyone to believe that he'd tried again. Especially if they got him to the bridge that led out of town. And the river that flowed underneath the bridge. It would be especially great if they managed it after it rained, and the water level would be higher.

Yes, that sounded like a good plan.

…

Lovino had been putting it off long enough. He'd been mulling over the ideas for his Literature homework for a few days, and he kept postponing actually writing it. But all his homework was finished now, but Marcello and Feliciano were still busy, and he somehow felt guilty about leaving them like that. With the narrative essay the only thing left, Lovino figured that now would be a good time to face the music.

_I was in an elevator when the doors opened. I froze when I saw the three people on the other side. Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. Francis Bonnefoy. Gilbert Beilschmidt. These three boys were responsible for making my childhood hell. To put it into simple terms, they were my bullies._

_I tried to push the button to close the door, but when they saw that I was the one inside the elevator, they pushed their way in and cornered me against the far wall. Instead of the echo of the doors closing, I only heard my whimper of fear._

"_Well now, look who it is," Gilbert said. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"_

"_We've missed you," Francis purred._

_My breath hitched when the elevator suddenly stopped. The lights went off, and I was plunged into darkness with the three people who hated me. Their eyes were all that I could see. Gilbert's eyes were red, and I was sure that all the blood they made me spill was gathered in those eyes. Francis's were blue, and I was sure that they absorbed all my bruises. And Antonio… His green eyes dripped with poison._

_I didn't know whose fist collided with my stomach, but I found myself curling up while pain burst through my torso. I couldn't breathe. Blow for blow, my body felt their fists. Before long, I felt the familiar feeling of a hand wrapped around my throat. I knew it to be Antonio's. I knew the feeling of their hands around my throat far too well._

"_No one's going to stop us this time," Antonio whispered into my ear. "It's time to finish what we started."_

_I knew what they were referring to. Years ago, they attempted to drown me. I managed to break free, and if not for my father coming into view, they would have continued to try. And this time, no one would be able to stop them._

_The emergency lights came on, bathing them in a red glow. They looked like the demons that lurked within their souls. I closed my eyes, their faces burned into the back of my eyelids. The thought that this would be the last thing I saw filled me with fear as I felt my chest tighten and tighten…_

_I could faintly hear people on the other side of the doors, desperately trying to free the prisoners of this box. My hope rested with them now. Even if they were too late… Even if I was already gone by the time they opened those doors… My body would serve as evidence of their crime._

Lovino placed the pen down. It was only the rough draft, but he had been told to try it without proper planning the first time. He had to get it all out. And even though he left it ambiguous whether or not he survived in the end, he felt better. Just the thought that those three – even if it was only a story – wouldn't get away with what they'd done made him feel better. That there was at least _some_ justice in the world.

"Lovino?"

He jumped when he heard Marcello's voice, and he turned to face his youngest brother.

"S-si?" he asked.

"Are you okay?" Marcello asked. "Your hand is shaking."

Lovino looked down at his left hand, only to find that it was indeed shaking. So was his right, which was still in his lap. Chiara was stretching towards that hand, and she gently licked it a few times.

"I'm fine," Lovino sighed. "I guess this essay was more demanding than I thought it would be."

"What's the essay about?" Feliciano asked.

"It's a narrative essay. About… what would happen if you're trapped in an elevator with the last person you want to see."

His two brothers shuddered. It was clear that they understood what was bothering him.

"I-if you don't mind," Marcello said, "do you mind if I take a look?"

Lovino hesitated for a moment, before he handed the paper over to his brother. Dr Williams had told him to open up to his brothers a bit more.

He was silent as Marcello read the paper, his frown deepening the further he read. Eventually, he saw that Marcello's hand was also shaking, and he handed the paper over to Feliciano.

"The scary part is that it would actually happen," Marcello said. "Isn't there some way you could… change it a bit?"

"The teacher suggested that I write the first draft to get everything out of my system," Lovino explained. "I… I might change it for the final draft."

"I don't think you should," Feliciano said. "They always tell us that art is supposed to send a message, no matter how grim that message might be. And literature's a form of art, right? Ve, I think… You should keep it like this. Make people see how dangerous their actions can be."

Lovino was surprised to hear something like this coming from Feliciano, but he silently accepted the paper back. Perhaps… Perhaps he should ask Mr Kirkland about his opinion. But to be honest, he didn't think that he really wanted to change it. This essay… It was based on his own experiences. It came from the heart. And he had enough about silencing the cries from his heart.

…

"So, how's that new student doing?" Mei asked. "What's his name again?"

"Lovino," Yao said. "Well, it's still a bit early to say. He's opening up a bit more, though it's just my opinion. He tried his hardest in CS today, despite having a broken wrist. I'm actually surprised by how well he can function with a hand out of commission."

Leon frown as he pierced his slice of cake.

"Makes you wonder how used he is to doing something like that," Leon stated.

"…I hate it when you're right," Yao sighed. "It _does_ make me wonder how used he is to something like that. How… _tolerant_ he is to pain. And how much punishment he had to endure to reach that point."

Mei frowned.

"Have you tried inviting him out somewhere yet?" she asked. "Maybe an outing would help him. I mean… If he's been bullied, then I wonder how many chances he's had to spend time with other kids. Friends."

"Well, we've arranged to watch _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ next Saturday," Yao said. "So, I guess there's _that_."

"Ooh, and afterwards you can all go for ice-cream together or something," Mei suggested.

"We'll see about it," Yao said, smirking slightly.

…

During homeroom, Lovino went up to Mr Kirkland, who greeted him with a smile.

"Hello Lovino," Arthur greeted. "How may I help you?"

"I… I did the first draft," Lovino said. "Do you mind… looking it over?"

Arthur's gaze turned solemn, and he nodded his head. He accepted the paper, and Lovino waited there, applying most of his weight to his right foot. He was nervous, especially after all the times when his essays were less than stellar.

"The repetition of 'I was sure' is a bit of a problem," Arthur mused. "But comparing their eyes to blood and bruises makes sense, and I especially like the part about the eyes dripping of poison. It would also make more sense for the emergency lights to come on earlier. Also, the part where you compared them to demons… Don't make it a comparison, but rather a metaphor. Make the two equal without saying it's _like_ that. But… You definitely have talent. Could use some refinement, but… Honestly, it gave me chills." Arthur smiled at him. "Good job."

Lovino was surprised. He couldn't really recall a teacher ever actually telling him 'good job'. He accepted the paper back again, thanking the teacher.

"Also, might I suggest shortening it a bit?" Arthur asked. "Remember, the wordcount can't be more than 350."

To be honest, Lovino didn't really pay attention to the wordcount, but he still nodded his head. Perhaps he _would_ need to shorten it. He would do the wordcount as well.

"Did your previous teacher show you how do to it easily?" Arthur asked.

"No," Lovino said. "There's an easy way?"

"Well, it's more of an estimation than an actual wordcount… You count the words in the first line only. And then you count the number of lines, and multiply the two, though you might want to make a plan with those that are at the end of the paragraph. Skip one, or something like that. So, your wordcount is more an estimation of the average."

Lovino's eyes widened. Yes… it certainly sounded a lot easier. Definitely better than counting each and every word. And it seemed as though Mr Kirkland wasn't as strict about accuracy as his previous teacher.

It seemed to him that every time he spoke to Mr Kirkland, he found more and more reasons to like him. It was really strange. He was used to teachers not liking him, so he also kept his distance. But… He actually felt as though he could approach the Englishman.

When Lovino sat down, he started to read the first draft again, trying to see how he could improve it.

…

They had another Gym class before lunch, and Lovino was on the bleachers, reading the book given to him at book club. He only had about fifty pages left, and he had nothing better to do. Because there was no way he would be able to join the others for laps with his sprained ankle.

"You know, I never could get the appeal of that."

Lovino was startled, and he turned to see Mr Jones standing there, staring at the book.

"What do you mean?" Lovino asked.

"Books," Mr Jones explained. "I don't understand how anyone can enjoy reading them. Especially those that don't have pictures."

Lovino shrugged his shoulders, closing the book and placing it on his lap.

"It's a great escape," Lovino said. "If you really get into a book… then the rest of the world doesn't matter. You get to see another world. Or go somewhere else in this world."

"Wouldn't it be better to actually _go _there?" Mr Jones asked.

"Not everyone can afford to go wherever they want, whenever they want."

"Couldn't you just look at photos of those places?"

"And what about the places that came from the author's mind? Like Middle Earth? Or Narnia?"

"Then I guess I'd wait for the movie."

"But the movie leaves out a lot of important stuff! Take the _Harry Potter_ series for example. They completely skipped the part about his father being an animagus. Or the revelation that his father and his friends made that map in the first place! And that's _just_ the third one!"

Mr Jones chuckled.

"You know, you kind of remind me of Mr Kirkland," he said. "Except, he slipped in a few insults about me being lazy, lacking imagination, not appreciating how much work goes into a novel. Things like that. But… I think it's important to have something you like, you know? Doing the things that you like… That's the difference between living and surviving, isn't it?"

Lovino looked down at his lap and shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess…" he said.

"Anyway, there's actually another reason why I came to you," Mr Jones said. "You're going to have to do _some_ activities here, if you want a grade. So, after some thought, I think I have a solution. Are you free this afternoon?"

"Um, sure?"

"Great. I had to think carefully about your ankle and wrist, and I figured a big of tai chi wouldn't hurt. Of course, I'm no expert in it, so I'm going to ask Yao if he'd be willing to teach you. I'm sure he'd be glad to, since he's your friend and all."

"Yao?" Lovino repeated, looking over towards the Chinese boy.

"You'll be needing therapy soon, if I'm not mistaken. Um, physical therapy. I know tai chi is low impact, and it should be alright to do with your injuries. And I'm sure Yao would know how to adjust. It's just… I _need_ to give you a participation mark for the practical. Theory can only take you so far."

Lovino nodded his head. He was actually surprised about the offer of tai chi, but he wasn't exactly opposed to it. To be honest, it sounded… interesting.

…

"Mr Jones actually asked that?" Vlad asked.

During lunch, Lovino and Yao told the rest about Mr Jones's request. Lovino was flipping through the recipe book that Yao had lent to him, trying to decide which recipes he should work on first.

"It _does_ make sense," Heracles said. "I mean, he'll _need_ to have marks for Gym too. But he can't force him to do something his body can't handle. Because even after the recovery time, there's still the therapy time."

"Are _you two_ okay with it?" Gupta asked.

"I don't have a problem," Yao said. "Lovino?"

"I'll just have to make arrangements with my dad, but I don't think he's going to have a problem either," Lovino said. "By the way, how do _you_ know tai chi?"

"I was raised with it. My grandpa was actually a teacher, before he died. I kept with the practice because it makes me feel that he's still here, you know?"

"By the way, are you still okay for tomorrow at eleven?" Heracles asked.

"Si," Lovino replied. "I'll be there."

"Wow," Feliks said. "Like, your schedule is getting totally full."

"_You're_ still okay for this afternoon, right?" Vlad asked.

"Totally."

"So, looks like I'll wait for you two to finish with the tai chi then," Miguel said.

"You're free to join too, you know?" Yao huffed.

Miguel's hand immediately found its way to the scarf around his throat. While it was okay during Gym class – Lovino was on the bleachers the whole time, and Miguel could keep a comfortable distance – he didn't feel so sure about Lovino seeing the bruises around his throat.

"I'm okay," he said. "Really."

"Do you have a cold or something?" Lovino asked. "First that shirt yesterday, and now that scarf…"

"Sim, I think I'm coming down with something. Don't worry about it, okay?"

The others exchanged a look, knowing the real reason for Miguel covering his throat, but respecting his desire to not inform Lovino.

**The bridge and the river are references to another 'deleted scene', so to speak. What would have happened is that Lovino would have gone to the bridge and jumped. He would be washed away by the river, and end up being washed ashore, where he would wake up, still alive. Feeling the unfairness of it all, he started making his way home, and then it would rain. When he got home, his father would have yelled at him for getting home late and for being caught in the rain, since the rain would also hide Lovino's jump into the river. This would have sent him even deeper into despair.**

**The story also signifies that Lovino is still bothered by the trauma he went through, and even though there's a bit of hope, he's still not confident that he'll be free. He at least acknowledged that his bullies would never be getting away with any of that again.**

**My language teachers actually suggested the estimation wordcount. And if you have like 400 words to write, you're not going to waste your time by counting every single word. I also had one teacher who said that you can't get more than ten words in a line. Right… Tell that to my 17-word average. I think my record is about 23 words. Let's just say, I was **_**so**_** glad when they stopped saying 'write x lines about…'. No. That is **_**hell**_** for someone with a small handwriting. To give you an idea about my handwriting… I can use a single line of Irish margins. And the top of the letters doesn't even reach the top of the space. Writing on a blackboard is not in the cards for me.**

**Also, let's take a moment to appreciate the irony of spending Freedom Day in lockdown.**


	46. Chapter 46

**Thanks to O, , WickedInk, LemonHerz, Senii, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 46**

Miguel waited patiently for Yao and Lovino to finish. Mr Jones was standing beside him, observing the two. Miguel noticed every time Lovino's foot seemed to bother him. Yao seemed to notice as well, for he would always work to adjust everything for Lovino's sake.

"Why aren't you joining them?" Mr Jones suddenly asked.

"I can't," Miguel replied. "That would mean taking off this scarf."

"Is it really so bad if it comes off?"

"Sim…"

"…You know, if something's bothering you, you can always discuss things with a teacher, right?"

Miguel was silent for a moment. Perhaps it _would_ be good to get an adult's opinion.

"I found out that my cousin is one of the people responsible for bullying Lovino," Miguel admitted. "I went to confront him about it, and… well, at least now I know that Lovino wasn't lying. Not that I believed it for even a second."

"He attacked you?" Mr Jones asked.

Miguel nodded.

"I don't want Lovino to see these," he said. "I'm afraid I might have overstepped some boundary. I'm also scared that he might blame himself for this. I'm worried that he might think that he's the reason I got hurt. And I don't want him to feel like that."

Mr Jones gave him a soft smile, before ruffling his hair.

"You're a good kid, Miguel," he said. "Still, you probably shouldn't be so reckless. Did your cousin at least get punished?"

Miguel nodded.

"He's grounded," he said.

"Sounds pretty lenient after everything he's put Lovino through," Mr Jones commented.

"Wait until my grandmother hears about this."

"She one of those typical Spanish grandmas?"

Miguel nodded.

"Not to mention, the entire family already voiced their disgust over what's been done to Lovino," Miguel said. "If they find out that Antonio's one of the people responsible… Let's just say that 'black sheep' doesn't even _begin_ to cover it."

Mr Jones chuckled, before he looked over towards Yao and Lovino. Miguel noticed that Lovino was leaning a bit too heavily on his right leg, and he looked as though every movement was painful. Yao immediately stopped, starting to fuss over Lovino. Mr Jones walked closer, Miguel following at a distance.

"Okay, I think that's enough for today," Mr Jones said. "Lovino, are you okay? Do you need some ice or something?"

"I'm fine," Lovino replied. "Just a bit sore, that's all."

"Still, we should probably head to the nurse's office to see if she can give you something, okay?"

Lovino still looked a bit resistant, but after seeing the worried looks of the other three, he grudgingly nodded his head, allowing Mr Jones to lead him away.

"I'm sorry if I pushed you too hard," Yao said.

"It's… not your fault," Lovino said.

Miguel placed his hand on Yao's shoulder, prompting the other to turn to him.

"He's used to hiding his pain," Miguel said. "He must have unconsciously done it again. Come on. We can't do anything else now. We can check in on him later, though."

Yao sighed, nodding his head. Grabbing their things, they started to leave before they both came to a realisation.

"Do _you_ have his cell phone number?" Yao asked.

"No," Miguel said. "Do you?"

They both stared at each other for a long time before they started to make their way to the nurse's office.

…

"Well, your arm is a bit swollen, though I can't do much with this thing on," the nurse said. "But I _can_ help you with the ankle."

Lovino nodded as the nurse set to work. He was surprised to hear that the school nurse was the wife of his Literature teacher. Alice Kirkland seemed to be a nice enough woman, though she had a definite no-nonsense air about her.

"You should have known that this was a bad idea," she reprimanded, turning to Alfred, who raised his hands in surrender.

"Sorry, but he'll need marks for my class," he said.

"Six weeks," she snapped. "That's generally how long you have to wait before you attempt physical exercise after a sprain or break. And he has _both_ of them. I'm going to assume it hasn't been six weeks yet?"

"N-no," Lovino stammered. "Um, it's been two."

Alice clicked her tongue, before throwing Alfred a glare. For his part, he looked suitably ashamed.

"You can wait for four weeks before you can start with exercises," she said. "Until then, you'll need to take it _very_ slowly. We don't need this to get even worse. In fact, I'll even write you a note to exempt you from Gym class until then. You may use that time for study hall."

Lovino nodded his head. The three of them looked up when someone else entered the nurse's office. Miguel and Yao stood there, looking sheepish.

"You know, we wanted to check in on you later, but then we realised that neither of us has your number," Miguel said. "So, do you mind…?"

"No!" Lovino snapped, vehemently shaking his head. "I'm _not_ giving my number to _anyone_."

"Huh?" Yao and Miguel questioned.

"Why?" Alfred asked.

"Because…" Lovino started, remembering all of the words told to him. Words that had been written on notes and passed on to him. And the one time Feliciano had made the mistake of giving his number to someone else. It wasn't even one of _those_ three, but… It was a definite reminder that Lovino wasn't well-liked. "I don't… want to… to…"

"Oh!" Miguel exclaimed, eyes widening. "You're afraid of cyber bullying, aren't you?"

Lovino nodded his head. Miguel strode forward and reached out to Lovino. The Italian flinched, but the Portuguese softly stroked his left arm.

"I understand," he said. "Could we at least have your house number? You know, just to check on you if necessary?"

"By the way, are you okay?" Yao asked. "I'm sorry if I pushed you too far. But you should have told me."

Lovino shrugged.

"I didn't want to interrupt you," he said. "And I… didn't want you to think I was being lazy or not trying."

"Where would you get an idea like that?" Miguel demanded. "Lovino, if something's hurting you, you _need_ to tell us, okay? We won't be able to know if something's wrong with you if you don't _tell_ us."

"Agreed," Alice said. "You need to be careful, alright? And no one's going to blame you if you tell them that something is painful for you."

Lovino was a bit shocked to hear all of this. Not even his father had been this sympathetic when he originally got out of the hospital after the accident. When the casts came off, he would often complain if Lovino couldn't keep up when going somewhere. He would complain about Lovino's clumsiness, which, while mostly brought on by that condition it turned out he had, was also because of the broken arm still needing to recover.

Lovino didn't know why, but his eyes started to sting, and before he could respond, the tears started to fall. He wasn't too surprised that Miguel pulled him into a hug, and he clung to the Portuguese.

"Let me guess," Miguel gently said. "They convinced you that you were being a nuisance, right?"

Lovino nodded his head, and his breath hitched when he felt Miguel stroking his back. He was starting to understand what Gupta and the others meant when they said that Miguel was the one that they went to for emotional problems.

"…It's getting late," Alfred suddenly said. "Lovino, why don't I drive you back?"

"H-huh?" Lovino asked. "You… You don't have to do that. It's a long drive."

"I've made dinner plans with my brother anyway. So what if I get there a bit early? And I don't think you want to get on the bus like that, right?"

Lovino swallowed thickly, before releasing a shaky breath.

"G-grazie," he whispered.

"Do you have painkillers?" Alice asked.

"I-in my backpack."

"I think you need to drink some of it right away. Is it anti-inflammatory?"

Lovino nodded his head.

"Alright," Alice said. "I'll get you some water, okay?"

Yao handed him his backpack, and Lovino rifled around for the packet he kept with him in case of emergencies. His father had ensured that it would be a small pack that wouldn't be enough to make another attempt.

He gratefully accepted the water and drank two of the pills. Yao gave him his phone, asking for the home number, which Lovino typed in. If he felt that things were growing bitter between them, then he could always tell his brothers and father to not give him the phone if one of them called. Once that was done, Yao beamed in joy.

"I'll call later tonight to hear if you're okay," Yao said. "Um, it's a bit awkward, but… I think we need to go too."

"I can drop you two off too," Alfred offered.

"You don't have to do that," Miguel quickly interjected. "We don't want to inconvenience you."

Alfred sighed.

"You know, I can see why you guys get along so well," he said. "I'm offering. So accept it."

Miguel and Yao shared a glance, and Lovino couldn't help but smirk.

…

Vlad led Feliks into his home, smiling happily. Feliks took a moment to admire the building. It was small, and there was a small lack of… something, but Feliks didn't know what it was.

"I know it's not very impressive," Vlad said. "But it's home."

"Like, it's cute," Feliks quickly said.

Feliks's ears perked when he heard running footsteps, and soon enough…

It… was a miniature version of Vlad.

"You're back!" the mini-Vlad said, before his eyes drifted to Feliks. His head cocked to the side. "Who's this?"

"This is Feliks," Vlad explained. "He's new at the school, and we've got a project together." He turned to Feliks. "This is my little brother, Alexandru. Feel free to just call him Alex."

Feliks nodded, before he smiled at the younger boy.

"Like, nice to meet you," he said.

"You talk funny," Alexandru said, giggling. "Vlad, can you make lunch?"

Vlad nodded his head, before he made his way to the kitchen. Feliks, not knowing what else to do, followed after him.

"Like, where are your parents?" Feliks asked.

"They won't be back until later," Vlad explained. "Much later, actually. Are you sure you'll be able to catch a bus?"

"Like, if I need to, I can totally call my mom. So… Alex was waiting for you to come to fix lunch?"

Vlad nodded his head.

"He's not very confident in the kitchen yet," Vlad explained. "And my mom doesn't trust him in here yet. Not without supervision. Not even to make a sandwich."

Feliks winced, and he noticed that Vlad was indeed making sandwiches. He picked up the jar of peanut butter before turning to Feliks.

"Want some?" he asked.

"Like, I'm allergic to peanuts," Feliks explained. "Like, you can just put some cheese on mine."

Vlad nodded his head, proceeding to make the sandwiches. He handed Feliks's to him, clearly trying to avoid accidentally handing Feliks a sandwich that would be tantamount to poison. Feliks gratefully accepted the sandwich before Vlad went off to find Alexandru, both his and his brother's sandwiches in his hands. Feliks followed, balancing the plate with one hand while biting into the sandwich with the other. He wondered what kind of cheese this was.

After giving Alexandru's plate to him, Vlad beckoned him to his own bedroom. Feliks admired it for a moment, seeing the black paper bats on the closet door.

"Alright," Vlad said. "We need to make a poster about bullying. Any suggestions?"

"Like, what about the things it can do to a person?" Feliks suggested. "Like, self-harm, for example? And how it could totally ruin a person's life?"

"We could also add a bit about substance abuse and suicide. We could also mention that bullying might also potentially lead to a school shooting. And what about different types of bullying?"

"Like, I can give you a screenshot of my Facebook account," Feliks said. "What the people in my old school – um, like, the school before I met Lovino – used to send me. I… I don't really log in anymore."

Vlad shot him a sympathetic look, before he shook his head.

"I don't think we should go so far," he said. "Um… We can add verbal bullying and cyber bullying. Did they hurt you physically?"

"Like, it's _nothing_ compared to what they did to Lovino," Feliks scoffed. "The worst they did was shove me around, actually. What about you?"

Vlad shrugged.

"Well, there was this one time when someone tried to 'stake' me," he said. "He watched a vampire movie and learned from that that it's the best way to get rid of vampires. It was a thick stick, which was thankfully blunt. He could have done serious damage. But he jabbed it a few times while pinning me down. The teacher thankfully pulled him off me, but I had a huge bruise for a few weeks."

Feliks cringed when he heard that.

"Like, that's horrible," he said. "Does it still happen?"

Vlad shook his head.

"Not since I've met Miguel and Yao," he said. "The fact that I wasn't alone anymore made things easier."

Feliks smiled, before his eyes widened.

"Like, we should also add a part about _why_ people get bullied," he said.

Vlad smiled and nodded.

"That might help," he said. "Expand on the whole 'people who are different tend to get bullied'. See if we can get in the psychology of it all."

With a more concrete idea, the two started to make their list.

…

Yao and Miguel had asked Mr Jones to drop them off at Miguel's house, since Miguel didn't have any siblings that tended to get annoying whenever he had guests.

As they went up to Miguel's room, Yao couldn't help but think about Lovino. He should have noticed that his movements weren't coming easily, even in his case. He should have paid attention to Lovino's facial expressions instead of his body movements. And he should have stopped them sooner.

"You're feeling guilty about Lovino, aren't you?" Miguel asked.

Yao snapped out of his thoughts, before he smiled to his friend.

"You know me too well," he said. "Yes. I should have realised that something was wrong sooner."

"Like I said, he's used to hiding his pain," Miguel said, face hardening. "You saw him. He… They _convinced_ him that he should keep all of that to himself. That he's… he's being a nuisance."

"Well, technically, he didn't say that. But… Yeah, I got that hint too."

The two walked into Miguel's room. Miguel went to get the supplies he'd bought the previous day. Everything they needed for their poster. Except pictures. For that, they could always use Miguel's laptop.

"I think we should mention that too," Yao commented. "You know, how bullying can cause people to stop speaking up if something is wrong with them. That they're… afraid to ask for help, even if it has nothing to do with what the bullies do."

"I agree," Miguel said. "I just wish the people at his old school could realise the danger he was in. That they put him in."

"Seriously, how could anyone be so blind? Lovino's a nice guy, and he's been through a lot. I think he might have even been through more than the rest of us combined."

"Well, no one tried to kill any of us. Come on. Let's get this over with."

…

"Here," Lovino said.

Alfred nodded his head, stopping the car in the driveway. Lovino grabbed his bag, being very careful about the injured limbs.

"You need help?" Alfred asked.

"I'll be fine," Lovino said. "Thank you. Send Dr Matthew my regards."

Alfred smiled, and Lovino climbed out of the car. He limped up to the front door, which opened to receive him. His father frowned in concern, before his gaze drifted behind Lovino. Lovino turned back to see that Alfred was following after him.

"Dad, this is Mr Jones," Lovino explained. "My Gym teacher."

"Hey," Alfred greeted when he reached them. "Sorry about this. I just needed to get him a grade for my class, so I started with some low-impact exercises that _might_ have been too early. But he's been exempted from my class for the next four weeks, so I can promise you that this isn't going to happen again."

Romulus just looked between the two and sighed.

"Thank you for bringing him," Romulus said. "Would you like some coffee? I know it was a long trip."

Alfred checked his watch, before nodding his head.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm meeting up with my brother later, but I could kill some time. And it's no problem. I'm the one to blame for Lovino being hurt this time."

Lovino looked between the two adults and sighed.

"I'm going to rest a bit," he said. "I'm a bit woozy from the pills."

"Just don't… Romulus started.

"Fall asleep. I know."

Lovino went up to his bedroom – slowly. When he stepped inside, he saw that Chiara was lying in her basket, eyes open. Her rear end vibrated as her tail wagged, happy to see him. She pulled herself forward before finally realising that she couldn't reach him like this and launched herself out of her basket, going over to greet him. He bent down and played with her a bit with his left hand, before scooping her up and depositing her on his bed.

He removed his shoes, as well as the bandage around his left ankle. He lay down, and was surprised when Chiara went over towards his injured ankle and started licking the foot. He stared at the puppy, wondering if she realised that it was hurting him at that moment, and if she was trying to soothe the pain. He smiled as he reached out for his book.

"Where have you been when I was growing up?" he asked.

**In Lovino's narration, a lot of the times it switches between calling a teacher (or Matthew) by their names and titles. This is to show that Lovino is forming a connection with the teachers. In his old school, the only teacher that got this treatment was Vash, who was the only one, asides from the librarian, to try to help Lovino.**


	47. Chapter 47

**Thanks to WickedInk, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, Lovemuffin01 and three anons for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 47**

Romulus looked over towards Lovino and smiled.

"Nervous?" he asked.

Lovino's fingers stopped drumming as he turned towards his father, before looking towards the road ahead of them.

"I think so," Lovino said. "I… I'm scared that I'll mess things up. And I make them mad. And they'll hate me. And I'll…"

"Lovino, you shouldn't worry about that," Romulus said. "And I doubt you'll do something that would upset them. You're just working on a project, right?"

"Yeah, but… What if they think I'm being lazy? What if they get impatient? What if…?"

"What if you enjoy it? Lovino, I understand why you're scared. But I'll be there too, so if things go south, you should just tell me and we'll leave. I heard they have a mall with an excellent bookstore. In fact, no matter how things go, I'll take you there. Okay?"

Lovino's mouth twitched a bit. Going to a bookstore was nice, especially one he'd never been to before. It was a bit sad, actually. They were ten minutes away, and he'd never gone to that mall before. He'd never gone with his father and brothers there before. And he'd never taken a public bus to go there. He hadn't wanted to go anywhere he couldn't walk. He hadn't wanted to feel trapped. His experiences with his former school's bus contributed to that feeling.

"It'll be fine," Romulus said. "Just be yourself, alright?"

Lovino was startled by those words. He… He couldn't remember his father ever telling him to be himself. That was something he reserved for his brothers, but Lovino was always told to be like them.

His hands trembled, and Romulus reached out to him, his other hand still on the wheel.

"Is something wrong?" Romulus asked.

"That… was the first time you told me to be myself," Lovino said.

"…I'm so sorry," Romulus whispered. "I know I should have told you that before. I should have… I should have realised what kind of person you really are."

Lovino pursed his lips, before looking out the window again. He didn't know how to deal with this. And so, he decided to do what he normally did: he was hiding. He couldn't physically hide, but he could retreat into the recesses of his mind.

…

"Welcome," Heracles's mother greeted, before she turned to Lovino. "You must be Lovino. I'm Helena."

"I'm Romulus," Romulus introduced, placing a dazzling smile on his face.

Lovino arched an eyebrow at his father, but he greeted Heracles's mother nonetheless. Heracles came up behind his mother, and he smiled when he saw Lovino.

"You made it," Heracles said. "Come on, I'll show you to my room."

Lovino followed after Heracles, while Romulus and Helena went to the living room. Lovino stepped into Heracles's room, immediately examining the interior. It was a bit… cluttered. His eyes trailed towards the bookshelf, which was probably the only thing in the room that appeared to be permanently well-kept.

"Gupta's not here yet," Heracles said, noticing Lovino's gaze. "You're welcome to check there, if you want."

Lovino jolted at those words, and he looked between Heracles and the bookshelf again.

"Are you sure?" Lovino asked.

"Of course," Heracles said. "Go ahead."

Lovino hesitated for a bit longer, before he made his way towards the bookshelf. He saw books that he'd read, books that he'd heard about but hadn't had a chance to read yet, and then…

Lovino examined the books by an author he'd never heard about. Someone named Celeste Black. He turned to Heracles and raised the book he held in his hand.

"What can you tell me about this?" he asked.

"You've never heard of her?" Heracles asked. "She mostly writes fantasy novels, but she also deconstructs a lot of it. She also combines it with other genres, which she also deconstructs. You're welcome to borrow those books, if you're interested."

Lovino frowned, before he turned to read the summary of the book he held. He had to admit, it sounded interesting, and he was curious to see how these deconstructions would work.

"Are you sure?" Lovino asked.

"Of course," Heracles said. "I offered, didn't I?"

Lovino still hesitated, but he looked towards the door when he heard footsteps approaching. A moment later, Gupta came into sight.

"Sorry I'm late," he said. "I see you found Heracles's bookshelf."

Lovino blushed and placed the book aside.

"Before we begin, would you like snacks and drinks?" Heracles asked.

"I wouldn't mind," Gupta said. "Lovino?"

Lovino could say nothing, but nodded his head. Heracles left the room, and Lovino and Gupta were alone.

"You can relax," Gupta said. "I'm going to assume that you're not used to being invited to someone's house?"

Lovino jerkily nodded his head, before he sat down on the floor. Gupta sat down in front of him.

"Lovino, don't worry about it," Gupta said. "I know that you still have a long way to go, but we'll be there for you. Just like we were there for everyone else. You're not the only one in our group that went through this, Lovino. We know. And even though you had it a _lot_ worse than the rest of us, you're not alone. And we _won't_ abandon you."

Lovino looked away, tears stinging his eyes.

"It's only a matter of time before you decide I'm not worth it," Lovino said. "Like everyone else."

"No," Gupta said. "It's not _you_ who was unworthy. It's _them_. So, whatever it is they told you, forget about it. They're not important. So, please. Try to ignore everything that's happened in the past, and try to live for your future."

Lovino pursed his lips. It was easy for Gupta to say. Gupta had probably placed a lot of thought into his future. Meanwhile, Lovino had never considered the thought that he would have a future. That was something he always thought belonged to other people, and never to him.

"He's right."

Lovino jumped at the voice, and he turned to the door to see Heracles standing there with a tray filled with snacks. He crouched down and placed the tray on the ground, before sitting down as well.

"Lovino, whatever happened in the past, it's over now," Heracles said. "And if you don't see a future for yourself… Well, let's start simple. What do you enjoy doing?"

"Reading," Lovino said. "Anything else… I don't have any talents or anything. Nothing that really stands out. I'm…"

"Stop right there," Gupta said. "No matter what you're about to say, we disagree. So, you say you don't have any talents? And no passions? Tell me, what are the things you've actually _tried_?"

Lovino was silent. It reminded him of a conversation he had with Feliciano. Where his twin had basically told him the same thing.

"Next week we'll be going to the theatre," Heracles said. "And I think we should see if we can arrange for something to do every week. Oh right, I know what we can do in two weeks' time."

Lovino arched an eyebrow, curious to know what Heracles was about to suggest.

"You asked me about Celeste Black," Heracles explained. "She's actually from the area, and in two weeks' time will be launching her new novel. She'll also be there to sign copies of the new book. What do you say about that?"

Lovino's eyes widened. That _did_ sound like it would be fun. He'd never been to a book signing before. And he had to admit that the idea of meeting an author sounded interesting. Lovino glanced back to the book he put aside. Perhaps, if he wanted to meet this author, it would be prudent to actually start reading this author's works.

"I know," Gupta said. "Lovino, how many stories have you tried writing?"

"What?" Lovino asked. "Why would you ask something like that?"

"You have a passion for literature," Heracles explained. "If you enjoy reading, why don't you try writing?"

"Why does everyone keep going back to that?"

It was strange. Everyone seemed to keep suggesting that he write something, usually as a form of therapy.

"Maybe it's a sign?" Gutpa suggested. "Tell you what? Why don't I give you a set of writing exercises, and you try one of them every day? If you go through the list, and you don't like it, then you won't have to try that again. Unless you want to."

"Why don't we start with something now?" Heracles asked. "Lovino, do you think you could write a few paragraphs about how your bullying made you feel? Not just as writing practice, but for the project? Maybe, if you can write your thoughts down… Well, perhaps it can help us with the project. The effects of bullying is one of the topics, right?"

"It's not a bad idea…" Gupta mused. "But we should also make things easier on Lovino. Why don't you try writing each paragraph as a different person? Change the tone you use, and if you can, change your handwriting. Make it sound as though we got different people's testimonies. Use it to focus on different aspects. This is both for you _and_ the project."

Lovino flinched, but if that was something that he could do for the project… Well, why not? And if he altered his handwriting and tried to write it in different ways every time, then perhaps he wouldn't feel so uncomfortable doing something like that.

"I'll try," Lovino said.

"Just try," Gupta said. "If you feel uncomfortable afterwards, then we don't have to add it. But at the very least get it off your chest."

Lovino nodded his head. Heracles handed him a pen and a paper pad and Lovino started writing.

…

"Is everyone set?" Marcello asked, looking around at his friends.

They'd arranged to go see a movie, and they had just bought their snacks. Everyone nodded their heads, before going in to the theatre.

While waiting for the movie to start, Camille turned to Marcello.

"So, how's Lovino doing?" she asked.

The others turned towards Marcello, curious as well. The Italian ran his hand through his hair as he sighed.

"He's doing better," he said. "He's working on a project today with friends."

"Oh, so he already managed to make friends?" Lili asked.

"Si. It helps that the school arranged for Lovino to get someone to help him before he officially started attending. And he also introduced us to his friends."

"But there's still something bothering you, isn't there?" Henri observed.

Marcello nodded his head.

"Turns out, one of his new friends is Antonio's cousin," he said.

"And you think that he might get hurt because of that," Camille said. "So, what does it make _me_, as Francis's sister?"

"_You_ at least don't have a _strong_ resemblance to him," Marcello said. "Lovino said that Miguel looks like Antonio with slightly longer hair. His biggest problem is that he can't look at Miguel without seeing Antonio. But he says that Miguel is at least nice."

"But something still bothers you about it," Lili stated.

"Well, until I actually _meet_ Miguel, I can't help but worry. And I mean, Antonio and the others _appeared_ to be nice, until I saw them around Lovino. Actually _saw_ them. What if Miguel's the same? I'm just worried about my big brother, you know?"

"It's understandable," Camille sighed. "Your father sent a picture of Lovino in the hospital bed, and showed it to Francis. He's still a bit in denial, but that picture really scared him."

"So, are you saying that he feels guilty?"

"On some level, perhaps. But I don't think he's going to apologise to Lovino, if that's what you're wondering. I don't think his pride would let him."

"Not that I would let them get anywhere near Lovino. After all the damage they'd done… No matter how sorry they are, they're only going to make things worse if Lovino sees them. He's _scared_. My dad said that he saw one of them the other day, and he completely freaked out. I think it was Francis, since my dad said you were with him, Camille."

"I think I might have seen your father the other day. So, Lovino was with him?"

"That's right."

"You say that you're going to keep worrying until you actually meet Antonio's cousin," Henri said. "Why don't you? I'm sure you can find a way to arrange a meeting with him. You could see if you could borrow Lovino's phone and get his number."

"Problem is, Lovino doesn't like the whole number exchange thing, and I completely understand _why_. He has these books where he wrote down the things said to him, and if those are the things they told him to his _face_… I don't want to see what they would say if they're hiding behind a screen. But two of them _did_ call him late yesterday afternoon while I was taking a bath. They called the house. Lovino hurt himself after school and they wanted to check on him."

"Is he okay?" Lili asked.

"Si, he's fine. He was supposed to do these low-impact exercises if he wanted to get a grade for PE. He was banned for the next four weeks. The teacher's nice. Turns out, he's the therapist's brother."

"Small world," Henri mused.

The lights of the theatre dimmed, and their conversation was brought to a halt. Marcello wondered if he _could_ meet Miguel. He'd already met the others. Perhaps he should make arrangements with Feliciano, and they could meet him together. He knew that Feliciano was also worried about the whole situation.

…

"This is a nice house," Romulus said as he observed the living room.

"Thank you," Helena said as she stirred her tea. "So, Heracles tells me that Lovino had a bad time at his old school?"

Romulus sighed, smile falling as he nodded.

"That's right," he said. "He was bullied _very_ badly, and no one believed him. Not even me. It took an attempted suicide and a trip to the hospital to show me that I was wrong about my son."

"I remember that Heracles had also gotten a fair bit of trouble because he struggled to stay awake as a child," Helena said. "Narcolepsy, you see? Once he started taking medication for it, it went better."

"Oh, I see. Lovino has chorea, but it was only recently diagnosed. He and his mother were actually on their way to the hospital to get it tested before the accident that killed my wife. She and Lovino were very close, and I neglected to give him any help after her death. Just one of my failures as a father."

"I assume that you were a bit too consumed by grief. I was the same when Heracles's father died. For a while, Heracles was the one taking care of _me_. It wasn't until the school called me to say that he collapsed due to exhaustion that I started taking care of _him_ again."

"If you don't mind me asking, when did your husband die?"

"Five years ago. Yesterday was the anniversary, to be honest."

"Sorry to hear that. My wife passed away ten years ago. The anniversary was two weeks ago, also a Friday. It was the day after Lovino's suicide attempt."

"That's horrible," Helena whispered. "I guess… the emotional stress got to him, didn't it? I noticed he was walking with a limp. What happened?"

"He sprained his ankle when he tried to run away from the bullies. And a few days before he went to the hospital, they actually broke his wrist. They also beat him up before, well…"

Helena clicked her tongue in disgust.

"I hope those children didn't get away with that," she said.

"Their parents are aware of what happened and have taken over. One of them even said that if his son ever bothered Lovino again, I'm more than welcome to call the police."

"Good."

…

The third time Lovino had to restart a sentence, he knew that something was wrong. He looked down at his left hand, which was trembling a bit. He sighed and put the pen down, before crossing his arms.

"Is everything okay?" Heracles asked.

Lovino hesitated on whether or not to tell them about his condition. On the one hand, if they wanted to help him, then they should probably know. On the other, he didn't know if he trusted them enough yet. After all, his brothers only found out a few weeks ago, and before them the only one that knew was his mother.

Gupta frowned in suspicion.

"Lovino, are you having an attack right now?" he demanded.

The Italian jumped in surprise. How did…?

"Your brothers warned me about this," Gupta explained. "They asked me to take care of you. Well?"

Lovino stared at the Egyptian for a moment before he averted his gaze. He nodded his head in confirmation.

"From now on, warn us if you're having an attack or about to have an attack, alright?" Gupta demanded.

"So, what exactly are these attacks?" Heracles asked.

"Chorea," Lovino explained. "Involuntary muscle movement in my arms and legs. Mostly when I'm stressed, but sometimes happens randomly."

"Anything you can do to stop it?"

"The medication I got is supposed to suppress it. But if it happens, the only thing I can do is wait and try to relax. This is actually the first time since I got out of the hospital that it's happened."

"I see. Would you like some chamomile tea?"

Lovino nodded his head. Heracles stood up, but Gupta stopped him.

"I'll do it," Gupta said. "I think you have something to discuss."

Lovino watched as Gupta left the room, before turning to Heracles.

"I'm going to assume that you consider yourself 'broken' because you have some sort of condition," Heracles said. "You're not alone in that regard."

Heracles stood and went towards his dresser. He tossed a bottle towards Lovino, who clumsily caught it with his left hand. He examined the bottle to see that it was medication for narcolepsy.

"You can talk to any of us, and we won't judge you," Heracles said. "So, if you're having another attack, warn us, okay?"

Lovino nodded his head, a small smile on his face.

**Heracles's narcolepsy is an important plot element in another story I'm trying to work on, Dreamdrifter. And a bit of a headcanon.**

**I tried to come up with a fictional author. Deconstruction is also something I'm interested in. Anyway, that would play a role later. The name 'Celeste' came to mind because I recently acquired Celeste Ng's **_**Little Fires Everywhere**_**. Seriously, as soon as we found out that we can order books online we took the chance.**


	48. Chapter 48

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 48**

The rest of the week passed by relatively uneventfully. It was the next Saturday, and Lovino was preparing to go to the theatre with Feliks and his mother. The others would be meeting them there, but their seats were nowhere near theirs. So, they only had a chance to get together before and after the show.

Earlier in the week, Feliks had expressed his displeasure at spending so little time with Lovino now. The most time they had to themselves was on the bus ride back, which was about ten minutes. Not enough time, and with other people on the bus, Feliks still wasn't satisfied.

So Lovino started thinking about ways to spend more time with Feliks, just the two of them. It was a bit difficult during the week. Since Feliks joined the book club, his sessions with Dr Williams were moved from Tuesdays to Fridays. Mondays and Wednesdays were Lovino's days, and Feliks still had Thursdays, plus Lovino still had to catch up on CS on Thusdays.

Also, it was harder than he thought it would be to make toffee.

He looked up when someone gently knocked on the door.

"Come in," he said.

Romulus poked his head inside and smiled.

"You certainly look dashing," Romulus said. "Any idea when Feliks and his mother would be arriving?"

Lovino checked the time.

"Five minutes," he said. "The show itself doesn't start for another two hours, but it's going to take about half an hour to actually get there, and then we're going to have dinner before that. We're meeting the others there."

"Sounds like it's going to be fun," Romulus said. "Remember to take a sweater or a jacket, alright? I don't want you to catch a cold."

Lovino nodded, and he was left alone again. It was still a bit strange. His father giving him a compliment, and telling him to be careful of catching a cold. Something that was definitely parental. Something that was usually only reserved for his brothers.

His father was acting more fatherly towards him lately, and it was still extremely uncomfortable for him. After going without this treatment for so long, and having it suddenly introduced as perfectly normal, Lovino couldn't help but feel disoriented. To make matters worse, the treatment felt nice, which made all of the time spent without that treatment stand out. He knew exactly what it is that he'd been denied.

It was painful, yes, but he figured the greatest pain would be when it was suddenly denied again. When his father decided to lapse into his old ways. Would it be when his ankle and wrist were fine again? When his father didn't feel guilty anymore?

While he was still afraid that his father would return to the way he was before, he at least started to trust that Feliks and the others wouldn't abandon him. They were like him in many ways. They had been hurt by their peers as well. They were ostracised. Made outcasts. And they came together because of their similarities, respectful of each other's differences. And if one of them was troubled by something, the others would do their best to help.

Lovino had seen it clearly. Whenever he felt troubled, one of them would always seem to sense that he was down, and they would try to help him as much as they could. And when he needed space, they gave him the space that he needed.

It's been a long time since he had friends. So long in fact that he didn't know what to do. He allowed them to lead the way, and they seemed patient enough that they wouldn't get annoyed with him not taking a more active role in their friendship.

It felt nice to call them his friends, though he felt it was a bit too early to say it to their faces. He still felt a bit hesitant, and he didn't want to ruin his chances. He wanted the friendship he developed with the others to last.

"Lovino, Feliks is here!" Feliciano called from downstairs.

Lovino took a deep breath, before grabbing a hoodie. He quickly made his way downstairs, seeing that Feliks and his mother were waiting for him at the door.

"There you are," Felicja greeted. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"S-si," Lovino said. "H-how are you?"

Felicja smiled.

"Still as polite as always, I see," she said. "Well, are you ready to go?"

Lovino nodded, and he quickly said goodbye to his father and brothers. He followed the other two to Felicja's car, getting into the backseat. He was surprised to see Feliks sitting down beside him.

"I hope you don't mind," Feliks said. "Like, this would be easier to chat."

Lovino gave a small smile in response. Feliks was quite a clingy person. But it was the same clinginess that allowed him to go and watch the play. The same clinginess that… that was giving him a reason to carry on living.

…

"How long before they get here?" Eshe asked.

Gupta quickly sent a text to Feliks. He, Miguel and Vlad had travelled with his mother, while Heracles and Yao had gone with Helena. They were going to watch a play in the evening in another city. They needed chaperones.

Not that he minded too much, and neither did the others. That meant that they didn't have to pay for their own dinners, and Vlad and Yao especially had a problem with that. They also didn't have to pay for a bus ticket or anything.

Basically, it was just cheaper for them to have at least two of their mothers along. And Feliks's mother, of course.

Gupta turned his attention to his phone, where a reply had come from the Pole.

"They're looking for the theatre right now," Gupta said.

The restaurant was located in the same building as the theatre, probably for those that wanted to have a meal before or after a performance. It was actually a great dating destination.

"Do you think we could at least order our drinks?" Vlad asked.

"We should try ordering everything in one shot," Helena sighed. "We have a time limit, after all."

Three minutes later, Lovino, Feliks and Feliks's mother entered the restaurant. Lovino was the one who saw them first, and he led the other two towards their booth.

"Sorry we're late," Felicja said. "Have you been waiting long?"

"Not really," Helena said. "I'm Helena, by the way."

After brief introductions, everyone examined the menus. The waiter came by soon, and they ordered their drinks and food together. Gupta turned his attention to the poster on the opposite wall. It was an advertisement for one of the theatre's productions. It appeared to be a pantomime of _Jack and the Beanstalk_. His primary school had always taken them to watch the pantomimes, and he'd rather enjoyed them when he was younger. He didn't know if he would still find them interesting, though. Perhaps he should see if anyone would be willing to go with him.

"Are you interested?" Miguel whispered.

Gupta turned to his friend, whose eyes strayed to the pantomime poster as well. Gupta shrugged, though he kept his attention focused on Miguel. Perhaps he _did_ have someone that would be interested in watching it with him.

And then he got an idea.

"Lovino, have you ever watched one of those pantomimes before?" Gupta asked.

Lovino appeared confused, before he noticed the poster. He frowned as he cocked his head to the side.

"_Jack and the Beanstalk_?" he questioned. "Why exactly are you asking me that?"

"Have you _never_ watched one of those pantomimes?" Miguel asked.

Lovino just shook his head.

"There's something lacking in your education," Miguel said. "We're going to have to fix it."

"Like, what is it?" Feliks asked.

"The pantomimes are basically a retelling of a classical story," Vlad explained. "Mostly fairy tales. They're pretty funny, and… Well, I think that you need to see it for yourself."

"Are you planning to make another trip out of it?" Felicja asked.

"What do you think, Vino?" Feliks asked. "Want to watch?"

Lovino was silent, staring at the poster. Eventually, he shrugged.

"Might be interesting," he said. "I'm curious."

Gupta and Heracles both looked over to their mothers, who sighed at the gaze.

"I suppose this is what we get for having culturally-rich teenagers," Eshe said.

"It could be worse," Helena sighed.

"Personally, I'm glad about this," Felicja said. "I mean, it's nice to have an appreciation of the arts. I'm glad that Feliks has started to take an interest."

Feliks awkwardly cleared his throat.

"Still, you shouldn't feel as though we're pressuring you or anything," Yao said. "If you want, we can do something that _you_ like at some point."

"Da," Vlad said. "So, what _do_ you like?"

Feliks winced, before he looked at his mother, who smiled encouragingly.

"Like, I like playing chess," Feliks said. "I'm just not very good at it. Like, I know all the rules and everything, but… Like, strategy's not my thing."

"I'm pretty good at chess," Gupta said. "I can help you improve, if you'd like."

Feliks gave a small smile. Felicja leaned forward.

"Feliks, wasn't there a time when you wanted to be an actor?" she asked. "You were a member of the drama club for a while, right? Why did you stop?"

Feliks flinched, averting his gaze. Gupta frowned in concern.

"Something happened, didn't it?" Gupta asked.

Feliks nodded his head, but didn't elaborate. The others knew enough to know that it wouldn't be wise to press him. The look in his eyes was familiar to them all.

They were at least spared from further awkwardness by the arrival of their drinks. Their food arrived shortly afterwards.

While eating, Gupta couldn't help but think of the new revelations. Feliks didn't exactly strike him as someone that would enjoy chess, and to find out that he already had an interest in the theatre… Well, they'd only known each other for a short time, so there was still much to discover.

Things became… interesting.

…

Feliks watched, entranced, at the performance on the stage. The language usage was a bit difficult for him to wrap his mind around, but thanks to Lovino already giving him a summary of the play, he was able to follow it.

He could imagine falling in love with a person that wasn't right for him, and it managed to dig up old memories. About his time in the drama club, and how he fell in love with one of his fellow members. Someone that didn't share his attraction. And that someone told many people about what happened between them.

It wasn't just that Feliks had been rejected, but the circumstances of the rejection. He had been marked as a _freak_, and became a frequent target of others' hatred. The friends he had abandoned him, saying that they didn't want anything to do with a _freak_ like him. They didn't want others to see them the same way. And as he became more and more isolated, the attacks against him became worse, until it reached its climax.

His arms itched, and he gently rubbed them to stop the itching. He'd lost an interest in the things he loved, and he almost lost his life. All because he fell in love with the wrong person, like the characters in the play.

It was why he was so desperate for Lovino's company. None of the others knew about Feliks's sexuality, and he was afraid of telling them. Only Lovino knew, and Lovino had accepted him with no problem. In fact, Lovino didn't even treat it like something one had to think about. He didn't treat it like something that _needed_ to be accepted, just as something that _was_. Lovino didn't care. Which meant that he considered it to be a fact of life. Completely normal.

And that was what Feliks wanted. He just wanted that normalcy. And Lovino was the one that provided it. Feliks didn't want to lose that.

He didn't think that he was falling in love with Lovino, and in the off-chance that it _did_ happen, then he would have to squash it. After what happened the previous time, he wasn't going to take that chance again. He still had his own recovering to do. And Lovino was still getting used to the idea of having friends. Feliks didn't think that romance would be on his mind anytime soon.

But still, he couldn't help but feel a bit intimidated by the new group of teens. They had specifically been approached to help Lovino adjust to the new school, and he certainly had more in common with them than he had with Feliks. He was afraid that, sooner or later, Lovino would decide that Feliks wasn't worth it. That he would be better off with friends that he could relate with. Which was also why Feliks was trying so hard with the book club and the play…

Actually, he found the play to be enjoyable for him as well, and it made him realise how much he missed being on stage. Wearing gorgeous costumes. Stepping into the shoes of someone else, allowing him to leave his own problems behind.

Perhaps… he should see if he could join the school's drama club, if it had one. He hoped that they weren't already working on a production, otherwise it would be difficult for him to join.

Fortunately, the school principal was one of the chaperones for this outing. He could try asking her about it. And she seemed nice enough. He was sure that she would be more than willing to tell him more about it.

…

After the conclusion of the play, they had gone back to the restaurant to get ice-cream. They were mostly asking Feliks's opinion on the play, since he was still new to the classics, with explanations following where he admitted that he didn't understand.

The three adults were sitting further away from the teens, simply watching. They all had smiles on their faces, expressing the joy of parents who saw that their children were having fun.

"Honestly, I think that meeting Lovino is the best thing to ever happen to Feliks," Felicja said.

"Still, it must be hard on him," Eshe said. "He transferred to a new school three weeks after transferring to another. He must be disoriented."

Felicja nodded, glancing towards her son.

"It _has_ been tough," she said. "But he was also scared of staying at the other school. After seeing what happened to Lovino, and how much the school _allowed_ to happen… Feliks said that even the teachers seemed to hate Lovino. The way they spoke to him, the way they looked at him… Feliks was also scared that, with Lovino gone, he would be the new target. The school recognised him as Lovino's friend, and he even said that a few of the other students tried to get him away from Lovino."

"There's something wrong at that school," Eshe said. "I've reported them to the Department, but it might take a while before they respond."

"What's going to happen?" Helena asked.

"They're most likely going to launch an enquiry, and there's a good chance the principal would get suspended. If they find that there are violations of the code of conduct, then they're going to intervene and bring about their own changes, and when they're done, they're going to observe the school to see that the changes remain. Obviously, something like that is one of the greatest fears of any school."

"But it's necessary, right?" Felicja asked. "I mean… If it can prevent another child from suffering the way Lovino had suffered…"

"Yes," Eshe said. "It's completely necessary. The first priority of any school should be its students."

Felicja suddenly looked up, and the other two followed her gaze. Feliks stood there, though his gaze was fixed on Eshe.

"Um, Miss Hassan, c-could I speak to you, please?" Feliks asked.

Eshe frowned in concern, but nodded her head. The two walked a bit away for some privacy, and Eshe turned her full attention to Feliks.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"Um, not exactly," he said. "I just… Um, I want to get some more information on the drama club. Like, would they allow someone new to join so late?"

Eshe smiled in relief when she realised that nothing was wrong, and was pleased to hear that he was interested in joining another club.

"Why don't you ask Helena?" Eshe asked. "Not every club is led by a teacher. As long as they have some ties to the school, experts from outside are welcome to help with the clubs. Sports and culture are the main focus."

Feliks blinked in surprise, before turning his attention to Helena, who was watching them along with his own mother. Eshe smiled before leading him back.

"Helena, looks like you have a possible new recruit," Eshe explained.

Helena looked confused for a moment, before she seemed to remember the conversation from before the play. She turned to Feliks and smiled.

"I wanted to ask you about it earlier, but I suppose we all got side-tracked," she said. "Is it possible for you to come by on Monday? I'll have you read a text and see how you do. But a lot of it is mostly focused on skills development. We don't have a production in the foreseeable future. That comes later."

Feliks nodded his head, looking excited.

"I'm sorry," Felicja said. "I'm confused."

"Helena's the advisor for the school's drama club," Eshe explained.

"Oh, are you interested in returning to drama?" Felicja asked, turning to her son. "Feliks, I'm so happy to hear that!"

Feliks appeared a bit awkward, but nodded his head, smiling. The others seemed to catch wind of this and approached.

"That's great," Yao said. "Would you like some drama texts to read? I have a few."

"S-sure," Feliks said, looking around in bewilderment.

Eshe realised that he was the odd one out, but it seemed as though he was cautiously stepping onto common ground.

**I wanted to expand on Feliks's character a bit. In canon, he does play chess with Lithuania, though he's not very good at it. One doesn't need to be good at something to enjoy it. Though doing it with someone who's obviously better **_**can **_**lead to a bit of an inferiority complex over it, and could sometimes lead to people leaving something they like because they're not good. It helps if someone offers to help them improve, though it also depends on expectations vs results. If the one teaching you expects more than what you can give at that time, it **_**can**_** put you in that situation again where you want to quit, so finding balance is important. I also figured that he would be someone to enjoy drama, and the reason why it didn't come up before was because Feliks suffered a trauma that dampened that love as well. Being exposed to drama again made him regain that spark.**

**Both my primary school and high school had a few instances where they had someone from the outside help out, particularly with sport and culture. In my primary school, the rugby teams especially needed the help of outsiders because the number of male teachers who could possibly coach and the number of teams (or age groups) were out of balance, and so they would have a few coaches be fathers or husbands of the female teachers, and in high school I remember the chamber choir was led by the mother of one of the students. The main requirement is for the outside help to have at least some connection to the school.**

**I actually did drama in high school, though it wasn't like how it's portrayed on TV. When one of the English teachers retired, she started giving drama classes at her house (which was in walking distance from the high school). It was rare for us to actually perform a play (and we never performed for an audience), and mostly we worked on personal skills development – confidence, trust, and things like that. There were a few times when I would be the only person there.**

**The Janice Honeyman pantomimes were one of the highlights of my childhood. **_**Jack and the Beanstalk**_** was the first to come to mind. If you want an idea, go to YouTube and search 'Janice Honeyman pantomime'. You can't see the full shows, but the videos can at least help you understand the type of productions these are. What makes these pantomimes unique is that they give you a proper flavour of South Africa – slang words, mixing of languages, mannerisms, etc. The first few performances are mainly for schools, with the writer being in the audience and taking notes. The reason why they do this is because schoolchildren will be less critical of mistakes, and a lot more vocal if they don't like the play, so if things need to be tweaked, the schools serve as a great indicator of what those things should be.**

**And yeah, we made toffee during CS. And with it, toffee apples (or candy apples; we just refer to them as toffee apples in South Africa).**


	49. Chapter 49

**Thanks to Topanga, Cat on the table, a purehetalian, , Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love and two anons for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 49**

"And on that note," Arthur said, "I think we're finished."

They were at the book club meeting, and Lovino felt happy as he sat with the new book on his lap. He'd been meaning to read _Fahrenheit 451_ for a while now, and when Arthur handed him the book, he knew that he couldn't resist this opportunity.

Feliks groaned as he held his own book. It was the same one he had been given at the first meeting they'd attended.

"Like, I'm sorry I can't finish this book," Feliks said.

"It's alright," Arthur said. "This isn't your usual activity. We're just glad that you're willing to try, and that you chose to spend your time with us. Don't feel bad if you can't finish it at the same pace as the others. Read at your own. The most important thing is that you _enjoy_ it, and if you feel that you _have_ to finish it at a certain time, then you won't enjoy it."

Feliks smiled at the encouraging words. Mr Kirkland turned to face them all again.

"Now, have you all heard about Celeste Black's book signing this weekend?" he asked.

"Who?" Feliks asked, cocking his head to the side.

"She's a local author."

"We've already agreed that we'd be going there on Saturday," Gupta said.

"Well then, I recommend that you go as early as possible. You'd be surprised how many people actually attend these things." He turned to Lovino and Feliks. "What about you two? Will you be able to go? It starts at ten."

"I started reading her books, and I'll admit that I'm curious to meet the mind behind them," Lovino admitted. "It's just going to be hard. My youngest brother has a swimming gala to compete in this weekend, and I'm not exactly capable of getting to the bus stop on my own."

To emphasise his point, he indicated his left ankle.

"And, like, both my parents are working on Saturday, so they can't take me," Feliks said.

"Then perhaps I could make a suggestion," Gupta stated. "Maybe the two of you could spend the night with us on Friday, and we'll all go together on Saturday?"

"That's a great idea!" Vlad exclaimed. "We can all make a sleepover out of it! It'll be fun!"

"And _who_ is going to be the host?" Yao asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What about Miguel? He's got the biggest place out of all of us. There'll be plenty of room."

Lovino and Miguel instantly locked eyes. Lovino realised that both of them felt uncomfortable after the discovery of a common link between them, and while he had started to feel a bit more comfortable around Miguel, there was no telling what spending a night together in the same house might entail. Especially if there were any family photos featuring a certain cousin…

Miguel sighed and nodded.

"I'll check with my parents," he said. "But I don't think they'll have a problem with it."

"Then it seems I'll be meeting you all there," Arthur said.

…

The moment they stepped out of the clubroom, Miguel pulled Lovino aside.

"Do you think you're going to be alright?" Miguel asked.

"I-I'll be fine," Lovino said. "I mean… it's not like Antonio's going to pick that night to stop by, right?"

"Well, he's grounded, so spontaneous visits are out. His parents would at least call us to let us know otherwise, but if they hear that you'll be there, they'll back off."

Lovino still looked unsure, and Miguel couldn't blame him. They'd manage to extract a few more stories from Lovino, and what he told them wasn't pretty.

"It'll be alright," Miguel said. "But first, tell me how you are with horror movies."

Lovino looked puzzled, and Miguel grinned.

"It's tradition that if we have a sleepover, then we'll _definitely_ be watching a horror movie," Miguel explained. "If horror isn't your genre of choice, we'll also add a comedy into the mix."

"I'm okay," Lovino said, before he smiled. "Thanks."

"No problem. Just make sure everything's fine with your dad first, okay?"

Lovino nodded, before he joined Feliks. Miguel watched him go, and Yao stepped up beside him.

"You're working harder than any of us," Yao said.

"I have to," Miguel sighed. "My cousin's one of the reasons why he wanted to die. I mean, can you imagine how it must feel to want to kill yourself?"

Yao gave him a sorrowful look. Yao was of course the only one that Miguel had confided in after a particularly harsh bout of depression. Yao was the only one that knew that at one point, Miguel wanted to die. And there were no external factors that would indicate something like that. Miguel wasn't being bullied, and he didn't go through some type of trauma. He just… lost the will to live.

It was Yao that convinced him to confide in his parents, and one trip to the doctor later, Miguel was diagnosed with a type of bipolar disorder. He had to drink lithium to control it, and also some melatonin due to a deficiency, regardless of the amount of sleep he got. And he was advised to stay active to allow the endorphins to flow.

It was among the reasons why he felt so… protective of Lovino. Then there was also the guilt of association. Just being related to one of Lovino's bullies made Miguel feel as though he was responsible on some level.

"Do you need to talk?" Yao asked.

"No, I'll be fine," Miguel said. "Thank you."

Yao gave a small smile, and the two of them made their way to the school's entrance. The others had already left, and they had a test to study for the next day.

…

"A sleepover?" Romulus asked.

At dinner, with the usual asking-about-the-day, Lovino had revealed the discussion regarding the sleepover. He nodded his head, lowering his gaze.

"Si," he said. "There's a book signing on Saturday, and because it's going to be hard for Feliks and I to get there, the others suggested a sleepover."

"Ve, a sleepover!" Feliciano exclaimed. "Sounds fun."

"I don't even know what to _do_ at a sleepover," Lovino said. "Miguel said something about horror movies, but…"

The other three flinched when they realised that this would be Lovino's first sleepover. Marcello turned to his eldest brother, seeing that he felt bad about it being his first.

"Well, I'd suggest not taking any embarrassing pyjamas," Marcello said. "Oh, and whatever you do, don't be the first person to fall asleep unless everyone decides that it's time to go to bed."

"Okay…?" Lovino replied, and Marcello tried hard not to laugh at the confusion on his face.

"Ve, they tend to prank the person who falls asleep first," Feliciano said. "I once woke up with a new face. They decided to play with the marker."

Lovino looked alarmed when he heard that.

"What about your medication?" Romulus asked. "There's no way I'm giving you the entire bottle."

Lovino flinched when he heard that.

"What about those container thingies?" Marcello said. "The ones that you put your pills in, enough for each day? Maybe if he just takes what he needs…?"

"That might work," Romulus mused. "But Lovino, do you _want_ to go? That's the important part."

Lovino nervously shifted in his seat.

"I… I want to know what it's like," Lovino admitted. "I mean… All those sleepovers that Feli and Cello had… I was always… I wanted to…"

Marcello felt a pang in his heart when he realised that Lovino had wanted to be included all those times, but he was either not invited or felt unwelcome.

"Do you think I can come with you?" Feliciano asked. "I-if you're comfortable, I mean. But, if you want moral support…"

Lovino hesitated for a moment, before he nodded his head.

"S-si," he said. "I think… I would like to have someone I know better be there with me."

Marcello winced at the wording, but he could understand. Lovino was inexperienced, and he was terrified of making some sort of mistake, though Marcello couldn't think of what the mistake could possibly be.

"Alright," Romulus relented. "Just take care of each other, alright?"

The twins nodded their heads, but Marcello could tell what their father really meant: He wanted Feliciano to take care of Lovino.

…

The group sat together at lunch, as was their custom now. Inevitably, the conversation drifted towards their weekend plans.

"Is it alright with your parents?" Miguel asked, looking between Feliks and Lovino.

"Like, my parents are totally fine with it," Feliks said.

"My dad's fine too," Lovino said. "But Feliciano's going to come too."

"Really?" Heracles asked. "Your brother's coming?"

"S-si. Um… It's… my first sleepover and… I'm nervous, so… he offered to come with me. For moral support."

"Your _first_?" Vlad asked, jaw dropping.

Feliks winced. He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised, considering Lovino's past, but it was still painful to hear.

"Then I guess we're going to have to make it memorable, right?" Miguel asked.

"Ooh, we should totally do karaoke!" Feliks exclaimed.

"I think that can be arranged."

"You _do _realise that there's a purpose to our sleepover, right?" Gupta asked. "We have to be at the mall by ten. And considering the lines that tend to be at something like that…"

"The mall doesn't open until nine," Vlad pointed out. "Even Heracles can be up by eight, as long as we set our curfew at around… midnight?"

"Midnight then," Gupta sighed.

Feliks was looking forward to this for a variety of reasons. His father had called Dr Williams the previous evening to explain the new plans (and to reschedule), and the therapist had suggested that Feliks was ready to only see him once a week, so on Thursdays. That alone told him that he was making progress.

"Like, this is going to be so great!" Feliks exclaimed.

"By the way, you never _did_ tell us how it went on Monday," Heracles said.

All eyes were on Feliks, and he grinned.

"Like, I'm totally in!" he said. "Like, they're meeting today, and I can totally come too."

"That's good news," Yao said. "You get to do what you like again."

"I'll be there, too," Heracles said. "So you won't be going in alone."

Feliks beamed at the news.

…

"A sleepover?" Matthew repeated.

Lovino nodded his head, looking at the coffee table between them.

Matthew noticed that he tended to avert his gaze whenever he had exciting news for him. He realised that it was an indicator that Lovino was afraid of it. As though he didn't believe that anything like this should be happening to him, and he was afraid that it would all be taken from him again.

"Si," Lovino said. "There's a book signing, and the whole sleepover thing is to make sure that Feliks and I can go there."

"You don't sound very excited about it," Matthew observed. "Are you nervous?"

Lovino nodded.

"It's my first sleepover," he admitted. "I don't know what to do in situations like that. I… Feliciano's coming with me for support."

"I see," Matthew said. "And whose suggestion was it? Do you feel comfortable with it?"

"Feliciano asked if I want him to come to help me. And I said it's okay. So… I guess I shouldn't complain."

"But you're still nervous. You think that your new friends would prefer Feliciano over you."

Lovino nodded his head. Matthew smiled encouragingly.

"Lovino, it's fine to be nervous," he said. "Just remember if they choose your brother over you, then they're the ones in the wrong. It's also not a crime to be friendly with people who are friends of your relatives. So, I'd say the first challenge is to not let your fear of losing your new friends prevent you from enjoying the night. And it's a good thing that you invited Feliciano to come with you. It's a bridge you're building. You're reaching out to your brother, and accepting his efforts to reach out to you."

Lovino blushed, but a small smile graced his face. Matthew took that as a sign of triumph. The smile soon fell, however.

"It's also at Miguel's house," Lovino said. "I… I'm scared that there would be any reminders of Antonio. And…"

"Just keep in mind that there's no logical reason for you to worry," Matthew said. "They wouldn't allow your bully to be invited to the same place as you. You said yourself that Miguel is very considerate of you, right?"

Lovino nodded.

"There are times when he reminds me of Antonio," Lovino said. "But he's always there to comfort me if I need it. It's… weird."

Matthew knew that Lovino wasn't used to being comforted. But instead of fighting against this strange experience, he was patiently allowing it to happen. This showed real growth.

"You said that they gave you writing exercises, right?" Matthew asked.

Lovino nodded, before he removed a folded piece of paper from his pocket.

"I… I wanted someone to look at this," he said. "Yesterday's prompt was 'butterflies', and the only thing I could think of is this poem."

"A poem?" Matthew questioned, accepting the paper as he started to read.

_It's said that if a butterfly lands on you  
your wish you must whisper.  
It will fly up to heaven  
and for a lonely dreamer  
the wish would come true.  
But what of the butterfly?  
It can never continue its flight  
with the weight of your cry._

_It becomes burdened with  
a human's hopes for happiness.  
Butterflies have dreams as well,  
but they travel nonetheless  
to deliver the news of your dream.  
But some butterflies never fly  
that high, their path deterred  
and, for failing us, they cry._

"You wrote this yesterday?" Matthew asked, looking up at Lovino, who awkwardly nodded his head. "It's good."

"I-it's not finished," Lovino said. "I just… wanted someone's opinion."

"Well then, I hope you finish it soon. So, these writing exercises… How do you feel about it?"

"It's fun," Lovino said. "It gets my mind off things. And I kind of enjoy thinking of ways to make a story out of the ideas. Like, the other day I had the prompt 'lullaby'. And my mind just spun around with different ideas. I eventually wrote a story about a guy renting an apartment for very cheap, even if it's fancy. The only catch is that the people living in the apartment next to him has a baby that cries every night for one hour. He doesn't think much of it, and so he rents the place. But… I'm actually proud of how I phrased it. 'It was as though a choir of banshees collected in the room next door, and it was their first practice in years. And they had to have accordions and out-of-tune violins to conduct the music.'."

Matthew chuckled.

"That's quite a description," he said. "What happens next? Where does the lullaby come in?"

"Well, he goes a few days like that, with all the other people just saying that there's nothing to do about the baby, and he'll get used to it. So, one night he had enough, and he was about to confront his neighbours, but no one answers. The other tenants come because of the noise, and they tell him the door is unlocked. When he opens the door, he sees dried blood everywhere, and the baby still crying. He eventually finds the baby's crib, which is empty, and one moment it's clean, the next there's blood everywhere."

"I see. So the baby's a ghost."

"Yep. And in the end, he rocks the cradle and starts singing _Hush Little Baby_. And he notices that the crying isn't as loud as it was before."

"Just goes to show that an act of kindness goes a long way," Matthew said. "I'm eager to read that one too. Also, why don't you give some of these stories to your teacher to read?"

Lovino only shrugged in response, but Matthew could tell by the joyful look on his face that he was actually willing to try.

…

Feliciano's eyes darted around as he examined the psychiatrist's waiting room. So, this was where Lovino went twice a week?

It didn't _look_ bad, asides from the pamphlets and posters. Coping with trauma… depression… bullying… abuse recovery… It made Feliciano realise how lucky he was. And also how ignorant he was.

He acknowledged that he lived in a bubble, and that he couldn't imagine many of the things the posters and pamphlets described. And because he couldn't imagine it, he had been unable to see it. And it wasn't just with Lovino. He recently found out that Dimitri had been suffering from an eating disorder for a while. One of his friends had also been suffering, and he didn't realise. How many more?

He perked up when he saw his brother leaving the room, and he and his father stood up to greet Lovino.

"Are you ready to go?" Romulus asked.

Lovino nodded, and the three made their way out of the waiting room.

…

"This one's nice, don't you think?" Feliciano asked, holding up a set of summer pyjamas.

Lovino glanced towards it and scrunched his nose, before shaking his head.

"Nope," he flatly stated.

Feliciano had accompanied Lovino to his appointment so that Romulus could take the both of them shopping for appropriate pyjamas afterwards. A process that was harder than anticipated.

Lovino turned around and noticed a pair of pyjamas in camo-print. The fact that it was green was what originally attracted his attention, but for some reason, he felt drawn towards it. He hesitated for a while, before he took it. He jumped when he felt something on his shoulder, and turned to see Feliciano peering over it.

"Ve, that looks cool," Feliciano said. "Are you going to take it?"

Lovino hesitated for a moment longer, before nodding his head. Hopefully, no one would have a problem with this.

**The poem in this chapter is one I wrote years ago titled **_**Flight of Broken Butterflies.**_** I originally wanted to include the entire poem, but it took up too much place. Likewise, the story Lovino describes is one I wrote years ago for a competition but never submitted, titled **_**Hush Little Baby.**_** Yeah… I've been going through some of my old things.**

**And my sister's got a bit of a problem. This lockdown's got her in the mood for retail therapy, but the thing she wants most is to buy books. But she doesn't want to do it alone. The other day she managed to get R900 out of me to help with an order (I got the **_**Throne of Glass **_**books, which arrived today, so at least I get something out of it). And earlier she came to me to ask if there are any other books I want, and if I'd be willing to give her a loan. And to think, there was a time when I had to **_**pay **_**her to read books (R2 per chapter… thank goodness it wasn't **_**War and Peace**_**, which has 361 chapters). Feel free to calculate the currency.**

**When I was in late primary school/early high school, sleepovers were the party of choice, and everyone said I always had fun sleepovers. And horror movies were always on the agenda. My house actually had a means of making it scarier: Our TV room has two walls which are actually just windows (it used to be a porch which was rebuilt to become a room). And in those days, we didn't have a wall or fence or anything. And my friends admitted that it scared them a bit… The thought that anyone could just walk up to the room from the outside, and since our only barriers were glass… Yeah, this was the room where we watched horror movies in the dark. And my parents' bedroom was on the other side of the house.**

_**Fahrenheit 451 **_**is another book on my bookshelf which I still need to get to, but when I was in France, the school I was with went to see a play of the book, and I was allowed to go along too. It's a good story, and I can't wait to read the book.**

**I also have camo-print pyjamas. They're really comfortable. But in this story, it represents Lovino's desire to blend in. In the past, he acknowledged that he wouldn't become a part of the group, so he didn't care. But for the first time, he's connecting with people who he has a lot in common with, and so he's blending in. **


	50. Chapter 50

**Thanks to Tokutske and Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 50**

"So, how's it going to work with your bags?" Romulus asked.

This question was presented during breakfast on Friday. Lovino swallowed his mouthful before he answered.

"Feliks and I are going to leave our bags in Miss Hassan's office," he replied. "Then we're going to get them after school, and we'll be going with Miguel to his house immediately afterwards."

"It must be nice to be friends with the principal's son," Romulus said. "Feli, you'll be ready to leave after school, right?"

Feliciano nodded his head in reply.

After school, Romulus would pick up Feliciano and Marcello, and once Feliciano had his bag for the night, Romulus would take him to Miguel's house. Lovino had at least given him the address, but to _find_ the place…

Also, Romulus felt that he needed to bring something along. Something for Lovino's sake as well. He didn't want to give the impression that the only reason why he went was to drop off Feliciano. He needed to bring them something. A snack, perhaps? How many teenage boys would there be?

…Yeah, something they could eat would definitely be appreciated.

Romulus noticed Lovino trying to scratch his bandaged hand, and he grimaced.

"Just two more weeks," he said. "I'm guessing you're eager to remove that thing, huh?"

"It was easier when I did this myself," Lovino muttered.

Romulus winced, even though he knew that it wasn't directed at him. How could he forget? Lovino had tried to hide his injured wrist, and had tried to handle things himself, all because he couldn't trust Romulus with the truth about his injury. Because Romulus acknowledged that he would have scolded Lovino for something that wasn't his fault.

Still, there was no telling how much damage could have been sustained, and that made Romulus wonder…

"Hey, Lovino," he said. "There… there weren't any other broken bones that you didn't tell me about, right?"

Lovino looked towards him, and Romulus could see the hesitance in his gaze. He turned away.

"I think a few ribs," he admitted. "But that time I fell down the stairs I told you about."

"Did you really fall down the stairs?" Romulus asked. "Or did they push you?"

Lovino hesitated again, before swallowing thickly.

"They pushed me," he whispered.

There was still the reluctance to tell them about the injuries sustained, and how they were sustained. Still, there was _some_ progress.

"Has anyone at the new school been giving you any problems?" Romulus asked.

Lovino shook his head.

"No," he said. "No one."

The fact that Lovino didn't look at him made it hard for Romulus to tell whether or not he was lying.

…

After school, Lovino went to fetch his bag, along with Feliks and Gupta. The Egyptian didn't see the point in not taking his bag along as well, and why he couldn't go with them to Miguel's house. Miguel didn't mind either, and was also accompanying them.

Lovino was starting to see that there were perks with being the principal's son's friend.

"You okay?" Miguel asked, turning to Lovino, who was falling behind.

"Leg's just a little stiff," he replied.

Feliks and Gupta were also waiting for him now, and Lovino was a bit embarrassed over being the reason why they were being delayed. Still, he was touched by their consideration and patience.

They retrieved their bags in Miss Hassan's office, who smiled at them.

"Have fun, boys," she said.

"Thank you," Lovino said quietly. "Um, have a nice weekend, Miss Hassan."

Her smile widened, and Gupta pulled him away. Lovino hissed in pain, and Gupta turned to him.

"Sorry," he said.

"It's fine," Lovino whispered, his voice temporarily failing him.

"Do you want to see the nurse?" Gupta asked.

Lovino shook his head.

"I'll be fine," he said. "I just stepped a bit too hard now. It's not so bad."

"Are you sure?" Gupta asked.

Lovino nodded, and he was glad that Gupta left it at that.

Miguel's mother chose to park near the principal's office, and Lovino realised that he forgot to ask how _exactly_ Miguel and Antonio were related. Were their mothers sisters? Their fathers brothers? Brother and sister relationship?

The reason why he was suddenly wondering all of this was because he'd met Antonio's mother on several occasions. When he was small and he could still consider Antonio a friend, she was nice and warm towards him. When Antonio started bullying him – when Antonio made his parents believe that _Lovino_ was the one picking on _him_ – she had grown nasty and cold. Lovino was worried about Miguel's mother having a resemblance to Antonio's mother, which would remind him about his past.

She climbed out of the car, and Lovino was relieved to see that there wasn't really a resemblance. Her hair was darker, and her eyes were more of a bluish green. Her skin was also a shade or two paler. And she wore a warm, friendly expression on her face. Far from the cold looks that Antonio's mother would usually give him.

"Hello there," Miguel's mother greeted. "You must be Lovino and Feliks. My name's Isabel. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Lovino said.

"Like, totally!" Feliks said.

Isabel smiled, before beckoning the teens to get into her car. Miguel, naturally, had the front passenger seat, and the others climbed into the back. It only took a few minutes to get to Miguel's house, and Lovino was impressed by what he saw.

"Come on," Miguel said. "We'll take everything up to my room, and then we just need to wait for the others. They should be here soon."

"Would you boys like something to drink?" Isabel asked.

Miguel looked expectantly at the rest of them, but they only shook their heads. They continued up to Miguel's room, and Lovino had to pause at the sight.

Miguel's room was the opposite of Lovino's, which had barely a trace of personality. Miguel's room was pleasant. Among the decorations, he could see model boats, and there was even one in a bottle. On another wall was a large and old map of the world. Lovino wondered if Miguel had an interest in seafaring.

"Make yourselves at home," Miguel said, before he kicked off his shoes and sat cross-legged on top of his bed.

The others also kicked off their shoes, though Lovino was a bit more careful with his injured ankle. He caught Miguel staring with a frown.

"Is your ankle okay?" he asked.

"Just a bit sore," Lovino said.

"Are you sure?"

"Si, I just… need to rest it for a while."

"Like, that thing is _not_ getting better," Feliks said. "Like, should I call my dad and ask him about it? I mean, it's been, like, a month, right?"

Feliks had a point. Normally, if Lovino injured his ankle, it would take a week or two to feel better. But not this time. So Lovino nodded his head, before sitting on the bed, inspecting the ankle.

He stopped wearing a bandage, so it was easier to see. It looked a bit more swollen than it had that morning, and Lovino was worried about the possibility of injuring it even further.

Feliks was on the phone with his father, and after explaining the situation, he turned to Lovino.

"Like, my dad wants to know if you feel a sharp pain when you step," Feliks said. "Like, if it's more than just your ankle."

Lovino nodded, and Feliks repeated the response to his father. He nodded and said some sort of affirmation, before he turned to Lovino, his phone returning to his pocket.

"Like, my dad thinks that it might be a pinched nerve," Feliks explained. "He says that, since the area is injured and swollen, it can totally put pressure on the nerve. Like, he says the best thing to do at the moment is to rest and apply ice."

"I'll go get some," Miguel said, before he darted out of the room.

"When you first injured it, how long before you got treatment?" Gupta asked.

"About a week, I think," Lovino said.

"And did you stay off of it for that week?"

Lovino was silent, and Gupta sighed.

"I think you might have done more than just sprain your ankle during that time," he said.

"I know," Lovino said softly. "The doctor said that I damaged by ligaments too. I've been trying to stay off it, but… It's hard."

"What about crutches?"

"No, not with my broken wrist."

"We'll need to make a plan for you tomorrow, then. Standing in line isn't going to be easy."

Lovino winced, and Miguel arrived with a dishcloth wrapped around something that he assumed was cold. Yao and Heracles followed afterwards, having obviously arrived while they were discussing Lovino's ankle.

"Hey guys," Yao greeted, before turning to Lovino. "I hear you're still having problems with your ankle?"

Lovino nodded, and Yao sat down in front of him.

"If you want, I can show you a pressure point that's supposed to help for the ankle," Yao offered.

"Does that actually work?" Lovino asked.

"It's touch and go," Yao admitted. "Here's a pressure point right next to the bone. Try pressing it."

Yao gestured to a spot, and Lovino pressed it. He felt a bit ridiculous, but he didn't want to insult his new friend.

"Here," Miguel said, handing the compress to Lovino. "You should also warn me if you need a painkiller."

"It's alright," Lovino said. "Um… Thanks for worrying, though."

"It's no problem," Miguel said. "That's what friends are for, after all."

Lovino smiled. He felt a bit annoyed by their persistence, but another part of him enjoyed being worried about. He felt welcomed and cared for. And he didn't want to lose that again.

…

Feliciano checked the map on his phone, the box on his lap. He indicated that his father should turn right at the next block. Feliciano was a bit nervous, to be honest, and he wondered if this was how Lovino often felt. Feliciano was worried about being the odd one out. He _was_ a bit of an interloper, and he hoped that the others didn't feel intimidated or annoyed by his presence. But if this was how Lovino felt whenever Feliciano managed to drag him to an outing or something, then Feliciano owed it to Lovino to experience it as well.

"We're here," Feliciano announced.

Romulus nodded, before stopping at the house indicated.

"Keep an eye on your brother, okay?" Romulus requested as he took the box from Feliciano.

The younger Italian nodded his head as he handed over the box, before going to fetch his bag in the backseat. Romulus also removed something else from the backseat. The two made their way towards the front door together, and Romulus rang the bell.

A woman opened the door, and Feliciano placed a smile on his face. Her eyes focused on him before she smiled.

"You must be Lovino's brother," she said, before turning towards Romulus. "I'm Isabel."

"Romulus," Feliciano's father introduced.

The two adults shook hands, and Isabel turned towards Feliciano.

"The others are all in Miguel's room," he said. "Why don't you join them?"

Feliciano nodded his head, and Romulus raised the box.

"I brought something along," Romulus said. "I figured the boys would appreciate something like this. I also brought something for you and your husband, to thank you for hosting my son."

"It's no problem," Isabel said. "But come on, you need to get a coffee first. You came all this way, and it would be rude to just send you on your way."

"I appreciate it," Romulus said. "Feli, why don't you take this up to the others?"

Feliciano nodded, carefully taking the box. He made his way upstairs, before listening for the other boys, not knowing where Miguel's room might be. He was spared when someone poked his head out of one of the rooms, and Feliciano almost jumped out of his skin.

He could understand what Lovino meant regarding Miguel's resemblance to Antonio. The only real difference that Feliciano could immediately see was the fact that Miguel had longer hair than Antonio.

"You must be Feliciano," Miguel introduced. "I'm Miguel. It's nice to meet you."

Feliciano nodded his head. Even though he knew how similar in appearance Miguel and Antonio were, actually _seeing_ it…

"…I take it you're seeing Antonio now too," Miguel said. "To be fair, you and Lovino also look a lot alike."

Feliciano blushed when he realised what Miguel was implying.

"Sorry," he said. "Um, nice to meet you."

Miguel jerked his head, and Feliciano realised that it was most likely that room. He hurried over, and Miguel led him inside the room. When Feliciano crossed the threshold, he could see familiar faces, among them his brother.

"Ciao," he greeted. "Um, we brought something along."

He lifted the box, which Miguel thankfully took from him. Feliciano placed his bag with the others, and Miguel lifted the lid of the box.

"Cupcakes," he said. "Two for each of us. Thank you."

Feliciano shrugged. In truth, it was his father who got the cupcakes. Feliciano was just the one that delivered them to the others.

"Is padre still downstairs?" Lovino asked.

"Si," Feliciano said. "He's having coffee with Miss Isabel."

Lovino nodded, before standing up. The others all turned to him in concern, and that action alone made Feliciano feel concerned as well.

"Did something happen?" Feliciano asked.

"Just a pinched nerve," Lovino replied. "But I need to talk to him."

"Are you sure that you'll be able to manage alright?" Heracles asked.

"I'll be fine."

Feliciano recognised the signs of Lovino needing distance, but before he could warn the others, they all seemed to back up. They were giving him the distance that he needed, and they seemed to sense it instinctively. Feliciano was impressed by how close the group had gotten in such a short amount of time.

Lovino walked past Feliciano, and the younger twin watched after the elder. Lovino was walking with a limp again.

…

"So, Miguel tells me that Lovino was bullied by my nephew," Isabel said. "Might I just say that I apologise on behalf of my whole family?"

"It's not your fault," Romulus sighed. "As long as your nephew isn't going to pay you a visit within the next twenty-four hours."

"Don't worry about it. Tell me, how has it been for him?"

"It's been… difficult. I try to help him when I can, but I get the feeling that he still can't trust me. Well, ever since his mother died, I've done little to actually _deserve_ his trust. So, I'm grateful to your son and his friends. They helped him where I couldn't."

Isabel nodded.

"It's always difficult, having a loved one going through an ordeal and not knowing how to help them," she said. "That's why it's always good to have another source of support, right?"

He nodded his agreement, before taking a sip of his coffee. He heard heavy footsteps, and turned to see Lovino walking in, looking a bit uncertain.

"Hey Lovino," Romulus greeted. "Is something wrong?"

Lovino nodded.

"My ankle's been acting up lately," he said. "Do you think… we could see the doctor about it? What if… what if there's something wrong?"

To be honest, Romulus was relieved to hear that Lovino was only bothered by his ankle. He nodded his head.

"Sure," he said. "I'll talk to the doctor tomorrow, and we'll see what we can do, alright?"

"Grazie," Lovino muttered, still looking uncomfortable.

Romulus wondered if he overheard anything about his conversation with Isabel. If that was the case, then he wondered if Lovino realised that they were talking about him.

Lovino awkwardly nodded, before he started limping away again. Romulus sighed, before turning back to Isabel, who wore a frown on her face.

"He's still a bit uncomfortable around me," Romulus clarified. "But I'm worried about that limp."

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened?" Isabel asked.

"He twisted the ankle while running away from his bullies, and… the doctor told me a week later that it was hurt, and that the damage had extended to the knee."

"A week?"

"Si… We didn't learn about it until…"

"Until… he tried to commit suicide?"

Romulus flinched, but nodded his head.

"Miguel told us about that," Isabel said. "It was pretty recent, right?"

Romulus nodded again.

"Poor thing," she sighed. "Don't worry, I can guarantee that Miguel and his friends will make sure that he's not alone."

He smiled.

"I have no doubt about it," he said.

…

Miguel's bedroom was rather spacious, and he had a TV there as well, so the only reason why they would need to relocate to the living room later was to sleep. Miguel had a bunch of inflatable beanbag-like chairs, which they were currently working on inflating.

Lovino had been instructed to lie on the bed with a pillow propped underneath his ankle, the cold compress pressed against it. He had tried to protest, to which the others pointed out that he wouldn't be able to stand in line with them the next day if the ankle wasn't better. And so he was forced to lie on the bed.

Feliciano came to sit next to him, looking at the group as they busied themselves with the chairs.

"They really care about you," Feliciano muttered.

Lovino shrugged.

"I guess," he mumbled. "I'm still not… used to it."

Feliciano flinched.

"Right," he said. "Sorry about that. But they're really worried about you. Lovino, why didn't you say anything about your ankle giving problems again? I thought we agreed that you'd tell us if something's bothering you."

"Because it _wasn't_ bothering me more than usual," Lovino said. "I think I might have stepped wrong earlier. It's worse today."

"Anything else bothering you?"

Lovino shook his head.

"Alright," Miguel said, clapping his hands together. "The chairs are all finished. So, what do you want to do first?"

**It wasn't my intention that the injured ankle should take up so much time this chapter, but then it happened. After my own ankle injury, I suffer from frequent pinched nerves. They're often triggered by just stepping wrong, and when Gupta pulled Lovino away, that caused him to step in a way his leg didn't agree with. Rest, cold and massage are among the home remedies one should try, but if the problem persists then it's a good idea to see a doctor. Lovino's used to injuries healing faster (or feeling better faster), which is why he's so worried about it now. The week he spent in the hospital definitely affected his recovery, and prior injuries would also have an influence.**

**I also have one of the inflatable beanbag-like chairs… somewhere. It's easier just to have these instead of having beanbag chairs taking up space. And they're pretty comfortable.**

**Some of my physiotherapists have used acupuncture, so there's some support in using the pressure points for injuries. I've also used acupressure as a way to relieve pain, and a lot of the times it works for me. Headaches seem to be the exception, though. Pressure points don't work for my headaches.**


	51. Chapter 51

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, SparklyMagix and Dumb Dreamer for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 51**

Lovino couldn't believe that they were doing this. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend that this wasn't happening. He wanted to block his ears. But he was in a state of complete shock.

Feliks had demanded that they do karaoke. And since he was the one that was the most excited, he was allowed to go first.

Lovino didn't want to insult his friend, but Feliks wasn't allowed near a microphone.

He wasn't the only one who had a pained expression on his face. Everyone had a variation of it, along with a forced smile. Even if they didn't like Feliks's singing, they wouldn't tell him that he was a horrible singer. Lovino was already trying to think of nice things to say when Feliks inevitably asked what the others thought of his performance.

The entire thing seemed to be strange to Lovino in general. He couldn't imagine what the appeal would be to sing in front of other people. Especially if one had no talent for singing.

Finally, the song came to an end, and everyone gave half-hearted applause.

"Nice," Miguel said. "So, who's next?"

Vlad stepped forward, and when he was done, it was Feliciano's turn. Vlad wasn't the best singer, but he was still better than Feliks, and Feliciano was actually a joy to listen to. Lovino felt the same bubble of envy, before popping it. Singing wasn't one of his interests, so he shouldn't be bothered that Feliciano was a good singer.

"Very nice," Miguel complimented. "Any volunteers for the next round?"

Miguel was looking towards Yao, Gupta, Heracles and Lovino. Heracles looked as though he was about to fall asleep, Yao shook his head, and Gupta narrowed his eyes. After a few seconds, Miguel turned his attention to Lovino.

"What about you?" Miguel asked.

"Si!" Feliciano exclaimed. "Vino, why don't you go next?"

Lovino frantically shook his head, his hands raising in defence.

"N-no," he said. "I don't sing."

Gupta's face seemed to say that 'it doesn't stop _some_ people' while looking towards Feliks's direction. Miguel gave him a small smile.

"It's just for fun," he said. "Come on. No one's going to judge you."

"N-no," Lovino stammered. "I-I've never sung before."

"Now, _that's _a lie," Yao said. "Everyone sings at some point, even if it's just in the shower. You really _expect_ us to believe that you've _never_ sung at all?"

"Come on," Feliciano said. "Please?"

"Like, yeah!" Feliks exclaimed. "Now we're curious. _Please_?"

Lovino's eyes flickered between the other people in the room, and he realised that he didn't have a choice. He sighed, accepting the remote from Miguel. He scrolled through the list of songs, searching for something that he recognised. He didn't want to embarrass himself by singing a song when he didn't even know the melody.

He froze, seeing a song that he recognised, and he actually knew the lyrics. He selected the song and got into position, taking the mic that came with this setup.

"_I thought I saw you late last night_," Lovino sang, "_but it was just a flash of light. An angel passing. I remember yesterday. Life before you went away. And we were laughing. We had hope and now it's broken._"

Lovino lost himself in the song, and he found that he didn't care that he was making a fool of himself. This was one of the songs that he'd used as a coping mechanism at some point, specifically when thinking back to his mother's death.

"_And I could see it clearly once when you were here with me. And now, somehow, all that's left are pieces of a dream._"

As the last notes died and he sang the last lyrics, he remembered the situation he found himself in, and he turned to face the others. They were staring at him slack-jawed, and he wondered if he was really _that _horrible.

"Wow…" Feliciano whispered. "Fratello, that was amazing!"

"I told you that you were lying when you said that it's your first time singing," Yao said.

Lovino shook his head. Feliks walked closer, raising his phone. He showed that he recorded Lovino, and the Italian stared in amazement. It… wasn't bad, actually.

"You never realised, did you?" Miguel asked. "Lovino… Looks like we found a hidden talent of yours."

Lovino blushed. He wasn't faring well with all these compliments, and quickly went back to lie on the bed with his leg propped up. Well, it felt as though the ankle was better, at least.

After some convincing, Yao went next, then Gupta, followed by Heracles and finally Miguel. They were all decent, though only Miguel and Heracles showed signs of having been trained at some point. And then the cycle repeated. In the end, everyone sang three songs each, and when it was over, Lovino had to admit that he had fun.

Miguel's mother knocked on the door, and they all turned to face her.

"I was just about to order the pizza," Isabel said. "Would you boys like to study the menu?"

"Obrigado," Miguel said as he took the menu.

"You may each order a medium pizza," Isabel said. "Write everything down and bring it to me, alright?"

"Of course."

Isabel left, and Miguel handed the menu over to Feliks.

"I'm going to assume you've never heard of this restaurant," Miguel said. "So, feel free to look over it."

"Like, thanks," Feliks said as he went to sit down with Feliciano and Lovino.

The three perused the menu while the others gave their orders to Miguel. After a moment of examining the items on the menu, they each gave their choice. Miguel diligently wrote everything down, before going off to give the paper to his mother.

"Mulţumesc everyone," Vlad said.

"Huh?" Feliks asked. "Like, why are you thanking us?"

"Vlad's allergic to garlic," Yao explained. "He can't even stand to smell it, and if he actually eats it…"

"Rash and breathing problems," Vlad supplied. "The smell makes me nauseous. So I appreciate that no one ordered anything with garlic."

Lovino glanced towards Feliciano, and he had to hold in his laughter. His brother looked as though a small piece of him had just died. Considering the fact that all of his favourite recipes contained garlic (and that Feliciano loved to cook for other people), it was somewhat understandable. Feliciano might still try to change a person's mind if they merely disliked it, but even he had to acknowledge that there was nothing that could be done when the person in question was allergic.

Of course, that would have been good to know _before_ they ordered.

As for Lovino, he acknowledged that not everyone liked garlic, and the scent was strong to people that didn't eat it themselves. He kept everyone else in mind and steered clear of the garlic, not wanting to be isolated because he stank.

"So then, want to watch a movie?" Miguel asked.

"Totally!" Feliks exclaimed.

They decided to watch some comedy movie, but Lovino was only half-heartedly watching. This specific type of comedy wasn't for him. Miguel seemed to notice that Lovino was bored, and instead of being offended, he handed Lovino a book of poetry to read. Lovino understood that it was because he wouldn't get so invested, and he wouldn't feel frustrated at being interrupted with a story.

This was Miguel's way of telling him that he respected that Lovino wasn't interested, but they still wanted him involved. He wasn't going to be forced to participate in something that he didn't like (though the karaoke was something that they all had to take part in). But when they moved on to the next activity, then they wanted Lovino to be a part of it as well.

The pizza arrived at some point during the movie, and Lovino understood why Miguel chose the comedy instead of the horror. Tension would have been broken, and the horror would have lost its charm. At least the comedy didn't need to keep any tension intact.

Lovino put the book aside while eating, and when he was finished, he made his way to the bathroom. The main reason why he went was to wash his hands after the greasy pizza, but as he went, he realised that he _needed_ to go.

On his way back, he stopped at a picture frame. Something caught his eye. It was a picture of Miguel and Antonio when they were small. They appeared to be playing in the sand, most likely at a beach. Lovino knew that Miguel wasn't too fond of his cousin, even before discovering the things he'd done to Lovino. But here… they were happy. There must have been a time when they _did_ get along.

Just like how Antonio and Lovino had called themselves friends at a time, though they were very young. Lovino couldn't even remember what had caused Antonio to become his tormentor. Snapping at him for poking him the whole time and calling him names shouldn't have been enough to elicit such a response.

He briefly wondered, not for the first time, what his life would have been like if Antonio _had_ remained his friend. Lovino might not have returned home with so many bruises, and his father might not have assumed that he was a delinquent. But he quickly shook off the thought. It didn't matter, and considering the person that Antonio turned out to be, he didn't want a friend like that anyway.

He continued on his way back to the others.

…

Feliks wasn't very happy at this moment.

He hated horror movies, and the fact that this was a movie where one didn't exactly _see_ the killer…

He kept waiting for jump scares, though they never came. And the anticipation was killing him. And he just realised that it was the wrong thing to think.

The only one that seemed to be as uncomfortable as him was Feliciano, who was clinging to Lovino. Lovino had actually leaned forward to properly watch the movie, which he hadn't done with the earlier one. And Feliks knew that Lovino was _enjoying_ this movie.

He felt very relieved when it was finally over.

"It's getting pretty late," Miguel said, looking at his watch. "Shall we go downstairs now?"

The group grabbed their pillows, while Miguel went to retrieve a few blankets. They made their way downstairs, where a bunch of mattresses had already been laid out.

"Did your parents do this?" Lovino asked.

Miguel nodded. The task was now to choose a place for each of them. Feliks got a spot next to Lovino, with Feliciano on the other side. And Heracles was on Feliks's other side.

They watched one more movie – another comedy, thankfully – before going to sleep. Feliks tried to calm himself, but then Heracles's arm wrapped around him, and he could sense that Heracles was already fast asleep. The others had explained Heracles's narcolepsy – and what exactly that was – so it didn't surprise Feliks that Heracles was already asleep. But he realised, too late, that he should have gotten a place at the edge.

But still, this felt… nice. Heracles was pretty muscular, but not overly so. And Feliks fit snugly against his body. It made him long for something he doubted that he would ever have.

Tears fell from his eyes, and he hated himself for being so emotional. He thought about what happened at his old school, and the people that surrounded him were nice. He didn't want them to find out, and he didn't want them to react in the same way his old schoolmates reacted. And he didn't want to get so comfortable that his body betrayed him.

Heracles moved even closer, and Feliks couldn't take it anymore. He yelped and leapt out of the makeshift bed, probably startling everyone with the sudden shifting of the blankets. He ran towards the bathroom, trying to calm himself and trying to wash the tears away.

While splashing his face, he heard a knock on the door, even though it was left open. He turned to see Heracles standing there.

"Are you okay?" Heracles asked.

"Tak," Feliks said. "I just… needed a moment."

Heracles's eyes drifted downwards, and Feliks realised that he had pulled up the sleeves of his pyjamas, revealing the scars on his arms. He quickly pulled them down, hoping that Heracles wouldn't ask about it.

"We know Lovino's story," Heracles said. "But we don't know yours. So, do you mind sharing?"

"I c-can't," Feliks stammered.

"You don't have to be scared. I think asides from murder, none of us would hate you for anything."

Feliks pursed his lips. Heracles appeared so sincere. He _wanted_ to trust him…

Then again, Lovino didn't care when Feliks revealed his bombshell. Perhaps… they would be the same.

"I was bullied at my old school for being gay," Feliks said quietly. "The boy I liked told just about everyone. My friends all abandoned me, and I… I just wanted to…"

Heracles wrapped him in a hug, and Feliks was surprised, though grateful.

"It was a really nasty thing they did to you," Heracles said. "And you don't have to worry. None of us are bothered by that. Besides…" He leaned closer to whisper in Feliks's ear. "I go either way."

Feliks's eyes widened. Did… Was Heracles telling him that…?

"You're bi?" Feliks whispered as he pulled away.

Heracles smiled and nodded.

"I'm guessing that you're worried about something embarrassing happening if you sleep next to me," Heracles said. "Am I right?"

Feliks blushed and nodded his head.

"Then I guess that I should warn you about that too," Heracles said. "It's natural, though. And like I said, no one's going to hate you for that. But if you want to wait before telling the others, then it's fine too."

Feliks smiled. He had been afraid that their new friends would pull Lovino away, but Feliks could find that he had a fair deal in common with them too. And in different ways, he was included as well. He might not have been much of a reader, but there was more to a person than just one interest.

…

_It was their seventh-grade camping trip, and Lovino was left behind. He'd only stopped to tie his shoelaces, but no one had waited for him. Not that he'd expected anyone to. Not even Feliciano could be trusted to wait for him._

_He sighed as he followed after the others. To be honest, he didn't feel like doing the obstacle course, which was where they were hiking to. He'd rather go back to his cabin and read a book._

_He'd been looking down, being mindful of the uneven ground and the large rocks. When he looked up, he saw three familiar faces, and he froze. They'd realised that he'd fallen behind, and they decided to hang back as well._

_This wouldn't be good._

"_You're like a little turtle," Antonio said. "Too slow."_

_Lovino figured that Antonio was confusing 'turtle' with 'tortoise', but he wasn't going to point that out right now. He backed up when the other three started to move closer._

"_I don't think any of us want to do the obstacle course," Gilbert said. "So let's have our own fun…"_

…

Feliciano was woken by the sounds of whimpering and the feeling of thrashing. He turned around to his brother, noticing the scared look on his face, even though it was clear that he was asleep.

"D-don't," Lovino whimpered. "Please… h-help."

A few of the others noticed this as well, since Feliciano could tell that they were sitting up and looking in their direction.

"Is everything okay?" Yao asked, before yawning.

"I think he's having a nightmare," Feliciano said. "But… the pills are supposed to…"

Feliciano paused. Did Lovino actually drink the pills?

"This isn't good," Feliciano said. "We need to wake him up, and then we need to stop him from hurting himself."

"Are his nightmares really that bad?" Gupta asked.

"Like, the last time, he had a dream about the time those three jerks tried to kill him," Feliks said. "And he slammed his broken wrist."

The others seemed to get the message, for they moved closer to the twins. Miguel, Vlad and Heracles appeared to still be sleeping, and they were probably the deeper sleepers. Feliciano was a deep sleeper as well, though because he was sleeping right next to his brother, he was immediately able to realise that something was wrong.

"So, how should we do this?" Gupta asked.

Feliciano bit his lip. He wasn't in the habit of waking his brother from a nightmare, and he often left him asleep. The exception had been when he realised his brother had overdosed. There _was_ a last resort that he could try, but…

"Um, hold Lovino's legs and arms," Feliciano said. "I have an idea, but it might cause kicking and punching."

Even though he couldn't see it, he could sense that the others gave him odd looks, before doing as told. They remained careful of Lovino's injured wrist and ankle, though.

"Here we go," Feliciano muttered.

He pulled on the sensitive hair curl, and Lovino's eyes snapped open as he arched his back and yelped. Feliciano quickly let go and pinned Lovino's arm down, and it took his brother a moment to calm down and glare at him.

"What the hell?" Lovino demanded.

"Did you remember to drink your sleeping pill?" Feliciano asked.

It was dark, so Feliciano couldn't see very clearly, but he knew that his brother averted his eyes.

"I'll go drink it now," Lovino said. "You can let go of me now."

The others released him, and Lovino sat up and limped away. By now, the other three were awake as well. Miguel looked up at the ceiling.

"Hopefully that didn't wake my parents," he said.

"What happened?" Vlad slurred.

"Lovino had a nightmare," Gupta explained.

"Si," Feliciano said. "And if it's about something that happened in the past, then he tends to hurt himself."

He should probably go to check on his brother.

**The song Lovino sang is Anastacia's **_**Pieces of a dream**_**. I was originally going to let him sing **_**Everything burns**_**, which is one of my personal picks when feeling down, but when it came time to write, **_**Pieces**__**of a dream**_** kept playing through my mind. It's a nice enough song, and I can still remember the lyrics well, despite not listening to it for years, but… I have some bad memories with this song. When my grandmother was sick, I had a dream that explicitly told me that she was close to dying (signified as her standing in a queue with people who are waiting to die), and the song was playing in the background. I didn't hear that song at all until a few days later, in the morning. That night, my mother woke me because something was happening to my grandmother, and after arriving at the place where she was, we found out that she died. When driving back, the song played again. So I have a bit of a complicated relationship with this song.**

**My sister's boyfriend's mother is allergic to garlic, which I didn't think was a real thing until I heard about it. My family actually adores garlic, especially garlic bread. My mom actually got offended once when I was busy with preparations for a dish and asked if we had garlic. **_**Of course**_** we have garlic. Same with olive oil. It comes with the added bonus of ensuring social distancing. Especially with alfredo blue, which has both garlic and blue cheese.**

**Personally, I prefer psychological horror. Those that use (read: abuse) jump scares become a bit cheap. **

**Yeah, Feliks is a hormonal teenager surrounded by people he finds attractive. He's naturally worried about their reactions.**


	52. Chapter 52

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, natalka0895, MonalisaRomano17 and Scarlett83 for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 52**

"So, did you boys sleep well?" Isabel asked.

Everyone paused while eating breakfast. They all glanced towards Lovino, who kept his head down, cheeks red. Miguel turned to his mother and smiled.

"Sim," he said. "No problems."

Isabel smiled, before looking over all of the boys.

"Now, my husband and I will be taking you to the mall," she said. "Have you decided who's going with whom?"

Feliciano turned to Lovino and smiled.

"I think I should go with Vino," he said. "I still don't really know everyone here very well."

"That's right," Isabel said. "So, Feliciano, what made you decide to come along?"

"Lovino asked me to. He was nervous."

If possible, Lovino's cheeks turned redder. No one called him out on it. They realised that he was already tense after what happened the previous night. And that he probably expected everyone to ask him about what happened. What his nightmare had been about. But no one wanted to be the one to put Lovino on the spot. Instead, they decided that if Lovino wanted to tell them, then he would tell them in due time.

"Like, I would like to go with Vino too," Feliks said.

"And I think I would like to go with Feliks," Heracles announced.

Everyone turned to Heracles in surprise. They knew that Heracles had gone to speak with Feliks after the latter ran off while they were still settling down, but they had no idea what happened between them that would cause Heracles to want to go with Feliks.

The Pole blushed, before averting his gaze. Lovino arched an eyebrow, but he respected Feliks enough to not pry. Especially since no one had pried upon his own disturbance the previous night.

"That means the other group is Miguel, Yao, Vlad and Gupta," Isabel said. "Easy enough."

Half an hour later, the two groups were in the two cars. Lovino was seated in front, due to his injured wrist and ankle. Isabel was the one driving them, and she had a bright smile on her face as she drove.

"Did you at least have fun?" Isabel asked.

Lovino was startled by the question, but he nodded his head. Isabel beamed happily.

"I'm glad to hear that," she said. "You know, Miguel was so nervous. He said that it was your first sleepover, so he was obsessed with making it fun for you. He was also nervous about setting you off in any way. You know, since Antonio was one of the people that… I suppose that Miguel is still worried about all of it. He feels responsible in some way."

Lovino frowned. Miguel's mother was telling him more than he needed to know, but he couldn't understand why Miguel would feel responsible. They hadn't met until a few weeks ago, and Miguel had no way of knowing that his cousin was tormenting someone in another town.

"She's right," Heracles said. "Miguel was really worried that you might see one of the photos with his cousin and that it might trigger something."

"I knew they're related," Lovino said. "I guess it would have been worse if I _didn't_ know it. And at least I didn't see Antonio himself."

Isabel shot him a sympathetic look.

"He really hurt you, didn't he?" she asked.

Lovino could only nod his head.

…

"Like, I didn't think that it would be so crowded," Feliks said, staring at the line of people already there.

"You'd be surprised how popular literature can actually be," Miguel said, smiling.

It was still ten minutes before the store would open, and before the book launch and signing would commence. There was a line outside, but thankfully not _too _long yet.

"You need to tell us when you want to sit down, okay?" Feliciano said, directing his words to his brother.

"I'll be fine," Lovino said. "But I'll sit down if I need to."

"Ah, I see my favourite students are already here."

They turned to see Mr Kirkland coming along, along with his wife and who they assumed was his son. Feliks stared at the boy, who decided to hide behind his mother and was looking at them with curious blue eyes. Feliks looked up at the two adults, noting that both of them had green eyes.

"Oh, this is Peter," Mr Kirkland said, motioning to his son. "Peter, where are your manners? You've met Gupta, of course."

Peter's attention drifted to the Egyptian, and he nodded in greeting, before shrinking back farther behind his mother.

"Hi, Mr Kirkland," Lovino greeted. "Nurse Kirkland. Um, this is my brother, Feliciano."

Feliciano shook hands with the two adults, and they fell into line as well.

"Have you been waiting long?" Mr Kirkland asked.

"No, we only got here a little while ago," Miguel replied.

"How's that foot, Lovino?" Nurse Kirkland asked.

"It bothered me yesterday," Lovino said. "But it's better now. I think it was a pinched nerve or something."

"Why don't you sit down? It's going to be a while before the doors open, and we don't want your foot to get worse."

"But…"

"Nurse's orders."

Lovino looked helpless, but he sat down nonetheless. The others tried to hide their amused grins, with some being more successful than others.

They made small talk as they waited for the doors to open. Feliks nudged Lovino, and based on the crowd stirring in front, they realised that the doors were opening. Lovino hissed as he was jostled, and Feliks helped Lovino inside.

Lovino saw two of the store's employees standing on either side of a woman. Lovino recognised the woman from the photos on the back cover of the books. This was Celeste Black, the author they came to see.

"I would like to thank you all for coming," Celeste said. "I feel honoured that you choose to spend your valuable time with me. Please, feel free to take a copy of my latest novel, and I will gladly sign it. Signed copies receive a 25% discount."

And like that, everyone scrambled to get a copy, with a few exceptions. Lovino limped closer, wincing as he was jostled.

He blinked in surprise when a copy was raised in front of him, and he noticed that Vlad was the one holding it, while having another copy in his other hand. Lovino smiled as he accepted the book.

"Grazie," Lovino said.

"No problem," Vlad said, before he gently took Lovino by the arm and led him towards the line that formed in front of a table, where the author was already seated and several of the patrons were already waiting with their books.

The line inched along slowly, and Lovino found it harder and harder to stand still. Vlad turned back to check on him, and he seemed to notice that Lovino was having a hard time. Lovino jumped in surprise when he felt Vlad wrap an arm around him.

"You can lean on me, if you want," Vlad offered.

Lovino gave a small smile.

"Grazie," he muttered.

Vlad gave him a toothy grin, and Lovino found it was a lot easier to wait in line when the weight was lifted from his left foot. He didn't know where the others were, but he supposed that they had fallen into line as well after getting their copies.

He felt a tug on his sleeve, and he turned around to see Feliciano and Feliks standing there.

"The two of us are going to look around," Feliciano said. "Do you think you're going to be okay?"

"Si," Lovino said. "Have fun."

He realised that they weren't really interested in the book signing and didn't want them to be bored because of him. But he _was_ curious about what Feliks and Feliciano would get for themselves at a bookstore.

Eventually, there was only one other person in front of them, and Lovino was anxious for his turn to come. When the person in front of them was finished and walked away, Lovino and Vlad were face-to-face with Celeste Black, who blinked in confusion when she saw the two of them.

"My friend here has a sprained ankle that's been acting up," Vlad said, before he released Lovino and placed his copy of the book on the table.

"I see," Celeste said, smiling. "You're a good friend." She turned to Lovino. "And I'm glad that you came despite the discomfort. Now, what are your names?"

"I'm Vlad, and this is Lovino," Vlad introduced.

"Vlad and… Lovino? Interesting names."

Celeste signed Vlad's book, before handing it back to the Romanian. Lovino gave her his own book, but she hesitated before signing, frowning in confusion. She looked at Lovino as though she was studying some important question.

"You look like you have a story to tell," she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"It's in your eyes. Something happened to you, and you're haunted by it."

Lovino flinched. Was he really that obvious? Celeste smiled.

"Do you know what makes a good author?" she asked. "It's having a story to tell. And some of the best stories are born from pain. Have you ever considered becoming an author?"

"Everyone's been asking me that recently," Lovino said.

"Perhaps it's a sign? Why don't you give it a go?"

Lovino was unsure, but somehow, having a professional author recommend something like this made his heart flutter.

"He's not bad," Vlad said. "I've read some of his short stories. And he _loves_ reading. He's got an amazing collection."

"That's good to hear," Celeste said, before she started to sign Lovino's book. "A love of reading is one of the key ingredients to writing. So, I hope I read your stories soon."

Lovino accepted the book, and they moved aside. They took up too much time from the people behind them already.

"Do you want to go pay, or do you want to look around first?" Vlad asked.

"I guess we can look around a little bit," Lovino said.

Lovino checked the first page of the book, and saw that Celeste had written a message.

_Happy reading, and happy writing. Looking forward to seeing you on the bookshelves._

Beneath it was her signature, which only made this more special. Perhaps… he should give this some serious thought.

…

"Do you think Lovino would like this?"

Feliks turned to Feliciano, seeing that he was holding up a book titled _Literature Through the Ages_. Feliks grinned and nodded.

"Tak," he said. "I think he'll definitely like it."

"I hope so," Feliciano said. "I need to make up for lost time. And I want to treat my brother."

Feliks smiled softly.

"Like, you don't have to feel guilty," Feliks said. "I know that Lovino doesn't blame you or anything."

"But I _am_ guilty!" Feliciano insisted. "I should have been there when he needed me. I should have realised that something was wrong, and I should have helped him. It's because I didn't notice anything that Lovino suffered so much. And it's because I didn't make sure he drank his medicine that he had the nightmare last night."

Feliks frowned, recalling being awoken by Lovino's nightmare.

"Any idea what it could have been about?" he asked.

"I don't know," Feliciano sighed. "And that's what's worrying me. I can't think of what it might have been. In hindsight… There are a lot of times when Lovino got hurt, or something happened. I remember this one time on a camping trip that Lovino got lost and ended up falling down the side of the mountain. He got a lot of bruises and a few broken ribs, but there was also this huge gash on his leg. The teachers weren't happy that he wandered off, but they were pretty worried about him. He didn't want to go camping again after that."

Feliks frowned.

"You say he fell down the side of the mountain?" he asked. "Are… Are you sure that it wasn't… _them_? I mean, Lovino totally isn't that clumsy."

"I know," Feliciano said in a small voice. "He's smart. He wouldn't just fall down the side of the mountain in broad daylight."

"Yeah, that _does_ sound suspicious. But, like, he won't tell us if we pester him."

"Si, you're right. But in the meantime, I guess we should just show him that we're here for him."

Feliks nodded his head, before shifting his attention to the book that Feliciano was holding, and its brothers on the shelf. Perhaps he should get a copy for himself as well, if only so that he could get more up to speed. He picked up one of the books and read the back of it, trying to see what exactly it was about. Seeing that it might serve as a good source of education, he decided to take it.

Feliciano and Feliks continued to browse as they waited for the others. Eventually they saw Lovino and Vlad and joined the two, and soon they were joined by the others. After determining that they were all finished, they went to go pay. Feliks noticed that Feliciano kept the book meant for Lovino out of sight, and Feliks did the same to his. He felt that it should be his secret project.

"So, we going to get lunch after this?" Heracles asked.

Feliks was surprised to see that it was already such a time, and he eagerly nodded his head.

…

"It's so nice to have you come visit us," Bella said, looking up at her elder brother. "You should really do it more often."

Lars only grunted, and Henri nodded eagerly beside him.

They had gone to the mall in the neighbouring town. It was a lot bigger than the one they had at their own town, if that thing could even be called a mall.

They found their way to the food court, and Bella smiled as she examined the patrons of the various restaurants. They also needed to find a place to eat as well.

She paused when she saw a familiar face. Was that… Feliciano? And upon closer scrutiny, she could see someone else that resembled him.

"Looks like Feliciano and Marcello are here too," Bella said. "Do you want to go greet them, Henri?"

Henri followed his gaze, and he frowned.

"That's… not Marcello," he said. "That's Lovino."

She was startled, and she looked over there again. Upon closer inspection, the person she _thought_ was Marcello had darker hair.

"Are… Are you _sure_?" she asked.

"Marcello went to that swimming gala," Henri explained. "He told me that Feliciano and Lovino were spending the night with Lovino's friends."

Bella looked back towards the brothers, and she noticed that Feliks was there as well. She knew that Feliks had practically been joined with Lovino at the hip, and when he transferred schools, Feliks followed after him. She wanted to be mad at Lovino for forcing the poor boy to change schools so soon after arriving, but when she looked back at Lovino…

He had a smile on his face, and while it wasn't as bright as Feliciano's, Lovino looked as though he was enjoying himself, and she couldn't remember ever seeing him so… calm before.

"We _could_ go say hello, if you want," Lars said.

"N-no," Bella said weakly. "That's okay."

She knew all of the accusations that Feliciano had hurled towards Antonio and the others, and some of them seemed to be truly outrageous, but she was still wary. What if they _were_ true? And after seeing Lovino like this… It convinced her that he had truly been in pain at his old school. He had been in pain for a long time. And she couldn't believe how stupid she was for not noticing it before. The contrast between how Lovino had been and how he was now… It was as clear as the contrast between night and day.

"Well…" Henri said. "If you don't mind… _I_ would like to greet them."

Bella turned to her younger brother, a look of betrayal on her face. She didn't want to speak to Lovino. She didn't want to face the possibility… that she was _wrong_ about him.

Still, her brothers walked towards the Italian brothers, and she had no choice but to follow them. She couldn't think of a good excuse to escape this encounter.

"Lovino!" Henri called out when they were close enough. "Feliciano!"

The two brothers, along with their friends, turned to face them. Bella could see as the light in Lovino's eyes died when they landed on her. And she remembered that she hurt him too. They used to be friends, and she decided to listen to those three. She didn't even give him a chance to defend himself. She could clearly remember the hurt in his eyes. But she didn't recognise it for what it was back then.

"Hi Henri," Feliciano greeted. "Bella."

She could see that Feliciano was just as wary as Lovino. She remembered Feliciano's reluctance with allowing anyone near Lovino. And she was saddened by the fact that the normally happy Feliciano was looking so worried.

"H-hi," Bella greeted. "Um, it's nice to see you again, Lovino. H-how are you doing?"

Lovino shrugged, and it looked as though he wanted to be anywhere but there. That was when she saw the person sitting near Lovino.

"Antonio?" she asked.

"I'm his cousin," the other teen said. "So, you're Bella? Lovino told us a bit about you. He said that you used to be friends, but then my cousin and his idiotic friends convinced you that Lovino was only your friend because he expects you to go out with him. That he feels _entitled_ to it. And you believed them."

Bella flinched. That was about the gist of things. For a long time, she had been angry at Lovino. She felt humiliated. But after hearing some of the accusations against Antonio and the others, she started to wonder about the whole ordeal.

"I'm… sorry," she said. "I was a fool. I hope you can forgive me."

He looked at her then, and she was shocked to see the tears hidden there. How long had he kept them in? And why didn't she notice them before?

**I may not have a **_**Literature Through the Ages**_**, but I do have DK's **_**The Literature Book**_**, which is a good summary of the literary canon.**

**I wanted to have Bella mistake Lovino for one of his brothers in order to show how much happier he actually is now. If someone who's known Lovino for **_**years**_** could see the contrast… I also wanted to add a bit of history. Lovino did try to make other friends, but the trio sabotaged them in some way. Just like they tried to do with Feliks.**

**The camping trip that Feliciano is referring to is the same one as the nightmare from the previous chapter.**

**And before any theories or confusion, the reason why Peter has blue eyes while his parents both have green is simply due to a gene on Alice's side of the family. Imagine that 2PNyoEngland is her sister.**

**The children of teachers tend to know each other. Believe me. Beginning and end of year functions, meetings, parents' nights… We got to spend a **_**lot**_** of time with each other.**


	53. Chapter 53

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, Praise's waterfall, , Scarlett83 and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 53**

A few weeks had passed since the sleepover, and Lovino was now in CS class. The following day would be their practical, and he was excited to be making meringues.

He'd been coming after school on Thursdays – the same day as their class's formal practical – in order to make up the credit. For the most part, it was written activities, but the previous week he had to make flapjacks. Since his right hand was still out of commission, he had to take things slowly.

And it was about the next day's session that he needed to speak to Ms Tazi about.

After the bell rang and all the other students were filing out, Lovino lingered behind, with Yao waiting for him at the door.

"Ms Tazi?" Lovino prompted.

"Yes, Lovino?" she responded, smiling warmly.

He knew that she was fluent in French, but she was kind enough to refrain from slipping into that language whenever he was around.

"I can't come to our extra lesson tomorrow," he said, before lifting his right arm. "I'm getting this thing off."

She smiled warmly when he told her that.

"That's great to hear," she said. "Don't worry, I completely understand. Now, hurry along to your next class."

Lovino returned her smile, before going as quickly as he could to meet Yao. His ankle had been doing a lot better lately, and as long as he didn't step on it strangely, then there was no pain at all.

Still, he needed to be careful of the occasional jolt.

…

"You're getting that splint removed tomorrow," Matthew said. "How do you feel about it?"

"I just want it to be over with," Lovino sighed. "And I'd _really_ love to scratch this thing when it itches."

Matthew chuckled in amusement.

"I see," he said. "And how's your ankle?"

"It's okay, as long as I don't step weird," Lovino said. "One of my friends gave me tai chi practices to work on it."

"That's good. You're probably going to have to get some physical therapy for it anyway. So, how's it going at school? Are you keeping up with your classes?"

"Si. The teachers are a lot more patient than at my old school. They also come to check on me during the lessons, making sure that I understand what's going on, and some of them have given me extra work to make sure that I'm on the same level, since I switched schools and all, and since the two schools use different textbooks."

"I see. So, they're at least making an effort with you. And… I'm sorry, I've been curious about it for a while now, but… are you still hurting yourself?"

Lovino winced, before averting his gaze.

"I… I think about it sometimes," he admitted. "Old habits. But… My dad took away my knife. I didn't like the fact that he went through my things, but… I… I accept that he only did it because he was worried about me."

Matthew smiled.

"So, things are better now between the two of you?" he asked.

Lovino nodded.

"There are still times when the both of us are a bit uncomfortable about something," Lovino admitted. "But we're getting better."

"That's good to hear," Matthew said. "So, what have you been doing whenever you feel the urge to cut? Reading?"

Lovino blushed, averting his gaze again.

"I… I've been writing," he admitted. "Short stories and poems, mostly. I… I actually enjoy doing it."

Matthew smiled.

"I knew you would," Matthew said. "Writing offers you an opportunity to express yourself. To say what you want to say when you can't say it. Does it make sense?"

Lovino nodded his head.

"I can see it," he said. "Um… I-I was thinking about… writing a novel. You know… based on my experiences. I think… it might be my way of going through all the trauma."

Matthew smiled softly.

"If you think it would help, then go for it," he said. "Just be careful that you don't do more than you're ready for, okay?"

Lovino nodded.

"Okay," he said.

…

The following afternoon Lovino got out of the bus with Feliks in tow. Feliks had decided to come with Lovino to the hospital as moral support, even though they were just removing the brace – or whatever the thing on his arm was technically called. It was actually just an excuse to spend more time together.

Lovino had the container with the leftover meringues under his left arm. He and Feliks had been enjoying some of it on the bus, but they had to cease in order to allow Lovino's family members to enjoy them as well. And Feliks wanted to take one or two for both of his parents.

The door opened, and Romulus smiled when he saw the two teens. Feliciano came up behind his father.

"Ooh, are those the meringues?" Feliciano asked.

"Si," Lovino said, before he handed the large container to Feliciano. "Could you take it to the kitchen? Oh, and Feliks wants to take some for his parents."

"Of course! I'll go see if I can get a smaller one."

"Alright then," Romulus said. "Once this is finished, are you ready to go?"

Lovino was about to answer, but he was interrupted by the sound of an excited puppy. He smiled as he knelt down to pet Chiara, who came to greet him, her backside practically vibrating as her tail wagged.

"Like, she's gotten pretty big," Feliks said.

"Not really," Lovino said as he allowed the puppy to kiss him.

Feliks also played with Chiara while they waited for Feliciano to return with the meringues. The younger twin smiled as he saw the scene.

"Ve, she's really happy to see her daddy's home," Feliciano said.

"But not for long," Romulus said. "Come on. We need to get going."

It was with some reluctance that Lovino left his puppy behind. Well, at least she would still be here when he returned.

…

Gilbert was _not _in a good mood. And for the first time in weeks, it had nothing to do with his grounding.

He was _sick_. Really sick. He had the misfortune of having both pneumonia and stomach flu, or at least that was what they suspected. He was at the hospital at the GP's office to check. And he was bored of waiting.

The waiting room was crowded. Apparently, there was a bug going around, and he suspected that it would be a while before he got called in. Feeling another cramp, he turned towards his father.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Gilbert announced.

Wulfric looked annoyed, but sighed.

"Go on, then," he said. "Just make sure you're back by the time the doctor calls us in."

Gilbert grinned as he shot outside. He actually _did_ need to go to the bathroom, but he was also happy to be away from his father's watchful eye for a while. This grounding was _seriously_ unawesome.

As he looked across the hallway to search for the bathroom, he saw something – or some_one_ – that he didn't think he would see for a while.

Lovino.

Hatred burned within him as he saw the other teen. Luckily, Lovino hadn't noticed him yet. The hallways intersected, and Lovino was passing through. And he wasn't alone.

Gilbert could recognise Feliks, and he also saw that Lovino's father was there. This was bad. If Gilbert approached Lovino with his father present, then Gilbert's father would learn about it, and he would be in deeper trouble.

Still, he needed to repay Lovino for the trouble he was currently in.

He knew the Italian. At some point, he would want a moment to himself. And that was when Gilbert would strike. And so he followed after them, being as quiet as possible and being as far back as possible to avoid detection. He saw them enter another hallway, and he hurried as quietly as possible to catch up. He caught them just as they were entering a doctor's office.

And he saw that there was a bathroom nearby.

His stomach cramped again, and he decided to take care of his other needs first. He would have to wait for Lovino anyway, and the bathroom was a good place. Even if Feliks or Lovino's father caught him, he could simply say that he was in the bathroom and that it was a coincidence that he was there.

Figuring that it was a good plan, he ducked inside the bathroom.

…

"And there we go," Dr Fryderyk said as he cut away the last of the splint. "How does it feel?"

Lovino flexed his hand, wincing as muscles worked that didn't have a chance to work in a while.

"At least I can move it," he said.

"I think you should see a physical therapist for both the hand and ankle," Fryderyk said as he started to write something down. "I can recommend someone, if you'd like."

"Grazie," Romulus said, smiling in relief. "But the ankle isn't really much of a problem anymore, is it?"

"Not really," Lovino replied. "I still need to be careful of going downstairs, though. It feels stiff."

"Therapy will work for that," Fryderyk said. "If you'd like, I could help you make arrangements right now."

"That would be nice," Romulus replied. "Thank you."

"Um, if you don't mind, I'd like to go to the bathroom," Lovino said. "I didn't really get a chance when we got home."

"Of course. Go ahead."

"Dad, do you mind if I like go get something from the cafeteria?" Feliks asked.

"Alright, if you must," Fryderyk sighed.

The two teens left together, but it wasn't long until Lovino reached the bathroom.

"Like, don't go anywhere until I get back, okay?" Feliks asked.

"Okay?" Lovino responded, cocking his head to the side. What was Feliks planning?

He shrugged, before entering the bathroom.

Lovino had only managed a few steps before he was roughly grabbed and pushed against the wall. There was a short section of wall next to the door, and that was what he was pinned to, while the door was closed. Before he could process what was happening, a hand was pressed against his mouth.

His eyes widened when he looked into familiar red eyes.

"Hello, Lovi," Gilbert greeted. "Long time, no see."

Lovino froze. He knew that he should probably have been trying to get someone's attention, or try to get Gilbert away from him, but he was afraid. He didn't think that he would have to come face to face with any of them again, but here Gilbert was, and he looked _really_ angry, despite the smile on his face.

The smile that promised a lot of pain and torment.

"Do you have _any_ idea how much trouble you caused me?" Gilbert snarled. "_Everyone_ hates me now, and I've been doing a shitload of work. All because of you."

Gilbert started coughing then, and Lovino immediately understood why Gilbert was at the hospital. But his fear turned to horror when, first of all, Gilbert didn't try to cover his cough, and second, when he aimed the coughing in Lovino's face. He winced as he felt small droplets from the other teen's mouth land on his face.

"I hope I'm contagious," Gilbert said. "You deserve to feel like shit too. And on _that_ note…"

Lovino's eyes bulged as Gilbert's fist collided with his midsection, knocking the wind out of him. Even if his mouth wasn't covered, Lovino wouldn't have had the ability to scream.

"Well, well," Gilbert sneered, eyes trained downwards. "Isn't that the hand we broke?"

Lovino whimpered when Gilbert grabbed his right wrist, squeezing it until Lovino hissed in pain.

"You know, you really _do_ need to moisturise," Gilbert said. "Shit, I'm starting to sound like Franny. I've got a lot to make up for."

Gilbert started coughing again, harder than the previous time. This time, it wasn't really in Lovino's face, since Gilbert doubled over. But once it was finished, he glared at Lovino, his already-red eyes now bloodshot as well, making him seem like a creature straight from the pits of the dark abyss.

"You're lucky I feel like crap," Gilbert said. "But next time I see you, there won't be any mercy."

Lovino grunted as Gilbert slammed his head against the wall, before he released him. As Gilbert opened the door, one word slipped out of Lovino's mouth.

"Why?"

Gilbert whipped around, eyes furious.

"What?" he demanded.

"Why… do you hate me?" Lovino asked. "What did I do to you?"

Gilbert clicked his tongue, before he stalked out of the bathroom. Lovino rubbed the back of his head, before remembering that he had business to take care of.

As he was washing his hands, he realised that he had been crying. He quickly wiped those tears away. He didn't want anyone to know about what had just happened.

…

As Gilbert returned to the GP, one thought kept creeping back: Lovino, asking him why he hated him.

He had an answer for the question, of course, but neither the energy nor time to reply. He hated Lovino because Lovino had some sort of natural talent. Because Lovino was smart without having to work too hard. Because Lovino acted like an uppity brat that pushed away anyone that tried to get close to him. Because Lovino didn't care about the people that he hurt; it was all about him.

Honestly, Gilbert and the others did all those people who thought Lovino was nice a favour by dragging them away before Lovino could hurt them, the way Francis and Antonio had been hurt.

Gilbert was also mad that Lovino had somehow managed to twist Francis and Antonio's minds again, using other people to do it for him. Francis and Antonio actually appeared to feel bad about the things done to Lovino – Francis mentioned seeing a photo of what Lovino looked like in the hospital bed. But Gilbert pointed out that showing Francis that photo was nothing more than a form of emotional blackmail. And Antonio's cousin Miguel had his mind twisted by Lovino as well. The Italian was toxic, and it took a while to remind his friends about it. Now, everything was normal between them.

And their priority was to get their respective groundings lifted.

They would make Lovino pay for all the humiliation and grief that he had brought for them. They knew that Lovino would often go for walks to clear his head, or because he wanted to go to the shopping district. Gilbert also heard mention that Lovino now had a dog, which meant he would most likely have to take it out for walks. And they knew where he lived.

It was only a matter of time before they were free once again, and they would make Lovino pay for everything he'd done to them. They just needed to figure out _how_.

He slipped into the GP's office, and his father eyed him.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

"I think it's definitely stomach flu," Gilbert said.

"Beilschmidt!" the receptionist called out.

"Looks like you managed to make it just in time," Wulfric sighed.

Gilbert smirked. Oh, he managed to do a lot more than that.

…

When Lovino returned from the bathroom, Romulus noticed that something was wrong with his son. He seemed a bit… down, and he avoided direct eye contact. His instincts were screaming at him to demand that his son tell him what happened. Because they were also screaming at him that _something_ happened.

"I think we should start the physical therapy next week," Romulus said. "After your sessions with Dr Williams okay?"

Lovino nodded. Romulus narrowed his eyes. However, he had no idea how to broach the subject with his son. Something in Lovino's demeanour told him that he didn't want to talk about it.

"Feliks asked to wait until he gets back," Lovino said.

"Okay," Romulus said quietly.

"Well then, why don't I tell you a bit about the therapist, Lovino?" Fryderyk asked. "His name is Berwald Oxenstierna, and while he may appear to be intimidating, he's a pretty nice guy, and he knows his craft."

They talked about the physical therapy and what it would entail, and eventually Feliks returned, carrying a carton of… something.

"Like, I bet you didn't know that the hospital had these donuts," Feliks said, before he handed the carton to Lovino. "Here, take it."

Lovino looked puzzled, but he accepted it nonetheless.

"What's this for?" he asked.

"Like, it's to celebrate your wrist and ankle getting better," Feliks said.

"Oh… Um, thank you."

Romulus smiled, before he ruffled his son's hair. Lovino squawked at the action, but didn't try to bat his hand away, most likely because Romulus was sitting to his right.

They soon took their leave of the two Poles and started on their way back to the car.

"Um, Padre, do you mind if we go to the shopping district first?" Lovino asked.

"Is there something you need?" Romulus asked.

"Um… I-I would like a few notebooks and… Um, I heard there's a bug going around, so… I was thinking that we should stock up on vitamins and things like that."

Romulus winced. He'd also heard that quite a few people had been feeling sick lately. Toris, for example.

"Sure," he said.

…

When they returned home, Lovino immediately made his way to his bedroom, instead of the dining room where Marcello and Feliciano were doing their homework. Lovino needed some time alone.

That encounter with Gilbert shook him. He thought he was free, and when he least expected it…

The urge to cut himself again was strong, but Lovino had a stronger urge. He had been thinking up ways in which he could do as he told Matthew, and create a novel out of his experiences.

Lovino took one of the notebooks they bought and opened it to the first page. He knew that he couldn't use real names, and he needed to change everyone's appearances. But the events could be used. He just needed to figure out _how_.

And so, he started to plan.

**Two and a half years after spraining my ankle, and I'm still nervous about going down stairs. Partially because that's how the sprain happened, but also because it feels to me as though the muscles in that foot aren't working the same way as the other foot's.**

**Also, the South African physical therapist was not impressed when he found out that I received therapy for my ankle in France. They may have better healthcare, but South Africans are more equipped when dealing with injuries.**

**So yeah, part of Gilbert's hatred is fuelled by jealousy. Another part is because he sees the worst in Lovino, and because he is unable to accept responsibility for his own actions. He literally needs someone else to blame, and Lovino is a convenient target. And not seeing Lovino for a while – in other words, not directly seeing the damage that they'd done – made the BTT revert back to their previous states, with any guilt having been destroyed by not being confronted with the result of their actions and feeling resentment over the punishments inflicted by their parents. I wanted to write a scene of Francis doing the chores at home while he's being supervised by the housekeeper. Maybe eventually.**

**Flapjacks (or crumpets – we only really refer to them by their Afrikaans name 'plaatkoekies' (plaat: stovetop and koekies: cookies)) are among the first things we learn to make. And it was literally the first thing I learned how to bake at age 7. I give them some variety by adding Smarties to them.**

**As for me not knowing what to call Lovino's brace, since it was established that the actual cast was removed – my mother broke her hand in March (ironically, the same as Lovino's) and she didn't get a plaster cast, but rather a lot of bandages, and I think it used that medical tape on top of those bandages. So, that's why I say it's more of a splint or a brace.**


	54. Chapter 54

**Thanks to Praise's waterfall, HanaNatsume and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 54**

"Like, is something wrong?" Feliks asked on the bus the next morning.

"Why do you ask?" Lovino responded.

"You look a bit down. Did something happen? Like, I thought you'd be happier, now that you can totally use both hands again."

Lovino looked down at his right hand, before he shook his head.

"I'm fine," he said. "Don't worry about it."

Feliks narrowed his eyes.

"Like, you know you're not supposed to keep things to yourself," Feliks said. "I promise, I won't tell anyone, so, like, please tell me what's bothering you."

Lovino turned to regard Feliks, trying to judge him. After seeing the sincerity in the Pole's eyes, Lovino sighed.

"You promise not to tell anyone?" he asked. "Not even your parents, or Miguel and the others, and especially not my family?"

Feliks looked worried, but he nodded his head. Lovino closed his eyes and turned away.

"I ran into Gilbert yesterday," he said. "In the bathroom."

Feliks gasped.

"Like, did he hurt you?" he asked.

Lovino bit his lip, before he inched away.

"He said that he got in a lot of trouble, and blames _me_ for it," Lovino explained. "And he… He punched me in the stomach, but that's not the worst. He's… sick. Literally sick. And he _coughed_ into my face."

Feliks's breath hitched, and Lovino turned towards him. The blond was trembling in rage.

"That… that asshole," Feliks said. "That's really sick. If I get my hands on him…"

Lovino winced. The last thing he needed was for some sort of fight to break out because of him.

"Just… forget about it," Lovino said. "But I think you should keep your distance. I don't know if he passed on whatever it was that he has. Better to be safe than sorry."

Feliks huffed.

"Like, I hope his condition gets worse and he has to spend a lot of time in the hospital," Feliks said.

Lovino winced when he heard that.

"Um, I think we should change the subject," Lovino said. "Do you remember what I asked you a few weeks ago?"

Feliks cocked his head to the side.

"Like, could you be more specific?" Feliks asked.

"I asked you to teach me Polish, remember?" Lovino asked.

"Oh, right! Like, I totally forgot with everything that's happened since then! So, like, we should probably get started then, right? Like, what about after school?"

Lovino nodded his head. He could still remember what happened the previous day with Gilbert, and the absolute hatred in the German's eyes. He didn't know what had happened to earn him that hatred, but if he could undo it, he would. If only to save him from all the grief he'd been put through.

He was just grateful that Gilbert hadn't taken out his anger on Lovino's brothers.

…

Gilbert was trapped in bed, his stomach, throat and chest in pain. Their suspicions were correct, and he had both stomach flu and pneumonia. And it had worsened overnight. He'd been assigned to bedrest for the next week, and with the internet and TV being out of the question, it was made even worse. He had nothing to do other than sleep.

Well, he didn't mind the sleep, but there was only so much one person could take. He didn't even have his phone with him, so he couldn't use that to entertain himself. He also couldn't get in contact with Antonio or Francis, who he recalled were also feeling a bit under the weather.

The only thing that could cheer him up was the possibility that he had passed on either one of the two illnesses afflicting him to Lovino. If anyone deserved to suffer, it was the Italian.

…

"Are you okay?" Miguel asked.

Lovino nodded, keeping his eyes on the notebook he was writing in. It didn't escape anyone's notice that Lovino had been keeping his distance from them, and whenever he wasn't working on schoolwork, he was writing in the notebook.

Lovino was using his right hand, which was probably his way of practicing using the muscles again after a long time of not using them. They figured that the notebook was being used for that purpose, so they didn't bother him about it. It was just the fact that he kept his full attention on the book that made them a bit worried.

Miguel and Gupta exchanged looks, before turning their attentions to Feliks. The Pole kept his gaze on the Italian, and based on the look in his eyes, the others realised that Feliks knew something about what was going on. The only question was whether or not he would tell them what he knew.

Feliks noticed their staring, and he shook his head. They didn't want to force their friends to tell them anything, but they also didn't want their friends to suffer from some heavy burden alone.

They wanted to believe that it was just a bad day, but their instincts told them otherwise. They didn't want to force their friends to tell them things they didn't want to, but if they felt that there was some sort of trouble, they would intervene.

…

"It's been a while since we did anything together," Roderich observed, looking towards his friends. "I think we should do so again."

It was lunchtime, and Feliciano and his three friends were at their usual table. The other three turned towards the Austrian in surprise.

"That's odd, coming from you," Dimitri said. "It's completely expected for Feliciano to suggest something like that, but _you_?"

Roderich sighed.

"The youth orchestra I'm a part of is having a concert next Saturday," Roderich said. "I had every intention of inviting you, and afterwards we could go do something else together, if you're interested."

"Ooh, a concert!" Feliciano exclaimed. "Ve, that sounds like fun!"

"It does indeed sound like it could be entertaining," Kiku said.

"And what are we going to do afterwards?" Dimitri asked.

"Whatever it is we can agree on," Roderich said, before glancing towards Feliciano. "There _is_ something else I have in mind, though. You see, I admit that I'm curious about Lovino's new friends."

Feliciano blinked in surprise, cocking his head to the side.

"Ve, where's this coming from?" Feliciano asked.

"Well, I guess we're so used to Lovino being on his own, that the idea of him having his own group of friends is intriguing," Roderich explained. "And I want to meet them."

"I must admit, I'm also curious about them," Kiku said. "Perhaps we should invite Lovino along as well, and we can tell him to bring his friends?"

"Why do I get a bad feeling about this?" Dimitri sighed.

"Ve, I can always check with Lovino if his friends would like to meet you," Feliciano said. "They're all nice, so I don't think that they'd have a problem with it."

"You must be joking," a voice said behind Feliciano. "Lovino has friends? That's ridiculous."

They spun around to see Francis. He looked a bit pale, but that only made his cold expression seem all the more terrifying.

"And why is that so?" Feliciano asked, glaring darkly.

"Lovino isn't suited to have friends," Francis scoffed. "He ruins the lives of everyone he comes into contact with."

"That's rich, coming from _you_. _You_ ruined _his_ life!"

Francis narrowed his eyes.

"You know, I think I heard that you're grounded," Roderich said. "Something about your parents finding out about you bullying Lovino."

"And let me guess," Dimitri said. "You're blaming Lovino for you being grounded."

Francis stiffened. Feliciano narrowed his eyes.

"It's true, isn't it?" Feliciano asked. "You're blaming Lovino because you got into trouble for the things _you_ did."

"Don't assume that's the case," Francis said. "It's only a matter of time before he ruins his new 'friends' as well."

"That won't happen. Unlike you, they're actually good people."

Francis scoffed, before he walked away. The group watched after him, wearing disapproving looks on their faces.

"Unbelievable," Roderich said. "They fail to accept responsibility for their actions. Gilbert is exactly the same. I shudder to think what would happen if they ever ran into Lovino again."

"Which is why I'm going to stop that from happening," Feliciano said. "I'm not going to let them hurt him ever again."

…

"So, we're still on for that movie tomorrow?" Vlad asked.

"Like, totally!" Feliks exclaimed.

"We've been waiting to see it for a while now," Miguel said. "So, at what time will we find each other there?"

"Actually, I don't think I'm going," Lovino said.

"What?!" Gupta demanded. "If this is about the bus ride…"

"No, it's not that. I just…"

"Like, Lovino's scared that he might be getting sick," Feliks said.

Lovino turned towards Feliks, a sharp look in his eyes, which the other ignored.

"Are you not feeling well?" Yao asked.

"No," Lovino sighed. "I'm extremely tired today, and my eyes are a bit sore. That only happens when I'm getting sick."

"Oh," Heracles said. "In that case, you shouldn't push yourself if you're feeling sick. And if you think you're feeling worse, then you should go to the nurse's office."

Lovino nodded his head, though the others could clearly see that there was still something that he was hiding. However, if he really _was_ feeling sick, then they figured that it was a valid explanation for his odd behaviour.

"If you want, I can bring you some herbal medicine," Yao said. "It's completely safe, I assure you."

"That assurance is actually making me more nervous," Lovino stated.

"Agreed," Gupta said.

Yao huffed.

"Fine then," he said. "At the very least, do you drink green tea?"

Lovino made a face.

"I'm more of a coffee person," he said.

"Well, you may want to reconsider," Yao said. "It's a lot healthier than coffee, and it has a lot of benefits. One of them is that it boosts immunity."

Lovino sighed.

"I'll give it a try then," he said. "If you insist."

"I can also give you a list of things to mix and match with," Yao said. "You don't have to drink the tea as it is."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you."

"Do you want to start immediately with the tai chi, or do you want to wait until you're better?"

"I arranged with Mr Jones to start the extra classes next week. So, I guess we can wait until then too. But I'm still trying out those basics you gave me."

Yao smiled.

"Good," he said. "I can also show you some of the basic hand movements for that wrist of yours."

"Grazie," Lovino said. "I'm sorry about tomorrow."

"It's no problem," Miguel said. "Just feel better, okay?"

Lovino nodded his head, smiling softly, though there was still a storm cloud in his gaze.

…

"Alright, spill."

Feliks jumped in surprise. He was in his Life Skills class, which he shared with Miguel, Yao and Vlad. And Miguel was the one that spoke.

"Huh?" Feliks asked. "Like, what are you talking about?"

"Is Lovino really sick, or is there something else bothering him?" Miguel demanded.

Feliks flinched, averting his gaze.

"And your reaction is telling us that there's something you both are hiding," Yao said. "So, don't bother lying."

"Like, Lovino asked me not to tell anyone," Feliks said. "Not even you guys."

"We won't interfere, and we won't confront him," Vlad said. "But if something's going on, we have the right to know. And we'll make sure that Lovino doesn't find out that we know. So, please?"

Feliks glanced towards the front of the class, but Mr Bondevik already declared this a self-study class, and as long as they weren't too loud, he didn't care if they spoke with each other.

"…Like, as long as Lovino doesn't find out," Feliks sighed. "Yesterday, at the hospital, he had a run-in with one of his bullies. Gilbert."

Miguel's expression darkened.

"Out of the three of them, Gilbert is the biggest jerk," Miguel said. "Even if he's pretending to be nice. What happened?"

"Like, I don't know the exact details," Feliks said. "It happened when Lovino went to the bathroom while I went to the cafeteria. Apparently, Gilbert's sick, and the jerk totally made sure to purposely cough in Lovino's face."

The other three widened their eyes.

"That… that's sick," Miguel whispered. "And I'm guessing there's more that happened."

Feliks shrugged.

"Pretty much," he replied. "Lovino's scared that he really did catch whatever Gilbert has, and he's afraid that he would pass it on to the rest of us."

"That makes sense," Vlad said. "But, why doesn't he want to tell us?"

"It's obvious," Yao said. "Not only would seeing his former bully be traumatising, but the fact that he purposely tried to make Lovino sick is scary too. And if he said or did something else to Lovino…"

"I can guarantee that something else happened," Miguel said. "Gilbert would definitely do something to someone he hates."

"Lovino said he punched him," Feliks said. "And blames him for Gilbert getting into trouble."

"I heard that all three of them were grounded. And knowing them, they would definitely blame someone else for the things they've done. But now that we know… I think we should make sure that Lovino doesn't find out that we know. Instead, we should only look after him. And we'll be there if he finally decides to confide in us."

"Like, that's going to be tricky. One thing I noticed about Lovino is that he doesn't really confide in people. Like, he's so used to no one listening to him that he doesn't know how to talk to anyone about his problems unless you ask him about it. And, like, not even _that's_ a guarantee."

"And it's that kind of thing that led him to the hospital," Vlad sighed. "We'll keep an eye on him to make sure it doesn't come to that. We just need to act normal."

…

"Okay, so, like, you want to start with Polish?" Feliks asked.

The two were on the bus, heading back to their own town. Lovino shrugged, looking out the window.

"I don't think either of us really told our parents about this arrangement, so they wouldn't expect you to be at my house, right?" Lovino asked.

Feliks grimaced.

"Like, that's true," he said. "Alright then, so, like, why don't I just give you a few basic words? 'Yes', 'no', 'hello', 'goodbye', 'please' and 'thank you'?"

"Alright," Lovino replied. "I guess that's a good start."

"So then, like, 'yes' is 'tak' and 'no' is 'nie'."

Lovino repeated the words a few times, smiling after he saw Feliks's encouraging smile.

"Like, great!" he said. "Okay, so, I think the more informal 'hello' would be better. 'Cześć'. And 'bye' is 'pa'."

Lovino repeated these two words as well.

"This isn't so bad," Lovino said. "I thought Polish is one of the harder languages."

"Well, like, remember, this is the _informal_ language," Feliks said. "If you want formal, try 'dzień dobry' and 'do widzenia'."

Lovino tried the words a few times, before wincing.

"Okay," he said. "Informal is better. 'Please' and 'thank you'?"

"'Proszę' and 'dzięki'," Feliks supplied.

Lovino repeated those words as well. Feliks grinned.

"Like, you're a natural," Feliks praised.

"Let's just hope that I'll remember it on Monday," Lovino sighed. "By the way, why did you tell the others that I'm sick?"

"Like, they were really worried about you, and they know that you wouldn't tell them on your own. And, like, you were so excited yesterday, so everyone was worried. And you _are_ scared that you might be sick. And, like, no one's in a good mood if they're sick, so…"

Feliks was worried that Lovino might find out that he told Miguel and the others, but Lovino finally just sighed.

"I suppose that makes sense," Lovino said. "I feel really bad about cancelling tomorrow's plans. I'm… I'm scared."

Feliks's expression softened.

"Like, why are you scared?" he asked.

"I… I'm scared that they might think that… I don't want to hang out with them anymore," Lovino explained. "It's happened before. It's how it happened with Francis. I was busy, or I wasn't in the mood. Before I realised it, I did it a lot. He got fed up with me, called me selfish and uppity, and said that he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. And you can guess what happened next."

"That's not your fault. Like, if it's something that couldn't be helped, then he should have had more sympathy or something. And, like, you're telling me that that's a good reason to become a bully? Vino, the others aren't like those three assholes. They're not going to hate you for cancelling plans once."

"But what if it happens again? What if I have to cancel next time, or the time after that?"

"Like, if you have a good reason, then there shouldn't be a problem. And, like, you need to be able to say what's bothering you. And even if you don't want to tell the truth, you can make up your own excuses, right? But, please, you shouldn't be scared to tell us if something's bothering you."

Lovino averted his gaze.

"You might be right," he said. "I'll apologise to them on Monday. And… I guess I should explain to them what's going on. Hopefully I'm _not_ getting sick."

"Like, I still think it's totally twisted what he did," Feliks said. "And if you show any symptoms, you should totally tell me, okay? Like, hopefully he wasn't contagious at that point. But you should take care of yourself, okay?"

Lovino nodded his head, and Feliks hoped that Lovino would take his words to heart.

…

When Lovino woke up, he realised that his head and throat hurt. His eyes were also painful, and he knew that he had indeed started getting sick.

He groaned. He grabbed his phone and notified Feliks. He'd finally decided to exchange numbers with Feliks, though he still needed to do the same with the others.

**Personally, I detest coffee. Too bitter for my tastes. I've tried to get myself interested in tea, but so far I can only manage rooibos and green tea. Well, at least there are a lot of variations, like vanilla rooibos and wild berry green tea. And yeah, green tea has a **_**lot**_** of benefits. I also have a book of tai chi which gives a few mix and match options for green tea.**

**One of my ways of knowing that I'm sick is when my eyes hurt, especially due to a sinus infection. It's not dry or anything, and I can recognise the exact type of pain. It sometimes comes before all the other symptoms.**

**Sorry if any of the Polish is incorrect. Even reliable sources can be incorrect. I once saw a glaring mistake in a language book of Afrikaans. 'Sommer' being translated as 'summer', while the correct word is 'somer'. 'Sommer' is a difficult word to translate. It can sometimes be used in the same way Feliks uses 'like' and 'totally', and it is also the Afrikaans equivalent of 'because' when provided as a reason for something.**


	55. Chapter 55

**Thanks to apurehetalian, MonalisaRomano17 and an anon for reviewing. 200 reviews! Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 55**

"So, Lovino is really sick now, huh?" Yao asked as he and Feliks browsed the toy store.

The two of them realised that they had a mutual love of cute things, which included stuffed animals. The only difference was that while Yao preferred pandas, Feliks liked ponies. They still had some time before the movie, and the others were browsing in other stores as well.

By now, the whole group knew of Lovino's encounter with his bully, and all of them promised to make sure that Lovino never found out that they knew. They knew that Lovino showed a lot of trust in Feliks by admitting something like that to him, and they all knew that the only reason why Feliks broke that trust was because the others pressed him for the information. If Lovino was angry at Feliks, then it would have been their faults.

"Like, he says he has a sore throat and stuff," Feliks said. "It's been two days, so whatever it is, like, it must be serious. Like, I hope it's not too bad."

"So, are you saying it's pretty fast?" Yao asked.

"Like, pretty much."

Due to Feliks's father's profession, he had more medical knowledge than the rest of them, which impressed them. Feliks was smarter than he let on, and all he needed was to really have an environment in which he could let his intelligence shine through.

"I feel really bad about this," Yao said. "I think I'm going to see if I can find him a gift. Kind of like a 'get well soon' gift. Hey, do you know what his favourite animal is?"

"Like, I think it's a wolf," Feliks replied.

The two of them searched around until they could find a stuffed animal keychain which was in the shape of a wolf. Yao held it up to Feliks.

"Do you think he'll like it?" Yao asked.

Feliks didn't reply immediately, too focused on the other keychains. Only when Yao called out his name did Feliks turn towards the Chinese boy.

"Like, sorry about that," he apologised. "Like, I was just thinking that we could get one for everyone, you know?"

"You mean, like a matching set?" Yao asked, before he grinned. "That sounds like a great idea! Yes, we should definitely do it."

The two set out to find animal keychains that would fit the rest of the group.

…

"Are you okay in there, fratello?" Marcello asked, standing in front of the bathroom door.

"S-si," Lovino said, before the sound of retching reached Marcello's ears again.

Lovino had scared them when he announced that he wouldn't be joining the others because he wasn't feeling well. This was the first time since he left the hospital that he'd cancelled his plans with the others. His breakfast consisted of oatmeal, and now, _this_ happened.

Well, at least they knew he wasn't lying about being sick.

Their father had already gone to the store to get some Coke, ginger biscuits, energy drinks and cheese puffs. So, the basic essentials for sickness, especially if it involved vomiting.

Marcello stood straighter when he heard the toilet flush, and after a few moments Lovino emerged, his eyes bloodshot and the hazel looking particularly green.

"I put some medicine on your bedside table," Marcello said. "Are you going to be fine?"

"S-si," Lovino said. "I just… need to go lie down a bit."

"Of course. Call if you need anything, okay?"

Lovino nodded, and Marcello watched as Lovino returned to his own room. He was worried about his older brother, but he couldn't help but wonder where Lovino would catch whatever it was he caught.

…

"So, we all got one of these?" Miguel asked, holding out his rooster-shaped keychain.

"Yep," Yao said. "It was Feliks's idea."

"Like, Yao's the one that picked them out," Feliks said, eyeing Miguel's rooster as well.

"Well, Yao _does_ know us better," Heracles said. "What gave you this idea, anyway?"

"We thought we could give Lovino a 'get well soon' gift," Yao said. "And then we thought we'd get everyone one of these."

"They're cute," Vlad said. "But, it's not a bad idea. To get Lovino a gift or two. We can all go shopping after the movie. And when Feliks goes back, he could deliver it to Lovino."

"Like, you can count on me," Feliks said, grinning happily.

They were on their way to the cinema, each one mentally determining which snacks they would get.

…

Romulus knocked on Lovino's door, and when there was no answer he opened it. Lovino was sleeping – which was difficult to monitor now that he was sick – with Chiara curled up by his feet. The puppy wagged her tail, but did not move from her spot, only snuggling closer to Lovino.

"You're worried about him too, aren't you, girl?" Romulus asked.

He placed the bag of groceries next to Lovino's bed, before he placed his hand on his son's forehead. Lovino was warm, but not warm enough for Romulus to suspect a fever. He was on the pale side, though. It would be necessary to keep an eye on him.

The glass on the table was empty, so Romulus quickly went to refill it. Water was especially important right now. Water and sleep.

He could at least say that he hadn't been entirely negligent in the past when Lovino was sick. He wasn't as doting as with Feliciano and Marcello, but he didn't leave Lovino alone to his fate. Part of it was because Lovino tended to keep it hidden until it was _really_ serious. He'd been called to pick him up from school a few times because he passed out or had a high fever. There was another time when he couldn't stop coughing, and he had been sent to the office in the first period. It turned out that he'd developed pneumonia, though that time he hadn't realised that he was sick until he woke up that morning.

Romulus realised that the reason why Lovino usually didn't tell them when he started feeling ill was because he figured that they would think he was just faking it. And looking back, his past self would definitely not have believed his son until it was undeniable. And by then, it would have been really serious. There were a few times where Lovino almost ended up in the hospital because of the severity of his illness.

When Romulus returned with the water, he saw that Lovino's eyes were open. Romulus tried not to shudder when he saw the listless look in his son's eyes.

"Hey," Romulus said softly. "How are you feeling?"

"My throat's sore," Lovino whispered.

"I bought you something for that too. Are you hungry?"

Lovino shook his head. Romulus sighed.

"I'll leave you for now, but I want you to at least eat a piece of toast during lunch," he said. "You'll need to get _something _in your system. And remember to drink enough water."

Lovino nodded, before he closed his eyes again. Romulus checked Lovino's forehead. He was a bit warmer than earlier. He worried that his son might have been developing a fever.

He decided to check on him in an hour, and if he was even hotter, then it might be time to give him something for a fever.

…

"Do you think Lovino will be okay?" Feliciano asked.

Feliciano and Marcello were working on their homework in the dining room. Friday was usually their day off when it came to homework, and so they often made sure to do their homework on Saturdays, even if they had something else to do. The only exception would be when they had a project that required a lot of work.

"If it's just a cold, he'll be fine," Marcello said. "I guess we should just wait and see."

"How long do you think he's been feeling sick?" Feliciano asked.

"I don't know. But if he felt it yesterday, then it makes sense that he wanted to avoid us."

"Why didn't he say anything before?"

"Well, I know _I _don't always say something immediately. I think Lovino is the same. We should let him rest."

The two of them jumped when their father placed two glasses of orange juice in front of them.

"Drink up," Romulus instructed. "If Lovino's sick, there's a chance that you two might catch it too. So I want the two of you to build your immunity."

Marcello and Feliciano exchanged a look. They realised that this was how it would be for the next week or so.

…

When the movie was finished, the friends decided to go to the bookstore. They knew by now which books Lovino had on his bookshelf. From their own experiences, they knew that the time spent in bed could be quite boring, and having a new book to entertain them was always something they looked forward to, and was the one thing that made being sick worth it. So they would try to find a book that would cheer Lovino up.

While browsing, Feliks suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see Heracles standing behind him, and he held out a book.

"I think you might enjoy this one," he said. "The main character is gay, and a large part of it is to make peace with his life."

Feliks looked down at the book. _Release_, by Patrick Ness. He frowned, reading the description at the back. It sounded interesting enough, and Heracles picked it out especially for him.

"Thank you," he whispered, accepting the book. "Like, have you found something for Lovino?"

"_Crime and Punishment_," Heracles said. "He doesn't have that book, and I think the name alone might cheer him up."

"Definitely," Feliks said, smirking.

…

Lovino was feeling a bit better, but he knew that it could change at any moment. He was using the opportunity to eat some soup. It was the instant kind that could be made in a coffee mug, and was thankfully very light on his stomach.

He absently stroked Chiara, and he wondered if her presence was making him feel better. She was certainly a huge comfort.

He looked up when someone knocked on his door, and Feliciano poked his head in.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"A bit better," Lovino said. "For now."

"You have a visitor."

Lovino's eyes widened, and Feliciano moved out of the way, allowing Feliks to enter the bedroom.

"Like, hey," Feliks said. "So, you say you're feeling better?"

Lovino nodded.

"You shouldn't have come," Lovino said. "I don't want you catching this too."

Feliks shrugged.

"My dad is a doctor," he said simply. "Like, I'll be okay. So, looks like he actually managed to get what he wanted."

"Si," Lovino sighed. "That bastard actually managed to pass on his sickness to me. How was the movie?"

"Like, it was nice," Feliks said. "It's totally a shame that you couldn't watch it too."

"Looks like I'll have to wait for the DVD."

"Like, I brought you something."

Lovino cocked his head to the side. Feliks handed him a bag, which Lovino recognised as the bookstore's bag.

"Like, everyone decided to give you a gift. Everyone wants you to get well soon."

Lovino stared at Feliks for a while, before he felt tears stinging his eyes. They were too kind to him, and he still didn't believe that he deserved it. He also wished that he could have found friends like them earlier in his life.

"Thank you," he whispered.

He smiled when he saw the book that they had given him. He also noticed that there was something else in the bag, and he blinked when he saw that it was a stuffed toy, in the shape of a keychain.

"Like, we all have one of these," Feliks said, holding up his pony-shaped keychain. "And for some strange reason, Miguel's is a rooster."

"I wonder if he's patriotic," Lovino remarked. "Tell the others… 'thank you'. Really, this… you didn't need to do all of this."

"Like, that's the thing with friendship," Feliks said, smiling softly. "You don't _need_ to do anything. You do things because you want to. And, like, if one of your friends is in trouble, or needs comfort, or totally just has a bad day, then you would do your best to make them feel better. Like, that's how we all feel about you."

Hearing those words caused the dam to burst, and the tears started streaming down Lovino's face. Feliks walked closer and pulled him into a hug, and for a moment, Lovino didn't care that he was sick. He wanted this comfort.

He knew that he owed his life to Feliks, in more ways than one. Feliks had saved him that one time. Had seen his pain. Hadn't left him alone, regardless of how insistent Lovino was. Had supported him when he was in the hospital. Had followed him to the new school. Helped him with the transition. Helped him connect with the people that decided that they would accept Lovino as a friend.

Out of everyone, Feliks was the one person that he wanted to keep in his life.

…

On Monday morning, Lovino was still lying in bed while Romulus scrutinised the thermometer.

"I hate to say this," Romulus said, "but you're staying home today."

"I can't," Lovino said. "I have a test today and…"

"A fever of 40 degrees. You're staying. Or would you rather that I send you off to the hospital?"

Lovino pouted, but lay back down. In the past, he would have been more than happy to stay home, but he actually enjoyed school now. He actually had friends now.

"Stay in bed and rest," Romulus said. He turned to the puppy on the bed with him. "I'm counting on you to keep an eye on him."

Lovino rolled his eyes, but he could see the humour in the situation. And he had to admit that he didn't mind not being alone this time.

…

Romulus was working at the gallery alone that day. Toris was also out sick, and he wondered how much of the town was out of commission due to this bug. He also couldn't help but wonder where Lovino might have caught it.

The hospital was the only place he could really think of. But that was strange. The place was designed to make it difficult for diseases to spread, and it was certainly disinfected well. Just thinking about the hospital immediately brought the scent of the antiseptic to mind.

He looked up when the bell chimed, signalling that someone was entering the gallery. His eyes widened when he saw who it was.

"Wulfric Beilschmidt," he greeted. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

The two went back a long time. When Romulus first moved to this town, Wulfric was his drinking buddy. But as the years went by, their relationship soured, especially with all the complaints made towards Lovino. Romulus still had a sour taste in his mouth from when he found out that it was actually _Wulfric's_ son that was bullying Lovino.

Yes, Romulus would admit that he's a bit upset that he'd been apologising for nothing.

"I see you've done well for yourself," Wulfric said. "Tell me, how're your sons? The eldest especially."

Romulus sighed.

"They're alright," he replied. "But Lovino's sick right now. I called the doctor. His appointment's this afternoon."

"My son's also sick," Wulfric said. "We went to the hospital last Thursday."

"Thursday?" Romulus asked. "We… We were there too. Lovino's hand was broken, and we could finally remove the splint. But… Um, was your son with you all the time?"

Wulfric frowned, but shook his head.

"We went to the bathroom at some point," he said. "He took a long time. He has stomach flu, so it's not _too_ surprising, but…"

"Lovino went to the bathroom too," Romulus muttered. "And when we left, he said something about getting immune boosters."

The two men were silent for a long moment.

"You don't think…?" Romulus began.

"Call your son and find out," Wulfric said. "I think, all things considered, he's a bit more reliable than mine."

…

Lovino was stirred from his sleep when he heard his phone ringing. He groaned, before grabbing the infernal device. He noticed that it was his father, and figured that he just wanted to check on him.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Are you feeling better?" his father asked.

"Si. You just woke me up."

"Sorry. Anyway, I'm here with Gilbert's father, and… Lovino, did you have a run-in with him at the hospital?"

"W-what?"

"We just find it a bit too odd that we were both at the hospital on Thursday, and that Gilbert was sick, and you started feeling sick two days after going to the hospital. Well? And don't try to lie."

"I-I… S-si. He… he was waiting for me in the bathroom."

"What did he do?"

"He… he punched me, and he… coughed in my face. On purpose."

There was a swear from the other side, but it wasn't his father's voice. He felt himself pale when he realised that it was Mr Beilschmidt.

"Wait until I get my hands on that little…" Wulfric muttered.

Lovino felt a cold finger of fear go down his spine. If Gilbert was angry at him before, then what would he do _now_?

"Why didn't you say something before?" Romulus asked gently.

"I-I was scared," Lovino whispered.

Now, more than ever, he hoped that he didn't run into Gilbert again. Because he didn't want to see what Gilbert would do to him after Lovino indirectly told his father about their encounter.

The three of them were always at their most hostile towards Lovino whenever they got into trouble for the things that they did to him, even if their exact deeds weren't known. And they always blamed Lovino. He looked down at his right wrist. That was how the bone had been broken, after all. What would happen _this _time?

**I actually once got sick where I didn't have any prior symptoms until one morning. I developed a cough soon after getting out of bed, which I attributed to me inhaling the cold air sharply after climbing out of the warm bed. I specifically remember my throat stinging slightly as the cold air passed through, contrasting with how hot the skin was. But the cough didn't stop, and during first period I was sent to the office. Doctor confirmed that afternoon that I had somehow developed pneumonia.**

**And I believe someone suggested that Feliks and Yao would bond over cute things.**

**Cheese curls and the like are among the things used to stop vomiting, along with ginger cookies and flat Coke. My dad usually buys sports drinks (here, we have Powerade, Energade and Lucozade) to help recover electrolytes and to give a general energy boost.**

**My sister is a **_**huge**_** fan of Patrick Ness. She lent me **_**Release**_**, and even though it wasn't the only book I've borrowed from her, it's the only book she hounded me to read.**


	56. Chapter 56

**Thanks to Praise's Waterfall, , Disappointment Person, Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love and three anons for reviewing.**

**Regarding the Vargas family and the nationality question: Romulus and Chiara left Italy before the twins were born, and they keep a few traditions and often speak Italian among themselves, but also English because that's the language needed for the people around them. I also wouldn't say they're in America, exactly. The school system, as I mentioned in an author's note in a prior chapter, is a combination of different things. Since I'm not American, I wouldn't have the first-hand experience to make it authentic, but I also know the majority wouldn't recognise the South African system. To make it simple, imagine them settling in a fictional anglophone country with a large multi-national population. This will also apply to any other real world AUs that I write.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 56**

"So, Lovino's pretty sick, huh?" Vlad asked.

Feliks nodded. It was Tuesday, and they usually waited for lunch breaks before they started to discuss news between them (on most days). And Feliks had just explained that Lovino was confined to bedrest for the entire week. Doctor's orders.

Part of the reason why he was given such a long time off was because less than two months ago he had been practically starved. He was still underweight, even though they made sure that he ate at lunchtime (breakfast and dinner were the responsibility of Lovino's family members). Things like that tended to weaken a person's immune system, and it was a miracle that Lovino managed to stay healthy for as long as he did.

"Well, looks like Saturday's plans are cancelled," Yao sighed. "It doesn't feel right, doing something as a group when he can't join us."

"Oh yeah," Feliks said. "Like, Feliciano told me something about this Saturday. Like, one of his friends has a concert for the orchestra he's a part of, and like invited us along too."

"Really?" Miguel asked, to which Feliks nodded eagerly.

"Tak. Feliciano's friends want to meet you."

"That's a bit… unusual," Heracles said, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

"What's the deal?" Vlad asked.

Feliks flinched, before averting his eyes.

"Like, they're used to seeing Lovino on his own," he explained. "And…"

"And they want to meet whoever's crazy enough to be Lovino's friends," Gupta said, narrowing his eyes. "Something like that, right?"

Feliks shrugged.

"Like, I guess so," he said.

"On the one hand, it's a bit insulting," Miguel said. "For us _and_ Lovino. They don't think much of Lovino, and they don't think much of _us_. On the other… I can understand their curiosity. Something that they thought they knew was wrong, and they would probably like to see what else they were wrong about. Also… If they were worried about Lovino, then they might want to check us out. See that we're a good fit, you know?"

"Like, I guess. I saw what happened that week before me and Lovino came here. Like, the three that stuck with Feliciano were the three that didn't hang around him because of his popularity, and they actually defended Lovino a few times. So, like, they're not _completely_ bad."

"They defended Lovino?" Gupta asked. "In what way?"

"Like, after Feliciano asked everyone what Lovino did to all of them, they supported him by pointing out that Lovino was always 'fighting' with the same three people, and that he like tries to stay away from everyone. And, like, one of them especially liked to point out that Lovino is polite to you if you're polite to him. Like, this is also the same friend that helped Lovino to the nurse's office when he passed out in class."

The others were silent for a moment, exchanging glances. Gupta leaned back, crossing his arms.

"At the very least, we might consider them allies," he said. "But we'll still make it clear that we won't tolerate any insults. Especially regarding Lovino."

"Agreed," Heracles said. "But we shouldn't burn any bridges. Since Lovino and Feliciano are twins, they would probably celebrate birthdays together. And if they don't go back to their old ways, then they'll make sure that Lovino is part of the party as well. And _we'll_ be there too. If we can't get along, then we'll only make things more difficult for Lovino."

"You have a point," Yao agreed. "There _might_ be a chance his father would be willing to throw two birthday parties if it turns out we can't get along. And there's another possibility that we might have to interact with them again."

"Well, that all depends on Lovino," Miguel said. "There's no reason for us to go meet them if Lovino's still sick on Saturday. So, it doesn't matter if we can get along with them if Lovino's not there."

Feliks smiled softly, nodding his head in satisfaction. He wished that Lovino could see this as well. He wondered what Lovino would say when Feliks told him about their conversation later that afternoon. He hoped that Lovino realised just how special he was to everyone.

…

"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" Lovino asked.

Chiara was lying on the bed with him, and instead of lying near his feet, she'd moved up to lie on his chest. He found her weight to be a comfort. He was just glad that she wasn't too large yet, though she'd definitely grown since he got her.

He figured that she was worried about him as well. She must have sensed that there was something wrong with his body, or she must have noticed that he wasn't acting in his usual way. He wondered if she recognised that the amount of time he spent sleeping meant that he needed to recover.

"Clever girl," he muttered.

He should have been sleeping, but he'd been disturbed by a nightmare. At least it wasn't one of the really bad ones. It was just one of the times when someone he thought was a friend decided that he didn't want to spend time with Lovino. And upon waking up, he remembered that he had six great friends. The most he'd ever had.

He swallowed thickly, before reaching out for the glass of water at his bedside. The water was drained within a few seconds. His throat still felt hot, and he sighed, gently pushing Chiara off of him. He needed to get a new glass of water.

The moment his feet were placed on the floor his phone rang. He reached out to it and saw that his father was calling. He quickly accepted the call.

"How are you feeling?" Romulus asked.

"Tired, hot and thirsty," Lovino said. "I was just about to get a glass of water."

"But you're staying in bed, right?"

"Si."

"Good. There's soup in the kitchen if you get hungry. I'll check in on you again later."

"Alright."

After the call ended, Lovino stood and made his way to the kitchen, carrying the glass of water. When he reached the stairs, he had to make a desperate grab for the railing. Black spots danced in his vision. He focused on his breathing, trying to stop himself from passing out. It wouldn't be in his favour if he did that now. Not when he was alone with no one to help him.

He felt himself tilting forward, and he realised that he failed.

…

Lovino groaned when he woke up, feeling wet heat on his face. He opened his eyes to see Chiara frantically licking his face, and a moment later he realised how much pain he was in.

"Hey girl," he whispered, reaching out to pet her. "What happened?"

He looked around, and he realised that he'd passed out at the top of the stairs and tumbled down them. That would certainly explain why he was in so much pain. And Chiara was worried about him, and tried to make sure that he would wake up.

"Good girl," he praised, before he tried to push himself up.

He whimpered as he realised exactly how much pain his body was in, and he turned his attention to the top of the stairs. At least he didn't accidentally break his neck. That would have been a pretty humiliating way to go.

He no longer had the glass, and he could only imagine what had happened. He sighed in frustration, realising that he would have to inform his father of what had happened. He couldn't go up to get his phone, so he started to slowly edge towards the landline phone. The gallery's number was saved, in case Lovino and the other two ever needed to reach their father there. It was originally before they had phones (they weren't allowed to obtain their own phones until they were twelve), but the gallery's number was still there.

He dialled the number and waited.

…

"Mr Vargas, you have a call," Toris called out.

"Thank you, Toris," Romulus said as the call was put through. He was glad that the Lithuanian was feeling better. Honestly, the man was a blessing. "Vargas speaking."

"Hi Padre," Lovino's voice came from the other side.

"Lovino, what's wrong? Why are you calling the gallery?"

"My phone's upstairs. I passed out. I think the glass I was carrying broke."

"When did that happen? You were fine ten minutes ago."

"I was just getting water. I passed out at the top of the stairs. Woke up at the bottom. Chiara woke me up."

Romulus's eyes widened. If Lovino tumbled down the stairs when he passed out, then he must have gotten hurt.

"Are you okay?" Romulus demanded. "Are you hurt?"

"S-si," Lovino stammered. "I don't think I broke something, but… It wasn't easy to get to the phone."

"Alright, stay there. I'll come help out immediately."

"Sh-shouldn't you be at the gallery? Can you really leave? What about Mr Amin?"

Romulus winced. That was part of their partnership agreement. One of them had to be at the gallery at all times, and if necessary they would have to call the other in to take over their shift, and make up for it at another opportunity.

"You're right," he conceded. "At the very least, do you think it'll be okay if I sent Toris to check on you?"

Lovino was silent for a moment.

"I guess that would be okay," Lovino said. "Does he know where it is?"

"I'll make sure that he'll know where to go," Romulus replied.

As soon as he hung up, he called Toris into his office. The Lithuanian smiled politely, but Romulus could see that he was somewhat nervous.

"Y-yes, Mr Vargas?" Toris said nervously.

"I need you to go to my house," Romulus said. "Lovino passed out and fell down the stairs. He's hurt, and we need to check on him, and if necessary, take him to the hospital. Do you think you could do that?"

Toris appeared surprised, and if not for the serious situation, he would have laughed at the gobsmacked look on his face.

"A-are you sure?" Toris asked.

"I can't leave until Amin arrives," Romulus said. "I'm worried about my son, and I want you to make sure he's alright."

Toris still looked unsure, but he nodded his head. Romulus gave him his house and car keys, reminding him of the address yet again. Toris nodded again and left, and Romulus hoped that everything would go alright.

…

Toris couldn't quite believe what was happening. His boss trusted him enough to go with his car to his house. If he knew that he had been desperate enough to attempt to rob a pharmacy, he probably wouldn't be so eager to trust him. Especially if he heard that that was how he met his son. That Toris aimed a weapon at his son's head.

If Romulus ever discovered any of that, then Toris saw a jailcell in his future.

He was just glad that none of it earned him a criminal record. No convictions meant no record. He knew that he should probably have turned himself in, but nothing was stolen, and no damage was done, so he would only really be guilty of attempted robbery and unlawful possession of a weapon – which he disposed of.

Toris was actually more than happy to receive this much trust. It was more than he thought he deserved. And seven weeks ago, it was something that he never thought he'd be able to get.

And he had Lovino to thank for that.

If it was not for Lovino forcing him to re-evaluate his life, Toris wouldn't have made the decision to take control over it. He would have still been in a pit of despair, drowning in his own self-pity. And knowing that his current task was to help Lovino, he realised that it was a great opportunity to thank the boy responsible for saving his life.

That was worth more than the trust he was given.

He looked around for the address, finally finding the correct house. He pulled into the driveway, locking the door and making his way to the front door. He entered and hesitated. He had no idea which way to go.

"Lovino?" he called out.

"Over here," a weak voice replied.

Toris looked down at the sound of a puppy barking. He smiled and bent down to pet her.

"Hello," he said softly. "Where's your master?"

She turned away and after closing the door behind him he followed the puppy. There was a telephone table and seat in the hallway, and Lovino was sitting on the chair. His back was against the wall and his eyes were closed.

"Lovino!" he called out. "Are you alright?"

Lovino cracked his eyes open and smiled.

"What took you so long?" Lovino joked weakly.

"Sorry for the wait," Toris said. "Your father said you're hurt. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I passed out at the top of the stairs, and woke up at the bottom. Everything hurts, but I don't think anything's broken."

"Okay. Do you mind if I check on your joints? Nothing might be broken, but something might be sprained. Is that alright?"

Lovino nodded, Toris gently started investigating his shoulders, elbows, wrists, knees and ankles. There were a few places where he winced in pain, but it didn't seem as though it was too serious. He also tried to see if Lovino had a concussion, and it seemed as though that was a distinct possibility.

He tried to go through the list of possible symptoms of a concussion, but it was made more difficult by the fact that Lovino was already sick. In the end, Toris felt Lovino's forehead.

"I think you might have a fever," he said. "Would you like some water?"

"That's why I came downstairs in the first place," Lovino replied. "Kitchen's that way."

Lovino pointed in the direction of the kitchen, and Toris quickly went to get a glass of water. He returned soon and gave the glass to Lovino, who drank it greedily. Toris had to return to the kitchen two more times before Lovino was satisfied.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Toris checked Lovino's temperature again, and found that he was still hot. He would need to get something for that.

"Do you have aspirin or something?" Toris asked.

"I'm banned from going anywhere near it," Lovino said. "Plus, my dad hid it away."

"I see…"

Toris recalled how Lovino attempted suicide via overdose. He had a suspicion he knew what he used. In which case, he wouldn't be able to approach it.

"Um…" Lovino suddenly said. "I think he might have left two pills on my bedside table. Just in case I _did_ get a fever."

"Okay," Toris said. "Then I guess it would be better for us to get you to your room, right?"

Lovino nodded, and Toris helped him upstairs. He winced when he saw glass shards at the top of the stairs, and he and Lovino had to be careful that he didn't step in those shards with his bare feet. And they also had the challenge of keeping the puppy away.

The problem was solved when Lovino picked her up and carried her to his room.

"I'll clean that up later," Toris said.

The pills were indeed on the bedside table, and Toris had to fetch water again. After drinking, Lovino settled down on the bed again, the puppy settling on his chest.

"I'll be back," Toris said. "Let me just clear away the glass."

Lovino absently nodded, snuggling into the bedsheets. Toris smiled, before he went to go clear away the broken glass. He made extra sure to get the small shards. Not only was he worried about Lovino's feet, but there was a curious puppy to be mindful of. And he didn't want to know what his boss would say if it turned out one of his sons or his dog got injured because he neglected a small shard of glass.

When he was absolutely sure that all the glass was cleared away he went to check on Lovino again. The boy was fast asleep, his cheeks still flushed. He felt worried about leaving Lovino here alone when he had a fever. He should probably let Romulus know about the situation.

As he moved to leave, he noticed an open notebook on the desk, instinctively knowing that he should probably close the book. He moved to do just that, but then he caught sight of the words on the page. He frowned, realising that it looked like some sort of narrative.

Curiosity gripping him, he started reading the notebook. It seemed as though Lovino had started writing a novel or something. It might have been the raw materials, but it showed promise.

When he reached the last page that Lovino had been working on, he realised his error. He overstepped his boundaries and invaded Lovino's privacy. He closed the book, looking back at Lovino. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Lovino was still asleep, though the puppy was watching him. Judging him.

As silently as he could, he left the room and made his way to the phone, calling the gallery and informing Romulus of the situation. He was given permission to remain with Lovino until he was sure that his fever had fallen. Toris promised to take good care of Lovino, and after hanging up, Toris tried to think of a way in which he could make himself useful.

Twenty minutes later, Toris found that Lovino seemed to feel a bit better. He woke Lovino up and informed him that he would be leaving.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Toris asked.

"Si," Lovino said. "Thank you."

He wanted to tell Lovino that he should continue with the novel he seemed to have started, but he didn't want to admit that he'd invaded his privacy. So instead, he hoped to see the finished work one day.


	57. Chapter 57

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, Cat on the table and Praise's Waterfall for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 57**

It was Thursday afternoon and Lovino was in the living room with Feliciano and Marcello, watching a movie while doing their homework. Lovino bore a slight resemblance to Rudolph, and he was still impersonating a panda, but he was feeling better. And he was (hopefully) no longer contagious.

He had to pause for a moment as a sneezing fit hit him, and when that was done he grabbed a tissue from the box on the table.

"Are you okay?" Marcello asked.

Lovino nodded as he tossed the used tissue in the wastebasket next to him.

"Ve, do you think you'll be okay on Saturday?" Feliciano asked.

"Ask me again tomorrow," Lovino replied.

They'd been keeping in touch with both circles of friends, and it was decided that whether or not they would all go to the concert depended on Lovino's health. Still, Feliciano would go to support Roderich, so at least he wouldn't be letting his friend down.

Lovino sighed in relief when he finally managed to finish the essay that he had been working on. Feliks had given him all of the week's homework on Tuesday. Apparently, the teachers thought that this was better. He was given enough time, and there was a possibility that he might have been one or two periods ahead.

Just because it was planned didn't always mean that it worked out like that. And depending on the class and their mood, lesson plans weren't going to go as smoothly as the teachers hoped.

He also couldn't help but wonder how things had gone for Yao. He wasn't there to be his CS partner earlier in the day. He wondered if he fell in with one of the other pairs, or if one of the groups that worked as a trio decided to allow one of their members to work with Yao.

And now he couldn't help but wonder how things had been for Yao before he transferred.

He felt the taste of orange returning, and he immediately took a bite from the strawberry yogurt. The antibiotics given to him were _not_ what he would recommend. It slightly felt as though his tongue went numb, and there was an aftertaste of orange. He didn't even like oranges. And he just _couldn't_ get rid of it.

"Are you boys finished?" Romulus asked, entering the room and looking over the three of them.

"Almost," Feliciano replied.

"Is there a specific reason why you're asking that of us _now_?" Lovino asked.

"Si," Romulus replied. "I have to go back to the gallery for a meeting. We need to come up with a new fundraiser. Feli, can I trust you with dinner?"

"Of course!" Feliciano chirped.

"Okay, don't forget. I'm going in about ten minutes. Make sure everything is locked and don't open for anyone."

Lovino rolled his eyes, though a faint smile was playing on his lips. It would seem that his father removed the first digit from their ages. Still, his concern was touching.

"Don't worry," Marcello said. "We won't."

Romulus smiled and darted out of the room. Ten minutes later he bid them goodbye, and when the door closed behind him it was silent among the three brothers.

"Just tell me when you want me to start on dinner," Feliciano said.

"I think you can start in twenty minutes," Lovino said, eyes fixed on the wall clock close to the TV.

"Would you like some help?" Marcello asked.

"Don't worry," Feliciano said. "But ideas would be great."

"We already know that it's going to be pasta," Lovino sighed. "I'm okay with it. Just don't pick something too rich."

Lovino had stopped vomiting, but there was still the lingering feeling of nausea. He didn't want to take any chances.

"I understand," Feliciano said. "So, a simple pasta. What about spaghetti and meatballs?"

Lovino thought about it for a moment, imagining the taste, and then imagining how his stomach might feel about it, and nodded his head.

"That sounds okay," he said.

Feliciano smiled.

…

Lovino's day at the moment was divided into four categories: sleeping, reading, homework, and writing. He was actually enjoying the last one very much. He never really considered himself to be a writer, but it was actually pretty liberating. He could share all of the horrible things done to him and hide behind the pages. He didn't have to admit that these were the things done to _him_.

He also checked on quite a few writing websites for tips. The most important one of all was simply to write. And that was what he did. He didn't care about it being a masterpiece or something. He didn't even care if other people actually read the novel that he was writing. All he cared about was getting everything on the pages.

He was also forced to think about his bullies, and their reasons for doing what they did to him. All of his characters needed to be fleshed out and realistic. And that included the characters based on _them_. So even if it was painful for him, he needed to come up with valid reasons why their characters would torture his main character. A series of misunderstandings, perhaps, and perhaps the character not handling trauma very well.

For all he knew, that might have been the reality.

Another of the tips he read was that he would need to continue to read as many books as he could. To write, one must enjoy reading. It also gave you a subconscious framework on how to write your own books. And especially newer novels should give an idea on the writing style.

He already knew that there was no way that the casual modern reader would appreciate something like Lovecraft or Poe. Vastly different eras, and vastly different writing styles. And he wasn't even going to _try_ with Shakespeare's style.

He actually needed to get a few more books that were recently published. It was embarrassing that he had so little by modern authors. He'd always enjoyed the classics because they reflected the eras they were written in. They revealed ways in which society had changed, and the ways in which they remained the same. That was what made them classics, after all.

The reason why he wanted to leave the house the most was because he wanted to go to the bookstore. He wanted to see if there was anything that would interest him among the newer novels.

He already checked a few of the websites, but it wasn't as helpful as he hoped it would have been.

He wanted to hold the book. To judge it in person. He didn't want to see what other people had to say about it, he wanted to hold the book himself and read the description, and base his decision on the description. He also felt the need to go to the bookstore and buy one of those 'gift' books. The last time he did so, he found the book to be highly enjoyable.

And still, he couldn't help but fantasise. He wondered if the novel he was writing would be coveted like that one day. He wondered if he would be able to show a child or teenager being bullied or suffering from depression that it wouldn't always be like that. That there were healthy ways to seek comfort. That out there would be _someone_ that could help. Even if it ultimately wasn't true, he wanted them to have hope. It was the hope that he'd gained since meeting Feliks that helped him, after all.

Somehow, the thought that his novel might one day help someone like him gave him the motivation to continue writing, even more than the relief it gave him.

For the first time in his life, he started giving serious thought to what he wanted to do in the future. He knew that it would be difficult, but literature had always brought him joy. So, perhaps, he should accept it as his calling. And if he could give someone else the joy that he experienced through reading…

Well, he couldn't think of a nobler profession.

…

Feliks winced as Lovino butchered his language. He tried to give Lovino simple sentences, but it took a few tries for him to say them correctly, and it took him a while to pronounce each word correctly. He remembered how it was when he learned English, and he gained a newfound respect for his teachers.

Lovino groaned when Feliks corrected him yet again, and he shook his head.

"It's hopeless," he said. "I'm never going to get this right."

"Hey, like, just give it some time, okay?" Feliks attempted to reassure. "Look, why don't you look at it like this: How long would you say did it take you to learn Italian?"

"It's my parents' native language. I've been speaking it since I was born."

"And how long would you say it was before you could totally discuss something like a book with someone in Italian?"

Lovino frowned.

"You mean, how long did it take me to have the skill, or someone to talk to?" he asked.

Feliks felt a twitch in his throat. He didn't want Lovino to have to think of something so painful.

"Like, skill," he replied.

Lovino was silent for a moment, before he sighed.

"I guess I see your point," he said. "There has to be an easier way to do it."

"Um, like, if you want, I have some Disney DVDs at home," Feliks said. "Dubbed in Polish. If you want, I could like let you borrow them."

Lovino scrunched up his nose. Feliks had to release his laughter when he saw that. It would seem as though he didn't like the idea of having to watch Disney movies for homework.

"Fine," Lovino sighed. "I guess I can do that…"

Feliks beamed.

"Like, I'll bring them to you tomorrow," he said. "Sound okay?"

"And if we're going to the concert tomorrow?" Lovino asked.

"Like, are you sure you'll be able to go?"

Lovino shrugged, before averting his gaze.

"Truth be told, I miss everyone," he said. "Not that I'm complaining about you being my only visitor. It's just… It feels kind of lonely."

Feliks nodded in understanding. He'd grown accustomed to having the others around as well, and the fact that he _wasn't_ excluded due to Lovino's absence only made him appreciate them more. They were also pretty lonely without Lovino. Feliks took it as a sign that they were all _meant_ to be friends.

He was tempted to reveal to Lovino the surprise they thought up, but he didn't want to spoil it. He didn't want any of them to feel disappointed that the surprise had failed.

…

Lovino had just finished combing his hair when someone knocked on his bedroom door. He turned around as Marcello poked his head in.

"Vino, there's a surprise for you," Marcello sang.

Lovino frowned as he tried to think of any reason whatsoever why there would be a 'surprise' for him. But when Marcello widened the door and revealed six familiar figures, he couldn't catch his jaw from dropping in time.

"W-what are you guys doing here?" he demanded.

"We wanted to see you," Vlad replied. "Is that so wrong?"

"B-but… when did you even _decide_ this?"

"Thursday," Miguel replied. "We had Feliks check with your dad."

Lovino turned his attention to Feliks.

"And… why didn't you _tell_ me anything about this?" he demanded.

"Like, we wanted it to be a surprise," Feliks said. "Even though I _totally_ wanted to tell you about this."

"It's a good thing you didn't," Vlad said. "Vino's face is _priceless_ right now."

Lovino looked around at them all, before his face softened into a smile.

"You guys…" he muttered. "Grazie."

They all took it as their cue to make themselves comfortable. Gupta had brought some CDs that he wanted Lovino to listen to, and Yao had brought along more fortune cookies. Lovino was actually a bit disappointed when Yao revealed that he didn't write any messages this time.

"I didn't think you'd want them," Yao said sheepishly. "I figured you'd be tired of being babied by now."

"They're still nice to read," Lovino pouted.

"Okay, then I'll make sure to write new messages for you."

"Um, Lovino?" Heracles said, looking at something on the desk. "What's this?"

Lovino turned towards the desk and felt himself pale. He quickly grabbed the notebook and held it against his chest.

"D-don't look," he begged.

"Is it a diary or something?" Gupta asked.

Lovino shook his head.

"And now I'm curious," Miguel said. "Hey, isn't that the notebook you were writing in class?"

Lovino bit his lip, hugging the book closer.

"We're just curious," Vlad said. "Just tell us what it is, and we won't pry any further. Please?"

Lovino looked at all of their faces, before he sighed.

"I… decided to write a novel," he admitted.

"Seriously?" Yao asked, eyes widening.

"And I'm going to guess that you're not ready yet for anyone to see it," Gupta said. "Correct?"

Lovino nodded his head. Vlad grinned.

"Well, I think it's a good thing," he said. "As long as you're having fun. Hopefully you'll let us read it when it's finished."

"But just focus on finishing it first," Gupta said. "You don't have to tell us what it's about, but if you'd like some help, feel free."

Lovino smiled and nodded his head. He had no doubt that they'd be willing and able to help him with the story. He was also glad that they weren't demanding him to tell them what it was about.

"I just have one question," Heracles said. "Why are you writing and not typing? I mean, wouldn't it be faster to type?"

"Si," Lovino said. "But this way, I can work on it at school. And it's just for the first draft."

Everyone agreed that it was a valid reason.

…

When the Vargas brothers were younger, their parents decided to buy a minivan in order to take the children and their friends to different destinations for different occasions. And when Lovino informed them that he felt well enough to go to that concert, they all piled inside and went off. The minivan currently had enough room, though it might be a different matter once Feliciano's and Marcello's friends – who were also invited – joined them.

Lovino was a bit upset that he had to wear a sweater and scarf, but he had to admit that the point of preventing a relapse was pretty valid.

As soon as they arrived Marcello went off to join his own friends. The others stuck close to Feliciano, since none of them even knew who they were supposed to be looking for. Except for Lovino, of course, but he wasn't confident enough to approach any of Feliciano's friends on his own.

It wasn't long before Feliciano bounced off towards a trio of dark-haired teens. He threw his arms around one of them, effectively alerting them all of his arrival.

"Ciao," Feliciano greeted.

Lovino quickly scanned the three boys. He was at least familiar with Kiku, and could be at least a little relaxed. He also recognised Roderich, who would obviously have been here, since he was the one performing in the concert. And the one that Feliciano was clinging to was Dimitri. And probably the only one that wasn't particularly uncomfortable with Feliciano clinging to him.

"Ah, you're here," Roderich said, before he turned to the other teens behind Feliciano. He immediately focused on Lovino. "It's nice to see you again, Lovino. Are you better? Feliciano said that you were sick."

"S-si," Lovino stammered. "Thank you for your concern."

Introductions were made, and they started to engage in small talk, at least until Roderich had to go set up with the other members of the orchestra. The others took it as their cue to find seats. They found seats along the aisle and took up three rows. Lovino, Feliks, Miguel and Vlad sat in front, Gupta, Heracles and Yao in the back, and Feliciano and his remaining two friends sat in the middle.

"I still find it weird that we're more or less from the same region," Dimitri said, addressing Feliks and Vlad.

"Da," Vlad agreed. "It's weird."

"Maybe not that weird," Heracles said. "After all, everyone's closer connected than you might think."

"No kidding," Yao said. "You know, I _think_ I might have had a classmate in kindergarten named Kiku."

"Really?" Kiku asked, turning to regard Yao. "Well, where did you go?"

Lovino couldn't help but chuckle when Kiku and Yao realised that they _were_ in fact alumni of the same kindergarten. And Heracles's satisfied expression absolutely sold him on that idea.

That actually made him think a bit about it. He turned to Miguel, who appeared to have been thinking of the same thing. What were the odds of going to school with the cousin of someone who had bullied you in another school in another town? And what were the odds of the two of them becoming friends?

Lovino also wondered if he could add the whole 'everyone being closer connected than thought' in his novel. Perhaps he should read up on it. Knowing Heracles's love of philosophy, perhaps there would be something related to that.

They had to wait a bit while the instruments were being set up, and Lovino could truly say that he now had a good definition for 'cacophonic'. At least the performance itself was a lot better, and Lovino found himself dancing along in his seat at one point. At least he wasn't the only one.

Afterwards, Romulus took them all to Mario's Pizzeria. It was actually strange to be there with other people. Everyone also turned to him when the waitress asked him if he wanted his usual order, and even welcomed him back.

Mario was the one that brought Lovino's order, and Lovino was surprised when the man ruffled his hair.

"Welcome back," Mario said. "Glad to see you're doing better."

Lovino blushed and smiled. It's been more than two months since he came by. And his situation had definitely changed since the last time. And he could tell that Mario was happy to see that.

**Whenever I had pneumonia or related illnesses, I usually had these **_**awful**_** antibiotics. They made the mouth go numb and had this banana aftertaste. And the worse part was, it **_**stuck**_**. You had to wait twenty-four hours after the last dose to **_**finally**_** be rid of it. My mom couldn't understand why I protested vehemently whenever I was prescribed **_**this**_** antibiotic. And then she got it too. I was laughing hard for several minutes when she texted me to tell me that she understood my point now. And the orange aftertaste that Lovino has in this chapter is because I can't eat oranges, or any citrus fruit, really. I have a slight allergy, and trust me, it's not fun if your throat starts itching on the inside. Guavas are the worst, though. Bye-bye breathing capabilities.**

**As the daughter of a teacher, I sometimes had access to confidential materials such as lesson plans. And I could easily see that, yes, we were almost **_**never**_** on schedule. And it's all because the classes were too rowdy. To give an example: In seventh grade I decided to continue working on maths while my classmates decided to return to the Stone Age. I managed to be **_**months**_** ahead of them, and I actually started the textbook from the beginning again. And it was **_**just**_** what was done in class. I didn't bother doing math at home until I graduated to eighth grade. My teachers were actually okay with me working ahead, since they knew that I was quiet and that I read a lot to make sure I understand. I also had a novel perched on my lap in several classes, and the only time the teacher would address it was to ask what it was about. It helps being the quiet kid.**

**I know that Bargain Books has this thing where they wrap a book in brown paper and only put a description of the story. You don't know who wrote it, and you can't be misled by the cover.**

**My sister and I have different opinions when it comes to choosing books. My sister likes to read ratings and reviews, while I like to focus on description and plot. It's one of the reasons why I would much rather go to a bookstore myself, while my sister has accounts on four different websites where she orders books.**

**One of the theories I have regarding language acquisition is to try to learn the language in the same way you learned your native language. So, listen to a lot of children's songs and watching Disney movies, in my case. English is my second language, but I could already understand it before being taught due to a lot of South African media being in English. I also have a theory regarding a psychological trick (I have no idea if anyone else thought of it): You learned your native language, so you can learn another language. And if you want to gain a respect for your efforts, try teaching your native language to a non-native speaker. Or just pretend as though you're going to teach it to someone else. You don't realise exactly how tricky your language actually is until that moment. And my language, Afrikaans, is considered to be one of the easier languages. I actually compared it to Polish, at least the pronunciation guide. Yeah… Afrikaans has a longer pronunciation section. The letter 'e' alone has about five different pronunciations.**

**When I'm starting with a language, I usually try to find Disney songs as soon as possible. In the first place, your ears can become accustomed to the sound of the language, and second, since you already know the songs, you can guess what the translations might be saying. The differences especially stick out. Also, it's interesting to see how familiar songs can sound different in another language. Just… the **_**tone**_** of the song. You also get a lot of DVDs with different language options. I'm still surprised to see languages like Romanian on South African DVDs. Portuguese, French and German are understandable since they have a presence in the country, but **_**Romanian**_**?**

**My sister was part of the province's youth orchestra, and even in the year when she didn't take part, we went to watch one of the concerts. Let's just say, neither my sister nor I could sit still when the **_**Chicago**_** medley was playing.**


	58. Chapter 58

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, MonalisaRomano17, Cat on the table, Praise's Waterfall and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 58**

Two months had passed since Lovino's encounter with Gilbert, and Lovino was starting to relax again. For a few weeks he had been paranoid about going into town, afraid of encountering any of _them_ again, especially when he was alone and vulnerable. He was especially worried whenever he went on a walk with Chiara.

Two weeks after recovering from the pneumonia he had been inflicted with, his father decided that it was time for him to take the dog out for a walk. Since she was still young, she didn't require a long distance yet, and it was also a great way for Lovino to get his body fit again. Because even though he had been used to walking a lot, two months without doing so tended to affect a person.

For the first few weeks either Marcello or Feliciano would accompany him, which made Lovino relax a bit. But eventually Feliciano started getting a bit too busy to accompany him.

The gallery had decided on a fundraiser, namely to allow the students at the local schools to participate in a sort of auction, where people could bid for the artworks that the children provided. It also served as a competition, where the winners of the different categories would get a prize, sponsored by the gallery. They were simple things, such as a voucher for Mario's Pizzeria. However, there _was_ a specific prize that would interest a lot of the participants of various ages.

Romulus had a friend that ran an art school. The children who showed promise were offered free enrolment in the art school for a year, and for the high school students especially that wanted to study fine arts on a university level, the school was willing to offer a scholarship for the course.

Feliciano _really_ wanted to participate in that, and he had in fact been looking at the fine arts degrees of many universities. He'd been working on different projects in different mediums, eager for at least one of them to be considered good enough.

And then Marcello only occasionally accompanied him. It was originally only to allow Lovino to feel comfortable again about being out in the town that treated him unfairly, and it was getting better.

Lovino sighed as he adjusted his grip on the leash. He was walking Chiara on his own again, though he couldn't exactly blame his brothers for it. Marcello had two tests the following day, and Feliciano was still working on his art. It might be a while before Lovino had his twin's company for these walks again.

"Lovino?"

He came to a sudden stop when he heard the sound of his name. He scanned the area for the speaker, and it wasn't long before he found a familiar face. Apparently this was her home.

"Hey Elizaveta," he greeted, keeping his voice as neutral as possible.

He was a bit unnerved by the way she stared at him, though at least she didn't have a scowl on her face. Eventually, though, she smiled.

"You look well," she said.

"Thanks," he replied. "Um, you too."

He had always been uncomfortable around Elizaveta, probably because of the fact that she outright hated him, and he could never figure out what the basis for that hatred was. He also knew that she had actively been trying to discourage Feliks from befriending him. And now, seeing her looking at him without hostility made him rather nervous.

"So, how's the new school?" she asked. "Did you manage to make some new friends?"

"S-si," he said. "Um, they're pretty nice."

"That's nice to hear."

They fell into an awkward silence. Lovino looked down, seeing that the reason why she was outside was because she was doing some gardening.

"Um, that's a cute dog," Elizaveta said. "Is it yours?"

"Si," Lovino said, bending down to scratch the curious pup behind the ears. "She's about five months old now."

"Oh, so it's a she. May I pet her?"

Lovino nodded, and Elizaveta started scratching Chiara on the side of her neck. Lovino smiled when he saw the tail gaining speed from the attention given to her.

"Such a sweet dog," she cooed. "And so well-behaved."

Lovino smiled. Hearing someone praise his dog made him feel proud for some reason. Like a parent.

"So, what's her name?" Elizaveta asked.

"Chiara," Lovino said. "I named her after my mom. The last person who cared about me for ten years."

He didn't mean to say it like that, but it was true, in a sense. For ten years, he was under the impression that his mother was the only person who loved him, and since she died, she was the last person.

Elizaveta flinched, and she turned to face Lovino. He was surprised to see that she looked ashamed.

"Listen, Lovino," she said. "I'm… sorry about everything. The things I said, how I treated you…"

He swallowed a lump in his throat and shook his head.

"Forget about it," he said. "I just want to put all of that behind me."

He really wanted to, and writing the novel was a great way for him to process everything. Some of the things were particularly painful, and sometimes he would have to take a break. And he found that Chiara could easily notice when he was upset and went to comfort him. And if something like this happened at school, one of the others tended to respond.

By now, they'd learned what the book was about, and they were a bit worried about the occasional state of depression he would enter. This usually required him to share the particular experience that brought him to that state, and they were quick to ease his mind. The fact that they believed him was already a huge relief, because when he tried informing teachers in the past, it didn't work out.

"Anyway, I think I need to be going now," he said, standing straight again.

"Right," she said, straightening as well. "It was nice to see you again. Take care."

He nodded his head, his voice failing him. He could only mouth 'you too', before he turned back and started making his way back to his home.

…

The next day in Literature class, Mr Kirkland asked Lovino to stay behind. He wondered if there was something wrong with the latest essay he handed in. But he wasn't too panicked. If he needed to clarify something, he would do so calmly.

Arthur smiled at him, and Lovino realised that there was nothing wrong. In fact, the teacher looked to be thrilled about something.

"What's going on, Mr Kirkland?" Lovino asked.

"Well, I managed to find something that I think you'd like," the teacher said. He handed a flyer to Lovino. "It's next weekend, if you're interested."

Lovino examined the flyer, and he felt a jolt when he saw that it was an advertisement for a writing workshop. It was guaranteed to help with all types of writing, from short stories, plays and novels. There was just a registration fee, but he didn't think that his father would have a problem. A few months ago, yes, but they'd moved beyond that.

"Thank you," Lovino said.

"So, how is that novel of yours progressing?" Arthur asked casually.

"It's… Um, I think I'm reaching the central conflict."

Arthur also knew what the novel was about, and would often offer advice to Lovino as well.

"That's great to hear," Arthur said. "I have to say, I'm impressed by your dedication."

"Thank you," Lovino said. "Um… Would it be okay… if I finish it… could I give it to you to look at?"

Arthur looked surprised for a moment, before smiling softly and nodding his head.

"I'm honoured that you would ask me that," Arthur said. "Of course. So, finish it as soon as you can, but don't rush, alright?"

Lovino nodded, smiling brightly.

…

"A writing workshop?" Gupta asked, examining the flyer.

Lovino nodded, taking a sip of his water. Those sitting nearest to Gupta were looking over his shoulder, and Lovino actually found it to be very funny.

"So, like, are you going?" Feliks asked.

"I'm thinking about it," Lovino said. "There's just one possible problem. I don't think my father is going to let me go on my own."

"I see," Miguel said. "You want to know if one of us would want to come with you?"

Lovino nodded. Truth be told, he didn't know if his father would have a problem with it, but he didn't want to do something like this on his own. The others exchanged looks, and Gupta handed the flyer back to him.

"I'll see if I can," Gupta said.

"_I _can't," Miguel sighed. "It's my uncle's birthday, and the whole family's going to celebrate it."

"That means you'll be seeing Antonio again," Lovino said. "Be careful, okay?"

Lovino knew that there had been quite a bit of tension between the cousins, and he knew that he was in the middle of it. Also, knowing Antonio, he would want someone to take his frustration out on.

"Don't worry," Miguel said. "I will be."

"Still, this _should_ be interesting," Vlad said. "I'll check with my parents too."

Lovino smiled. He was looking forward to see what the workshop would be like. It would actually be the first time he did something like this, and it was something that he enjoyed. He hoped that it would help the novel he was writing.

…

Romulus was working in the study when someone knocked. He looked up as Lovino entered.

"Hey," Romulus greeted. "What's up?"

"Mr Kirkland gave me a flyer today," Lovino said, handing the paper over. "I'm interested in going."

Romulus examined the paper, eyebrow arching.

"A writing workshop?" he questioned.

He didn't know that Lovino was interested in writing. He knew that Lovino was fond of reading, but did Lovino want to write as well? Thinking about it, it might make sense. Lovino found joy in literature, and writing was another form of enjoying literature.

"I also invited my friends to come too," Lovino said. "So, I won't be on my own."

That of course was an important point, since it was in another neighbouring town. Romulus examined it carefully again before nodding.

"Alright," he said. "But under one condition: Someone else _will_ be with you, alright?"

Lovino nodded and smiled. He thanked his father before leaving the study.

A small smile played on Romulus's lips. It was always a joy to see how much Lovino had changed in the past few months. He was smiling more, and even participated in more activities with the rest now. There were still occasions when he retreated into himself, but it was okay. It might take _years_ for him to completely move on, but at least the first steps had been taken.

But there was still the matter of the nightmares.

Both Fryderyk and Matthew agreed that prolonged use of the sleeping pills wouldn't do them any good, so they'd tried to wean him from it. However, on the nights when he didn't drink the pills, Lovino would still get nightmares, and he would often scream and wake Romulus. Thankfully, Marcello and Feliciano were heavy sleepers, but Romulus would still need to go comfort his son, who would often refuse to share the details of the nightmare. On the rare occasion when Lovino _would_ tell him about it…

He had to admire Lovino's strength of character for not going insane from all of the abuse.

Strangely, though, when Lovino would take a nap in the middle of the day he tended to be nightmare-free. Matthew believed that there might have been a subconscious trigger that caused the nightmares during the night, but not during the daytime naps. Lovino himself couldn't think of anything that might have caused something like that.

They had to accept that just because he was happier didn't mean that he was completely recovered. Four months couldn't undo ten years. But they would be patient, and they would be supportive. That was all that they could do.

…

"This is nice," Feliks said.

For their weekly get-together, the friends had gone bowling. Since there were seven of them, they decided to divide into two groups. Lovino, Feliks and Miguel in one group with Yao, Vlad, Gupta and Heracles in the other.

"Sim," Miguel agreed. "I can't remember the last time I went bowling."

"I think there was only one time _I _went," Lovino said, selecting a ball. "My dad had some sort of conference at the casino and he needed to give us something to do."

"He took you to a casino?" Miguel questioned.

Lovino quickly went to bowl, and when he was finished he returned to the others.

"Well, he would have been gone for a huge chunk of the day," he said. "His business partner has an older kid, so he took us bowling, and afterwards we went swimming. The owners of the place knew that kids needed something to do too. I think it was Ruby Casino."

"Oh, that makes more sense," Miguel said, grabbing a ball for his turn as well.

"I don't get it," Feliks admitted.

"Ruby Casino sponsors a lot of conferences and stuff," Lovino explained. "It also has a theatre for those interested. It's about two hours away, and it also has guest houses for those that need it, but it can get a bit expensive if you have to stay there, and they have a lot of other things too. It's not exactly a resort, but it's the closest thing anywhere nearby."

Feliks nodded to show his understanding.

"So, like, what kind of conference would your dad have there?" he asked. "Like, doesn't he own a gallery?"

Lovino was silent for a moment, before he shook his head.

"Sorry, my mistake," he said. "I think it was an auction, now that you mention it. I think I remember a bunch of stuff being delivered not long after that."

Feliks nodded his head, before he went for his turn. Miguel checked the score and grinned.

"Looks like we're tied," he said. "So, want to make things interesting?"

Lovino lifted his eyebrow, prompting Miguel to continue.

"Whoever loses has to buy the winner's lunch," Miguel said.

Lovino chuckled.

"Sounds reasonable," he said. "Okay, I accept."

Half an hour later, the group had gone to the nearby diner for lunch, and Lovino was checking to make sure he had enough cash on him.

"By the way, Vino," Gupta said, turning to Lovino. "My mom says it's okay for me to join the workshop."

"Same," Heracles added.

"I can't," Vlad pouted. "Too expensive."

Lovino flinched. He knew that Vlad's family had a bit of trouble when it came to finances, and it was already amazing that he could participate in most of the activities with the group. Perhaps because the others tended to pitch in to cover the cost. But Lovino could see that Vlad actually _wanted _to go.

He wondered if there was a way to twist his father's arm.

…

Lovino sighed as he examined the words on the screen. He was taking a break from writing, and had decided to explore Polish a bit more. He found a decent online translator to check words, and perhaps he could impress Feliks with his willingness to engage the language a bit more.

Out of curiosity, he typed in 'novel', but he didn't think it was the right homonym. The fact that there was only one word listed made him think like that, and also because the Esperanto word didn't look like it was a noun.

When he found out that there were only sixteen basic grammar rules in Esperanto, he immediately went to check those rules, and he could clearly remember that adjectives, such as the one given here, ended in 'a'. This had become a useful tool for the Polish translations, because then he could get an idea about whether or not it was the correct word. He didn't know why the Esperanto translations were given as well, but he didn't mind.

Out of curiosity, he decided to specifically check the Esperanto translation of 'novel'. And then he froze. He quickly jumped up and ran to his father's study, knocking quickly on the door before going in.

"Lovino?" Romulus asked. "Is something wrong?"

"N-no," Lovino stammered. "I just want to make sure… What did you say the name was that Mama wanted to give me? The name that could have been my middle name?"

Romulus frowned, obviously not expecting that question.

"It's Romano," he said. "Why?"

Lovino didn't respond, instead running towards his room again. His eyes immediately fell on the book that he was writing, and he was struck by an epiphany.

He had been nervous about the possibility of having the book published. For one thing, if he and his brothers had gotten the meaning of his name mixed up, and the trio also knew about it… How many other people might have believed it meant that as well? How many people wanted to read something by an author whose name meant 'I ruin'? And the possibility of a _nom de plume_ had certainly niggled at his mind.

But now he had the perfect name. It might have been fate, only a bit derailed. And it was a great way of honouring his mother. If the name that she had wanted to give him was the name that he wanted to use as an author…

He sat down and opened the book. Break time was over. He had a novel to continue writing. He was eager to have the name on the cover now. The name he embraced. The name that could have been his. The meaningful name.

Having a name that meant 'novel' might have been some type of cliché, but Lovino didn't care. He looked at the screen and imagined having the name on the bookshelves.

Romano Vargas.

**Remember when I said that I found a part for Esperanto to play? Well, there you have it. My mind did all sorts of somersaults when I saw the Esperanto word for novel is 'romano'. The inside of my mind looked like it belonged to some sort of conspiracy theorist as plot threads started to come in place.**

**There's a place not too far from my town called Emerald Casino. It wasn't too strange for the school to take kids there. They had a nice swimming pool (I think it might have been with the choir, I don't know anymore). It also had a bowling alley and an arcade. It's been years since I went there, and I didn't bother to google it now. There's also Montecasino which advertises a lot of plays available. Two or three years ago we went to see **_**The Sound of Music**_** there.**

**My school had little sympathy for if you had more than one test a day. However, if you had already had three tests and a fourth teacher wanted to set you one, you have the right and responsibility to speak up.**

**For my job as an editor in a bilingual company, I tend to use Majstro to check translations. It's just easier than flipping through the dictionary (though plenty of them are present too). One thing I noticed that's interesting is that a lot of translations also listed Esperanto, even if it's not the language you're looking for. I checked with Polish, and if you type in 'novel', the word given would basically mean 'new'. So the reason why Esperanto snuck its way in is because Lovino is using the same online dictionary.**

**Lastly, an interesting fact: the Afrikaans word for a **_**nom de plume**_** is 'skuilnaam', which means 'hiding name' (skuil means to hide or take shelter from, and naam is name).**


	59. Chapter 59

**Thanks to Praise's Waterfall for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 59**

"Hey," Lovino greeted as soon as he saw Vlad on Monday morning. "I have good news."

"Yeah?" Vlad prompted, looking excited.

"So, I talked to my dad, and he's willing to sponsor you for the workshop this weekend."

Vlad's face fell and he sighed.

"I appreciate the offer," he said, "but I don't want you spending so much money on my behalf. I don't want any charity."

"I had a feeling you'd say that," Lovino said. "Which is why my dad and I made an agreement. The gallery has a fundraiser, and on that day he's going to need some help. Setting things up, cleaning afterwards, telling people where to find the bathrooms… things like that. Since it's a fundraiser, he doesn't want to spend a lot of money on hiring people. So, if you accept the sponsorship, then you're also volunteering for the fundraiser."

Vlad stared at him for a moment, before he smirked.

"That is sneaky and underhanded," he said. "But fair. So, when's this fundraiser, and what does it involve?"

"It's next Saturday," Lovino replied. "It's kind of like an auction for the artworks made by the kids. People 'bid' and donate their biddings to the gallery. They don't really have to take the work unless they really want to, but if they leave it, it makes it possible for another bidding later in the day. Kids of all ages will be taking part."

"That's interesting. And kind of giving them a taste of how the outside world is like. Will the kids at least get something out of it?"

"There's a competition for the best entries in each category, but they all get a gift for their participation, and they get free entry to the gallery for a year. They also agree that any money made on their entries will be for the gallery."

"Okay. Well, the concept sounds interesting. And I guess it's a way to get kids interested in art. I wonder if I can get my brother involved too."

"He's welcome to participate if he wants to. I'll give you the details later."

Lovino's eyes trailed to the teacher, who had just entered the class. Any further discussions would have to wait.

…

"It's been a few months now, and there's definitely progress," Matthew announced as he examined his notes. "Good job. I'm really proud of you."

Lovino beamed at the praise. Even he would admit that the way he felt now was different than the way he felt four months ago. And he knew who he should thank for that.

"So, care to tell me how your novel is coming along?" Matthew asked.

"It's going well," Lovino said. "I also decided… I wanted to use a pseudonym."

"Really? Any particular reason?"

"S-si. You see… for the longest time, I thought my name meant 'I ruin'. And _those_ _three_ also learned about the word _rovino_."

"Yeah, I can hear the similarities. I'm guessing they gave you grief about your name."

"Si. They did. I want to escape from that. I also don't want any potential readers to make that mistake too. I mean, who would want to read a book written by someone whose name means 'I ruin'?"

Matthew pursed his lips, before he nodded.

"I can see why that would be a problem for you," he said. "But you shouldn't let your name be a cause of fear or shame."

"My dad at least explained where the name came from," Lovino said. "It was the nickname of a kid who saved his life. But… the name I chose isn't _technically_ running away from my name. It's what my mom wanted to call me, and it would have been my middle name. And it means 'novel' in Esperanto."

"So, you started learning Esperanto?"

"I just studied the rules. Feliks is actually teaching me Polish, which isn't so easy. I've been checking a few translations, you know, to help my vocabulary a bit. The website I use also has the Esperanto translations, for some reason."

"And that's where you saw this?"

Lovino nodded.

"I decided to write as Romano Vargas," he said. "In that way, I'm also honouring my mother. Is that okay?"

Matthew smiled warmly.

"That's not up to me to decide," he said. "As long as you feel happy, and as long as you believe that the intention is good, then no one is allowed to judge your choice. Now you've got me excited to see Romano Vargas on the bookshelf."

Lovino beamed. He'd gotten to know Matthew well enough to know that it wasn't simple praise. The man actually meant it.

…

Francis groaned as he slumped forward. Well, toilet was clean. He just wanted to rest, and he should probably do it away from the toilet.

"Is the little prince tired?" Evelyn asked.

Francis wasn't particularly happy about the housekeeper's attitude, but he had to bear with it. He still had a few weeks left of his grounding. He didn't want to give his parents any reason to increase the duration even further.

He would need to be patient. And once Antonio and Gilbert were free as well, they would have to repay Lovino for this humiliation.

…

The workshop would take place across two days. The first session was on the Friday, and the second on the Saturday. Mr Kirkland had volunteered to take the students, since he was the one that suggested it to Lovino in the first place. And as a teacher of literature, he had an interest in the material as well.

The workshop took place at the local university, and started at a time when everyone would be able to come. As they made their way towards the lecture hall, Lovino was a bit side-tracked by the flyers posted on one of the bulletin boards. They were all about the university's school of languages. Among them was Creative Writing.

He could also see booklets of the school of languages, and he grabbed one. He would have to apply for university soon, and it would be a good idea to start looking for possibilities. Lovino then rushed to catch up with the others.

Arthur glanced back at him, and smiled when he saw the booklet in his hand. He nodded in approval before turning back to the front, where they could see a table with drinks and snacks set out.

"It should be another ten minutes," Arthur said. "Feel free to indulge in some of the snacks."

At their teacher's approval, the four teens immediately descended upon the table. Lovino chose some of the biscuits laid out, before fixing himself a cup of coffee, thankful that they had the ground coffee there and that it wasn't made beforehand. Those things could be a bit watered down for his taste.

"I'm assuming you're the high school students."

They all turned to see someone approaching them. He looked at each of them in turn, a gleam in his eyes. He looked thrilled. Arthur turned to regard the man and smiled.

"Ah, Winston James, am I correct?" Arthur asked.

"Indeed I am," the man said.

The two men shook hands, and Lovino immediately understood. The man was one of the organisers. After Arthur introduced himself, Winston turned back to regard them.

"I'm always thrilled to see young people interested in the literary arts," Winston said. "Have any of you considered a career as a writer?"

Lovino felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to see that it belonged to Arthur.

"Well, Lovino here's been working on a novel for the last two months or so," Arthur said. "And he's quite good. His short stories are always a thrill to read."

Lovino blushed at the praise, and the blush darkened when he realised that Winston's full attention was now on him.

"Glad to hear that," Winston said. "If you don't mind me asking, would you tell me what it's about?"

Lovino flinched, averting his gaze.

"It's… kind of autobiographical," Lovino explained.

"Ah," Winston said, nodding. "A painful part of your past. Might I offer some advice? Never be ashamed of what you're working on, or what inspired you to write it. We all have stories to tell. Some of them are based in reality, some have affected us deeply, and some of them are things we wish to say. A fight against injustice. A love that was not meant to be. We all have these tales within us. It's our job as writers to bring them out in the open, because no matter what, they _will_ resonate with someone. Write for those who wish to read what you have to write."

Lovino smiled at the man's words. Simply hearing them made him feel warm inside. And it made him think that, perhaps, there would be people willing to read what he had written.

A few minutes later, they were all allowed into the lecture hall. Lovino was surprised to see a bag at each seat, and when he opened the bag, he saw that it contained a programme of the activities, notes, a pen, a literature magazine (which he didn't even know existed until that moment) and a notepad.

"Is this normal?" Lovino asked.

"Indeed it is," Arthur said. "At workshops, they usually give you all you need. And I must say, the bags this time are quite beautiful."

"Have you been to this kind of thing before, Mr Kirkland?" Vlad asked.

"I'm a teacher. Workshops are part of the package."

The first part was essentially an introduction of the presenters, including Winston. One of the other presenters, Madeline Grace, was one of the screenwriters of a soap opera, and the third presenter, Pierre Andrews, was a poet with a few collections already published.

Next, there was a discussion of the literary genres, starting with the main genres of poetry, prose and drama, accompanied by a spider graph of the subgenres.

"With prose and drama, narrative is key," Madeline said. "In the case of drama especially, everything that you bring in needs to play a part of the narrative. No red herrings, keep the subplots to a minimum, and focus on the characters. With prose you can stray a little, especially with longer works, but in the case of short stories, keep everything relevant. And when writing poetry, thoughts and emotions are key. Focus on the message."

Lovino wrote all of this down, determined not to miss anything. She continued with the literary genres, going into more detail with all of them, and then Winston took over as he started discussing the storyline.

"When writing a narrative, whether it be a play, short story, novella or novel, plot is the most important factor," Winston explained. "Use the question words when planning your story: who, what, when, where, why, how. Use these six questions as your basis, and work from there."

Lovino wrote them all down as well, thinking back to his own novel and pleased that he had, in fact, included these six questions during the planning phase.

"Many authors have many approaches when it comes to their writing," Winston continued. "While some do extensive planning, which includes worldbuilding, other authors simply dive in, and allow the story to be told the way the story wants to be told. Some describe it as driving at night with the headlights on. You don't know what's ahead of you until you're almost on top of it. None of these are _wrong_, and it's all a matter of personal taste."

Winston then proceeded to explain his own approach, which involved ten steps when it came to writing a story. He also recommended it for people who were just starting out.

"The first step is to decide what you want to say," Winston said. "Many stories have a central theme or a message, though this isn't a requirement. Social commentary is, of course, one of the most popular themes. These messages do not have to be heavy or negative, and even if you choose something heavy and negative, it's also possible to convey these stories in a light-hearted or even comical way. Satire and allegory are among the ways in which you could attempt to do so."

Well, Lovino had a central theme: bullying, and what it could do to a person. He also wanted to show any potential reader going through something like that that there was always hope, one just needed to know how to look for it, and be brave enough to try.

"The second step is to decide on the characters," Winston continued. "These are of course the people acting out your message. Be careful of writing one-dimensional characters. Try to describe them. For example: the main character is a nerd." Winston was silent as he examined everyone. "You all got a picture in your minds, didn't you? You imagined someone with a pair of thick glasses, perhaps buckteeth and braces, and with outdated fashion. Be careful of writing stereotypes. Now, if I were to say that the main character is a seventeen-year-old high school student with social anxiety who excels in mathematics and sciences, and who is lonely and has a strong need of friends… That character seems more human, don't you think?"

Lovino sighed, thinking about his own characters. He'd tried to make them as fleshed-out as possible, but he wondered if he'd allowed them to become stereotypes.

"Step three is to consider the circumstances. Now, imagine, for a moment, a rabbi, imam and priest in a jailcell. How did the three of them get there? Are their stories connected, or do they perhaps share their individual stories with each other in order to pass the time?"

Circumstances. Lovino might want to consider revising that one.

"Step four is where you start making notes about what happens in the story. This is essentially brain storming, and you don't have to include _everything_. Just imagine as many events as possible, and try to incorporate them. This is most often the most enjoyable part of the story-writing process."

Since the events of Lovino's novel were based on his own experiences, he had an abundance of events that occurred. The most difficult was trying to decide whether they would be part of the backstory or the main story.

"Step five is to decide how the story will end. Some writers find it easier to think of the ending first. They know what the goal is, and they work on reaching the goal. That way, they believe, the story doesn't stray too much. Other writers prefer to focus on the characters and events, and see where the story takes them."

An ending. That was something that Lovino needed to work on as well.

"Step six, and I know this might seem strange, is to choose a beginning. Now that you know how the story will end, you need to decide on a starting point."

Beginning was settled. Lovino had chosen a prologue where his main character considered suicide for the first time while his bullies were attempting to drown him. Again, based on his own experiences.

"Step seven, and this is particularly true for longer works, is to decide on the different scenes. Start with a framework of the main events, and then write what's going to happen with each scene. Let's go back to our socially awkward teenager. He has a crush on a popular girl in his school, but he has no courage to talk to her. And now, they're paired up on a project. The first scene could be where the two of them are paired up. The second of where they start to work on the project in the library. The third could be where some popular jock starts to flirt with the girl or pick on the socially awkward teenager. The fourth is where the boy stands up for himself. The fifth is where he admits that he likes the girl. And the last scene could be where she either accepts or rejects him."

Lovino was fairly confident in the events he'd chosen, and how they flowed with one another.

"The eighth step is to write a synopsis, where you describe what happens with each scene. It's crucial to write this as complete as possible. Essentially, when you finish the synopsis, your planning is pretty much finished."

…That one might be something he should look at again.

"Step nine is the most important step of them all: Start writing. Your planning is finished, so now it's important to write the story in all its entirety. Keep the characters in mind. Make sure that what they say or do is something that they _would_ say or do. This process might take the longest, and is the most susceptible to the horror that is writer's block. That is what all the prior planning was for. Write your story, and don't stop until you're finished."

That was what Lovino had been doing for the last two months.

"And finally, the last step: read and rewrite. No matter how experienced or how skilled you think you are, _no one_ is going to have a masterpiece on the first draft. What you do at this point is read through it again, and then rewrite. Did the characters stay in character? Did you stay within the confines of the setting? Are there any contradictions?" Winston gave a wry smile. "On average, I'd say that you write your story about five times. One thing I'd suggest is to let your story rest in a drawer for a few weeks before reading through it. This creates distance, and allows you to spot any mistakes that you wouldn't have caught if you were still deeply involved."

Read and rewrite. Lovino didn't look forward to rewriting the text, but he supposed that he could see the method in the madness. Read and rewrite.

When Winston was finished, they had a short intermission. Lovino used this time to go to the bathroom, and when he returned, he nearly bumped into Winston.

"Sorry," Lovino apologised.

"Quite alright," Winston said. "So, how are you finding things so far?"

"To be honest… I appreciate those ten steps. It gave me something to think about."

**It's been **_**years**_** since I took part in a workshop, but one that I definitely took part in back in 2014 was a writing workshop (though it specifically focused on playwriting), offered by the ATKV (the Afrikaans Language and Culture Association – **_**Afrikaans Taal- en Kultuurvereniging**_**). I kept the programme and the notes they gave us, which includes these ten steps (though I translated and paraphrased all of them). Personally, I prefer to write the story the way the story wants to be written. In other words, I suck at planning.**

**I studied Language and Literature Study at my university, which is part of the School of Languages. My majors were French and German, and my minor was Creative Writing. I also had two years of Afrikaans/Dutch, and a year of History (that's how the programme worked: two majors, a minor, and two extra subjects which is then dropped over the next two years, though you can still get an extra subject in a later year if your schedule and finances allow for it; to be fair, there are huge gaps on the schedule and the course itself is pretty cheap (unless you have Afrikaans and/or English in the third year, which is **_**double**_** the cost of the other subjects), and the biggest problem regarding the schedule is whether or not your subjects clash with each other). There's also a mandatory philosophy subject in the second and third years, which can be seen in almost every field of study in the university. I managed to get an exemption for the second-year subject, but not the third-year. Philosophy is fun when it's not mandatory. You also get an academic literacy subject in your first year, which is divided into three parts: academic writing, reading skills and computer skills. This was a pretty tedious subject for everyone, but the reading is fine if you're able to read more than 220 words per minute. I managed to get an exemption due to my reading speed, but a misunderstanding had me return to the reading lab. After seeing my score, it was decided that I would only do five sessions instead of thirteen, and then the exam. My average was 340 words per minute, my record 414, and with a migraine I get 280. The exam was with a migraine, and we discovered that I never lost my exemption, so I spent five sessions there for no reason. Well, if anyone was curious about how it worked in my university, now you know.**

**And the names of the three presenters are names I came up with on the spot.**


	60. Chapter 60

**Thanks to Cat on the table and Praise's waterfall for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 60**

The last item on the day's agenda was character building. Specifically, what all the ingredients were that made up a character. There was a long checklist, and Lovino felt a sense of despair when he saw all of the questions that had to be answered about each character. Almost two pages' worth. He didn't think that _his_ characters were so well-developed.

They were then given an exercise where they had to examine photos of random people and then they had to create a mind map for the person on the photograph, listing all of the character traits they thought the people had based on the pictures.

…And it might have been rude of him, but one of the people just screamed 'cougar'. There was just something about the photo of this woman that made Lovino think of someone like that. Well, she appeared wealthy, for starters, but the exact clothing she wore and the way she held herself… Something just gave him that impression.

"In prose, you can have many opportunities to show your character's personality," Pierre explained. "In drama, for example, it's not so simple. You need to demonstrate what your character is like through attitude and clothing. It's easier to use stereotypes to this end, but it's also a way to make a character in a play interesting by _subverting_ expectations. That is the same with prose as well. And, if you're brave enough, it can also be done with poetry."

"Writing an interesting character is probably the most important ingredient in writing a story," Winston continued. "If the main character especially isn't interesting, or if the reader can't form a connection with that character, then no matter how interesting the plot is, your story will fail to engage the reader or the audience, and you will be stuck with a flop. Two of the most important things to keep in mind is the establishing character moment, and the character development. Conflict can be used to take the characters from their establishing moment and through the development. The conflict can be either external – someone wanting to kill them, for example – or internal, such as anxiety or low self-esteem."

Lovino resolutely ignored the glances in his direction.

"You should also give them a goal to strive towards," Winston further explained. "They want something, and they would do anything to reach that goal. The conflict is used to deter their progress, and both internal or external conflict could be used for that end. Let's return to our socially-awkward teenager. He has a crush on this girl. External conflict can be that someone else is already dating this girl, and internal conflict is his own lack of confidence. A story can contain both internal and external conflict."

They continued talking for ten more minutes, and then finally it was time to go home.

Since it was late at night, and since they had to return early in the morning, Gupta had offered for Lovino to stay the night at his house. Everything had been arranged beforehand, and Eshe had already taken his bag to their house.

As they were driving back, Lovino texted his father to tell him that the workshop was finished for the day. He smiled when a reply arrived. His father was asking him if it was fun, and Lovino replied in the positive.

…

Romulus sighed in relief when the message came from Lovino. To be honest, he was still a bit apprehensive of allowing Lovino to go to another town to do something that ended late at night, which was why he insisted that Lovino have at least one friend with him. The arrangement of staying over for the night also came later, and he had to agree, it would be more convenient for everyone involved.

And the fact that Lovino was staying with the school principal made him feel a little bit more relaxed.

He was worried about Lovino being in yet another town at night, and not specifically at the house of one of his friends. The main reason why he was willing to let Lovino go without a fuss was because he wasn't willing to risk anything. Their relationship had improved in the last few months, but Romulus was still afraid of doing something that would mess it all up. And considering this was something that Lovino showed an interest in, he had a feeling that Lovino wouldn't be too happy if it was denied to him.

Romulus was also happy to learn a bit more about the things that interested Lovino. Not only because he was getting to know his son a bit better, but also because they had to apply for universities soon. If Lovino could find something that he wanted to do, then that would be a relief to Romulus as well.

He also wanted Lovino to spread his wings. He'd been kept in a cage for too long. It was rare that he frowned now, and Romulus hated himself for thinking that it was how it was supposed to be. And he hated himself for believing that Lovino was the problem. Seeing Lovino's smiles, he couldn't imagine him without it anymore.

He sighed, opening the photo of Lovino lying in the hospital bed. He would do _anything _to avoid this scenario again.

…

"Don't stay up too late," Eshe called out before heading towards her own room.

Lovino and Gupta were lying in the dark room, with Lovino on an inflatable mattress. The mattress was a huge thing, actually, and Lovino was worried about rolling off. It was a long way to the ground. And the fact that this wasn't particularly firm made Lovino suspect that it was a distinct possibility.

"So, did you at least enjoy it?" Gupta asked.

"Yeah," Lovino said. "It was fun, and I think it would help me with the book."

"You looked as though the gears in your head were turning," Gupta said.

"Well, I realised that I haven't thought of an ending yet. Now I need to work on one."

"…You said you're basing the story on your own experiences. So… Do you want your main character to be successful with his suicide attempt or not?"

Lovino was silent for a moment, before he sighed.

"Part of the reason why I'm writing the story is to give hope to people in the same position as I was," Lovino said. "And… I want them to know that it's never too late. So… there will be an attempted suicide, and the recovery afterwards, or at least where it starts. Otherwise the recovery would take up too much of the story."

"And the bullies…?" Gupta asked. "What are you planning to do with them?"

"I was thinking… One more confrontation, and they're caught in the act. They're arrested for assault and sent to juvie."

Gupta chuckled.

"Wishful thinking?" he asked.

"Well, they say authors don't get mad," Lovino said. "They just write you in their novel and figure out how to kill you."

"I guess that's true. Anyway, do you need water? Are you still drinking the sleeping pills?"

"Yeah. We tried to get me off of them, but the nightmares still come. I already drank one."

"So I assume they're not fast-acting."

"About twenty minutes."

"Then I guess we should try to get to sleep. Anyway, I hope that this manages to be a good experience for you. Goodnight."

…

Lovino was awoken when he made contact with the ground, the inflatable mattress now on top of him. Gupta turned on the light and offered to switch places, which Lovino was grateful for.

…

Antonio looked up when he heard someone knocking on the bathroom door. Since it was his father's birthday, the extended family would be coming by. It would be the first time in months that they would all be gathered together. And… It wasn't really something that he was looking forward to. By now, everyone knew about Lovino.

"Are you almost finished?" his father asked.

"I just need to clean the bathtub," Antonio replied.

This wasn't part of his punishment. Whenever the family came to visit, Antonio's main job was to clean the guest bathroom. So, this was actually normal for him.

"Your mother and I were talking about your punishment," his father said. "We decided to let you off the hook, _if_ you can behave yourself."

Antonio's heart leapt. That was probably the best news that he'd heard in a long time. He grinned.

"Gracias," he thanked his father.

"Remember, this all depends on your behaviour," his father said. "And it _especially_ depends on whether or not you and Miguel fight today. We're not going to hear that you tried to strangle him again, are we?"

Antonio swallowed nervously, before shaking his head. He couldn't even be mad at Miguel for letting that be known. Miguel had been hurt and angry, and Antonio couldn't blame him for wanting to get back at him. And he truly felt horrible about the situation. He hadn't meant to harm his cousin, but his anger took control. He reacted in much the same way that he would react if he lost his temper at Lovino.

He would definitely have to work on _not_ assaulting his cousin. His freedom depended on it.

…

They received a small breakfast when they arrived for the next day's workshop session, and afterwards the lecture started to touch upon the different forms of poetry. Poetry wasn't something that specifically interested Lovino, but he still dutifully took notes.

"There are generally fifteen poetic forms," Pierre explained. "What you wish to do with your poem would determine which form you decide on. These poetic forms are as follows: A blank verse, which is poetry written with a precise metre, usually iambic, but which does not rhyme. Rhymed poetry, by definition, are poems which rhyme, though their scheme differs. Free verse is a form of poetry that lacks a fixed rhyme scheme, metric pattern, or even stanza length. Epic poetry is a lengthy, narrative account, usually about events in the distant past. In this poetic form, the other narrative devices play an important role. Narrative poetry is similar to an epic poem, but is considerably shorter in length, and can be a recent or fictional event. Haikus are a Japanese form of poetry, known for the five-seven-five rule, in which it has three lines consisting of five, seven and five syllables respectively. Pastoral poetry concerns itself with the natural world, rural life and landscapes. A sonnet is a fourteen-line poem, generally associated with love poems, though it's not a rule. The rhyme scheme used depends on the style of sonnet. Elegies are poems about death and loss, and employ themes of mourning, loss and reflection, though one could also use them to explore themes of redemption and consolation. An ode, much like an elegy, is a tribute to its subject, though the subject need not be dead or even sentient. A limerick is a five-line poem of one stanza, AABBA rhyme scheme, and the subject is a short, pithy tale or description. When a poet wants to make a dirty joke, limericks are their preferred form. Lyric poetry refers to the broad category of poetry that concerns feeling and emotions. A ballad is a form of narrative verse that can be either poetic or musical. A soliloquy is essentially an inner monologue, and isn't exclusive to poetry. And finally, a villanelle is a nineteen-line poem that was originally a form of pastoral poem, but evolved to describe obsessions and other intense subject matters."

They were then given an exercise: they had twenty minutes to write a haiku. Lovino thought that it was overkill, until he realised how hard it was to think of something to write in a haiku. Several things came to mind, and he eventually started to write something down.

_Feeling only fear  
Defence was my only goal  
But became hated_

He jumped when he sensed someone peering over his shoulder, and he turned to see Winston reading his haiku. The presenters were wandering through the hall, probably checking to see if everyone was managing and ready to offer assistance. The man glanced up, locking eyes with Lovino, before drifting away to the next person. Lovino swallowed nervously. He didn't know what the man was thinking.

A few of the participants were asked to read their haikus, and Lovino was grateful that _he_ wasn't called upon. Madeline then proceeded to explain a few technical terms when it came to writing a play, and afterwards they received a break. Lovino made his way to the bathroom, but when he came out, he saw Winston standing there, looking solemn.

"Lovino, do you mind if we have a little chat?" Winston asked.

Lovino swallowed nervously, but followed the man to his office. Turned out that he worked in this building. Winston closed the door behind him, his lips pursed.

"Is this about my haiku?" Lovino asked.

Winston sighed, before he nodded.

"I don't know what happened in your past, but something like that can only be born from immense pain," he said. "Do you at least have people to support you?"

Lovino nodded.

"It's gotten better," he said.

"That's good," Winston said. "If you don't mind me asking, have you thought about what you wish to do once you graduate high school?"

"I've been looking at those booklets for the school of languages," Lovino replied. "It's… I was thinking of studying language and literature."

Winston nodded.

"I can sense that you have a story to tell," he said. "And if you feel that writing is the means to do it… Tell me, that novel you're writing… what do you intend to do when you're finished?"

Lovino swallowed.

"I… I might take it to a publisher," he said. "If… If it's any good."

"If you make a decision based on that, then may I offer my support?" Winston asked. "I have several contacts in the publishing world, and have acted as editor a few times as well. When you finish your manuscript, you may bring it to me, and I'll look over it and offer you advice. And if you can convince me that you want this book in the outside world, and you want to let your story be told, then I will try my best to help you with your goals."

Lovino's jaw dropped. He wasn't expecting something like that. Winston smiled.

"Your teacher told me that you're very talented," Winston said. "Do you have anything that I can see for myself?"

"I… I have a few short stories," Lovino replied.

Winston handed him a card, and Lovino scrutinised it.

"My email address," Winston explained. "If you want, feel free to send some of the stories to me. One of my jobs is to provide support to new authors, and to help them prepare for their future. I know it's hard to make a career out of writing, especially in the beginning, which is why I want to help as much as possible. You've got me curious, and I would like to help you tell your story."

Lovino smiled and thanked the man. Support… And not just moral support. He could use something like that.

…

Things were… awkward at best. Miguel and Antonio did their best to ignore each other, though Miguel was the one that made the most effort. Antonio was glad that his cousin brought a book along. He also tried to attract as little attention as possible from the adults. They were still disappointed in him for bullying Lovino.

If they actually _knew_ Lovino, they wouldn't be so quick to judge Antonio.

He wanted to retreat to his room, but he didn't want to be seen as rude, especially if there was a chance that it might rob him of his freedom. So he endured the occasional comment regarding how disappointed his family members were in him.

…

After the break, they were given a practical assignment. They had to do some planning, and then write a short story. Lovino managed fine, but his friends seemed to have some difficulty in coming up with an idea. They were used to writing with a prompt, and Lovino had memorised several, and also had a few other ideas in mind.

It took a long while, and there was some discussion among the participants. The presenters went through the hall again, offering aid to anyone that required it.

Lovino sensed eyes on his paper again, and sure enough, it was Winston. The man appeared pleased, as though Lovino had confirmed something to him. The teen wondered if Winston was satisfied that he hadn't been a bit premature in his offer to help Lovino.

After the practical session, lunch was served, and then they were to give feedback about the workshop. They also had the chance to ask the presenters about questions that arose during the session.

It ended when each of them was given a certificate commemorating their participation. Lovino was glad for the experience, and it renewed his desire to write something that could be a comfort to people like him.

He remembered what Winston said, and he needed to gather the short stories he wrote and type them on his computer before he could send them to the man, who happened to be a member of the university's creative writing department.

And he needed to pay closer attention to the university's booklet.

…

Antonio sighed in relief. Everyone was gone, and nothing bad had happened. Not even when Miguel mentioned that Lovino appeared to no longer be afraid of him.

He'd gone to lie down on his bed, but sat up when someone knocked on his door. His father poked his head in.

Antonio jumped in surprise when his father threw something in his direction, and only when he had it in his hands did he realise that it was his cell phone.

"Good job," his father said. "As promised, you're off the hook."

Antonio beamed in delight and thanked his father. Now he just needed to wait for Francis and Gilbert to be free as well.

And then they need to repay Lovino for this indignation.

**The different poetic forms come from Masterclass. I have no desire to go searching through my university notes at this moment.**

**We have this **_**huge**_** inflatable mattress – almost the height of a regular bed. We got it when I was doing my Honours degree (in South Africa, the Masters degree is split between Honours and Masters) and my sister was a first year, and the flat only had one bed. Since I only had classes on a Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, I went through on those days, and slept over on Thursdays. Anyway, while still getting used to that mattress, I rolled off the thing and it ended up on top of me. It was a tile floor. I was not impressed.**


	61. Chapter 61

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, Cat on the table and Praise's Waterfall for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 61**

"What's this White Dance?" Lovino asked.

Lovino had seen posters throughout the day, and at lunch decided to ask about it.

"It's this yearly dance the school has," Gupta replied. "The dance is notable for two things: everyone wears white, and the girls ask the boys to the dance."

Lovino considered it for a moment. He didn't think that anyone would want to ask him to a dance, and although he was curious about going to a school dance, he didn't think that going without a date would be a nice experience. His gaze immediately fell on Miguel, who looked bemused.

"In case you're wondering, Miguel tends to be _very_ popular during this time," Vlad said. "Heracles and Gupta too, actually."

"It's a bit painful to watch, actually," Yao said.

"And, like, what about you two?" Feliks asked.

"A lot of the girls think more of me as their brother," Yao said. "Especially the CS girls."

"And I'm too freaky-looking for most people's tastes," Vlad said. "But I think you and Lovino would be pretty popular this week."

"I highly doubt it," Lovino sighed.

"Why's that?" Miguel asked.

Lovino didn't answer, and the others seemed to catch on to the meaning of the silence. They exchanged nervous glances, and after a while seemed to drop it. They then turned their attentions to Feliks.

"And what about you?" Miguel asked. "If a girl invited you, do you think you'll go?"

"I… don't know," Feliks said. "It might be awkward since… I'm… into guys…"

The table was silent, and Lovino stared at Feliks with some concern. This was the first time he told the others, except for Heracles. And he was worried about their reactions. He didn't think that they would hate Feliks, but things might be uncomfortable for a while.

"Oh," Vlad said, blinking in surprise. He turned to Heracles. "I was wondering about your closeness. So, are you two a couple?"

Feliks's face changed colours faster than a traffic light. Lovino couldn't help but smirk when he realised that the Pole's face actually resembled a red traffic light.

"We… we're not like that," Feliks quickly defended. "Like, Hera just helped me out. That's all."

"Helped you out with _what_, exactly?" Miguel asked, a teasing smile on his face.

Lovino sighed. Perhaps he should help Feliks out a bit.

"It was one of the reasons why he was bullied at his old school," Lovino said.

The others sobered, though the teasing had helped break the awkward tension.

"Ah, I see," Gupta said. "That's also why you waited so long before you told us, right?"

Feliks nodded.

"I totally told the wrong person that I liked him, and he told other people, and they started to hate me," Feliks said.

"That's horrible," Yao said. "But you don't have to worry. And if someone gives you trouble, you can just come to us, okay?"

Feliks nodded, a soft smile on his face.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"So, what are you going to do if a girl _does_ ask you to the dance?" Gupta asked.

"I don't know," Feliks sighed.

"Well, if you want to go, you _do_ look cute when you dress as a girl," Lovino said.

Feliks's face grew even darker than earlier, and Lovino grinned. And so did the others.

"I think I've found a solution," Miguel said. "If it turns out that no one asks Lovino, then the two of you could go together. And we get to see what Feliks looks like if he's dressed as a girl."

"And if someone _does_ ask Lovino?" Yao asked.

"Then Feliks can choose between you and Vlad. It would be nice if all of us could go together."

"And _if_ Lovino is dateless otherwise, then Yao could dress up too," Heracles said. "You look pretty cute too."

Yao glared at Heracles darkly.

"You crossdress too?" Feliks asked.

"It was _one_ time," Yao huffed. "And it was because I lost a bet with my brother and sister."

"I've got a picture, if you'd like to see it," Vlad said.

"I thought you said you deleted that!"

Lovino couldn't help it. He burst out laughing, and the others all turned to him with puzzled looks. Lovino wasn't one to usually burst out into laughter, but the atmosphere he found himself in… Months ago, this would have been a foreign experience for him. And now… Now, this felt oddly natural, and he was so happy to be surrounded by such wonderful people.

Vlad smirked, before he pulled out his phone. Yao wanted to protest, but Miguel shot him a look, and Yao sulked. Vlad then showed a picture to Feliks and Lovino, and Feliks's eyes widened.

"Like, you _do_ look good in those clothes," Feliks said. "You should like totally wear it. And, like, I could even help you with makeup."

"Lovino, you need to get a date," Yao said hastily. "Because I am _not_ dressing like that again."

Feliks pouted, and Lovino shook his head, a smile on his face. Why was _he_ the one that had to be the determining factor? Still, seeing that look on Yao's face was pretty entertaining.

But he still didn't think that any of the girls would be interested in him in any way. Surely not enough to spend a night with him at a school dance.

But still, he was happy for Feliks. He knew that this was a matter of grave importance for him, and knowing that their friends accepted him was a huge relief. Just as Lovino had needed someone to accept him for who he was, and allowed him to be himself, Feliks needed that too.

If only they didn't have to suffer so much before they reached this point.

…

Lovino was packing up after the bell rang. Another day was over, and he had an appointment with Matthew. He looked up when he sensed someone in front of him and realised that it was one of their classmates.

"Lovino, could I ask you something?"

Her name was Lien, a quiet Vietnamese girl who shared a few of Lovino's classes. She didn't socialise much, and Lovino didn't think that he ever heard her saying anything.

"Sure," he said, confused about being approached.

"You've heard about the White Dance, right?" she asked. "I was wondering… would you like to go with me?"

Lovino's jaw dropped. Did… did he hear her correctly?

"W-what did you say?" he asked.

"I asked if you would like to go with me," she repeated, her cheeks reddening.

Was… was she serious? Did she really just ask him if he would like to accompany her to the dance?

"Are… are you sure?" he asked. "I-I mean… why would you want to go with _me_?"

"Why not?" she asked. "Unless you were already asked by someone else?"

"N-no, it's just… I w-wasn't even sure if I would go to the dance."

He could see her staring at him expectantly, and he wondered how hard it was for her to ask in the first place. He couldn't just say 'no', but he still wasn't sure about it.

"Could… could I give you an answer tomorrow?" he asked. "This… this never happened to me before and I… I don't know what's going on."

Everyone was aware of Lovino's history by now, and so she simply nodded her head.

"Please think about it, and I'll see you tomorrow," Lien said, before she walked away.

…

"What, someone already asked you to the dance?" Feliks demanded.

Lovino averted his gaze, looking out the window and seeing his own blushing face in the reflection.

"S-si," he stammered. "I don't know what I should say."

"Like, you should totally say yes!" Feliks said. "I mean, you thought no one would ask you, and now _this_ happened! Like, you should totally accept the invitation."

"And what about you? Do you want to go too, and are you going to go with Vlad or Yao?"

"Like, I still want to see Yao dressing up in girls' clothes. Like, I think he'd be really cute."

Lovino noticed that Feliks appeared far more cheerful than usual. It was probably due to being accepted by all of their friends for being who he was. Feliks no longer had to worry about being rejected. And Lovino was happy for him. After the pain in his past, Feliks deserved total acceptance.

"Well, he likes the same things as you," Lovino said. "And if anyone can convince him, there's a chance _you_ might."

"Like, I'll _totally_ show him that it's fun to do," Feliks said. "And he _totally_ has the looks for it."

"Just make sure you don't push him away."

"Like, now I'm curious about what _you_ would look like in a dress."

"I could do it when I was little, but not anymore."

"Wait, so did you actually wear dresses when you were little?"

"My mom dressed us up once or twice. Feliciano looked the best out of the three of us. He was bubbly enough to make it work."

"Okay, _please_ tell me you have pictures!"

Lovino chuckled.

"Why did I have a feeling that you would ask me something like this?" Lovino teased. "Still, I don't look good like that anymore. My hair's too short to make it work, and my face is too sharp."

"Like, nothing that makeup can't fix," Feliks insisted. "And a lot of girls have short hair, but we could always try a wig for you."

"You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Totally not."

Lovino sighed. It would seem that now he had to avoid an opportunity for Feliks to get him to crossdress.

…

"So, did anything interesting happen at school today?" Romulus asked, looking at each of his sons.

"Well, there's this dance on Friday," Lovino said. "One where the girls have to ask the boys."

"That sounds interesting," Feliciano said.

"And I guess it's kind of a way to promote gender equality," Romulus said. "So, are you going?"

"Well, I was already asked to go," Lovino said.

"By a girl?" Marcello asked, looking excited.

"Si."

"And did you say yes?" Feliciano asked, looking just as eager as the youngest brother.

"I… I asked her to give me a chance to think about it."

"What's there to think about?" Romulus asked. "This is a new experience for you, and if you don't go, you might end up regretting it."

"I'm just worried. I tried to make friends with a girl, and those three convinced her that I was just trying to make friends because it would 'give me perks'. And after that, the girls at school all thought I was some sort of pervert, so…"

"All the more reason for you to go," Feliciano said, though he looked a little perturbed. "You need something to replace all the bad things."

"Is she pretty?" Marcello asked.

"I guess so," Lovino said. "She's a bit shy, so I don't really know her really well."

"If she's really that shy, then I guess it's even more important for you to accept the offer," Romulus said. "It takes a lot of courage to ask something like that in the best of circumstances."

Lovino nodded. It would be the polite thing to do. But he might benefit from having a word with Yao first.

…

He approached Yao at the start of the first class the two had together. Yao smiled when he saw Lovino.

"Hey, what's up?" Yao greeted.

"By any chance, you didn't happen to ask someone to ask me to the dance so you can avoid going to the dance dressed as a girl?" Lovino asked.

"No…" Yao said, frowning. "I mean, there's no way they're going to force me. Why?"

"Because I was asked to the dance. By Lien."

Yao's jaw dropped.

"Are you serious?" he asked. "She's pretty shy, so she wouldn't do it impulsively. What did you tell her?"

"I just asked for some time to process everything," Lovino asked. "The girls at my last school treated me like a pervert because of what happened with Bella."

"Oh, I see. But Lien wouldn't do something like that. So, I think you can accept her invitation."

Lovino pursed his lips and nodded his head. They had to settle in for class, and the next class he had with Lien. He took the opportunity to accept her invitation, and she smiled in relief. Lovino was struck by how pretty she was when she smiled.

…

"Hey, Feliks," Heracles said, "do you mind if we talk first?"

They were on their way to the cafeteria for lunch. Vlad and Gupta were with them as well, but upon hearing Heracles's request, they hesitated for a moment before going on ahead.

"Okay, sure," Feliks said.

Heracles led them over towards the stairway, where they could have some privacy.

"So, like, what's up?" Feliks asked.

"Listen, it's about the dance," Heracles said. "I think it would be better if the two of us went together."

"Huh? Wait, I thought we were…"

"I was asked three times, but I decided that I want to go with you instead. Well?"

Feliks's face heated up. He _had_ been feeling closer to Heracles lately, and for the other to come and ask him specifically to go to the dance with him…

"Y-yeah," Feliks stuttered. "S-sure."

Heracles smiled, before he walked away, most likely to join the others. Feliks took a while to compose himself, and once he was sure that his face wasn't as red as before, he hurried to join the others in the cafeteria.

…

"Does it look okay?" Lovino asked.

Since the dress code was semi-formal, Lovino didn't have to wear a suit, but instead wore a white dress shirt and a pair of faded grey jeans. His three family members beamed, and Lovino blushed at their reactions.

"Ve, you look great Vino," Feliciano praised.

"So, can we call her your girlfriend now?" Marcello asked.

"I don't think she's interested in me beyond the dance," Lovino said simply.

"Well, you never know," Romulus said. "You're meeting her there, right?"

Lovino nodded. Since he still had to go in from a different town, and since they still had to get Feliks as well, it was decided that it would be easier to simply meet at the school.

Romulus would also be acting as chaperone, again due to having to drive to another town. And not _at all_ because he was anxious to see his son's first school dance.

"Alright, so are you ready to go?" Romulus asked.

Lovino nodded.

"Have fun Lovino," Feliciano called out, which was echoed by Marcello.

Lovino nodded in gratitude, before he followed after his father. The drive to Feliks's house was silent, with Lovino trying to work on his nerves. He didn't want to earn the hatred of another girl, and he didn't want to have a similar reputation among the female population of the school again.

Well, Feliks managed to serve as a good distraction.

"What the…?" his father asked.

"Feliks likes to wear girls' clothes," Lovino said. "And… he definitely makes it work."

Feliks wore a flowing white dress with a bodice, obviously designed to give the illusion of a bust. His hair was curled slightly at the ends, and small twin ponytails decorated the top. White and soft pink flowers also served as decorations for Feliks's hair, and when he was inside the car and Lovino could see him up close, he noticed that Feliks was wearing makeup. In short, Feliks looked _a lot_ like an actual girl.

"Like, you look nice, Vino," Feliks complimented by way of greeting.

"You do too," Lovino complimented. "It's a bit disturbing to see how good you look like that."

Feliks beamed. It wasn't the first time that Lovino had seen him in clothes like this, and whenever Lovino said that it was disturbing how he could pull it off, Feliks knew that it was Lovino's way of complimenting him. It started when Lovino was less open about his feelings, and evolved into their own code.

Lovino glanced towards his father, daring him to make a remark about Feliks's attire, but Romulus didn't say anything as he started the car again. Hopefully he was just in shock, and wasn't being prejudiced against Lovino's first real friend.

The drive to Lovino and Feliks's school wasn't as silent as the drive to Feliks's house had been, with the two teens chatting excitedly about the evening to come. When Lovino looked back at his father, he saw a faint smile on Romulus's face.

Once they arrived at the school, Lovino immediately set out to search for Lien. The two of them had agreed to meet in front of the statue at the front of the school. Feliks and Heracles had also agreed to meet somewhere, so Feliks had gone to search for his own date. Lovino was still a bit worried about him. While their friends accepted him, there might still be fallout from the other students.

Lovino found her easily enough, and he was momentarily struck by how pretty she was when she let her hair down. So far, he'd only seen her wearing her hair in a ponytail, so this was something completely new. Her clothes were pretty modest, consisting mainly of a white shirt and a flowing white skirt, but it was the modesty that made her look pretty. Somehow, it made her look innocent and pure, and Lovino wondered again why she wanted to be at the dance with _him_.

"H-hi," Lovino greeted. "I'm sorry to make you wait. Y-you look beautiful."

Lien gave a small smile, and again, Lovino realised how pretty she actually was.

"Thank you," she said. "And you look handsome as well. Shall we go in?"

Lovino nodded, holding up his arm for her to take. She blushed at the action, before accepting the arm and allowed him to escort her inside. His eyes found his father, who was grinning ear to ear.

He did _not_ look forward to going home at that moment.

**The idea for the dance just popped into my head, and my greatest dilemma was figuring out who his date would be. Vietnam kept making her presence known, and so I decided to go with her. Canon female characters are a rare thing, and I didn't want to use a Nyo character or an OC.**

**Don't know if I'm going to make Vietmano an official couple or anything, but I think GrePol might be becoming official.**

**I don't recall an earlier scene where Feliks climbs out of the closet in front of the rest of their friends, so if there is, I apologise, and I'll fix it.**

**And an interesting fact: in South Africa, traffic lights are referred to as robots. Afrikaans especially prefers to use this term, since it's less of a mouthful than **_**verkeersligte**_**.**


	62. Chapter 62

**Thanks to estonian. and Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. **

**Chapter 62**

"So, any plans for the holidays?" Yao asked.

"Like, not really," Feliks said. "Like, my family members are either dead or not talking to each other."

"Do we want to know about the reasons for the last case?" Miguel asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Probably not."

"We're going to see family in Italy," Lovino said. "We leave in a week."

"That sounds like fun," Heracles said. "I hope you take a lot of photos."

"Da," Vlad said. "So, at least one of us isn't going to be here for the holidays."

"Which means we need to make a plan," Gupta said. "Friday perhaps?"

"I have no problem with that," Heracles said.

"Okay, I'm confused," Lovino said.

"We spend a night together every year around the holiday season," Miguel explained. "It's pretty neutral, and the only things that make it seem like traditional holidays are the food and the gifts."

"We buy something small for everyone," Yao explained. "The group's a bit small to make a Secret Santa work."

"Well, we _could_ do that this year," Gupta mused. "We _did_ get two other people along."

"No," Lovino said. "I think I'd prefer buying something for everyone."

"Like, me too," Feliks agreed.

"Alright," Miguel said. "So, whose house this year?"

"We'll be spending the night together, so I guess it wouldn't matter much," Heracles said.

"Not at my house," Vlad said. "We have a bit of a mouse problem."

"And we're having tiles put into our house," Gupta said. "So, that's not going to be a good idea."

"What about you two?" Miguel asked, looking between Lovino and Feliks.

"I'll ask my dad if he's okay with it," Lovino said. "But knowing him, he probably won't have a problem with you guys spending the night."

"And it's fair this way. You guys are always coming over here, so I think it's better if we do the same."

"I'll help with snacks," Yao said. "So, Lovino, if your dad says yes, you don't have to be the only one that worries about the snacks."

Lovino nodded gratefully, a small smile on his face. He could also see if he could manage to convince his father to allow Feliciano and Marcello's friends to come as well. That would just be fair, after all.

…

"Free at last!" Gilbert exclaimed as he stretched out on Antonio's bed.

All three of them were finally released from their grounding, and while they were eager to make Lovino pay, they had no desire at that moment. They wanted to have one day of relaxation before they got to work.

"And just in time for the holidays," Francis said. "Do you think we should wait until after that, or should we see if we can get Lovino this week?"

"I think we should see if we have a chance," Antonio replied. "Since he doesn't go to our school anymore, it's going to be tricky seeing him. I mean, did any of you guys have a chance, before we were grounded?"

"I only saw him once, when I got sick," Gilbert replied. "He was at the hospital too. I caught him in the bathroom."

"Please tell me you at least got to hurt him a little," Francis pleaded.

"Ja, and hopefully I managed to get him sick."

"Well, we know where he lives," Antonio said. "I went there a few times. He takes his dog for a walk on most days, but there are some days when he goes on his own."

"Ja, I don't want to hurt a dog if I can help it. So, we should probably see if we can get lucky and get him on a day when he's on his own."

"So, how are we going to go about it?" Francis asked. "I'm going to assume that simply beating him up isn't going to work."

"You're right. So, I was thinking that we get him to go with us to the bridge…"

"How are we going to do that?" Antonio asked. "I don't think he's just going to _come_ with us. And if he decides to make a scene…"

"Well, we'll need to _persuade_ him to come along. I've got this old hunting knife at home…"

"So, are we going to get rid of him for good?" Francis asked.

"Ja. It's the best thing we can do. And if we do it right… Well, we can always make it look like he was mugged, or that he was hurt by the rocks in the river. The last thing we need is for us to get in trouble _again_."

Antonio's mother had gone out shopping, so there was no one around that could hear their plans. And any reservations they might have had were quickly erased when they each looked at their two friends. They had been hurt by the Italian, and Lovino had managed to convince everyone that _he_ was the victim. It was time they were finally free of the other male.

…

"That's exciting to hear," Matthew said. "So, which are you looking forward to the most: the vacation in Italy or the night with your friends?"

Lovino smiled. He was glad that someone was excited on his behalf.

"I've been to Italy a few times," he said. "But it should be better this time, since my family now knows that I'm not some delinquent. This is the first Christmas I get to have friends. So… I'm looking forward to _that_ the most."

Matthew smiled and nodded.

"I understand," he said. "And since it's the last time I'll be seeing you for a while, I got you a gift."

Lovino widened his eyes as his therapist pushed a small rectangle wrapped in gift paper towards him. He hesitantly took it and delicately opened it, seeing that the rectangle contained a pen and matching mechanical pencil.

"W-wow," Lovino stammered. "I… I didn't think to get _you_ anything."

"No need for that," Matthew said. "I actually buy all of my patients something small during this time. I figured that this is something that you would appreciate. So, how's that book of yours coming along?"

"It's going great. I'm working on the ending. I'm hoping to finish it before we leave for Italy. Some of the advice I saw was that I need to leave it alone for a while before I start to edit it, so I'm hoping the two weeks would be enough time."

"That's great to hear. So, I'm guessing you decided to see if you can get it published?"

Lovino shrugged.

"Maybe," he said. "More than anything… Writing that book helped me get some closure. I think… I'm ready to put all of the things in the past behind me."

…

"Padre, can I ask you something?" Lovino asked.

Romulus swallowed his mouthful of food and nodded.

"My friends were discussing getting together on Friday before the holidays," he explained. "Kind of like a Christmas party, with food and gifts. We were wondering if we could hold it here. Yao already offered to help out with the snacks, and we could invite Feli and Cello's friends too."

Romulus glanced towards his other two sons, who perked up at the thought. While it was relatively short notice, they still had a few days to sort everything out. And besides, his sons seemed to be looking forward to a Christmas party with their friends.

"Alright," he agreed. "As long as _you three_ do the cleaning before and after."

The three brothers grinned, and they excitedly started to discuss the evening. Romulus smiled when he saw the light in Lovino's eyes. He knew that this evening would be especially special for him, and Romulus wasn't going to stand in the way of something like that.

…

"Now then, pick something you would like to read during the holidays," Arthur instructed.

On the table in front of him was a mountain of books, and the teens took the invitation and each retrieved a book for them to read during the holidays. They wouldn't be seeing each other for the next three weeks, which meant that they had ample time to read another novel and plan a discussion.

Lovino chose a book titled _Omerta_, written by the author of _The Godfather_. He figured that it would be ironic to read something like this when he was on his way to Italy. Arthur saw the book he chose and smirked.

"I had a feeling you'd go for that one," he said. "So then, is everyone settled?"

One by one, the teens nodded. Lovino turned towards Feliks, who had _The Host_ by Stephanie Meyer. Feliks was still a bit hesitant when it came to reading the classics, so more modern works were fitting for him. He'd actually embraced becoming a member of the book club, and he was also doing well in the drama club. He was asked to perform in a production of _Sorry, Wrong Number_, which was originally a radio drama. Lovino was curious about seeing a radio drama performed on stage.

"Alright, so let's do something else as well," Arthur said. "I would like all of you to keep a diary about your holidays. Start the moment school lets out on Friday, and end it on the Sunday before we all return. It's an exercise in writing as well."

Ever since they returned from the workshop, Arthur was keen on having them do writing exercises every now and again. Lovino didn't mind, since he was moving closer and closer into that direction, and appreciated the practice. He'd sent a few of his stories to Winston, who gave him great reviews and who informed him that he was eager to see him in the course.

"And I guess we're going to have a better time remembering everything when we get back," Miguel said.

"Must be fun to have _plans_," Yao sighed, to which Vlad nodded.

"Like, if you want, you can spend a day with me and my family," Feliks said. "We're going to the Rose Dome."

"Seriously?" Vlad asked, eyes sparkling. "I heard they have this _amazing_ bookstore. Are you sure it's okay?"

"Like, I know my parents won't mind," Feliks replied.

"Well then, looks like everyone has something to look forward to," Arthur said. "And with that, I believe our club meeting is over. Enjoy your holidays."

…

The trio had spent a huge chunk of their Tuesday afternoon crouching behind the car of Lovino's neighbour that lived across the street. They were a bit nervous about being discovered by whoever lived there, but they really wanted to get a chance to get back at Lovino.

They saw him arrive back home by bus, and an hour later he took the dog out for a walk. Seeing what kind of dog it was made them reluctant to go near, and even though they didn't like Lovino, they felt extremely uncomfortable with attacking his dog. And so Tuesday was without success.

On _Wednesday_, however…

They arrived at more or less the same time the bus did, and so they waited for a while. This time the wait was short, about half an hour, and to their immense pleasure, they saw that Lovino went out on his own.

"Awesome," Gilbert whispered. "It's about time."

"We should be quiet," Francis whispered. "And we should probably wait until we're far enough away from his house. We don't want Feliciano or Marcello noticing us, especially close to their brother."

"Right," Antonio agreed. "Let's try to catch up first, and we should try to do it without him realising we're following him."

With that in mind, the trio followed after their prey. They had every intention of making sure that this was the last time they would have to deal with the Italian that ruined their lives.

…

Lovino waited for Wednesday before he set out to the shopping district. He had every intention of buying gifts for each of his friends – something small – and he knew just the place to go for that.

Bookmarks were small and not too expensive, and they could be used by his friends on a regular basis. Considering his own collection, he figured that it would be a great gift for them. And it's been a while since he'd gone to the only local bookstore.

He didn't want to take Chiara with him when he was out shopping. He felt uncomfortable with the idea of tying her leash to a pole as he went inside the store. He'd already arranged with Feliciano to take her for her walk later in the afternoon.

He smiled when he saw the edge of the shopping district, just across the street. He paused to check for any oncoming traffic, but just before he could take a step forward, he felt a hand on his mouth as someone pulled him closer from behind.

There wasn't a single word invented in any language to describe the fear he felt when he heard that familiar chuckle, nor what he felt when two familiar figures stepped into view.

"It's been a while, Lovi," Gilbert said, red eyes flashing dangerously. "We've still got something we need to _discuss_ with you."

He tried to struggle in Francis's hold, but the blond only tightened his grip. His second hand had grabbed onto Lovino's wrist, and the Italian tried to reach up with his free hand to at least loosen the grip over his mouth so that he could call for help.

He froze again when Gilbert raised an object that gleamed in the sunlight. An object that was quickly pressed against his throat, and when he swallowed, he could feel the sharp edge of the object scraping his skin.

"Don't make this hard for us," Gilbert said in a low voice. "Come with us, and don't scream, struggle or run. Understand?"

Lovino whimpered and nodded his head. He had a feeling that this time wouldn't be as simple as a beating. He also knew from experience that they were more than willing to seriously hurt him, even kill him. If he could just convince them to put the knife away…

Francis removed his hand from over his mouth, before he started to drag Lovino off. He stumbled a bit, and considered attempting to make a break for it, but Antonio grabbed his other arm. He winced when the Spaniard's hands dug into his arm, and he glanced towards Antonio.

And for a moment, he felt disgusted when he was reminded of the resemblance Antonio bore to Miguel.

"Where are you taking me?" Lovino asked as he was dragged along.

"Shut up," Gilbert snapped. "You don't get to open your mouth, got it?"

Lovino shuddered. He knew that he wasn't going to come out of this unharmed. But did they just intend to rough him up, or were they planning something worse? Why did they even bring a knife with them? He didn't think that this was random. Why _now_?

The answer came to him soon enough: they had been grounded. That was it. They were finally free of their punishments, and true to form…

They blamed him for them being punished, and they intended to make him sorry that he'd gotten them into trouble.

His eyes darted around, desperate to find _anyone_ that could see what was going on. But this was the literal edge of the shopping district, and the buildings on this side weren't very popular. Few people were around to see what was going on, and none were looking in his direction.

"Please…" he whispered.

He cried out in pain when Gilbert punched him on the back of the head. Antonio also not-so-accidentally stepped on his foot.

"What did I say about your mouth?" Gilbert snarled. "It's because of your big mouth that we were grounded for _months_. It's because of you that my brother no longer respects me."

"And Camille wants nothing to do with me," Francis spat.

"And my entire _family_ treats me like some kind of criminal," Antonio added. "I even attacked Miguel because of you."

"W-what?" Lovino gasped.

He yelped when Francis grabbed him by that errant curl, and his entire body seemed to lock as the pain shot through it.

"Once again, you prove to be too stupid to learn," Francis said, before he released the curl.

Tears stung at Lovino's eyes. He wanted desperately to point out that what they were saying was false. That _they_ were the reasons for all of this. But he knew that they would only hurt him more. And if possible, he wanted to avoid any more unnecessary pain.

They continued to drag him along, and the further away they went, the less signs of life they could find, until they were at the very outskirts of town. And they continued along. They continued until Lovino could hear the sound of rushing water. And with a sinking feeling he realised where they were taking him.

The bridge over the river.

This bridge wasn't very popular to use, not since an earthquake a few years ago caused cracks to form. Pedestrians could still use the bridge with no problem, but vehicles were advised to stay away. This place was isolated, and no one would be able to help him.

He gulped when he saw the waters below. It had rained recently, making the waters deeper and more turbulent, and being with those three at this location was not helping his nerves.

His phone was in his pocket, but if he couldn't get an opportunity to use it, then it might as well have been dead weight.

Francis and Antonio released his arms, and Gilbert shoved him forward harshly. Lovino braced for impact, but still hissed when his hands were scraped against the ground. He cried out in pain when someone kicked him in the back, sending him down again.

"We're going to make you pay for all of the humiliation you put us through," Gilbert said. "And then we're going to make sure that you'll never be able to bother us again."

"It's a good thing you don't know how to swim," Antonio taunted.

Lovino's eyes widened as he realised what they intended to do with him exactly. And as he realised that, the river below seemed to grow louder.

**Gilbert himself has pet dogs, so he's not exactly eager to hurt one, even if it's the pet of someone he hates. Everyone has **_**some**_** standards.**

_**Omerta **_**is another recent acquisition. I've got quite a few books to read now. The provincial borders are open, and the closest place that's worthwhile to go to is just across the provincial border. Friday was the first time I've been out of town since late March, and we also went exploring on Saturday. The result: more than R1 000 spent on books. Nine books, to be exact.**

_**The Host**_** is one of my sister's favourite books, or at least it's very special to her. It got her into reading in the first place. Before that, she wasn't interested at all. Then I gave her my copy to read and bribed her. For every chapter she read I would pay her R2. I think she's read it four times by now, and even though it's **_**my**_** book… Well, she herself promised to get me a new copy. Still waiting.**

**When I was in high school, we performed **_**Sorry, Wrong Number**_**, which is originally a radio drama. It was interesting to figure out how to decorate the stage. And a **_**lot**_** of lines to memorise. I was the lead, and the only one who wasn't scolded for not learning my lines after a certain period of time. I think you can listen to it on YouTube, if you're interested (not my version, the original radio drama).**

**Unfortunately, the BTT's attitudes are pretty common in South Africa, even among primary school kids. There are instances where kids would be hunted down by their peers for even the slightest offence. And some of these instances can prove fatal.**


	63. Chapter 63

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, Tokutske, P, Senii, Multiple-Fandom-Writer and Praise's Waterfall for reviewing.**

**This was a pretty difficult chapter to write.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 63**

Lovino's mind was spinning. He knew that he needed to get out of there. His life was in danger this time, and the odds of someone helping him this time were slim. The sky was clear after several days of rain, so he couldn't even count on the environment to help him.

The foot on his back was lifted, before it stomped down again. He yelped as the foot connected with his spine. The others laughed, before they started assaulting him with kicks. He whimpered as he curled up, protecting his head. He started to feel panicked, his mind flashing back to previous encounters with the trio. He'd grown used to not having _this_ be something to be used to, and terror gripped him as he realised that he'd failed to escape them.

He needed to find a way out of this. If he could just get an opportunity…

"That's enough," Gilbert said. "We've got a lot more to do."

He breathed a sigh of relief when the kicks stopped. Hands encircled both of his arms, and he was lifted to his feet. He didn't think he would get a better opportunity, and so he kicked out on one side, catching Francis in the groin, and Antonio's grip also loosened in surprise. Lovino wrenched his arm free and started running. If he could get to the town…

He also pulled his phone out of his pocket, quickly dialling his father's number. He silently begged for his father to pick up.

He cried out as pain crashed through his skull, his vision going blurry. He fell to the ground, his mind blanking for a moment, and it took him a moment to recognise the familiar sensation of being thrown with a rock.

"Lovino?"

He gasped when he heard his father's voice, but he could also hear the footsteps approaching.

"The bridge," he exclaimed. "Help!"

"Bastard!" Gilbert shouted, stomping on Lovino's back at a running pace.

Lovino let out another pained cry, and Gilbert reached down and grabbed his phone. Lovino could still hear his father's voice before it was cut off. Lovino whimpered when a handful of his hair was grabbed, and he was once again pulled to his feet. Black spots danced in his vision, since the hair grabbed was located where the rock had collided with his head.

"You're going to regret that," Gilbert spat.

His left arm was gripped by Gilbert's free hand, and Gilbert twisted it. Lovino whimpered in pain, and Gilbert started dragging him back to the bridge. He caught sight of Antonio and Francis, and Francis especially looked furious. He knew that he was going to be punished for it. He just hoped that his father would be able to understand that the situation was dire, and that he needed help immediately.

Francis punched him in the face, before grabbing him by the throat.

"He managed to call his father," Gilbert spat. "Which means the suicide angle isn't going to work."

"So we go with the mugging?" Antonio asked.

"P-please," Lovino gasped. "Why… are you doing… this? What did I do… to make you hate me like this?"

"You're a jerk who hurts anyone that's close to you," Antonio spat. "You even managed to turn my cousin against me. And that's another reason why we need to get rid of you. Before you ruin Miguel's life the way you ruined _our_ lives."

Antonio's fist collided with Lovino's abdomen. Gilbert pulled his hair further back and he pulled his knife out. Francis moved his hand away, and the knife was pressed against Lovino's throat again.

"Hold on," Antonio said. "A mugging would be more of a stab. Slitting his throat might not be a good idea."

"You're right," Gilbert said.

The knife was removed, and Lovino was thrown against the bridge's wall. Francis and Antonio pinned him, and Gilbert raised the knife again.

"Do you two want a turn too?" Gilbert asked.

"Oui, if you don't mind," Francis said.

"Si," Antonio said. "That would definitely make my day."

"Who wants to go first?" Gilbert asked.

Lovino opened his mouth to scream, but Francis punched him again in the throat. Lovino coughed as the three laughed. And for the first time in a long time, something that he'd tried to avoid in front of them happened.

Tears brimmed in his eyes and started to flow down his cheeks.

"Well, well," Gilbert sneered. "We finally got him to cry."

"Please," Lovino begged. "Just leave me alone. Please."

"Not going to happen," Antonio said, as he accepted the knife from Gilbert.

…

Romulus was surprised to see Lovino calling him, but he answered nonetheless.

"Hello?" he greeted. After a few seconds of silence, he decided to prompt him again. "Lovino?"

"The bridge," Lovino exclaimed. "Help!"

Romulus was about to ask him what he meant, when he heard someone in the background shouting 'bastard', and a moment later Lovino cried out in what sounded like pain.

"Lovino, what's going on?" he demanded. "Who's with you?"

There was no reply, and he realised that the call was ended.

Lovino wouldn't prank him. Which meant that he was in danger.

"Toris, call the police!" Romulus snapped as he grabbed his car keys. "Tell them to go to the bridge out of town. Tell them it's urgent."

Toris shakily nodded as Romulus stormed out of the gallery. He knew that he should probably leave everything to the police, but that wasn't an option for him. For too many years, he had been unable to protect his son. That was not going to happen this time.

…

Lovino could only watch in horror as Antonio gripped the knife. He wanted to fight back, but he was outnumbered, and the other three were already really angry at him. His throat also still hurt from the punch, so he couldn't even scream for help.

All he could do was mouth the word 'please' over and over again.

Antonio seemed to hesitate for a moment, and Lovino thought about Miguel again, but then he shook his head and seemed to get over it. Gilbert looked over towards him and arched his eyebrow.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Si," Antonio said. "I'm fine."

Lovino closed his eyes, knowing that he wasn't going to get out of this. He didn't think that anything good could come from his father's call. There simply wasn't enough time. And he didn't want to see the trio as they decided to stab him to death. And perhaps, seeing him in such a wretched state would appeal to what little humanity they had left.

A second later, he was proven wrong. He cried out in pain as fire burned in his lower abdomen. The knife was pulled out as Gilbert and Francis congratulated Antonio.

"My turn," Francis said.

There was a second burst of pain, a bit higher up. This one didn't hurt as much, and Lovino wondered if something like that was good or bad.

"And now it's my turn," Gilbert said darkly.

This time, when the knife sank into him, it felt cold.

The sound of a car horn made Lovino open his eyes. He saw the other three looking to their sides, panicked looks on their faces.

"Shit," Gilbert said. "Run!"

The three ran away, heading towards the copse of trees on the other side of the bridge. A car door slammed, footsteps running closer.

"Lovino!"

He could easily recognise his father's voice, and he turned to face the approaching figure. He realised that he was feeling tired and heavy, and he looked down to see that his shirt was already covered in red.

"The police should be on their way," Romulus said as his hands hovered over Lovino's torso, looking for some way to help. "Who did this?"

"Those three," Lovino rasped. "Papa… I'm so tired."

"Don't you _dare_ fall asleep," Romulus said, pressing his hands against his torso.

Lovino didn't know how long they remained like that before he heard the sound of a police siren, only briefly making its presence known. He lifted his head, seeing a cruiser through the black dots littering his vision. He tried to hang on, but it was getting harder.

"Help, my son's been stabbed!" his father shouted.

The voice sounded as though it came from underwater, and Lovino found his grip on reality slipping away.

…

"Sir, what happened?" one of the police officers asked.

"He… he was stabbed," Romulus repeated.

"We received a call to come to the bridge, but we didn't get any more information," the officer stated. His colleague carried a first aid kit towards them, and Romulus moved aside so the man could work. "Could you tell us more about what happened?"

"I-I'll try. I got a call from my son, saying he was at the bridge and that he needed help. I then heard another voice before he screamed, and then the call was cut off. This… this isn't some random attack. My son knew his attackers."

"Was he awake when you got here?"

"Si."

"The ambulance is on its way," the other officer announced. "I managed to slow the bleeding, but if they don't get here soon enough…"

Romulus fell to his knees. He stared at Lovino, a bruise already forming on his pale face. This was the very scenario he had hoped to never see again. And to make matters worse, this was all due to an attempted _murder_. This… this was planned.

"You said your son knew the attackers?" the first officer asked.

"Yes," Romulus said firmly. "And I can tell you where they live."

…

The trio took the long way back into town. When they realised that Lovino's father was there, they knew that they couldn't be seen. They just hoped that Lovino wouldn't be able to tell his father who stabbed him, and that he hadn't seen them.

As they made their way back, the adrenaline seemed to fade, and the weight of what they'd done seemed to descend on them. Each of them started wondering if they had really done the right thing, and wondering what would happen if others found out. They had a hard time looking at each other, and speaking to each other was out of the question. They were each wondering if they'd gone too far.

They also found that they couldn't get the image of Lovino crying and begging for them to not go through with it out of their minds.

When they were safely within the town again, they parted ways. They still had to worry about doing homework, and it was getting late. They also hoped that things didn't come back to bite them in the end.

…

Marcello couldn't believe that they were back there again.

When their father came home, blood on his hands and shirt, they were immediately alarmed. He was only supposed to be covering for Amin at the gallery, since the other man had an event that afternoon and couldn't take his usual role. They couldn't imagine how blood would have gotten onto his person.

And then they found out that it was Lovino's blood.

Romulus quickly washed up and got changed, before taking them to the hospital. During the trip, Feliciano and Marcello made sure to interrogate their father.

And now they were waiting.

It was obvious that Lovino would need more than a simple transfusion. They were taking too long.

Marcello couldn't believe that the trio would resort to attempted murder. Wasn't it enough for them that they couldn't see Lovino at school anymore? Wasn't it enough for them that they'd made Lovino's life a living hell?

The three looked up when someone approached them. It wasn't a doctor, but rather Feliks. Feliciano had called him at some point to inform him of the situation.

"Like, any news?" Feliks asked.

"Nothing," Romulus sighed.

Feliks took a seat with them, and they all waited in silence. Marcello didn't know how long they waited there before someone _finally_ came. And as usual, it was none other than Fryderyk.

"How's Lovino?" Romulus asked.

Fryderyk bit his lip before handing a clipboard to Romulus.

"I need you to sign this," he said. "It's a form of consent. Blood loss isn't Lovino's only concern. He was stabbed in the liver, and we need to operate."

Marcello felt himself pale when he heard that news. Romulus immediately picked up a pen and his eyes started to scan the paper.

"There's more," Fryderyk said. "He received a head injury as well, which added to his blood loss, but it also caused severe swelling in the brain. There's… there's a good chance he might slip into a coma."

And just like that, Romulus dropped the pen. His hand was shaking as he looked up at Fryderyk.

"W-what?" he whispered.

"We _can_ place him in a medically induced coma," Fryderyk explained. "That would be far more controllable, and if we can do it before the swelling becomes too much, we can wake him up in a few days. However, if he naturally slips into a coma, then there's a good chance that it might take weeks for him to wake up, if he wakes up at all."

"So either way, he's going towards a coma," Romulus muttered. "This is really the best option?"

"Unfortunately, it is," Fryderyk said.

Romulus reached down to grab the pen again, and he signed the form before handing it back to Fryderyk.

"Please, do whatever you need to do to save my son," Romulus begged.

Fryderyk glanced towards Feliks and nodded, before disappearing again. Romulus slumped in his chair, and a moment later, Marcello heard the most surprising sound.

His father was crying.

Feliciano and Marcello stared for a while. Neither of them could remember when the last time was that they'd seen their father cry. After a few seconds of this, Feliciano cleared his throat.

"Papa, are you okay?" Feliciano asked.

Romulus sniffed and shook his head.

"No, I'm not," he said. "If I didn't have to work today, then I could have taken him to do his shopping. If I'd taken him, he didn't have to walk, and if he didn't have to walk… This wouldn't have happened. H-he wouldn't be…"

"It's not your fault," Marcello said. "None of us had any idea that this would happen. I mean… why _now_?"

Romulus shook his head, before he laughed bitterly.

"You know, before he passed out, he called me 'Papa'," Romulus said. "I don't think he ever called me that before."

Marcello could hear in his father's voice how deeply it affected him. It showed progress in their relationship that Lovino felt confident enough to call him by a more affectionate title, and here they were.

There was no way those three should be allowed to get away with it this time. This was blatant attempted murder. They needed to pay for their crimes.

…

When Gilbert returned home, he noticed that his father wasn't alone in the living room. There was someone else there. He looked down at his hand, and the hunting knife was in his pocket, within its sheath. He needed to get rid of the evidence before he was noticed. He started to make his way to the stairs when…

"Gilbert!"

He jumped when he heard his father's voice, and he quickly spun around. Wulfric stood in the doorway, looking furious. Behind him stood someone that made Gilbert lose a few degrees of his body temperature.

A policeman.

"Gilbert, _where_ were you this afternoon?" Wulfric demanded.

"I-I went out with T-Toni and F-Franny," Gilbert stuttered. He couldn't remember ever seeing his father _this_ angry.

"And where exactly did you go?"

"W-we were just out on the town. Why, d-did something h-happen?"

"A boy was attacked just outside of town," the officer explained. "Lovino Vargas. Apparently, you and your friends have a bit of history with him."

"That d-doesn't mean that _we_ stabbed him! We have nothing to do with it!"

"Strange. I never mentioned that he was stabbed."

Gilbert's breath hitched. The officer then looked down.

"What's that on your hand?" he asked.

Gilbert quickly hid his hand behind his back, but both his father and the policeman made their way towards him. He yelped when he was forced to expose the blood on his hand. He could also feel something shifting, and he looked down to see his father removing the knife.

"Would you care to explain to me why you took a _knife _with you if you were just spending time with your friends?" Wulfric demanded.

"I-I just wanted to show it to them!" Gilbert protested. "It's an awesome knife!"

His father removed it from its sheath, and Gilbert knew the moment the blood became clear that he was screwed.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt, you're under arrest for attempted murder," the officer said as he removed a pair of handcuffs and bound Gilbert's hands from behind.

"Wait, 'attempted murder'?" Gilbert repeated. "You mean… he _survived_?"

"He might not. Last I heard, he's still in surgery."

Gilbert honestly didn't know how he felt about all of that.

…

Romulus looked up when someone else entered the waiting area. He was actually surprised to see Amin and Toris. He had of course informed Toris of the situation, and the Lithuanian must have told the Iranian man in turn.

"Do you have any news?" Amin asked.

"They want to put him in a medically induced coma," Romulus explained. "The chances that he'll enter a coma anyway are strong, and there's no guarantee he'd be able to wake up from the regular one."

"This is horrible," Toris said, as he sank into one of the chairs. "I can't believe kids could be so cruel."

Romulus closed his eyes and nodded. Lovino had told them that his bullies would often get angry at him and punish him whenever they got in trouble. They should have realised that something like that would happen again.

He opened his eyes again when someone else approached, and he felt both relief and dread when he saw that it was Fryderyk.

"Lovino's been taken to ICU," he explained. "There's still a chance his body might reject the transfusion, and we need to monitor him carefully. Only family is allowed to see him." Here, he shot an apologetic look towards Feliks. "And only one at a time."

Romulus thanked the doctor and stood. He wanted to see his son. He wanted to assure himself that he didn't lose him. Even if it would be painful to see him like this again.

No. This wasn't like last time. It was _worse_.

**I did some checking, and heavy blood loss **_**can**_** lead to a possible coma, but only when it's severe enough that the organs are also suffering. Lovino hasn't reached this point, but the concussion he received from the rock made things worse, and the two worked together to get him in this state. A medically induced coma can be used to prevent a regular coma before the swelling in the brain becomes too severe, and it's possible to wake someone up within a few hours or a few days.**

**Romulus's gallery is a few blocks away from the place where Lovino was grabbed, and by ignoring one or two traffic laws, he was able to get there to help Lovino on time. The police, meanwhile, are a bit further away, and didn't have enough information to know that it was an emergency.**


	64. Chapter 64

**Thanks to Yaoi-Is-Life-and-Love, Cat on the table, Senii, Praise's Waterfall and an anon for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Chapter 64**

When Romulus entered the hospital room, he could have sworn he felt his heart stop for a brief moment. Fryderyk gave him a sympathetic look before leaving him be. Numbly, Romulus took a few tentative steps closer to Lovino.

He was paler than he'd ever seen him before. It was even worse than last time, and the only colour came from the bruise decorating his face. There was a tube attached to his mouth, and Romulus wondered if it was really necessary. But he knew that at least _some_ of the machines Lovino was hooked up to were.

Lovino's heart rate appeared stable, and the beeping was the only sound that filled the room. Romulus didn't dare interrupt that sound. It was the sound that assured him that his son was still alive.

If he had been even a few minutes too late… If he hadn't told Toris to call the police the moment he received the call from Lovino…

Romulus sat down on the seat next to the bed, grabbing Lovino's hand and bringing it to his mouth, kissing the knuckles before clutching the hand with both of his, almost as though he was praying. It scared him how cold this hand felt. Tears sprung to his eyes and he began to sob. He'd been so close to losing him again… and there was _still_ a chance that Lovino might be lost. If his body rejected the blood he received…

"Please," Romulus whispered. "Lovino, please… Please be alright. You've cheated death before. You can do it again. Please."

He remembered Matthew telling him about Lovino having amazing luck when it came to cheating death. Hopefully luck was on his side now as well. He didn't want to lose him.

…

"Like, couldn't those jerks just leave him alone?" Feliks lamented. "I mean… like, did they have to do _this_ to him?"

"I don't know," Feliciano said. "But… they've gone too far this time! If I get my hands on them…"

Feliks looked towards the Italian. His shoulders were trembling, his hands clenched into fists, and his face twisted in the worst scowl Feliks had ever seen. Marcello looked equally upset.

He heard that it was the nice people that one should fear. Because to get nice people as angry as the two Italians were at that moment… It took a lot. Feliks was glad that he wasn't on the receiving end of that anger.

He realised that he should probably inform the rest of the group about what happened, but he didn't have it in himself to take out his phone to do so. It wasn't something that he could say through text, and if he called them and told them, he would have to deal with their individual reactions, and he would have to explain all he knew. He didn't think he had that strength.

Feliks remembered the early days, when Lovino was under the impression that everyone hated him. What could be more hateful than an attempted murder? How would this affect him?

He felt someone stroke his hair, and he looked up to see his mother. She had only dropped him off earlier while she went to do something else. She had friends in the police department, and she wanted to see what they were doing about the situation.

"Any news?" Feliks asked.

"The three boys were arrested," Felicja explained. "They can't interrogate them yet since they're minors, and they have to wait for a lawyer and/or their parents or guardians. But apparently the parents are too angry to do anything. They even refused to pay bail. Said that it would be good for them to spend at least one night in a jailcell."

"Good," Feliciano spat. "Those three deserve to be punished."

Felicja looked over the three teens before she sighed.

"Have you had a chance to eat yet?" she asked.

"Not hungry," Marcello said.

She shook her head, before turning to Feliks.

"We should be getting home," she said gently. "You still have school tomorrow."

"I want to stay," Feliks muttered. "Like, I _can't_ just leave now."

"And I understand. But there isn't much you can do right now."

"Like, I can help Feliciano and Marcello."

"Go," Marcello said. "We appreciate you coming here, but you're only wasting your time. You can't even go in to see Lovino. And we're here for each other."

Feliciano nodded.

"You still need to tell the others, right?" Feliciano said. "So why don't you focus on that? If something happens, your dad will probably tell you."

Feliks hesitated, and his mother placed her hand on his shoulder.

"I know you want to be here for your friend," she said. "But staying here isn't going to help you. I'll ask your father to call whenever there's an update on his condition. Okay?"

Feliks stared at the two brothers for a moment before he sighed and nodded.

"Like, good luck," he said, standing to follow his mother out.

The two adults that had been there – Romulus's colleagues – had already left, but it was clear that they were worried about Lovino as well. Especially the Lithuanian. Feliks recognised him from the last time Lovino was in the hospital. There was some sort of connection between them, but he'd never gotten around to asking Lovino what it was.

He just hoped that he _would_ get a chance to ask that.

…

Francis stared at the table in front of him with absolute fear. His hands were cuffed in front of him, and there was a glass of water on the table as well. His throat was dry, but he didn't dare drink any of the water.

The events of the day kept repeating through his mind, and he couldn't believe that they were mere hours ago. It all felt so surreal, as though it was a dream, or memories of a movie scene.

But no, it was real, and Francis was starting to recognise how bad the situation was. The policeman had said 'attempted murder'. Those words felt like a punch in the gut, or like the kick he received from Lovino earlier. All things considered, perhaps he deserved it.

Another thing that kept clawing its way back to the forefront of his mind was his parents' expressions when the police took him away. Shock. Anger. Disappointment. Betrayal. Shame. And Camille…

His sister looked at him as though he was some sort of monster. And perhaps he was.

He looked up when the door opened and two men entered. One was a policeman, the other was dressed in a nice suit. The man in the suit made his way towards him and held out his hand.

"Kasem Saetang," the man introduced. "I've been assigned as your attorney."

Francis hesitantly shook the man's hand, before he sat down next to him. The officer sat down across from him with a folder in his hands. He opened the folder with a sigh.

"Do you understand why you're here?" the officer asked.

"Y-yes," Francis stammered. "It's because… of Lovino Vargas."

Kasem leaned closer to him.

"You don't have to answer anything," he whispered. "And _especially_ don't answer when I tell you not to."

Francis shuddered, but he nodded his head. In truth, he had no idea what to do or say.

The officer took something out of the folder, and he pushed it in front of Francis. The boy paled when he saw what it was.

It was a photo of Lovino, most likely taken at the bridge. His eyes were closed and his face pale, but the thing that immediately drew Francis's attention and which made him sick to his stomach was the red covering the otherwise green shirt. So much red…

"Do you recognise this boy?" the officer asked.

Francis jerkily nodded his head. Of course he recognised Lovino. They'd known each other for years.

"When was the last time you saw him?" the officer asked.

"W-wait," Francis said. "Um… I-I saw this e-enough on TV. If… If I… I tell you everything… what would happen?"

"You mean, if you tell the truth?"

Francis nodded. The officer sighed and cradled his head with his hand.

"Am I right to assume that you admit to attempting to murder this boy?" the officer asked.

Francis flinched. There it was again. That word. The word that had haunted them at school for the last few months. The most appropriate word. He nodded his head in confirmation.

"A guilty plea could get you a reduced sentence," Kasem said. "And in general, a more lenient punishment."

"You're a lot more compliant than that German friend of yours," the officer sighed. "He's pretty stubborn. Alright, so then can we return to the questions?"

"What else is there to know?" Francis asked. "We stabbed him. All three of us."

"Yes, but did you plan to do that?"

Francis gulped and released a shaky breath.

"We… we took him to the bridge…" he said. "We planned to rough him up, give him a few cuts, and… and push him over the bridge, into the river. We… we were hoping that it would look like the rocks in the river smashed him. He… He tried to commit suicide before, so…"

"So you were hoping to make this look like suicide," the officer finished. "And at what point did you decide to stab him?"

"You don't have to answer this," Kasem muttered.

"Non, I… I have to," Francis said. "When… when he tried to get away, and… he called his father. So… we then thought… we could make it look like a mugging."

The officer didn't say anything for a moment, but his lips were pursed. Francis looked down at his hands, realising how it sounded. No matter what, there was no denying that they'd attempted to _murder_ someone, even if it was Lovino. That was not something that normal people did. And to make it look like something else… This was what monsters did. Camille was right to look at him like that.

"I have one more question," the officer said. "Why? Why did you do it? What did this boy do to make you hate him so much?"

Francis took a shuddering breath. His mind flashed back to the bridge. It wasn't the officer's voice that asked those questions, but Lovino's.

_P-please. Why… are you doing… this? What did I do… to make you hate me like this?_

"I-I don't know," Francis said at last, and for the first time since he was taken away from his house, the tears fell. "I honestly don't know anymore."

…

Feliciano sat next to his brother's bed, but he couldn't bear to look at Lovino. His skin was too white. Even whiter than it had been when Lovino tried to kill himself.

His mind kept flashing back to that day. All the thoughts racing through his head when he realised that his brother had swallowed the bottle of pills. When he realised that his brother had no intention of living anymore. The fear he felt, and the anger for not being able to see that something was wrong.

And it got even worse when he found out _why_ Lovino did what he did.

He also recalled what the trio had to say about Lovino the previous time. Feliciano couldn't remember ever being so mad in his life. How could they just say things like that about his brother? And in front of him no less. It was as though they didn't care who heard them, as long as they could insult Lovino.

That punch he'd delivered was one of the most satisfying things he'd ever done.

He didn't think it was possible, but the anger he'd felt back then was surpassed by the anger he felt at that very moment. Last time, they only drove Lovino to the point where he wanted to die. This time, they tried to kill him themselves. It was unforgivable, and once again, he felt foolish for thinking that those three were good people. That they were his _friends_.

"Don't worry, fratellone," Feliciano said. "Those three aren't going to get away with it this time. They've gone _too far_."

In all honesty, Feliciano believed they'd crossed the line a long time ago, but now, for a fact, it was 'too far'.

…

Antonio swallowed nervously as he watched the policeman and the lawyer leave. They already finished interrogating him, and now he had to wait to be taken to a cell.

That scared him. He was going to spend the night in jail.

He'd asked the officer if he would get bail or something, but the man said that his parents refused to pay. They said that he didn't learn the last time, so he would have to learn now.

He wanted to be angry at Lovino, but found that he couldn't. He kept hearing Lovino begging for them to stop. And not just this day. Ever since they were small, Lovino would often beg for them to stop whatever it was they were doing. And they would continue. They would continue, because they believed that Lovino deserved whatever was done to him.

And Feliciano's words, spoken months ago, also echoed in his memories.

_You say that Lovino acts as though the world owes him something. Well, it does. It owes him an apology for putting him through hell!_

_You want to make Lovino the monster. But tell me something: What has he done to any of you?_

Antonio tried to fish through his memories, searching for one that would provide a suitable answer. A suitable justification. But he found that he couldn't. He couldn't think of anything that justified trying to kill Lovino.

And it wasn't just Lovino. Antonio recalled having his hands wrapped around his cousin's throat. Miguel had been a victim of his cruelty as well.

He tried to remember what had led them to this point. They had been angry at Lovino for the lengthy punishment they received. But it wasn't Lovino's fault. Neither Lovino nor his family told their parents about what they'd done. It was _Miguel_. Miguel was the one that informed Antonio's mother about the situation, and she in turn informed Francis's parents and Gilbert's father. Miguel even admitted that Lovino was afraid of _him_ because he reminded him of Antonio. And the look on Miguel's face after Antonio strangled him…

He buried his hands in his hair as he realised that Lovino was never the evil one. Antonio was evil. And he didn't know about Francis and Gilbert, but what they'd done was evil. And Lovino was in the hospital, fighting for his life. All because of them.

What had they done?

…

Marcello ran his thumb over the back of Lovino's hand as he held onto the only part of his brother that he could safely touch. The skin was far too cold. Too pale.

He couldn't believe the three of them would stoop so low. Didn't they cause enough damage? Couldn't they just carry on with their lives? If they could just leave things alone, then Lovino wouldn't be there. He wouldn't be in danger of dying.

Marcello could still remember the day he walked into Lovino's room and saw his brother with a knife against his arm. The look of fear on Lovino's face when he realised that he was discovered. Until then, he'd always thought of his eldest brother as unapproachable. Always angry and violent. But it all changed that day. He realised that his brother was hurt and vulnerable and afraid and alone. And one of the things that hurt Lovino was the fact that Marcello had been afraid of him.

And after that, Marcello had grown protective of Lovino. The more he saw about what Lovino went through, the more he wanted to be there for him. But Lovino had been so used to being left alone, and Marcello had no idea how he could help. And when that attack came…

He didn't like how he had been so helpless. He had no idea what was happening to Lovino, and then he learned that it wasn't the first time. Attempting to understand the cause of the attacks was what had caused the accident that took their mother from them. An accident that Lovino blamed himself for.

His phone buzzed, but he ignored it. It was probably Camille again. She'd been texting and calling him every now and again, but he couldn't answer her attempts to connect. He knew that she most likely knew what happened to Lovino if her brother was indeed arrested for attempting to murder him, and she wanted to ask him more about it. But he simply did not have the strength.

And a part of him was afraid. Would she be angry at him because her brother was arrested for attempting to kill Lovino? Would she blame Lovino? He didn't want to face that yet.

…

"This is insane!" Gilbert exclaimed as he paced the cell.

The trio were each inside one of the cells in the police station, and while Gilbert was pacing, the other two were on the beds, ignoring each other's gazes. After a moment Gilbert stopped, turning first to Francis's cell and then Antonio's.

"Why don't you say anything?" he asked his two friends.

"What do you want us to say?" Francis asked.

"I don't know! Something about how unfair this is! If it wasn't for Lovino, we wouldn't be here!"

"No," Antonio said. "We can't blame Lovino anymore. This… _we _did this."

Gilbert rounded on Antonio, his nostrils flaring slightly.

"What the hell?!" Gilbert demanded. "Don't tell me you're feeling guilty!"

"And you _aren't_?" Francis asked, glaring at his friend. "Gilbert, we tried to _kill_ someone. Even if it was Lovino… Do you have any idea how serious this is? Our parents didn't even want us to come home tonight."

"We messed up, amigo," Antonio sighed. "And now… I'm afraid of going to prison."

"We're still minors, so they won't send us to prison," Gilbert said. "If we can just convince them that…"

"We _can't_!" Franics insisted. "Gilbert… There's no getting out of this. This is our fault. And are you seriously telling me that it won't bother you if Lovino actually _died_?"

Gilbert scoffed, but he didn't say a thing. He didn't want to admit that Lovino's tear-stained face still intruded in his mind.

**I wanted to show Lovino's friends' reactions, but this turned out longer than I expected. Oh well. Next chapter.**


End file.
